Think the software you want to built and it appears magically.

I have never ran OneDrive for Business successfully. I am happy there is a somewhat limited web interface.

The worst thing of being a dev nowadays is feeling useless when you lack internet access...

The best feeling as a dev is being able to be on the forefront of pioneering new technology!

I was asked by a client to code review their platform built in PHP. The platform was becoming slow and new features built by their current IT supplier broke existing features.

I gained access to the source code... One PHP file (index.php) containing about 80K lines of code... I am impressed and disgusted at the same time. 😂

Basically any idea without any monetizing strategy whatsoever or just the idea of "selling data". What data and to whom?!

Last week somebody pitched me an idea to share documents, photos and other files. He never heard of Dropbox...

A friend of mine has a PC that was overheating. His solution: Dumping the entire mobo and components in a box with Olive oil.

Pros:
+ Decrease heat by 15℃
+ Low cost solution

Cons:
- Hard to maintain components
- Dust can't be cleaned from the box
- House smells like an Italian kitchen 😂

Haskell's foldl1 is do satisfying: "Folding" multidimensional arrays using a predicate feels like cheating. I feel dirty and clean everytime I use it...

Don't mess with Linus...

A logician comes back from paternity leave and enters his shared office.

His colleague: Hey! Congratulations with your newborn, is it a boy or a girl?

Logician: Yes.

Proper use of object oriented design patterns

Securing a php endpoint:

if($_GET['secret'] != "qwerty") {
die();
}

!important

Make sure that when developing software and using print outs to test output to not use swear words.

Last presentation when demoing to a customer I ended up on a white page saying: "Shit fuck!!!!!!" Embarrassment was an understatement... 😅

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out and asks the shepherd: "If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"

The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: "Okay."

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150 page report on his high-tech mini-printer. He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."

The shepherd cheers, "That's correct, you can have your sheep." The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche. The shepherd looks at him and asks: "If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?"

The young man answers, "Yes, why not?" The shepherd says, "You are an IT consultant."
"How did you know?" asks the young man.
"Very simple," answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew, and third, you don't understand anything about my business... Now can I have my dog back?"

I am traumatized a bit by seeing so many web applications being "hacked" together by WP integrators.

We see a lot of shit applications when companies knock on our door to have a look at their "sick" systems built on shit like that.

Usually when we feel sorry for the company we stage it up. If freak WP applications had a proper debug log, the first line would read: [WARNING] Put me out of my misery. 😵

Worst of all is that usually we could've built the webapp for half the price the customer spent originally with a proper framework and architecture.

My dad picked up programming in Java as a hobby when I started my own dev company. We pair program on the weekends! 😁

Seeing so many posts of unsupportive family members makes me sad. :(

I was supported a lot by my family, got provided with all the books I wish for... In a time when there was no Stackoverflow or good tutorials.

I read most books during high school and got beat up for it... But look at me now! :D

Stackoverflow.

Cigarettes. In some occasions they save lives...

It's 17:55... Did much work that day since I came in earlier than usual, so I could leave in time and do some shopping with the girlfriend.

A colleague comes in to my room, a tad distressed. He had accidentally ran a fixture script on a production environment database (processing a shipload of records per minute), truncating all tables...

Using AWS RDS to rollback the transaction log takes up about 20m. I had to do that about 5 times to estimate the date and time of when the fixture script ran... Since there was no clear point in time...

Finally I get to the best state of the data I could get. I log in remotely run some queries. All is well again... With minor losses in data.

I try to download a dump using pg_dump and apparently my version is mismatched with the server. I add the latest version to aptitudes source list of postgres repo and I am ready to remove and purge the current postgres client and extensions...

sudo apt-get remove post*
Are you sure? (Y/n) *presses enter and enters into a world of pain*

Apparently a lot of system critical applications start with post... T_T

Trustworthiness - Credits: xkcd

I had to explain that having Git repository in dropbox was redundant... fml...

Learning version control is hard. I don't git it...

That moment you realize that a recruiter refactored your resume and "corrects" Symfony to Symphony and sent it to multiple companies...

The best way to ensure correctly functioning software is not to make bugs in the first place!

Customer: How much costs custom developed software?
Me: How much costs a car?
Customer: Depends on which car...
Me: Exactly.