Looking for a job as a deveoper be like:

Job title: car driver

Job requirements: professional skills in driving normal- and heavy-freight cars, buses and trucks, trolley buses, trams, subways, tractors, shovel diggers, contemporary light and heavy tanks currently in use by NATO countries.

Skills in rally and extreme driving are obligatory!
Formula-1 driving experience is a plus.

Knowledge and experience in repairing of piston and rotor/Wankel engines, automatic and manual transmissions, ignition systems, board computer, ABS, ABD, GPS and car-audio systems by world-known manufacturers - obligatory!

Experience with car-painting and tinsmith tasks is a plus.

The applicants must have certificates by BMW, General Motors and Bosch, but not older than two years.

Compensation: $15-$20/hour, depends on the interview result.

Education requirements: Bachelor's Degree of Engineering.

When a hiring manager wants 5+ years experience in Swift.

Swift release date = June 2, 2014

😂👍🖕

"A different error message! Finally some progress!"

"It's just a tiny change in one function. What can go wrong? I don't need to test, I'm not that stupid to mess this up". Apparently I am. Pushed the changes, and the [Firefox] extension basically stopped working. Lost about 1.5k users in 2 days. Good times ;)

I accepted a job that requires coding in html, css, js and php and I don't code in those languages at all. Whoops.

not sure if sin or ...

My biggest dev sin is not writing any unit tests for devRant :/

Shit happens... but never let your shit go to far... specially while in production or drunk.

When your boss wants it done now but you're on vacation

Today I broke a record 🎉

..in the production database 😅

500 kbps hotel wifi my ass. I hijacked the smart TV's Ethernet connection and voila: 100mbps

This guy at my last internship. A windows fanboy to the fucking max!

He was saying how he'd never use anything related to Linus Torvalds because he hated him for creating Linux.

Two seconds later I saw him initializing a new git repo.

I was standing there like:

*should I tell him?*

😅😆

\(+_+)/

Colleague: "What is a pl file?"

Me: "Oh thats a perl script"

Colleague: "So how do I edit it?"

Me: "Just break out emacs and modify that perl script lol"

Colleague: " *Triggered* did you just assume my text editor preference"

Me:" -_- what year is this ??"

It's 2017 and you're not allowed to complain about syntax error bugs. Get a proper tool for the job.

We don't use rocks for hammers, and we don't use notepad for coding

"We are not a team big enough to need to do unit tests."

*sighs*

One of our clients deploy their own server app. So this happened after a prod deployment. (4am)

*Cellphone rings while sleeping*

Client : we need you on the conference call now. URGENT!

*Gets on conference call*
*Client explain the problem*
*Explaining to the client that the problem is in their side (https connection not working, either network or certificate problem)*
*Client doesn't believe it and pushes me for a fix that I have no control on*
*4 hours later in a heated conversation*

Client : ok problem is on our side. We used our SSL certificate from staging with production and thought it would work.

Me :

Hmm....

Quitting Google Chrome is so refreshing for my computer.

The cool thing about side projects is you can do whatever you want.

The shitty thing is you never complete whatever you want.

It's one of those afternoons...

The first one should be the answer

When you implement a feature by (primarily) deleting existing code...

Mom : My washing machine is not working.
Please fix it.
Me : I am a computer engineer.
Mom : You are an engineer though.
Me : That's not how it works.
.
.
.
2 hours and many YouTube tutorials later
Me : It's done.
Mom : Didn't I tell you you can do it.

I really appreciate that it's devRant, not dev_rant

Why not have a custom (500 line) JSON mapper... you know... fuck those auto mapping libraries out there...

PHP Superpowers!!!

soul mates in programming world.

If you have good eyes, list C# in your skills section.