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SUPERVISOR: You wrote this 140 lines method, it's too long. You should split it up, it's not readable
IHateForALiving: Bruh be serious, this is a single switch-case; I can't split it.
SUPERVISOR: Fine, I'll do it.
HIS CODE: He split the 140 lines method into 2 methods: the first is 4 lines long; it's a try-catch surrounding a call to the other method, 136 lines long.
9 -
I find smart watches so rude.
You are talking to someone and the bloody watch goes dinggg..
So the person you are talking to, stops listening, checks their smart watch, and performs whatever action they want before getting back to the conversation.
I fucking hate it. Not only you are rude to me, but also broke the chain of thought and rhythm of the conversation.
Fuck you and fuck your smart watch.
The other day I saw the office boy and the janitor wearing a smart watch. Mind you, the salaries of these folks is not more than $250 a month. Yet they have a top quality smart phone and a smart watch, where the combo usually costs more than their monthly salary.
It's important to consume and show off, than to make the bloody ends meet.
A monkey world.24 -
I'm in internship, why the fuck am I the one explaining them how to use git, Android studio????? Why am I the project manager?????? I'm supposed to learn from you not the opposite. Fuck this monkey.15
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Ok guys time for a big question.
About 1yr ago I had a burnout. Since then I've been avoiding online communities, social medias, the phone itself and if I hadn't to graduate I'd have avoided my pc as well.
So, recently I reopened "the web" and I feel like Fry from futurama.
What the fuck are NFTs? Images for sell? Blockchain related stuff? Why is everyone talking about them? And why is everyone talking about web 3.0? And why none says anything good about it? Is this related with NFTs?
If I google this shit out I get only ELI5s, so I'd appreciate if anyone could Explain Like I'm A Software Engineer.
Thanks for your patience49 -
CTO: Research, problem analysis, customer need validations, and data based prioritisation is stupid.
Me: So, then why should we solve this problem?
CTO: Because my team invests a lot of time in here (read "because we build a shitty system in past without thinking and we are doing it again").
Me: I don't see this as a good idea.
CTO: I become emotional when I request product to align and they don't. We must solve this problem and not what customers want.
Me: I am not participating here.
CTO: And I want you to work on weekends to support my team.
Me: *disconnects*3 -
Best
- got sick of computers, lost all my passion for this field
Worst:
- got sick of computers, lost all my passion for this field
I hope I'm just tired.3 -
Another project with legacy code got just dusted off at work. Shits fucked beyond recognition! We got:
- Rando variable names that mean nothing
- Timers running with a cycle time of 2.5ms if you start them with the multiplier 1.
- An Interrupt routine thats 300 lines long.
- Another interrupt thats starting an ADC conversion and waiting for it to complete before returning.
- For loops that start with one and subtract one from the iterator in the loop
- Every value that would normally be expressed as a regular number is written down in Hex. Eg: if(val==0x05)
- State machine built without writing down which state is which. Its just a number. (In hex obviously!)
- All running on a Microcontroller you cant debug on.
- Using a compiler no one has ever heard of before.
- Weird ass Port manipulations
- 15 different .hex and .elf files with no clue whats in them.
- No version control
- We tried explaining the code to a monkey and it hanged itself.11 -
Look, I'm not even mad that your dataset is the spaghettiest of all spaghetti, but why do you have ten different jupyter notebook files lying around?
I mean, I'm not implying that a monkey has more brain in his armpit than you have in your entire body, but like, you call this a dataset while all over seen so far is half-processed garbage. You could've just dipped your pc in sewage and the results would still be cleaner than this.
Luckily, your paper is half decent so what the hell, let's see if I can fish anything useful out of this. But I swear to god if I come across another static path in this... And here we go! Another static path! Ladies and gentlemen, I propose we get this guy's phd back until he learns to fucking do a decent code.
(It's actually a massively complicated project, so it kinda makes sense to be this big of a mess. But still!)10 -
2 leetcode hard questions in 60 mins. That's what I faced in few company interviews. Trust me, if that's the expectation you're having from candidate, you're looking for a leetcode monkey but not a software engineer!
To the interviewers who have such unrealistic expectations, please change your mindset. It's literally impossible to come up with optimal solutions to 2 leetcode hards in 60 mins if I haven't solved those problems before! It just becomes a memorization game not a problem solving round!!!
:)2 -
My boss has zero emotions and empathy. How ironic for someone into product management!
He is 100% logical, maybe more. He is smart that way and yes, that is a skill to learn from him. He has good product management hard skills.
But, he is an emotional void. Zero humane feelings. He treats everyone like a machine. He is overly obsessed with documentation and wants every single word to be his way.
My writing and communication skills are his pet peeve.
Last Monday, our CTO was in office and he wanted to meet me. I was working remotely, so leads notified me. Even though our CTO runs a monkey business, I was eager and excited to meet him.
This week, my boss will be in office. He texted me to catch-up on coming Monday. I am anxious and worried even though my boss has great skills in our work function.
Furthermore, I find my boss overly critical about everything I do. Maybe it's not me and he does it with everyone, because I haven't been part of a group connect, so no idea. But dude.. give me a break.. give me some room to breathe..
What I heard from another junior, who joined us last month, is that one of the folks who resigned in past was because of my boss.
Feel like that I will move on from my dream organisation as soon as I complete little more than one year.
And apart from that, I scratched my eye glasses, Reddit permanently banned my account for no fault of mine, wanted to catch-up with a cousin, who is going through a rough phase, to cheer up the lad, but he won't answer our calls.
What a shitty weekend.
And yes, my boss is a hipster in the way he dresses and thinks.
He literally keeps saying that we need to use dark patterns like click baits, incite FoMo in our app users, add feedback loops, etc.3 -
I haven't felt joy programming for a while now.
My work is just tasks that can be done by a monkey if they understand how the framework works and at home I can't come up with any ideas that are exciting, challenging or useful.
I feel like all my creativeness is leaking dry having to deal with deadlines about implementing this text change with critical^3 priority and other boring shit9 -
University, first Java practical lesson.
I'm sitting near this guy, clearly hyped up because he managed to install his first linux distro earlier.
After 5 minutes he asks me how to do the task the Professor assigned that morning.
I'm playing dumbass in my head, thinking stuff like "oh big boy installed ubuntu but can't declare a fucking Rectangle class in java lol" (what a dickhead).
I helped him, and then proposed to go out for a quick smoke.
Turns out we're very similar, hyped as hell with linux (like I was at the time), with same CS interests. Still texting sometimes. -
Every work experience so far.
The first one... Internship abroad, very messy codebase, almost no code review.
At the end I was so tired I started watching movies during worktime. -
I just saw a news article (nope, not sharing it...don't want them to get the clicks) where they said it's now considered passive-aggressive to use the following emojis (the percentage is a non-specific n-value and N-value...probably 3...of how many younger folks think it makes you look "old" to use these):
1 - Thumbs up - 24%
2 - Red love heart - 22%
3 - OK hand - 20%
4 - Tick - 17%
5 - Poo - 17%
6 - Loudly crying face - 16%
7 - Monkey eye cover - 15%
8 - Clapping hands - 10%
9 - Lipstick kiss mark - 10%
10 - Grimacing face - 9%
I previously only ever used thumbs-up and checkmarks to signal that I understood the message sent to me. My new goal is to use as many of these as possible when messaging anyone under 30. If you are so butthurt by ANY emoji, then you certainly deserve what's coming to you.18 -
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”2
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None. As soon as I hear about a new trend I fear it. I fear the huge amount of Medium articles I would encounter...
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I made my passion my job, programming servers & web dev. Although it has been productive economically it has sucked the fun out of programming servers for me...so as a way to rediscover my passion I'm giving game dev a try. After a couple of weekends playing with a game engine this is what I've got, a monkey dev with a suit that jumps from project cabinet to project cabinet avoiding hazards, drinking coffee and trying to make some money (someone told me I should express myself and I took that personally).
I'm pretty much done but the hazard placeholders (a box and an arrow) don't convince me so I wanted to see if my fellow disenfranchised developers had some ideas of what my developer should be avoiding/being hit by, preferably something I could draw easily since as you can see I'm not much of an artist although I've also though of just words falling like "deadline" or something.
Anyway any feedback is welcome, take it ez I've never drawn anything more than a stickman and this is my first attempt at something playable. Small Rant plus question. Happy Monday.
15 -
I've been away a couple of months.
I finished uni. I got a job at a startup. My mental health improved. Current boss is nice, during december I was going towards another burnout due to huge task assignments. When I expressed this concern, he understood and reduced the sprint task number.
I hope I'll stay here as much as possible.
I've been living with my gf for over a year now. Pretty exciting, although intimacy is kinda fucked. We haven't had sex for over a while now.
I'll start hit the gym soon. I need some kind of workout or sport.
I hate my city at this point. Too big, public transport suck and going out for anything that's not a pub requires at least 30 minutes by car in the traffic. Parking is plain hell. Cabs are out of the question, too expensive. Yet I need to go out. Can't stay this much inside the house or around the neighborhood.
Since I'm working remotely I'm thinking to travel with my laptop. I need a better one and more money, but I'm starting to work on an external project. Still have to discuss my hourly rate but it won't be much given my limited experience.
I want to start studying again. Not for university or anything, just to keep myself in training, but I feel like I don't have time. Probably it's because I'm an unorganized person. Will figure this out.
So this was my answer to an unasked "how are you?".
Did I miss anything? How are y'all? -
If you asked me two months ago I'd have said building and using a Barnes Hut tree with CUDA.
Today my answer is working on a fuzzer with LLVM without knowing shit about either C++ and compilers. -
I ranted about it already.
```c++
if (vec.size() > 0) { // or whatever
cout << vec.size();
// ....
}
```
Its output was zero. And before you ask, it was a single thread program.
Aince it was for my thesis and I was in a hurry I didn't care too much for it.
Yet I think that it was a bug in clang. I removed that piece of code, compiled, rewritten it a bit differently and worked as expected. Never looked back.9 -
Tech management and leadership are the most toxic and cancerous folks of any organisation.
In all my past experience, I have encountered nut jobs.
If it were just me, then entire product or design org won't be suffering. What helps me confirm this hypothesis is every engineer who work for such retards is suffering and fighting for their existence.
We have monkey business going on with our CTO and his ass licking engineering head. -
Reasons to NOT be a dev sounds rather negative so I'd like to propose 3 things that you need to BE a dev as to frame it in a positive light:
- When a problem peaks your interest you want to solve it, you may even be obsessed by it.
- You enjoy learning, not necessarily enjoy school, just enjoy learning new things (even better if it's by your own means)
- Failure may get you down, but you learn and don't give up until you have exhausted all paths to success.
You may need other skills like math, logic and reasoning abilities, being able to handle deadlines, attention to detail, and cope with stress. I've seen people being crap at all of those and if they have the former 3 they, in time, will hone the others enough to make them a productive dev.
No need to be a 9-9-6 code monkey willing to be squeezed by Big Corp for massive profits and a low salary or a 1337 purist coder that only focuses on the crafting side of developing software. That may make you a great coder but not a well rounded developer or individual. Remember, you program machines but you are NOT one.
10 -
is the job of being a "software engineer" (code monkey) supposed to be many parts of wannabe archeologist figuring out what the fuck is going on, happened, and reading the codebase , so you can figure out how to implement your jira ticket?3
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I need an opinion.
I want to learn something new. I consider myself a non-stupid person, and I am quite embarassed by the fact that the only tool I know well is Js+friends.
My options are:
- Java because money
- C/C++ because smartass
- Rust because yes
- some new shiny obscure shit like nim/zig/hare because lol
Currebtly I need money tbh. Java would seem a reasonable option, yet I'm scared by its huge ecosystem and I'm afraid that it would seriously take too long (like MANY years) to be confident enough to get a job.
Also, despite the common memes and crap, I fucking like Java.32 -
It probably will be an unanswered question, but let's try.
Does anyone know of a large project using onion / hexagonal/ ddd or similar architecture with free access to the source code...
Or an example of said architectures that goes beyond "trivial dumb example".
The new recruits need... A lot of brushing up (I'd be for electro shock treatment and other stuff, but somehow HR thinks I'm joking).
As said, most examples I found are too basic. On the other hand, if I write now a good example, I'd need to do it in either my free time (nope, just nope) or jiggle it in somewhere in company time (aka it will be never finished nor be in a useful state).
Programming language preferred would be Java, but as I'm fluent in most languages except the forbidden ones (JavaScript and it's friends) ...
Anything would be helpful.
Most welcome would be an example with a focus on Adapter / Ports, e.g. abstraction of HTTP client usage / ORM etc.
Thanks.12 -
!rant
Just completed Monkey Island 1 and 2 again, 30+ years after I last played them.
1. What an awesome blast from the past
2. I am getting old.......
3. Can't wait for Monkey Island 3 (the real third)
4 -
So on top of having way too many hats at work and starting my master’s studies in a few weeks, I just had an idea for a game that’s too good to not start working on. I am drowning myself in shit to do. Again.
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Things I want to accomplish in 2023:
- learn rust
- learn a functional programming language (elixir probably)
- finish the O'Reilly book about microservices
- learn and contribute to gnunet
- read at least other 2 books about SE
Regarding the last point, I've always underestimated SE books.16 -
How many years experience as a dev do you need to feel like the cool hacker guy in the movies instead of a blind monkey trying to play the violin for the first time?9
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I'm currently interviewing, but I'm so exhausted that I am seriously considering to quit without having a new job. When I look at that legacy mess and try to make sense of it, my monkey brain just says "no".2
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Isn’t it delightful when you come in to a large project to discover that they have a large underlying core that no one wants to touch but everyone relies on.
Quickly perusing the code you realize that the base was clearly created by someone who found their first tutorials for Java, but were previously a c developer.
It’s funny cause this code is of course from ~20 years ago and in different sections you can tell they were a C developer, a business admin, a Db admin, a junior conforming to pressures from others.
I recently looked at the deep rooted abuses of Java beans, and this entire internally created state management engine that serves no purpose but to create contrived complexity.
The use of propriety tools, that they paid lots for that perform incredibly simple tasks that have long since been solved by the open source community. Many of which are long defunct.
And the constant focus is on monkey patching the engine to solve small issues, which bloat the time to deal with issues. Since everything needs to be tested by their methodologies.
The inability to understand that the underlying structure is the issue and that tackling that, rather than just shifting the entire solution to new languages will suddenly solve the problems(or other underlying systems).
It’s just sad.1 -
implementing ticket from epic somebody else did breakdown on
someone from other team mentions that we should be getting approval from their team and preferably avoid doing stuff in this legacy repo
im just a code monkey, i didn't make the decision (or know the nuances around it), nor did i want to be in that old legacy repo
pain
i didnt know, i dont know what i dont know,
how do i do better next time...3 -
When I had a burnout failing to complete a uni task.
I was trying to implement a parallel version of the Barnes-Hut algorithm for the N-body problem. Spent way too many hours on that. -
Monkey Island 3 (the true 3rd in the series) will be released in 3 hours.
Old schoolers like me are unusually excited.
https://mixnmojo.com/countdown/5 -
getting mogged by people with less experience and/or spending less effort
it's almost a talent for me to be this bad at being a code monkey -
How do grown up people deal with a coworker who never listens, proposes slow and complicated solutions and takes literally one hour of fight to change his mind?
Please note, he's a nice person, so I won't say or do anything that might offend him.10 -
tech lead: answers a question of mine, thats arguably stupid
later after VP comes in to make some decision on how they want it
tech lead: sry wrong instructions, pls see new instructions
code monkey life is rough1 -
My curse.
Have a job. Job doesn't pay much. Another mediocre project opportunity appears. I take it. Later, a great project opportunity appears. I take that as well.
Rant "Crap, I don't have free time" around.
No thit Sherlock.4 -
In your opinion how much would it take to learn Java with /Spring(Boot)?/ enough to get paid for it?
I already know Java's basics and at uni did some frameworkless server side development.6 -
macOS - just nothing makes sense.
You try to go away from the deprecated stuff, use the new shinier API to stop and start services with launchctl (bootstrap/bootout vs. load/unload). And how does this stellar OS thank you for that? By crashing your service. Thanks for nothing.
From developer perspective this whole OS is just such a nightmarish clusterfuck. If you want to set up code signing with some special entitlements and you try to use the provisioning profiles as advertised, it's like pulling the one-armed bandit. It will plunder your coins and sanity. You try to compile it, it fails or the executable will be killed - you enable and disable the automatic codesigning in Xcode, or delete and download you old code signing cert and suddenly it works. It's just random - and you have to perform random walks on the Xcode project settings to make it run. So Apple turned us into Xcode clicking monkeys... -
archeological work is painful and difficult
people in industry don't seem to emphasize/warn how much archeological work there is in being a code monkey
or are there jobs that don't involve it? i imagine the skill remains essential
greenfield work to be the exception not the norm, and start up life is hell and a gamble
interview process seems to completely disregard this, as i imagine it'd be difficult to assess, unlike leetcoding linked lists or code golfing stuff without using data structures, or whatever awful things they ask for in leetcode hards or whatever3 -
SO, after finishing uni I joined a startup.
"We'll cover devops stuff! Aws certifications for everyone! And later k8s!"
So I'm here, learning VueJS.
(Tbf, the situation is better than it seems, like being here, boss is a honest person. Still, fuck.)4 -
My boss, Business people call dev code monkey bec they act as money is shown, like monkey likes banana! Dances Which is kinda wired like what they think we are (felt like shit)3
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when you gotta generate some product ideas and work for the first time at a new company when you've spent your career as a heads down code monkey
bruh i dont know any of the stats or data, or the product yet -
As long as there are people working on their stuff with whom I can take a cig break, barely anywhere, even outside (assuming my battery lasts enough)
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I'd have been motivated to work this whole time if they'd just left their filthy hands off what is important to me. As it was originally worked during the whole time period. Kind of says something really. And their idea of a smart way to proceed was to make everything dirtier and grosser everywhere and more miserable looking, how nice. Course even if I hadn't had a happy fall recently on my knee, I'd still be more tired than I used to be for certain.
Speaking of which.
A few times that didnt happen because someone interceded.
I mean :P
honestly truly that didn't happen in the first place.
it was however your job to transport prisoners at one point. so they just tried to reverse things it seems to the benefit of some kiddy raping monkey.
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