In lame man terms..!

Savage designers....

Marvelous.....

Simple flowchart XD

One of my non technical friend thinks 'inspect element' is a bug which Google haven't fixed yet

Chrome

Been months using devRant and I just found out that double tapping upvotes a post.

Found this 2 years old beauty today:

public boolean hasPermission(User user, Permission permission){
// TODO
return true;
}

The author quit last year.

Exactly

START FUCKING USING GIT.

😅

Roses are red!
Violets are red!
Trees are red!
Grass is red!

Oh fuck!
My garden is on fire....

PROGRAMMER - A person who can interact with a program without an interface.

lol.

      

In 2025, JS-frameworks will outnumber humans.

Me : So how's the deadlines here?
Coworker : There are none.
Me : ?
Coworker : if they are unrealistic, we push non-working code. Prod comes up with bugs, and we get a new sprint to resolve those bugs.
Me: ╰[ ⁰﹏⁰ ]╯

If you see someone coding at mcdonalds, starbucks etc.

"Excuse me, would you like a fork for that spaghetti"

How programmers comment their code

My dad found a phone a few weeks ago and asked me what he should do with it. Knowing how much it hurts to lose personal data, I said I could try to find the owner and send it back.

My first attempt was to search through the files on the SD card in order to find an identifying document (CV, bill, address...) but there were only family pictures.

My second attempt was to unlock the phone and check the information about the owner and the accounts linked to it. But for this to be possible adb has to be enabled. Good thing is that that particular brand shows an option for activating adb on the recovery menu.

But then, it's Android Oreo and I haven't found a way to lift the lock pattern. I thought I could bruteforce it over the shell (as I found there could be about 1300 possibilities for 2 to 5 point patterns), but there is the same attempt throttling as on the screen so that would take ages.

Finally, I found the owner in the most "social" way : The phone was displaying the weather for a particular place. It turns out that there are only 3K inhabitants in that city, si I thought that a big enough Facebook group might help me find the owner. So I posted a message on a 500 people FB group dedicated to this city with a selfie of the owner : someone identified her within 20 minutes.

Mission accomplished 😎

“If everyone is admin, no one is admin and this is communism” - Our DBA

Some empty-headed helpdesk girl skipped into our office yesterday afternoon, despite the big scary warning signs glued to the door.

"Hey, when I log in on my phone, the menu is looking weird"

"Uh... look at my beard"

"What"

"Just look at this beard!"

"Uh.... OK"

"Does this look like a perfectly groomed beard"

"Uh... it's pretty nice I guess"

"You don't have to lie"

She looks puzzled: "OK... maybe it could use a little trimming. Uh... a lot of trimming". "I still like it though" she adds, trying hard to be polite.

"I understand you just started working here. But the beard... the beard should make it clear. See the office opposite to this one?"

"Yeah"

"Perfectly groomed ginger beards. It's all stylish shawls and smiles and spinach smoothies. Those people are known as frontend developers, they care about pixels and menus. Now look at my beard. It is dark and wild, it has some gray stress hairs, and if you take a deep breath it smells like dust and cognac mixed with the tears caused by failed deploys. Nothing personal, but I don't give a fuck what a menu looks like on your phone."

She looked around, and noticed the other 2 tired looking guys with unshaven hobo chins. To her credit, she pointed at the woman in the corner: "What about her, she doesn't seem to have a beard"

Yulia, 1.9m long muscled database admin from Ukraine, lets out a heavy sigh. "I do not know you well enough yet to show you where I grow my unkempt graying hairs... . Now get lost divchyna."

Helpdesk girl leaves the scene.

Joanna, machine learning dev, walks in: "I saw a confused blonde lost in the hallway, did you give her the beard speech?"

"Yeah" -- couldn't hold back a giggle -- "haha now she'll come to you"

Joanna: "No I already took care of it"

"How?"

"She started about some stupid menu, so I just told her to smell my cup". Joanna, functional alcoholic, is holding her 4pm Irish coffee. "I think this living up to our stereotype tactic is working, because the girl laughed and nodded like she understood, and ran off to the design department"

Me: "I do miss shaving though"

"This is not an application: it's a bug pretending to be an application." (This comment was left as an app review on Google Play Store)

Dude! We have toilets on each floor. Why do you push shit on git?

How developers deal with someone else's code!
Fixing bugs after bugs and it goes on.

“Any application that can be written in JavaScript, will eventually be written in JavaScript.” — Jeff Atwood

Fast-forward 20 years, a plane crashes, they find and open the black box and in the flight logs they can see the cause clearly: ”undefined is not a function”.

"What took you so long to do it? It looks simple."

"It looks simple because I spent time making it simple."

TCP vs UDP

I got my first job as a programmer... for a salary twice as big as we had at home for four people. I'm f***ing excited!

Wish me luck :)

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It works 😄😄