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Manager: How come the intern does way more tickets than you?
Dev: Because you told me to only give him the easy ones since he either can’t do them otherwise or takes too long on the hard ones
Manager: Well how is he going to learn if we only give him easy ones?
Dev: That’s what I told you when you orig—
Manager: Assign him ALL of the hard tickets on your board immediately!
*Tickets closed per day drops significantly*
Manager: WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG ON THESE TICKETS!!!!!
Dev: …18 -
Manager: This button is too dark, you need to lighten it. Have you no sense of design?
Dev: …
Dev: Hows this for an adjustment?
Manager: Wayyyyy too light now, jesus you need glasses if you think that’s good.
Dev: …
Dev: How about now?
Manager: It’s close, make it just a little more dark. God why does this have to take so long, do I have to hold your hand through this entire process!
Dev: …
Dev: There that good?
Manager: Yes that’s perfect! Send me a PR immediately so I can approve, we need to get this out ASAP, it’s critical!!
Dev: I can’t.
Manager: ????
Dev: There’s no diff, you had me gradually adjust the colour back to exactly what it was originally.
Manager: THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE IT LOOKS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME LIKE THIS, I HAVE A MEETING I NEED TO GET OFF TO BUT WE WILL BE HAVING WORDS LATER ABOUT THIS INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOUR.
Dev: …16 -
Manager: You really shouldn’t be doing that
Dev: It’s in my job description
Manager: Yeah but you still shouldn’t be doing it.
Dev: Who should I hand it off to?
Manager: We don’t have anyone else to hand off that task to.
Dev: Ok, do I stop doing it?
Manager: 😡 Of course not, it needs to get done! I’m just saying you shouldn’t do it.
Dev: ???????????13 -
Manager: This code you wrote violates the single responsibility principle!!
Dev: How so?
Manager: You have one function that you call in *MULTIPLE* places. That’s too much responsibility for one function! Functions should only have one responsibility!! Creeping the scope of a function beyond that is a TERRIBLE way to write code!
Dev: But why spin up multiple functions that all perform the same thing?
Manager: Well if a function has a bug in it and you use that function multiple places then that bug exists everywhere you use that function. If a function only has one responsibility then if it has a bug that bug will only exist in the single place it is called! You really should think first before asking questions like that.
Dev: …27 -
Manager: Hey what was that that you closed on your screen just now?
Dev: That popup? That’s NVIDIA letting me know that a new driver for my GPU is available.
Manager: Isn’t that for video games?
Dev: I mean that’s the reason many people opt into having a GPU but It’s not the on—
Manager: You are NOT allowed to play video games on your work computer!
Dev: This is my personal computer. It’s just an older GPU I popped onto this computer since otherwise it was just sitting in a drawer. My work computer is out of commission.
Manager: Well where is your work computer? How come you are not using it?
Dev: …Because of that blue screen of death issue we talked about yesterday.
Manager: Ok but that doesn’t give you permission to play VIDEO GAMES on your *WORK* computer.
Dev: …27 -
Recruiter: This is a 100% remote position
Dev: Good! That’s what I’m looking for.
Recruiter: But the company does require you to come into the office “on occasion”
Dev: I live 5 hours away from your office so that would be not a good fit
Recruiter: And once covid is over the ability to work remotely will be getting reconsidered. You’ll likely need to move cities in order to continue your employment with them.
Dev: Yeah I’m looking for 100% remote work
Recruit: This is 100% remote! Just with the need to come into the office sometimes now and potentially more later.
Dev: …15 -
Manager: THE SERVER IS DOWN THE SERVER IS DOWN!!!!
Dev: Ok I’ll look into it
*5 mins later
Dev: Wow these are really strange logs, it’s like config values are being changed all over the place while I’m looking at it
Manager: Well I figured while you were looking into it I’d go i to the server settings and change everything I could find in order to try and get the server back up again. Two sets of hands are better than one, Is it up yet???
Dev: …No.
Manager: I THOUGT YOU SAID YOU’D LOOK INTO THIS. I NEED ANSWERS NOW. WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG?!?!?
Dev: …13 -
Manager: You devs are constantly complaining about context switching, if you were on my level you would be able to multitask and switch from task to task without an— hold on I’m getting a text *tap* *tap* *tap tap* *tap* *send noise*
Manager: Right, what were we talking about again?
Dev: …15 -
Manager: Hurry up and login, I don’t have all day
Dev: One sec I have to lookup my password for the system
Manager: How can you not remember your password? Everything requires it these days
Dev: I use a different password for each service.
Manager: Wow you really like to overcomplicate things. Just use the same one for everything like I do, it’s way more efficient!
Dev: …19 -
Manager: Why did you clear the data from the database? The client is now specifically requesting it and we don’t have it anymore!
Dev: You told me to.
Manager: Well why did you listen? It’s obvious now that that data was very important and should have been kept!
Dev: Last time you told me to do something that wasn’t a good idea I tried to explain why and told me not to question you ever again and that doing so was “disrespectful” and then threatened to have me fired. So now I just go along with what you say and let you suffer the consequences of not listening.
Manager: Well don’t do that then! It’s obviously not working very well! It’s ok to disagree with me you just have to make sure that what you think is something I agree with!
Dev: …15 -
User: *Clicks on staging environment*
Giant Warning Dialog: YOU ARE CURRENTLY ENTERING THE STAGING ENVIRONMENT
Users: Ok
App: *Completely different colour, I’m talking bright unsightly yellow*
User: Ok
Giant Yellow and Red Flashing Banner at the Top of the Screen: WARNING YOU ARE CURRENTLY USING STAGING, THIS AREA IS FOR TESTING ONLY
User: The production environment sure is acting strange today. It’s a weird colour and I don’t recognize any of the data, it’s all just dummy filler data. I better create a ticket for the dev team to check o—….. no wait I’ll send an email CC everyone including the CEO and sound the alarm production is currently down and filled with giant warning messages.
Manager: OH MY GOD PRODUCTION IS DOWN DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS??? WHAT THE FUCK COULD THESE WARNING MESSAGES BE THAT’S ONLY SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN ON STAGING! THE CEO IS BREATHING DOWN MY NECK YOU NEED TO GET THIS FIXED IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!
Dev: …14 -
Manager: Feature C doesn’t work
Dev: We never built feature C
Manager: Nonsense, I remember feature C clearly!
Dev: It’s still in the backlog
Manager: But we had many meetings about it
Dev: Never got put on the board
Manager: Feature C is very important!
Dev: It was never assigned to anyone
Manager: What could possibly be more important than Feature C?
Dev: All the other features you placed on the board and assigned up until now
Manager: Well I need Feature C done asap! It should be top priority!
Dev: Ok then next sprint add feature C to the board and assign it to someone
*Next planning session manager leaves feature C in backlog in favour of other tickets*
*2 days later*
Manager: What is the status of feature C?
Dev: You opted to leave it in the backlog
Manager: BUT IT SHOULD BE TOP PRIORITY!
Dev: …9 -
In an effort to deal with the number of “top priority” tickets, management has come up with a new priority level, “urgent”, to help differentiate between tickets that are “top priority” and tickets that are actually “top priority”.
So as you can guess all tickets are now codified as “urgent”.
I’ve suggested management downgrade some tickets back to merely “top priority” as we’re clearly right back where we started with it being difficult to determine which order to do tickets in.
They’ve ignored my request as the bletherings of a clearly unenlightened peon, and have instead came up with a new priority, “mission critical” which will be reserved for the most hallowed of emerg— oh no wait everything is now “mission critical” who would have guessed?
So “Top priority” is the now lowest priority a ticket can have…Naturally.18 -
Dev: Hey our current server is starting to chug a bit. Can I get approved for $1200 additional spend to double the speed?
Manager: *Sharp inhale*. We need this project to cost as little as possible, we really can’t justify spending any additional money for any reason right now.
*2 days later*
Manager: YOU ARE APPROVED FOR $100,000 TO IMMEDIATELY IMPLEMENT SOMETHING RELATED TO NFTs IN ANY OF OUR APPS. THE BUSINESS NEEDS TO EXPAND INTO THE METAVERSE ASAP IMMEDIATELY. I NEED AN ETA BY EOD AS TO WHEN THIS CAN BE ROLLED OUT.
Dev: …16 -
Manager: You know you did good this week, take the entire day off tomorrow
Dev: Really?
Manager: Yeah my treat.
Dev: Can you send that to me in an email?
Manager: ….I mean yeah, but I don’t see why that is necessary
*** About halfway through The next day
Manager: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?! YOU HAVEN’T COMPLETED A SINGLE TICKET TODAY OR REVIEWED A SINGLE PR OR EVEN SO MUCH AS ATTENDED THE STANDUP. EXPLAIN YOURSELF!
Dev: You said I could take the day off today?
Manager: YEAH BUT YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY TAKE IT OFF!! I WAS GIVING YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW DEDICATION TO THE COMPANY BY COMING IN ANYWAY BUT NO YOU THOUGHT YOU’D JUST TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OUR GENEROSITY AND HAVE AN ENTIRE DAY TO YOURSELF?! GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS, THERE ARE URGENT TICKETS ON THE BOARD!
Dev: …16 -
Manager: Have you fixed the problem?
Dev: What’s the problem?
Manager: We’re not here to discuss problems we’re here to discuss solutions!
Dev: …11 -
Manager: So great news, we will also be building a new app this year!!
Dev: We only have 2 devs and we already struggling to maintain/build our current portfolio of applications. I don’t think we have the resources to support another.
Manager: Nonsense, this is a very small project management app that was requested by the CEO himself!
Dev: …We already have MS project, why can’t they just use that?
Manager: The executive team isn’t interested in learning MS Project, it’s way too complicated. They want us to build an internal version of MS Project one feature at a time so they can pick it up over time instead of getting overwhelmed with learning MS Project all at once. It also needs to have loads of customizable automation features so leadership doesn’t ever have to get “in the weeds” having to work with it. It needs to basically run itself!
Dev: …What about this is small?
Manager: Well that is the requirement.
Dev: …17 -
Dev: I think we should send Dev2 for some training and certification
Manager: We do not train people or have them certified. When you train people and especially if you have them certified they always leave the company for better offers so we no longer do that.
Dev: So the plan is to have a the company operated by a bunch of untrained uncertified people?
Manager: 😡 You are being disrespectful again20 -
Just got this little stinker added to my board this morning….
Ticket Title: Weird shit going on in app
Ticket Description: (blank)
Attachment: <Screenshot of app logo>
Manager: Well what do you think is causing it?
Dev: Causing what?? This ticket doesn’t describe anything at all
Manager: Well it’s a bunch of different things! The ticket is just a high level summary. Now how long do you think it’ll take to fix?
Dev: …16 -
Manager: I’m so sick and tired of you devs whining about technical debt and how it’s slowing down our progress, so here’s the deal. You have until the end of this week to eliminate all technical debt in the codebase. After that I NEVER WANT TO HEAR YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT TECHNICAL DEBT EVER AGAIN!!!
Dev: …17 -
Interviewer: Do you know what Kubernetes is?
Dev: Yeah, that’s the greek god of spending money in the cloud.
Interviewer: Actually Kubernetes is an orchestration tool. Have you not been on a project that uses it yet?
Dev: …9 -
User: There’s a bug in the app
Dev: How do I reproduce it?
User: I don’t want it reproduced, I want it fixed!
Dev: …7 -
Dev: What do you think of the new version of the app?
Client: It’s great! We just have a couple notes of feedback we are working on compiling. We should have those to you by next week.
*Next week*
Client: We need another week to compile all of this feed back we are generating
*Another week goes by*
Client: Still working on it, it’s going to be a really thorough review when you get it though. No stone will be left unturned!
*2 weeks later*
Client: Here it is!
Attached: A word document with a single line of text “can’t nobody log in” next to a picture of the login screen with a red circle drawn around the login button
Client: Can you hurry up and action our feedback? We want to go live next week
Dev: …9 -
Manager: We do not identify as a tech company so don’t expect tech company salary increases this year
Dev: Well don’t expect me to bring a tech work ethic then
Manager: !!5 -
Interviewer: Hello I’m calling for your phone interview now
Dev: You’re about an hour early calling but I can accommodate
Interviewer: Well it’s more convenient for me to do it now
Dev: …Alrighty then.
Interviewer: So I am from HR 😇*pause for effect*
Dev: …
Interviewer: Um, typically candidates start the interview by thanking me for consideration for this role.
Dev: Your job description was very vague so I don’t really know what I would be thanking you for.
Interviewer: 😡. It’s me that’ll be determining whether or not to pass you on to The Management.
Dev: …The Management?
Interviewer: Yes 🤗.
Dev: I’m no longer interested *click*.13 -
Manager: What’s taking so long on that PR?? It’s just some small styling adjustments
Dev: No it’s not you added an entire new calendar module that doesn’t work
Manager: Ok but besides that it’s just a small couple of css edits
Dev: You made styling changes in 50 files, half of which break our mobile responsiveness
Manager: Well then STOP talking to me and FIX IT if you’re so smart.
Dev: You also added a series of filters on a table in this same PR that cause th—
Manager: OK SO I GOT A BIT DISTRACTED THE FACT IS IT ALL NEEDS TO GET DONE SO IT DOESN’T MATTER IF IT’S ALL ON ONE PR SPLITTING THINGS UP INTO SMALL UPDATES IS JUST UNNECESSARY BUREAUCRACY AND IF YOU LIKE THAT THEN GO. WORK. FOR. THE GOVERNMENT!!!
Dev: …10 -
Dev: Why did you suddenly start adding random whitespace to the end of all of the files in your PRs?
Manager: IT’S NOT RANDOM!
Dev: ?
Manager: That’s a way I came up with for tracking my contributions. Every time I edit a file I add a line of whitespace at the bottom so it’s clear to everyone how much and how often I’ve contributed to the team. Although I haven’t been doing it this entire time so I had to make up for this by adding more to files that I *know* I’ve touched a bunch before. Just think! Especially with how big my PRs are compared to everyone else the tally of my contributions is going to get huge!
Dev: …18 -
Manager: You can’t define an async function without using await.
Dev: Yes you can.
Manager: Well you shouldn’t, there’s no point!
Dev: Yes there is. It can turn blocking synchronous logic into work performed concurrently. In this case the perform—
Manager: It’s called async *await*. Async *AWAIT*! Did you hear the two parts to that? You shouldn’t ever have one without the other. THEY GO TOGETHER. Worrying about concurrency is for people who use callbacks which just goes to show how out of date your skills are. I’m reading a book on javascript and there are so many advanced techniques out there that I haven’t even seen you use ONCE!
Dev: …
*I looked at the book he’s reading, it’s from the < ES6 era… no wonder he doesn’t see me using any of those archaic patterns/hacks/workarounds…*13 -
Me: So what if this field has no info?
NonDev Manager: There should always be data in that field.
Me: *Shows the field has default set as null*
NonDev Manager: *thinks thinks thinks*, but they are always added...how...if...
Me: I'll default to X behavior.
NonDev Manager: ...Yeah...do that.
I know what should happen but it's so fun to see non-dev's scratch their heads with business logic edge cases that seem nonsensical to them. Yeah I'm a bit of a dick.3 -
Manager: How come the push to prod didn’t happen?
Dev: We told you at the scrum yesterday. To reiterate, our dev environment was crashing so it’s not safe to push to prod until that is fixed.
Manager: Ok well lets set a goal to fix that and push to prod happens today so that it guaranteed happens.
Dev: That was our goal yesterday and it definitely didn’t happen.
Manager: I AM AWARE OF THAT. The corrective action is that this time compliance with the goal is 100% ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY!!
Dev: We’ll do our best, can’t guarantee anything until we figure out what the nature of what is occurring on dev though.
Manager: NO. I AM THE BOSS. YOU WILL 100% ABSOLUTELY COMPLY WITH THIS. THAT IS AN ORDER. YOU WILL SUCCESSFULLY GET THIS UPDATE OUT TO PROD TODAY. ANYTHING LESS THAN THAT SHALL BE CONSIDERED INSUBORDINATION. I WANT STATUS UPDATES EVERY 15 MINUTES ON WHERE WE ARE AT WITH THIS.
Dev: …
Dev: Can I get you to send me that request in an email?
*Manager leaves the meeting*
// *****************************
Job search is ticking along. It’s tough going though because I currently make ~120k and the best offers I’ve received so far are all ~70k because “You only have 2 years experience so you couldn’t possibly have the skills to be worth 120k. You are are junior level developer and 70K is already overpaying for you. We can pay you more later™. No we will not give you that in writing”. Ah well, the hunt continues.17 -
Dev: * In the middle of pushing to prod *
Manager: Hey btw I forgot to mention the client asked for these 5 features awhile back as a part of this update and they just reminded me about them, I haven’t created tickets yet or told anyone about this. Will these features be included in the update that’s going out today?
Dev: …9 -
Every 2 months without fail:
Manager: I don’t understand what the point of writing tests is. They only ever pass and when they fail we just fix them so they pass again! It’s completely redundant!!! An exercise in absolute futility!
Dev: …19 -
Manager: In ALL cases if someone uses vanilla javascript to do something instead of a library then that is a sign they are an ABSOLUTE BEGINNER!!!
Dev: …12 -
So this guy is supposed to do the frontend.
I do the backend.
I offer an endpoint.
He does his HTML+CSS magic.
Me: Cool but data is hardcoded. Could you get the data from the endpoint I sent you?
Him: "I'd prefer you do that, I can make a git repo so you download the front."
... So you don't do frontend, you just write pretty layouts. And I have to actually write the frontend logic? Go f yourself.14 -
Manager: In order to increase business resiliency we will be doing cross training this week.
Dev: What does that involve?
Manager: Everyone will do everyone else’s job for one day each. After this you will all be considered trained so that if anyone can easily fill in for anyone else.
Dev: …9 -
Interviewer: We keep having devs take off for other opportunities after a short period of time. We need someone loyal who will be sticking around for the long haul. Oh wait, you only have one dev company you’ve worked for on your resume? Yeah that’s not good, we only hire devs who have worked for lots and lots of companies.
Dev: …9 -
Interviewer: Hello my name is Alyssa from Sheeple and my pronouns are she/her
Dev: Oh yeah I saw that in your email
Interviewer: Ok well I am just letting you know they are still the same
Dev: Thanks for that.
Interviewer: What are your pronouns?
Dev: div/span
Interviewer: Sorry?
Dev: he/him
Interviewer: Oh…ok. Let me know if that changes.
Dev: I promise you it won’t
Interviewer: Well you never know!
Dev: …48 -
Dev: We need a better name than “Data” for this class. It’s used for displaying a set of tiles with certain coordinates so maybe TileMap would be a bit more declarative?
Manager: No I don’t like that. Data is perfectly fine, this class is for managing data so it’s perfectly declarative you just need to get better at reading code. If you have to change it then DataObject or DataObjectClass might be a bit more specific.
Dev: …15 -
Manager: We should do X with the database
Dev: That will cause issue Y
Manager: But I read an article that said that issue Y wasn’t a problem
Dev: It did?
Manager: Well it didn’t mention issue Y
Dev: …2 -
Manager: Hey Dev I need to do QA on this PR.
Dev: That PR is not finished yet
Manager: Well do QA now anyway, that way when it is finished it can be merged in right away since QA has already been done on it. It’s a project management technique called “fast-tracking” and it improves efficiency.
Dev: …9 -
Company: We were able to save a couple of dollars by purchasing an entire fleet of ipads instead of iphones through our supplier!
Dev: Our users walk around an industrial facility carrying things all day, how will they carry these devices now that they no longer fit in their pockets.
Company: We can get them backpacks!
Dev: …
Dev: did you at least buy protective cases for them?
Company: We have to save money! Don’t worry we told the users not to drop them. Plus none of the old iphones were ever broken so this is a non-issue.
Dev: The iPhones are in cases, they drop them quite a bit.
Company: Oh, well they shouldn’t be doing that!
** They proceeded to buy the cheapest knockoff cases I’ve ever seen. At least one ipad is smashed a week now, backpacks aren’t used because of lack on convenience. All this in the name of seeming to shave off a couple bucks for a one time purchase that didn’t even need to be made, iphones were working perfectly fine. Meanwhile there are glaring issues at the company getting ignored because they get themselves continually distracted by unhelpful pet projects that address things that are not broken and often make them worse.8 -
Manager: I don’t understand! How come you take twice as long to do tickets as anyone else but your PRs are stuck in QA for half the time as anyone else??
Dev: …8 -
Manager: We will be building a new app. THIS TIME EVERYTHING MUST BE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT, ANYTHING LESS THAN TOP QUALITY WORK WILL BE REJECTED!!
*Not even 2 days into the new project*
Manager: Ok that’s good enough, we can fix it later. Can you go quicker on the next feature? Just sacrifice a bit of quality so we get these tickets closed as fast as possible. I said we can fix it later. Getting tickets closed asap is top priority.
Dev: …3 -
A memorial for my favorite rant of all time "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Assembler Chicken: First, it builds the road ......
C Chicken: It crosses the road without looking both ways.
C++ Chicken: The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you' d simply refer to him on the other side.
COBOL Chicken: 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING.
IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES
THEN PERFORM 0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTIL
ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE
ELSE
GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING
Cray Chicken: Crosses faster than any other chicken, but if you don't dip it in liquid nitrogen first, it arrives on the other side frazzled.
Delphi Chicken: The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on the other side.
Gopher Chicken: Tried to run but got beaten by the Web chicken.
Intel Pentium Chicken: The chicken crossed 4.9999978 times.
Iomega Chicken: The chicken should have ' backed up' before crossing.
Java Chicken: If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, then the server will download one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets.) See also WMI Monitor.
Linux Chicken: Don't you *dare* try to cross the road the same way we do!
Mac Chicken: No reasonable chicken owner would want a chicken to cross the road, so there's no way to tell it how to cross the road.
Newton Chicken: Can't cluck, can't fly, and can't lay eggs, but you can carry it across the road in your pocket.
OOP Chicken: It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message.
OS/2 Chicken: It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so quiet that nobody noticed.
Microsoft's Chicken: It's already on both sides of the road. What's more its just bought the road.
Windows 95 Chicken: You see different coloured feathers while it crosses, but when you cook it still tastes like........ chicken.
Quantum Logic Chicken: The chicken is distributed probabilistically on all sides of the road until you observe it on the side of your choice.
VB Chicken: USHighways! <TheRoad.cross> (aChicken)
XP Chicken Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on running.
The Longhorn Chicken had an identity crisis and is now calling itself Vista.
The Vista Chicken dazzled itself with its own graphics.23 -
Interviewer: Time limit for this exercise was an hour and you took 2 hours so you fail. Best of luck next time
Dev: Look I really don’t think your assessment has a very fair time limit. The only way you could do this in an hour is by knowing what the problem was beforehand and having all these niche utilities written ahead of time.
Interview: Oh yeah we had one guy that did that, he did the entire thing in only 45 minutes! We hired him immediately!
Dev: …6 -
colleague in a planning meeting: so now it's Easter, which in Germany is public holidays on friday and monday
PM: i as a manager would find it great if there weren't any public holidays
yeah not surprised, but thank fuck you're not the one to decide that... some people are trying to have a life^^12 -
Interviewer: Here is the interview challenge. Tell me what the expected output is. You have 5 minutes.
** 100 line class with 4 async methods that contain if/thens nested 4 layers deep that call each other and log things to the console
Dev: Ok wow this is a bit of a maze to work through but I’ll try my best.
** 1 minute later of reading through the code
Interviewer: One minute has elapsed. There is now 4 minutes remaining.
Dev: Actually could you please not interject with time updates like that while I’m reading code? It makes the challenge harder than necessary. Just letting me know when the time is up would be fine.
Interviewer: Ok.
** ~2 minutes later trying to comb through this spaghetti mess
Interviewer: What do you think are you getting close to figuring it out?
Dev: …5 -
The nightmare continues.
Currently dealing with a code review from a “principal” dev (one step above senior), who is unironically called a “legendary dev” by some coworkers. It’s painfully obvious he didn’t read the code, and just started complaining and nitpicking.
It’s full of requests to do things that make absolutely no sense, and would make the code an unmaintainable mess.
• Ex: moving the logic and data collection from the module’s many callers into the module instead of just passing in the data.
• Ex: hiding api endpoint declarations by placing them in the module itself, and using magic instance variables to pass data to it. Basically: using global functions and variables instead of explicit declarations and calls.
• Ex: moving the logic to determine which api endpoint to use, for all callers, into the view.
More comments about methods being “too complex” (barely holds water) right next to comments saying “why are these separate? merge them together!”
Incredulously asking how many times I’m checking permissions and how ridiculous it all is. (The answer? Twice.)
Conflating my “permissions” param and method names with a supposedly forthcoming permissions system overhaul, and saying I shouldn’t use permissions because my code will all have to get rewritten. Even if that were true, and it’s likely not, the ticket still needs to use the current permissions. I can’t just ignore them because they might be rewritten someday.
Requests to revert some code cleanup because the reviewer thought the previous heavily-nested and uncommented versions (with code duplication) were easier to read. Unsurprisingly, he wrote them.
On the same ticket, my boss wants me to remove all styling and clientside validation, debouncing, and error messages from a form. Says “success” and “connection failed” messages are good enough. The form in question sends SMS and email using arbitrary user input for addresses. He also says it shouldn’t be denounced on the server, and doesn’t want me to bother checking permissions. Hello, spam!
Related: the legendary dev reviewer says he can’t think of a reason why we would want to disable the feature for consumers, so I should remove the consumer feature flag.
You can’t make this stuff up.9 -
Do managers not fucking understand that Jira is meant to eliminate all this stupid "What's the status with X?", and "Is Y done yet?" chatter. Our communication channels should be on business logic and other global updates about the company, not about fucking workflow status updates because you have nothing else to do with your day but ping me every 5 minutes.
LOOK AT THE REVIEW COLUMN ON JIRA. I MEAN ITS LITERALLY CALLED REVIEW. SO REVIEW IT AND DO YOUR FUCKING JOB.
I swear the devs consistently have a better overview on timelines and project status than management does - which is sad, because this is literally the definition of management!!!19 -
Manager: You know you really shouldn’t pay off your mortgage faster than you absolutely have to. It’s the cheapest money you’ll ever get!
Dev: I’d rather work towards being debt free. Besides my RRSP (401k) is already maxed out
Manager: RRSPs are a scam! TFSAs (Roth IRAs) are way better
Dev: My TFSA is maxed out too
Manager: 😡 You still shouldn’t pay off your mortgage!
Dev: …17 -
Manager: Here's the design for the next feature, we're ready to hand it over to the consultant
FullStackClown: Uh... okay... is it spec'd out with requirements?
Manager: Huh?
FullStackClown: Well, already look at this design and user flow, did you consider what happens when <insert edge case X here>, <insert edge case Y here>, or <insert edge case Z here>? How is the consultant going to know what to put in for business logic if you don't even know or define it yourself?
Manager: Huh?
FullStackClown: Sigh... yeah, I'm too busy right now to be a kindergarten teacher, come back in a few days once you understand how your own feature is supposed to work
Manager: ...
Dev: ...5 -
Manager: I want the front ends to be more dumb, too much logic is happening on the frontend.
Me: both of the sites are just multi step forms, I’m confused about the complexity part.
Manager: yea but don’t we have a bunch of third party api calls?
Me: we have 4 and they are public facing apis.
Manager: yea, make a new api and move this api calls to the backend and I want both frontend teams to send the same shape payload.
Me: but…
Manager: oh and I don’t like how the business team does the a/b testing and splitting traffic, let’s move that to the backend as well.
Me: but… that a/b testing platform they use in ran by another team and they have a full set of features for business analytics…
Manager: yea let’s just replicate those features and move them to the backend.
Me: but it’s a product!
Manager: look! You are the best backend engineer we got! I know you can do this!
Me: I lead the frontend teams…
Manager: ….
Manger: good news we are giving you a promotion with raise you are now a senior engineer.
Me: I confused but happy… I think..9 -
Manager logic: Adding "somehow" to the front of the JIRA title for the JIRA description is super clear and helpful.
Example:
Title: Chat screen doesn't work
Description: Somehow chat screen doesn't work7 -
Dev: (Watches user print out screenshot of maintenance app to do list, walk across facility to printer. walk across facility to equipment and check things off on paper, then walk across facility back to their terminal and copy the findings over.)
Dev: We made the app responsive so they could do that on a mobile device. Why are they printing?
Manager: Printers are cheaper than getting more tablets.
Dev: …
Dev: Can we at least get a printer at each terminal so they don’t waste so much time walking across the facility?
Manager: That’s too many printers to maintain. It’s easier to just have one.
Dev: …8 -
So I've decided if I am invited to a school career day the what I'll do is this.
1. Start by handing out one of those logic puzzles that are like Sally lives 2 houses down from Bill, Bill is 3 houses away from Maggie where does Jerry live type of thing. Then I'll tell the kids they have 10 minutes to figure it out.
2. After about three minutes I'll tell them that they also need to figure out where Jerry lives and not give them enough information to figure that out.
3. 5 minutes in I'll start asking them why it is taking so long, and it shouldn't be that hard. I'll also ask about where Phil lives who was never mentioned before.
4. At 7 minutes I'll look for anyone who might be figuring it out and tell them there is a much more important high priority problem I need them to solve and give them a new puzzle and tell them I expect them both to be done on time.
5. At nine minutes I'll start yelling at them that they must not be that good and why they haven't finished yet if any of them complain I'll tell them they are just dumb.
6. At ten minutes I'll ask them to turn it in and then immediately throw it in the trash and tell them that wasn't what they were supposed to be doing, and tell them they did it wrong.
I figure that is a pretty good representation of what working in software engineering is like.3 -
Ah the day before launch of a new app. And right on schedule the businesses is attempting to completely alter their requirements including a COMPLETE OVERHAUL OF THE DATABASE MODEL TO ADDRESS AN ISSUE THAT HAS ALREADY BEEN FIXED. I wish they would share the drugs they are clearly on so I could also live in this dreamland delusion where you can turn something completely on its head right on the finish line and expect everything to go well.
Manager: Hey I think I have a solution to that performance we talked about last week
Dev: I already fixed it, it only takes 1 second instead of 30 now.
Manager: Ok but I’ve also figured out a solution. If we completely change the entire database model that one query could potentially be even faster according to my understanding of how databases operate.
Dev: I fixed it without the need for that, actually it was just a matter of better conc—
Manager: I think we should go with MY solution. Drop everything and restructure the database immediately! Be quick, as you know we launch this application tomorrow! Have an extra coffee today and just crush it out, don’t overthink this either just do it.
Dev: …11 -
Dev: What are the requirements?
Client: I want to make my boss happy so that I get lots of money and promotions.
Dev: What does your boss want?
Client: He wants to be happy
Dev: …
Client: Also I don’t want to expend any effort or resources to achieve this
Dev: …4 -
Most successful project... What is success?
My first computer at 8 years old was a Commodore64. There was no internet yet, so I used the manual to learn about BASIC and assembly, sound and sprite registers, and created a pretty elaborate RPG. Mostly text, some sprite art, soldered some eeprom cartridges, optimized the code. Spent almost a year on it. An enthousiast magazine picked up on it, revised, QA'ed & published the game, sold a little over 10k samples. I got ƒ0.25 per sale, and I was completely overwhelmed how much candy one could buy for ƒ2500 ($2k corrected for inflation).
More recent:
I was employee #3 at my current company, started when it was worth nothing and the website redirected to a set of Google Forms containing all the logic. I wrote a large part of the first, monolithic backend.
Now there's teams in a dozen countries, and an estimated revenue of a quarter billion.
So obviously my current "project" is more successful.
Still, my current job sucks, the company turned into a desolate passion-free wasteland full of soulless fake hipster zombies and managers who seem to derive sexual pleasure from holding extremely ineffective meetings, endlessly rubbing their calendars together in their bureaucratic orgy of ineptitude.
So, I'm more proud of my C64 game.2 -
there is another team in our company that has its site in the US. we haven't been working with them for very long, but we do have some common topics on which we work loosely together and exchange some information from time to time. i have met the guys only once in person when they visited Germany.
PM asked one of the devs of this team if he could move to another time zone, so it would be easier for us in Europe to arrange meetings with him.
move to another timezone. within the US. to the other side of the country where there's noone he knows. also, no site of ours.
only so it's easier for PM to arrange fucking meetings with him.
can you believe that? i cringed so hard when PM told me about that. (of course the guy refused, shocked pikachu)
and when he thought aloud that maybe he should ask the guy to move to Germany, i told him that the colleague wouldn't do that and that this was a terrible idea. he was really surprised and asked "hmm, you think?"
dafuq, hell yeah i think?!3 -
* Recruiter says he has a nice proposition
* I say that I'm not comfortable switching jobs yet, but I'd be up for a short phone interview to hear him out, out of pure interest
* Recruiter explains a lot about the company, and then asks if I am up for "a short Teams introduction with the team lead to hear more"
* I say yes, though still stating that I do not intend on switching, but want to know more in case of a future possibility
* Recruiter says I need to send my full CV / Resumé plus grades from every school I ever intended (including the early ones that doesn't even matter)
* I say no since 1) I'd have to dig them out from the basement, 2) I am not looking for a job right now, and 3) This request is absurd to me, and NOT a norm in my part of the world when I am not applying.
* He says I HAVE to, since I could be lying
(I am mostly self-taught and have very little actual education, so this logic made NO sense to me)
* I continue to say no, stating that it's simply not worth the time finding the old grades in the basement for a job I will not be taking, and that I am mostly self-taught so grades wouldn't matter
* He starts getting angry, accusing me of "purposefully wasting his time", and says he'll warn the company about me.
Fair point. I'll warn my contacts about you then. Have a nice day, you f*cking prick :)3 -
Recruiter: Hello I’m recruiting for an exciting opportunity at a rapidly growing company with loads of potential
Dev: *Looks up company on google*
Dev: Their stock has been declining for the past 2 years. 3 months ago their valuation just dropped by 80%…. How are they growing?
Recruiter: Oh that happened to every company at the end of 2021.
Dev: …I guarantee you it did not.
Recruiter: …
Dev: …6 -
Got reminded of this job search bullshit they say after interviews, when they say you're not "fit for the culture" but they want you to be "challenging the status-quo".
Like, take a fucking pick. Either you want someone who follows and fits in, or you want someone who innovates and stands out. 😒8 -
I am mentally burned out from web development.
Physically I'm fine, but it's getting more difficult each day to open my laptop and write code, documentation or do code reviews.
Web development just seems so meaningless, where my day to day job has me trudging through one web form after another. I'm sick of implementing business logic on the backend and tired of listening to the product owner bitch about users who are demanding.
My productivity has fallen to the level where I'm feeling guilty for spending my time on nothing!
Don't give me advice, I know I need a change of scenery.
I just need to find the motivation to work on another hiring test which has nothing to do with the actual job.8 -
001 REM Code review
010 PRINT "Nitpick nitpick nitpick nitpick nitpick"
011 GOSUB REFACTOR
020 PRINT "This function is too complicated, break it up"
021 GOSUB REFACTOR
030 PRINT "Why do you have three methods for this? Put all the logic in one method."
031 GOSUB REFACTOR
040 GOTO 020
041 REM ARGH
998 PRINT "Looks good."
999 STOP9 -
*During a walk around to check on the users*
Dev: *Watching worker laboriously dragging pallet jack with one wobbly wheel and another wheel practically seized*
Dev: Hey that looks broken, can’t you swap it out in the maintenance building?
Worker: If you do that management will give you one that’s worse.
Dev: …This fucking company
** Worker later threw out his back, company’s corrective action was to send out notice reminding employees to stretch before doing physical tasks19 -
You will know your 2 year old dev team is messed up when the 'best programmer of the bunch' does a line like:
boolean check = ...some logic...;
if(check == true) {...
:/ and I'm going to be leading this team..11 -
Client: Too many of our business processes take place on excel and paper! We need to modernize our business processes. Build an app that can do the main things we do with excel and paper in app form.
Dev (4 months later): Here it is
Client: Ok some of our users want to still use excel and paper so build the ability to print the app and export/import to excel so they can continue working the way they always have alongside our new app.
Dev: …6 -
I can't figure out shit..
To be honest I created this profile just so I can write down somewhere what I am going through.
So, once upon a time I had graduated from college and went right into a corporate (has only been 2 years since). I was fortunate enough that I got assigned a project that was just starting, and even though I had no clue what was going on, I started doing whatever was assigned.
I initially worked in java and then finished all my tasks earlier than expected, so they switched me to another C++ project that builds on top of it.
Fast forward 2.5 years, I'm now the team lead of the CPP project and all my friends who were in the core team have left the company.
As usual, the reason behind it is shitty management. These mfs won't hire competent people and WILL ABSOLUTELY NOT retain the ones that are. I can feel it in my bones that it is time for me to leave, but fuck me if I understand what I am good at.
I have been able to handle all the tasks that they threw at me, be it java or c++ - just because I love logic and algorithms. I have been dabbling in ML and AI since 4-5 years now, but could never go into it full time.
Now I'm looking at the job postings and Jesus Christ these bitches do not understand what they want. I have to be expert in 34567389 technologies, mastering each of whom (by mastering I mean become proficient in) would need at least 6-8 months if not more, all with 82146867+ years of experience in them.
I don't know if I am supposed to learn on Java (so spring boot and stuff) or I'm supposed to do c++ or I'm gonna go with Python or should I learn web dev or database management or what.
I like all of these things, and would likely enjoy working in each of these, but for fucks sake my cv doesn't show this and most of the bitch ass recruiter portals keep putting my cv in the bin.
Yeah...
If you have read so far, here's a picture of a cat and a dog.
5 -
Worst collaboration experience story?
I was not directly involved, it was a Delphi -> C# conversion of our customer returns application.
The dev manager was out to prove waterfall was the only development methodology that could make convert the monolith app to a lean, multi-tier, enterprise-worthy application.
Starting out with a team of 7 (3 devs, 2 dbas, team mgr, and the dev department mgr), they spent around 3 months designing, meetings, and more meetings. Armed with 50+ page specification Word document (not counting the countless Visio workflow diagrams and Microsoft Project timeline/ghantt charts), the team was ready to start coding.
The database design, workflow, and UI design (using Visio), was well done/thought out, but problems started on day one.
- Team mgr and Dev mgr split up the 3 devs, 1 dev wrote the database access library tier, 1 wrote the service tier, the other dev wrote the UI (I'll add this was the dev's first experience with WPF).
- Per the specification, all the layers wouldn't be integrated until all of them met the standards (unit tested, free from errors from VS's code analyzer, etc)
- By the time the devs where ready to code, the DBAs were already tasked with other projects, so the Returns app was prioritized to "when we get around to it"
Fast forward 6 months later, all the devs were 'done' coding, having very little/no communication with one another, then the integration. The service and database layers assumed different design patterns and different database relationships and the UI layer required functionality neither layers anticipated (ex. multi-users and the service maintaining some sort of state between them).
Those issues took about a month to work out, then the app began beta testing with real end users. App didn't make it 10 minutes before users gave up. Numerous UI logic errors, runtime errors, and overall app stability. Because the UI was so bad, the dev mgr brought in one of the web developers (she was pretty good at UI design). You might guess how useful someone is being dropped in on complex project , months after-the-fact and being told "Fix it!".
Couple of months of UI re-design and many other changes, the app was ready for beta testing.
In the mean time, the company hired a new customer service manager. When he saw the application, he rejected the app because he re-designed the entire returns process to be more efficient. The application UI was written to the exact step-by-step old returns process with little/no deviation.
With a tremendous amount of push-back (TL;DR), the dev mgr promised to change the app, but only after it was deployed into production (using "we can fix it later" excuse).
Still plagued with numerous bugs, the app was finally deployed. In attempts to save face, there was a company-wide party to celebrate the 'death' of the "old Delphi returns app" and the birth of the new. Cake, drinks, certificates of achievements for the devs, etc.
By the end of the project, the devs hated each other. Finger pointing, petty squabbles, out-right "FU!"s across the cube walls, etc. All the team members were re-assigned to other teams to separate them, leaving a single new hire to fix all the issues.5 -
I AM TIRED
warning: this rant is going to be full of negativity , CAPS, and cursing.
People always think and they always write that programming is an analytical profession. IF YOU CANNOT THINK IN AN ANALYTICAL WAY THIS JOB IS NOT FOR YOU! But the reality could not be farther from the truth.
A LOT of people in this field whether they're technical people or otherwise, just lack any kind of reasoning or "ANALYTICAL" thinking skills. If anything, a lot of of them are delusional and/or they just care about looking COOL. "Because programming is like getting paid to solve puzzles" *insert stupid retarded laugh here*.
A lot of devs out there just read a book or two and read a Medium article by another wannabe, now think they're hot shit. They know what they're doing. They're the gods of "clean" and "modular" design and all companies should be in AWE of their skills paralleled only by those of deities!
Everyone out there and their Neanderthal ancestor from start-up founders to developers think they're the next Google/Amazon/Facebook/*insert fancy shitty tech company*.
Founder? THEY WANT TO MOVE FAST AND GET TO MARKET FAST WITH STUPID DEADLINES! even if it's not necessary. Why? BECAUSE YOU INFERIOR DEVELOPER HAVE NOT READ THE STUPID HOT PILE OF GARBAGE I READ ONLINE BY THE POEPLE I BLINDLY COPY! "IF YOU'RE NOT EMBARRASSED BY THE FIRST VERSION OF YOU APP, YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG" - someone at Amazon.
Well you delusional brainless piece of stupidity, YOU ARE NOT AMAZON. THE FIRST VERSION THAT THIS AMAZON FOUNDER IS EMBARRASSED ABOUT IS WHAT YOU JERK OFF TO AT NIGHT! IT IS WHAT YOU DREAM ABOUT HAVING!
And oh let's not forget the tech stacks that make absolutely no fucking sense and are just a pile of glue and abstraction levels on top of abstraction levels that are being used everywhere. Why? BECAUSE GOOGLE DOES IT THAT WAY DUH!! And when Google (or any other fancy shit company) changes it, the old shitty tech stack that by some miracle you got to work and everyone is writing in, is now all of a sudden OBSOLETE! IT IS OLD. NO ONE IS WRITING SHIT IN THAT ANYMORE!
And oh my god do I get a PTSD every time I hear a stupid fucker saying shit like "clean architecture" "clean shit" "best practice". Because I have yet to see someone whose sentences HAVE TO HAVE one of these words in them, that actually writes anything decent. They say this shit because of some garbage article they read online and in reality when you look at their code it is hot heap of horseshit after eating something rancid. NOTHING IS CLEAN ABOUT IT. NOTHING IS DONE RIGHT. AND OH GOD IF THAT PERSON WAS YOUR TECH MANAGER AND YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THEM RUNNING THEIR SHITHOLE ABOUT HOW YOUR SIMPLE CODE IS "NOT CLEAN". And when you think that there might be a valid reason to why they're doing things that way, you get an answer of someone in an interview who's been asked about something they don't know, but they're trying to BS their way to sounding smart and knowledgable. 0 logic 0 reason 0 brain.
Let me give you a couple of examples from my unfortunate encounters in the land of the delusional.
I was working at this start up which is fairly successful and there was this guy responsible for developing the front-end of their website using ReactJS and they're using Redux (WHOSE SOLE PURPOSE IS TO ELIMINATE PASSING ATTRIBUTES FOR THE PURPOSE OF PASSING THEM DOWN THE COMPONENT HIERARCHY AGIAN). This guy kept ranting about their quality and their shit every single time we had a conversation about the code while I was getting to know everything. Also keep in mind he was the one who decided to use Redux. Low and behold there was this component which has THIRTY MOTHERFUCKING SEVEN PROPERTIES WHOSE SOLE PURPOSE IS BE PASSED DOWN AGAIN LIKE 3 TO 4 TIMES!.
This stupid shit kept telling me to write code in a "functional" style. AND ALL HE KNOWS ABOUT FUNCTIONAL PROGRAMMING IS USING MAP, FILTER, REDUCE! And says shit like "WE DONT NEED UNIT TESTS BECAUSE FUNCTIONAL PROGRAMMING HAS NO ERRORS!" Later on I found that he read a book about functional programming in JS and now he fucking thinks he knows what functional programming is! Oh I forgot to mention that the body of his "maps" is like 70 fucking lines of code!
Another fin-tech company I worked at had a quote from Machiavelli's The Prince on EACH FUCKING DESK:
"There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things."
MOTHERFUCKER! NEW ORDER OF THINGS? THERE 10 OTHER COMPANIES DOING THE SAME SHIT ALREADY!
And the one that got on my nerves as a space lover. Is a quote from Kennedy's speech about going to the moon in the 60s "We choose to go to the moon and do the hard things ..."
YOU FUCKING DELUSIONAL CUNT! YOU THINK BUILDING YOUR SHITTY COPY PASTED START UP IS COMPARABLE TO GOING TO THE MOON IN THE 60S?
I am just tired of all those fuckers.13 -
it is really frustrating not to be able to actually maintain and improve the code you're working with. i'd be happy to completely dig in and live in the code and get it all - not so much fucked up - , or, totally spitballing here, do some research on how we could improve the functionality and performance in general (which is not "nice to have", but rather ongoing customer pain points), but I'm not allowed to, because management hates having maintainable code or even an adequate number of devs. it rather has me doing hippity hoppity between different projects to make sure nothing gets my full attention. -.-
the only thing i can do is to clean it up a bit during bug fixes, but even heavy polishing won't fix this giant pile of garbage that is called our code base.2 -
May be just me, but I am quite frustrated with complexity of systems nowadays, even more how it’s became a norm for developers to import a library for every little sh*t…
Like, do you even need to import that OSS library, can’t you make it without it? Is it really worth it to import that monstrous library of 10k loc, just so you can save writing those 50loc for just once?
It almost feels like it’s driven by logic “if you don’t own the code, then you don’t need to maintain it”. But ironically you still need to mantain it, only now not the code (best case), but the library itself. You have to upgrade it (for security, bug fixes) and you better pray there’re no breaking changes. And if you encounter an edge case/bug that no one addressed yet, then well, I bet you wished you didn’t use that library in the first place.
It’s so much easier to support small piece of code within your codebase, than fix a bug in a library, that possibly has thousands of unnecessary dependencies, enormous abstraction trees, and infinity loc to support all possible use cases, which your project doesn’t even care about.
Just to make it clear, I am not talking, about cases where some library would really do some heavy lifting for you, it would be non-sensical not to use it in that case.
And talking about complexity, let’s not even mention microservices, kubernetes, and other hyped stuff…
Does anyone else shares the sentiment?17 -
Why is it what so many developers think that they are the sole genius surrounded by idiots and completely lack in interpersonal skills or the ability to see other people's arguments as valid? Honestly, with some people it's like working with an emotionally stunted teenager. I literally spoke to someone yesterday who thinks it's impossible to come to a compromise or agreement about anything unless there is a third party to arbitrate and mindlessly insists on his own way in literally every disagreement, even after admitting his logic is faulty. It's like watching a spotty 17 year old argue about politics online I swear it.5
-
A gigantic codebase of several tens of millions of loc [prolly hundreds of mill's as we don't see all of it] in java EE.
Very complex business logic where bells have their own whistles with their own bells with .... You get it.
Very fine-tuned performance to make app so performant that the only bottleneck becomes the db. The beefiest rds instance becomes too laggy [orm, so sqls are immutable]
Client moves to rewrite the whole thing in PHP. Motivation: lower TTM
:facepalm:11 -
I'm a perfectionist and like things done the right way, but had to learn to let go and remind myself it's the clients site and their choice. No amount of logic and reasoning is going to stop a hellbent client from wanting the dumb things they want, even when it's bad for design, performance, usability and/or SEO.1
-
Manager’s PR Description: I made changes relating to a ticket which should work as expected. I also made various other changes as I saw fit, test whatever else I changed too.
Dev: …2 -
ever had the experience that people want you to do UI development or think you can only do / you love UI development, just because they like your UI?
my former boss (dev) thought i had spent most of my development time for my in-house web app (student project) for the UI and didn't see the work i had put in the business logic behind (which was more). also, he wanted me to completely switch to 100% UI development after my studies. when he asked me what kind of work i could imagine in the future, i said different things, but also that i somehow hate UI development. XD if i have to do it sometimes, fine, no problem, but doing only UI sounds fucking boring to me.
however, then i got another boss and worked on new topics which i like and which are rather far away from UI development.
one day my former boss asked me how i was doing with the new topics, and i told him about the cool stuff i did. he was somewhat surprised and told me, he didn't know that i was also enthusiastic about those topics, and he had always thought that i was most interested in UI development.
...did you actually hear anything i said? xD
also, just because i can, doesn't mean i want to. 🤷♀️2 -
Company Motto: “Business is simple, hire amazing people and let then do their thing”
Company Culture: You can’t do that!! It’s really hard and expensive to hire people with those skills! How would we replace you or save money by continuing to not give you a raise if you did that!?1 -
Fuck you ios,storyboad,xibs,xcode. FUCK OFF!! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES. Literally giving me migrane with your fucking ass constraints!! Fuck you xcode for not having a terminal. Ios is utterly bullshit. Has fucking all kind of devices that I have to set constraint. Fuck you macos. You are slower than a snail. How on earth do you take so much time to build!!
Width, height, constraints, my ass! What is this fucking logic bro. Fuck you apple for making so many device of different sizes and then hiring us to set constraints. Warning warning warning oh what a load of crap!
I would rather die than set your fucking ass constraints.7 -
! Dev
YouTube constantly shows me ads for marriage and dating apps for muslims.
... I just want to know the logic behind that. Neither am I a Muslim nor am I into marriage. If anything, I'm considered an abomination in Islam. (I know enough about main religions, ThankYouVeryMuch) You see, my conspiracy theory is that YouTube is trying to make me racist (or rather, religionist?) by showing me irrelevant ads on a constant basis to make me angry.
I'm onto you YouTube!!! 👀47 -
!rant, but kinda
My new director wants to buy a solution for a portal environment that my institution currently has. I have no qualms over it. My only issue was the company that sells it to be known to provide close to 0 fucking support when shit arises.
During a presentation we were told that they were using state of the art JAVA technology to render items on the page and that their ApI was easy for devs to grasp. This caught my attention since I know of very few and obscure Java frameworks that work with frontend tech (as in, your frontend logic is legit in Java)
The sales people proceed to show us React. Obviously thinking that no one knows what REact was. The dude continues with "This is new Java tech" all proud and shit prompting me to interject that it is "Javascript" the dude brushes it away saying "same thing" to which I reply with "Negative, please make sure that you properly discern Java from Javascript since Java is to Javascript as car is to carpet, completely different environments" the dude sarcastically says that "oh well, didn't know one of the people here was more aware of our own technology than we are" to which I say "and not only that, but the final say in us adopting your tech is mine, so I would rather you keep the sarcasm and the attitude to yourself, bring in a tech person if need be and learn these distinctions since we don't work with Java"
My new director later on went to talk to me since he apparently thought that Java and JS were related in some way. I can't really fault it, last time the dude touched programming was in the early 2000s, previous boss was a C and COBOL developer, but the previous dude would ALWAYS take my word no questions ask, this dude was there asking me if I was sure that Javascript and Java were really completely different environments asking me to show him.
I do not like to be questioned. I shoot the shit here and don't really involve myself with more technical aspects under this platform unless it involves concrete architecture discussions and even there I really don't care with engaging on a forum concerning that. But concerning my job I really.......really do not like to be questioned by people that know way the fuck less than me. I started coding when I was 17, I am 30 now, with a degree and years of experience. I really hate to be questioned by this dude.2 -
Supervisor: YOU NEED TO INCREASE THE COVERAGE OF YOUR UNIT TESTS! THE FILE logger.js DOESN'T HAVE >80% COVERAGE! IMAGINE PICKING THIS UP 6 MONTHS FROM NOW!
Bro. It's a Winston instance.
I am literally exporting a fucking Winston instance with 0 custom logic.
If 6 months from now I take a file and can't understand a Winston instance anymore, you're well within your right to fire me on the spot.2 -
A few Challenges at my job:
- a CEO with zero tech skills and zero memory.
- a sysadmin with literal brain damage and epilepsy (but he's great, we just have had to learn how to deal with it)
- another (volunteer) sysadmin who we call @God on Slack and who usually only shows up in extreme crises.
- the budget of a tiny organization, the web traffic of a huge site.
- incoherent business logic subject to the whims of volunteers and the loudest users
- a main revenue stream that contradicts our main mission.
it's fun! woot.1 -
i was hired to join a team of old devs (40+) in an unnamed European country "yay goodbye 3rd world it's time to enjoy the quality of life" assist with enhancing already existing software and creating new solutions.
prior to my arrival most things were slow and super buggy, looking at the code base it shouldn't be a surprise, amateur hour everyone, logic implemented that is not needed, comment driven development, last time code review was done back in 1996. lots of anti patterns.
i swear there is a for loop that does nothing but it loops through a 100+ elements list, trunk based development with tfs since git is "not really needed"
test projects are not there.
>enter me an educated fool, with genuine passion for the craft and somehow a decent amount of knowledge.
>spent the last year fixing stuff educating people on principles and qualities.
> countless hours of training and explaining. team is showing cooperation, a new requirement comes in to develop with react.
> tear my ass creating reusable shit and self explanatory code with proper naming etc using git with feature branching, monday is first deployment day.
> today a colleague was working on an item submit a pull request and self approve it
> look at the code..... WTF the dumb fuck copied and pasted the whole code from different kendo components but somehow managed to refractor the name to test component, commented out all the code that he didn't use did the api call directly from the component, has 2 useeffects that depends on the a fucking text box changes for no reason, no redux implementation, the acceptance criteria is not achieved, and it doesn't work it just look right.
> first world country shit cannot scold, cannot complain, lead by example.
>asked him why you did this, the response was yeah probably i shouldn't have done that, i really didn't understand anything in the training but didn't want to waste time!!!!
> rest of the team created a different styled disaster with different flavors they don't even name their shit the same way.
fellow developers I'm stuck in a spaceship with a bunch of imposters, seriously i never cried in my entire life now I'm teary and on the verge of a break down.
talk with management "improving needs time" and offers me to join a yoga session to release the stress as if reaching nirvana would deliver shit on monday.
i really don't know what do is this a rant, is this a cry for help, I'm not sure, any advice is welcomed.7 -
None, actually.
Tho I should thank Mr. S, calculus teacher in my last year of highschool, and most of my physics teachers, and that one lady in first year of highschool teaching maths. I think those were way more important in teaching me logic than the folks who pretended to teach me stuff later in uni.
Oh, and that dude, Sir O.D., who was my professor of embedded microcontrollers in uni. Didn't teach me much programming, rather taught a memorable lesson on VHDL and how hardware really works. -
Management: Our internal app must be 100% rigid so that we users follow predefined process flows exactly so no mistakes are made while also being 100% flexible so that users are free to go about their business in whatever way they feel is appropriate for their own unique needs. These are the requirements!
Dev: …7 -
the amount of micromanagement enforced in our scrum routine is getting ridiculous... but the PM seems to be happy with this
14 -
Is the way people solve problems intrinsic to the native language they learned growing up? Can the shape of our thoughts be optimal for solving certain kinds of problems? Like sentence structure, grammar, etc.
If the pattern of thoughts a language promotes can help us solve problems. Then is there a spoken language that can help promote solving computer science problems?
I know I have to work to think differently to program in different styles of programming. I wonder if we can learn from different spoken languages patterns of logic that are applicable to engineering.
Mathematics, while not a spoken language, has helped me re-frame things in programming. I think programming has also helped in other areas. Like using binary search to find the end of a pipe in the ground.7 -
I can barely code properly while sober. Why would I introduce drunkenness into that equation? If drinking impairs driving heavy machinery, by what logic would it do anything to improve writing code?4
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i think it's a waste of time and resources to memorize syntax and other stuff you can google. since we have a lot of material available, we should focus on logic, more abstract concepts, stuff you can't copy paste. well, I think that should be the way in every area, not only CS15
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Back from the dead with more vaguely-obscure technical bullshit
Working on a chatbot for my BS-CS. Almost done with college, so the assignment is to make a bot that recommends you a CS career. Cool.
I get through making a joint personality and skill-interest quiz that gives you number grades on different spectra. So far, so good. But this project has to be done entirely in pandorabots' online editor. So no scripting. Zero scripting. 100% markup language. That means to even do math, you need to copy a standard library off GitHub.
I mean, that's fine and all, but the syntax is just atrocious, because everything in AIML is input->response. If you ask the bot "what is 5+5?" you must have it go:
- recognize pattern WHAT IS * + *
-> redirect -> XADD * XS *
-> do math -> recurse result
-> 10
uncomfy. Plus, variables can only be accessed through <get> and <set> tags. But mangeable.
So here's where the story becomes a rant.
In the standard docs, there's all these math functions, and they work. There's also logic.
And then there's this fucker
XIF [ * ] XS [ * ]
Which has no documentation and just doesn't work. No idea what the brackets mean. Tried putting in TRUE, tried putting in true math statements (5 XEQ 5), tried putting in recursion tags to trick it, tried everything. It just ignores it.
There is not a single comment, stackOverflow post, or youtube video that even acknowledges the existence of this thing.
So unless I want to convert the entire logic of my program into nested SWITCH statements with the <condition> tag, I'm just fucked.
The icing on the cake is, I go to tech support on Pandorabots to ask for help with this. What do they have except a chatbot to cheerfully tell me that no humans are around to help me right now?
gonna have to build an entire fuckin turing machine in markup tags to calculate whether x = 3
(:1 -
That feeling when you’ve got a reputation of preciseness etc, and the code you just submitted for review has so many silly little mistakes you just want to do that ostrich thing. Gosh, how can I suddenly suck at my job this bad?
Okay, the changes affect EVERYTHING in our codebase (a major change in core business logic), and there is no way I could’ve tested every possible case by myself without a decent coverage of automated tests - which we obviously don’t have. So yet another argument for it (damn management, won’t you listen?!)… but still, some of the mistakes found during code review make me seem like a complete idiot.9 -
After working with a bunch of people it occurred to me that almost anyone can work and learn for most IT positions. This is something that most people will realize, especially if they work with newbies that learn on the go. There are exceptions of course, but most companies are just making crud apps with their business logic.
What I wonder then is, why is it that the way hiring is done seems to be completely against this idea? Rather than whining about recruiters and bad interviews, I am curious about why this is so common. What is it that a lot of companies think or see that make their hiring process so bad or convoluted?11 -
"AI" Terminator style fear mongering is stupid as fuck, especially when its based on a well trained ML model that call itself sentient.
By that logic i would be god by calling myself a god.
No doube that ML can cause a lot of problems etc and should be supervised, but its entirely diffrent problems, than how stupid the medias talks about ML as "AI".12 -
Reasons to NOT be a dev sounds rather negative so I'd like to propose 3 things that you need to BE a dev as to frame it in a positive light:
- When a problem peaks your interest you want to solve it, you may even be obsessed by it.
- You enjoy learning, not necessarily enjoy school, just enjoy learning new things (even better if it's by your own means)
- Failure may get you down, but you learn and don't give up until you have exhausted all paths to success.
You may need other skills like math, logic and reasoning abilities, being able to handle deadlines, attention to detail, and cope with stress. I've seen people being crap at all of those and if they have the former 3 they, in time, will hone the others enough to make them a productive dev.
No need to be a 9-9-6 code monkey willing to be squeezed by Big Corp for massive profits and a low salary or a 1337 purist coder that only focuses on the crafting side of developing software. That may make you a great coder but not a well rounded developer or individual. Remember, you program machines but you are NOT one.
10 -
If you ask any sane person "hey, do you want to get some disease with fever, headache and potential risk of dying?", I doubt anyone will say "yes".
But if there exist a way to prevent it with a proven efficacy from both evidence-based medicine and science, why not get it today? I'm not even talking about covid. Why people are not getting their flu shots? How's that logic works? You mean you don't want disease, but you also don't want to take any measures to prevent it?
Every time in late autumn people get cold. For a sane person, one such case with themselves is enough to say "hey, I don't want this to happen again the next autumn". Yet people do nothing.
I can't understand this.
And this is only a flu. Hepatitis will destroy your liver and potentially will destroy your whole life, so why avoid vaccination?10 -
I went down a rabbit hole of code changes to try and delete a stupid for loop with a break in it.
It was super stupid and I gave up and submitted to the fact that some battles are not worth the time and stress.
OK... But seriously, It was returning multiple entities from the database, but we only always want the first one. My logic is that we should just go in there and fix the LINQ so we are explicitly getting one entity out.
But fuck that logic. No I'll have to change fucking everything that's tied to that method and expects a list from it. Every fucking thing. That includes error handling, parsing, for loops..... Nevermind...
You can have your foreach and your break. I'm taking mine, now.1 -
Was working on a system we planned on to deliver to a hospital
basically it was meant for controlling and monitoring pactions coming in and attendance time from the staff
Got it off the ground well and got to where the system was supposed to update room status
occupied/free then horror started
the db was not setting the room free after clearing a client off the list... room remained occupied and this kept on happening for 6 months and I was so focused on fixing the db models thinking thats where the problem was....
1 day after leaving the project for several months i just revisited the project randomly and started going through the whole code base trying to make sense of what was happening as there where no errors generated..
I had to verify the whole system logic... and that day i figured out what was happening...
upon adding a client to a room the system was also creating a duplicate room so when the function for setting the room free executes it would set the duplicate room free and not the actual room and the system would pick the room with occupied state causing the user not being able to assign new pactions to the room
Solving this brought so much relief coz it required so much work just to solve what seemed to be a minor issue6 -
well that's curious... Apparently, when uploading a csv file via bot, Slack now appends a .py suffix to it.
I wonder what's the logic behind it. Trick as many users as possible into executing potentially malicious code?21 -
took me years to learn js, php, c# and I ended up now learning and debugging STL... This twisted logic is soo painfull
3 -
I'm doing a code review on a huge feature, basically touching every part of our authorization logic, and man... It's like my colleague writes his code to be as hard to read as possible. He's 60+ and you'd think he'd have learned how to write good and clear code, but nope. "Let's make it cool cool and I look like I'm a genius. And if I can spend 3 keystrokes less on a function I'm happy". Fuck me.
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How do you deal with relatively complex Boolean logic requirements?
Here's a simple example, of which I missed 50% of the cases because it was non-intuitive to me:
A year is a leap year if:
- it is divisible by 4
- except it is also divisible by 100
- unless it is also divisible by 400
To my intuition, the logic tree is as follows:
if (year % 4 == 0) -> true
if (year % 100 == 0) -> false
if (year % 400 == 0) -> true
so I ended up with 3 cases and I initially missed all the others until I started coding.
The full solution is:
if(year % 4 === 0) {
if(year % 100 === 0) {
if(year % 400 === 0) {
true
} else {
false
}
false
} else {
true
}
true
} else {
false
}
}
I don't like it when I don't immediately see all logic paths.20 -
If C++ is ever uprooted by "the upstart" I am going to tell people:
"I use an electromagnetic probe to move around oxidized iron filings to form logic circuits for a living."4 -
If you find a programmer that uses getters() and setters() without any complex logic inside them, you should burn him/her/whatev with the strength of a thousand suns.20
-
It’s so unbelievable how dumb some people are - I’m on the side of adding logic to primary school programs before they start math.2
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Was working on a high priority security feature. We had an unreasonable timeline to get all of the work done. If we didn’t get the changes onto production before our deadline we faced the possibility of our entire suit being taken offline. Other parts of the company had already been shut down until the remediations could be made -so we knew the company execs weren’t bluffing.
I was the sole developer on the project. I designed it, implemented it, and organized the efforts to get it through the rest of the dev cycle. After about 3 month of work it was all up and bug free (after a few bugs had been found and squashed). I was exhausted, and ended up taking about a week and a half off to recharge.
The project consisted of restructuring our customized frontend control binding (asp.net -custom content controls), integrations with several services to replace portions of our data consumption and storage logic, and an enormous lift and shift that touched over 6k files.
When you touch this much code in such a short period of time it’s difficult to code review, to not introduce bugs, and _to not stop thinking about what potential problems your changes may be causing in the background_.3 -
hey devs, hope you all are doing good..
I was frustated by my salary.. I mean in this job I am good but I didn't got the expected growth..
So I find a job .. but before resigning because I know my boss is cool atleast he will listen .. so I leave him a message that I wanted to do more.. and got the other offers.. He said no worries.. we will match your package.. but now you can be associate TL and handle the team also..
I took the offer..
atleast I am satisified. The thing is new team is mostly are dumbo :( Will see how long I can pull..
or I am hoping my next rants will be something like.. I will join as junior dev pr same salary.. just take me out from this fucking TL role.. because I know what team is going to do.. someone stuck.. ask TL.. someone have internet issue ask TL.. don;t know css.. ask TL.. dont know logic.. ask TL. its look like I have to be google for team
Anyways will see how it goes.. I wish me luck
Ohh yeah if you are in TL roles.. could you share your experience please2 -
Question.. architecting a large system. I’ve broken it down to microservices for the DB and rest API / gateway
I want there to be some some processes that run continuously not event driven via rest. Say analytics for example what is the best way todo that? Just another service running on on a server? And said service has its own API? That when the other rest APIs are called could then hop and call the new service?
Or say we had a PDF upload via rest should that service then do the parsing before uploading to DB .. or should the rest api that does the uploading then call another rest api to another service dedicated todo the parsing and uploading to the db?
I think the bigger way to explain the question is the encapsulation between DAL.. data access layer which I have existing.. but then there’s the BLL .. buisness logic layer which I don’t know if it should have its own APIs via own microservices running in the background.10 -
I've been learning android app development using kotlin/java for about 4 months, and i think i'm pretty good with kotlin/java, i've learned a lot of things related to android development, i've cloned netflix,spotify and made streaming apps with firebase as the backend, and I think I understand using firebase quite well because firebase itself is not difficult to use. Is it for my current skills that I deserve to work as a freelancer or do I still have to improve my skills?if it yes,give me an example of what kind of application I should do to improve my skills again!,I've read the android studio docs what to know and I've studied everything even though I sometimes forget how to make this/make that but I understand the logic quite well ok, please help7
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I recently built an automated payout functionality for bank-to-bank transfers, and we initially looked at using the pain.001 XML schema to do it. Luckily, we ended up finding a service that has a simple REST API to do this instead. (Thank god we didn't go with the XML method, I know how much of a headache that could become, I can imagine the treasure trove of memes with naming an XML schema with the name PAIN)
Anyway, for one of our big-brained product managers, this will forever be the infamous "XML Task" that he continues to ask about and bring up. I've already clarified a few times that we have long chosen a solution process that has nothing to do with XML, but to no avail, it will forever be his "XML Task". Wonder what name he'll pick next time we need XML in a solution? "Second XML Task?" Let's just keep the mental overhead idiot train going!3 -
now... Im just tired and bored of what i do. i had a very hectic year rewriting a core functionality in my company, it was full of optimizations, logic improvements and learning new things.
I took 10 days off hoping id come hating my job less. I learned kotlin and worked on a personal server side project with it during the vacation and honestly i loved it. I missed learning new languages and concepts.
so i thought, well if i enjoyed coding during the vacation then my burnout is cured right ? well once i went back to work today I felt like shit and couldn't do a thing. disgusted of the idea coding for my employer. Too tired to continue my personal project after 8 hours of my job
I guess im back to square one2 -
Ugh, no.. You got yourself from dirty dental-dams of “Jif” believers, all the way to passed bass-ackwards. That PR is raw sewage and your demoted back to entry-level if not intern. Oh and while you’re crying with Morty’s dad; consider a career change. Most importantly, just forget WAN ever existed and go back to your parents first PAN device to play solitaire.
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Sincerely,
All engineers, reviewers and testers who clean up your leaking dirty diarrhea lines.5 -
This may be the most beautifully succinct service doc intro sentence I've ever written...
working on a shell library with the business logic for an Angular "white label" app workspace, and `ShellService` just got introduced as:
"this service serves to serve all other services.."
me thinks today is a good day for coding. 😎6 -
In most businesses, self-proclaimed full-stack teams are usually more back-end leaning as historically the need to use JS more extensively has imposed itself on back-end-only teams (that used to handle some basic HTML/CSS/JS/bootstrap on the side). This is something I witnessed over the years in 4 projects.
Back-end developers looking for a good JS framework will inevitably land on the triad of Vue, React and Angular, elegant solutions for SPA's. These frameworks are way more permissive than traditional back-end MVC frameworks (Dotnet core, Symfony, Spring boot), meaning it is easy to get something that looks like it's working even when it is not "right" (=idiomatic, unit-testable, maintainable).
They then use components as if they were simple HTML elements injecting the initial state via attributes (props), skip event handling and immediately add state store libraries (Vuex, Redux). They aren't aware that updating a single prop in an object with 1000 keys passed as prop will be nefarious for rendering performance. They also read something about SSR and immediately add Next.js or Nuxt.js, a custom Node express.js proxy and npm install a ton of "ecosystem" modules like webpack loaders that will become abandonware in a year.
After 6 months you get: 3 basic forms with a few fields, regressions, 2MB of JS, missing basic a11y, unmaintainable translation files & business logic scattered across components, an "outdated" stack that logs 20 deprecation notices on npm install, a component library that is hard to unit-test, validate and update, completely vendor-& version locked in and hundreds of thousands of wasted dollars.
I empathize with the back-end devs: JS frameworks should not brand themselves as "simple" or "one-size-fits-all" solutions. They should not treat their audience as if it were fully aware and able to use concepts of composition, immutability, and custom "hooks" paired with the quirks of JS, and especially WHEN they are a good fit. -
I am trying to isolate logic in React with functional components. Is it a bad idea to forwardref to a custom object that I use to expose actions? This way I could model the ref behavior from old class-based components where it was perfectly normal to represent a capability as a class method.
-
It should be possible to prove the collatz conjecture by mapping the unit digit transitions between numbers, namely into a finite state machine. From there we could use predicates and quanitifiers to prove, by process of exclusion, that for any given combination of 10s digit and 1s digit, no number can transition to anything but whats specified in the state machine assuming that number equals x in x3+1 or x/2
Ipso facto, a series of equations proving by process of elimination, that state machines transitions are the only allowable ones, would prove the collatz conjecture by proving the fsm is a valid representation for any given integer N.
I'm actually working on it now but I don't know enough about modular arithmetic and predicate logic to write a proof. I just have the state diagrams on some dot matrix paper at the moment.
If anyone wants to beat me to it, feel free.
So for example any number ending in 13, will, after x3+1, end in 40.
Any number ending in 40 will end in 20. Any number ending in 20 will end in 10, which will end in 5 as the unit digit.
It's easier to prove in the single digit case, and the finite state machine for that is already written, at least on paper.
I'll post pictures when I get a chance.7 -
How to deal with having to work on a very boring task?
I work as android dev in a company where there are around 40 of android devs in total. When I was working on frontend architecture and UI related tasks everything was perfect and I loved my job.
But now for the next couple months all of us have to work on migrating all of our db layer models and business logic related to them to a new built in house ORM library and its a total trainwreck.
Everyone is confused, the task is very boring and obscure and deadline is around 2 months. Just to clarify: one guy did 50% of migration and it took him couple years. Now they are throwing roughly 20 devs at the problem thinking they can do this in 1-2 months.
One week already passed and TBH I havent even started working on this, I just picked up a task and now Im trying to wrap my head around this. Its so boring and obscure and expectations are so unrealistic that I want to kill myself.. Thinking of just taking my 2 weeks vacation to escape this shit or even quitting my job if this goes on longer than a month or two.3 -
CAN ANYBODY TELL ME, WHAT YOU ACTUALLY DO WHEN YOU ARE NOT GETTING SOME LOGIC? AND WHEN DO YOU GET LOGIC? EXAMPLE, ME I USUALLY GET LOGIC WHILE I AM IN BATHROOM!10
-
What's the general Software Engineering rule of thumb again for frontend templating code?
If I look at certain websites, I notice some code smells in PHP such as:
$.modal = <?php echo $(base)["username"] != 'me' ?' ': echo 'style="display=none"' ?>
or just in general places in the code where PHP gets used as a templating engine for gluing together pieces of HTML code based on conditionals spread out over the codebase and the database itself too. To make things worse, this carries over to JavaScript ajax functions. As a developer, this to me just seems like spaghetticode.
On the other hand, many popular frameworks properly do templating, such as EJS, containing templating in one place and not mixing it with logic too much but just having simple output like <%= %>.
I know I've seen frameworks like Angular 1 contain pieces of HTML into directives, but maybe that's something different, more 'OO'-simulating or cleaner.3 -
Whenever I see an ORM that supports creating and transforming objects in bulk, I can't help but think about the poor misdirected users who forced it to do that. It's an Object-Relational Mapper. It maps objects. The whole concept isn't designed for bulk operations, the point is that you add logic to each and every record and convert your operations to SQL so that you never have to keep a lot of them in memory.4
-
For some reason I always have a hard time mentally mapping "asc/desc" to dates. I think of stairs and mentally map the dates to unicode timestamps. Am I the only one? Sort descending by date is newest first, btw6
-
#Suphle Rant 6: Deptrac, phparkitect
This entry isn't necessarily a rant but a tale of victory. I'm no more as sad as I used to be. I don't work as hard as I used to, so lesser challenges to frustrate my life. On top of that, I'm not bitter about the pace of progress. I'm at a state of contentment regarding Suphle's release
An opportunity to gain publicity presented itself last month when cfp for a php event was announced last month. I submitted and reviewed a post introducing suphle to the community. In the post, I assured readers that I won't be changing anything soon ie the apis are cast in stone. Then php 7.4 officially "went out of circulation". It hit me that even though the code supports php 8 on paper, it's kind of a red herring that decorators don't use php 8 attributes. So I doubled down, suspending documentation.
The container won't support union and intersection types cuz I dislike the ambiguity. Enums can't be hydrated. So I refactored implementation and usages of decorators from interfaces to native attributes. Tried automating typing for all class properties but psalm is using docblocks instead of native typing. So I disabled it and am doing it by hand whenever something takes me to an unfixed class (difficulty: 1). But the good news is, we are php 8 compliant as anybody can ask for!
I decided to ride that wave and implement other things that have been bothering me:
1) 2 commands for automating project setup for collaborators and user facing developers (CHECK)
2) transferring some operations from runtime to compile/build TIME (CHECK)
3) re-attempt implementing container scopes
I tried automating Deptrac usage ie adding the newly created module to the list of regulated architectural layers but their config is in yaml, so I moved to phparkitect which uses php to set the rules. I still can't find a library for programmatically updating php filed/classes but this is more dynamic for me than yaml. I set out to implement their library, turns out the entire logic is dumped into the command class, so I can neither control it without the cli or automate tests to it. I take the command apart, connect it to suphle and run. Guess what, it detects class parents as violations to the rule. Wtflyingfuck?!
As if that's not bad enough, roadrunner (that old biatch!) server setup doesn't fail if an initialization script fails. If initialization script is moved to the application code itself, server setup crumbles and takes the your initialization stuff down with it. I ping the maintainer, rustacian (god bless his soul), who informs me point blank that what I'm trying to do is not possible. Fuck it. I have to write a wrapper command for sequentially starting the server (or not starting if initialization operations don't all succeed).
Legitimate case to reinvent the wheel. I restored my deleted decorators that did dependency sanitation for me at runtime. The remaining piece of the puzzle was a recursive film iterator to feed the decorators. I checked my file system reader for clues on how to implement one and boom! The one I'd written for two other features was compatible. All I had to do was refactor decorators into dependency rules, give them fancy interfaces for customising and filtering what classes each rule should actually evaluate. In a night's work (if you're discrediting how long writing the original sanitization decorators and directory iterator), I coupled the Deptrac/phparkitect library of my dreams. This is one of the those few times I feel like a supreme deity
Hope I can eat better and get some sleep. This meme is me after getting bounced by those three library rejections
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