So everyone is showing their setup, I thought why not share mine.

Not me, but a colleague of mine ordered 10,000 pens with <company>.com printed on them - but our company had a .org address.

Strongly typed SMS

Keep your rubber friend away from high temperature :(

//not mine

I lost a friend today😭.

He wanted to checkout my MacBook Pro, because he was thinking about buying one.

So I pulled mine out of my backpack, and turned it on.. Then windows 10 popped up!

I looked at him in shock like I just got caught watching porn. I tried to explain to him “it’s not what you think! I had to install it to use Microsoft Project!

He just looked at me in disgust, shaking his head, and walked away....

Not mine, but pretty funny ^^

I would do this, if I had a job

Overheard from the room next to mine:
Person 1: My computer is frozen ..
Person 2 (Not a native English speaker): Did you try to shut down and shut up ?

At least they were real though...

Not mine. But so true.
Every tutorial need to start with a Hello World code.

Let's quickly talk about idiots.

> A simpleton coworker of mine installed Ubuntu on his brand new ThinkPad with a touch screen.
> Asks me to show him the Linux games site I mentioned earlier.
> I see that he has no browser installed.
No Firefox, Chromium, Epiphany, etc.
> Now I know that he has a room temperature IQ and something moronic is going to happen.
Truth be said, I subliminally desired a terminal based browser.
> Then he fucking opens Wine and I shit you NOT! That thundercunt opens...
> Internet Explorer!
> I punched his screen.
> No longer a touch-screen laptop.

Lost my iPhone last night😭 - looked all over but no luck - last chance the gas station - called and the owner said he found a phone with devRant sticker on the back. I still was not sure as lots of devRant members in NY but yes it turned out to be mine. Nice!
And the best news is the gas station owner told his dev son about devRant! So my temporary loss may change his sons life. Sometimes things are just meant to be. 😀

This is not mine, but I found it funny so wanted to share !

Well guess what, I was coding with a friend of mine in a café .The waiter took our orders ..glanced at our screens( We were using Linux terminals ..fucking npm I swear) and then a few minutes later the manager comes up and says - ”Sorry ,but I am gonna have to ask you guys to leave " ..We were like wtf man ? Well apparently the staff felt that we were hacking using their WiFi .. God fucking dammit..typing on terminals is not Hacking .

Not mine but an error message in a game when you're trying to logout:

"You're currently not logged in. Please log in to log out."

Logically valid though

Lol
[the image is not mine]

*chuckle*
(not mine)

"Do not indent HTML files."

- From a Junior High classmate of mine who claims he is a computer wizard[this was many years ago]

Not mine, but worth sharing 😁

Not mine :(
But found it relatable 😂

My ISP advertises themselves as IT-nerds. I once contacted the support, not tech support, just the usual support. I wanted to use my own router instead of theirs, and the supporter actually knew how I should configure my vlan and a lot of other technical stuff.

Why aren’t all ISP’s like mine?

Not mine but LEL

Not mine, but gold.

Don't look at my laptop and tell me to close all my tabs. They are mine mine not yours!!!!

Not mine, I just found funny

That merge commit is not mine

I'm building a website for a new company and the boss doesn't understand technology at all. says he doesn't want me using any html because it is old and I have to use python because it's a 'hot language.' I try to explain that html is for websites and he replies 'not mine.'

Ex-coworker of mine fixed this bug a week after the site was launched and has gathered several thousand users in database.

Yep its exactly what you think it is, each time one user would update its infos, it would update his infos to all the users in the database.

Luckily I was not in charge of the project in that time, so it was really fun to watch how everyone's name was changing every couple of minutes for a whole week :D

So I have officially achieved one of my childhood dreams and built my own PC, took me a while to save up enough to to afford it and yes it's not the best but it's mine and I love it :)

One of my favorite quotes:

"A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine"

Had to apply this liberally at my last job. Even had it posted at my desk for a time.

Just for a smile. Scroll on... :-)

DM'ed a girl on reddit who posted a humorous comment on a post that interests me.

Got to know she's in the same profession as mine.

Few messages later...

Me: How much do you like working as a data scientist in your company ?
(asked her because it is kind of my dream company)

She: You can't really put a number to it. It has many aspects.

Me: How about a vector ?

Waiting for a reply since 3 days.

Do you guys get the joke or was it just me? She claimed to be a data scientist, it's not my fault 😣

Why do most C++ developers stop after one child?

Because multiple inheritance is a headache.

Words to live by as a developer:

“A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine”

But somehow people(you guys knows who they are) doesn’t seem to get that!

A while back a co-worker of mine fucked up by leaving some debug code and pushing to production.
He quickly repaired it, redeployed and everything was good again before the customer experienced any issues.

Later that day, management showed up by his desk to ask what happened, how it happened and stating that he was not "angry enough" about his fuck up, long after it has been repaired.

Up to this day i regret not asking in what unit of measurement we could determine if we were angry enough; decibels? gray hairs? grams of shit in my underwear?

Someday I will answer this question to my kids...

After 5 years of neglect I have finaly found some time to work on an old project of mine.

Not a bad view to work from either

My favorite IT story (not mine) is that the server needed to be rebooted whenever it froze completely. The best solution? Get an old PC that had a CD drive, and every time it loses connection to the server, eject the CD tray which had a poking stick attached that hits the reset button.

a friend of mine, phd, who lives in Not america, got offered 200k$/year as a software engineer to work in america. he refused because he hates america.

My government is FUCKING STUPIDLY JOKING. I can't confirm this but what i heard from friend of mine who works on that place. The server is turned off after work hours. And yes Holiday included. What the fuck? Are they even know the basics?

And yet today is not even a holiday. And i got this "Server Hangup" unhelpful Message.

This site is supposed to be the place to handle Online Taxation. And the deadline to report my company's earning is just tommorow, yet we can't do anything if the website IS NOT FUCKING ON!!!! I DON'T WANT TO PAY FINE CHARGES BECAUSE LATE REPORT SUBMISSION!!!! THIS IS GOVERNMENT FAULT NOT MINE!

Why Microsoft skipped windows 9 ?
"because some old programs may mistake it for windows 95 or 98"
(not mine)

!rant

So I was digging through some old projects of mine and I came across this lil pokedex project I had started but not finished sometime last year. The frontend is great but sadly the backend was non-existent because I didnt have that knowledge yet.

But now that I do, I'm thinking of building the backend and just keeping the frontend i have with some tweaks here and there. Anyways, I'm pretty proud of this project.

Request: I don't like the way the page looks. Make it better.

Question: can you give me some more info? What is it that you dislike about the page? You approved the design, the mockup, the HTML version...and we just finished implementing the backend. Can you be more specific?

Response: make it more like this *gives link to completly new layout from a theme on themeforest*. Why does mine not look like this. Make it like this!

Reaction: *fuck this shit, never freelancing again...* Well, then do it yourself. I'm done!

// best feeling ever :)

not mine, but haven't seen here yet.

The original idea is not mine, but I can't tell you how much fun I've had with this

So, this dumb roommate of mine (graduated in CS) comes one day and says..
"Ruby on Rails was developed for the railways!"
And he was serious not joking. Fking serious!

I almost burst my brain nerve laughing that day!! 😂

P.s. I'm changing roommates this session.

What was the biggest lies you heard about programming or programmers life.

Mine was: “programming is easy and high paying job.”
No it is not.

Since I've been seeing a lot of Linux distros, here's mine
Not a daily driver but something to get me used to it

Really fucking sick of people taking my coffee mugs on the drying rack and taking them back to their desk. It's not yours. It doesn't have our company logo or your company logo. It's obviously not yours so don't fucking touch it.

This is the second coffee mug of mine to go missing in 16 months. You work at a tech company buy your own fucking mug or open your mouth wide and catch your hot bean water you fuck.

I fucking hate being the "ask me anything" guy in the office, how am I supposed to code if people interrupt me every 5 minutes?

OH LOOK AT MY HEADPHONES! MAYBE I'M CONCENTRATED AND HAVE SHIT TO DO! I mean there are other 10 devs, why don't you go to them? or maybe try to GOOGLE IT, I HEARD STACK OVERFLOW IS GOOD YOU PIECE OF SHIT!

don't get me wrong, I like to help people but I hate when those bastards come asking questions that could be easily answered if they read the code for 5 fucking minutes.

when I have to look at code that is not mine I try to understand it by myself, even if it's not documented, and I try not to bother anyone unless is really necessary.

But then this sluggish leeches think I know the whole codebase and that can interrupt me whenever they can.

Today six friends of mine were fired, they didn't know about it, while they were working HR called them and fired them, CEO talked to me explaining reasons of their decision, trying to convince me. I don't care about reasons, its not about reasons, its about behaviors, people are not resources.

A meeting, non-technical PM to me:
"Could you borrow me your laptop? I haven't taken mine and want to make some notes."
"Yeah sure" I said, launched some text editor and turned the laptop to her side. During this motion other colleague had chance to glance at the screen. His eyes opened wide with mix of horror and WTF look:
"What the... That's really not good idea."

Turned out I was in complete autopilot mode and pressed Win key, entered "gvim", accepted by enter.

I've launched Vim.
To a non-technical person.

Something I probably shouldn't talk about:

One of the projects at work has a specific path you can visit. The """security""" is that nobody should know the path. But I can guaran-fucking-tee you it's not difficult to guess.

On this page, ***without a login***, you can view some user information. Well, you can view all of it, but only certain fields.

And if you perform a specific action on this page, you can get their password, plaintext.

This project is not mine. But learning all of this made me super uneasy. I had to share it.

This one guy on my team had like 10 commits to a single file over a day with all kinds of wild changes.

Build is broken most of the day (not mine but whatever).

Finally, at end of day he says it is fixed.

I diff the first and last changes.

Copyright changed...wtf

Why are people already posting christmas presents? Its not even december yet! BTW heres mine:

The worst work culture I've experienced was at a local security company.
There was a reason why over 15 people come and go within 6 months (just 30 people work there):
The boss is a fucking psychopath and should be (mis)treated in a high-security mental health institution.
There has not been one sane day during the 90 days I had to work there.
A friend of mine still has to work there because he can't find anything else in his current situation...

Not mine, but thought it was funny

He's so smol.

*He's not actually mine but my brother's. I am planning to get a smol after college is over.

I finished two projects. Both of them need to connect to each other. However, the tool to do that is not currently licensed to achieve my desired outcome. I email my boss to check the status of the license key I need, that they promised, and the only thing I get back is "Correct." Seriously? 😠 The person who has the company credit card and authority to buy, also the same one that gives me a deadline to turn this shit in, can't give me the time of day to respond to an email? Their response wasn't even relevant. I've been trying to move beyond this roadblock for a week now! I'm a pretty independent guy, but I'm not going to buy the license myself for a tool that I didn't even want to use. So when someone comes to my cube and I'm raging on Steam, ✋ I don't want to hear anything about company time, because mine isn't being respected either. 👊👊

Yesterday a colleague of mine told me that another colleague has done this in his web application for a subject:

For checking user and password, he did not query a database, but instead he checked information in a HIDDEN DIV in the html page.

Reason: "this way I don't lose my precious time".

I think of that and I'd like to punch him. People like him are the reason websites in Italy suck and my University web infrastructure sucks (he worked as intern on that).

My. God.

It's 👏 not 👏 much 👏 but 👏 it's 👏 mine 👏

Not mine. But it's funny

I've seen people posting their own convoluted ways to find out whether or not a number is even, so here's mine. :-P

Short horror story: a coworker of mine renamed a directory in the git repo from ABC to abc. All MacOS users found their repos completely broken after pulling the changes. They didn't know that Apple's crappy HFS+ filesystem was case-insensitive.

I have ~10 coworkers, and each of them wasted at least 1 hour manually fixing this problem. This is like not working for more than a day.

(I'm forced to use a Mac too, but I use an ext3 volume for repositories.)

I was asked to map a mathematical problem to an algorithm for first round of interview. I did it in 5 lines with O(n) and it worked. was told that was not the correct answer sent me an answer with O(n^2) and about 40 lines. in anger, I sent a five page mathematical proof along with analysis why mine was better. surprisingly, they took me in for second round. tanked it because I continually stuttered and froze. I was able to answer it once I got home. decided against sending it.

FUCK THESE FUCKING ARTICLES THAT MAKE YOU CLICK THROUGH 87290 COCK SUCKING PAGES TO READ THE SHIT. ESPECIALLY WHEN ITS ONLY LIKE TWO PARAGRAPHS WORTH OF STUFF!!

AND FUCK YOU EVEN MORE FOR ALLOWING THESE DISGUSTINGLY LARGE ADS TO TAKE UP NEARLY THE ENTIRE DAMN SCREEN SO ITS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO CLICK ONE.

I just wanted to read some shit I didnt know about the Trojan War but now ill neVER FUCKING KNOW BECAUSE IM NOT GONNA CLICK A THOUSAND TIMES THROUGH A MINE FIELD TO FUCKING FIND OUT.

Not mine!
Just wanted to share.

Client: Hey can you get rid of the dark overlay on the image?
Me: It would make the white text unreadable on the images you use so it would not be advised

Day passes

Client: (literally resends the email even though he saw mine) Hey can you get rid of the dark overlay on the image?
Me: (changes it and tell my colleague he's 100% going to ask to change it back) changed it
Client: I made a mistake can you change it back
Me: To colleague, told ya 😂😂😂 🤓🤓

!rant

A colleague of mine is having a date tonight and it is not an update. he was insanly excited. so I hope that will calm him down a little. good luck tonight bro ;)

Meet my new toy, Centos7 as of this afternoon (once I get the usb burned and installation done)

She's not much to look at, but she's mine.

Well, my dev sin is...

Basically every project of mine is not commented, is not unit tested and doesn't have any kind of documentation.

But I try to remove my bad habit!

So...new intern , table paired to mine , get my hopes up that it's hopefully not another stuck up uni kiddo , hopes get ruined . He asked me my name and what I do , when I told him I do product security his reaction was 'oh so you're not a dev ?' . Go.eat.shit.and.choke.with.those.alienware.headphones. he didn't even listen to what I had to say about that , just put on his headphones and ignored me . Prick.

Food and computers.

Sorry for the fat people as well but i think those is legit.

I am sitting next to this friend of mine in class. She is a bit big. Anyhow.

She opens her laptop and i see her screen. Its dirty. But by dirty i mean fucking dirty. Like brow transparent circle like things all over.

I`m like: “shiiiet， whats that on your screen”.

She: “i am not really sure”.

2 days layer in another class we sit together again and she looks at me with a smile.

She: “look my screen is clean. It was dirty because sometimes o sit in bed and eat chicken then type on my keyboard，so when i close my computer the keys touch the screen and voiiiila!”

Me: “..... Wow”

She was quite proud she had elucidated the problem and did not really understand the meaning of my wow.

What would you be willing to sacrifice for 1 tbps internet speeds?

Mine is my left leg. I'll get a prosthetic or wheel chair. Not like I'd be doing much walking with those speeds keeping me distracted lol.

When my headphones are on :
1 - I can't hear you
2 - I don't care
3 - It's your problem not mine
4 - I don't care

Oh my God...
A colleague of mine got an email. The email was badly translated into our language (probably Google translate was used) it said 'please open invoice attached'.
The anti-virus software successfully marked it as a virus, and did not allow my colleague to open attached 'invoice.exe' file.
Now by this point you would think that the person would just delete the email, but no. The colleague looked at me, and with the bitchiest voice said 'I got an invoice and can't open it after your anti-virus installation. Fix it!'
Needless to say, I had to explain, what a virus is and teach all the colleagues not to get hooked on scam mail... Took about 4 hours to explain this seemingly simple concept.
Fuck knows, how they did not nuke their IT infrastructure before I came here :/

Not mine, saw this one somewhere on the internets [prolly in one of commitstrip's comments]

- make an initial estimate [4 hours]
- double the number [8 hours]
- incr units [8 days]

so another java!=javascript rant…

so an inexperienced friend of mine was having a conversation with me, and he was using the words java and javascript synonymously (meaning he thought they were the same thing).

so, i corrected him.
“you know javascript isn’t the same as java though.”

“oh, it’s not? ok then.”
and we went about our day.

three days later he was talking to me again, and we were talking about new web backends, and, as you might have guessed, golang came up.

he then said “i was talking with a noob to programming, and he thought go and golang were the same. i sure told him!”

🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

My tribe..

Your tribe..

Mine is better than yours !

Why ?

Whatever the group, logical thinking, science, all goes out of the window, as each group says their view of the world is 100% correct and not at all wrong.

The other group, says different..

Neither group listen to each other, or learn, or change.

If you disagree within the group, they don't want you any more !

Humans, pah !

Just dumb animals dressed up to think they can think, but just like to throw shit at each other and shout a lot to be leader of the pack.

Frack! I just found out I have to video record a friend's wedding. Why? Apparently because I'm a developer I suddenly know all things electronic and interacting with humans must be something I enjoy. I do not. Darn my wife and her persuasive sexual superpowers.
Me: "But...but...they are your friends, not mine."
Wife: "If you do this, someone else might have a good wedding night"
Me: *sigh* "What time do I need to be there?"

The family doesn't have much money and can't afford a professional videographer, so I understand (been there), but I'm probably going to have to smile, be nice and..ugh...socialize.

As long as I remember, all goes well. Probably not because I'm a good coder or something. But all the time it ends up like this:

Reviewer: Can you make this in two hours?
Me: perhaps...

[Type a lot of sinful dirty code, and I'm glad it's just for review]

Reviewer: Oh, well cool, you're in...
Me: No need to see the source code?
Reviewer: It is going to be your job, not mine....

So, this "always good" code review experience is usually bad omen. Means I'll be the only one who is able to write some working shit....

Friend of mine who is not a Dev and loves to go out sees me few days ago with a couple of Dev friends...

Dude what's going on? Dude dude let me tell you about this chick... 1 hour later story ends. We gave him respect as one Dev should to a non dev and started talking about IDEs and how the new VS Code is pretty awesome.

He interrupts and goes ... that chick Venesa Code, is she hot? Would you?

Silence ... We would, we all would.

Sometimes I wish I had a manager to rant about.
Not having a manager means the whole fault is mine :(

Recent experience (#2)
- a cousin wanted to reinstall Windows on his laptop
- gave it to a tech shop
- they couldn't, said hard disk faulty
- I took the laptop hoping that it's just a partition table issue
- I tried changing partition table from MBR to GPT, but failed
- removed his hard disk from his laptop and plugged into mine
- tried and failed
- so I thought I would give it a chance with Ubuntu
- tried and ... 👍
- reinstalled his hard disk in his laptop
- works like a charm
- want to see what complaints he comes up with
- he is not a tech guy
- let's see how he manages to use it for his daily tasks

Being an apprentice programmer in a Ludum Dare (Create a game in 72h) that knows more than the official programmer, and have an artist in the group who makes THIS PIECES OF ART!

She didn't even had a computer to work with it, neither she asked for one to the event, so eventually she used mine... And I could not do my work.

Did I mentioned that she used PAINT to color the images?

This is a long, looong story, I'll do the complete version soon...

God.

Suddenly there's this tight deadline, everyone's pumping hours in, I am the one that has to discuss with everyone and integrate their work into mine. So I schedule an early morning meeting with a colleague, whose work is crucial in order to continue integrating the others' modules.

30mins into the meeting, he's not there yet. I reach him
"Oh, sorry, I forgot to mention, I'm actually not available today, and until 3 days before the deadline"

Well isn't this great.

Not dev related... but does anyone else ride? Sports bike is mine.

Why is it so hard to just build machines that work without all this ideological bullshit? Code doesn't care if politics==true. The world is scary enough without you assholes making modern life a data minefield for even the most educated experts, and taking advantage of the ignorance of everyone else. Fuck you.
I just wanna <look at web pages> without having to consider, counteract, or silently assist some fucking regime. Why is EVERYTHING this way? Everything is a back door or a data mine or a political statement? This isn't a fucking art piece! It's not your espionage tool, fucking codes in invisible ink and tiny cameras and shit everywhere! It's a <web browser>, and if it does ANYTHING besides <browse the web> that I didn't explicitly tell it to do, you better better not be the one who made it. Because if you did, you are what's wrong with the world.

I'm at a pretty cool company today, learning new stack now. Everyone is helpfull and teaches me a lot.

I remember at my first job, when I just started, my boss sent me a MINIFIED .js file (just one file and nothing else) and said "it doesnt work, please fix this". After OBVIOUSLY not being able to fix it, at that moment, I started to doubt my choice to become a web dev.

I turned out to be pretty okay. But, fucking hell, thinking back, that "ex-boss" of mine could potentially influence my later career decisions and not in a good way.

Not mine

my first blue screen of death 💙 (hopefully is not mine, i found it at the metro station)

My favorite year as a dev + why?

It would have to be this year because ..

- The 'pointy hair' bosses I've ranted about on this forum have been fired or they quit. I almost kinda forgot what it felt like to talk to managers not feel like "Good Lord, how does this guy put on his shoes"
- I took over the position of my nemesis (his choice, not mine) who quit (he quit before he was fired) and deleted+replaced all remnants of his code/life's work. More out of spite than necessity.
- Reaping the benefits of properly logging/reporting errors and developers able to fix those errors, nearly eliminating those 3:00AM 'System is down' phone calls.
- Able to take time to learn new technologies (learning React right now) and not constantly running around putting out fires.
- Son just graduated college at age 21.

I fucking hate malls.

People don't walk in any regular pattern or at the same speed. Full of smelly kids and their dumbstruck parents. I REALLY do not understand how some choose to spend their time at the mall as a recreational activity (other than going with a specific destination in mine, like the cinema). Whenever the circumstances force me to wonder around one for more than ten minutes, for me it's the equivalent of several hours of work, energywise.

Generally I hate people, but malls are the places where I hate them the most. Fuck!

Today the prod was broken.
This version had four new commits. One of them was mine. It also happened to be my first commit at my new company.

We didn't know which one was responsible for the failure. Turns out one of the other changes was not tested by the developer and that was the culprit.

I don't like being thought of a potential culprit. Fucking people don't test their code and others have to waste time trying to prove it's not their fault. If only these fuckers spend less time fucking and instead spend it on ensuring their code works.

Background:

New guy on our team, deadline coming up. I bring him into a meeting room, explain what the project is about, quick run down of the code. Then spent a while explaining what we have to do next, gave him a piece to do, took a piece to do myself.

The fuck up:

A few days / week pass by and I ask to check on his progress. Fucktard decided an hour after the meeting that it would be easier for him to use a different database than what the project was using and decided he wanted to work on some other feature instead.

My stuff was dependent on his stuff, so not only did he not do his work but stopped me from delivering mine.

Let’s just say there was a few stern words in a meeting room shortly after that.

So a friend of mine is starting to learn PHP and HTML and he tells me:
"I wrote some code in HTML but I can't run it through the browser"

I'm not brave enough to tell him you can't "run" HTML

But later, he told me "so now i'm writing PHP just to understand how it works, but don't want to install the program to run PHP"

How the fuck you gonna learn?

I already know I'm gonna have to build what he wants to do :/ at least a couple thousand euros incoming :D

So I was thinking.
Everybody here knows sites that mine some currency with your PC for the dev without you knowing (Yeah sure 100% CPU).
Its not cool and they still show Ads on the fucking site.
But now imagine this the site you love the most (except devRant) give you this option:
They will clearly say that they are mining but only 20% of your CPU and for return you will not see ads on the page.
What do you think ?
Let the discussion begin !

Am I the only one who can't cheat on my design/development stages? For example, if I am doing a favor for someone, I will do it my way even when I'm short on time. I simply can't just "take it from the internet and incorporate it into my project".

I just feel for comfort when it's mine. (no Im not referring to reusing code. Clarification in comments)

So... a lot of people is uploading their setups .s
Here is mine. Its not so well but i get on well with it :3

It has got 8gigs of 2400 mhz ram
A gtx 1050ti
1 tb hdd
I3 7100
Can anyone recommend me a headset bc mine is kinda trash.

So it's done. I signed my new contract with my new company after I left my old job. Better contract level, better pay, better benefits (at my old office they didn't even give me a pc. I had to use mine..)..
But the sad/funny story is that my old boss do not talk to me anymore because he can't understand why I'm leaving..sooo mature!
I really don't care because actually he do not deserve anything from me, he's (and forever will be) an arrogant prig without humility.
The only regret is leaving the co-workers I bound with..but I'm sure we'll be in touch.
Yep.. maybe this is definitely a rant/story!
Wish me good luck for this new adventure!

not mine. but so very true

What's your favorite hex color?
Mine is #c0ffee. Sadly it's not brown.

Old, bad quality and not mine. Still just had to share

Acquaintance of mine brags that he made a "Facebook password cracker" that took less than 30 lines of code.

I take a look at it, then I realize it's brute force password cracking.

Oh dear.

Facebook doesn't even let you do that many password attempts, not to mention that brute forcing passwords is going to take more time than the expected lifetime of the sun. (exaggeration? Maybe. But you get my point.)

Why are we still here? Just to suffer?

Not mine, but it should be your wallpaper :P

I'll be honest, I've never understood why people say that numbers generated by a computer are pseudorandom and not random.
I know a lot of algorithms for number generation, and I implemented mine, based on time of invokation expressed in nanoseconds, taking digits, manipulating and transforming them. Then I analyzed the probability distribution and it's absolutely flat. So, if you know the Touring test, we can use a modified version of it. If I give you a sequence of random numbers generated by a computer and I give you a sequence of random numbers invented by a person, and you can't notice the difference, so the test is passed.
What's wrong on it?

My colleague is getting a divorce soon because Tinder thought it's a good idea not to add the "Delete" message button.

His wife is a good friend of mine. Finally a MILF I know.

Thanks Tinder.

Don’t worry, I’ll comeback...
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When i need to download chrome after fresh install

P.S. not mine, i stole it from the internet using chrome

$ git add .
$ git commit -m "This HAS to be online soon"
$ git push
*merge conflict*
*did not look at difference*
*using mine*
$ git commit -m "resolv merge conflict"
$ git push

$ ssh root@x.x.x.x
# git pull
# cd /path/to/webapp
# npm run production

!rant

My colleague saw this code of mine and said it is annoying conditions are not on the same line, since it is a shared project I can't go "that's my style!"

What do you think should I convince him why we need to follow this approach (at least it can be easily read rather than reading a screen wide line)

Fuck Apple Two-Factor Authentication.

I am a developer with multiple accounts and this two-factor authentication is a fucking joke! I spoke to this idiot on the line who told me that I had to create an administrator on my computer to login to a developer account of mine. I hung up the phone and told her to "Fuck Off"

It's a fucking waste of time. Apple has not had an innovation since Steve Jobs died; each upgrade does nothing new compared with the last one. What's new things are there between 10.14 and 10.8??? Nothing. Except it's a lot fucking slower.

The performance is based on how much code you wrote that day.

Not mine though, i heard/read it from somewhere else.

But that’s fucked up, right?

Something is really fucking wrong with people in my company. They fucking calling me after 5PM on Friday when the server is down. What part of my role you fuckers don't understand. I'm not a Network Engineer and I don't have fucking access to the fucking server.

Call the fucking Network Engineer. If his not picking up his phone then that's his fucking problem not mine.

(Bang the Table) Fuck this shit

Can someone explain the philosophy of the "not for me" downvote?

There are many things that are "not for me" in life, but, presumably, this action executes a global downvote on the post/comment---which is pretty much an expression of "not for anyone".

If this action were to train a recommendation engine---so I get recommendations that like-minded people see---then great. But why should that result in a public downvote?

I don't go up to people in the bar and say "Drinking Guinness? Not for me, mate." As an adult, I understand that my preferences are not universal.

Personally, I can't square the idea of "not for me" with its consequence of a public downvote.

I'm sure this must have been covered before...but all rants, as physiological and emotional activities, are unique. Your rant can never be mine.

my cousin wants to buy a new phone and asked for advice. (with advice I mean saying what he wants and hoping I agree)

*talks about lumia 930.
me: you won't be able to use these apps x,y,z......
him: why not it has better specs than mine. bla bla.... you will see.
week later
him: phone doesn't have Play Store installed. can you do it?

Music is affecting my productivity. Office music not mine 😕

Just got an amazing lecture by text from a university mentor of mine on some of the coolest shit to do with cat in linux, and why you can do things like open a shell with cat /bin/sh (or in my case, use it to stall a program and keep open a shell in a simple buffer overflow task).

God bless all you mentors out there who take the time to explain exactly how all this stuff works. It feels so good to have an idea on the mechanisms on "WHY" something works, not just that it does and that you should use it. As someone new, it makes all the difference.

Designer makes an app Mockup using an iOS template. I make the android version and the ios dev makes his version.

Upon completion, the client rejects mine saying that I forgot to put back buttons in the top left corner of each screen.

My face when he didn't reject the ios version for not having a hardware back button. 🤦‍♂️

Got a second 1080p monitor for Xmas ans it gave me an excuse to clean my desk off ;)

I included the obligatory 'screenfetch' window as well, haha.

Now to see if I can hack together something resembling a KVM switch from parts I have, to use the Mac mini on one of them (when it's needed on rare occasion, lol).

P.s. I'm sure many of you have more bad ass setups, I even used to have quads myself... But I'm not posting this to start some pissing contest! It's just mine and I'm proud of it :P

Happy new year everyone!!!!

Every day when I am going to and from work I listen to a podcast called Developer Tea. I can really recommend it, it talks about everything that is devrelated. Not only about technical stuff but also about how you should be as a person as a developer. I shared mine so now I am curious to hear: what is the best podcast/podcasts you listen to?

programming is not a piece of cake that you come and eat.
friend of mine thinks programming is so simple.
fuck you who think its easy it takes hours of dedication

Worst part of being a developer is having to educate IT Admins on how to do their job without fucking up mine!

Yes, just delete the Intrusion detection system ...why not! lets burn the office down while we're at it! here wanna take a dump in my coffee?

I find it hilarious the total misconception of hacking that the general public has. I tell people I know cyber security (Not as much as a lot of people around here) but it is a hobby of mine and I find it very useful/interesting.

But I can't stop but laugh when someone is like, can you get all the text messages my bf receives?

Can you hack this for me can you back that?

C'mon even if I knew how to do that without being caught you think I would even admit that to you. Do hackers just walk around with an index card pasted to their forehead of their skill? It's not even slightly reasonable to think this lol even for someone who doesn't know about the field

!dev

This has been an eventful week I guess. Not a happy week, however.

A friend of mine passed last Thursday. We weren't too close, but we were still friends, and he was very close to a couple other friends of mine. He'd always had health issues, but he was only 19. He hadn't been out of high school for a full year.

Then I just found out today that another friend of mine got arrested for shooting and killing someone this past weekend. I don't know many details about what happened, mutual friends are saying it was self-defense. He's never seemed like the kind of person that would just murder someone, but shit happens.

I'm working on a system that makes it easier to see if someone stole your credit card information.

</sarcasm>

Not me but a friend of mine worked on xvideos front end and he hated it.

Before internship, js code with semicolons looked stupid to me. Then jshint happened and here I am at 3AM in the morning, adding semicolons to a forgotten but not abandoned design project of mine!

not mine... from 9gag and i think we all need this

!rant

Just had an interview for a position similar to mine in another company.

It was a breath of fresh air that the team lead was open and honest...

It’s not the best position but it’s stable Work that I’m good at, he was up front that it’s not the shiniest thing to work on but that there’s huge opportunity to grow.

His behaviour alone is why I’ll give the position strong consideration.

When you’re interviewing: don’t sweep anything under the rug, be up front about the job and at the least you’ll gain the respect of your candidate.

So, last night I came home from work and "Kung Fu Hustle" was on (cable). I watched it for like ten minutes and then turned it off. Didn't even think about it after.

Just a couple of hours ago I was on YouTube and a clip from that movie came up as a suggested video. On a browser where I'm not logged in. On a computer that's not mine. That is behind a proxy server. That is in a continent far away from me.

Am I crazy or that is actually Google doing that?

So I just found out that another company is launching the same app/website idea as mine...*sigh*
This is not how I was planning on starting my week.

I suppose I need wait and see what they have and improve my app to be better.

Hello devRant, it's good to be back. I hope everyone has a good week.

The power of trucks

*turns on the TV*
*pop-up blows up in my face: "you have a new message"*
Me: ??
*confusingly presses "View"*
Msg: *Do you know why *some random shit show of a movie* is the most viewed? You can rent it in our video store*

YOU MOTHER FUCKING BRAINLESS ASSHOLES!!! I'M PAYING FOR THAT FUCKING SUBSCRIPTION! MY FUCKING MONEY!! MINE! WHICH I CHOSE TO GIVE TO YOU FOR A VERY SPECIFIC SERVICE!! DO NOT PUSH YOUR BRAINDEAD, GREEDY BULLSHIT ON ME!!! IF I'LL WANT TO WATCH A GOOD MOVIE I'LL FIND IT MY SELF! YOU ARE TO FUCKING RETARDED TO TELL WHAT A GOOD MOVIE IS!!!
GOD DAMN ADS PUSHING SHIT HEADED PEASANTS!!

Since everyone is showing off their setups here is mine:
OS: Windows (for gaming only), Kubuntu (Main Distro), Linux Mint (Sidechick Distro :D)
HDD: I have 3 with about 3.5 Terabyte alltogether
8 GB of RAM
AMD FX 6300 processor
ASUS R7 370 4GB STRIX graphics card

Yeah its an alright PC :D The next one I build will be a beast though. For sure.

Oh and I have a HP Laptop with 8GB of RAM and some Intel CPU. Its alright for coding when I am not at home.

I got send to Shanghai with only 2 days of notice, because the Chinese team fuckup a project that's not even mine, and the deadline is coming soon.
Though, I enjoyed the local food

I just sent I put a funny photo of mine as my profile in whatsapp for a few seconds.

Few seconds later, some *innocent* person sends me the following message "hey, that's a funny image of yours lol. Just shared it on facebook"

***Facepalm***

! Not pissed off, just wondering why the heck people feel like sharing everything they fucking see on Facebook

sorry if its a repost, and its not mine. I just think you guys will appreciate it

I lost my remote job of two years due to our startup failing. After applying to various companies, two weeks later I get my first job offer😀(And I'm not even that skilled).
In comparison, a very experienced friend of mine who works in sales and business administration has been looking unsuccessfully for a job for over a year.
It makes me realise how lucky we are😀

So... I had some money left over and added a 3d printer to my terrorist workshop (some of you might remember the picture I posted a while ago. A friend of mine gave it the name after the police stormed a hackerspace in Nuremberg and I wondered when they would kick down my door. )...
That's how far I got in two hours (from cutting open the package), and I don't really fancy myself dexterous... Not anymore at least.
I suppose this will be a weeklong project 😂.

A friend of mine just called me to ask if I can help him hack an Instagram account... In my head (He's quite aware I lost my dad less than a week ago even if I was an hacker I'll expect and respect some little remorse atleast around moments like this, I would not be expected to do dirty shit at these times). (*heavy sigh here*) (*Million cause words here*) (*hung up*)

Hate me but i started mining on server when its not running anything and well i like it.
First of all its paying for electrocity so im not loosing money on it and i get heat as a bonus.
So i mean i get money + heat.
Heater that makes money lol.
Sure im not gonna mine on it when i want to do anything on it bht when i have nothing to do why not ?

Friday afternoon, the week's work is finished, and I'm ahead of schedule.
An email arrives for another project.. "URGENT yaddayadda". The dickheads where it came from have taken weeks to react, and now it's urgent. Yeah, fuck you assholes, ideally with a smoothing iron.
On the upside, I'm not addressed directly, and that project isn't my task. But boss could make it mine in no time, and I think he would.
I don't even open the email, nobody has seen it anyway yet, AND I GO HOME! :-)

Pros and Cons of dating a programmer! (Not mine, not even close)

Some """friend""" of mine asked me help because he has trouble installing WAMP on a Linux distro.

Me: why don't you try to install a LAMP server instead, you are on Linux, you can do whatever you want.

Him: LAMP is not a thing, this doesn't exist, there's no package called like that.

Me: *sends a tutorial to setup a web dev server*

Him: You are so unhelpful, why are you disrespectful like that ?!?

Me: *having some murder thoughts*

Why do I still reply to these people ?

I'm in a dental hospital now, after treatment (not mine) the doctor says “eat Ice-Cream after 10min and take medicine after that.”
I'm like this is the most beautiful words I've heard from a doctor.

I've been struggling with some financial issues lately. I haven't told this to my family bc I am helping my mom with money, hat wouldn't help.

Sadly, I got two general tickets for WebSummit 2019 and I thought "okay, I am nearby Portugal rn, somebody of my circle could go with me and have some fun, I feel so blue..."

No one. Not a single one. Nobody.

"Maybe with those Telegram groups of JS developers..."

No one.

Maybe it sounds like some fraud or something, so they didn't answer. I even mentioned to an old entrepreneur friend of mine, and he didn't even answer me.

Disheartened is the word for today. I don't know, I am not expecting that people can join this adventure just bc is awesome, we all have bills to pay, but at least an answer would be fine.

I know it is not a fun story, and there are people in worse situations than mine. I just wanted to do some catharsis bc I lost my laptop.

I still have bills, two tickets, and a new kind of miserable mood.

Thank you for reading.

A friend of mine (beginner) wrote a Python script that calculated the derivative function of an function the user typed in. He showed it to me and
I said: "You should not use eval()!"
He: "Oh, ok. May you write a parser?"
I: "Wait! It's ok. Just use eval!" 😂

Came to work this morning with a bunch of cards coloured red, marked "urgent"...

And it's Monday... the day after Sunday...

The blues day...

Blue's my favourite colour, but this blue (and reds) I do not like...

Ok snoozy mind of mine... wake up!!

Does anyone else have that project that they work on in there spare time? Well mine was a Pokemon MMO because I'm not a games developer and found it a really nice challenge/break from normal work. It's almost ready to be played but it's sad that it'll never be released. I mean I could recreate all of the sprites and game mechanics but that wasn't what I originally set out to do.

There was a team meeting where something controversial was being discussed. A team mate was sharing their screen showing the controversial prototype. Meanwhile, me and another team mate started texting parallely on Teams. After a while, people were just listening to each other arguing and doing their own thing. And the guy who was arguing at that moment was being very sarcastic and passive aggressive and it was hilarious. I texted my teammate some inside joke about the the team mate. I heard the Teams notification go off and it was not mine. Oh yeah, I texted the teammate whose screen was being shared 🙇

Started about 4 years ago after losing my job in social work. Realized I liked computers more than talking to people. Picked up a beginning Java text book, and worked through it in a month. I moved over to web development to help a buddy of mine and kill time while unemployed.

Since then, I've run a small web dev business and am currently director of technology for a company with an international presence. I still code on the side an recently launched a new mobile app with a buddy of mine from grade school.

I do not miss social work even a little bit.

A peeve of mine is when someone in the software industry denigrates a technology/tool/framework outside of his role eg webdevs on sysadmin stuff or viceversa.

I'm not trying to shame anyone for having subjective experiences, I just think that if you're gonna talk about tools that are not on your domain, then you need to be twice as humble as usual.

I'm a webdev and I don't post around how I KNOW how to make ssh secure, while other people devote their entire careers to that and all related matters.

What prompted me is seeing some not webdevs do this here that seem to be sysadmins/devops (can't tell for sure since I don't know them), but in real life, I've seen people from any role do this, webdevs too, even testers!

Imagine you had cancer, and you had a tumor extraction, and the oncologist said to the surgeon "step aside son, let me show you how to deal with cancer".

Not mine, but a colleague puts a script in production which has to sent an email every time a config changes, but in reality sent an email every time the file was accessed. The system sent a good amount of email in a couple of minutes, the remote SMTP bounced them but the connections on port 25 was dropped by the server, the production firewall hits the maximum number of allowed connections... a lot of shit!

I guess the time has come finally. 🤔

I'm now thinking of how to trace a Facebook user's current location. At first I thought of touching Facebook.

But then I thought that I can just write a webpage which will trace the visitor IP. And send the url to the user.

Oh it's not for me. One of my friends who is also a partner and a client of mine is being harassed by his former business partner. He has sued him but the guy is in hiding but still posting bad news on his Facebook profile.

So my friend came to me for help. :3

The time you take to code something is the time people take to quit vim. P.S. the meme below is not mine.

Remember about this project of mine? Maybe not because I deleted the rant, but after a long pause I re-started working on it. In -just- 1 hour I wrote this code that picks a random number, goes from 0 to 5 and, if found, it prints the match.
This is my most (useless && senseless) project by far.

What's the most difficult english word to spell in your opinion?

Mine is "length". Keep forgetting if it's "th" or "ht" (but if you start to think about it is obvious).
And I bet not only mine since iit's written "lenght" in the production database at the company where I work ...

There isn't a pale enough skin tone to match mine inside the builder. I mean... THERE IS NOT A PALE ENOUGH SKIN TONE INSIDE THE BUILDER TO MATCH MINE! :-(

And the rant ends here.

OR DOES IT? THERE IS NOT... You get the idea.

Not really a rant but just curious who listens to podcasts and which channel is your favorite?
Mine are Software Engineering Radio and InfoQ

Site live for over 8 months, client contacts me saying a web form is not working. Check through code missing $ on a variable. Shit, it must never have worked. Checked through error logs and sure enough its been bust since it went live. I changed the variable to pull in their email address rather than mine when i pushed it live and missed off the $. Trying to think of a plausible and client friendly excuse.

Earphones on.

Notifications off.

A boss who is the most inefficient boss ever. No, yours is not, mine is, trust me.

In the middle of coding, never in the zone for obvious reasons. A workmate wants me to call him to discuss stuff as he is working from home, which I wish I were.
I keep coding and decide to call him later.

My boss interrupts me again to TELL ME IF I CAN CALL MY WORKMATE.
Whyyyyyy
FML.

Someone copied some code of mine and posted it on YT as a tutorial video without crediting me. I'm honored that someone is using my code, but not mentioning me? Come on!

A close friend of mine and i talked a while back and it went a little like this.

friend - "You like programming right"?
me - "Yeah"
friend - "I got a great idea"

She never really told me what the whole idea is. She said its easier to explain face to face but i can guess it's dev related.

But here's the issue. I have a tendence to just suddenly loose all motivation for a project (look at my github) and i'm afraid that i'll loose motivation for the thing she wants to do with me and i'll disappoint her.

Do i help her with her idea or not?

Keep in mind that i'm not a actual dev. Its just kinda my hobby. I can do it for free. Thats not the problem.

So it's not just through reading your own code later that you can realize how stupid you are. All the great card house of the belief in your own superiority collapsing instantly.
Currently intense time with my son. Can be hard being around one another 24h non-stop... And then realizing that a lot of the stubbornness and quirks of his that drive me crazy: is actually me! (Be it that it's in my character as well or he was reacting to a stupidness of mine)

Sometimes when I read old code of mine I'm ashamed. But more often when I read others I just feel better.

(I'm talking about other webdev freelancers, not OS projects or so...)

Went to work pretty excited this morning, and found out that my neural network that has been training all weekend was still dumb as fuck...

No need to fear artificial intelligence (at least not mine)

Every now and then the front end guys try to slip in some backend code. When I notice it weeks/months later I start questioning my ability only to realise it was their shit hacks and not mine

You guys upvoted a lot my previous rant and this makes me partially sorry, because it means you either witnessed or lived a situation like mine!

So to all the devs out there dealing with an awful work condition, an awful manager, awful teammates or awful wathever: stay strong and remember: you are not married to your company nor you are forced to stay there! Search for a better place, because you deserve it! (And also because happy devs make better code, if you don't believe on yourself and want one more excuse!)

Fuck I can't even. Remember all those rants (mine included) about how users are quite retarded and only report "omg smth wrong, help" without any explanaition or screen shot, or even worse WITH A WORTHLESS CROPPED OUT SCREENSHOT?!

USERS I GET, BUT FUCKING SENIOR DESKTOP SUPPORT GUY DOING SAME RETARDED IT DOES NOT WORK CAN U HELP THING IS MADDENNNNIINNGG

LEARN TO FUCKING READ THE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS IN THE FUCKING ERROR DESCRIPTION, YES?

*Ahhh* 😄

Question here - what do you guys think of Kotlin?
Do you also think it'll be sufficient to learn Kotlin and not java to programm for Android?

I just began the transition, it's fun playing around with it, but a friend of mine wants to learn Kotlin to learn Android programming (and not java, he only has java basics).

What's your opinion on all this?

I'm thinking of buying a new laptop. But I'm sad about leaving all of these stickers (yeah I know they're pretty random)

also, should I get a macbook or not? I really like the OS but I hate it's pricetag. But i heard Apple supports their products for more than 5 years and this laptop of mine is just 3 and a half years old and it's slowing down already even on 16gb memory. IntelliJ used to run smoothly on this.

Can u guys suggest a developer friendly laptop? im not really into gaming so I wouldn't need gaming one 👨‍💻

I was walking in the cineplex after watching a movie today and saw an advertisement for "a digital loyalty card platform for retail outlets. Get loyalty cards on your phone!" being used by a big brand in my country.

The thing is, although not a terribly original idea, I first thought of developing a system/platform like this all the way back in 2012. I coded it, I advertised, I lobbied HARD; I poured my damn soul into this thing. Nobody accepted it. I scrapped it because I thought it was just not a good idea, only to see what is essentially a clone of it being shown off and lauded as a brand new innovative solution.

I won't lie, seeing that ad so prominently and proudly displayed really crushed me. I honestly don't know what makes their rendition better than mine, since mine did pretty much the same thing theirs does and my design chops are pretty much on par with theirs. I was rejected and I don't know why and that stings more than the countless other times my other ideas were shot down because of market mismatch, logistical flaws or just shortsightedness on the part of potential customers.

This isn't an invitation to a pity party, and I can't say there is a moral to this little anecdote, but I feel moved to share this experience with you guys.

Pick from it and learn what you will, I hope this falls under the eyes of the right person out there.

Boss thinks the CMS that another dev built over the course of a good year, will make customers say "ooooh yeah, I will definately come to you and pay a shitload of money for a buggy and unfinished system, even tho I will never be able to leave with a working copy of my website like I could with wordpress".

The whole effing things is based on an old, outdated version of a popular PHP framework.

Oh yeah, and I can not update <the framework> because the dev has tinkered with the core files :)
Yay.

The whole fucking thing won't run on PHP7 and will explode right into my boss's face.

Not mine though, because I will be gone by then :)

One day a developer's phone accidentally fell into his toilet. The poor developer looked at the toilet but couldn't find it as it was too late.

Finally he burst into tears. Hearing his sobs, an Angel appeared before him. 

The Angel dived into the toilet and came up carrying a golden phone. The developer did not accept it. He said, "This is not mine. My phone is not golden."

To which the Angel replied, "It's not golden, it's covered in shit!"

Not mine

Mine was not CS but software engineering. I had been programming for 5 years, and I think anything before my degree was just so bad. No patterns or anything. It was really good in the way that I learned how to do things well, not exactly learning about the technologies. I also have an internship that I must do for at least 3 months before getting the degree which also helps.

Tight deadline, codebase not mine, I wrote an hack that read a dom element in the page in js extract some data, append it to the query string and then refresh the page to get the desired result. All the rest of the logic is in PHP. I still feel guilty.