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Search - "idiot boss"
Root ain't givin' no fucks no mo'
My boss just demanded that I join a conference call. So, I call in, and there's three other people there.
He starts chewing me out for talking with some vendor directly (their VP emailed me directly and asked for a few things, and i was instructed to make him happy). Apparently I used "confusing wording" and "did not talk his language." Bossman was really getting into gear for a ten-minute berating.
It turns out that the guy in question only read half of my first email, and totally ignored the second email where I told him everything was finished and live and working. I told my boss quite bluntly that the guy should have read what I had written, and that he was an idiot. The boss's defense of the guy? "Well, he's a sales guy." I just laughed at him.
Later, bossman started in on me (once again) for not making enough progress on this ridiculous shared-spreadsheet sales tool he wants, saying "We discussed this a week ago!"
I casually reminded him that we had talked about it for the first time ever on Friday night (today is Tuesday), and he had said it wasn't going to be a priority for the next three weeks(!). Again he stopped in his tracks. Again, I laughed at him.
Guy's a tool and I'm so done with caring.
Root's going to be flippant and angry. Root's going to have fun (:
What's he gonna do, fire me? 😂31
Boss - gives tasks to me. Timeline: 10 days.
Me - work hard and finish the solution in 3 days.
Boss- wtf is this. Do it properly.
Me - chills for 15 days. Submit the same earlier solution after that.
Boss - yes this looks nice now! Much better than your earlier work!
Me - dude seriously what kind of stuff do you smoke before coming to work?10
Me : I'm having a pretty bad headache.
Boss : Stop acting like a girl and get back to work.
Me: It's a migraine headache.
Boss: Ohh!! You know it's just in your head stop being a pussy. Don't think about the headache, and you won't feel any pain.
Me(in my head) : You fucking idiot you are partially correct it's in my head. But the pain won't stop if I stop thinking about it.
*Why the fuck does no one understand a neurological disease. If i'm not physically hurt, it doesn't mean i'm not in pain*
Fucking ignorant bastards.13
This is super childish but it's the gameserver insidstry and karma is a bitch.
TLDR: I hacked my boss
I was working for a gameserver and I did development for about 3 months and was promised pay after the network was released. I followed through with a bunch of dev friends and the guy ended up selling our work. He didn't know that I was aware of this as he tried to tell people to not tell us but one honest person came forward and said he sold our work for about 8x the price of what he owed ALL OF US collectively.
I proceeded to change the server password and when he asked why he couldn't log in I sent him an executable (a crypted remote access tool) and told him it was an "encryption tunnel" that makes ssh and file transfers secure. Being the idiot that he is he opened it and I snagged all of his passwords including his email and I changed them through a proxy on his machine to ensure I wouldn't get two factored with Google. After I was done I deleted system 32 :338
Somehow, my boss got his son, 19, working in a team of developers last week.
Son: i got ton of money and i dont need to do this. i inherit lot of properties from my dad.(trying to sound funny, superior, and boasting of his inheritance knowledge he might have learned in school during java class probably.)
A guy in the team: No you dont. You are like us.😎😎😎
Son: minds his own business now.
Damn that line made my day.
++ for this dude for insulting morons like this at work.
I may have to remove it on boss request if he see it. But for now hit as many ++ to show that idiot no body likes people like him.8
Pointy Haired Boss: "There's an issue with this simple bit of that service, could you take a look?"
Me: "Sure, give me a minute to investigate"
*A minute later*
Me: "No wonder there's a problem, this code is horrendous! What idiot wrote this unmaintainable crap?"
PHB: "Doesn't matter, just fix it, test it and release it."
Me: "I just want to check who did it, so they never touch our code again."
*Checks SVN log*
Me: "Well, I guess I can never touch our code again."2
Once I've done and internship for a company. I had to develop an android app. The app used localization so I needed to aske the user for the position permission.
Me: okay, finished.
Boss: show it to me.
*Done a fresh install*
Started the app, showed him a little bit around and then I've gone on the google maps activity. Permission dialog showed up.
Boss: what's this?
Me: the permission dialog. The app need the permission to check your actual position.
Boss: I don't want it.
Me: it has to show up, or I can't use the user's permission.
Boss: Ok, but I don't want it.
After half an hour passed of trying to explain him that it has to show up because google decided it, I said 'fuck you, I don't need to spend other time in this fucking company!'
I went home.
The day later the company owner called me, he said sorry and asked me to send them the app.
They liked it so much that the same day they called me thanking me for the work.
A couple of weeks later I found that they paid me 600 CHF (about 650$), for two days of work.
Sometimes life, in a world full of idiot, can be hard, but sometimes, those idiot's pay you 600 francs for a shit app, making life a little bit more enjoyable.15
OH MY FUCKING GOD! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU REWRITE A FUCKING PIECE OF CODE AND DON'T MAINTAIN ITS FUNCTIONALITY?
ARE YOU FUCKING MAD????
JUST SPENT 1 FUCKING HOUR TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY THE FUCK THE DATA WASN'T BEING PASSED TO REDUX STORE!
YEAH, UNIT TESTING SURE IS A FUCKING WASTE OF TIME YOU DUMB FUCKING IDIOT THAT HAS MASHED POTATOES FOR A BRAIN!
GO ROT IN HELL YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!!
NOW IF I DON'T FIX THIS SHIT MY ASS IS ON THE LINE BECAUSE I MADE THE FUCKING FUNCTIONALITY THAT YOU BROKE?? NO FUCKING WAY!
I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE MY BOSS, I'M GONNA GIT BLAME THE SHIT OUT OF YOU IF ANYONE PISSES ME OFF!2
It goes like this.
I have one final task to solve before starting in a new job at a different company. This guy, which is also a board member in the company in which I'm currently hired, is also an IT consultant and project manager in a fairly large company. This said person is also a key person for me being able to solve this last issue. I send him a complete guide on what he has to do before I can move on and wrap it all up.
First conflict arises because he doesn't follow the guide and tells me something is not working. I kindly inform him why and the response I get is very personal and not kind in any way, telling me and my boss that I am bad at my job and that he will bill us for 1000 USD for the 5 hours he used "debugging" and testing. This should have taken him 30 minutes and I have no idea what he spent those 5 hours doing.
It comes down to that my boss sides with this asshole and tells me that I have to do the task all over and test the system for the 4th time (yes I tested it 3 times beforehand to make sure nothing could go wrong) What my boss and the asshole doesn't know is that my uncle is vice president in the firm the asshole is working for. After kindly reminding this asshat that he has to follow the guide and that I can confirm everything is working, he keeps on attacking me. It's very rare that I fuck up and I have consulted 2 colleagues and got them to test it as well. They found no issues at all. The asshole ignored my request of documentation that something was not working.
I'm so full of being treated as an idiot so I send my uncle the email correspondence with the asshole to confirm that this is not how any of their employees should behave independant of my ability to do my job.
He will speak with this fucker tomorrow at work as first thing in the morning. I'm not proud of the way I went about this, but that was like the last drop, if you know what I mean.
Sorry for the long rant.20
Application has had a suspected memory leak for years. Tech team got developers THE EXACT CODE that caused it. Few months of testing go by, telling us they're resolving their memory leak problem (finally).
Today: yeah, we still need restarts because we don't know if this new deployment will fix our memory leak, we don't know what the problem is.
WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING IN THE LOWER REGIONS FOR THREE FUCKING MONTHS?!?!?! HAVING A FUCKING ORGY???????????????
My friends took the time to find your damn problem for you AND YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS???
It was in lower regions for 3 MONTHS and you don't know how it's impacting memory usage?!?!?! DO YOU WANT TO STILL HAVE A JOB? BECAUSE IF NOT, I CAN TAKE CARE OF THAT FOR YOU. YOU DON'T DESERVE YOUR FUCKING JOB IF YOU CAN'T FUCKING FIX THIS.
Every time your app crashes, even though I don't need to get your highest level boss on anymore for approval to restart your server, I'M GOING TO FUCKING CALL HIM AND MAKE HIM SEE THAT YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT. Eventually, he'll get so annoyed with me, your shit will be fixed. AND I WON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR USELESS ASS ANYMORE.
(Rant directed at project manager more than dev. Don't know which is to blame, so blaming PM)28
Week 26 advice - you all probably know this but good to refresh!
Annotate your code
Use version control properly
Keep yourself in check with project management tools
Your peers are your friends... And competition.
As much as your boss is an idiot respect them and your life will be easier.
With great power comes great responsibility; don't touch that keyboard until you think through what you are doing chances are your first idea is not the best.
Don't write quick fixes and say you will go back to clean it up later on when you have time. That time will never come.3
I had an idiot as my boss once. The guy was a principal architect at the time, and thought it would be a good idea to demonstrate his/our project to the entire org in an auditorium. The project inclined turning the User's phone as the entertainment unit in the car. He spoke of all the bells and whistles, about how you can listen to music, watch videos while in the car. A guy expressed his concern about the cost and availability of 3g/4g data in India, our target market. He blatantly dismissed the concern claiming one doesn't use data while watching videos, as you aren't downloading or saving anything. If you save the video offline only then you consume data. I have never seen a group of 200 odd people grow silent that quick. People looking around uncomfortably. And then this ass goes, "My team is sitting back there. Reach out to them if you have any doubts.."
I sunk in my seat as low as I possibly could without falling down8
I’m working for fucking idiots. Here is an actual conversation I had with my boss today.
Me: I checked the numbers, and barely anyone is using our app more than once. Not only is a minuscule amount of people downloading it (we have 300 downloads), but none of those people use it more than once. Use retention is important and we’re failing in that regard.
Boss: User retention doesn’t matter. Investors don’t care about that. Blah blah blah all we need is marketing blah blah. We just need a bunch of people to download once. That’s all that marketers care about....in fact, an potential investor himself told me that he doesn’t care (obvious lie)
Me: Well, can I talk to this investor? What’s his name? Is he in California or India/China?
Boss: oh you can’t be at the investor meeting. It’s high level. Just don’t worry about it. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.
On the bright side, this whole exchange has motivated me even more in my quest to find a new job. And I guess it’s important to learn what not to do from idiots6
When you learn your project will be launched Monday in an email sent to the whole company, just before the weekend...
I'm not even kidding. No one on our team was consulted if the app was ready or not.
There was no infrastructure in place to even deploy the app. Everything had to be done in a hurry over the weekend to deploy something half baked, thanks to that idiot project manager who told his boss everything was ready.
Two colleagues ended up doing this work over the weekend, but looking back, if I was the one having to get something deployed over the weekend, I would have just refused and come back to work as usual on Monday and watch that idiot explain why it's not live.
Anger anger anger rant rant rant. Software #1 is bad fuck em, software #2 is bad fuck em, rant rant rant rant, I hate software #3 because reasons a b and c, customers this customers that, boss says '<str_boss_quote_1>' makes me mad, is idiot, anger.
I'll fill in the blanks when I have time just wanted to get the template down.14
So following from this rant:
Warning long rant ahead
I resigned and my last day is tomorrow, I've released the app updates a week ago, patched a couple bugs for iOS.
My boss and the idiot who can't open an email on his phone go off to use the app as part of some training thing for the company.
I got a call yesterday saying the Android app has issues and I proceeded to ask my boss what type of phone they have:
"Samsung and Huawei"
I thought okay I need more info "what type of phone..." He responds with wouldn't have a clue....
I can't see the phone, didn't get a screenshot or anything like that but I'm expected to just know what the phone is.
My boss goes on to say yeah it's the app (he is literally the most computer illiterate person I could think of aside from guy who can't open emails on phone, how the fuck do you know that?)
Me: "From all the testing I've done the app works"
Look if you want a more robust error free update hire more than one developer I can't test every single fucking use case to determine the app is 100% bug free, I've tested on at least 10 phones before releasing the update just to be absolutely sure I got everything done and okay I missed something.
So I proceed to get my boss to tell the guy who has the issue I'll sign him up to the testing app to find out the cause and hopefully fix the issue, I setup crashlytics send the email and get a call from my boss saying the guy didn't get the email.
Well okay is it my problem that we have two emails for the same person where one of them is a typo? No it's the guy who asked and wrote down the email instead of actually forwarding a blank email from him to be absolutely sure, I sent the email to both just to be on the safe side.
I swear if he is another idiot who can't open emails on his phone well I can't help him, app works on my phone and the phones at work.
I need a phone where it doesn't work so I can get a solution I know works but if I have to deal with these idiots that can't even check an email how the fuck do I do that?
Sorry about the formatting just needed to get this off my chest before I start work.
Oh and I get asked "so who'll fix the bugs when you're gone" well I can't (in reality I'm not working for free, I'm not traveling 1 1/2 commute time to fix one bug for free, go hire someone you think will love to work for minimum wage and let's see if this guy can do what I did)8
TL;DR Was told to run ethernet trough ceiling with like 20 live wires and internet was down in 2 days. Yelled at "boss" and rerun it and teacher thanked us for yelling at him.
Had to run ethernet cable across school today. Me and 3 of my classmates (We are team at school which helps with tech and runs entire school internet basically) were sent to do it (ofcourse) and they told us to run it trough ceiling. OK no problem. I grab latter. WTF ? I see around 20 live wires (Isolated luckily). I ask how can i run it there since eth will not like live wires at 220V. They said to just do it.
We asked for shielded eth. Nope not getting it. Unshielded it must be.
We all knew the internet wasnt gonna be great but hey we were doing as they told us.
We did it.
Connect it and test it.
Speeds are horrific but OK fuck it.
2 days later we get call (Yes we even got a phone LOL) saying that the internet stopped working or is extremly slow. We go and test it. Indeed slow AF. Before we ran the ethernet we checked how much EM is in the ceiling. It was high but OK.
I got the idea to check again.
HOLY shit. It was literally out of scale 20 cm from the ceiling. Oh fuck.
We learnt that the backup generator charges every few days for few hours.
At the time we ran it it wasnt charging and some wires were off so it was OK but now it was charging and it was drawing a lot of power.
So after call to the idiot that told us to run it in ceiling and crash course for him about ethernet and EM and that he is an idiot we gave him 2 options. Either rerun the internet and drill like 20 holes or buy shielded cable but with that high EM (Eth is like 3cm from live wires) even shielded woudlnt help i suppose.
So we rerun it where there was almost no EM and used shielded (FTP cable) just to be sure. Oh would you look at that. Full speed as its supposed to be.
Everybody at school hates that idiot who told us to run it there and when we came to our room teacher was waiting and just told us that finally somebody said something to that idiot.
Bloody amazing feeling.9
I fucking hate my boss so much
He looks down on me like I’m some idiot who doesn’t know his shit.
The other day he was trying to explain OAuth2.0 to me in the most dumbed down way ever, even after telling him I do already know how OAuth 2.0 works. He just said “oh well just making sure” and continued explaining it to me the exact same way. Felt shitty having something explained to you which you already know in such a way in front of all of your coworkers
Whenever I give my thoughts on something he answers with an argument that’s essentially true but pretty stupid:
B: “We don’t need to bundle our JS files” (see my other rant)
M: “Our load time is around 15 seconds though and it takes forever to update our script tags”
B: “Yes but it’s only 15 seconds once and the tags are already there so it’s fine”
How do you reply to something like that??
On top of that, his code is absolutely awful, always looks hacked together, lacks documentation and i don’t think he has written a unit test in his life
The one that made me quit was when I was told I had to drive to the data centre and do a backup every day over the bank holiday weekend with no extra pay or time off. For no reason. And yes I know I'm an idiot for doing it but whatever.
The one that made me walk out, a month and a half later, was when I came in on Monday morning to discover that my boss had entirely rewritten the code I had spent literal months on in one weekend. Naturally he'd broken it and said it was an improvement.2
After 3 years of being the first in and last to leave, of getting other people's work reassigned to me - P can't complete it on time, G doesn't like the user, A refuses to work on that module, etc... I finally blew last Sept.
In the span of 2 days, my boss brought me into a project 1.5 years in (she doesn't trust P to do the coding) and expected me to be up to speed and coding in a couple of days, told the functional dept that I would cover for one of their guys on vaca for three weeks and assigned me to take over a HUGE project from one of the other functional guys who wasn't getting it done. So basically I'm now doing Ps job AND supporting another department AND taking control of a large project from another department. I'm the idiot working 14 hour days while they're all leaving on time or enjoying their 3 week vaca to India.
I lost it. It's bad enough filling in the gaps in my own department but when I'm now taking on work for other departments, that's where I draw the line. I sent my boss my resignation - just could not take the inequity in the work load.
I'm still working here - my boss ended up hiring a consultant to handle the functional project and told the functional group to find their own vacation coverage. She's also monitoring workloads much closer now. I still habe an ongoing issue with having to complete other peoples work for them but I'm not working OT to do it. So speaking up helps. So does quitting.2
Me: I’m gonna make it so the users can access the locations for 30days.
Boss: wtf? U dumb? Do you know how valuable that data is, dont fucking put a limit
Me: *listening 10minutes of him ranting how that’s the stupidest idea he’s heard all day*
Boss:why would you want to do that anyways like wtf?
Me: storage optimization
Boss: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 wtf r u like a idiot or smthng.
My head: nah I’m done, I’m about to roast this guy with my numbers*
Me: every single minute 40k rows of data come in from just ONE☝️ CLIENT.....AND THATS HOW, EVEN IF WE ADD THAT FUCKING 2 YEAR LIMIT WE WOULD BE HOSTING 5 FUCKING PETABYTES OF DATA FOR JUST ONE CLIENT, not including other shits, this is only for heatmaps. And imagine changing all of that database system in the future, that would require going threw so much databases and pages, this ain’t just like changing one number and bam less storage space.
Boss: Ok, add that 2 year limit, later we will sort this out.
My brain: *omg, now that I know these numbers how will I ever fall asleep😦*9
My idiot boss keeps coming up to me and asks "How far along?" every hour. Shut the fuck up you asshole let me work for some time undisturbed before you poke you non technical nose and ask me that dumb question!!!4
Idiot hard coded database host on the app... Pushed to prod and suddenly shit wasn't working... Took me 10 minutes to figure out what was going on...
Wrote a passive aggressive git message and commited.
Before updating prod my boss turns around to me and the following took place:
Boss: is there any problem with the server?
Me: yes, someone (i know who was ) hard coded the test db IP and it broke the backend.
Boss: oh, but will it affect the mobile app?
Me: well, it won't work but I'm already pushing the fix.
Boss: no..err.. I mean... Will I have to make any change to the mobile app?
Me inside: wtf dude... For real?! Get your shit together...
Me: no. It good, I already fixed it.
Boss: OK. Thanks
Moron hard coded dB's host and stupid boss can't get shit together nor ask who did it to take precautions...12
The story of how I got my dream job.
I was working for a company with a job I got just after graduating university. It was ok, not very exciting tech but I learned a lot by just surrounding myself with professional code monkeys. I was there for about a year when my company bought parts of another company and there was talk about people getting fired. This made me worried since I was the last one to get hired, so I started looking around for other jobs. I received this e-mail from a company saying they were looking for interns, what a coincidence! I adjusted my CV and sent it in.
--A few weeks pass--
It's Friday and I'm at a dinner party, it's 10pm and someone is calling me. I pick up and it's a recruiter from this company. I get very nervous but the alcohol helps me keep my cool, I pass the initial idiot test and they invite me for an interview. Yay!
I go to work on Monday and in a 1-on-1 and I tell my boss about the upcoming interview, he gives me a high-five :)
The interview is approaching and I'm feeling that I'm about to get sick, I refuse to believe this so I start taking a lot of medicine (painkillers, cough medicine etc.). I feel a bit better and thank the gods for medication.
I wake up, put on my nicest clothes and get on the train. I had one hour to spare just in case, which was well needed because the fucking train is late by 30 minutes. I'm still heavily medicated because of my ongoing fever. When I arrive I basically have to run there and somehow I manage to pick up a coffee on the way there which I devour in two seconds. I'm ready for the interview!
Some guy meets me in reception and the first thing he says is "My colleague doesn't speak our language so we'll have to speak english". This is fine, I speak good english but I was not prepared for this so it caught me off-guard and made me even more nervous. We get in and start talking. Things are going OK despite my numbed brain. I try to make eye-contact to make a good impression with the foreign engineer but he keeps staring somewhere which is making me nervous.
We get to the technical part on a whiteboard and this is where my brain decides to stop communicating. I'm presented a simple task which I'm struggling with finishing, and I feel the embarrassment coming over me. "NOOOOO THIS IS MY DREAM JOB, THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!" I'm thinking to myself. After making myself look like a complete arsehole for some time we wrap it up and just before I step out the door I say to the engineer "You should checkout my Github page, I have lots of interesting stuff there" and he says "I'll be sure to do that" but I don't believe him.
I leave the office in fury (of myself) and make my way to the train station and even though it's the middle of the day I quickly devour two beers to calm my nerves and make me feel a bit better. I was so damn disappointed in myself, I wasted the opportunity of a lifetime! I go back home to my regular (now shitty) job.
--Two days later--
I get a call from an unknown number. I pick up the phone and it's the same recruiter guy. "So how did you think it went?" he says. "To be honest, I think it went really bad", I replied. "What? Really? Because they loved you, you got the job". (this was an obvious recruiter lie) "... wat, are you sure you called the correct person?" I said and he just laughed. The day after I quit my old job the whole department gets fired - such impeccable timing.
--A few months later--
I finish my internship and they want to keep me. I'm so happy. The engineer that was in the interview works on my team. I ask him "Why did you hire me? You know as well as I do that my interview was horrible". It turns out he _did_ look at my Github profile and that's how he knew I could write code. I also heard later that for my position there was about 2000 applicants and somehow I made the interviews.
I still work there today and I couldn't be happier (Sorry for the long text).3
Warning: w-rated for "wordpress", s-rated for "stupidity"
Yesterday in the morning I receive an E-Mail from a designer guy that we should update a plugin in a client's WP because their visual composer in the backend doesn't seem to work anymore.
My boss confirms the task. I'm fucked.
The anger in me rises.
So I try the Wordpress login, it works. I create a backup with Duplicator and run it locally. 2 hours later I found a solution so I want to upload the files to Abominationpress.
BUT THE FUCKING FTP LOGIN DOES NOT WORK...
I write him back asking for the correct login data. 24 hours later he writes me back the exact same username and password.
THANK YOU YOU LOBOTOMIZED BRAIN-AMPUTATED IDIOT.
It already gave me cancerherpes when he mentioned WP, but this shit is just fucking too much.
Now waiting for the response.5
So lets start here, as i have been preparing myself for a while for that rant. I have been putting it off for a while, but today I had enough.
Fuck react-native and fuck facebook react-native team. Bunch of lazy incompetent twats.
The all amazing framework that suppose to be speed up your development process, since you don't have to compile your code after each change. SO FUCKING WHAT if the god damned framework is so fucking buggy and so fucking shit that you constantly have to fix build, dependancies etc issues. Every day since I work on this project that is using react-native I have to deal with some of the react fucked up behaviour. You got an issue ? don't worry google it just to find out that 100 other people had the same issue. Scroll through down the bottom of the page just to find out that facebook devs have closed the issue as resolved (without fucking fixing it) because there wasnt recent replies to the post. Are you fucking kidding me? It's ok thou, create a new issue just to get an automatic reply from the bot that locks the thread and keeps it locked till you update your React-native version to the newest one. You do that and guess fucking what? Their newest version fucks up remote debugging on iOS(fucking android been broke for over a year) so say good bye to debugging your js code. Documentation is fucking trash. You found a nice function like autoCaptialise on your text input? Great! Ah wait, its not fucking working, what is wrong? You google this just to fucking found out it, function never worked on android, so why the fuck you still have it exposed and still have it in your docs? You want to add package? So fucking ez, just type npm install <name of the package>. Ha! fuck you, you still have to go and add them fucking manually in gradle in android and in pod in xcode, because obviously react-native is a one big fucking bullshit. Oh and a scroll view is a fucking glorious highlight of that framework, try add some styling to it, you gonna have loads of fun. Fuck react-native. And fuck the fucking idiot who convinced my boss that framework is so fucking great and now I have to work on this shit. Sincerely Xamarin Developer.10
My boss was fired and now I have to answer to his boss. "I have this issue with your product, can you make it mire idiot prood?" Well, sure, we just didn't met so persistent idiot up to now...2
Boss asks us to make sure out documents/instructions to clients are idiot-proof. I am not disagreeing this but usually clients are more idiotic than the most idiotic idiot you can ever imagine...4
Taken a day off due to sickness, boss calls and said “can you fix an error on xyz website? it's urgent.”
I said No, I'm in hospital I can't. Even though I was at home.
He said “please look once whenever you'll reach home.”
Idiot got no chill.
Seriously, why are so many companies caught up with if there developers working from home or not? Maybe it's where I'm at, but my last boss said ...
" I know you don't have any problem making deadlines and your a good worker, but you still need to come to the office in order to have face to face interaction."
Me: "This is the first face to face conversation I've had with someone in over a week."
Boss: (shrugs)"our goal is to build an office friendly environment where people will enjoy coming into the office"
Me: in my head "your an idiot"... Out loud "Ok"
In reality my custom built machine is better than yours, and I'm more productive in my Sealy Posturpedic chair and pajamas than your wack office chair with you popping your head out of your office every couple hours to "manage" me when you haven't written code in years and i have to teach you things that you bring to your boss to make yourself look smart.15
Rant time of 'Derp & Co.'
Today I decided that I am going to find another job, I just can't keep with this shit.
They said that use Agile: FALSE.
• Daily (best scenario) take like 1 hour and a half.
• New task enter the sprint and "Fuck you, more task in the same time". This is something regular done.
• "Oh, dev, we need you to check this other project" I am in the middle of my sprint on this project. "But you have to fix this bug here". (3 fucking days the bloody bug) "You are late again with tasks".
• Meeting for fresh sprint: 6 BLOODY hours... nonstop
The workflow is garbage:
• SOMEONE should did all the devops shit on the first sprint, guess what? They did nothing!, guess now who is being blamed for it (not only me, but a few coworkers).
• Nothing is well designed/defined:
~ task are explained like shit
~ times measured wrongly
~ We are in the last fucking SPRINT and still doing de ER of the DataBase cause Oh, apparently no one has work before with SQL (damn you MongoDB! (Not really)) so I am doing my best, but "jezz dev, this is so hard... maybe we can do it WRONG and easy".
~ No one is capable of take responsability of their mess, they just try to push down the problems. (Remember the devops situatuion? Why is.my fault? I came at the 3 or 4 sprint and I am doing backend tasks, I know nothing about devops).
But the big prize, the last one:
• Apparently you can't send whatever you want to the boss, it has to pass a filter previously of coordinators and managers, hell yeah!
And I am an idiot too!
because I see that we can't reach our schedule and do hours on my spare time!
This is because there are a few good coworkers who probably ended with my unfinished tasks... and they are equaly fucked as me...
This is just the tip of the iceberg. I am not a pro, I am not a full stack developer and still need to learn a lot, but this is just not normal, eight months like this...3
Last Week Friday:
PM: We'll be taking you off the one project on to another, we'll send the details later.
PM: Ok cool, so you'll be looking at a script that one of our Pillar heads has scripted. You need to make sure it works and that it can run on the server.
Me: *I always thought this guy was useless now i get to see what he can do* Cool, just send the documentation and i'll take a look at it over the weekend. Just tell me when you've sent it.
Project Head: I'll inform you when i send the files and how to run them.
Me: *I know how to set up a database locally, i'm not an idiot* Cool.
Whole Weekend I don't get a single message.
Project Head(PH): Have you taken a look at it yet?
Me: Taken a look at what?
PH: The Database and the Script
Me: i didn't get any message over the weekend.
PH: I sent it yesterday, it should be in your inbox.
Me: There's Nothing. Sending anything on a Sunday is expecting me not to see it, especially at 10pm. Besides i can't retrieve any of the files in the attachment(Outlook tripping), rather send it in a zip file or upload it to onedrive.
PH sends the link. I get the files, set up the DB, glance at the script.
Me: This is actually interesting.
PH: You know what it does?
Me: My SQL knowledge is below average but i can read and understand it pretty well. So your dynamically copying the database from the server to the warehouse, cool.
It's not going to work though.
PH: Check first.
I check it
Me: Doesn't work, but it sort of works.
PH: What do you mean?
Me: Some tables are populated but some aren't,, how and there's a shit tone of errors.
PH: So i does copy the data over.
Me: Some of the data.
PH: test it on the Server
Me: Not a good idea.
PH: Just try it.
PM: In the mean time i'll send you some documentation i need you to review and edit.
Me: *Idiots* Cool.
Me: Have you checked it on the server yet?
PH: Not yet, busy.
Me: Where's the documentation again?
PM: I'll send it it a moment.
Me: In the mean time i'll write some script to fix that script that's definitely not going to work.
Boss: I heard you done with the script
Me: It's not done, but we'll be testing it on the server later.
Boss: Then why are you running it on the server?
Me: Ask the PH and PM.
Boss: What are you doing now?
Me: Well i'm supposed to do documentation *looks at PM* but i haven't recieved any yet, so I've been writing a script to fix the copy script.
PH: Ok we'll test when the boss leaves, after all the meetings.
PM: here's the documentation.
I start on documentation.
PH: It didn't work.
Me: I know.
PH: Fix it.
PM: What you doing?
Me: Fixing the script,
PM: Do the documentation first
End of the day:
PH: Why you doing the documentation? The script has highest priority.
Me: Ask the PM.
Boss: can we talk.
Boss: I though you said the script was done?
Me: i said it sort of works, just doesn't do the job 100%.
Boss: Monday i was told it's done.
Me: i only looked through it Monday to understand it, i done nothing before Tuesday. though i have been trying to create a script to fix it.
Boss: Your working really slow hey.
Me: *It's been a week, and stupid people are in charge* I was doing what i was told.
Boss: Cool.(His Upset)
Stupid FUCKEN people, make stupid FUCKEN decisions. But Hey, the boss only see's the final result. I am a human being, even i make mistakes. But there's a huge gap between stupidity and a mistake.
Lol, my boss wanted me to sign a one year contract for a shitty money, because "that's the standard in it". Well... no.5
I am a developer at a tech company. The tester in my team refuse to test my work because he feel I don't respect him. He is a fucking idiot, so obviously I don't respect him. I can still do my job just like always, so I told the cretin it doesn't matter if I respect him or not and he doesn't need my respect to do his job.
At the end of the day I couldn't care less about his feelings. I just hope my boss doesn't fire me when he finds out.3
TLDR boss is an idiot.
Boss has an issue. Sends screenshot, and a one sentence explanation, boss-style (not really clear, but the screenshot helps).
I set to solve it, not a minute passes, the boss os calling.
Explains the issue, i tell him I'm working on it, will msg when done. He explains the problem again, and tells me to hurry. I tell him, sure, let's hang up, give me five minutes, so he starts explaining again, that it's IMPORTANT.
Finally hangs up, it didn't take more than 3 minutes to solve it, msg him, it's done. test it, screenshots for the two parts i solved (of the one he wanted corrected and one where a similar case is still as it's supposed to be, not altered).
He calls me, I start telling him this us what I did, the screenshot.... *Interrups*
This is not what he needed, it's important, IMPORTANT i say, and tells the problem again.
I'm pretty annoyed by now, and just calm fuckoff mood comes over. I practically told him to click the link and see for himself....
if you want to take 10 minutes for something i would explain in 2 sentences, is it really that important....6
A subservient idiot of my CEO who thinks he is my boss has asked me to document our daily standup meetings.
Today I put together all the reasons this is a waste of time in my head: nobody reads these, if you read them once every 2 weeks what's the point of writing these everyday, you don't understand what we do, this takes time away from us actually accomplishing shit.
He was out for kidney stones today. He is in immense pain, but I cannot lay the logical smackdown I had prepared upon him.
I sometimes hate my boss (CTO in a medium sized company). Despite that he is a real genius, he changes his mind every fucking day, only because he has 'thought through' a fucking problem which should not be in his concerns. That is my job you fucktard! You haven't been coding for 20 years and now you tell me how to do my job. But then when I need valuable input from you, you SKIP my scheduled MEETINGS FOR WEEKS!
JUST LET ME DO MY JOB, I'M NO IDIOT, BUT YOU GIVE ME THAT FEELING THAT I AM ONE!1
My first “business trip”,
From 8 AM to 00 AM, 15-16 hours?
For 6 days straight,
Over 2 weeks,
*I rested once during the first sunday, I got back home on the second sunday,
Because the stupid boss designed the “revamped” software without even checking the first one, it turns out to be a completely different software, we were making personalized softwares for different clients back then,
Hence our trip to “implement updates” become a trip to “fix and re create everything”,
This happened about 2 years ago. My colleague at work, who's a kind and smart soul was actually yelling at the phone. Before that nobody had heard her yell at anyone, let alone a client.
The history was that she found out that the client sent her falsified official documents and she confronted him about that, so the idiot client started laughing then yelling that she had to be 'on his side' since he hired us as consultants. That's when she started yelling.
How can anyone be so cynical?
This is also our job to save your moron ass from your own stupidity.
If she didn't found out and the documents sent to the government there would be a lot of trouble for everyone especially the client.
After that we all comforted her and told her she did right. Unfortunately the client wasn't fired (a friend of the boss) but of course we all declined to work with that client again.1
Back to Excel for control project, sih 😢, just because my non tech boss can't work with JIRA and it confused him. Do you guys know any idiot friendly control project before I having a heart attack?2
when you hire a third party team and the ceo is so technically behind that the team starts treating you like an idiot as well.
Unlike my boss who can barely work a mac, i can use github so you dont have to send me a zip file.
Unlike my boss, you can use big words.
Unlike my boss, you dont have to treat me like im stupid.1
This bit caught my attention:
The power shift comes at a tough time for a high street rocked by sweeping changes in shopping habits. The growth of online shopping has seen a swathe of retailers use an insolvency process known as a company voluntary arrangement to shut stores and seek lower rents.
Richer Sounds has been shielded from the storm by the founder’s decision to buy the freeholds on most of its 52 stores. “Any idiot can sign a lease,” he says. “I always wanted to be in control of my own destiny by owning the freeholds.” Today its rent and rates bill is just 1.5% of turnover, a figure many retail bosses can only dream of. “We’ve got small stores that are in very busy, secondary positions … so when business migrated to the web we weren’t decimated,” he says.
Don't rent !
Some quite nice things he did there, though..
My own experience of giving a company to its workers didn't end so well, because when I wasn't there being in charge, the place drifted back to just like any other business.
Profits went down, efficiency dropped, and people took home 10 times less..
So, if you are going to do that, make sure your replacement boss is as good as you !
Which is kinda hard to find these days..
Some idiot fixing bugs in production and overwriting files without updating his git repo when I pushed another bugfix live.
Boss to me: "it's your job to get the fix live!"
I FUCKING HATE MONDAYS!
screw performance i'm gonna run gulp.watch in production and just git reset it to last release when someone fiddles with files on the server :(
Story of my life in the office
I work my ass off and get the job done, almost 4 to 5 hours before my shift ends. And then I casually sit with other colleagues and chat a bit.
And my boss comes in and says you have no work ethics and are lazy.
And i'm like you fucker I got my job done, why can't you see that. I doesn't mean that my job is easy if I get it done before time. I just means that i'm more fucking efficient then the other employees.While the other employees were gossiping, I was on my desk working. Why can't that fucker see that.
Not to mention as I get my job done before time, I get burdened with other people's work, coz apparently they are overloaded with work.
We needed to decide which JS library to integrate in a project. I investigated two libs both os and commercial and made a nice table to compare the pros and cons side by side. Important to note that both fullfilled nearly all of my technical requests and there are zero other comparable projects or products.
Now our Boss needed to make the final decision. He shortly looked at the Excel File and said:
I don't like opensource software because they will abandon the project if they earn no money. Also I don't like the other one. It's too expensive and it's developed by only a small company! I'll let you know which risk i'll take!
You guessed it: Still no decision after a few weeks. I'd say he will go for the os lib...
So people are getting new jobs left and right, and there are several others looking for new jobs including me...
Well... now the CIO is following people around the office and watching them walk to their car and stuff. To me this just makes the situation worse.
If he's so worries about people leaving then why doesn't he hire people instead of trying drive everyone out?
My boss always tells me to document everything. The problem is that I don't know where, because she tells me something else every time I ask her.
The best part is that now there are like three word documents and two excel files for one project flying around four different storage-systems.
And I am the idiot who can't document if she is unable to find the files she's looking for. Even I don't know where my files went because she moves them around like she pleases!2
I'm in middle of fucking moronic, most incomprehensible situation.
So primarily I work for a project which requires Node 6.11.5 precisely and now I've been assigned another developer's half asses'd work without any documentation about how to set up gulp, long story it took me a week to figure out it's an ant build with node dependencies oh and I nearly forgot this developer is using node 0.12.1, Can you fucking believe that?
Now when I'll need to compile/build for primary project i'll need to reinstall 6.11.5 and god knows what will happen when and if that half asses'd project comes back
This idiot has style.css / style.ie.css / style.min.css in .gitignore so every time I pull I'll need to re-build oh and the worst part I spend my weekend fixing this shit then sass compiled and shit is still crazy, CSS is written from SASS but not reflecting on server ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
While I'm writing this I'm waiting on my boss who is also trying to fix this.
My boss is the fucking stressful part of my team, he doesn't do nothing and just try to feel you as an idiot with your job >¤<