Student - Teacher renaming .c to .exe make the program executable ?

Teacher - Yes

A group of people stand up and walking to the door

Teacher - Where are you all going ?

Students - We are going to drop this class.

If you are using a FREE software and you don’t like it
You have 3 options:
- Stop using it,
- create your own,
- or simply, SHUT THE FUCK UP

You get the right to complain about what I build IF AND ONLY IF you paid for it.

Hope this is clear!!!

GF: I'm unable to undo my zip, help
Me: ctrl Z
GF: what!
Me: what? Oh.

(She left me the week after :'| )

I can't see an end, I have no control and I don't think there's an escape - I don't even have a home anymore
.
.
.
Definitely time for a new keyboard

When you set details to Ultra High but keep shadows on Ultra Low.

My girlfriend comes in and sees me on devrant.

GF: "What is that app? I see you using it all the time. Is it like an endless blog with updates?"
Me: "It's kinda like facebook. But for developers. And you don't have any friends".
GF: "That seems like a sad app"

HTTP response code cheat sheet
(From /r/Programmer humor)

So I picked up my nephew from his kindergarten and he told me that forks have round holes.
I laughed and said that forks don't have holes, otherwise the food would fall down through them.

It turs out that he was right and I was wrong.

When you finally finish the client's request then they change their mind

Heh... 😑😑

Fixed a two year old bug by deleting a bunch of code

The joys of web dev

Survey: Would you sign in to this website?

Apparently this little music player has no transmitter, receiver, microphone nor camera, pity on you NSA!

Windows obviously did a secret selective poll on what percentage of their users use dates and times.
:#

When your coworker appreciates your code saying it's neat and beautiful

Didn't believe it till it happened to me!!
Was talking to a third year student...
Me: What languages can you code in?
Student: HTML, CSS
:/ FML
*facepalm*

Gillette Excel

My code sucks

Seems legit.
(No clue what the source is.)

Advertising fail

System.io.weed

HR: We have received complain that you have been sexually harassing an intern.
Me: No, I wasn’t. Me and the new intern all we talk about is Coding, Apps, and TV-Series
HR: You are lying. I have the words that you said to the intern. Do you want me to read it out.
Me: I have no clue what I said to the intern so please read it out.
HR: You said, “Always pull before you push”. Do you remember saying this?
Me: Yes, I was teaching the intern how to use GIT.
HR: Okay, let me call the intern and let see if he says the same.

** Intern **
HR: Was he sexually harassing you today at any time.
Intern: No
HR: Did he said, “Pull before you push” to you?
Intern: Yes
HR: What does that mean, sounds like a slang for something sexual.
Intern: haha, no it means that I should pull the changes made to the files before I can push the changes I did to the code from my computer.
HR: But he said something else like he was teaching you how to use GIT
Intern: Yes, that’s what GIT is.
HR: Okay both of you can go and don’t use this type of terms in the future it doesn’t make good working culture.

Boss: I need you to start on this new project, how long will it take?

Me: well, hard to say with no specs whatsoever...

Boss: just your best guess

Me: 4 to 6 month I guess?

Boss: so 3 months it is. When can you start?

Me: no specs, sir...and I said 4 to 6

Boss: the specs are almost ready, I know you can simplify it

Me: ...

Boss: just start with the basic infrastructure already

(4 months later)

Boss: here you are the specs, they might change a little in behaviour and design, but all the main stuff is here

(Hands me a A3 with a total of 21 pictures in InDesign)

Me: o....Kay. what happens when I click here?

Boss: oh, we should still talk about the app workflow, I'll get you updated

(2 weeks and 16 total rewrites of the "specs" later)

Boss: you told me it was a 2 months job, why aren't you finished yet? We must deploy in 3 weeks!

Me: ...

README.md file on some random GitHub repository

"A Python program written in Python which does xyz task"

Ok you don't say

Right!

My LastPass master password..

Developers be like:

What the end user sees...

Pro tip: code in binary so it takes less time to compile