┓┏┓┏┓┃
┛┗┛┗┛┃＼○／
┓┏┓┏┓┃ / Friday
┛┗┛┗┛┃ノ)
┓┏┓┏┓┃ Deploys
┛┗┛┗┛┃
┓┏┓┏┓┃
┛┗┛┗┛┃
┓┏┓┏┓┃
┃┃┃┃┃┃
┻┻┻┻┻┻

True history... (I find in twitter)

⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ (\__/)
   ⠀　 (•ㅅ•) my mentor defending
　＿ノ ヽ ノ＼ ＿ my code to the team
/　`/ ⌒Ｙ⌒ Ｙ　ヽ
( 　(三ヽ人　 /　　 |
|　ﾉ⌒＼ ￣￣ヽ　 ノ   
ヽ＿＿＿＞､＿＿_／
　 ｜( 王 ﾉ〈 (\__/)
　 /ﾐ`ー―彡 \ (•ㅅ•) me

"Make the feature more useful."

Please write a user story. It's hard to determine what you want.

"As Sales Agent I would like the <feature> to be extended so it's more useful to me."

(ノಥ,_｣ಥ)ノ彡┻━┻

> in da zone, headphones beating, caffeine rushing through my veins, snack-stack at 75%, code and commands flowing like campaign promises, I'm one with the keyboard... I can feel it ~(◉_◉)~

roomie: Hey J! J!
me: ಠ_ಠ I'm kinda busy, what do you want?
roomie: Dude don't forget to pick up bla bla bla
me: Okay
> Headphones back on, feeling the h4ckx0r fire resurge through my gut like a majestic phoenix (not to be confused with taco tuesday gut fire)
roomie: J...J! dude also make sure bla bla bla
me: ಠ╭╮ಠ I know, you don't need to be so specific with me.
> Headphones on...about to hit play again...
roomie: Dude do you happen to know bla bla bla

(ಥ﹏ಥ)
(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

FUCK! just tell me everything at once so I can go back to ignoring you and the irrelevant world around me!

I hate when people do this.

Me: Hi Guys, theres no docs on our custom push notification / deeplinking implementation. I've tried to work backwards from a QA testing doc to add new links. Can someone tell me if this is all ok? It seems to behave a little weird.

Dev: Looks ok, but we've moved to the braze platform for sending notifications. You'll need to trigger braze notifications now. Test that it works ok with that <confluence-link>

*hour later*

Me: I've tried the debugging tool, both with my payload and one of the samples from the link. It displays on the phone, but tapping it doesn't trigger the deeplinking.

Dev: No it works, try one of these <screenshot of samples I used>

*hour later*

Me: Tried it again on the real device to make sure, as well as on develop and master. Not working with those samples or mine.

Dev: No it does. It comes in here in this library <github link to line of code>

Me: ... Nope, debugged it, it doesn't get passed the next 'if' check on the next line as its missing a key/value. The whole function does nothing.

Dev: Oh do you want to send a braze notification?

Me: ..... you told me I had too .... yes I guess.

Dev: ok for a braze notification it works different, send this <entirely different sample no where on the link>

Me: ...... but ..... this is only for braze notifications ..... why .... all the samples have deeplink url's .... but they don't ....... are you ..... FFS!!!!! !@#?!

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

┌П┐(ಠ_ಠ)

That moment when your password is constantly rejected and you realize that the fucking NUM LOCK IS OFF.
(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
(⌐■_■)–︻╦╤─ 💻

Xamarin forms can be such a bitch sometimes
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ .
I mean it's challenging
┬─┬ノ( º _ ºノ).

!rant

after using devRant for about 4 days... i absolutely love it!

bye reddit, on mobile.

ヾ(@^▽^@)ノ

What is that? Ada uses three spaces for indentation?
(ノꐦಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Hiring remote
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.
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US only

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Beginning of the project:
git commit -m "Added index.html, implemented user-creation"

Towards the end of the project:
git commit -m "Idunno, did some stuff or so (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻"

I've been guessing all regex's in my past projects... If I'd be in a regex written exam, I'd be a goner.
ヽ（・＿・；)ノ

Fuck this code, and fuck you too. I'm going to bed. ☠️

ノಠ益ಠノ彡┻━┻

Why the Fuck I keep forgetting human names and keep replacing it with variable .........???
Apparently Jessica is var1
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
┴┬┴┤( ͡° ͜ʖ├┬┴┬
( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°)
:＜￣｀ヽ、　　　　　　　／￣＞
　ゝ、　　＼　／⌒ヽ,ノ 　/´
　　　ゝ、　`（ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ／
　　 　　>　 　 　,ノ
　　　　　∠_,,,/´”

Xamarin forms can be such a bitch sometimes (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ .
I mean it's challenging
┬─┬ノ( º _ ºノ).

Riding along on a demo is the worst thing ever.

-Customer clicks buttons and things happen-

Customer: "Hey that's cool!"

Customer is now happy and excited.

Sales: "Hey would you like it to also.... "

- A LOT OF SHIT THAT THE THING DOESN'T DO / COMPLICATES / OVERLAPS SOME THINGS ELSEWHERE-

ヽ(ಠ_ಠ)ノ

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

So a non-tech colleague just walked in and asked if it was possible to find and replace "level 1" for a star in 200 .docx files. Considering the fact docx is xml I thought it shouldn't be too hard to do this. I received her email... Including the FF-ing star as a png image! Here i thought she meant a *. Ah.. Hell no!
ʕノ•ᴥ•ʔノ ︵ ┻━┻

daily.
me: i looked into the customer dev's project and even though it's C#, i can use it as a source of inspiration for my own C++ library.
PM: okay, maybe we can even still use it, so that you use a C# dll with your C++ code.
me: ...
other colleague: that's a bad idea. it can already be a challenge to use unmanaged c++ in dotnet, but the other way round it's even more difficult. C# and C++ are languages that behave quite differently and it will be hard to implement a correctly working interface.
PM: okay. well... then please analyze this project's complexity in terms of LOC and create a class diagram, so we get an idea of how complex it is.
me: sure.
PM: hmm... maybe we should split this topic. since dev x will also rely on your library, analyze this project together with him, each of you look at another part of the classes.
me: that's.... i think that's a bad idea. implementing this functionality in this library is my job, not of dev X. he won't be involved in implementing any of the funcionalities and for him, it shouldn't matter how this works.
PM: yeah, but since we are prototyping, maybe we should just violate the "separation of concerns" rule.
me (internally): (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

in the end i could convince him to do it my way, but for fuck's sake... when was the last time he actually succesfully implemented something? 🤦‍♀️

The revenge:

ノ┬─┬ノ ︵ ( \o°o)\

!rage

*PM 6 months earlier: "Do whatever u want with this lib, your softw. will use it."
*PM today: renames main public function names in my lib - used by about 10 processes of mine.

*Me: (╯°□°)╯︵┻━┻

How to fucking unscrew this little shit.

I was able to unscrew the rest just fine. But just when I'm down to the last remaining screw, this lone fucker decides to put on a fecken feight.

I already tried everything. I used a screwdriver that fits perfectly. Rotated it for god knows how long. Attached a strong magnet to amplify the screwdriver's magnetic fuckery. Tried unscrewing upside down to add gravitational force. Tried chopsticking the fuck outta it. Slapped the back of it like I slap rice sacks in supermarkets. Ran physics simulations on a supercomputer. Still won't come off.

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

It's just there, looking like it's about to come off with a dip of a magnetic screwdriver but IDK WHY IT WON'T COME OFFKZKKXJZJKZ!!1

You wanna put on a fight? Fine. Resist while you still can. Because once you come off, oh ho... I'm gonna do bad things to you fucker. Imma screw you in your hole till your head spins like crazy. (To screw it back ofc.)

Email is horrible.

CSS in email is fucked.

People never check their spam filter / who the fuck knows when the spam filter might decide legit shit is spam.

Every other god damn day some new shit comes up.

Today some sort of either antivirus or email filter or spam / malware detecting shit seems to be crawling every fucking link in an email our customer's send to their customer's.

Activating every option such as declining shit or accepting it... well actually ALL THOSE OPTIONS.

End user can't tell of course so I (and others) have to find this out.

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Great, I'm in the zone.
Typing like there's no tommorow.
The logic is flawless, design patterns and exception throwing everywhere
It's going to be gre.... DUN.

OH GOD A BSOD.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.
Breath slowly... Just restart the machine...
PLEASE WAIT WHILE WINDOWS INSTALLS THE UPDATES

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Guess who forced unwrapped Nullable value after making sure it was null... Yup that was me

(ಥ,_｣ಥ)

(ノಥ,_｣ಥ)ノ彡┻━┻

Fucking microshaft! I bought a custom controller from their shop as a birthday gift to my brother. Fucking first thing the website crashes with 500 with my main account so I call support. Said them its a backend issue and they should let the devs investigate. Support says they can't even contact them in anyway shape or form. Fucking great!
So since my account seems to has broken their backend I create another account using some random email while support tells me to fucking log in and out again (yeah man I tried that). OK wonderful new account worked I can buy the controller.

Now one year later the controller just fucking stops working (probably why its called Xbox one! controller). Wonderful I paid 90€ for that shit thing and now it won't connect anymore. Tried everything and searched countless forums, nothing helped. Fuckers say: JuSt ConNeCT iT tO YoUr XbOx oNe and it might magically work (TM). You fuck I bought it for PC why the fuck can I not just fix it using a PC. Do you want me to buy a fucking Xbox for 500 bucks just to get the fucking controller to work!? You shitfaced monkey!

OK then lets try that support again because that worked so well last time. I put in the serial number and... Fucking unrecognized number. Unrecognized number my ass. Go suck on a spiked club you buffoon!

Now I'm fucked because I don't have the fucking receipt anymore and the email was send to that fucking temp account I don't even know the email address for anymore (ノ°益°)ノ

The feeling when you are so damn close to solving a problem, yet so far...

┻┻ ノ( º - ºノ)

The marketing department must be run by wild butthurt fucking monkeys... Bloody idiots do you even know the word " controll"?! It's a simple fucking thing instead of wasting fucking 2,5hrs of my time which could been put on.. oh I donno more productive work?!?

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Fuck sake.. 2 numbers... 2 numbers on almost every fucking article was wrong and you couldn't even check these in the fucking program BEFORE asking me to fix the images for these and upload? No I had to upload everything only to later noticed that you cunts gave the wrong numbers .... Butthurt wienerschnitzel 🖕

Today it is the day of:

"Ok just a few more changes and this thing is good to go. Let me just look at this for a bit to make sure the changes work and...."

And now I'm looking at some APIs spitting out garbage and somehow everything is working and I'm questioning if I know anything at all now :O

Me today: Damn it's gonna take forever to find where this issue is, but at least then I'll know.

-me narrows it down to 5 lines-

Tonight me staring at lines: Oh fuck... there's nothing actually 'wrong' here...

Forget it, i'm going to bed.

*cloning and building this other team's Android project*
"install API 21, current is 23" K
"needs gradle wrapper 2.2, you have 2.10" umm, OK
"this project is using gradle 1.2.3, current is 2.1.1". (ノ-_-)ノ~┻━┻

This is how you become dead to me:

Person: OMG X,Y,Z are happening!?!?! Notify everyone, freak out everybody!!!!!!!!

Me: Uh... have you seen that happen?

Person: No but another person said they did.

Me: ヽ(ಠ_ಠ)ノ

That moment when you have to exchange data with another system using XML-Files serval hundred MBs in size instead of a proper REST API (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Spot a mistake in the code.. Should i:

1. live with it and continue to build on top of it.. Do a special validation just for this special case.. Which is a quick solution

2. or rebuild that component.. But have to rewrite the 4 controllers that is using that component.. Which is a long solution

The daily dilemma of taking over someone elses project.. 。・゜・(ノД`)・゜・。

Internet is so fucking slow todaaaaay

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

I’m shopping around for a new laptop and would like some recommendations.

Looking at Lenovo ThinkPad or Dell Latitude, Intel i5 2nd gen 2GHz - 3GHz, 200GB - 500GB ssd

Budget is a concern, I’m not trying to spend over $400.

ヾ(＠⌒ー⌒＠)ノ

Trying to do an LFS build on a computer that keeps restarting. Need to mount the partitions and export variables all over again (ノ=Д=)ノ┻━┻

Fack..! ಠ_ಠノ
This year feels like 2020 divided by 5