Had a final year project defence today in university. There were about 15 CS teachers in the room.
Our project was "Crypto Currency". After all the presentation was finish.

Teachers: so what is this blockchain?

** explained all about it and how it works with marker in a whiteboard **

While most of the projects were rejected and they have asked several cross questions to other friends, they didnt even ask any question to us and said our project is accepted.

Turns out teachers were taught by a student today, feels so good 😎 😂

Best DHCP server ever.

I have one stackoverflow account for asking stupid questions and another one for answering stupid questions.

How's your day going?

I ran "source .bash_history" instead of "source .bash_profile"

Where I work, in our database, we use 3 to indicate true and 7 to indicate false and 0 is true but null is false

In another table, we use 'P' to indicate true and 'I' to indicate false and 'Y' is also false and null is false

And the most used table, we also use 'Y' to indicate yes and 'N' to indicate no, but null is also Yes.

We also store integers as varchar in a live table, but stays an integer in all the other tables. I hope I'm not there when the number of digits exceeds the varchar limit.

These are all live and used in production all created by my boss, the head of IT.

So apparently this is an official company in the UK

I was sleeping next to my wife and suddenly I raised my hand and shouted "gaaaa", when she asked what is wrong, I replied
"Kubernetes is misbehaving"
without waking up

Coworker: "You know that new Anime?"
Me: " No,which one ?"
Coworker: "Dev Note"

Got my head detached today...

Good thing a simple git checkout solved it

In 2014,. I sold 0.17 btc for $87. I bought pizza with that money. It was delicious. I regret nothing.

Quick shout out to windows for thinking .css files should be opened with Skype.

LOL...

Ported a Java class to Kotlin. 200 lines of code removed and much cleaner structure.

FeelsGoodMan

Overheard this today.

Client: I've tried running it but the batch file isn't working.

Tech: You're a batch file.

Me: Dad, can I borrow your car?
Dad: What's the magic word?
Me: sudo??

Dad is also a dev/architect. Mom barely knows how facebook works. So essentially she thinks I'm either playing games or working hard. Dad knows I'm just playing games.

An actual "incorrect answer" in my exam paper.

It would seem that my most witty comments don't get as many ++ as the simple comments do.

Disappointing.

*How do devRanters take a bath*

same as everyone!

you got your soap...
shampoo...
rubber ducky with cape...

If drinking coffee doesn't wake you up in the morning, try deleting a table in the production database.

Verified, it worked.

We're having an ongoing credential stuffing attack right now. Hackers hit us hard over the weekend and the web team sent out an email congratulating themselves that they stopped the threat.

I decided to look to see how they "fixed" the issue.

They modified their code to stop logging the errors to prevent Splunk from sending the automated emails to management (how we have been able to spot/monitor the attack).

They literally just put their heads in the sand, stapled a sign to their ass that reads "Meteor? We see no meteor approaching. Everything is fine."

My ISP advertises themselves as IT-nerds. I once contacted the support, not tech support, just the usual support. I wanted to use my own router instead of theirs, and the supporter actually knew how I should configure my vlan and a lot of other technical stuff.

Why aren’t all ISP’s like mine?

Guess who compiled a program with 0 errors and 0 warnings at first try!! 😀😀😀
Spoiler: not me

Agency: " Sir, we found 3 candidates as per your requirements, now how do you want their placements sir?"

M.D: "Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room & close the door, leave them alone & come back after a few hours and analyse the situation:-

1) If they are counting the bricks, Put them in Accounts deptt.

2) If they are re-counting the bricks, Put them in Auditing.

3) If they have messed up the whole room with the bricks, Put them in Engineering.

4) If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, Put them in Planning.

5) If they are throwing the bricks at each other, Put them in Operations.

6) If they are sleeping, Put them in Security.

7) If they have broken the bricks into pieces, Put them in Information Technology.

8) If they are sitting idle, Put them in Human Resources.

9) If they say they have tried different combinations yet not a single brick has been moved, Put them in Sales.

10) If they have already left for the day, Put them in Marketing.

11) If they are staring out of the window, Put them in Strategic Planning.

And.......

12) If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been touched, Congratulate them and put them in Top Management.

😂🤣😃😁😅😜

Mock explained

My clients be like

I want to pay respects to my favourite teacher by far.

I turned up at university as a pretty arrogant person. This was because I had about 6 years of self-taught programming experience, and the classes started from the ansolute basics. I turned up to my first classes and everything was extremely easy. I felt like I wouldn't learn anything for at least a year.

Then, I met one of my lecturers for the first time. He was about 50~60 years old and had been programming for all of his career. He was known by everyone to be really strict and we were told by other lecturers that it could be difficult for some people to be his student.

His classes were awesome. He was friendly, but took absolutely no shit, and told everything as it was. He had great stories from his life, which he used to throw out during the more boring computer science topics. He had extremely strict rules for our programming style, and bloody good reasons for all of them. If we didn't follow a clear rule on an assignment, he'd give us 0%. To prove how well this worked, nobody got 0%.

We eventually learned that he was that way because he used to work on real-time systems for the military, where if something didn't work then people could die.

This was exactly what I needed. In around one semester I went from a capable self-taught kid, to writing code that was clear, maintainable and fast, without being hacky.

I learned so much in just that small time, and I owe it all to him. So often when I write code now I think back to his rules. Even if I disagree with some, I learned to be strict and consistent.

Sadly, during the break between our first and second year, he passed away due to illness. There was so many lessons still to be learned from him, and there's now no teachers with enough knowledge to continue his best modules like compiler writing.

He is greatly missed, I've never had greater respect for a teacher than for him.

Computer programming is now a language according to Texas apparently

When I added that bug fix to my code a few weeks ago only myself and God knew what I changed - now only git knows...

My friend had the bright idea of making a version of bubble sort that plays a quacking sound effect on every swap. I added in different variations of the same sound effect for various conditions.

We named it "Quacksort," and one of the professors asked us to present it to the intro class.

My career has reached its peak.