while(!sleeping) {
sheep++;
}

–Can you recommend me a GDPR expert?
–Yes!
–Can I have their email address?
–No!

"Work for me", client said, "I won't pay you but you will get some reputations for working with us" he added.

"Sorry, my body can't digest reputation", I replied.

My co-worker quit by saying he was going back to school.
The dude just went to sit at home.
He figured that its much better than constant "abuse" at the office. 😂

New devRant feature! Filtering by post type! This took a bit longer to get out than we had planned, but now that extra click to label a post type will be put to good use! Hate memes but love rants? Want to only see questions? Don't want to see random off-topic posts? Filter away!

We're pushing to Android now, iOS shortly, and web will be coming soon.

Who is running custom rigs?

The news:
"Oh no, big tech companies are taking advantage of our information and tracking everything we do. We're too dependent! "

Us:
"Wow this sounds important. *Googles it *"

"Everyone needs to know, *shares on Facebook*"

Wait.....

so i just got fired 🔥 🔥 🔥 because i wanted a 200 fucking dollars raise after 1 year of work and sacrifices and feeling like shit.
200$ because i live in the 3rd fucking world, working with a stupid motherfucking boss (you know the fat old tone deaf cunt), he's american, and he brings projects from the US from clients paying thousands of dollars, and he pays us 300$, and by the fucking way he used to pay us 100$ (we are 3 developers, a dick who does nothing but report our behavior, and a shit who does shit. we are a development company and we are the only developers and we got fired because he thought we didn't deserve the raise and that he sees no reason in giving us more money because we're already wasting the company's money and time).
So now the only people left there are the dick, the shit and the fatass boss who's in the states rn.
the funny thing is after we left by an hour or so we got calls from many other companies that we refused to work with because of our loyal-fucking-ty.
the motherfucker thinks we're conspiring against him, that we don't trust him, well of fucking course we don't, he lies about having a company in the US, well it's there but it's suspended (we looked it up), he says he's a microsoft, intel, adobe, dell, lenovo partner, and he's not.
well fuck i'm kind of happy that i left, i'm sitting with my friends in a cafe right now thinking about finishing our personal projects.
forgot something: the projects we were working on are unfinished, and there's not a single fucker to finish them, so he's ball deep in shit. hope this rant is relatable

"I was wondering why Monitors sleep and Keyboards don't.

Then it occurred to me that Keyboards have two SHIFTS. 😆😆" -some guy

Who needs css when you have <table>?

Cool. 300$ in Google Cloud credits. Maybe I can get to one of those cool projects I’ve been wanting to get to.
spins up server
installs npm
installs mongo
installs express
installs vue
installs material design components
makes title bar and navigation

*okay, good enough for now, i’ll come back later*

*never gets around to it, and 300$ in free credits get exhausted by server running 24/7*

Yesterday my friend was telling me that he was hacking some federal server in my country, and his girlfriend interrupted him and he couldn't complete the hacking

Such a lier 😏
We don't have girlfriends

I wish installing updates in Windows 10 was as easy as:

sudo apt-get update
sudo apt-get upgrade

Any chance we can do a polling system?

@dfox

I studied anthropology and ive been in this community for almost 2 years. Have discovered the coding landscape at pretty much the same time and i must say its an interesting bunch of people.

I came on here to learn about the geek way and how to become a better dev. Seeing the rants has been really helpful!

But i think the polling system could lead to interesting understanding. Of the community both for your own app (for marketing bullshit purposes) but also for us.

Id love to know what kind of music people listen to but in a summarized way rather than a unending list of comments which will be harder to extract the information from!

I find this a bit disturbing.

Programming languages shouldn’t be rated, that’s what I feel.

Thoughts ?

I’m working for fucking idiots. Here is an actual conversation I had with my boss today.

Me: I checked the numbers, and barely anyone is using our app more than once. Not only is a minuscule amount of people downloading it (we have 300 downloads), but none of those people use it more than once. Use retention is important and we’re failing in that regard.

Boss: User retention doesn’t matter. Investors don’t care about that. Blah blah blah all we need is marketing blah blah. We just need a bunch of people to download once. That’s all that marketers care about....in fact, an potential investor himself told me that he doesn’t care (obvious lie)

Me: Well, can I talk to this investor? What’s his name? Is he in California or India/China?

Boss: oh you can’t be at the investor meeting. It’s high level. Just don’t worry about it. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.

On the bright side, this whole exchange has motivated me even more in my quest to find a new job. And I guess it’s important to learn what not to do from idiots

Tfw the domain name you want is taken, but hasn't been used in almost a year.

!rant

Microsoft is finally doing something right with Windows.

Coming soon: tabs in Explorer, tabs in Notepad, tabs in Command Prompt, TABS EVERYWHERE

Finally! I can switch from English to modern hieroglyphics.

Builds a site around a CMS, so non devs can update content

Gets asked to make simple changes that can be made using said CMS

🤦‍♂️

I remember that time, when a pretty big customer bought a tiny server from us and proceeded with setting up their tiny website.

Everything went smooth a smoothsauce until that day they decided to send a newsletter to 3 million subscribers - a complete nice email with alot of html and elements that was hosted on that tiny server.
The fact that most phones do download the emails with the attachment (pictures, html and shit) when the email arrive did they not know about. But sure - they atleast learnt something that day.

That shitty server died.

Trying to understand someone else’s undocumented fucked code is as frustrating as taking a shit and the water slashing up at you.

brother in law spills Sprite allover his laptop and it dies, guess who he calls.

Dude: Come on man, Google and/or Facebook are not actively listening to us, I mean, we're not terrorists.
Me: Ok, Google
Google Asistant: How can I help you?
Dude: ._.

"For our app we are using Docker, so for the new server we will need a barebone Linux install"
"Oh please no, Linux is not for a stable server and is very hard to manage, let's install Windows Server 2002 and you can virtualize everything you want"
"Wait, we really can use our cpu cycles to something better..."
"Sorry, too late, already installing!"

Our sysadmin is a Microsoft integralist, we should RUN!

!dev !rant
Happy holi everyone

Every computer programmer. :)

Just saw this today, error 500 Youtube , Highly trained monkeys?🐵 🛠 😂 🤣

You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a scrum master.

A young guy I work with burst into tears today, I had no idea what happened so I tried to comfort him and ask what was up.

It appears his main client had gone nuts with him because they wanted him to make an internet toolbar (think Ask.com) and he politely informed them toolbars doesn't really exist anymore and it wouldn't work on things like modern browsers or mobile devices.

Being given a polite but honest opinion was obviously something the client wasn't used to and knowing the guy was a young and fairly inexperienced, they started throwing very personal insults and asking him exactly what he knows about things (a lot more than them).

So being the big, bold, handsome senior developer I am, I immediately phoned the client back and told them to either come speak to me face-to-face and apologise to him in person or we'd terminate there contract with immediate effect. They're coming down tomorrow...

So part my rant, part a rant on behalf of a young developer who did nothing wrong and was treated like shit, I think we've all been there.

We'll see how this goes! Who the hell wants a toolbar anyway?!