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Watched this movie called Unthinkable where the guy who is supposed to defuse the bomb is typing gibberish into Excel 😂😂😂
21 -
This shit is real.
Guy comes to my desk.
Guy: Do you know Python?
Me: Yes
Guy: I want a program that reads a CSV containing IP addresses and tells which of them are valid.
Me: Sure thing. Show me the CSV file.
Guy: (Shows the file)
Me: (Writes a small function for checking whether the IP is valid)
Me: Done Here you go.
Guy: You should be using regex.
Me: Why? This is perfect. No need for regex.
Guy: My manager wants a solution using regex only.
Me: Why so?
Guy: I don't know. Can you do it using regex?
Me: Only if you say so. (Stackoverflow. Writes a humongous regex). Done!
Me: Just for curiosity, what is your application?
Guy: I will port it in Java. You see, regex is easy to debug.
Me: Ohhh Yes. I forgot that. Good luck with your regex.22 -
Guy: "We just can't finish this in 1 month!"
Boss: "Yeah you can, I'll hire more people."
Guy: "... You know, a woman can deliver a baby in 9 months but 9 women can't deliver a baby in 1 month."21 -
One day my mum got a call from a man claiming to be from Microsoft. He said there is something wrong with the computer and tried to make her install TeamViewer to "fix" it, but my mum didn't manage to install it for several hours until he gave up.
Sometimes knowing even less can save your PC.6 -
Random Guy: So you wrote all this in Java?
Me: JavaScript
Random Guy: Yea. What i said. It's the same!
Me: *triggered*11 -
My friend is a css guy and he told me this
.illuminati {
position: absolute;
visibility: hidden;
}11 -
To the guy that invented NULL...
Thanks for nothing.
*This is a corrected version of the dad joke originally containing zero.7 -
This made my day.
This really makes me wanna go back on Twitter just to follow the guy who posted it.
3 -
Custom CSS? Who am I kidding, I'm a backend/security/server guy.
Fuck this shit, bootstrap, here I come!21 -
Is it just me, or does this emoticon look like a guy giving some serious middle fingers with Michael Jackson gloves?
10 -
Reading through legacy code, only to discover the comment:
/*
* to the poor guy who has to fix this
* ...
* I'm sorry
*/3 -
Guy: you said you were a software developer right?
Me: Yes
Guy: Do you know how to reset my phone?
Me: You do know a reset will wipe out all contacts.
Guy: Yes
Me: What phone do you have?
Guy: iphone
Me: (looks it up on google and shows him it)
Guy: is that a special app?
Me: its google
Guy: oh
I swear this was tuesday night and i was the one out of us that was drinking11 -
This actually happend in my secondary school class. A new guy came to our class. The whole family moved from another city.
*new guy want to start conversation with me*
new guy: "So you into computers and stuff like that?"
me: "Yes" *seems like a cool guy , want to develop the conversation further* "what about you man? do you like computers? do yo program or smth?"
*new guy wants to look cool in front of me*
new guy: " Yeah dude, actually I am hacker"
*me saying to myself, oh fuck not again this shit*
he continues with: " Once I got into the NASA system"
*switches mode to making fun of him*
me: "what the fuck man? really? that´s freaking cool, how you manage to do that? "
new guy: " you know the thing when you press F10 when starting a comupter? "
me: "You mean BIOS?"
new guy : "yeah yeah man through that shit"
* I am done, laughing my ass off and walks away*1 -
Apparently this guy's pull request claims that his code is "very fast" (Official Linux github repository). I can't stop laughing looking at the file changes xD
File changes: https://github.com/torvalds/linux/...
Conversation: https://github.com/torvalds/linux/...
8 -
Fuck this guy who calls himself a fullstack developer after doing a HelloWorld with Node.js and a bit of flex box.
No. Really. Stop with this bullshit.5 -
There is this guy at work we call 'the human linter'
Despite his mad clean codes skills: light theme
Dafuq dude :(13 -
Woman: IF you could make all the people in this forum brawl, I would go with you tonight.
Man: (Type) PHP is the best language all over the world!
The whole forum goes into brawl...
Women: You got me. I shall go with you. Do whatever you want. Let's go.
Man: Hold! Not today! I must convince them all!
7 -
Gotta do this at my office, especially at the cube where the "New Guy" in the team sits!
--Evil Laughs--
4 -
This guy from my college uploaded node_modules to github 🙄
He's basically helping people to avoid writing the npm install command.
12 -
I don't wanna be that guy that posts jokes here but thought this one was pretty good:
What's the most popular language in programming?...
...Profanity6 -
Some dude's sitting next to me on the train pushing his code. Looks like he's on Arch with pure i3.
I like this guy already.19 -
Just happened at my internship:
Guy: hey could you come over here for a sec and look at this problem?
me: Sure! *walks to table*
guy: the FTP server isn't working. I added config files etc but nothing!!
me: *does some terminal stuff*
me: uhm.... the ftp server isn't installed......
guy: *poker face*
guy: *poker face*
guy: *poker face*
guy: *plz don't tell anyone face*
guy: could you pls install? *desperate look*2 -
It goes like this.
I have one final task to solve before starting in a new job at a different company. This guy, which is also a board member in the company in which I'm currently hired, is also an IT consultant and project manager in a fairly large company. This said person is also a key person for me being able to solve this last issue. I send him a complete guide on what he has to do before I can move on and wrap it all up.
First conflict arises because he doesn't follow the guide and tells me something is not working. I kindly inform him why and the response I get is very personal and not kind in any way, telling me and my boss that I am bad at my job and that he will bill us for 1000 USD for the 5 hours he used "debugging" and testing. This should have taken him 30 minutes and I have no idea what he spent those 5 hours doing.
It comes down to that my boss sides with this asshole and tells me that I have to do the task all over and test the system for the 4th time (yes I tested it 3 times beforehand to make sure nothing could go wrong) What my boss and the asshole doesn't know is that my uncle is vice president in the firm the asshole is working for. After kindly reminding this asshat that he has to follow the guide and that I can confirm everything is working, he keeps on attacking me. It's very rare that I fuck up and I have consulted 2 colleagues and got them to test it as well. They found no issues at all. The asshole ignored my request of documentation that something was not working.
I'm so full of being treated as an idiot so I send my uncle the email correspondence with the asshole to confirm that this is not how any of their employees should behave independant of my ability to do my job.
He will speak with this fucker tomorrow at work as first thing in the morning. I'm not proud of the way I went about this, but that was like the last drop, if you know what I mean.
Sorry for the long rant.20 -
Easily this guy.
Fun fact: I was following him on Quora and YouTube for what must have been a year until I realised it was the same person.
3 -
Background: I'm not drunk yet, BUT I'M WORKING ON IT.
okay.
I just finished a second sprint on my React app. The first was to build a merchant onboarding flow. The second was to do substantial cleanup as I learned more about react/redux, and to create a "supply order" flow -- basically purchasing marketing materials and services. I finished that in a week, and I'm pretty proud. api-guy wanted it done in a day. i laughed. he probably could have, but it would have been a copy of the code in a new repo with some lines changed.
ANYWAY. it's all done and It's super pretty and works amazingly well. It has both the onboarding flow and the ordering flow, with a nice pop-out sidebar for navigation, namespaced actions, etc. Everything is pretty clean. I even added a cart to the ordering (despite everyone telling me not to) because wtf, what if someone wants to order TWO items? dumbasses. So I made that. it's sexy.
Anyway, it's all done and shiny and fancy and wonderful and I'd *love* to share screenshots if only it didn't give away where I worked. :<
... but the point of the rant!
After the first sprint, I made a copy of the repo so I could rework it and add more functionality without touching the original. (Hey! That's what a branch is for, right? Why didn't I branch it up?
well, read on)
I knew we were going to have multiple separate flows for this app: onboard, ordering, merchant tools, admin tools, support, etc. So, I wrote its server portion (the webpack builder + http server) so it would serve the same app at whatever url the user hit, and set a cookie containing that host+url. This allows the app to serve different content (basically showing/hiding content) based on the URL and future login roles. If someone hits /order, it would hide everything but the order flow. If they're a merchant, it would show all the merchant views plus ordering, etc.
tl;dr This way I can use the same codebase for multiple sites, drastically simplifying development, branding, and what have you. This new app could obv also be a drop-in replacement for the original onboarding project because of the above.
HOWEVER. this apparently isn't good enough for api-guy. He's terrified that adding/updating future components will affect all the existing content somehow.
so.
now we have three repos for basically the same codebase. 1) onboard aka "surfboard", 2) ordering, 3) merchant tools, aka "ferrari" (the "future" app).
Except.
1) "surfboard" is a very old version of the code. 3) "ferrari" is also old, since 2) "ordering" has newer content in it now.
... and somehow this is better?
fuck if i can figure out how.
His reasoning is "well, you won't be touching surfboard or ordering for 6 months, so now you don't have to worry about it." Sure, except, you know, it'll be a pain in the ass in 6 months now when I have a crapton of code and branding to redo. ffs.
Oh. We also have three Heroku pipelines for these three repos. for the same codebase.
and now you know why i'm drinking.7 -
I really feel sad for the person that is going to manage my code in future :(
Poor guy will have nightmare about this6 -
A friend called ITIS guys about some network issue on his system.
Frnd : Hi, I'm facing some security policy issues on my system. Could you help me connect?
ITIS guy: Ok. Please run 'gpupdate /force' cmd from cmdpromt.
Frnd: Well actually I'm on Linux.
ITIS guy: Well, at least give it a try and tell me how it goes.
*Facepalm*? *Bodypalm*? Murder?4 -
Can't concentrate when this guy constantly keeps a check on the page number (progress) I have reached while learning GO. 😂
5 -
A moment of silence for the javascript devs downloading a 13MB of this guy along with their babel transpiler.
5 -
During code review:
Guy (also the same guy who pushes code without making unit tests): "Hey, this thing you added is unnecessary. Remove it."
Me: "Have you read the rest of the changes? It isn't unnecessary."
Guy: "Not yet"1 -
It has now officially been 3 days and I haven't fully configured softwares on my new "windows" laptop( errors that takes google's 3rd page to solve😊) ... Because... "This guy fucks"
7 -
Heard this one on the lift today:
"I'm more of a backend guy"
You have to be really careful when you say that kind of stuff...7 -
So this guy uploads pictures of his code to GitHub instead of actual code. I don't even...
https://github.com/To-Silva/...5 -
That moment when you listen to your boss' lies to a client when presenting a new product/feature.
I am like: damn, this guy is a talented actor!3 -
You wanted to hear more about my "glorious" teacher. I deliver. So get a cup of tea, take a seat and prepare for insanity.
As I already told in a comment my programming teacher is one special snowflake who lives in his personal bubble. We have final exams in less than a month and he spents at least half a lesson talking about vanishing bees and missing plants from his garden. Other topics he likes to talk about (and tries to turn every freaking conversation into at least one of these):
1. Other students and their stupidity
2. Diesel scandal
3. His sick wife
4. "Why does noone read newspapers anymore?"
5. Why he can't teach Java but really really really wants to and everyone hates him and forces him to do C#.
Even if I try to interrupt him he'll go on until he thinks we gained some "common knowledge" - this is how he justifies these topics.
Everytime he introduced us to a new command he compared it to Java and sometimes he even falsely corrects code because he confuses them.
We are only 6 people including me (another story for another time) and he is not able to help everyone during a 90min lesson. He normally sticks with one person for at least one hour and just talks to them or even do their tasks. This is really annoying if you have a simple question. He won't answer you until he's finished whatever he's doing.
Most of the time he doesn't seem to understand what he's talking about/trying to teach us. He's muttering statements from our textbook to himself switching halfway through to another sentence while drawing not decipherable shit on the blackboard.
Another gem are his "guidelines" for classtests. We are allowed to use any command we know. Except the ones we learned not in class. And the ones he doesn't like. And the ones he doesn't want to exist. And of course not the ones which make you're life easier. So basically we are bound to use his favourite commands or we won't get a good grade. Example: use an array. List is not allowed. Never.
He has some weird fetish with arrays.
I once presented him perfectly fine code I wrote in my freetime and asked what some warnings meant. (Was because of different Visual studio versions as I learned later.) He scolded me for using things he didn't taught us yet and ranted about how I'm pressuring him into rushing these things now - I never wanted to show this to my classmates nor was this anything else than a project for fun and learning something new. (FYI the "new stuff" where classes and objects because i was tired of kilometers of spaghetti code). His rant went on a good 20minutes and - obviously - he didn't answer my question. I asked my fiance that evening and he explained it to me.
This should it be for this time. I'm sure I have more stories to tell for another time!
Thank you for reading. ^^5 -
If you're so fucking mentally lazy that you can't write something halt-decent the first time, maybe you shouldn't write anything at all!
hsdkghajsghasldghj
HATE9 -
Helped this guy with one part of his project. Now i wake up everyday to can you do this for me requests.
16 -
"Well this is Java, that's intelliJ"
-Guy in my CS class figuring out why my code works and his doesn't5 -
The guy that developed this template redefined every bootstrap class and now i have to maintain it... kill me please
6 -
when my relatives know I'm studying IT:
"ooh, did you know that this guy made this and become rich, and this guy made this app and is rich now too, so why haven't you made anything yet?"
//its not that simple...3 -
News station:
"This country is in need of IT specialists"
*Presents some guy from some company*
"We offer schooling for people who want to learn IT"
Also news station:
*Shows footage of the same guy typing some help command into cmd*
*Same guy opens minified js in notepad++*
Way to fucking cringe everybody with slight knowledge out of the continent!4 -
An open standard quotes the same guy in 2/3 refs, very open indeed.
This guy damaged JavaScript as a language more than anyone else in the world, and he may still call it an achievement.
6 -
This is a rant about that guy who is younger, more talented, smarter, more handsome and a super wizard in everything he does.. and still manages to be a nice guy.
Fuck you. It's unfair3 -
I saw this picture and joked that the guy in the picture is in my pocket? Then I realized the guy is the NSA agent monitoring me. Ouch! Jokes on me...
9 -
I'm a guy and when the migraine hits me I feel like crying. Is it normal for a guy to cry, coz I'm not able to handle this pain.17
-
New guy started today. Nobody knew this. CPO forgot. There was no computer available. He was sent home after an hour of waiting in reception.12
-
Guy studies programming for a year.
Guy: I am going to start this amazing project wanna help
Me: Sure what is it
Guy: ***Long story of a decent idea***
Me: Sure Ill help, what do you need me to do
Guy: Only a few functions
A few days later...
Guy: Hey I don't where to start or how I should do it can you help me with like THE WHOLE PROGRAM?
If you haven't gathered from this story. Don't be that one guy who has an idea but doesn't write or make a plan for it as your just going to waste other peoples energy and resources.8 -
This guy is a programmer for sure, he thinks he made a great product, but it's unnecessary and inefficient 😯
6 -
-Client: I have a problem.My pc says I need a snake to run this program.
-IT guy: Please sir,tell exactly what it says.
-Client: You need Python to run this program.
-IT guy: *hits his head on the keyboard2 -
Yeah I get what the intention was but like... why? I feel there are way better ways to do this
(Ps. I've become the pic post guy)
8 -
Currently playing "the IT guy" for my uncle. I'm supposed to "speed up" the laptop. It's a low tier Toshiba from about 5 years ago, that while idle sits at about 100% CPU usage and 80% RAM usage.
From what I can tell, it has NEVER been turned off since I set it up for him 4 years ago, or unplugged..
16 -
Co-employee in Slack: Let's get this bread
*1 hour later*
That guy: Bread has been acquired
Meanwhile me: *Forgot to eat breakfast and read the sentence wrong*
God I wish I was that guy5 -
Hey, DBA guy! Security blocked this one port for the database. Can you change the database to a different port?
Me: No, I actually like working here.2 -
I wish I had this guy as my calculus teacher in college. It was hell understanding the concepts because of language barriers.
6 -
This is deployed on PROD(!) from my Senior Dev's app. Have I told you devs how much I hate this guy already?
7 -
tfw...
• the new "sr dev" asks what the point of TDD is
• being polite, I answer in an ELI5 format
• rest of the room nods head in agreement
• new "sr dev" still has baffled look on face -
Well, no rubber duck for me but this guy is my partner since many years ago (since I've started my carrer).
Not even those prehistoric bugs last forever!
-
Oh gosh... This week a "friend" of mine will have a job interview for a company I am working at. This guy really just can't Code. He has no understanding of clean code, abstraction etc. He just knows the basics. But he loves to brag how good he is and got his bachelor degree. Damn I hate this guy and I hope HR won't hire him.7
-
I just noticed that this guy in the devrant art on the app store looks like @n3xus irl... Interesting.
3 -
The network guy in me screams in agony!
I Just started watching person of interest, and this happens...
8 -
Working in an open source Electron program that decided to just use as many different JavaScript modules as possible.
9 -
"So.....I see that you're a strong SQL guy.....and this is a data role BUT can you help us clear out our web backlog?"1
-
My coworker just replied to a customer’s out of office email. 😂
“Thank you for letting us know that you will be out of the office” 🤣
The subject of the email is “Re: Automatic reply: Data Export - Items Sold” 🤣🤣🤣 -
this lil guy right here. there was a time when we're not allowed personal stuff on our desks, and i needed a rubber duck for rdd. so i made this lil guy. he's really gr8 at debugging
1 -
So this guy I know mentions a 7/10 proficiency in web development on his resume and doesn't know about the web console in browsers.6
-
Who was working for 20 minutes without TypeScript compiling and wondering why nothing was changing: this guy 🙋🏻♂️1
-
When your co-worker leaves the company and nobody is chomping at the bit for his position:
Guess who's working late for the next 3 weeks!
-->This guy<-- -
Hello, I’m Mr. Null. My Name Makes Me Invisible to Computers.
This guy is the best user case.
http://www.wired.com/2015/11/null/3 -
not actually a coworker, but I had to take the place of this guy who made the whole websites layouts in tables. in 20122
-
A programmer wrote scripts to secretly automate a lot of his job -- including to automatically email his wife and make himself a latte
Read more at https://businessinsider.com.au/prog...2 -
Plot: Senior management, "lets fire this guy asap !!!"
Twist: It's been several months and the management has not communicated, spoken or done anything to this guy.
WTF is going on here. 😕1 -
In 2 months this guy redesigned 5 times the same website. Without saying nothing to the backend developer. Oh wait... this guy is me...
-
Windows guy here, installing Ubuntu. Gonna see if I can get a Hello World going with this fancy new .Net Core.5
-
- can you help with this Angular thing?
- sorry, I'm no front-end guy
- oh, thought you do node.js, no?
- *Facepalm* -
And this happened today:
While on ssh session, this guy restarted network manager. According to him "his Facebook page wasn't showing him recent feeds". -
this guy. when I can't decide I roll and hope it's some: specific number || < || >
many breaks decided by him.
1 -
FFS how is a guy supposed to do any work with a PC as slow as this?? how many anti-virus can you install on a single machine??!!3
-
I think karma is doing me a favor today 😍
So I started to work fir my current company early January 2017, on a project I'm still currently working on (well, now discussions are made around the next sprint, so I'm working on something else but you get the spirit)
We had the most PAIN-IN-THE-ASS-ish client I ever met. Dude gives schemas of what a page should look like (no real visual model but well things were pretty clear so there weren't big problems around).
The client was the kind of dude that could send these models, let us work on them then opening a fuck-ton of tickets, ranting about how the elements' display isn't good. Then we have to make remember him that he gave us nothing else, and he agreed on the functional specifications. And this for two WHOLE fucking years
Today, the project director came by our office and casually sat down next to me to tell me that the dude have been fired by his company for being a huge douchebag, blocking communication between us and simply being useless.
The sun is shining again 😍😍 -
Guy: Hey you know computers right
Me: sure
This guy takes his computer apart during class and wants me to see what it wrong with it. I'm like dude what the heck the Professor is teaching! Freaking crazy. -
First day of a group project and one of your group members utters the immortal phrase: "what's a get hub?"
-
I hate to be this guy @devRant but the avatar creator is really lacking in Hispanic skin tones. I have to be either white or Indian.2
-
There was this guy at university who pronounced 'branch' like 'brunch'. It was so hilarious that my friends and I had to hold our laughter back.1
-
QA guy: Your app crashed on this Samsung.
Me: Checks Firebse logs and finds out that phone was rooted and tells QA guy.
QA guy: You must consider all use cases.
Fuck you dude!2 -
I use this little guy as a rubber ducky now. He's useful when I'm trying to study stuff which is particularly hard to remember.
5 -
So I help I help this guy with setting up a Ruby Api backend for free.. First mistake,
Guy: hey you want something in return like LinkedIn endorsements.
Me: sure that be cool!
Guy endorses me for HTML...
Guy: your welcome!!!
Me: wtf.. HTML???
Guy: Dude your so ungrateful.1 -
I hate it when an opinion is valued by someone seniority.
Sure, you might not like react, fine, but if your only argument for that is it being built by Facebook, you're just an ass.
Sure, you might not like node, fine, but if your only argument for that is your prejudice towards javascript , you're just an ass.
Normally this guy is pretty nice, but fuck you for talking about shit you don't understand6 -
So I'm working on a project with another developer and a frontend guy. Now the frontend guy has the lead as the other dev and I can only do our job based on his work. So he had 3 months to deliver us the first part BUT has rarely been in communication. When he does email he just says "designing concept "FOR 3 FUCKING MONTHS" Now we are 1 week before the project is due for delivery and he is saying that he will send us over the concept this FRIDAY!! 3days days before project is due.........................................................................................AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHRBFKDBDKSJRUDISNCFKSORVEOFBFOWBFFKDKWNDB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!2
-
Just gonna leave this here:
https://github.com/FireFox2000000/...
Like who the fuck puts releases in their own git repo? Apparently this guy.8 -
Sales guy: Client has a new requirement, wants it by the weekend.
Me: but did you tell him why we've an alternative for this here.
Sales guy: cool, complete it by weekend then. -
OMG!! the SCSS is so Sassy..... perfect name for an extension....
SASS : Syntactically Awesome Style Sheet.
I wonder what this guy(the guy who named sass) named his child/pet1 -
So we had a new platform guy start this morning.
*2 hours later*
They fired the only previous other platform guy. Well this'll end well... -
copycat: how many of you ended up as IT professional because you trust the big swoosh and this guy said everywhere "JUST DO IT"
-
Remember to design against theft..
https://gizmodo.com/oh-man-this-gen...
--------------
Oh Man, This Genius Guy Created a Robot to Steal from Vending Machines
--------------3 -
This guy. A friend of mine drew it.
It's kind of cheesy, but it reminds me to smile and enjoy myself. I really like it.
-
Rant!
This guy CockSuckerBerg!
Facebook has leaked 50 million account data..
Their Stocks are going down rapidly almost 7+% due to this..
AsslickerBerg2 -
Have you guys seen that guy bought 80's Mac and found a hidden porn game on it? Then here is this https://goo.gl/7qEH8J
-
@dfox Are you hiring anyone to help with this awesome app? I happen to know a pretty awesome ops guy. ;)6
-
Not my co-worker, but please someone kill this guy!!
https://youtu.be/x-VmYZGPnWc
WARNING: INDENTATION HORROR AHEAD.1 -
Spent downtime during testing passing papers with this dude in my class working on an app. Pretty chill guy imo.
Good day. -
For all those who haven't seen this fantastic guy from PyCon. It's really powerful and... it's not about Python ;)
https://youtube.com/watch/... -
http://syntheti.cc/van-build/
"Even at the very least of curing your boredom, temporarily, while you sit in your cubicle and pretend to work."
I hate this guy :|1 -
A guy just asked me that he has this huge project and he needs a WordPress developer and m like :|
What should i tell him....
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