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LocationLisbon, Portugal
Joined devRant on 5/30/2017
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LinkedIn: You have one notification!!!!
Me: What is it?
LinkedIn: 10 types of horses that make your more employable if you don't fuck them
Me: What
LinkedIn: 10 types of h-
Me: No, I heard you, why did you send me a notification about this?
LinkedIn: You want a job, don't you?
Me: Yes, but don't send me this type of notification again.
LinkedIn: Updated your preferences!
The nefarious LinkedIn, two days later: You have one new notification!!!!!!4 -
I did it.
I finally fucked prod.
And had to do open heart surgery on the service to get it unfucked.
Shit happens. Luckily its internal prod only...10 -
New developers(5-6 years experience) these days are so pathetic. They dont have any sense of code review. All they want is to put their opinion out without giving any thought.
I had a PR for review today which contains mock specification to match a regular expression and return the corresponding response
The regular expression I put was
104000(02|06|20|48)
Now, this guy comes and puts a comment that we could "simplify" as 104000\d{2}
I replied, the ending digits are not contiguous. The specific pair of digits have to match for these mocks.
Then this guy replied, then we could simplify as 104(0{4}(2|6)l0{3}(20|48)).
I said, I cannot understand how that is simplification. Why do we need such a complex regex to match something very straight forward.
And the guy replied, we should be writing proper regexes, otherwise we could just specify everything explicitly.
I was like WTF man. You try deciphering this next week without taking at least a minute to know which values are matched.
Anyhow, another senior person approved my PR, and I merged it.12 -
I'm averaging 3 hours a day outside of meetings. Mostly in 30 minute blocks.
Manager is wondering why I can't get work done...5 -
I support the idea that we rename devRant to WTFRant. I feel like the WTFs per rant is steadily increasing.11
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Hiring Manager: Thanks for interviewing for the position. But the things we listed as "nice to haves" are actually required for the job so we aren't going to hire you.7
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- clicks update and shutdown
- goes brush his teeth
- comes back, is welcomed by login screen
Man I love Windows6 -
I've worked hard today*. I think I deserve to slack off for the rest of the week**.
* Napped for 4 hours
** Month1 -
Developer superstition, never say something is easy, fast or straightfoward.
It will take weeks to develop, months to test and debug and you will consider change jobs just to stay away of that code8 -
User: "I emailed my spreadsheet to a colleague. Why can't I see their updates in mine?"
Please just kill me now.15 -
Did I ever tell you kids about the time I worked for a company that got a contract to develop an iOS application around some object detection software that had been developed by another team?
Company I was working for was a tiny software consultancy, and this was my first ever dev job (I’m at my second now 😅). Nobody at the company has experience building mobile applications but CEO decides that the app should be written in React Native because _he_ knows React Native.
During a meeting with the client, CEO jokes about how easy the ask is and says he could finish it in a weekend. Please note that Head of Engineering had already budgeted a quarter for the work. CEO says we can do it in a week! And moves up the deadline. And only assigns two engineers to project. I am not one of those engineers.
The two engineers that are put on it struggle. A lot. They can’t seem to get the object detection to work at all, and the code that’s already written is in Objective-C. I realize one of the issues is that the engineers on the project can’t read Objective-C because they have no experience with Objective-C or even C. I have experience with C, so I volunteer to take a look at it to try to see what’s going on.
Turns out the problem is that the models are trained on one type of image format and the iPhone camera takes images in a different format.
The end of the week comes, they do not succeed in figuring out the image conversion in React Native. There’s an in-person demo with the customers scheduled for the next Monday. CEO spends the weekend trying to build the app. Only succeeds in locking literally every other engineer out of the project.
They manage to negotiate a second chance where we deliver what we were supposed to deliver at the original schedule.
I spent the weekend looking up how to convert images and figure it would be a lot easier to interface with the Objective-C if we used Swift. Taught myself enough Swift over the weekend to feel dangerous. Spoke to Head of Engineering on Monday and proposed solution — start over in Swift. Volunteer to lead effort. Eventually convince them it’s a good idea (and really, what’s the worst that can happen? If this solves our main problem at the moment, that’s still more progress than the original team made)
Spend the next week working 16 hour days building out application. Meet requirements for next deadline. Save contract.
And that’s ONE of the stories of my first dev job that got me hired as a senior engineer despite only having 10 months of work experience in the industry.11 -
A coworker just died. He wasn't even 50.
Everyone make sure you're keeping your stress in check, and prioritizing your health. Go get that thing checked out you've been putting off.
This career is lucrative but it has its toll. Make sure you're taking time away.30 -
docker documentation is terrible. Mf'ers seem allergic to giving actual functional examples.
Watch me generate a 1-to-1 copy of the docker compose docs (real & true):
`docker compose --help > docs.html`13 -
Once, I overheard a conversation between my former PM and a client during a phone call.
Client: I will send the final draft of the project by Thursday.
PM: That's great to hear!
Client: When can I expect the updates to review the changes after the draft is sent? I need to present it at a meeting this weekend.
PM: It should be ready by Friday without fail!
Client: Excellent! Thank you. I will be expecting it.
PM: Sure, goodbye.
(After the call, PM joined the team.)
PM: So, team, the client for Project-A will be sending us a new draft for review and updates. They are putting a lot of pressure on us and need it to be ready by Friday at the latest. We need to treat this with a sense of urgency.
(After hearing this, we felt compelled to respond.)
Me: There's no way they would expect us to deliver an unseen draft within a day. Both the backend and Figma team members were forced to work last weekend, on Saturday, because you mentioned that Project B was behind schedule and the client needed an update by Monday. We simply can't continue working like this.
Backend guy 2: I also worked last Sunday on Project B.
Me: We overheard you telling the client that they should expect an update by Friday. It seems like you're the one directly putting the team under pressure, even though we still have three ongoing projects with tight deadlines.
(The office fell into an uncomfortable silence.)
(PM left the office without saying a word.)
Later on, I heard that he contacted the client to reschedule the expected time of arrival (ETA) after receiving the draft.7 -
Story from my friend who I drank a beer with yesterday:
His manager has balls bigger than elefants.. Hiring a group of anarcho kinda pentest / hacker fucks from a freelance portal from Serbia... Who found quite some shit in their internal systems.
You should think twice about paying them late and especially paying them only half the amount. Even though "they wouldn't sue them anyway".
Sure, they won't.
But take a smart guess what they did.
Fuckin idiot manager.6