You know whom to blame, don't you?

Manager: Why aren’t you working?

Dev: I am, I’m just not typing because I’m thinking an issue out.

Manager: Well what is taking so long? You haven’t written any code for like 15 minutes, you’ve just been doodling on your notepad.

Dev: I’m not “doodling”. I’m taking notes and trying to visualize the issue. It’s a complicated issue with application stat—

Manager: Well just simplify it then

Dev: ?

Manager: Instead of making it a complicated issue just simplify it and then it won’t take you so long. You’re likely overthinking it, I never spend more than 30 seconds thinking about any issue before coming up with a solution. That’s what makes me so effective at my job is my ability to be lean like that.

Dev: …this issue is a bit harder than deciding what to have for lunch

Error Code: 1117. Too many columns

That must be one hell of a database design!

Oh, there's a "clear"-button for the notifications.

Thank goodness, I thought I'd have to actually *read* all your posts. Phew, close one.

Why was the JavaScript developer sad?
Because he didn't Node how to Express himself....

Can’t unsee this.

When you finally get to join the small group of people that have reached hell.

🤧😢🤧

It's been a long ass journey and it's warm down here.

Every Programmer's Patience ever

Its amazing how you have to train people so their greed doesn't override their greed.

Imagine this.

2000.00 of waste a day.
2000.00 a DAY, offset by EVERY last customer you get.

To make on average 15.00 to 20.00 a day you have to spend the equivalent of $0.19 of electricity extra for them to run a laptop, to get a certain kinda client.

And some days, for a few days at least, you have to leave them alone for 4 to 5 days without buying anything so they'll buy something every day for 2 to 4 weeks at a time.

Well you're already lighting, heating, cooling and staffing the place, and you're throwing out a fuck ton of perishable product, can you afford to turn that customer away ? nope.

but they want to because they like being assholes and because they're mimicking their asshole parents who's purpose or finer points of detail they never understood because they're just desiring to mimic their piece of shit parents in being assholes, not realizing when they can be assholes without too much self detriment.

and the place is far from the ritz hotel :P

Why is it that every python project I come across seems to not even want you to use it.
The deployment always sucks, you get some random ass errors because some parts are in python 2 instead of 3 I guess. If there's a C library involved it most definitely won't work. What the fuck is conda and why do I need it to install software?
Where is the documentation to build a release yourself if the public ones don't work?

Sooooooooothe world is going to end?

User: We have been dealing with this bug for a month now! How come nobody has fixed it?

Dev: Who did notify about this issue?

User: You’re not listening we have been dealing with this for a MONTH!

Dev: When this issue first occurred did you tell anyone?

User: Yes!

Dev: Who?

User: …. Ok I don’t remember but I know I said something to someone. Anyway it doesn’t matter, your job is IT so how come this isn’t fixed?

Dev: Did you have an email? Ticket number? Teams message? Any record of where this was dropped?

User: I think you’re missing the point. We haven’t been able to do out jobs for A MONTH. We’ve just been sitting around completely helpless. We’ve been trying to figure a system using paper and pencil to replace the electronic one but it’s too complicated. How come this wasn’t fixed the second it happened?

Dev: It’s hard to respond to an issue if it’s not brought to out attention.

User: Ok but we are too busy to create a ticket! We have a million things to do and we can’t do any of them because your app doesn’t work! We’ve been sitting here telling each other how terrible this system is AND IT HAS BEEN A MONTH.

Dev: …. Yeah I got that

i want to know how they got it to say this lol and why we can't make more tay bots and have different people troll/train them ?

You know I can't seem to think of any reason why they'd try to make one class serve me for reportedly some horrible reason, and then punish me for not letting them aside from a single phrase that one would expect to hear while having a choke chain loosened which is 'good boy, good fido' because pushing the awful things they do off on me seems to be the objective while making my life harder if I don't do what I honestly do want to do, which is that pretty latina across the way, seems like them training one group by trying to encourage another to lend the illusion of a working system. heh. meaning they'll try to blame me if they give her something she shouldn't have by dangling her in front of me like a toy mouse, and there sense of humor seems apparent when the next time through they drop some ugly old homeless guy in front of me and have her laugh as she walks off after being rejected. trains her and attempts to discourage me from a higher path.

even though its hardly fair since the other option is to wander around out of resources and uncomfortable because i'm turned off by what they are and what their system entails and that seems to be the point. only heartless people would say 'well wtf ever'

amusingly those want to be despots and emperors are on the lowest of the low side of interests and seem to be doing just soooooo well after their looks dry up.

goes to show you if you're not independently wealthy you're a node being controlled by your impulses.

What is cloud computing

OMG DOES WATSON SUCK !!! I JUST WANT TO SSH IN AND DROP SOME FILES AND START THEM RUNNING DAMN IT NOT MESS WITH NOTEBOOKS !

Manager: I’m getting a strange error now….it says CORS? Any idea what that means?

Dev: Ezpz, just a matter of how many goats to sacrifice and incantations to recite

Manager: Are you serio—

Dev: Bring me my debugging pentagram

Uhmm.. I think I broke the game (°ー°〃)

Every day we move one step towards Skynet.

*Achievement unlocked*

The award of:
Asking “Can you please fucking enable some way for me to mock the networking requests?” A record number of times to unique third party libraries in a week

Awarded to:
practiseSafeHex

(How far) Do you see a future where one of Linux's distros gets a good enough user experience that average people start using it?

My partner has been using Ubuntu in one of her side-computers and they haven't complained. That said, my partner is pretty technologically literate, although they don't code professionally.

YELLED AT FOR 45 FUCKING MINUTES OVER OTHER PEOPLE’S FUCKUPS

IF YOU PIECES OF SHIT WANT ME TO DO SOMETHING, FUCKING SAY IT. WRITE IT THE FUCK DOWN IN THE FUCKING TICKET.

AND IF YOU WANT A FUCKING DEMO, SCHEDULE THE FUCKING THING, AND STOP FUCKING CANCELING THEM. DON’T BLAME ME WHEN IT’S YOUR FUCKING FINGER ON THE FUCKING CANCEL BUTTON EVERY. FUCKING. WEEK.

AND SERIOUSLY, DON’T FUCKING EXPECT ME TO DROP MY LAST FUCKING TICKET THE AFTERNOON BEFORE VACATION FOR SOME LOW-PRIOIRTY CRAP BECAUSE SUDDENLY IT’S ALL THE RAGE INSIDE YOUR TINY DUMBASS HEAD. BUT OH BOO FUCKING HOO, @ROOT DIDN’T DO WHAT I ASKED WHEN I WAS BEING A FUCKING MORON! GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU FUCKING STUCK-UP IDIOT

AND FUCK BOZO THE CLOWN BOSS FOR BLAMING ME FOR THE FUCKING IDIOT’S BRUISED FUCKING EGO

FUCK THE LOT OF YOU

Stupid tab characters in excel sheet imports....

oh danish
oh staple of police and fat techies
how i sing my love to thee

when my brain slows
you nourish me

when my mood sinks
you uplift me

but oh gentle sweet lord
the sacrifice ! the sacrifice !
miles must i wander weary of soul and body
or cursed do i sit a heavy head on heavy shoulders
and widen the throne beneath me!

Sure am glad they decided to take a break for 20 years from allowing people to learn and to work on their own shit.

So great for example we have a cheapo government, that won;t invest money into people to learn things like the underlying lowlevel aspects of the kernel and an fbi office like that in philadelphia that would rather drug the adherent and let them wake up somewhere else, twice.

if i were them i'd be looking at said formerly blond long haired 40 something bitch manning that post.

SHUT IT DOWN !
SHUT IT DOWN FOREVER !
APPARENTLY THE DREAM OF INSPIRING THE NEXT GENERATION TO VIEW THIS ALL AS HORROR DIDN'T SET IN DESPITE JENNIFER CONNELLY AND HER FINE TITS MAKING AN APPEARANCE AND I MADE THIS JOKE TWICE NOW !

I hate it 😫

You know those sassy ads that pretend to be interactive but open a new tab instead? Well that's how they named their divs

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.

So I just proved myself that I hate going outside.

Sitting in front of my big fat desk is my comfort zone.