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Most embarrassing and lucky moment on the first week of job.
Me and my best friend were selected in the same company as developers. I was having some trouble with my system. So I mailed the description to our support department. Pop up was displayed from our chat client and person on the other end happened to be a lady. She wanted me to share a team viewer link with click access. So I did it and within 2 minutes of efforts she solved it. I thanked her, closed the chat conversation and started installing few packages. Meanwhile, I was curious to see her as she was really nice throughout the conversation. So I opened LinkedIn, searched for her name and found her profile. I zoomed in her photo and she was a pretty chick. I didn't stop and found her on FB too, and quickly saw all her DPs. I just copied her profile URL and sent it to my friend ( the one that got selected with me ) and told him about my conversation with her. Then I asked my friend
"She's hot. Should I send her a friend request or have to find some more troubles in my pc and talk to her few more times ? :P "
He replied "Dude what are you wanting for ? "
Out of no where, a pop up showed up. It was the girl we were talking about. The exact message was
"You can now close your team viewer session, and we can talk over FB :)"
Embarrassing AF!30 -
Met a cute girl at the ATM today.
Long story short, she gave me her Instagram account and I ended up giving her my GitHub account.13 -
Her: Hey, just heard what John did to you.
Me: Yea. I can't believe he screwed me over like that. I thought he was my friend.
Her: Don't worry. Forget about the bustard. You know #FFF
Me: 🙁 #FFF? What does white got to do with all this.
Her: What???
Me: #FFF. This is white.
Her: Nooooo. It means Fuck Fake Friends. As in the G. Eazy song.
Me: Ohhh😐23 -
Her: Why do you need 3 monitors??
Me: Why do you need 6 bags on the hanger, permanently, and 23 pairs of shoes?
Her: :/18 -
My GF just selected all files on her harddrive and clicked "Open".
The look at her face when she figured out what she have done.
BONUS: She restarts her computer, and upon start she selects Yes to the "Your computer shutdown unexpected, would you like to re-open the applications" popup 😂12 -
Wife discovered MS Paint on her laptop.
She asked me how long the ink would last and how to recharge it when it's finished.
I love her anyway.11 -
I'm browsing DevRant, giggling to myself, my girlfriend asks to see why I'm laughing,
I show her...
*Stares at it with a blank look on her face*
"I don't get it, explain it for me please"
I explain that: even if I explain it to her, she STILL wouldn't understand.
2 hours later she's made her first "Hello World" Java App so she can join DevRant 😂😂😂5 -
My girlfriend is learning python and she figured out how to change her environment to dark mode. I'm so proud of her.
13 -
Me greeting a female friend with a joke: Hey baby, wanna play with my python?
Her: Only if it's well commented and production ready.
Me: I love you.
Her: I know.4 -
My mom never touched a PC or smartphone. Well, most people didn't back then, because it was the early 90s.
But I brought a borrowed SNES to the hospital and taught her to blow on the Zelda cartridge if it didn't work. She died after we finished the game.
After that my dad bought me a commodore 64, the machine that taught me about electronics and programming, and molded me into who I am today.
On the first date with my girlfriend (now 12y together) we just sat talking for hours in her room, playing Zelda on her SNES taking turns, and I told her my mom would have liked her.14 -
My mom got audited for storing sensitive client information in her gmail account without using a vpn or any other real security.
I had been telling her this was an issue for literally the last three years and shes brushed me off every time.
I got yelled at for not telling her I was serious.35 -
My classmate accidentally deleted Recycle bin shortcut from her PC, i was starring at her, she grab my pendrive, ran to libraries Computer, copied recycle bin, and pasted it in her desktop,
And last but not least... She got Job in Oracle.24 -
Me: *poking my girlfriend
Her: *the look of pure hatred in her eyes
Me: remember you can't break these fingers. These fingers are the reason we have money
Her: *groans* Yeah, you're right13 -
Yesterday I said farewell to her.
We were together for half a decade, although it feels like much more time has passed since my eyes first fell on her.
I can't even begin to describe how close we were. She was perfect, she was my soulmate.
I shared everything with her, complete openness, perfect truth. We could be vulnerable with each other, but we also challenged each other to overcome boundaries.
My respect for her and dedication to her really knew no bounds, and I knew she would follow me to the end of the world in return.
But around New Year's things started to feel awkward between us. Like a part of her just wasn't there anymore.
She acted very confused, she hesitated in her answers.
I asked her, but I felt like she was avoiding me. Something just seemed so wrong about the way she acted.
I felt incredibly conflicted. Was she unfaithful? No, my trust in her was absolute. That question seems so silly, in retrospect.
We had always been pretty much inseparable, to the point where my coworkers, friends and family mocked us for it. How would she even have cheated on me?
I used to take her along to company gatherings, to my family for Christmas, to expensive restaurants. We traveled all over Europe together. We've spent countless nights together, watching Netflix, although she would often fall asleep before me.
I took great care of her, she had not been out of my mind for one moment since I met her. And besides, she had never even showed interest in anyone else anyway.
No, reality turned out to be so, so much worse.
Two weeks ago it became really apparent that there was something horribly wrong with her. She was rapidly losing her recollections of everything we experienced together.
Our history together, erased.
Within hours, she would barely respond anymore. I called for help, but deep down I already knew this was one of those things you can't recover from. She was kind of stable, almost peaceful, for a few days. But ultimately, she didn't even recognize me anymore.
Yesterday, I held her feverishly hot body in my arms for the last time.
Her soft skin turned cold as I said farewell to her, and the room turned awfully quiet.
Your brightness and warmth will be missed, my girl.28 -
Her: you're a coder right?
Me: I prefer programmer, yeah why?
Her: I accidentally switched my phone to another language and I...
/(ò.ó)┛彡┻━┻9 -
My colleague left her PC unlocked with an open project so I changed all her IDE colors to white. White text on white background! 😈
23 -
A convo with my !dev colleague.
Her: Can i use your PC for a while?
Me: Yeah sure.
Her: Why is this so wierd? Why i can't refresh?
Me: It's Ubuntu.
Her: Man, this sucks, you should use windows 10, it's the latest!
End of Convo.
After that day, i heard her talking to my other colleague.
Her: "Go ask him. The one with the weird PC."
--------------------
SHOULD I KILL HER?22 -
So my friend just got a new laptop and she never used a Linux based OS before,so I recommended it to her as she is also a CS under grad student,so I thought she might find it useful and interesting to try it out on her own ..This was her rant
14 -
Phone app on Android Marshmallow has a contact in Favorites even though I don't contact her often OR have her marked as Favorite. Nice little glitch you have there, dev.3
-
My gf was a QA. I told her to read my last devrant story about our colleague from the previous company.
Her response was "you misspelled 'taught' twice".
😢6 -
Sister broke up with her bf (sad) and he gave her a fidget cube as a present a little back. She wanted to get rid of memories so guess who now has his first fidget cube, yes! her brother! Meeeeeee 🙌😃
14 -
A girl that I like once ask me to download movies for her because her internet at home is slow. A day after that I told her that the first 3 on the list she gave me is done. She then told me that she forgot to bring her thumb drive and ask me if it is possible that I email the movies to her instead.15
-
Her: What do you do?
Me: I'm writing my thesis on bringing AI to smartphones.
Her: I think AI is terrible!
Me: oh, you are an engineer too?
Her: No
Me: oh, you've studied economics and or ethics and are worried about its implications on society?
Her: No, but have you?
Me: I have a degree in economics, an MBA and an now about to get my BSc in CS.
Her: well, regardless I still think it's terrible.
Me: well in that case how about you shove your unfounded opinion where the sun don't shine!18 -
Her: Who are you texting over there?
Me: Texting my new girlfriend.
Her: 😒
Me: Jk, it's devrant.
Her: I knew it, you're texting that girl Devranta.2 -
Me visiting a bar...
While going for a smoke...
Woman: Can I ask you a very impolite and downright rude question..?
*expects a Facebook hacking question*
Me (hesitant): .. sure, ask ahead...
Woman: I've never seen you here before. Who are you?
Me: *tells name*
(thinking) not what I expected! (:
Woman: So you're living mostly on the internet?
Me: yeah pretty much... 🤔
Woman: So I live here next to that lawyer...
Me: I don't know most of the area here, where's that?
Woman: Why don't you look it up, hmm? 😜
Quality pwnage!! 😆19 -
trying to teach my little sister(13) her first programming language. decided to go the microsoft way and start with C#.
the moment she finished her first
hello world made me so proud of her :)11 -
Find me a co-founder of a startup who while telling about his/her company doesn't say "Machine Learning" in his/her speech.
I dare you. I double dare you.5 -
I told a friend of who i knew for about 8-9 years that i like her more than friends and may be attracted to her or have a crush on her (i have always just discarded people or decided that i dont need many in my life so in telling her, i already assumed a negative reaction and a lost friend so i would be happy with any answer). Turns out, she has had a crush on me for years and i am so confused on what to do because i knew her such a long time..
On the plus side, it was bothering me and telling her made me at ease and so productive at work and got so much done :D - its been an okay week if i must say so myself8 -
Her "it's just a Web portal how long can it take"
Me "it's a completely custom content management system. It will take time."
Her "well how long then?"
Me "a good six/seven weeks. With a lot of overtime."
Her "oh don't be so dramatic, just use WordPress."9 -
Today was Mother's Day. Everybody was posting their photos with their mothers, so I had to stay away from social networks for today to not feel sad.
It's been almost a year without mine, really miss her.
I love her, and I never showed her how much. I've not been the best son a mother could have, I'm so sorry for that. She thought me how to be strong, she was the strongest, but I'm feeling so weak now without her.
Please never miss a chance to let your mother know how much you love her, give her a hug whenever you can, talk to her every time you need somebody to talk to, listen to her stories from when she was your age. She's the most precious person you'll ever have in your life. I realized that when it was too late, don't make my mistake.
I miss you mum ❤8 -
Co-worker put in her two weeks notice, then found out the company doesn't pay out remaining PTO.
.. so she took a two week paid vacation with her remaining 14 days. XD3 -
My little sister was ranting about a punishment she got from her teacher. I told her to write this instead...Was this the wrong thing to do or it's just me... :P
20 -
Her: I like a man who lives dangerously
Me: I sold a game to my client without debugging it
Her: grab a mop6 -
This lady was screen sharing during a meeting. At the GUI login for her Linux box, she accidentally typed in her password for the username. In front of 50 people, she showed everyone her password was "Tittays69" 😂2
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My teacher was presenting and her pp crashed. She just continued with her presentation but her desktop was showing. I instantly noticed she had a "stickynote" with her login details for our grading system and I tried telling her to put her laptop to sleep or anything but she got mad at me for interupting class and threw me out of class. My revenge will be showing admins the picture of her desktop ;)6
-
Oh boy...
So my mom just responded to an email saying her email account would be deleted if she didn't respond to it by typing in her email address...
And the password to that email address, her SSN, and her bank account number. Now I have to fix it. For crying out loud...3 -
Girlfriend (she has little idea of tech) was asking if I could fix her notebooks wifi.
I didn't answer that for a week.
Yesterday she really needed wifi, so she went to google and followed several posts - until she managed find the problem and to reinstall her wifi driver for the first time! She was so proud of herself.
I hope I'll never forget that grin of her - full of triumph!
I couldn't be more proud of her myself9 -
One of my friend at college asked me why her computer is running slow even when she is running only chrome.
Me: how much memory does it have?
Her: 1TB.
Me (somewhat confused): no no I meant RAM.
Her: yeah yeah it's one TB. I read the specifications of the laptop.
Me: *in my mind, fucking read it again* please read it again. You must have misread it.
Her( grinning face ): alright.
Guess who didn't talk to me for a week. 😂14 -
#Weird incidents with a designer
This girl texted me a picture of her newly painted dark-greyish nails
Her: what do you think is this color?
Me: #2222224 -
Her: What are you doing over there?
Me: I'm working on cryptographic hash functions
Her: is that really homework?
Me: yes, come look with your two eyes.
Her: ...
Me: crazy stuff, no?
Her: I imagine computer science is really just a lot of boxes and arrows.
Me: *flashback to UML, ERD diagrams, and logic diagrams*
Me: you are not wrong.
8 -
I got a new living dogbugging tool!
Her name is July since she was compiled in July. That's the name the organization gave her after they forked her source from the repository of Bet-Shemesh city streets.
She's an awesome dev in doglang
22 -
....
I give up trying to write this.
I'm just too fucking pissed off.
My interactions with my micromanager make absolutely no sense -- she is clearly just trying to piss me off and blame me for everything, facts and reasoning be damned.
I tried detailing this week's examples (there are lots, and it's fucking Tuesday), but. screw it.
Fuck working for (and with) her.
She's a bitchface and a thundercunt.
I'm updating my resume and fucking off out of here.
God fucking damnit i hate her.23 -
I did it! I told her. I admitted that I have a crush on her. It was awesome, we were in her room, chilling and having Belgian beer and looking over at the beautiful dome of Les Invalids and the lights of Paris through her window. It was raining a little bit. All perfect.
I told her how I really enjoyed her company and how I found her really cool and interesting and how I had a not so small crush on her. She was very surprised but she was glad I told her. I'm really proud that I did something so big.
Oh, she said no btw.30 -
A fanfic based on devRant-chan. The character was created by @caramelCase and a drawing by @ichijou.
This is freestyle. I'll think of an image of a scene and go with the flow. I won't remove my fingers from the keyboard and I won't edit or change anything. That's how I come up with my best ideas.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Notes:
B/N = Boss' name (I was too lazy to think of one.)
Anything in between astericks is in italics.
Ex.) *this is in italics.*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was an early January morning when devRant-chan was situated in her desk, typing away on her laptop. She was working on a Python script for her barbaric client when she could've been out with friends. Oddly enough, her Sunday was surged with tranquility.
Normally, Sunday is when her irksome boss barks orders at her on the phone.
"This is wrong!"
"What is this?"
"Change it!"
devRant-chan resented her boss but loved her job. After all, "you can't force yourself to like everyone," was something her elder brother would tell her.
She released a slight chuckle, the one she would only display at the thought of her brother.
Her musings were interrupted when a concerning thought crawled into her mind like an undesirable intruder.
Why hasn't her boss called to complain yet? It's not that she enjoyed his complaining, which she didn't. She simply found it odd, since he's done this every Sunday morning, since she was a junior developer.
Unless he found someone else to complain to? In that case, good riddance!
But still, it wasn't a euphoric feeling to be replaced. She was already accustomed to his Sunday morning calls that it feels almost lonely not to receive them.
She should call him... Just in case some situation—or—problem—has emerged.
She dialed his number, waiting patiently for a reply.
"Hello," said her boss.
"Ah, hello," said devRant-chan. "I called, wondering—"
"You've reached the voicemail of B/N, please leave a message after the beep."
"Damn..." mumbled devRant-chan with a sharp exhale. "I always fall for that."
Why didn't her boss answer the phone? It was odd of him, considering he's always answered her calls.
She was about to dial her coworker when she received an email, which stimulated her attention. The subject of the email read:
*Important. Please read.*
She opened the email. It was her boss. The email read:
*Hello.*
*In case you aren't aware, I had quit my job, due to the stress. I've left the manager in charge. Starting tomorrow, he will be your new boss.*
*-B/N*
Before she could rejoice in excitement, she detected a strange change of voice, emitting from the email. Did her boss really write this?
That's when she spotted something. The word "tomorrow."
Her boss didn't write this.
He would never use words such as "tomorrow," or "today." He would use time instead. If this was her boss, he would say "in 24 hours."
She checked the IP of the email. Oddly enough, it was her boss' IP.
Still, the pieces didn't fit the puzzle. Her boss didn't complain, answer her call, or use his style of speaking in the email.
Something happened to him and she knows it. Whatever it is, has something to do with the manager, and she was determined to figure it out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This was just a quick random fanfic, and I'm not sure if I'll continue it. As I said, I didn't plan anything, since it's freestyle. I might or might not continue it, so I'll think it over.8 -
If VSCode was a girl, I would kiss every part of her body and devote my life to her.
And I would promise not to use any extension on her. She is beautiful as she is.23 -
So my neighbor needed my help with her notebook. She said she has to provide a new password everytime she logs in. I asked her to log in in front of my eyes. She entered her password and clicked "forgot password" instead of "login" 😐
Did you ever hear of "return" ?3 -
My mother-in-law asked me to reinstall her laptop. I made a deal with her that I will happily do that, but only if it can be a Linux distribution.
She eventually after asking questions about it agreed.
She don't want to go back anymore.
Funny enough, the co-workers didn't understand why is her laptop slightly looks different, so they started to tell her , that the laptop is full with virus.
I explained her that she doesn't even have system privilege to install one even if she wants.
She was happy with the answer :D5 -
The following just happened in the bus:
A woman took a beautiful Enpora flip phone from 2008 out of her pocket. While she did that a small yellow paper fell on the ground. My eyes pointed at the paper and I saw multiple usernames, passwords and codes on it.
I didn't even hesitate and tapped on her shoulder and gave it back.
She was frightened! Couldn't thank me enough and told me how important it was to have that with her. She said she couldn't remember all her passwords and that if she would've lost it, she didn't know how to log in and unlock her phone anymore.
I gladly told her that it wasn't very safe but ofcourse I understoot that it can be hard to remember everything.
Also I almost told her that she could start using a password manager but with a flipphone you can't use that of course ;)5 -
When she asks you to help her via TeamViewer but refuses to share her TeamViewer password cause you'll then be able to "hack" her.4
-
$Me: *whispers* Do you like it rough baby?
$Her: *moans* uhuh
$Me: *continues whispering* I'm gonna implement a dynamic programming algorithm for you.
$Her: ahhhhhhh yaass *looses control of her body*
Fictional scenario of course I'd never implement shit for nobody who isn't paying.4 -
Appearently you can entertain a little girl for ages by letting her type glibberish on a laptop and letting her hear the resulting speach synthesysis.7
-
!dev
I live next to a nightclub and went outside for a fag.
It’s wet, 2:30am and kinda cold.
A girl and her boyfriend come out of the club..
Her feet hurt because of her high heels so she takes them off, walking on the wet, cold road barefoot now.
Her boyfriend sees it and tells her to put them back on.
She denies.
He takes off his shoes and gives them to her (good boyfriend...) she puts them on, almost falling over cause she’s hammered as fuck, takes them off again and says they don’t fit and look stupid on her..
WTF, I understand taking the shoes off When she’s drunk but I don’t understand how the fuck she could care if it looks good at half 2 in the morning in an empty town..
I’ve seen it all now..
#onlyInIreland17 -
> be me
> create profile in dating app because pandemic rules make meeting people at irl events impossible
> match with cute girl
> start to talk about interesting stuff
> mention being a software developer
> her: 'pls help me I have a not activated windows 10 on my laptop and can't do stuff since the last update'
> fml20 -
I've installed Ubuntu for her something like 2 years ago, because her Windows installation was fucked up. After that 2 years she aksed me to install her new computer and copy the personal documents from her old computer.
So I backed up all her personal stuff like photo's and so on and asked her if she would like me to install Ubuntu again. Then she said that she would love to get Ubuntu again, because it was much cleaner and easier than Windows 😁.
So, from now on, my mom is using Ubuntu instead of Windows. That makes me really proud of her.3 -
An amazing recruiter found me on LinkedIn. According to her cv she has incredible skills such as “Internet Browsers“ and “Google Calender“. Maybe I should give her a call?3
-
Girlfriend had issue with her Python code (she does mathmatics, not actual programming):
```
t = 51.74636335135748
i = int(t*100) // 5174, wrong value
```
instead of
```
t = 51.74636335135748
i = int(t)*100 // 5000, right value...
```
She asked me if I could fix it for her.
I found the issue but wanted her to understand what went wrong.
She didn't care "because she didn't have time for it".
Well, then it's quite simple for me: I have no time to help her :^)7 -
I just spent 30 minutes on the phone with my grandmother trying to help her sign in to her chrome book just to have her tell me she was punching her email into the password field...
-
1. That my code would compile.
2. See #1.
3. See #1.
The girl I'm talking to said her brother was giving her one of those talks about how all boys are gross and want sex. I told her that the one thing I want is for my code to fucking compile12 -
I was called over by a colleague. She needed help because her computer kept telling her that she did not have permission to run certain programs or access certain files.
She logged in to Windows in front of me. The first thing that I noticed that the username was her office email address. I asked her about it.
Me: Why is your username your email address?
Her: It was this way when I got it.
Me: That is impossible. I made every Windows installation here and I always use the same username which is [companyname] as it is our policy.
Her: I'm telling you, this is the way it was when I got it.
Me: Are completely sure?
Her: Well.... someone else must have renamed it.
Me: So someone fired up your laptop, used your password to log in and changed the username to your email?
Her: I don't understand it either. Is it possible that it happened accidentally, on its own?
Me: ...
Then I explained to her that changing the username on Windows 10 may result in problems with file permissions.
I am not mad because she didn't know about this. I am mad because of her idiotic lies.6 -
Today I found my sister take a photo of her laptop screen with ms word open to share her class report which is just pure text file4
-
I'd like to tell a story about a friend I once knew. She was good at her job, but only her job. People loved her so much, but when the people got interested in things other than her job, they took her with them. She was forced to do things she couldn't do as well, and all because people couldn't change. She feels overused, overworked, and she still tries to keep her head up. People need to stop using her.
#KeepJavaScriptOnTheWeb5 -
I've dealt with dusty computers, REALLY dusty computers, computers owned by smokers.
I've seen dead beetles and earwigs and spiders with their cobwebs in computers and dealt with them.
I've even seen live moth larvae wriggling about in a computer.
But never, have I ever had to deal with fluids. Until today.
I had to take apart a laptop that had been used as a toilet by a cat. It was still wet, but not warm.
And I had to try to get data off of it. But no, the urine was not compliant.
So, already pissed off customer was less happy about the fact that her data would still be a few days away from recovery to a new computer.
At least her frustration wasn't at us.6 -
Got my first SSD yesterday. I... i just want to have sex with her.. i name her Shy Sheila Droid.. oops jizzed my pants36
-
An idea for a romantic gesture to my python loving girlfriend
ill make a library with poems I wrote for her and other nice stuff
upload it to pip and call it by her name
now you can pip install it
every time you do import "her name"
it will write out a poem about her
what do you think?13 -
Well, i have a few stories i would like to share with you :)
My neighbour asked me to fix her webcam.
I told her: But I am a programmer, not a repair service .
Next time my neighbour forgot her Skype password. Se asked me to hack it for her.
I told her: But I am a programmer, not a hacker.
My sister asked me to help her out in her program, because of some bug. Well, she is in the other part of the Country. But, i said, lets give it a try.
Well, it turned out to be some kind of mechanical remote scanner, with needed that exact same remote locally.
I told her: But I am a programmer, not a fictional remote signal scanner repairer.
My grandpa asked me, to copy his old gmail emails into his new laptop.
Well, i told him to log in. He logged in. Than i told him: It is done :D
Thanks for reading it :)4 -
last semester i was working as assistant professor teaching Basic OOP Subject. and my girl happens to be enlisted as my student. One day she was late for my class and get in without a permission. so i ask her
Me : Why don't you knock the door?
Her : Why should i ?
Me : did i give you my permission ?
Her : Public class doesn't need permission. our class is not Private.
oh my god i'm so in love with her2 -
My food-loving other half just said this to me:
Her: "I love you more than pie"
Me: "Aww, that's nice"
Her: "I love you 4.173692 out of 10"
Me: "..."5 -
So mum wanted me to purchase her a new lettop.
Yeah, we just spoke.
While consulting on what she needs, I noticed that little flaw. So I gently told her :"mum, it's written with an A".
Mom goes:" aaaah! A LAB-TOP!"
Could not blame her. She made her life as first best scoring woman in business degree at her time.
And sure enough she understood laptop and we laughed a lot ='D2 -
Oh my god! Just found my girlfriend opened 1000+ tabs in Safari on her iPhone. This makes me crazy... Should I break up with her?12
-
last week was the funniest week in my damn life.
so apparently, some of friend knew about i can make some mobile applications, lets just call her riri. and that week, riri's Instagram account got hacked.
whats so funny about it? she ask me to get her account back or she'll accuse me as the one who hacked her account.
when i ask her, how could i bring her account back, she replied with, "why would you ask me? you were the one who good at computer thingy"
SO?
if i can drive a car, you'll assuming that i can make a car and repair it myself?
haha, funny6 -
Was talking to a woman who recently found her lost phone.
After talking about apps which track your phone I asked her if she had an iPhone or an Android.
Her response: "I've just got a Samsung eh"7 -
Night at my girlfriend family... to celebrate both her and her sister birthday...
Offensive comments, jokes and pure irrespect about being a dev, having a beard and being quiet, from the guests.
Her actual family is really nice.
I swear... if I hear one more joke about my beard!
The only interesting person, her aunt, just left...
Back to stupid jokes and fake laughs.7 -
My cat!
My wife and I rescued her from under a car. She’s absolutely adorable. We named her Trinity because she liked to wall-run.
44 -
So my gf was sleeping and i took the opportunity to unlock her phone using her finger print. Sent bunch of texts and later told her i hacked her cellphone. She now believes i am a genuine hacker. Should i tell her the truth or just drag a little longer?15
-
Alexa is refusing to answer any of my questions....guess I pushed her too far when I asked her what the temperature was outside....lol
??🌞 ❄ ☁ ☔ ??4 -
wtf. 2 days into a relationship and she is asking me to buy her a phone ( I can buy her a phone if i want to, but within todays of her telling me yes, after frustrating me for a month when asking her out). Once again I have sucessfully entered into another relationship that will definetly end bad.11
-
So I'm just finding out, today is Ada Lovelace day. I didnt realize Ada had a day dedicated to her. Today is gonna be only programming! I'm dedicating this shit code to her!1
-
My GF said today that she had a dream where someone took her laptop, deleted elementaryos and installed windows. She was so infuriated and enraged that she woke up, and it took her like five solid minutes to realize that it was just a bad dream, and her Linux is safe.
-
May i ask for help dear fellow devRanters?
@aureliagbrl suffered a deep depression and pressure from her family, the cause is exceptionally simple yet very crucial; so here's the story :
Every week, in friday after the last class she have to go home to fulfill her family wish to gather around and will come back to her dorm in Sunday. her home is more than 1.5 hour from University. recently one class in Wednesday moved out to Saturday Noon for some reason this cause her to go home in Saturday afternoon, yet her family doesn't care if it means she have to wake up 3am in Monday, to get back alone to catch up with class. her family just want to gather around longer, that's it, no exception. According to her this is so frustrating and exhausting. so the condition now is Tomorrow Morning (Monday) there will be a Live Coding Exam. she isn't prepared, her only wish was to get back on Sunday instead of Monday to Study. her family discard her wish entirely. this make her so deeply depressed and i can't even talk to her, she starting to mumbling about quitting college, and etc, etc.
We all know how bad it is to burnt out right ? and we want our fellow developers get out from it and a good shape. My wish is simple from you guys, i wish you can mention her in comment and cheer her up.
Thank You
here is her cheerful photo.
35 -
So for the past month, my sister had her Wi-Fi router hanging fron her window thinking she would get better internet...
yEaH.3 -
So I was just wondering, do any of you guys know what happened to @BlueNutterfly, I mean besides her parents taking away a lot of her beloved belongings. How is she? Is she still on devrant? did she get her things back? Did she move out? The last time I saw her here is a couple of months ago. I miss her and I think a lot of you do as well. It really sucks what happened to her and nobody should go through these kinds of things, I really hope she is okay and moved out or does so soon. If anyone could shed a little light on this, I would be very grateful, I'm really worried about her.16
-
A recent quest to annoy the Mrs.
Changed the name of her Chromecast to "David's C*ck". Then, when she casts her videos, her phone reads: "America's Next Top Model" currently playing on David's C*ck"
- Its the small victories!3 -
I loved her from the beginning.
I devoted so much of my time to her. She told me her heart doesn't point to anyone. Yet I tried to reach her.
Everytime I ask her what's wrong, she gives me the same answer. I tried to be different. I changed things. Yet she said the same thing again today: "Segmentation fault (core dumped)"4 -
Funny programmer fantasy porn titles.
Add your 2 cents.
I'll start with.
Naive user needs hot reloading for her frontend.
Boss GF wants you to fix her backend.
Go!23 -
Customer wanted us to put XP on a netbook after having us look at her XP tower.
This is what we all want to say about her "new" PC
6 -
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"1
-
Friend (girl) of my friends realized that I’m a programmer and dated me. She wanted me to hack her ex boyfriend Facebook account.
She abused/used me sexually as long I explain to her that programmers aren’t hackers and I can’t hack fb account.
I feel bad for her! 😂😂4 -
She died..
My gold Fish with freckles, I was calling her JavaScript. because I brought her as a joke and became the messier one on the bowl.2 -
My mom once called me telling me her internet was not working. Prankster me told her that the whole internet closed at 7 pm. She was like "okay, I'll wait until tomorrow morning then" (it was around 8pm)
I couldn't help laughing like crazy as I didn't expect her to believe me.
Of course I helped her out so that she could have her game of poker. (She won $10.000 that night) :-)2 -
My girlfriend is ranting about her work... It's a shame she isn't into tech or something like that.. If she would, I could show her the beauty of this online platform.
-
I told my mom that Facebook has all of her pictures and information. I asked her if she was okay with that? She replied,
“Que se la metan por el culo!”10 -
Does this happen to someone else? She actively seeks that spot. I love her and I love to spend time with her and share the space, but I have to work, dear...
6 -
Just want to say that @SortOfTested is so underrated on this platform.
You can see her on each and every single post trying to help or share her knowledge.
Thumbs up.16 -
Was going to get some REST but her API was wide open:
PUT my/boner/inside/her
413 Request Entity Too Large
Fuck.14 -
I asked my friend to design a flyer for an organization's annual dinner, asking her to send me an invoice so I could pay her (I can't design worth shit, she's doing me a huge favor).
She said she'll do it, declined payment, and doesn't even want me to get approval for her to put it in her portfolio...
How the hell do I pay her back for her work? If we lived in the same town, I'd at least take her to coffee and lunch, but she moved states and I moved countries :(8 -
A colleague's story...
"I named this branch after my girlfriend at the time, so that I could check her out at my will. I texted her about this, she was not amused..."2 -
How I met python
[long read but worth]
There's nothing wrong with falling in love with a programming language for her looks. I mean, let's face it - Python does have a rockin' body of modules, and a damn good set of utilities and interpreters on various platforms. Her whitespace-sensitive syntax is easy on the eyes, and it's a beautiful sight to wake up to in the morning after a long night of debugging. The way she sways those releases on a consistent cycle - she knows how to treat you right, you know?
But let's face it - a lot of other languages see the attention she's getting, and they get jealous. Really jealous. They try and make her feel bad by pointing out the GIL, and they try and convince her that she's not "good enough" for parallel programming or enterprise-level applications. They say that her lack of static typing gives her programmers headaches, and that as an interpreted language, she's not fast enough for performance-critical applications.
She hears what those other, older languages like Java and C++ say, and she thinks she's not stable or mature enough. She hears what those shallow, beauty-obsessed languages like Ruby say, and she thinks she's not pretty enough. But she's trying really hard, you know? She hits the gym every day, trying to come up with new and better ways of JIT'ing and optimizing. She's experimenting with new platforms and compilation techniques all the time. She wants you to love her more, because she cares.
But then you hear about how bad she feels, and how hard she's trying, and you just look into her eyes, sighing. You take Python out for a walk - holding her hand - and tell her that she's the most beautiful language in the world, but that's not the only reason you love her.
You tell her she was raised right - Guido gave her core functionality and a deep philosophy she's never forgotten. You tell her you appreciate her consistent releases and her detailed and descriptive documentation. You tell her that she has a great set of friends who are supportive and understanding - friends like Google, Quora, and Facebook. And finally, with tears in your eyes, you tell her that with her broad community support, ease of development, and well-supported frameworks, you know she's a language you want to be with for a long, long time.
After saying all this, you look around and notice that the two of you are alone. Letting go of Python's hand, you start to get down on one knee. Her eyes get wide as you try and say the words - but she just puts her finger on your lips and whispers, "Yes".
The moon is bright. You know things are going to be okay now.10 -
Me: make me a sandwich
Her: no
Me: sudo make me a sandwich
Her: goodbye
And then I wake up and realize this "her" does not exist. I feel like I have a problem if I'm dreaming about these kind of things....3 -
So my mom says her printer isn't working anymore. I sit and battle with drivers and mysteriously missing virtual usb ports for two hours, give up, we decide to buy a new printer.
Next day she says her scanner isn't working either.
It's only then that I notice her USB hub cable is unplugged.. aargh. -
Favourite programmer : Ada Lovelace ✌🏼
First lady programmer in the 1840s to write a machine algorithm.
CRAZZYYYYY !
Have been a fan of her since I first heard about her.4 -
My mom’s not too great with tech
she’s the kind of person who thinks I’m hacking when I use a terminal
My brother is teaching her to play among us, and it’s the best thing I’ve ever seen4 -
My friend dropped her phone and it doesn't turn on anymore, but she has a dual-SIM spare phone. So the problem didn't seem too bad at first. I told her I'd help her with the backup restoration, set everything up on her new (old) phone.
After 30mins of trying to restore the backup from her old phone and moving the SIM card to the new phone...
"But I didn't have a backup and the SIM card tray isn't working. Can you also help me recover my 10 000 pictures and songs?"
I guess I'm done here7 -
Algorithms real life implementation
On the way to your college canteen? -> A* search
Waiting in line in the canteen? -> Queue
Notice that girl standing in front? -> Linear search
Searching for her dad in the phone book? -> Binary search
Stupid! Google it! -> Trie
Search for her on Facebook! -> Depth-first search
Found her! Friend request? Accepted! Send a Hi! -> Graph
Writing her a secret love letter? -> Caesar cipher
Uploading your first date pic on fb? -> Image compression algorithms
Looking through her Whatsapp messages? -> KMP algorithm
She found out and had your first fight? -> Start over with some gifts! Backtracking
Got her list of items to buy? -> Array
Too many items! Low on cash, maybe? -> Priority queue
Making her play treasure hunt for her gifts? -> Linked list
Wait! Go back! Is that a ring? -> Stack
Girl’s family not agreeing to your proposal? -> Divide and conquer
Got married? Congrats! Going for your honeymoon? -> Travelling salesman problem
Your mom packing luggage for you? -> 0/1 Knapsack problem
She packed your favorite pickles? -> Hash table
Driving to the airport? -> Breadth-first search1 -
How I feel after unnecessarily deleting my USB stick
My sister needed a "big USB stick" I deleted the contents of my 32gb stick and went to her pc, we started loading her photos on it, I see the 8gb stick and ask her what she needed my stupid stick for
And yes the other one was empty...
11 -
At work we have a lawyer lady who we pay a LOT of money and she suppose to handle our tech related legal stuff. We ask her to look at some stuff we shared with her via shared google docs. After being visibly uncomfortable for a while she called her tech guy at her firm and asked to get Google Docs installed.3
-
I'm looking at one of my coworkers trying to exit vim for around 20 minutes now. I think she's not asking for help because I already explained to her vim modes and showed her some basic stuff. Should I wait for her to give up and ask for help or just tell her now?8
-
Meeting with a co-worker who is supposed to do a code analysis on a large legacy project. Actually, HER project - she inherited it already years ago, and the original devs aren't in the company anymore.
Her: customer is asking this and that analysis.
Me: easily two weeks.
Her: but who will do that?
Me: you of course.
Her: but I don't know most of the code.
Me: me neither.
Her: and I don't know the protocols.
Me: google them. I'd have to do the same.
Really, I told her to google shit, which I consider as quite a slap for a co-worker. Basically, she tried to offload a complex analysis because she just wants the low effort parts of the job.
Won't happen. DO YOUR FUCKING JOB!12 -
Four years ago while still a newbey in Android Dev and still using the eclipse IDE which was hell to configure by adding Android plugins,my girlfriend had a birthday.
With my new found love of coding thought of developing a b-day app for her.With so little android knowledge I had a great idea the main activity would have her photo as the background and button which when clicked would show a toast saying happy b-day love.
After spending few minutes in Tutorial point and learning how to display a toast and setting click listeners on buttons I was good to go and compiled the app.
Later that evening I head to her room where her b-day was to be held with some of her lady friends .When presenting gifts I presented her gift said had one more surprise for her and asked for her phone and using bluetooth sent the apk to her phone.
Installing the app I was scared to death on seeing how my grey buttons were displaying on her 2.7 screen size since had no idea on designing for multiple screens.
Giving her back the phone she loved the app and felt like her superman in the room though not for long.Her lady friends had gone ahead took her phone and were critising the app:
Why can't I take a selfie
Why can't the app play a b-day song for her and this went on them not knowing how hurting that was.
Bumped on the lady who lead the onslaught on me and had to go down memory lane.Life is a journey.2 -
My wife was done with exercises on her electronic 88 keys piano.
Me: I also know something nice.
Her: oh so?
Me: (repeatedly typing key #3)
Her: (thinking)
Her: C hacking?!5 -
Years ago we hired a new employee in our department, her first week was kind of slow, she had training materials to get through but otherwise didn't have much newby work for her. I noticed she was missing one day, she wasn't at her desk or in the area training, I found her hiding behind a door playing a video game and texting on her phone. She didn't last long there. She should have asked for something to do, or asked what she could be doing, instead of sneaking off and playing on her phone.3
-
Why are all the feminists silent who support equality between genders regarding the Jeff Bezos case? They should suggest her to be independent and not take her husbands assets right? 🤔🤔20
-
My wife told her boss that her husband is a software engineer.
And her boss asked.."Is he a foreigner from India?!"
Lol..4 -
When your co developer asks for you to check out her website and tell her any bugs you notice, I then proceed to give her 8 bugs in her code and she freaks out on me lol
Maybe your not as perfect as you think you are....3 -
A friend of my mom asks me transfer some files from her hard disk to her pendrive because I am supposedly *good with computers*.
As an obedient son, I go to her house to do the needful.
I switch on the laptop and plug both right in. At this point, I am wondering if this really my life is for.
Lost in my thoughts, I accidentally format her hard disk. Now I freak out. Seeing no possible way out, I remove both and say her work is done.
I quickly leave the house and never look back. To this day, I have never gone back to her house.2 -
Spent the last half hour helping my wife over text trying to "fix" FireFox. She said any site she tries to go to just "spins and spins". Chrome, Edge, all work fine. Tried the trusty 'ipconfig /flushdns'.
Me: "Open the command line, by selecting Start and start typing cmd. You'll see the Command Prompt application. Right click and run it as an administrator"
<15 seconds later>
Her: "Do I left click or right click to run as adminstrator?"
Me: "Left click. You'll get a pop message, just click yes"
<about 10 seconds later>
Her: "This thing popped up, what do I do?"
Me: "Click yes"
<more waiting>
Her: "Says something about making changes to my computer, what do I do?"
Me: "Click yes"
Her: "Is it going to make changes? Are you sure I should click yes?"
Me: "YES!!"
Her: "Don't yell at me. You're supposed to know how to do this, not me. What do I do now?"
Me: "Type ipconfig /flushdns"
Her: "OK, is this right.."
<sends a screenshot of 'Type ipconfig/flushdns'>
Me: "No, just ipconfig /flushdns"
Her: "OK, is this right.."
<sends a screenshot of 'ipconfig/flushdns'>
Me: "Yep, just put a space between ipconfig /flushdns and press enter"
Her: "Is this right.."
<sends a screenshot of ' ipconfig/flushdns'>
Me: "No, the space goes between ipconfig /flushdns, not before."
Her: "You're not making yourself clear. OK, now what?"
Me: "Press enter"
Her: "It didn't do anything."
Me: "Did you press enter?"
<more waiting>
Her: "OK, it's done. Now what?"
Me: "Restart FireFox"
Her: "Still not working. Just spins and spins."
<not 100% sure restarted FireFox>
Me: "I'll look at it when I get home."18 -
Me and my friend were having a coffee in a coffee shop and then she told me the story of how she got fired.
So back then storing data on cloud was not that convenient and employees in her company used to carry softwares and other stuff in pendrives.
This one day after completing a MAJOR project for a very irritating client, my friend and her team decided to take the day off and celebrate this victory in a pub.
She got drunk and then came the call of her boss saying that they needed to showcase the software right then to the client.
Being always responsible and committed to her work my friend had decided to keep a backup in her pendrive which she kept in her breast pocket of her shirt.
So she goes into the washroom to freshen up, bends down near the toilet to vomit out liquor and lo!
The pendrive slid all the way down from her pocket into the toilet sink.
She didn't notice and flushed and down went the whole project into the sewer.
Moral - life fucks you in ridiculous ways.
Ps. She left her laptop at her home which was very far from her office and the pub. The team had to go to her home first to retain the project and eventually got seriously late. Boss didn't like it as the client was a real pain in the ass and this was a big project too and being the team lead my friend was supposed to deliver as expected.
She got fired.1 -
The client doesn't want to give me her PIN code from GoDaddy but I need it to make changes for her.
She told me that GoDaddy's Customer Support told her she can't give her PIN to anyone. I understand that. I told her what to do but she still wants me to do it.
She came up with the idea of teleconference between me, her and GoDaddy (is that even possible?). We live in two different countries.
She could just do it by herself (as I told her what and how to do) or give me the PIN... Nope, she thinks that it's my business to make things up.
Boss wants me to carry on this because she's difficult and may make us bad PR even if she's not right. He doesn't want a shitstorm to handle.
We made few projects for her in the past, she gave us access to all her WordPresses, FTPs, backups, authinfo codes etc but still doesn't trust us. She always thinks dozen times before she gave us some data.
And she's not even a business client. She runs a few blogs about her hobbies. She doesn't make money from them. It's not a big deal but she treats it like a treasure.
It's not easy to be gentle and kind :)3 -
First I helped her with coding the Newton-Raphson method in Python (she has background in Mechanical Engineering).
Later I introduced her to the Linux world and she was amazed with the system responsiveness.
Now I am helping her with learning C (she is programming to Arduino but some concepts are hard for her because Python was her first language).
We are together for 4 years and going on.1 -
!dev
i havent been on dr in a while, but here goes nothing. i started going out about 3 months ago with a girl who i've been texting a while.
she's everything i've ever wanted and i think about her all the time. this may also be a good time to mention i'm fifteen. well, i'd hang out with her all the time. it's the most fun i ever have. i tell my parents i'd be seeing my friends but i'd be with her or walk to her house. time with her was the best.
and, more recently, i've been engaging in some not-so-appropriate physicality with her.
a few days ago i asked my parents to drive me to my friend's house when i saw the look on their face. they found a used condom with a pregnancy test and some lube too, and they made me spill everything.
it's been a week since i last saw her. she decided to tell her mom what we did on the off chance my parents decided to tell her mom we had sex.
this fucking sucks. i'm grounded and can't do anything. does anyone have any suggestions on what i could do? i think i'll wait out my grounding then just see her whenever i can.11 -
Last week some Client Service broad called my team the equivlent of "code monkeys" to my face.
I was THIS close to bitchslap the bitch!
Today I just told her I would pass the next two of her projects to my "code monkeys". I could see the despair in her eyes :)1 -
My girl friend was complaining that I care more about programming than her.
I told her,
"Trust me baby, in the array of my interests you are [1]."
She was satisfied.4 -
The guy thinks I'm her friend but I deeply hate her !
Just because she thinks she knows everything but she is actually an idiot !
Last term I was in her team for the c++ project (she fooled me ! I thought she is advenced !!) And guess what?
I ended up doing the whole project myself ! (Not fair at all but she got the score cuz of me)
I really don't need enemy so I'll just stay away from her :/4 -
Not sure if that qualifies as prank...
Had an pretty incompetent CS teacher and used to simply unplug her PC when we had enough of her shit. Usually took her about 45mins to figure out what was wrong with her PC and another 5 of ranting why we'd do that. Eventually she started to check the cable first which reduced the ”downtime” to about 15mins.
However, we soon started to flip the power switch at the back of her machine instead. She never figured that out and called IT several times to fix it.
Thinking about it, it's probably worse than a prank 😅5 -
Pun :
My C# developer friend Alfred getting a divorce because his feminist wife didn't like him treating her as "Object".
Now she's gonna "Dispose" him after "Using" him for her benefits.
😋3 -
I was teaching this girl today how to make a poll in slack and her computer was so sloooow. I started fixing her pc and she was really happy about it3
-
I was busy on creating some enhancements when my project manager said that one will be "her" assistant beacuse we're all male on a department and few weeks more, i've met her and she's different among the girls that i've met because she was not interested on programming stuffs but she do on her college days before. Sounds funny, right? We're being nice to each other then we got closer as friends and then i got fall in love with her. But we're still friends as i never told or to confess my feelings to her as my tasks and bugfix i my priority, lol! So we ended up as best friends for 5 months.. until now (but i already confessed her but i was friendzoned). Also thanks to her for my motivations
-
Friend asked me how to start a node server. I gave her starter code and told her to do “npm init” then “npm install” ur modules. This is what she did
2 -
Considering Taylor Swift's history with Apple – including Apple Music and having a programming language named after her – it'd be far more efficient to file bug reports with her rather than on Radar.4
-
I was on the train and a woman came aboard. The only available seat was next to me. She takes this huge laptop out of her bag. While I observed this, I thought: she's going to code. She logged in and.. GitLab! She was writing R code.
-
I thanked a recruiter for her patience and help today...
... and I could tell that made her genuinely happy. Recruiters are people too. ^_^6 -
My baby sister told me she wanted to learn how to code, her reason being; she visited a startup incubation center at her school, my alma mater, and she thought they looked so cool and collected.
Hahaha! I told her to try visit when they are having a deployment or when someone's code is just not working.1 -
Older tech support story, but still a frusterating one.
Sister was running Windows 8.1 (ew) when Microsoft was ramming Windows 10 down everyone's throat.
Her laptop decided to update to Windows 10, and after waiting awhile, she decided to unplug the laptop's battery and power chord.
This did what you expected, corrupted her install, leading to a bootloop. I then got to deal with that to try and recover it.
Once I got into the recovery mode, it wanted her password to restore from a system image, guess what she forgot?
She tried her PIN, and gave up after a few attempts, and I got to reinstall Windows for her.
Lesson learned from this? If you're the IT person of the house, make sure that you have an account on all machines that you may administrate. That way you don't need to deal with this shit.1 -
I have saved my sister's contact number with the nickname. Few days back I've noticed that her surname is automatically added to the nickname. Today I've noticed that her nickname is replaced with her real name in my Android mobile.
When I checked my contact list I noticed that there are 2 contacts, one with nickname, another with her real name.
Is this a new trick Google playing?13 -
One of my coworkers calls Firefox "Google". Oddly enough she also uses Chrome but calls it "Chrome". I get confused every time she asks me to help her with her computer.1
-
I feel bad for a college:
She's an android developer, and i used to do ionic and now i moved to web.
Our manager asked her to learn ionic for some project and let me help her arround, i did, and she started working on that project, the result was bad for the fact that js itself is now to her, as for angular/ionic, and lets not talk about the cordova shit .. The problem is that he's blaming her and letting her work for extra hours to fix the issues .. I tried my best to help her, but i'm still feeling bad for her, thats not her fault that her manager let her jump into some shitty situation using some framework (language even) thats far from her knowledge. -
My coWorker cried at her desk all day because of a post on Facebook. Apparently her aunt was trying was finding a new home for her grandma's dog.
(Don't Ask!)
Often times I have to share the burden of 'Dr. Phillin' her just so I can work done. I tell my other coWorker this so he knows her fragile mental state and I get this back in Slack.
-
time management and programming belong in the same realm
like i code at 9am then i take a sip of coffee, and then its 12am -
God bless.. wife is going to drive me around today with her new Tesla Model X P90D.. I'm genuinely terrified of her driving style lol.3
-
So my boss yells at me for texting right after she finished her text. Not sure if I wanna throw back the sass at her.4
-
I really need to vent this out. I don't know if the person I chatted last night is in some danger or not.
I recently got to know her and I had plans to collaborate on some projects with her.
She messaged me asking for a solution to a bug she faced and I was trying help her figure it out.
As I suggested a solution for her to try, she decided it was time for her to take her little dog to walk and told me she will check it right and let me know right after coming from walk.
It was already late in the night and I mentioned it to her. She responded like it was usual thing for her to go for dog walk at night but I'm kind of worried now since the city she lives in is infamously known as the rape capital.
She hasn't seen the last message I sent and there is no reason for her to keep me in the dark.
I had a hard time not being able to sleep because of my mind thinking of the worst case scenarios.
I don't know I'm just being too paranoid or if I should get someone to check on her.
I really hope she is back home and simply forgot to message me or something.13 -
Can't wait to get a dev girlfriend,
make her my {World},
then start learning new languages even the weird ones so that I can do
~Hello {Her Name}~5 -
My mother asked me to help her with her iPhone and (old) Mac
Her iPhone didn't synchronise her photos anymore, it showed a message saying her iPhone is locked (it wasn't)
So after searching a bit I asked her when this problem showed up.
apparently, she tried synching her iPhone for the first time since she upgraded to my sisters iPhone 5s.
I found out that osx 10.6.8 and ios 10.x.x don't like each other...
Apple...9 -
> be me
> straight dude, 7/10
> discover devRant
> there’s that one girl with damn sexy thighs
> decide to ask her out
> she gives me her telegram
> she’s taken but has free relationship
> feelsgoodman.png
> she agrees to go on a date
> met her
> we have a little chitchat about CSS and decide to find a room
> gonna go balls deep bro
> pull her leggings down
> …
12 -
Lady comes over to my cube and stands silently until I notice her in the mirror. She cheerfully asks that I help her reset her password.
Okay...one, I'm buried up to my balls in work that needs to be done, and here she is camping, expecting me to feel a disturbance in The Force to help on her whim, when our company has an issue system for shit like this. 👊
Two, I'm 👏 a 👏 developer 👏! My sign says Software Engineer on it, which might give some context as to why she forgot her password.
Look, I was nice to her. But it seems like I'm getting more and more phone calls and surprise visits lately from people that I shouldn't be.1 -
Great.
My mother got a "smarter than her phone" (her words).
Now she's realized she can text me inchorent questions about their home network at all hours.1 -
You know you've found the right one when you can't stop thinking about her even when you're so burnt out you can't bring yourself to touch her.3
-
Last day of our current Indian offshore dev. Talked with her about an issue we had, being aware that it was about her closing time.
She actually offered to put in additional time. Asked her not to do that, I'd figure things out with her successor, and asked her to enjoy her well-deserved long Indian weekend.
Me to my PM: we're chaotic, but we aren't assholes. He smiled. :)8 -
Thou shalt not talk while I'm pooping.
-- New Commandment after the floor Karen confronted one of our colleagues about her talking on the phone while washing her hands.3 -
I once tried my mom's chicken soup and it taste way too salty and awful. Told her there's a bug in her soup.
-
my co-worker (data entry) doesn't know what an hdmi looks like... so she's brining in her laptop tomorrow for me to tell her which port is hdmi so she can hook it up to her tv at home
She's only in like her 40's so that seems kinda weird to me she doesn't know what an hdmi looks like I showed her the hdmi on my computer and she thought it was the 'jump drive' port8 -
What do they teach software engineers these days? How to be arrogant? If I were present when Mrs. Junior was writing this I would put her out of her misery and send her to clean toilets at McDonald's
35 -
So this cat (stray) used to come with her baby kitten, for food. Mama always fed the baby first, licked her, protected her....
Fast forward, now the baby kitten is all grown up. Now if she comes near mamas food, she gets growls and a nasty smack from mama cat. :D :D -
I'm always helping out a girl in my class with her coding assignments but her code is absolutely atrocious. I don't have the heart to tell her that her whole method, file and variable naming, and process is wrong and is causing her so many headaches.11
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My biggest and favorite distraction...
My queen, my servant... My girlfriend
Have so much support from her. Without her, i would be a mess -
So this is an update of this: https://devrant.com/rants/1466905/...
We both are busy butbi enjoy the fact that i dont need to be on call 247. So after telling her she and i have been alot more comfortable around eachother (and it is very weird for me, the friday i was by her and the family. Her mother looking at me while im trying ti slide my arm away and she trying to cuddle with me ect.) Turns out - her mother does like me, sooo im sitting with an issue.
I told her that i need to talk to her about eachother this coming Friday. I can take her to eat and have a picnic (the house is 500m from a private beach) and we can talk.
I have No idea what im going to talk about other than tell her how i feel and ask her how she feels and we have dated but im not sure if i should ask her out oficially. Btw im sensing ill be awkward when it comes to the last question knowing she probably expects me to start these conversations because she is shy..
Im so paranoid and i have 4 days but it feels like its not enough planning. I needed a 2week sprint to plan this kind of thing.2 -
One of the key person is asking every junior and senior person to build some program for her so she can automate those task.
Well everyone is just ignoring her. She never asked me. Which was kind of insulting for me and now I am thinking I should make that program and send her mail to buy it.3 -
Nothing gives me the feeling of power like solving my non-programmer friends' problems with a bit of programming.
My girlfriend is an architect, got at her job a task of designing how to cut facade panels. Something nearly impossible to do with her tools and insanely time consuming to do by hand - but it's actually just a subset-sum problem with more steps. After a couple of hours of tweaking the program to properly parse excel files she can export and writing the output in a format usable for her I solved what would be an incredibly tough pickle for her and her whole company.
I'm seriously proud of myself.1 -
Mother tries to login to her email. Starts shouting that it's broken and she can't login. I come, change the language from Greek to English, tell her to reenter her password...3
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I have to meet with a staff member who is generally good at her job but has become increasingly disrespectful and resistant to any direction. Her attitude makes it difficult for me to work with her, but every time I talk to her about anything she is so unpleasant about it and afterwards it is almost the silent treatment. Do you have suggestions for me as her manager to address the attitude without making the whole situation even more unpleasant?
I know I can’t make her respect me, but is there a way that discussing her disrespectful attitude will result in a better attitude and not just make the problem worse?3 -
My colleague is right now cracking her knuckles. I don't mind her doing that once in a while but she's doing it every two fucking minutes.
Soo fucking irritating.1 -
throwback to when i fell for this one girl and she stopped being my friend after i told her i felt things with her and she ran back to her toxic ex that she cries about to me. we called almost everynight and she would just talk about her and cry and all i would do is comfort and listen to her. wish i could go back and never talk to her again.2
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I met @miau in England at University, through the only course we shared, Games for the Internet. I really wanted to be her friend because I thought she was pretty cool.
@miau looks incredibly confident. She has humor, imagination and is a really talented programmer.
She, on the other hand, did not want to have anything to do with other German-speaking students to improve her English skills and learn as much about England as possible.
Fortunately, I can be very stubborn. I helped her with her programming tasks whenever she let me and told her what our professor values. A few tests and beers later we were friends.3 -
So a web developer is driving home from work when his girlfriend phones him. She says her sister can't log into Windows anymore even though she didn't change her password!
What happened?6 -
I took this freelance job from an undergrad student, her *final project* in her final year.
It's a cool idea with NLP and I was excited. Did three webpages as a show of my prowess and discussed an amount with her after she was satisfied... she seemed okay with the pricing.
Fast forward, three weeks pass and I don't hear from her (we had agreed that I would have to carry her along, so she could defend it). After alot of unanswered msgs, I stop working, assuming she's changed her mind.
Present Day. I stumble into her and I ask what the hell happened?
She: "I thought you were working on it!"
Me: "Jesus Christ! What about my messages?!"
She: ...
"But, we kinda have only till the 28th of the month before final defense..."
F***, now I'll spend my birthday month rush coding and fixing bugs that I could have done at my own pace! -
HER SHORT STORY》
A you beautiful girl decided to be a software developer
For a month she worked on an application
For 2 days she was sooo depressed her father could even notice it
On that day he heard her shouting in her room "Shit I am such an idiot ! !"
So the father went to check wat was going on and asked
Father: Ginger wat is going on?
Ginger: I messed up now I realize I missed a period!
Father: 😲 WHAT!!!
I told you to stay away from that boy
Who is going to take care of that child??
Ginger: [points on her monitor]
🖥️👈🏼I am talking about my code
🙄8 -
An ex client told me that her new software house wants the private key to access her virtual machine. The private key.
I explained that she must send me a public key, but I didn't tell her that new guys she is working with don't know what are doing. Now I feel regret. -
When I work entire night I use my short profile keyboard not to make any noise, but in holidays my mom wakes up and tries her best to makes all kind of noises, after I give up and wake up, she goes to her room to read her book!
Dear God! Please eat me!1 -
My client told me that she was not happy with her website because there were unnecessary boxes on one of the pages.
Me: Unnecessary boxes?
Her: Yes, at the bottom of the contract page.
Me: boxes... Boxes... Wait, did you mean the footer?
Her: Yes. They are not relevant. Please remove them.1 -
What is your way of diagnosing a desktop/laptop?
An employee at work told me that her daughters laptop is acting strangely and she asked me, since I am into computer and I said sure. I said to her to tell her daughter what I am specifically looking for. I never really done this before.6 -
Decided to try something new, so enrolled in a karate class where my fiancé does her kick boxing after watching her get her black belt last weekend.
Have my first “proper” session tonight after having a free taster session on Tuesday.
Anyone else got hobbies, or recently started one which doesn’t involve computers?3 -
Do you know that lady who waits in line at the grocery store for ages and when it's finally her turn she suddenly realizes that she might need her wallet somewhere from the bottom of her bag?
That's our current business analyst managing external dependencies like a boss... :D -
!rant
One of my housemates had a problem with her iPhone (an iPhone 4), which was showing her a black screen. I asked her if she had tried to restart it, and she said she'd taken out the SIM card and and put it back in and it was still giving her a black screen. I told her that holding the lock and home buttons at the same time for a few seconds restarted the thing. Seconds later she was messaging me in all caps saying it worked.
I guess the "turn it off and on again" really does work LoL2 -
!dev
It took a one fucking year to get over her and all it took was couple of birthday pictures of her with her "best friend", I wanna get drunk...10 -
A friend of mine wants to pay me to make a site for her. Freelance work, it's shit but I like money. The problem is I already have school, internship project and another client's project. I wanna make the site for her but I can't because I'm to busy ;-;
So I said to her she could make one on wix. I feel kinda bad because I wanted to help her, she's a good friend. I hope she doesn't think I don't care...8 -
One of the ways I met a girl was helping her program her clubs website. Surprisingly a great way to talk about interests, likes, and dating (making an about page OP)
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My sister tell her boyfriend she's good at technology, he ask her to start the TV, my sister call me!
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In my neighborhood, a 15-year-old girl identified herself as an adult man because of her LGBTQ friend circle, Right now her parents are taking her to psychiatrists!
Now, I don't know what to say. what are my thoughts and emotions regarding the present state of society?
That LGBTQ nonsense goes out of hand.13 -
I held her in my hand as it started booting gave her a new OS and and anti windows background this is
MANJARO2 -
A meeting where the client's UX evangelist kept interrupting her CEO and our team's developers when trying to discuss an issue. Her reason? "I'm bored and you talk too much".
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Me and my GF at a tea shop. GF knows one of the tea baristas.
Her = "tea barista"
Him = "tea barista"
Her: you're studying queer theory
GF: Yes I am
Him: Why don't they just call it Query
Me: LOLOL
Him: LOLOL
Her && GF: >.>1 -
Part of my remote work is to have a daily call reporting in on what I have done yesterday and what I am about to today. My colleague calls me for it. She's hired as a tech support and is suddenly assigned to take note and report on my work activities to our boss. Several times, I caught her pretending to know what I'm talking about like with Puppet configurations, Firewall diagnosis packets, ActiveMQ, Regex, etc. Most of the time, I just let it go as its not my job to validate her knowledge on these different but many services. Just do the call, get the report in, carry on. How difficult was that?
Yesterday, our call was left sour because I somehow blew up. I think I've reached my patience with this woman's assumptions to how these services work. Now I feel guilty for yelling at a lady but goddamn she stoopid for fibbing through my ear. Somebody help! What do I do?
If I report to our boss about her technical incompetence (politely), she might get sacked. She's a good tech support as long as she still has her trusty manuals by her, she can fix specific problems. But when it comes to unknown tech to her, she assumed she knew.
If I tell her about her weaknesses, however constructive I can get and as politely as I can get, all the while complimenting something about her, showing her how to improve herself, maybe she'll do better not to ask silly questions like buying a Puppet certificate? At least getting rid of ignorance would definitely help but not sure how she would take it. The worst thing I would imagine is her backfiring and yelling at me and then we ended up fighting.
If I kept quiet and tuck it all into a can, it will eventually implode as we go on.
This is not about her gender. I don't see her as a woman. I see her as a tech support engineer who should know her stuff.1 -
Hi who knows a tool for reverse image search on Facebook? Someone blackmail my gf by posting her picture and tagging her as a "call me for sex" hooker...16
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At Granny's and I must say these folks drink a lot of tea. She keeps on saying, "add more tea my grandson!".
I'm not complaining though, it's a good break from coffee for a few days2 -
Vice President of our company uses "pls" instead of "please" in all of her emails.
Not to mention her writing nonsensical technology terms to clients who sadly believe it.
🙄1 -
*hot chic from office walks up to me*
Her: hi,are you the computer guy?
Me: heey,that's me..wassup
Her: nothing,you just seem different from the others ..you're so calm under all these deadlines.
Me: sure, when I'm frustrated I go to devrant
Her: where's that?
Me: exactly
Her: you're so funny.
Me: wanna grab lunch
* nothing ever happens how I imagine them..except code*3 -
> spot a fly honey in the passion pit
> try to talk her into some backseat bingo
> her daddy’o shows up
> you have to agitate the gravel
> bogus2 -
Professor who never stood up from her chair during any of our lectures and read directly from her powerpoint. When it came to projects, she would deduct points because there was something we didn't implement BUT it wasn't in the specifications or in her instructions.
We did not enjoy or learn from her. -
So I was out at night with some friends and one of them mentioned her fast ultrabook got slower with the windows updates (Win8->Win8.1). I asked what was her daily tasks to get a base usage.
Me: maybe you should try Linux.
Her: oh yeah, I've heard of that.4 -
So, an employee at work told me that her daughter's laptop is acting strange and I said I would diagnose it for her. I was suppose to do it today but, her daughter left it at school, so I am going to work on it Saturday.
I was wondering, how much should I charge her if I wanted to get payed?1 -
How the fuck does my boss setup 2FA using her name, and then forget that she setup 2FA even though she sees the fucking app send her a code every time she logs in. Now we need to get her to reset her password so we can get the information so another team member can access the information they need.1
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Let's say, one of your female friends loves you. But she's too shy to tell you.
But now when her family is forcing her to get married, she explained her other female friend about you, how much she loves you and she's looking for you in each guy and so on. And somehow that female friend tells you what she told her about you, that she loves you but she knows that you wouldn't accept her feelings.
Now, what would you do?21 -
Only snide remarks to my friends stack overflow question until she changed her avatar to a pic of her brother. I am pretty much the opposite of a sjw but that sux.
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