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During a software presentation for a group of clients i said:
"I reworked the interface for you. Now it's idiot-proof."9 -
This may be limited to Germany:
Apparently you can get free vouchers (from 2 to 5 euros in value) on the website "pizza.de".
There is a lottery kind of game right now on this URL: https://pizza.de/casino/
If you just open the developer console and run "win()", you "win" the game and can enter your phone number to get your voucher 🤔
What idiot programmed this?
What idiot reviewed this?
What idiot put this live?41 -
Windows, you fucking idiot! You scheduled that damn update and now you have the balls to ask me what happened?!
7 -
Me: can you send me the link to the pdf?
Coworker: sure: "file:///c:/users/dipshit/fuckme.pdf"
Me: FML...6 -
If you name your methods a, b, c, x, z, etc
Then I hate you.
If the idiot wants me to help then use proper method names!23 -
Boss - gives tasks to me. Timeline: 10 days.
Me - work hard and finish the solution in 3 days.
Boss- wtf is this. Do it properly.
Me - chills for 15 days. Submit the same earlier solution after that.
Boss - yes this looks nice now! Much better than your earlier work!
Me - dude seriously what kind of stuff do you smoke before coming to work?8 -
This is the coding rig for everyone that claims himself THE REAL PROGRAMMER (and everyone else except him is just an idiot, a noob or a kiddo).
8 -
I swear all my clients are like these! I can probably teach a blind monkey faster than these idiots.
PC: marketoonist
4 -
Friend: I wiped this drive, and then I open it in my Hex viewer app, and it's all zeros!
Me: yeah?
Friend: Why isn't it empty?
Me: uh well a drive must have its bits set to some value and can't just nothingness so zeros is just a default meaningless value that resolves to nothing..
Friend: No, but why is it full of zeros? why it isn't empty?
...
I attempted several times and then exploded. rip self14 -
I found a python virus online a while ago that just corrupts your .py files, so I wanted to do something similar and after writing it I ran it on my pc, it corrupted all of my .py files.27
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Navy story time again.
I was a cadet, 1st year, final exams in """CS""". Our """professor""" was handing out the exam sheets, when I told him that one of the questions couldn't be answered by what he had taught. He had supposedly taught us C++ (I would insult every C++ tutorial, however shitty, if I called his class introductory or even elemental).
To give you a better idea of the situation, I'll only say this: one of the questions was "Name three brands of antivirus software."
I. SHIT. YOU. NOT.
This was supposed to be a Naval Academy that trained officers, by the way. Anyway, the question at hand was a program that must use recursion to solve a particular problem. I had been studying programming since high school, so I was not bothered by it, but everyone else was. Anyway...
Once I told him that, he threw a fucking fit. He screamed (as our overseeing officer watched in confusion) that we weren't paying attention, that we were just playing around and watching porn sites (BTW I discovered after that, that most porn videos were on the campus server, in write-protected folders that no student had permission to write, but professors and administrators did. Curious... but my ITSec misdeeds are for another day). Anyway, I got so angry at that idiot, I started writing (yes, programming on paper, if you whine about your IDE/text editor, think about that) the program. Until I found out that I didn't know WTF I was writing. The time was up, however, and I had to give my paper. To this day I have no idea what I wrote and what it did (if anything).
Got perfect score. Only one in class.8 -
idiot /ˈɪdɪət/
noun
A person that uses the “Reply All” button to tell everyone not to use the “Reply All” button when a corporate email is accidentally sent to all email users.6 -
Built the website. He took 2 weeks to test. Then asked me for changes. I took two weeks for changes. Someday during the second week I login (wordpress), I see the old version of the site, all my changes are gone.
I ask him,
Him: I had a customer who needed to see my site... So I reverted to the old version. I had a backup.
For fuck sakes! 1st of all, if he is a customer he doesn't need to see your marketing site anymore give him a flyer idiot.
Then, for fuck sakes: Give me a fuckin call so I back up your site. Idiot.
Why you didn't fuckin back up my fuckin version.
I stopped working and passed him to a more patient, more wordpress guy.
Just idiot.12 -
What a nice fucking tutorial.
Clicked an articles which says How to Implement X feature in Vanilla JavaScript.
They used a vanilla javascript library.
What a fucking idiot.7 -
I AM SUCH AN IDIOT I USED 88 INSTEAD OF 8.8 IN MY CALCULATION AND DIDNT FIND THE ISSUE UNTIL 1 FUCKING WEEK LATER!!!!!5
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I found a cool project on GitHub. I forked it and added a simple dev server with the intent of making it more accessible which could lead to more activity = improved project. I created a PR with small concise commits with very informative messages.
The guy who owns the project comments and says "I don't want your dev server, I have an apache instance locally on my computer". I tell him "Ok sure, but wouldn't it be nice if everyone else also had a nice dev server which can be started with a single command?", and other people join the PR and agree with me that we should make it available for everyone.
But the fucking idiot doesn't care, "No, I prefer to use my apache server". YOU FUCKING ASS WIPE, why do you even put it up on GitHub if you don't want contributions to make your project better and more available? I saw other open PRs where he basically did the same thing, left a snarky comment without merging it. What a fucking tool. Worst spent time ever.
FUCK YOU6 -
Subject: FW: Twilio integration
Date: 20th June
From: <program-lead>
PractiseSafeHex I need you to fill in the dev completion dates for the Twilio task for the mobile team by EOD today. Backend have already supplied theres. Otherwise I will be forced to mark the task as “At Risk”. Please let me know if there is an issue or you are blocked.
—- Begin Forwarded Mail ——
Subject: Twilio integration
Date: 18th June
From: <program-lead>
Hi All,
Documenting today’s meeting minutes. Backend confirmed they will handle the Twilio integration from their side entirely. There will be no mobile work required for this task.
Thank you,
<program-lead>11 -
Dev: To send push notifications, please open a ticket to get access to the new tool we are using which is dedicated to managing push notifications and push notification campaigns.
Me: ok done.
*5 days later*
Tool owner: Can you please add to the ticket the reason you need access?
Me: “To use it”2 -
Some of you might have seen it already, those who didn't just have to.
One of the best rants I've read lately.
"Our security auditor is an idiot. How do I give him the information he wants?"
https://serverfault.com/questions/...4 -
"Hi xxx, please stop asking me the same question. I've answered it 4 times already via email, slack and in person on our zoom calls, over the past 2 weeks. I do not own the ticket and have no idea of the status or the dates. Ask the owner."
- slack response I was forced to write this morning to the guy my company put in charge of the entire product (mobile, multiple backends, frontend etc.).7 -
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.2
-
Client: it's not working
Me: clear your cache
Client: what's that
Me:it's a way of cleaning the files of your computer to get new ones.
Client: I cleaned my mac
I mean she literally got cleaning wipes ... and cleaned her computer
P.s I told her all this before and how to many, many times
2 -
When you're working on an uni project with a fucking idiot who tests stuff with this kind of messages and then forget to remove them a few days before the deadline… fml.
I work at the frontend, he at the backend, so I shouldn't even have to check his code, but after seeing this I fucking have to.
Useless to say that he loaded these kind of placeholders also in the database.
So the admin name is "PieroGay", which is the name of the professor who will evaluate the project...
The worst thing is this bastard will graduate in 1 month, while I probably next year.
28 -
"What idiot left a console.log in a function call spitting out the value of the onchange......oh fuck, that was me "
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Roommate: "Hey, man, uh, I know you use computers a lot or something; do you know off the top of your head how to use the touch screen on my computer?"
Me: "Uh, your laptop doesn't have a touch screen."
Roommate: "Yeah, but I thought you might know how to use it as a touchscreen."
Me: "...Your laptop does not have a touch screen."
I swear, this is the dumbest man I have ever come into contact with.
That'd be fine if this was a one-off type of thing, but he seriously has approx. 209.8 brain cells in total.
Once, with no argumentative basis, he told me that, if Mickey Mouse got enough votes as a write-in candidate, he could win the Presidency of the United States. I showed him Article II of our Constitution, and he said "why does that even matter here?"
Three more months, school'll be done, and I never have to see him again.7 -
Blah blah blah JavaScript is the worst blah blah blah clients suck blah blah blah everyone’s an idiot
Am I instafamous yet?8 -
The most incompetent co-worker is that idiot who wrote this piece of crappy code! Oh wait, that's me!1
-
Hello again, everyone. I've been busy with all the paperwork at my ship (will make a post about it later) but for now, I'll bore you with another story (not navy one, fortunately) to justify my slacking off.
And this story... is the story on how I got into ITSec. And it is pretty damn embarrassing. It all began when I was 16. I was hooked on battleknight.gameforge.com, a browser game. My father had just had ADSL installed at our home, and the new opportunities before me were endless. Well...
After I've had my fill with the porn torrents and them opportunities dwindled to just a few dozens, I began searching for free games, and I stumbled on that game. I played a lot, but as a free-to-play game, it was also pay-to-win. I didn't have a credit card, so I paid for a few gems with SMS messages. Fast forward a couple of years, I got into the Naval Academy. A guy came in to advertise something (I think it was an encyclopaedia or something - yes, wikipedia wasn't a thing back then) and to pay for it, we could apply for a credit card. So I applied. And I resisted the temptation for a year.
Note: prepaid wasn't that known where I live, so using credit cards was the only way for online transactions.
So I made 1 transaction. Just one. After a couple of months my monthly report from the bank came, showing a 2.5$ (I think) transaction on Paypal. I paid no mind, thinking that it was some hidden fee. Oh boy, I shit you not, I was THAT much of an idiot. Six months later, BOOM!
600$ transaction to ebay via paypal. You can imagine all those nice things that came to my mind. In any case, the bank accepted my protest that I filed at their central offices and cancelled the transaction. I promptly cancelled my card, destroyed it right there for good measure, and got to thinking... what the fuck just happened?
As many people here, I am afflicted with a deadly virus, called curiosity. I started researching the matter, trying to figure out how. And, because I didn't like black boxes and "it is just like it is" explanations, I tumbled down the rabbit hole of ITSec. I soon found out that, not only it was possible, but also it was sometimes EXTREMELY easy to steal credit card info. There are sites, to this very day, that store user info (along with credit cards info) IN FUCKING CLEARTEXT. Sometimes your personal, financial and even medical info are just an SQLi away.
So, I got very disillusioned on many things. But I never regretted it. It may cause me to age prematurely and will kill me of stroke or heart attack one day, but as I still tumble down the ITSec rabbit hole, I can say with confidence that
I REGRET NOTHING
Plus, my 600$ were returned, so look on the bright side :)1 -
Calling in the big guns to debug my code... 30 minutes later... 'Oh look at that little typo, better change that'... Code runs1
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Feeling like an absolute idiot after I spent an hour and a half trying to get Gnome3 to work with shell extensions, before remembering I use xfce.5
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Today I took an extra swig of idiot juice and deleted my /usr/lib directory in the first 5 minutes of the day.11
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An idiot was running to get the train (underground) and almost slipped into the track.
Tried to hold me, smacked me in the face in the process. Still held him from falling in the track. Didn't even say thanks.
My nose is now bleeding like there's no end to it. There's a big cut right in the middle of the nose.
Not the Friday I was looking forward to :(10 -
I don't know why but my idiot cousin decided to rub his ass on my laptop now my screen has shit on it.Pray For His Life🙏22
-
How can those WordPress-Theme-Creator-Bitches write bullshit like "no coding skills required". What the fuck do you say?
Why don't you jump into the Pacific Ocean (no swimming skills required), idiot.3 -
You motherfucking piece of shit application form...
I was filling a long form in a tab and I had another part of that form open in another tab.
They fucking logged me out of the 2nd tab and didn't notify or prevent me from filling up hundreds of fields in the 1st tab.
Now I have to fill them up again.
Fuck you and your stupid form. Die in hell you fucking stupid cunt. -
A coworker complained that the ci server is to slow for a build. Found 4000 js library source files which are copied in each build.
-
My conversation with a recruiter today.
Recruiter: we have looked through your profile and we are very interested in your experience and projects you have been working on we are keen to process your application please send us your resume asap.
Me: sure thing * sends CV.
Recruiter: oh yeah your not what we are looking for.
Me: Oh no problem you sound like a great recruitment agency.
Recruiter: what do you mean?
Me : so you "looked at my profile" which has all the information identical to my resume for a job which requires 10 years worth of experience in a software which was only released 6 months ago. Why don't you learn to ride a bike and then in 10 years time. Ride a hover bike first time without falling off and I will assess wherever or not you have the experience on first glance. Don't waste my time again.
Mother Fuckers!
Needless to say I did not get a reply 😂18 -
My manager is an idiot and a complete asshole.
Knowing that I was working on a solution for an important problem, he sent an email to our customers saying that the problem cannot be solved, and the customers need to take care of it themselves. He sent this email the evening before I was supposed to present my solution to everybody.
It's not the first time something like this happens, but this stupid individual RESIGNED ONE MONTH AGO. He's in notice period right now, and nonetheless he keeps fucking people like he used to do. WHY THE FUCK MANAGEMENT DOES NOT BLOCK HIS EMAIL!?4 -
I spent 10 years of my life to learn how to code when I could make big money without coding. I'm such an idiot
13 -
Pro tip: never try to convert the date (formatted as "yyMMddHHmm") in an int32.
It will stop working in 2022. 😉
I just found out I accidentally invented the "2022 bug" two years ago.11 -
!programming
Anyone else gets peeved when you're insulted in a language your insulter thinks you don't speak?
I was at the indoor climbing gym, struggling halfway up a difficult route when a fat idiot attached to a 'Intro to Climbing' class howled to her friends "Look at that blind idiot, can't he see that big red piece beside his foot?" (I was climbing a green route) in Cantonese (a Chinese dialect).
😒9 -
Sometimes when i code i feel unstoppable ,those are the days that i am very productive,then there are days that i feel like an idiot and i cant code a single line6
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!devRant
Went to watch The Magnificent Seven.
The fucking idiot in front used his phone with full brightness frequently throughout the movie. Fucking douche continued to share that he is in a movie hall in snapchat.
The ducker even creeped on some girls on snapchat. What a fucking idiot.4 -
Q: Why isn't it working after a whole fucking day of trying?
A: Because I'm a fucking idiot. That's why!3 -
Got this rude ass email from an idiot client who thinks I'm solely responsible for figuring out how to link his 3rd party email/newsletter sign up form to his new website without any access to the account. He "doesn't have the time to research". Newsflash asshat, I'm not responsible for your 3rd party shit. Go contact their support. 🙄😑
14 -
Let me repeat this out and loud so that we are clear before another idiot starts pitching to me on building their "world class machine learning algorithm":
NO DATA, NO MACHINE LEARNING!2 -
Got some feedback for an app today via email...
"You are a fucking idiot! Stupid piece of shit!" Well, I guess one user didn't like it then... Rude fucking wankhat!4 -
>1 year of living and working with a sluggish, overheating and possibly throttling XPS 15.
Finally setting aside 20 minutes to pop the panel off, ripping the fans out and blow out the choking cakes of dust.
It's like new again now. FFS, when will I learn not to postpone things eternally.9 -
Trying to install new proprietary graphics drivers on my desktop. Reboots. Black screen. SSHes into computer uninstalls new graphics driver and reinstalls Xorg.
[ Level up ]
Idiot running Linux -> Normal Linux user5 -
A study needs to be done on the therapeutic effects of devRant. My gf tells me I grin like an idiot much more these days 😅4
-
When an external webdeveloper creating the website for the company you start working for says something is not possible in CSS and complicated Js is needed and you're like: "who hired this wannebe developer?! Give me a minute or two"4
-
Real story, I'm not kidding you.
But I wouldn't believe it, if it hadn't happened right now.
Customer calls, one device gets no mobile data connection.
I checked everything ... no errors to be found. Just no connection.
After half an hour we found the reason: Someone inserted the SIM the wrong way.
*facepalm*
How the hell can someone put in a SIM the wrong way? There is only one way it'll fit in.
I don't get it.7 -
Finished my project early today. I assumed it would take another day or two since it's primarily research and I had no idea how to progress, but I caught a break and finished it early. I also finished another surprise ticket! yay! I had the rest of the day to myself!
... had!
But then I noticed I had been working on the wrong branch. Fuck. Moving my work over was tedious, as was the cleanup. I kicked myself for good measure. Also, every time I switch branches, I need to run a bloody slow script that runs all the migrations, data tasks, backfills, etc. for the branch. It takes 12-18 minutes. There's a faster version, but it usually breaks things.
Turns out the branch I was supposed to be working on wasn't up to date with master. So I merged that in, leading to....
merge conflicts. Because of course there are conflicts. To make matters worse, I had (and have) no idea which changes were correct because idfk what those 248 new commits are doing. So I guessed at them, ran the script, and (after more waiting) ran a few related specs. Yet more waiting. Sense a pattern here? Eventually they finished, and all the specs passed. H'ray. So I committed the changes, and told Jenkins to kick off a full spec suite, which takes 45+ minutes.
La de da, I go back to cleaning up the previous ticket, pushing reversion commits, etc. Later, I notice the ticket number, look at the branch number I've been working on.... and. Fuuuck. I realize I had put everything on the wrong freaking branch AGAIN. I'm such an idiot. Cue more cleanup, more reversions, running the bloody script again and again. More wasted time, more kicking. ugh.
All of this took well over three hours. So instead of finishing at a leisurely 5:00 like a normal person, I finally stopped around 9pm. and I won't know the Jenkins spec results until morning.
A nice early day?
I should know better.2 -
This is the most hilarious stackoverflow rant ever, quote:
"Strong cryptography only means the passwords must be encrypted while the user is inputting them but then they should be moved to a recoverable format for later use."
Full rant:
http://serverfault.com/questions/...6 -
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
-
When you can't rant about the stupid shit at work because your fucking idiot coworkers are on devRant and you can't afford to lose the job quite yet...2
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# PROD
* 10 app instances running
* 1 instance starts burning up 100% cpu
* we ask for a Thread Dump (stack traces)
* we get a TD taken after they manually restarted the instance
* they: "Please investigate. We need this fixed ASAP"
* .....
EVERY FUCKING TIME!!! Not once in recent years have they managed to take a TD correctly. What kind of a retarded monkey do you have to be for this to not sink in for YEARS!
Who tf put those idiot monkeys there in the first place...8 -
Yesterday I had an interesting interaction
- I complain about not having tickets for something, as it makes it unclear who needs to do what
- manager tries to call out on me for “not giving precise infos”
- A frustrating argument starts, ends up with manager defending himself telling we need a meeting with [other team] to sync on infos that are not clear
- meeting starts, manager starts to make a buffoon about himself
- other dev out of nowhere tells that the manager is not giving the task to him for some reason
- other manager is speechless at our manager’s incompetence
Managers.😎1 -
Our security auditor is an idiot. How do I give him the information he wants?
http://serverfault.com/questions/...4 -
I really wonder who is that genius from API team who decided that a namespace with the name "main" is a great fucking idea...
Because of this shit I've had to resort to hacky pImpl implementation of the API.
11 -
Coworker called me up and shouted at me for refactoring code. "It might break!".
But his copy paste addiction is sure to make everything more stable, right?
Course, he still hasn't figured out that I'm the tech lead, so I will completely ignore his useless whining, as I have his boss on board.6 -
I uh.. I may or may not have just spent the last hour or so disassembling my headphones, only to find that there's batteries inside and the earcups just clip off.
Always do the easiest thing first...
8 -
So apparently I'd been hired 2 emails ago, only because the email said "I've been told that you're starting with us in April" and not "you're hired" I didn't realize it. Extremely neurotypical behaviour.16
-
Someone at work asking me about whether the controller system for our door security can access the Internet. I'm explaining that the reason they can't access Google on it is that it is on an isolated network for security. They wanted to install some remote desktop software on it that some idiot had recommended.
Then I actually get asked: "If it can't see Google... Maybe can it see Firefox?"
*headdesk*5 -
Idiot group: "We have no servers like that."
My group: Turns off mystery server no one can identify.
Idiot group: "HEY THAT WAS OUR SERVER YOU FUCKS HOW DARE YOU."1 -
BA: we have 16meg download yet mine is only going at 2..
Me: sounds about right.
BA: are you an idiot?
Me: *I don't need to explain myself to scum like you*2 -
We have a 45year old junior that is left to his own devices. He simultaneously wants help all the time and won't listen to the answers. He also wants help but doesn't want to redo things he's fucked. He wants to finish tasks but not write tests in case it shows problems and he has to do more work.
The worst thing is he wants to get work done but cba to learn the framework, language, tools he's using, or just the feature of the framework he is literally using for his task. He just fumbles about like a blind man in a strip joint until things 'work'.6 -
My evening routine:
*puts down the laptop near the bed
*puts a glass of water near the laptop
*thinks about “fuck you idiot, you gonna rekt your laptop some day”
*goes to sleep
So tonight it finally happened... global game jam in 2 days and i don’t have a fucking laptop
Im so mad at myself rigt now
10 -
Ok, which idiot at jetBrains thought it was a good idea to have "CRTL + Y" be a "cut line" (instead of redo) and "CRTL + SHIFT + F6" be "rename" (instead of just simply "F2")...
And also, which idiot thought it was a good idea to not allow us to properly change it (doing so will result in the right shortcuts doing nothing at all)...
Fuck you and your "Adobe-style" shortcuts.
Minor edit: Some idiot decided that it'd be a good idea to *only* have a custom rename shortcut work *if* I already grabbed my mouse, right-clicked the file/folder and hover refactor...
Might as fucking well continue my mouse-movement and click "rename" you fucking morons.13 -
Fucking idiot companies who only offer their software for windows! WTF? Who even uses windows for anything?13
-
Swear to god, I'm worse than a cat.. my fascination & curiosity will get me killed someday.. o.O
12:19 - Magnitude 6,4 earthquake 3 km from Petrinja, Croatia..
Felt it in Ljubljana..and my stupid ass was fascinated.. :/
Yup, you read it right, not scared or whatever the hell should people feel when earthquake happens..just fascinated..and curios...and in full analysis mode..
Oh tremors?! Yup, something's definitely shaking.. Eartquake? Yup, earthquake! Woow, huge earthquake.. Where is epicenter?! Also long one.. nice, never felt it like this before.. hm.. x, should we go out? How?! I know an elevator is a no go, stairs also do not look promising..better stay in I guess.. hm..still going...feels weird.. Ok, look for shelter I guess.. wow..that's a long one.. ok, doorways should be safe-ish?! Where's x? He went silent..go check up on x.. x is fine, he's not stupid like me, and unlike me also has preservation instinct to not stand under the doorway that has glass components in it.. DumbAss.. Shaking stops... Well that was weird..also I didn't have time to analyze everything..or record it! Stoopid! How did I not think of this before?! Recording would be awesome!! shame..
I know panic doesn't help anyone, but FFS, sometimes I do wish my head would panic at least for a second instead of trying to analyze everything..
I mean, WTF is wrong with me?! Most people would be scared, I just estimated that it's not that dangerous for us and no use/not smart to try to go out of the building so I just took shelter (not a good one, I know now for next time?! o.O what next time?!idiot!!) and started observing.. DumbAss.. :/10 -
Step 1: create genius-level Excel spreadsheet
Step 2: wait 7-10 days
Step 3: realise you're an idiot for not documenting what all your genius code does so it will take just as long to unpick it as to start from scratch
Step 4: complain on devrant even though it's your own fault
:( -
Whenever I feel like too much of an idiot to be a developer, I go to settings and tap my device info 10 times.2
-
Looks like the idiot changed their mind quite too early... This time ama do "1 != 1" cause I don't know what might come next. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
7 -
Here we see the world's thickest user of 2FA. That tokens are stored offline is literally the whole premise of TOTP.
6 -
Who was the shithead cumface dumbass idiot thinking that notebooks should have their cooling units at the bottom. How the fuck are they supposed to get air when sitting on my lap?10
-
You know what is disappointing?
When you struggle with something and then you discover that the solution was clearly stated in the documentation.
In short, I'm an idiot. But I still got one upvote on my question on stackoverflow so apparently I'm not the only idiot out there. Arigato, idiot-tachi, we need to stand together so we can fail together.2 -
Created a bool and set the value 1 instead of true
Took 10 fucking minutes to realize what I did wrong even with the red underline calling me an idiot6 -
Complaining about Chrome, Apple or whatever without proper reasoning doesn't you cool. It just makes you look like an idiot.8
-
About a year ago I was doing work for a client that hired a separate contractor for SEO consultation. I could easily end the rant here.
This lady was trying to convince my client to write the same page or blog article several times over and merely change their physical address at the bottom of the page to one of their many respective clinics.
When I told them not to do this because they would suffer for stuffing and duplicating content, their response was to ask me to be respectful of the other contractor's skills and knowledge regarding digital marketing and to call her and sort it out.
I called. We argued. I called the client back and asked if they should respect the skills of an auto mechanic with pliers to remove a teenager's braces rather than send them to one of their orthodontic clinics.4 -
[wk204]
Do whatever makes you happy and dont let your idiot parents pressure you into tech just because they think thats where the money is.6 -
Modern programming is like racing against the Universe: programmers try to make code for every idiot, the Universe breeds new kinds of idiots. So far, the Universe is winning outright.🧬3
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GIT IS TRASH
WHAT'S THAT, YOU SAY? I'M JUST BEING AN IDIOT WHO ISN'T GOOD AT USING GIT? I DON'T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT YOUR OPINION, I SAY! (eventhoughitstrue). I NEED TO VENT MY ANGER, AND GIT SHALL BE MY VICTIM.
GIT IS TRASH26 -
I am tired of my idiot ‘friends’ asking me if I can hack Facebook Instagram etc. because some other idiot made them mad. Like fuck no. 1 it’s unethical as hell 2 it’s illegal I don’t want to go to jail. 3 I’m learning cyber security NOT hack stuff because someone hurt your useless feelings.
Ohhh and they always get pissed off when I explain everything wrong with their idiotic request10 -
Oh my fucking god which idiot decided to use JS as a scripting language for Minecraft Forge core mods
Literally what the fuck3 -
Tfw GitHub app is forcing you to push to master and you do so because you're an idiot, and your agnostic ass starts praying to god(s) nothing goes wrong.2
-
Got the question “How do I set a profile picture on Skype?”
1. Who the f*** uses skype today??
2. He calls himself a developer...
3. I was surprised he didn’t ask how to send add contacts in skype5 -
Hey GitHub Idiot No Need To Write Capitalized Issue Requests Like This It Makes You Look Incompetent We Are Not Working In .NET Here On GitHub
just absolute 🤡11 -
I almost got caught by this during an interview:
const foo = ['a', 'b'];
const bar = foo.findIndex(x => x === 'a'); // 0
if (bar) { // I'm an idiot
console.log('Do something');
}
🤦♂️23 -
My boss was fired and now I have to answer to his boss. "I have this issue with your product, can you make it mire idiot prood?" Well, sure, we just didn't met so persistent idiot up to now...2
-
Boss asks us to make sure out documents/instructions to clients are idiot-proof. I am not disagreeing this but usually clients are more idiotic than the most idiotic idiot you can ever imagine...4
-
hey
if my udemy course is too complicated for you
no reason to give it a shitty rating
you're just an idiot11 -
I worked with a developer for months. He was senior to me; on more money than me and had way more experience. I spent at least 25% of my time explaining the most basic stuff to him. Things like 'no, that's not how a cache works', 'no, you shouldnt be doing string concatenation inside a loop', 'no you've completely written the wrong thing because you didn't listen'
When he left, he claimed to have finished off a feature for our application. We dove into it, rewrote it, made it more efficient, the code cleaner, the documentation more succinct and the logic more obvious. When I say we, I mean me and a student, and by me and a student, I mean the student with some very light prodding from me.4 -
That lovely moment when a client calls out of the blue at 4:30PM (we close at 5), 3 weeks before scheduled launch and says, "My website goes down tomorrow so where are we at with the new site?" So...I scrambled all day today to get the site done and it turns out they don't even own their domain or control their DNS. (facepalm) They put in a 30 day cancellation with their current provider and didn't bother to mention we had barely 2 weeks to develop a full custom site.7
-
I wish I could read my code on other people's screens. I wouldn't sound like such an idiot whenever I leave my desk. *sigh*2
-
Write idiot commit messages that I don’t remember what they mean eg. “Added function x” instead of “Update {filename}”3
-
In your opinion what is the best programming rant to ever grace the internet?
My submission === programming sucks:
http://stilldinking.org/programming...
(small) excerpt: "You discover that one day, some idiot decided that since another idiot decided that 1/0 should equal infinity, they could just use that as a shorthand for “Infinity” when simplifying their code. Then a non-idiot rightly decided that this was idiotic, which is what the original idiot should have decided, but since he didn’t, the non-idiot decided to be a dick and make this a failing error in his new compiler. Then he decided he wasn’t going to tell anyone that this was an error, because he’s a dick, and now all your snowflakes are urine and you can’t even find the cat."7 -
A SW developer commiting an executable in his source repository, is an idiot.
A HW developer doing the same, is a wise man.6 -
$ rsync /media/elements /media/data
... Why the fuck are existing files being synchronized as well.. they're the exact goddamn files rsync!!!
^Z
$ stat /media/elements/some.file
$ stat /media/data/some.file
Hmm 🤔 so they've got the same access and modify times, same size and everything, just that the change time is different.. well, guess I'll have to bite the pill then, syncing everything it is 🙁
Next day: rsync aborted because disk quota is exceeded
What the...
*Checks storage consumption on /media/data*
COMPLETELY FILLED TO THE BRIM
Oh God 😰 I didn't completely copy over a duplicate of that elements directory, did I?
$ ls -sh /media/data/elements
*exists*
$ du -sh /media/data/elements
1.4TB
But why..? All because I forgot a single / in my rsync command.
Please kill -9 me 🙂🔫1 -
f#cking idiots always saying stupid things followed by "I'm not an idiot..."
and trying to humiliate other people...2 -
I was working on a section of code and had to make a change to an if-statement. So I searched for "if" to get there... Idiot...7
-
Why should I make my fucking code messier and write some bullshit workaround just because you’re a stubborn idiot who refuses to upgrade your fucking operating system and browser. ARGHGHGGH1
-
The guy thinks I'm her friend but I deeply hate her !
Just because she thinks she knows everything but she is actually an idiot !
Last term I was in her team for the c++ project (she fooled me ! I thought she is advenced !!) And guess what?
I ended up doing the whole project myself ! (Not fair at all but she got the score cuz of me)
I really don't need enemy so I'll just stay away from her :/4 -
When a gamer is also a developer:
Idiot: What kind of game is that? I only has a crap load of words!
Me: Yeah, it's called Android Studio2 -
Only I can break the workflow of main app our project is using in the second day on this job...
Guys, always read the documentation before even touching anything -
So i made coffee and dropped the coffee , went then to the shop to get eggs and sugar ....i walk out with just a coffee 😂😂1
-
Lol, my boss wanted me to sign a one year contract for a shitty money, because "that's the standard in it". Well... no.5
-
When everyone on Stack Overflow treats you like an idiot because they don't understand what you need done.4
-
FUCKING @GREGOZOR2121 STOP FUCKING UPVOTING ME THIS MUCH... THIS IS SPAM AND COMPLETELY FUCKING ANNOYING. FUCKING IDIOT.
thanks13 -
after staring my stupid code for 10 mins, the facepalm. Better even before this my program went into infinite loop cause i had initialized a counter and if(counter<10) WITHOUT INCREMENTING IT. Its 1 am i should sleep.
2 -
Fucking idiot designers providing design in .jpg and .pdf, how the fuck am I to know what padding or margin is to this element. and at the last moment, they ask to just to put down images as "patches" and make sure it's "clickable", man fuck this!6
-
once I downloaded a zip from MediaFire from an "idiot kid" (you know the kind) and I opened it. The format was invalid. I open it in notepad and guess what? IT'S A FUCKING RAR FILE! so I rename the extension to rar, lo and behold, yeet, it works. Don't trust idiot kids. ever.4
-
i fucking hate bit shifting operation fuckery
fuck your clever math and shit
also documenting what represents what in an idiot proof way so i can easily consume it8 -
Fuck you negative bastard! I really hate when someone "predicts" failure to meet the deadline of some project we haven't started yet. This bastard thinks we will fail only because he is a complete mess at coding and fears learning new things.5
-
I never really used it, but to destroy a brand like that is the work of an idiot. Bye bye Twitter. I x’ pect this is the last period in your history.6
-
There will always be an idiot in a IT department that will ruin your Saturday, by adding a few more network restrictions for no freaking reason, breaking everything else.
-
FML I am an idiot.. might end up in a rant here (well deserved!!) //if you are here reading this I'm so sorry again!!
I wrote to our support I need DP/HDMI cable.. they asked me to take a pic of the cable I'm currently using.. WTF?! Don't you know how connectors look?! Just get me the damn cable.. :/
Ok.. Took a picture.. sent it back.. At that time I still didn't see the problem with what I wrote/demanded..
Got back reply this is not HDMI connector... FML, I was so convinced computer had HDMI ports so even when I took the pic I wasn't paying attention.. Fuck.
And before when I was switching cables behind the computer below desk I was just blindly feeling around, it didn't even occurr to me to actually check what connectors are used..just knew both monitors had the same connector (and not aure why I thought HDMI :/)...so yeah, I'm the idiot who is not paying attention to stuff.. Fuck.. Was on a scavanger hunt for a wrong type of cable the whole time.. Sorry again!! And please don't kill me next time you see me.. o.O1 -
The next time I hear some idiot defending his shitpile of code with the argument " BuT iT wOrKs wHy ChAnGe" some heads gonna' roll.4
-
So according to my manager its not really acceptable for me to sit at my desk and vent about what a colossal idiot my Tech Lead is. Fair enough i suppose. even though he feels the need to chime in on every technical decision when he himself doesnt understand how async code works. he thinks you can set a variable inside a promise and then return that variable outside the promise, because its after the call. This guy is a senior software engineer on an iOS team and I, a trainee, have more iOS experience than him.2
-
So I installed the JACK audio connection kit on my Linux box, set up drivers, configured routings properly, etc etc.
Tried playing basic sounds. No output. Panic.
Redid configuration, tried again. No output. Panic++
Reinstalled JACK, tried again. No output. Panic++
Reinstalled drivers and checked ALSA (audio subsystem). All good. Tried again. No output. Panic++
Hit the Mute shortcut on my keyboard to unmute my speakers, tried again. Worked. :facepalm:
I am such an idiot, fml.1 -
To the 8 months ago *me*.
You're an idiot learn how to properly keep a changelog I just spent almost an hour fixig that freaking spaghetti mess you wrote!1 -
When you're doing bounds checking on an array and type "i" instead of "j", so it refers to completely the wrong index >>>>>7
-
This one just popped into my head. A little late but still pretty idiotic.
So in college, shortly after we learned HTML, CSS, PHP and some very basic JS (and various other things ofc) we had to choose which study direction we wanted to go.
This included web development.
My brilliant classmate asked me the following around that time: "after all the webdev stuff they taught us, I don't know what more they can teach us"
So yeah..........
Idiot1 -
After moving to my new job, I caved and agreed to stay on part time for my old company.
Worst decision ever2 -
int count = getCount();
txtCount.setText(count);
> Could not find resource ID #0x00
Couple hours of head scratching later
"You idiot. You forgot to use String.valueOf(), didn't you?" -
The moment when you forgot to commit your work to git, managed to accidentally deleted it and recovery tools can't help you. FML I'm an idiot!4
-
u is the coordinate of the point u in the u referential. PLEASE THERE ARE 26 LETTER. How about you use differen letter for different thing fuckin idiot
3 -
My laptop charger is dead and my laptop can't work without it. So, basically I can't even look at code.
Colleague calls, says there is a problem with package.json and it requires my immediate attention as the APIs need to be deployed.
Me enters Sherlock mode, and remembers that I have a git hook which took a backup of my code every time I pushed and saved it on my headless tiny CHIP.
I get excited, and do an SSH from my phone, hoping to see the faulty code/file. But all I see is an outdated repository because I am an idiot who forgot to turn the fucking CHIP on after I shut it down for cleaning.
This is the most anti climatic ending I have been ever part of.
3 -
It appears my website is under attack. This truly sucks! I can’t login to it to update. Someone is attacking it and now I feel like an idiot and am very upset.13
-
Loosing 4h of work because bsod, because I asked substance painter to do something way above what my computer can handle... And saving take ages with big projects so I kind of forgot.. FUCK I'm an idiot T_T.3
-
I don't fucking care if you don't understand what I'm trying to convey, I've documented how to configure email with your fucking iPhone (even though I don't own one), I will not fucking guide some FUCKING idiot from management to teach them configure the same documented thing.
It's fucking email, you log in with your credentials and settings are fetched, how is this difficult to understand you FUCKING idiot?!?!??
Also, pic related, translation "I don't give rat's ass" or "I don't fucking care"
8 -
What kind of a fucking idiot mixed two templates into one shortcode and added a bunch of if's to print the logic?
Ffs WordPress. -
you know how every film awards ceremony has a dead people section where they play a video showing the pictures of the newly deceased but stylized like as if they perished in battle, like sepia+zoom out?
anyhow someone should edit a video like that for devrant users that deleted their accounts.
i browsed my posts yesterday and noticed several users that aren’t among us anymore.
(cue gregorian chant) may you rest from idiot managers and idiot client.7 -
Idiot award goes to me. Trying to connect to my WiFi Tried to install wpa_supplicant. No other Internet connection1
-
So it's not just through reading your own code later that you can realize how stupid you are. All the great card house of the belief in your own superiority collapsing instantly.
Currently intense time with my son. Can be hard being around one another 24h non-stop... And then realizing that a lot of the stubbornness and quirks of his that drive me crazy: is actually me! (Be it that it's in my character as well or he was reacting to a stupidness of mine)2 -
It appears I've discovered myself quite talented at solving problems.
And also, that I'm surrounded by idiots, who don't know what an integer is.
Also, that im an idiot.2 -
"Let's just add a logging system to our dependency"
No. You fucking idiot. DON'T INCLUDE A CUSTOM LOGGING SYSTEM INTO A DEPENDENCY FOR IMAGE MANIPULATION. I DON'T WANT YOUR FUCKING BULLSHIT LOGGING WHEN I'M FUCKING HANDLING IT MYSELF FOR MY ALREADY EXISTING SOFTWARE!! HOW DUMB CAN YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER BE TO TELL ME TO JUST "IGNORE" THE MESSAGES IN THE CONSOLE WHEN I'M BUILDING A FUCKING CLI BASED SOFTWARE??!!1 -
So i am stuck, i have assignments to complete, i know what i need to do, but every single time i sit down to write them up, my mind goes blank and i get extremely fustrated any advice? thanks.5
-
Am I the only one here that needs more time to create user friendly and Idiot-save error Messages than writing the whole validation of stuff?5
-
I just called somebody beside me an idiot while the call microphone was on. Quick question: how do I dig a hole and bury myself?4
-
Today, I found "ClassNotFoundException" in my Java program.
After a long time to figure out the problem, I found that my flash drive which I run program has been removed by myself. Lol -
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof software, and the universe trying to build bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning."
Source: Can't remember -
!rant
So I installed a Linux distro as my primary operating system for my laptop, I needed to use my windows installation... But idiot me did a full hard drive erase installation and not a dual boot didn't I...
*Sigh* now to download a windows 10 ISO!8 -
// Hairy ass complex logic
if(1 == 2) { ... }
If only the programming language had a built-in syntax for commenting out code, you fucking cumdumpster idiot.1 -
My favorite part of working with git is how big of an idiot I feel like. Always gives me a warm fuzzy feeling.
-
"If you think you're the smartest person in the room, you're probably not*."
*You probably are a fucking idiot though.3 -
How many times have you been called an idiot for verifying the accuracy of a critical piece of information?10
-
When you're writing a function to check whether a record exists before you create it, make you sure check *before* you create it!!
Spent ages debugging something earlier which was always returning a hit even though I wasn't expecting it but then I realised the record was being added before I ran my check, therefore always said it was found.
Sometimes I'm an idiot.1 -
The desktop was frozen on my cousins computer. His other cousin suggested pressing F5 to “refresh” it.
The worst part is that I even showed him but he somehow tried to defend his point. (Don’t ask how, I wouldn’t know)4 -
What is the most straightforwardest solution in the entire history of the world..??
My head : Putting prints all over the fucking universe ..
If at all debugging was algorithmic like that.. -
I feel disappointed in myself, only now just noticed that the up and down votes are increment and decrement...
Now I hate that notifications from devrant say "someone +1'd your rant" insteda of someone ++'d or someone +=1'd...1 -
When I started developing my current Django project, I had decided to go full TDD, do it like a pro. But I stopped after some time, as I spent more time trying to make the website look right than trying to make the backend work, which always seems to work fine. Am I an idiot? I think I'm going to regret it...6
-
Fml why'd I have to forget my RFID card at work, now I have to wait outside the door like an idiot2
-
Everytime when there is a compilation, rendering, downloading goin on... I jump around the house like an idiot....
-
Question: How to deal with an idiot product owner?
Doesn't understand the job description. Thinks he's the manager. Controlling. Loud. Annoying. -
Today, a colleague requested a merge with 5 commits, but only 3 changes. He must be a wizard or an idiot.1
-
Me: I want to do something exciting and miserable
My idiot friend: Deletr the production DB, yor life would be fucking exciting but unfortunately miserable in very few seconds -
Spent 1-2h (or it felt like so) fixing this one bug today. I'm still mad about it LoL. I knew exactly what was the problem, just didn't know where it was, and went over that piece of code time and time again and didn't see it... UGH THE FRUSTRATION. When I found the error I wanted to get inside a hole and die of how stupid a mistake it was and how it had been staring at me in the face, mocking me for being so dumb. ARGH!4
-
When you do all the heavy lifting at the order of some airhead idiot with their cushy “manager” job that they had to blow someone for… yeah feels great2
-
Working on an assignment for uni, object oriented programming with Java.
Just spent 40 minutes banging my head against the table because I’m a fucking idiot10 -
Okay here we go again...
Do you how to check idiot scrolling and looking for something....Its very simple, you just need to s...[Read more]1 -
I am an idiot.
Apparently, I was running 2 year old drivers for my APU. I didn't notice until today but now that I did, I get those sweet performance improvements. -
Until that recent terrorist attack, I had believed that Ariana Grande is the name of a spacecraft or something. I studied about Ariane 5's failure in software testing course. Maybe that's what made me think like that. 😁
-
Spent an hour trying to optimize some code but none of the stuff I was trying (rearranging/overlapping DMA transfers with other stuff for some ye olde concurrency) seemed to be doing anything.
Aaand obviously the stupid thing was set to autobuild Debug config on save but I was testing Release config. Sigh.1 -
I feel like a fucking idiot. I can't focus whatsoever on the code today, I look at it and can't understand it. Heck, I can't even make a simple C# script...4
-
Clock: Friday, 15:45 PM - just go home now, idiot!
My stupid ass: Makes substantial changes to the code I have been working on and breaks it.4 -
Abraham Lincoln showed how one can rule. John Kennedy showed how one should rule. George Bush showed that every idiot can rule. Donald Trump showed that not every idiot can rule.22
-
I haven't ranted anything in 21 days. Life is getting boring. Same old bugs, idiot clients, implementing crud over and over,,
How to deal with this?4 -
This "I'm complete idiot" feeling when you try tons of different things to solve a problem and none of them works.
1 -
Nothing says asshole like a guy who won't approve your MR even though the feature is working but they prefer implementing it using their preferred approach.
Different coding styles for different folks. What matters is that the approach used is efficient, working and tested. But oh no, you have to write the code exactly how they want it.
Good thing we're free to merge our own MR when the reviewer takes more than two days to merge it.4 -
Not really dev... but / hey all asshole / impatient, idiot drivers : fuck you. I think you should have your licenses taken away - or be shot.7
-
Perforce just deleted all my work from yesterday and today. Apparently using the 'update branch mapping' feature is a bad idea3
-
Me: This ...
Friend: Is not working.
Me: How come it not work?
Friend: You are such a ...
Me: Waste of time. I know.
Friend: Forty minutes is all I'll need to debug this program.
Me: Seconds, Can u do that in Forty seconds.
Friend: Of course not. Why would I?
Me: An idiot teacher wants me to upload it right now.
Friend: Idiot, Is that what u call a teacher.
Please read the first letter of every conversation.10 -
The problem of AGI is that we’re trying to create computer that will outsmart people instead of creating computer that would outsmart biggest idiot on the planet.3
-
Is it just me or when your brain is going through code in the background while you are talking on a video call and then you do a typo in the private chat message and the receiver suddenly thinks you are an idiot!2
-
I don't think today is my day--i'm making alot of silly mistakes: forgot to call callback at end of function, forgot the () to complete the IIFE, copied a SQL querystring and forgot the change the fieldname from 'date' to 'created_at' and wondering why it's returning an empty array.
Self, please get your head in the game -
https://appleinsider.com/articles/...
Tl;Dr This guy thinks apple is poised to switch the Macs to a custom arm based chip over x86! He's now on my idiot list.
I paraphrase:
"They've made a custom GPU", great! That's as helpful as "The iPad is a computer now", and guess what Arm Mali GPUs exist! Just because they made their own GPU doesn't make it suitable for desktop graphics (or ML)!
"They released compilation tools right when they released their new platform, so developers could compile for it right away", who would be an idiot not too...
"Because Android apps run in so many platforms, it's not optimized for any. But apple can optimize their apps for a sepesific users device", what!? What did I miss? What do you optimize? Sure, you can optimize this, you can optimize that... But the reason why IOS software is "optimized", and runs better/smoother (only on the newest devices of course) is because it's a closed loop, proprietary system (quality control), and because they happen to have done a better job writing some of their code (yes Android desperately needs optimization in numerous places...).
I could go on... "WinTel's market share has lowly plataued", "tHeY iNtRoDuCeD a FiElD pRoGrAmMaBlE aRrAy"
For apple to switch Macs to arm would be a horrible idea, face it: arm is slower than x86, and was never meant to be faster, it was meant to be for mobile usage, a good power to Wh ratio favoring the Wh side.
Stupid idiot.19 -
// Pouring over idiot API developer's crappy documentation.
Example:
Goal Detail
* From Docs "table_breakdown key will return an array but will always only contain one json object.
json -> "table_breakdown" [
{
"field" : "value",
"etc" : "etc"
}
]
WHYYYY!!!!1 -
Oh ffs, there was an entire system where you could have "boxed" your laravel applications into with hardly any setup.
And I realise that a couple of weeks before the deadline
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa1 -
Is it impossible to change my username on here, or am I just too much of an Idiot to figure it out?12
-
Nooooo!!! Fuck me, i'm a fucking idiot. I just fat fingered my keyboard while editing my Makefile. Accidentally made the clean "rm *"...
Lost a couple of hours of progress :'(3 -
it happens too often that after I push something the next commit is something like "I am an idiot" 😑6
-
Just took me 5 minutes to realize, that my laptops fans weren't scratching on something, but instead I was scratching a glass with my hoodie... 👏
-
Trying to find a function I swear I had created to retrieve a set of counts from a database. Couldn’t find it. What I could find is the comment I had written with the function being completely overwritten with something entirely different.
I’m a complete fucking idiot and thank fuck for version control. -
Alright, so me being a dumbass, and Acer trying to lock my computer from dual booting means I did a full factory reset... I am an idiot1
-
Felt like an idiot when realized that argument `back_populate` refers to the attribute of the class passed to `relationship`, not the stupid name of the table of any class, ugh
-
It is fucking annoying to do changes in someone else js and ts code... Always give some bullshit thing for which you have only one response kiss my piss IDIOT CODE.....
-
Idiot: "You should use this thing for that ! It's way better than your suggestion "
Me: " ok cool can you explain to me why it's better or even what it does for me? "
Idiot: " well .. It's kind of ... Like .. Erm ....google it man"
Me: "face palm" -
Am I just an idiot for using a RedHat variant ?
Why is Bazel such a piece of crap and why do I have to use it to build Tensorflow ??40 -
Worst part? Hmm.... A lot.
When you your code should be reviewed by an idiot who suppose to put lame comments/corrections for the sake to keep his position. -
Wow shit, you are a colleague of the client and you are talking so informal to me, no freaking manners, besides I'm just starting out with my career and it looks like he is about to retire! Just GO allready and leave the technical stuff to people how can do that shit!!3
-
VS2017 fast load, breaks our project in 7 different ways AND compiles much much slower. Which idiot gave the green light for public release especially with multiple ms blog posts promoting it3
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