Got a new Job on Friday and started today.

Here's to new beginnings !!!

£18.7million+ huh

No time to test

Working for unappreciative fucktard clients who believe they know more about dev than a seasoned professional and try to give me advise on how to approach my work and or solve programming issues. FUCK Sake if you know it then don't hire me you fucktard client.

My best experience is working for a small company and bridging their disconnected systems together using an array of programming languages such as Go, PHP, VB, Batch Script, Javascript and C

The dumbest confirmation screen I have ever seen.........

I have taken a break from computer to spend it with my wife and daughter. We are the O2 watching Frozen on ice. Times like these make you a better father, husband and dev

So I'm working on a project with another developer and a frontend guy. Now the frontend guy has the lead as the other dev and I can only do our job based on his work. So he had 3 months to deliver us the first part BUT has rarely been in communication. When he does email he just says "designing concept "FOR 3 FUCKING MONTHS" Now we are 1 week before the project is due for delivery and he is saying that he will send us over the concept this FRIDAY!! 3days days before project is due.........................................................................................AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHRBFKDBDKSJRUDISNCFKSORVEOFBFOWBFFKDKWNDB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK THE GOVERNMENT!!!

if you believe in freedom and privacy and are from the UK sign here https://petition.parliament.uk/peti...

There is a shit storm coming to the Java world and LMS is at the centre of it all.

"LMS is now poised to aggressively chase Java SE users in 2017."

See how it affects you, your projects and/or clients

http://m.theregister.co.uk/2016/12/...

Remember in the early days we were taught to build online apps and sites that worked with or WITHOUT Javascript. Guess they don't teach that anymore

If you do not push something (language, education, people, cars, design, medicine ...etc etc) how the hell do you expect to mature, surpass expectations and become better. Java didn't start off as good or as bad as it is today. It was through testing, abuse, use and pushing it harder do more and more amazing things that it wasn't built for. PHP has changed alot since I started using and it's through people efforts that it gets better. Before the javascript wave came it was a nuisance to use and sucked as most browsers had it switched off by default but it's become more secure, fluent and able to do more amazing things and people are loving it right now.

I really wish people would stop with half arsed and uneducated comments.

composer self-update
....
SHIT I MEANT
sudo composer self-update

I have a new woman in my life. She has an amazing contoured body, smooth to touch and yeah she is wonderful on the inside. She is a pleasure to be around and is always there for me. She enables to DO amazing things and she empowers my personal aswell as my professional development. I THINK I'm falling in love no I DO love her.

She is my Lenovo ThinkStation P310 Intel Xeon 3.60GHz 32GB RAM 1.2TB SSD 6GB/s also known as Suzie.

So I'm in a meeting with the Company director where I'm contracting for a few months. She is explaining the company history, goals etc. I can feel my eyes drooping, my head tilting and my body sloooowly sliding of my chair. Im literally fighting to stay awake. She is about to explode and go crazy BUT the business manager flies in explains to her that I have a medical condition known as narcolepsy...meaning I could be half way through a conversation and I fall asleep and it's not anything more than that

....When she said my name is thought to myself yep I'm outta here...

A message to designers and developers:

please please please stop being so touchy about your designs/software. The final work is meant to be used/enjoyed by end users, customers, clients, young people, old people, disabled people, short attention span people, irrational people, patient people etc. So if they say it's not good enough accept it go back and make it simpler (not necessarily better but simpler) and move on!!

Stop going into defence mode and start throwing your toys out the pram or giving people the silent treatment.

Sorry just been on the receiving end and boy is childish.

Roughly 180 days, 5 months and 29 days, 4,320 hours, 259,200 minutes, I devoted myself to a client project. I missed family outings with my daughter and my wife. People started asking my wife if we had broken up. My daughter became accustomed to daddy not being around and playing with her. Sometimes only sleeping 4 hours, I would figure out solutions to problems in my sleep and force myself to wake and put them into action. My relationship with my wife became very fragile and unstable. I knew I had to change but I just needed a little bit more time to complete this client project.

Finally, the project was ending there was light at the end of the tunnel. I “git add –-all && git status” everything looked good. I then “git commit -m “v1.0 release candidate && git push beanstalk master”

I deployed the app to the staging server where I performed my deployment steps. Everything was good. I signed-up as a new user, I upload a bunch different files types with different sizes, completed my profile and logged out. I emailed the client to arrange a time to speak remotely.

“Hello” says the client “How are you” I replied. “Great, lets begin” urged the client. I recited the apps url out to the client. The client creates a new account and tries to upload a file. The app spews a bunch of error messages on the screen.

The client says

“Merlin – I do not think you really applied yourself to this project. The first test we do and it fails. If you do not have the time to do my project properly please just say so now, so I can find somebody else who can”

I FREAKED THE FUCKOUT on the client!!!!!!! and nearly hung up. My wife was right next to and she was absolutely gobsmacked. I sat back and thought to myself “These fuckers don’t get it”. All that suffering for nothing!

Thanks for reading my rant….

BTW: I did finish the project, the client was amazed on how the app worked and it is has become an indispensable tool for their employees.

Don't drink and code

Still waiting on this +45min later

Clients are synonymous with scope creep

So I just receieved a rude email from my client as candidates cannot register on his system. He is adamant that the system I built doesn't work........until he found out that candidates are silly and not reading notifications written in h1 with a font size of 33px that states "Please check your email to activate your account".......

FUCK SAKE READ PEOPLE.... READ!

When you just can't figure it out

$search = $_GET ['search'];
$table = $_GET ['table'];

$query= mysqli_query ("$search FROM $Table");

😲😲😢😢

How they hell do I put those emoticons in my comments!!!!!

So what would you class yourselves as:-

A) Developer
B) Software Developer
C) Software Engineer
D) Programmer

I go with with Software Engineer. This for me sounds complete for what I do. What do you guys think and why?

Can't stand people who compare high powered over priced MACs to regular cheap entry level consumer computer. Compare like for like....for Fuck sake. This dweeb just compared a £2100 MAC and a £600 consumer computer......!!!!....!!!!!