Yet another confused recruiter:

Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.

Day 2 of my 1000 job applications TikTok challenge

Goal:
- apply to 9 different jobs per day
- see if i can break the Guinness World Record of being rejected 1 thousand (1000) times

Stats so far:
- 18 job applications
- 3 replies
- 3 rejections
- 0 hires

For Programmers

Everything in application is aligned to right

🤡 Can you alight text in that form to the left
Me: Why? All forms have text aligned to the right.
🤡: It looks better
*Add !important*

A couple weeks later, a new BUG is assigned to me by the 🤡
"This form has text aligned to the left, while all other forms have text aligned to to right"

User: There’s a bug in the app

Dev: How do I reproduce it?

User: I don’t want it reproduced, I want it fixed!

Dev: …

My imperative dumb ass me trying to code in ocaml:
👁👄👁

*CTO in panic, as always, invites everyone to the war room*

CTO: We have a MAJOR problem where 0.0001% of our customers are not receiving SMS confirmations.

Me: Cool. But, 0.0001% is very less compared to the other problems we are solving.

CTO: You don't understand, this is critical issue that needs to be addressed immediately.

Me: But even those.0.0001% customers are receiving e-mail confirmations, so this is not even blocker as we have other channels working.

CTO: I am emotional at this point. You need to prioritise this now.

Me: Okay, do we know the root cause of this problem?

Engineering head: we have blacklisted those numbers in past as our system detected them abusing our platform.

Me: Cool. Let's whitelist them, nothing much to worry here.

CTO: Floyd, you need to understand that 0.0001% of the customers are not receiving the SMS and the solution you are proposing is incorrect.

Me: Okay, what do you suggest?

CTO: We stop sending the SMS to all the customers.

Everyone on the call: 😨

Manager: Please make that text in plane white.

FullStackClown: Oooo, that's a tough one. What's plane white?

Manager: Are you serious? You literally don't know what the color white is?

FullStackClown: Well sure I know what white is, but I'm not sure what plane white is, there are dozens of airliners, and I'm sure they all have slightly different shades of what they are using for their light color in branding...

Manager: ...

FullStackClown: ...

“True Engineers” be like man I hate css
Their css:

FUCK!!!!

Got tickets to jbcnconf. Got all the flights in order. Got a place to stay.

And apparently someone decided to have a strike in the airlines on the day my connecting flight was supposed to happen. And ofc the flight got cancelled. And ofc there are no alternatives.

So now the whole ~1k€ conference deal will go down the gutter. FUCK!! I soooo wanted to visit Barcelona and attend that conf!!

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. I hate you, Ryanair

Current PM in the morning: "Startup flexibility! I'm at the beach chilling in the sun! I trust you can do standup without me! #tech-detox #positive-energy"

Current PM in the afternoon: "ARE ALL THE FUCKING TASKS FUCKING DONE YET? THERE ARE ONLY 9 DAYS LEFT IN THE FUCKING SPRINT! WHY HAS NOTHING BEEN DEPLOYED YET?"

This is why I hate wireless earbuds: You don't have a wire available for strangling coworkers.

Got a mail from a recruiter.... offering me a role in a company......where I'm currently working....in the said role.

sob

after scam

Ever encountered merge conflicts because of spaces and indentations :-|

This tree was the loneliest tree on Earth. The next tree was 400 kilometres away.

In 1973, it was knocked down by a truck driver.

Literally had to quit the app to get rid of the pop up. My first rant is about this app…

Found this potential solution to your boss problems on reddit:

Recruiter: Your skills are amazing! There's hight demand! massive shortage! the market is hot!

Me: great

Recruiter: But your rate is too high.

Me: ....

Totally overwhelmed ATM.

In my first dev role I commented out the code for sending acknowledgement emails when a user placed their order, and didn't realize when I committed it. It got pushed to production and we found it a week or so later.

Was probably a factor in me getting sacked from there.

At the beginning of my IT career I was so desperate to get into this field that I even read a PHP 4.3 intro book and applied for a php dev role

yes, I was THAT desperate. Good thing I wasn't hired.

Storytime!

Manager: Hey fullstackchris, the maps widget on our app stopped working recently...

Dev: (Skeptical, little did he know) Sigh... probably didn't raise quota or something stupid... Logs on to google cloud console to check it out...

Google Dashboard: Your bill.... $5,197 (!!!!!!) Payment method declined (you think?!)

Dev: 😱 WTF!?!?!! (Calls managers) Uh, we have HUGE problem, charges for $5000+ in our google account, did you guys remove the quota limits or not see any limit reached warnings!?

Managers: Uh, we didn't even know that an API could cost money, besides, we never check that email account!

Dev: 🤦‍♂️ yeah obviously you get charged, especially when there have literally been millions of requests. Anyway, the bigger question is where or how our key got leaked. Somewhat started hammering one of the google APIs with one of our keys (Proceeds to hunt for usages of said API key in the codebase)

Dev: (sweating 😰) did I expose an API key somewhere? Man, I hope it's not my fault...

Terminal: grep results in, CMS codebase!

Dev: ah, what do we have here, app.config, seems fine.... wait, why did they expose it to a PUBLIC endpoint?!

Long story short:

The previous consulting goons put our Angular CMS JSON config on a publicly accessible endpoint.

WITH A GOOGLE MAPS API KEY.

JUST CHILLING IN PLAINTEXT.

Though I'm relieved it wasn't my fault, my faith in humanity is still somewhat diminished. 🤷‍♂️

Oh, and it's only Monday. 😎

Cheers!

Confluence WYSIWYG editor for tables on wiki pages. Forget about git and GitHub idiosyncrasies, "at the end of the day" project documentation in Confluence and Jira is the real challenge.

Network things

I hate the growing trend in IT to be "diversity" or "embrace diversity." It's Orwellian because embracing diversity is a form of uniformity. None of these companies want diverse ideas; they want you to believe in a specific ideology.

I wrote a full article on this the other week:

https://battlepenguin.com/politics/...

brew install node

keeps going for more than 5 minutes, installing idk dependencies or doing idk wtf

fuck javascript and its ecosystem

My app hit 30 users and aw man, every one we had to fight for. Feelsgoodtho

Ah yes. Fuck you