Recruiter: And I found your devRant account, it’s @brod right? very interesting stuff.
Me: ...

Current mood:

- Referred to manager as "Mein fuhrer" to a colleague in slack.
- Reading an email from a recruiter.

Recruiter: Why you choose this company to work with?

Me: I didn't choose it, I have other interviews.

Recruiter: So why we should hire you?

Me: So I can pay my bills.

Recruiter: Hi, i'm recruiting for xyz, your profile looks like a great fit. Would you be interested in discussing further?

Me: Hi, your company website says you only have an office location in Berlin. I've marked my profile as not interested in relocation, only interested in jobs in my country and said the same in my description. Are you expanding to my country?

Recruiter: You are correct, this role is based in AMAZING Berlin. Are you interested in relocating?

Me:

So True...

*You can't make this shit up*

Recruiter: Hi, I saw your profile on LinkedIn and I think I have a great programmer opportunity for you today! Can you tell me a little bit about your experience?

Me: Sure, I mostly work with JavaScript and C# and have several years of experience in designing, developing, and deploying enterprise-level applications in production environments.

Recruiter: Hmm, um OK. Have you ever created programs using InDesign or Microsoft Word?

Me: Excuse me?

Recruiter: You know, anything like pamphlets or event brochures?

Me: Are you talking about physical paper programs such as those that accompany events/conferences?!

Recruiter: Yes! What else would I be taking about?

Me: I'm in the software development industry, so I thought you were talking about programming in that context.

Recruiter: Oh no! Those positions are for the men, sweety. I mean, I wouldn't expect any women to know that other techy stuff...

*Hangs up*

So I got an email yesterday. The balls on this fucking guy.

R: Random ass recruiter on LinkedIn
Me: me

R: Hey I was searching for X skill and your name popped up first. Would you like to work for our company? It's an urgent position with good pay and awesome latest tech

Me: I quit that very company 5 months ago, because the pay was low and the tech was from the 1990's.

R: :/

Me: :|

PS: I'm not 100% sure of this, but based off the tech stack, I'm pretty sure it was for the same fucking position I quit from.

My linkedin: "please dont contact me about javascript work"

Every recruiter on linkedin: "hold my beer"

When microsoft recruiter adds u on linkedin and she endorsed u on nothing but python

recruiter:
I see you worked for 5 years at xyz and you used c# but your CV says you used other technologies like sql and you did testing.. So how much of your time was spent writing c#?

me:
Most of the time.. Maybe 60%.

recruiter:
Ok, let me work that out... ok I will put down that you have 3 years c# experience.

A recruiter just sent me a position which required 10+ year experience on ReactJS. So, should I reply "Good luck."?

Job interview for junior dev position:

Recruiter: Implement stack
Me: Here you go *typical C++ stack implementation, struct node, push, pop*
Recruiter: This is classical over engineering, you should just inherit from std::stack
Me: wtf?

So from hearing all those horrible recruiter stories on here, I am still kinda anxious to contact them/apply to jobs but fuck it, gotta find something.

So this morning, I was browsing jobs and saw one that seemed interesting. Applied through the app and didn't give it a second thought (they usually contact me after a week or so).

Then, 5 minutes later I suddenly got called by a number I don't know so picked up and:

Me: Hello, this is linuxxx (not gonna use my real name :P).
R: Hello, I am {r.name}, from {r.company}. I saw you are interested in {job.name}!
Me: Holy fuck (yeah i about literally said that), I did NOT expect to get a call within 5 minutes! *suddenly realizes I have to act professional, fuck me*.
R: That's alright haha! So may I ask you a few questions?
Me: *okay so that went better than expected* Yeah sure!:

- He asked me about many things but specifically about how I got into Linux and how my interest etc for it started AND where I learned it. He was very surprised to hear that I've learned everything myself :).

So, instead of getting an ass on the line, we talked, laughed and talked job oppertunities for half an hour :D.

I am not that afraid of recruiters anymore.

Been getting rejected for Linux related jobs all over for the last few months. Yesterday I emailed a company yet again because fuck it.

Got a call today from their recruiter! Genuinely nice guy and he's going to call me back tomorrow! Let's hope this finally goes well 😄

My linkedin profile = ~7 years as an iOS developer. All of my job titles are "iOS Developer", "iOS Engineer" or "Mobile lead".

Recruiter: Hi, your profile looks great, I have a number of open roles matching your skills. Would you be free for a call to discuss your salary expectations, skills, what you are looking for etc.

Me: Hi, sorry I don't have time for a call right now, here are answers to your questions. Can you send me on any iOS job specs you have and i'll review. <answers>

Recruiter: Sorry I have no open iOS roles at this time.

Bitch ... ima find you and make you understand

Got matched with a cute girl on Tinder. She was a recruiter. She didn't want to talk about anything other than this "great" opportunity...

A recruiter just invited me to Christmas dinner at her home to "discuss some business opportunities", so there's that.

Recruiter: "Do you have at least 5 years of experience with Angular?"
Me: "No, barely half a year"
Recruiter: "Then why did you get in touch with me?"
Me: "You were the one calling me [you moron]"

A lot of effort went into this job description. Well done recruiter, well done 👍

A recruiter called me today. I had to barracade myself in the laundry room to hear him, and still needed to ask him to repeat himself 7-8 times. he spoke at what must have been 15% volume with a super thick Indian accent. He also couldn't pronounce a full third of the terms.

Here's how it went.

recruiter: you full-stack dev? what experience?
me: yes, about 8 years, maybe 10.
recruiter: you know C#?
me: no.
recruiter: you know java? tomcat? spring?
me: no, I don't know Java.
recruiter: you know react? angular? apache? node?xml? json? html?
me: yes. yes, angular 1. yes, yes, ...
recruiter: ok, i email you java job posting
me: I don't know java.
recruiter: ok, i email you.

Recruiter used "email java job posting." It wasn't very effective.
Recruiter moves quickly! Recruiter used "did you get my email? email" immediately after. It was super effective! @Root becomes angered!

Recruiter calls.
Recruiter calls.
@Root becomes enraged!

Recruiter calls.
recruiter: what [???] [?] [???] [??] java [???] [??] [???] okay
recruiter: You know C#?
me: No, I still don't know C#.
recruiter: ok thank you for time. 😡 *click*

What just happened?
I really don't understand their species.

Me: Sorry X I won't be able to continue my job search. Currently in hospital got hit by a car.

Recruiter: I'm so sorry to hear that hope your recovery goes well.

2hrs later

Recruiter: just a catch-up - when did you say you're getting discharged?

😐

I typically stop reading recruiter emails when I get to the word anal.

When a recruiter working for my company tried recruiting me for another company.

Saw this recruiter looking for JavaScript developers on LinkedIn today

Recruiter: this job is about dotNet and git.
Me: I never worked with dotNet before.
Recruiter: Okay, maybe we can get you in for git then.

FML!

Recruiter: Why makes you leave a company?

Me: When the company don't appreciate their employees, when I have to develop a small system for them and they never use it. when they try to give me the calm down needle.

Recruiter: what is the calm down needle?

Me: It's when I come with an issue i am facing and you tell me you will fix it, and promise me its gonna happen and never do it.

Recruiter: Silence....

Me: "Keep Talking" When you promise some employee and you are not able to deliver your promise .. well, Its just better if you didn't promise him!

Recruiter: Ok, "next question"

Damn I feel like I was so mad and my answer were straight forward with no bullshit. I think I scared her.

When a recruiter puts Java in a job spec when they mean JavaScript

I'm 20, and I consider myself to be as junior as they come. I only started programming seriously in June 2016,and since then, I've been doing mainly Android Work, and making my own servers and backends(using AWS/Firebase nd stuff).
For the first time in life, I was approached by a recruiter for a company on linkedIn. They "stumbled upon" my Github profile and wanted to see if I was interested in an internship opportunity. This company is an early stage start up, by that I mean a dude with an idea calling himself the CEO and a guy who "runs a tech blog" and only knows college level C programming (explaination follows).

So they want me to make the app for their startup. and for that, I ws first asked to solve a couple problems to prove my competence and a "technical interview" followed.
They gave me 3 questions, all textbook, GCD of 2 numbers, binary search and Adding an element to the linked List, code to be written on a piece of paper. As the position was that of an Android Developer, I assumed that Java should be the language of choice. Assumed because when I asked, the 'tech blogger' said, yeah whatever.
But wait, that ain't all, as soon as I was done, Mr. Blogger threw a fit, saying I shouldn't assume and that I must write it in C. I kept my cool (I'm not the most patient person), and wrote the whole thing in C.
He read it, and asked me what I've written and then told me how wrong I was to write 2 extra lines instead of recursion for GCD. I explained that with numbers large enough, we run the risk of getting a stackoverflow and it's best to apply non recursive solution if possible. He just heard stackoverflow and accused me of cheating. I should have left right then, but I don't know why, I apologized and again, in detail explained what was happening to this fucktard. Once this was done, He asked me how, if I had to, I'd use this exact code in my Android App. I told him that Id rather write this in Java/Kotlin since those are the languages native to Android apps. I also said that I'd export these as a Library and use JNI for the task. (I don't actually know how, I figured I can study if I have to).
Here's his reply, "WTF! We don't want to make the app in Java, we will use C (Yeh, not C++, C). and Don't use these fancy TOOLS like JNI or Kotlin in front of me, make a proper application."
By this I was clear that this guy is not fit to be technical lead and that I should leave. I said, "Sir, I don't know how, if even possible, can we make an Android App purely in C. I am sorry, but this job is not for me".
I got up and was about to leave the room, when we said, "Yeah okay, I was just testing you".
Yeah right, the guy's face looked like a howling monkey when I said Library for C, and It has been easier for me to explain code to my 10 year old cousin that this dumbfuck.
He then proceeded to ask me about my availability, and I said that I can at max to 15-20 hours a week since my college schedule is pretty tight. I asked me to get him a prototype in 2 months and also offered me a full time job after I graduate. (That'd be 2 years from now). I said thank you for the offer, but I am still not sure of I am the right person for this job.
He then said, "Oh you will be when I tell you your monthly stipend."
I stopped for a second, because, money.
And then he proceeded to say 2 words which made me walk out without saying a single word.
"One Thousand".

I live in India, 1000 INR translates to roughly $15. I made 25 times that by doing nothing more than add a web view to an activity and render a company's responsive website in it so it looks like an app.

If this wasn't enough, the recruiter later had the audacity to blame me for it and tell me how lucky I am to even get an offer "so good".
Fuck inexperienced assholes trying shit they don't understand and thinking that the other guy is shitsworth.

Recruiter logic

"We see you have JS experience, how about a job as a Senior C Embedded systems engineer, we can only pay 30$ an hour "

Recruiters and HR plz note there is difference between Web Developer and Web Designer... I repeat there is difference between Developer and Designer.

Resume: experience in c, c++, java and Android.
Recruiter: DO YOU HAVE 10+ YEARS EXPERIENCE WITH SWIFT AND IOS??!!

Recruiter: Do you use .net C#?
Me: Uh. No. I applied for a position of a front-end developer. I use JavaScript and...
Recruiter: Oh, that's good. We need an Android developer.
*sigh*

Recruiter: Tell me why are you passionate about what we do!
Dev: I enjoy not starving to death...

So, I was talking to a recruiter..... After 15 minutes of telling her what I do.....She asked are you into coding?

Recruiter: I see you got a good degree, however, what were your high school results (A-levels)?

Me: why would you need them?
(they were average, but I tell the recruiter)

Recruiter: Oh, so you were pretty lucky to get a good degree.

Me: No... I worked really hard for it.

Recruiter: Anyway, my client only deals with people who got high grades in high school.

What the fuckkkkkkk?

#stopthismadness

Recruiter: hi, I have an iOS Developer role. Would you be interested?

Me: sure, send me on the spec.

Recruiter: ok great so for this Full stack app developer role we are looking for someone with:

- 5+ years embedded C/C++ experience
- 5+ years of working with Windows and Linux
- Native Android development
- As well as Native iOS experience

Interested?

Me: ......... ok buddy, you and me are going to have a little chat about what “iOS Developer” means

When the recruiter on LinkedIN calls you with a different name...

!rant
Dream Interview
-recruiter. Where is the 2nd page of your letter of application?
-me you now can get it as a DLC for Just 4.99!
-recruiter you're hired, welcome to EA Games!

So this is what I received from a very bad recruiter.

I don't even know why I covered the details, this deserves to be public xD

Also, consider that this message came with <no subject>..

Recruiter: Hi practiseSafeHex, I’ve looked at your LinkedIn profile and you look like a perfect fit for my new client. The role is a lead Java developer with experience in .......

Me: Where on my profile have I listed or mentioned Java in any way?

LinkedIn Notification: a person who chose to remain anonymous, with the title “Recruiter” just viewed your profile.

Wow, I wonder who could it possibly be? I’m stumped!

Also probably the first time he did look. Getting fed up with these asshats

A recruiter on call, going through my GitHub project with MIT License: "but it is taken from MIT, is it?"

Everytime a recruiter contacts you about a position in "an award winning company"

Phone rings, recruiter: "hi Scott just come across your CV and really want to talk to you about an exciting opportunity"
Me: "Ok, cool, can I just qualify this call, what was the keyword search you used to find my profile?"
Recruiter: "it's for a Java developer role for an exciting employer"
Me: "so you matched me on a Java training course I did 8 years ago?"
Recruiter: "ok, but I see you're fully qualified in c#"
Me: "you mean the support developer role from 5 years ago?"
Recruiter: "yes"
Me: "😑"
Recruiter: "listen it's a pretty bad line can I call you on a land line or drop you an email?"
Me: "sure drop me an email with your contact details and I'll give you a call back"

Still waiting on that email...

Why can't recruiters just admit straight away that they blindly called you without even reading your CV

What the fuck, it says on both my LinkedIn profile and on my CV that I'm a student but I can take on part time projects, and I also told a recruiter the same thing over phone (after he found me on LinkedIn).

Today I had lunch with said recruiter. Guess who had no clue I was a student?

A recruiter asks for my LinkedIn credentials to save me from the hassle of updating my profile.
Is this the new 'send me your cv in .doc format so I can write whatever I want in there'?
I'm not even looking for a job and I don't know who you are! Fuck off!

When a recruiter calls you about a .NET developer role and asks if you wear glasses because the client wants someone who can "see sharp". 😜

when the recruiter asks to explain the past story of my coding work

I had enough of these "Recruiters" bugging me and decided to reply

Fucking take a minute read the god-damn description of the profile to see if they have those skills mentioned at-least

The reason why hiring a Recruiter in Software/Web Development industry is a waste of time and money.
- A real story from 2 years ago.

**few minutes of recruiter reading my resume, skills and whatnot**

Recruiter: Okay sir, we are looking for people skilled in C# for our app development and Java for our business software envirnoment. Which one are you interested in.

Me: C#.

Recruiter: I see, well.. I'm afraid we already have someone for the seat.. *checks resume again*.. maybe you would be interested in Java?

Me: Not really, why is that if I may ask?

Recruiter: Well, says here you have experience in Javascript

Me: *trying not to cringe* Yes, but I didn't see any Javascript related job available.

Recruiter: Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't "Java" just short for Javascript?

Me: No, just like C# isn't short for C and C++

Recruiter: *oops* then I think we do have a free spot for you.

TL;DR - the guy had guidelines but no field-specific knowledge.. I only feel sorry for the other guy who thought he got the job lol.

That moment you realize that a recruiter refactored your resume and "corrects" Symfony to Symphony and sent it to multiple companies...

Recruiter: do you have a negative character ?

Me: yes, sometimes I become lame.

Recruiter: but why is that?

Me: this is not your business

Le me at the end of an interview

Recruiter: What is your salary expectations

*trying to find a good number but without exaggeration*

Me: well, about x USD.

Recruiter: that's ok for us.

Me inside: oh I should asked more than that! Stupid me.

Not my recruiter experience, but one of the worst I've heard by far 😖

Got a LinkedIn message from a recruiter looking to know if I’m interested in a full stack developer role, to only work on front end. The requirement is that I know one of:

“go, node.js, rails, python, C# .NET, RoR etc”.

I wonder who it is that doesn’t have a clue, company or recruiter (or both?).

I’m actually going to reply to this one for fun to try figure out this mess (yes I’m that bored)

Hi Dev Ranter,

My name is John Smith and I came accross to your resume on Linked In and I was very impressed. Would you be interested in a 5 min call?

Job Details:
Required skills (all expert levels): C#, JAVA, Clojure, C, PHP, Frontend, Backend, Agile, MVP, Baking, Redis, Apache, IIS, RoR, Angular, React, Vue, MySQL, MSSIS, MSSQL, ORACLE, PostgreSQL, Access, Python, Machine Learning, HTML, CSS, Fortran, C++, Game design, Book writing, PCI - Compliance
Salary: $15/Hours no benefits
Duration: 2 Months (possible extension, plus we can fire you at will)
Place: Remote (with work tracking software)
Hours: 5am - 1pm, 6pm - 11pm
Expect to work on weekends

You will be managing people as well as building applications that had to be running as of yesterday. Team culture is very toxic and no one cares about you.

We care about you though (as long as you deliver)

Looking forward to talk to you.

John Smith
Founder, CEO, Director of Staffing, Entrepeneur
Tech Staffers LLC ( link to a PNG posted on facebook)
Est. 2020

Had a recruiter contact me at home on my day off.

Recruiter: We have a company that would be interested in hiring a C# developer because of your programming skillset.

Me: Does it involve ASP.NET?

Recruiter: Yes.

Me: I apologize, but I don't have any skills in ASP.NET. I've been instead focusing on building my skillset with Java Spring/Hibernate and soon JavaScript to start building front end skills with my backend skillset.

Recruiter: Oh, is Java an in demand skill that companies want?

....Why are you talking to me mate? Take off your headset, go home, and rethink your life choices.

Please, if you're recruiting a freshly graduated or junior developper, DO NOT ask him to be a fucking expert in whatever field or tech you're looking for.

I found this posted by a recruiter and I liked it:
| hired someone that didn't shake my hand firmly during the
interview - he rocked as an employee.
| hired someone with three typos on their resume. - She was
the most detailed oriented person l’ve ever worked with.
| hired someone without a college degree- He was way
smarter, innovative, and creative than mel!
| hired someone with four kids- Never met someone so
devoted and committed to her career.
| hired someone who had been incarcerated as a young adult.
- He's a VP now.
| hired someone over 60- she taught me some tricks on excel
that | use to this day!
Can we please throw out all those silly assumptions and rules that we've made up in our head about what a person needs to
be, look like, have accomplished, and do, to succeed?
In my experience, as an HR leader and as a hiring manager, it's those that typically don't get a “shot” who tend to kick butt
in the workplace!
So before you throw that resume away because they don't have every certificate and degree - or - don't call back that candidate because they didn't give you a firm handshake - think about trying something new. Someone new.

When a recruiter calls you and asks what your experience level is with "C-hash"

Recruiter emails me about a role. I replied that I am not interested.

Two weeks later, the recruiter emails me again that my profile is not suitable for the role and they have saved my details and will contact me in future.

WTF. This is a very well reputed organization for that matter.

Recruiter: “can you write your own framework?”

Me, after considering for a good minute: “well, I am kinda starting to automate lots of things so I guess if I wanted I may be able to... for sure I’d learn a lot along the way...”

Recruiter: “very good!”

Me:”wait, why would you want that skill?”

Recruiter: “our customers want custom code”

Me:”so you write a new framework every time?”

Recruiter: “ah you have also experience in [x]!”

Some people scare me 😟

Once a recruiter called me

Recruiter: Hi, We are looking for an Android developer with n+ years of experience

Me: Umm ok. Actually I am not a full fledged native Android developer, but I can work on hybrid platform where we can create an App for Android using Web Technologies like html and javascript

Recruiter : ohh I will talk to our tech team and get back to you

Me: Sure. Thank you

-Next day-

Recruiter : so you can create an Android application right

Me: yes but using web technologies not JAVA

Recruiter : ok your interview is scheduled on x date and you will get an email

Me: ok cool. Thanks

-Interview day-

Interviewer : so lets start with the technical round, tell me what are Fragments

Me: :| i know what is a Fragment but I am not a native developer but Hybrid application developer like in phonegap - cordova using javascript

Interviewer: ohh but our App is in native Android and native IOS

Me: da faq :| (why the fuck did you call me then)

Interviewer : nice meeting you man

Me: :|||

- Next day same Recruiter again called me-

Recruiter : So how was your Interview?

Me: Actually they are looking for native developer, i told you i dont work on native

Recruiter : So your interview WENT BAD!

ME: What da FUCK :||||||

-Again same day after sometime-

Recruiter : So can you make Apps for IOS?

Me: What the fuckin fuck... :|||||||¦

I'm sorry but I have a special hate in my heart for recruiters.

Achievement Unlocked: Approached by a Google Tech Recruiter

An amazing recruiter found me on LinkedIn. According to her cv she has incredible skills such as “Internet Browsers“ and “Google Calender“. Maybe I should give her a call?

Pick yours

A recruiter contacted me for a salesman position

That moment when your at a career fair and a non-tech recruiter won't hire you because you don't have the paper experience but the tech recruiter is questioning a guy with "5 years of Java experience" who can't answer what an anonymous inner class is.

Job post on LinkedIn

I was stuffing shrimp in my mouth when I received a call from a recruiter. I didn't apply for their company then she asked me, "May I know why you're looking for a new job?" Bitch, I was eating. I wasn't looking for anything. I haven't applied to any job postings since last year.

-----------------------

There was another time the conversation went like this:

Recruiter: "Hi, we're looking for developers blah blah blah. Do you know about <company name>?"

Me: "No."

Recruiter: *explains what the company is and what it does*

Recruiter: "May I know why you want to apply for <company name>?"

Me: "Huh?"

-----------------------

Recruiter: "So this is the salary we are offering you."

Me: "Hmmmmm.. I'll think about it."

Recruiter: "Did you receive another offer?"

Me: *being honest* "Yes but I negotiated it, I'm waiting for their revised offer. I want to see that first before I decide."

Recruiter: *calls a few minutes later* "Have you decided yet?"

Me: "Nope, still waiting."

Recruiter: *sighs* "How about I add X amount to the salary?"

Me: "Hmmm.. Can you make it <double the increase>?"

Recruiter: "No, that's the maximum."

Me: "Lol. Okay."

Recruiter call me for a position in his company and after speaking for a while he asked me to refer him in my company 🤣

A recruiter just signed their LinkedIn message off with "talk nerdy to me" O_o

Recruiter: What is Go?
Me: It's a newish programming language developed by some really cool guys at Google with C-like syntax and great concurrency support.
Recruiter: So it's like Google's version of RESTful?
Me: Umm…

When you get a mail from a recruiter for a Java job, because you have JavaScript on your LinkedIn and it's obviously the same...

"This is Andy from [COMPANY_NAME]."

Hello Andy!

"we have just spoken on the phone"

Did we, that's odd because my phone never rang.

"in regard to a PHP focused Software Development role central Manchester as a PHP developer"

A php focused role dealing with php, where do i sign up?

"working for one of the U.K.s most well established and fastest growing international retailers with a turnover of £500 million in profit in 2016 and are continuously growing year on year, however I couldn’t reach you."

I thought you said we had just spoken?

"I’ve looked over an old CV of yours and feel the position fits well with your experience and I’m keen to discuss these roles further with yourself and find out your situation."

"Please can you call me ASAP on the details below or let me know a good time to talk."

Wait, didn't we just speak?

Recruiters now a-days :
Recruiter : I noticed you have java script experience on your resume, we’re looking for a junior Java developer with 7 years of experience

Me : -_____________-

When the recruiter is too ambitious!!!!

Recruiter: Hi practiseSafeHex, you were speaking to one of my colleagues recently and I know at the time you said you weren't interested in interviewing with us. I just wanted to check is that still the case?

Me: Yes I haven't changed my mind since last week. You still have awful things on your glassdoor page for my country, and its still a role / area i'm not interested in. Please read my responses and please fuck off

Call with recruiter:
me: I'm an Android Developer.
recruiter: Great. So you use Angular and React at work?
me: ???

Recruiter: "How do you see the future of the field?"

Me: "... How do I see the future of neurorobotics?"

Hom: "Yes"

Me: 😐 *baffled*

I recruited another devRanter today!

FUCK THE RECRUITERS WHO ASK US TO MAKE AN ENTIRE PROJECT AS A CODE TEST.

Oh you need to scrape this website and then store the data in some DB. Apply sentimental analysis on the data set. On the UI, the user should be able to search the fields that were scraped from the website. Upon clicking it should consume a REST API which you have to create as well. Oh and also deploy it somewhere... Oh I almost forgot, make the UI look good. If you could submit it in one week, we will move towards further rounds if we find you fit enough.

YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK YOU!

I can apply to 10 others companies in one week and get hired in half the effort than making this whole project for you which you are going to use it on your website YOU SADIST MOTHERFUCK

I CURSE YOUR COMPANY WITH THE ETERNITY OF JS CALLBACK HELL 😡😤😣

recruiter of a company i was dying.to work in calls while im at work in a job i hated.

recruiter: hello, i saw the several applications you sent using our careers portal.

me: (rushes to bathroom ready to talk about scheduling the first interview) yes that is correct thank you fornbcontacting me !

recruiter: please stop applying several times, you have been rejected and need to wait a minimum of 3.5 years for us to re evaluate your resume in the future.

A recruiter rang me up on my birthday (Friday)

Had an interview (Tuesday)

Started work (Wednesday)

Oh for Fuck's sake buddy. What makes you think you are special?

if a recruiter calls me one more time about an "exciting opportunity" 500 miles away, I'm gonna punch a baby in the face.

(A fucking pushy assrat of a LinkedIn recruiter called me at my job today, this is my message after he cowardly hung up before I could inherit the call from our secretary)

Dear Mr. $PUSHY_RECRUITER

Please don't call me again, as I already wrote you my unavailability in March.
I don't see your logic in calling me AT MY JOB. It does not make any sense except if you just wanted to call me to see if I'm still there and then hang up like a fucking coward.
If you really wanted to hire me, you should have written me a more thorough description about the job after my initial message of unavailability thus creating the chance for me to reconsider your offer.

But since you seemingly thought it was an absolutely great idea to call me at the workplace (thus making me look really bad in the eyes of my coworkers) I wish you a sincere and honest "fuck you".

Please don't ever call or message me again.
I am extremely happy at my current job and will not consider leaving in the next 100 years.

Signed,
Yet another pissed off developer.

"Hi, our client is looking for a dot net developer, and we think you'll be a good fit."
- you got the wrong person i believe.
"you list laravel & phalcon.. Those are .net?"

I'm not sure what to say here, a recruiter whom doesn't see my employed tag & doesn't know how to Google..

Laravel & phalcon is .net.. Aaallrighty then.

Recruiter:

... the bank purchased a 3rd party tool and hired a 3rd party development team to add some features to the tool. That external team hired their own 3rd party team, and now there are 400+ bugs in the system. Would you like to work as a test-automation lead on this project?

Me: Fuuuucck no.

A call with a recruiter:

Recruiter: you have written web apps (in this language) but not software?

Me: ...

So my room mate received an email from a recruiter today:

Hey XXX,

We have not given up yet. We know you are a busy person so we thought of a very time-saving number system. Just send us the number that fits.

1) I am interested, tell me more.
2) Offer sounds interesting but I still don't have time, message me again in 6 months.
3) Thanks for the offer but XXX is still not a city I am interested in.
4) Not interested, thanks for the offer.

1,2 or 3? I am looking forward to your number ;)
(They actually included the wink emoji)

Regards,
Recruiter XXX

We usually don't read these recruiter emails but this one was actually funny :D

It isn't written in English but I trust you will understand the most important word

Dear recruiter.. When calling me, better know what fucking city I live in before wasting my time..

Me: * Has roughly 1.5 years of PHP experience *

LinkedIn recruiter: Hello Java expert with lots of Oracle enterprise experience, wanna call?

When a random recruiter texts you an irrelevant job posting instead of spamming your voicemail or email like they usually do...

Recruiter: why did you quit last job
Me: why not? It was worth quitting 🤣

*Awkward silence*

Recruiter: Hi practiseSafeHex, how are things? 😎

———————————————

Bitch we aren’t friends. Where’s the job spec?

Am I the only one who thinks recruitment processes are lower quality the more the industry evolves?

I just shocked an interviewer by saying i’m not checking all their boxes from the ad, after being pushed by their hr to take the interview, regardless beeing made sure by HR thats not a problem.

After interview radio silence. i don’t get it...first you headhunt someone, spend 3 weeks in convincing for an on-site and then you can’t even bother sending a “Dude you are not what we look for in the end” mail?

Guess I ask too much from recruiters, did anyone else encountered this?

Recruiter of the day: "Hi [...] I think you will be very interested in <random startup name>. You will work on Digital Projects."
Oh, really?!? I thought I would wrote code on paper!

Had an onsite at Google.

After a couple of days recruiter told me to try in 6 months to a year again.

It sucks that feeling.

>Recruiter: So you have worked with Java for about ten years now.
>Me: Yes.
>Recruiter: What do you like the most about Java?
>Me: ...

I was just sent this from a recruiter. It hurts to read this...

Would it sound bad if I said I leave because of technical debt to recruiter or my company?

This is probably a dumb question but:

I've (maybe embarrassingly) never been approached by a recruiter. Why does everyone hate them so much?

Wouldn't being approached by, say, a recruiter from Google or Facebook or whatever be something to be excited about?

This is the third time a recruiter calls me while I am shitting on the toilet.
It's one of two, they call me too often. Or I shit a lot

Recruiter e-mail:

„Hope this InMail finds you in the best of your health.

I was going through your profile and found your Scala experience pretty attractive. Infact your experience matches one of the job requirements that I'm working on.”

Sure, but I don’t have anything even remotely mentioning Scala on my profile.

Recruiter: Hi, we like your CV. Do you have a portfolio?

Me: Yeah, the links on my CV.

Recruiter: Oh nice. We'll send you an email with some job roles.

Don't get an email....

Recruiter: "I'm looking for someone with 10 years experience in Android."

Me: O_o

Most awkward recruiter interaction was probably when I had to tell a staffing agency that I didn't want to work for them because I had already worked for them and left.

I got into IT by working for a staffing agency and I was contracted out to a large company's IT call center. Doing the usual sort of level-one tech support stuff. After my contract term ran out (and upon reminding my boss that she wouldn't be my boss for much longer if she didn't hire me away from the staffing agency), I was hired on full-time.

Six months later I left the call center and moved on to a cloud server development job in the same company. Not long after that, I got a message on LinkedIn from the staffing agency, offering to hire me on as a contractor working for one of their largest partners in the area.

I responded asking for more details, just for fun. The company I'd be working for, etc. Then I had to inform them that I had in fact previously worked for their firm, and now worked at the company that they were offering to contract me out to, and earning a fair bit more money than they were offering.

They didn't even look at my employment information on LinkedIn before sending the InMail. Just glanced over my skills, saw the magic buzzword "devops," and sent me a message.

Thought this was funny from a recruiter

when you don't update your LinkedIn profile and a recruiter offers a job in the company where you actually work...

I've just received a LinkedIn message from a recruiter:
«Dear Sonia,
[the remaining part of the message is written in Italian]»

What's wrong with you, HR people?

My new default response to recruiter rejections.

That feeling when a company HR person (recruiter) tells you after your interview that this has been the best interview so far and you have made her day

:)

A recruiter called me today asking if I was interested in his position of "Cloud Person"

This recruiter was probably hoping to gain my attention with mystery?

I see many developers ranting about recruiters messaging, texting or even calling them. While in my case, the recruiter doesn't even accept my invitation on LinkedIn!

Recruiter: Hi! I'm a recruiter, and you have a position similar to jobs I'm trying to fill. What are you doing at your current company right now?

Me: Uhm. Working?

Recruiter: Oh! What would make a good candidate for positions like yours?

Me: Uhm. A dedicated employee?

Recruiter: Hey you have Java experience, right?

Me: Uhm, yeah, but I have a job...

Recruiter: I have here a three month contract at £200 a day and...

Me: I already have a job.

Recruiter: What? Paying this much, I think not.

Me: Well, no, but it's a full time role and I just bought a house, so I'm not going to jeopardize my financial stability. I mean what happens at the end of the three months, I'm basically unemployed!

Recruiter: We might have other roles available then.

Me: You MIGHT have roles... Excuse me, but do you think I am an idiot? What lunatic in their right mind would quit a stable full time role, for a short term contract with no guarantee of subsequent work?

Recruiter: Well... They do pay well for Java devs...

Me: Yeah, please delete my file...

My friend was applying for jobs when he came across this listing. I really hope it's a typo...

So today I got an email about a job opportunity. The email was in romainian. This is the exact translation and bear in mind that in romanian as in every other language (I guess) alot of english phrases sound very cringy. This is the email:

We need a fearless hero for the IT realm!
X company, a thriving insurance community, is looking for a real hero of software development that can make code using the .NET mystical hammer that can only be lifted by a worthy, deserving and responsible warrior.

You can't fly? Can't shoot lasers? You are not wasting your night time by looking at the moon on tall blocks wearing a cape? Then you could be the hero we need.

Do not worry, the position does not imply superhuman strength :)) However, it requires intellectual strength and attention to detail. You can even use your powers from a comfortable chair in a welcoming team full of other heroes ready to help you. We won't leave you alone, after all even Batman has Robin :))

I have attached all the information you need. Only The Chosen One can open the document so you will know immediately if you are right. :))

If you want to be responsible with your strength, then I'm waiting for your updated English resume with all your heroic deeds in the past.

Remember, not all heroes wear capes!

... WHAT THE FUCK IS .NET MYSTICAL HAMMER??? AND WHO THE FUCK USES ":))" IN AN EMAIL??

A recruiter asks: "Why are you looking to leave your company ?"
If you tell them you want to grow, they think you have a hidden political agenda.
If you tell them that your boss is unfair, they will think you have problems with authority.
If you tell them that you are not satisfied with the current salary, they will think you are greedy.
If you tell them that you do not get along with someone, they will think you are hard to work with.
If you say you want to be closer to home to spend time with your family, they will think you are lazy.
If you tell them that you are looking for bigger challenges, they will think you are not honest.
If you tell them that you want to acquire new skills, they will think you will quit them when you are done acquiring.
If you tell them they are the ones who initiated the contact with you, and got you interested, they will think you are a
smart-ass.
The truth is - all the reasons above are valid, and those are the real reasons why good people quit.
Which makes this question stupid - makes people uncomfortable..

A recruiter sent this assignment for assessment!

Why why!!!why u do this!!!

When the recruiters can't even spell your name correctly

Give me a break, more needy than a recruiter.

Recruiter: no clear answer to rather your hired yet but you are trending positively 🤦‍♂️. Trending. Positively.

Do any of you know anything about devbuddies.io? Are they nice or just the average recruiter?

Recruiter: I want you to make Android app using Python.
Me:Okay. It will cost you $1000000 :P

Recruiter called me yesterday about applying for job that I already applied for through her. I don't feel special.

Just wanna ask this recruiter what is he smokin in there considering the skills required for this internship.

I found a recruiter that read my CV. My CV, he READ it... ALL of it!

I'm keeping this one, he is very well trained!

I am really getting sick of recruiters contacting me with "great opportunities" then when I ask questions about the post they just give me the answers they think I want to hear. I know when you're lying because if you knew the answer you would have led with that. At least say you'll find out more and then give me a follow up response.

Recruiter: Would it be possible for you to deliver hacking training?
Me: You mean pentesting?
R: Yes, that.
Me: Well, what will it be used for? Breaking into peoples networks and spying on them?
R: Yes, they'll want it to be able to spy on people.
Me: Well, that's unethical, I'm only interested in defensive security practices.
R: Yes, they'll only want it for ethical reasons like defence and against bad guys.
Me: *dirtiest look I could muster*

I mean there's gullible and then there's what ever it is you think I am.

I received this from a recruiter. I can't handle the number of syntax errors. Who is it a appealing to :/

"Fresher Job"
"Experience: 2-4 years"

Where should I put this stick in? 😤

some recruiter posted a recruitment on a public page:
looking for java developer.
Must know: anglar 6, scala and react..

When a recruiter says "a fast-growing, family driven company", he's basically calling it a startup?

Shit recruiters say:
"We need solution experts, not language experts, because a language is just a tool."

Well then, good luck with your spaghetti code solution.

We don't have to be afraid of AI becoming self-concious and eradicating entire humanity in the near future.

Example 1: Amazon ads. You buy a TV and start receiving ads for YET ANOTHER FUCKING TV. Just in case you'd need a second/third/∞ TV on the same day.

Example 2: Recruiter bot Mail. I HOPE it's a mass mail bot and not a real human being ;)

"we're looking for PHP developers"

SELECT * FROM candidates WHERE experience IN ('PHP')
Gives
+10 to intelligence
+5% to skynet training speed

"we're looking for Java developers"

SELECT * FROM candidates WHERE experience IN ('Java')
Gives
+20 to intelligence
+10% to skynet training speed

"we're looking for frontend developers working with Angular."

SELECT * FROM candidates WHERE projects IN ('frontend') AND experience IN ('Angular')
Gives
+40 to intelligence
+20% to skynet training speed

"we're looking for QA Engineers ready to relocate to Ukraine or Cyprus"

SELECT * FROM candidates WHERE experience IN ('QA') AND location NOT IN (any country with higher living standard, lower living costs and no war)
Gives
+80 to intelligence
+40% to skynet training speed

Example 3: Alexa understands me only if I'm drunk.

Sorry Facebook recruiters, I don't think I can work for a company that has all the information that would likely prevent me from getting a job in the first place.

I have added "NO RECRUITERS. Thank You!" in my About description on LinkedIn.

You have 38 missed recruiter calls

What a sad and frustrating day!
I got a call from recruiter. I told him that I'm not actively looking for change. But he requested for 2 mins to listen. He started telling about his company, how great it is, tech stack, perks, salary etc. He is telling everything but not company name, I waited patiently and asked what's the pay I can expect. The number blew my mind, it's nearly double to my current pay. Then...

Me: that sounds amazing, which company is this, and where is it?
Him: it is <my company name> and located at <my current location, same campus>
Me: .....
Him: so, what do you think?
Me: .... I need some time. Let me update my LinkedIn profile first and then, i will get back to you.
Him: sounds wonderful, will call back by Monday. <Call disconnected>
Me: <inside my head> @$_-$#(/+&_#

This in my 10th year in this company, some one kill me please.

Recruiter: I might have the perfect role for you that will match your salary expectations, they want to send you a technical challenge using Java.
Me: Did you read my CV headline at all?
Recruiter: is Java and Javascript not the same?
Me: Thanks but no thanks.

I see a lot of people with shitty interactions with recruiters, but I have the chance to work with one to get into what I want to do (net ops incident response) if I call this recruiter.

Backstory: friend applied for a position, got offered this morning (not going through a recruiter) AS recruiter called him for another position within same company. Friend explained situation, but said someone (me) might call recruiter to talk.

Job would increase salary by minimum of 25% and is much closer to what I want to do. Even if I'm still on call, it's a larger team and I'm interested in the stuff.

How do I not get screwed by recruiter? And am I am ass for applying when I know it's < 1 year and I'd be leaving my team down 2 people (so at half capacity)? And do I care?

I wished linkedin had a mass delete to all recruiter connection/"friends"

Recruiter: how many years of experience do you have?
Me : 4
Recruiter: the client wants someone with a minimum of 5 years
Me : okay then, let me know if anything else is available.
Recruiter: You can change your resume... just add a year.
Me : ???? No thanks
Recruiter: they’ll never know ... you can tell them later
Me : ....

Just send my CV and shit to a recruiter that wanted it.
I do like my current job, but working with military/spaceshit feels tempting.

Recruiter: company looking for 4+ years of software engineering experience.
Me: I don't have 4+ years of experience.
Recruiter: I think it should be fine.
Me: lol fuck off

When a recruiter sends a highly personalized email for an exciting Job opportunity:

Dear Django,
....

My name is Theo by the way

Just finished recruiting processes with 3 companies and I’m afraid that in 2 more years, you will need a masters and to have worked on the Mars rover in order to get a jr position.

Recruiter starts his mail with a question. "Are you really harcore?"

And I think to myself...

"No. I'm really exhausted."

Pat yourself on the back for being in tech without actually developing anything. Become a recruiter today! 👍

I went to every career fair in college. Every semester I dressed up, redid my resume, and went like a champion desperate for work. Last fall I went, and only gave one resume. As I was leaving, I turned back after a question popped into my mind. Watched the recruiter put that resume in the trash. Worlds worst recruiter.

Anyone else develop distain for a recruiter when they ask for your current salary?

First off, what do you mean by ´people like me´?

Do I look like an outer-space creature to you when you look at my profile? Or are you looking for a do-not-feed sign at the side of my wooden fence?

What even, .. I'm human, like you, you moron with a missing 'sapien'.

It's kinda ironic, as you can't even abide the maximum length your message has, which you speak of. Therefore I reckon you lost the second 'sapien' too.

Yes, now you may call me "people", and yourself... well you're mute. You monkey.

Just rambling. /ignored

I genuinely regret and believed that I just got scammed by recruiter. There's a company wanted me to create a prototype of Social Media App in order to be qualified for the interview , which I completed in weeks, as soon as they got my source code, they went ghosting me.

I woke up in the early morning today, in my WeChat Moment appears to be an advertisement of a "Social Media App" , which the design and the concepts are very familiar.

So technically I just build the an app for their money making scheme, and I am unemployed.

I hate myself for making this decision, I thought the app is for testing my capabilities, but unfortunately that's not it...

我只是棋盤上的棋子...........

Got my first message from a recruiter today 😄! Not that I plan to leave the current company but it's a nice feeling 😄

I have waited for years for a recruiter to finally slip up and do this incorrectly. And today, my prayers were answered.

Recruiter: "I see you know Angular, you'd be a great fit for this Hadoop position."

Recruiter rant!
I hate when recruiters send you smileys after your first response - Why can't they simply answer in a formal way? This is business and not just another social network...

Claification, just another social network of course excludes devRant, devRant and its community is awesome and I am so glad that I found the app and can be a small part of it!

So, I put forward to the recruiter that my T&Cs are that I would like to work from home for a minimum of 3 days per week due to the travel time and traffic involved, and that the recruiter should put that forward to their client.

The recruiter received this in response...

"We would be open to looking at flexitime. In terms of days at the office, we would be need him to come to the office three to four days a week as communication is challenging when we have people working from home."

Have they never heard of Slack or Skype... or the Internet? Or am I missing something?

Recruiter: "this will mainly be defect resolution type work"

Me: "just say bug fixing dude"

Received a message from a recruiter on my LinkedIn, decided to meme it.

My most ridiculous recruiter experience is the fact that none of them ever get back to me.

I hate the term "full stack" as it sounds like uneducated recruiter speak, but then can't think of anything better.

Here go again.

Java isn't Javascript...

An IT recruiter company... Well... Not that IT

Recruiters on linkedin...

Recruiter: You'd be a great fit for this senior position! Let's chat!
Me (knowing I'm not senior level): Sure, let's chat!
Recruiter: Wait, you only have 3 years experience. You're not really qualified.
Me: Yup. You should probably look at a profile before starting a conversation.

One time I got an offer for a job I had found through a recruiter. When I wasn't sure if I was going to take the job, and it became clear to the recruiter that he wasn't going to be able to convince me, he had his "manager" get on the phone to try to tell me why I needed to take the job. One of the reasons was "because I was a recent college graduate and wasn't a CS major (I was a minor but had a lot of experience), this was the best offer I could get." It thought it was pretty sad that they resorted to insulting me to try to get me to take the job so they could get their commission. Sleeaaazzzyyy.

I state clearly that I'm a mid-level web developer on my LinkedIn profile.

A few months ago, I got a message from a recruiter asking if I was interested in a senior iOS developer position. I answered as politely as possible saying no and thanked her.

An exact month later the recruiter sent me another message.

...

Can someone explain to me what sort of recruitments logic is this?

Me after giving interview: so when can i expect to get a call back about my results?

Recruiter: within a day or two. Definitely before X.

A few weeks after X...

Me: so, any update?
Recruiter: yes. Are you available now for the next round?

Me: .... Couldn't you have said that earlier???!! (in my mind)

Some random recruiter just endorsed me for HTML 🙌🏼 Made My Day 😍

Me: so what position have you contacted me for?
Recruiter: I don't know, the final offer will tell you this.

So Amazon recruiter followed up today... So I just replied,

Thanks but not interested anymore, easier being a shareholder

Recruiter called me about an HTML5 that they had posted and I applied. Recruiter did not know what HTML5 was and I had to explain it to them so that the questions she was asking me made sense to her.

Why Recruiter mostly don' t know what they are saying?

Today, I got my first recruiter spam (read: unsolicited) email! If they get more common than that, I'll have to build a filter for those.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I got ghosted by a recruiter

Recruiter: «I have an opportunity [...] J2EE development [...] please send CV in .doc format»

Where is my flame thrower?

Recruiter Expecation:

Must have all the experience of a senior developer, but be content with the salary of a junior.

I thanked a recruiter for her patience and help today...

... and I could tell that made her genuinely happy. Recruiters are people too. ^_^

Recruiter: Do you know S D L C?
Me: ... Do you?

Hey this 'recruiter' texted me a job in Iowa. Glad he texted it. I would not want to miss out on it. Also glad he grammar checked it. Wow double whammy!

I am sure Iowa is a nice place but I live in NY. Tough commute. Glad he did his homework - 'This is Ruchi for Arete Technologies I have job opportunitie for you position is Business Continuity Manager. Location is Des Monies,IA.let me know'