What's the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth hurty.

Couldn't resist

Do unit tests.

Always multiply you estimate with pi and add additional 20 %.

Learning git (command line) finally

developer's weekend

New engineer: "How do you estimate how long a project will take?"

         Seasoned engineer: "I add up the time required for each task, then multiply the sum by pi."

         New engineer: "Why pi?"

         Seasoned engineer: "It ensures that all my budgets are irrational."

It has been a long day... 😐

Job post on LinkedIn

// TODO hahaha

Client: Please remove the address inputs from the inquiry form. Our marketing strategist said that more people will fill out the form if there are less input fields.

Me: But you are required by law to include the address in the generated inquiry PDFs!

Client: Can you remove the fields and still include the address in the PDF somehow?

Me: No. How would the website know the users address without asking for it.

Client: Okay. Wait! Can we change the form to just one large input where the user has to enter everything at once? That is even less inputs so more users would do it, right?

Me:...

What’s the most efficient algorithm to find duplicates in a set?

An SO moderator

Now, browse cities on Firefox!

Are you fucking serious right now?!

I hate Upwork so much

When a website uses https but stores passwords in plain text...

When you move from ADSL to Fibre Optics

I have an array of 1037 records. The soap service only accepts 100 at a time. So, I write code to send an array of 100 records at a time to the soap service in a loop and get a response back of, "The maximum number (100) of records allowed for this operation has been exceeded." Well, I'll try 99 records then. Nope same error. I'll try 50 records, nope I'll just bang my head on the desk now since the documentation and error say it is a record limit of 100. 😠

Look at my code again. I was grabbing 100 records out of the array of 1037 records and storing it in a new array, but I was sending the original array with 1037 records instead of the temporary array in the loop. 😢 I'm going to bed.

Oh no!

When you talk to other devs about what their code did. I also relate myself to this.

Multithreading.

THE FUCK WHY did the company which made the website I'm maintaining now ADD CUSTOM FACEBOOK LIKES AND TWITTER FOLLOWER WIDGETS - IN A SUBDIRECTORY OF THE THEME?

Guess what, you motherfuckers: One year after you made that damn page the Facebook API changed and your stinking widget is broken REQUIRING ME TO REWRITE MOST OF IT!

Also WHO THE FUCK LEFT HIS BRAIN ON HIS BEDSIDE TABLE the day he decided to HARDCODE ASSETS WITH AN http:// (no tls) URL? YES, browsers will block that shift if the website itself is delivered over tls, because it's a GAPING SECURITY HOLE!

People who sells websites that have user management and thus request authentication without AT LEAST OFFERING FUCKING STANDARD TLS SHOUD BE TARRED AND FEATHERED AND THEN PUT IN A PILLORY IN FRONT OF @ALEXDELARGE'S HOUSE!

Maybe I should be a bit more thankful - I mean I get payed to fix their incompetence. But what kind of doctor is thankful for the broken bones of his patient?

Eternal regret is starting to learn programming with VB6.

Is eslint calling me stupid?

Professor : Explain deadlock and I will give you full marks.

Me:- You give me full marks and I'll explain deadlock.

Before starting to work. Puts on earphones and starts listening music, while working wild error appears, pauses music to concentrate on fixing error.

Day passes earphone on but no music playing.
Happens every time.

First it was the "set up WampServer so the client can use our database", to which I told her we should use an embedded database, to which she told me to do.

Then the "Just give the client a .jar file and install the JRE in his laptop" to wich I told her we can make a native installer, to which she fucking assigned to me.

Then the whole fucked up management thing with no design whatsoever and the "we don't need version control".

To just a few hours earlier, when she got mad because I set up a Slack for us to exchange information easily, she told me she was already mad because I shared the project by Google Drive and that she worked in security and knows the risk... AND AT THE SAME TIME, she uses Gmail to share the project.. BRILLIANT !

A customer once wanted a button to sort a table column by name (alphabetically).
We told him, he just needed to click the column once.

The response:
C:"I still want that button!"

Just why...?

Web form request.

Client: Can we have an Excel workbook with a form? Download it. Fill it out? Then upload the workbook.

This was his suggestion. The workbook would be potentially updated by over 5000 users.

WTH!!!!!!