Boolean Logic....

Project manager logic.

Logic

Can we do that??? 😶

❤C♥O❤D♥E❤

Asked a girl what would she like to eat and gave her two options. She answered "Ok. Let's go".

Error cannot find parameters in line 2

Windows logic is unmatched

Logic Gem found at work today.

if (value != null) {
return value;
} else {
return null;
}

😂 😂😂😂😂😂

i, j and k declared as globals. You fucking moron.

Everytime

Client: About this QR code for my website, can we change it?
Me: Well we could redirect, but what's wrong with it?
Client: I just dont like the pattern, it's too noisy...
Me: 🙃

Saw this a while back and decided to take a picture of it. Now I'm glad I did. XD

So true ! I've literally seen this happen so many times 😂

I am asked to refactor this file in order to make it readable
what do you say guys ?

Src: Telegram ->> programmerjokes
Old but fun LOL ;-)

You will understand ;~)

For the maths-savy out there, this is a fine example of a 404 message. Awesome!

Black hoodie + htop = pro hacker 😂 HBO logic

Was watching 'Johnny English Strikes Again' when I discovered a secret message in the movie.
Guys, MI7 is hiring C programmers!

Dog logic..

The same goes for clients.

I don't understand why people like an app but give it the lowest rating because they want more

Me trying to find a good risotto recipe.
Sister-in-law, PhD: What about pumpkin or courgette and salmon?
Me: ...
SIL: ...
Me: Could you add some parentheses?
SIL: (Pumpkin) or (courgette and salmon)?
Me: Much clearer, thanks! Go for courgette and salmon.

Client expectation vs client budget

The worst Code I saw was

if (value != null ) {
return value;
} else {
return null;
}

Aha 😀😀😀

He gave me task, and I estimated it will take 2 (120 minutes) hours...
He came after 20 minutes to check the progress... Then he came after 40 minutes... Then he call me after 70 minutes... Then he came again after 90 minutes... Then I delivered the task in the time with my resignation letter draft.

Yep, when a guy wants a little downtime.

We all faced this.

Client's logic (stolen from the Facebook page "I love programming")

Notepad++ logic

Indentation check
Hardecoded values check
Kickass logic check

This is the best program that I have seen in my entire life.

Apparantly, wanting to use company assets for a smoke machine so when clients visit you can say "Welcome to the cloud!" is immature.

When the UI developer completes the work but has left logic at home

programmer life/logic

JavaScript logic.

Client: I need this *insert app/machine/thing* ASAP! No excuses!

*work overtime just to get it done*

*after 2 weeks of finishing it*

Me: So has the thing worked without issues?
Client: Oh, I haven’t even used it yet!

:/

Aaaah...I just got back from a meeting because of a production data problem caused by an analyst who keeps making mistakes that screw up client data. I wrote a program to automate most of it and everybody initially accused me of having a buggy program, only to find out she wasn't using it, never did.

"Why aren't you using the program then?" was asked. "Oh, well, I just understand my way better," she replies, "When I make a mistake at least I understand why."

Pause....

"Then, um, if you know you're making a mistake, why don't you fix it?"
"Because my process is so manual and labor intensive sometimes it's not worth it to go back and fix it, because I'd have to do everything over again, and you guys are much better at fixing this stuff than I am."

I indicated that everyone is too busy to stop and fix her mistakes, to which she then asks:

"So if you can't fix my mistakes, what am I supposed to do?"

When such people exist 🤷‍♂️ Wish I can undo what I saw 🙈 My day is already ruined 🤦‍♂️

Yesterday: "This fucking logic makes no sense. I can't work this shit out!"

Today (first look at the problem): "Oh... I think if I do this and this... Yeap, that'd work"

I love fresh brain thoughts in the morning.

Client: We need these book genres added to the website ASAP!
PM: Hey dev, its priority #1, please add these genres ASAP!
Dev: Okay, can I get a file which needs to be imported?
Client: Oh we will have that in couple of weeks.
Dev: Okay so write me in couple of weeks.
Client: What kind of company is this? Outrageous!!!

Me: Can you go to that page and see if the issue is fixed?

Colleague: if I go there it breaks things

Me: yes, it should be fixed now, can you please check it to make sure?

Colleague: but if I go there it will break things

Me: Can you just go to the page

Colleague: it broke something

Me: what did it break?

Colleague: I don't know

Me: ...then how do you know it's broken

Colleague: because the gallery doesn't work

Me: WELL THEN THATS WHAT'S FUCKING BROKEN THEN ISN'T IT

"Can you work on this ticket? It's kind of urgent."

-- "OK"

"And could you please not refactor? Just get this done."

-- "Why? What's the issue?"

"The logic is complex. We should not break it."

-- "Erm, that's what the tests are for. So yes, if the need arises, I'll refactor. The tests are my guidelines if the logic breaks or not."

There's a reason we create tests. So let's not hinder code base improvements by some random fear that stuff might break.

If breaks due to refactoring, we'll fix it by adding a valid test case during and then fixing the bug.

If my refactoring does not break the tests, I'll assume the code base is stable.

If your code is untested, then we have a complete different problem.

Everytime I see
if (x.getSomeBoolean() == true) ...

I die a little bit inside.

Boolean logic

Because... logic!

If I keep ignoring issues they'll eventually overflow and I'll have a negative amount of bugs, right?

- My client on regular day.

U can manage your tasks by your own. App looks stable and you are doing well.

- Same client when I'm on Vacation

This thing is not working, that thing is not working. This is do or die situation for us. you have to cancel your vacation plans.

- Same client after I come back from vacation in which I wasted precious hours of my vacation time and fixed all the bugs.

I didn't release your changes yet coz I wanted to release it together with you. I was like "THEN WHY THE FUCK YOU RUINED MY VACATION" -_-

Apparently working 80+ hour weeks for a year gets you "met expectations" in your review since "shit rolls down the hill".

Past 8 month summarized in one picture 🥰

DevRant was just loading very slow because of bad mobile internet. I told my mum that this could be loading faster, because it's mainly text (= no large videos) that needs to be transferred. My mum answered:

"Your smartphone doesn't know that tho".

Looooong silence. Very looooong silence.

Internet doesnt work...
open trouble shooter....
tells me to search online...
-_-

A logician comes back from paternity leave and enters his shared office.

His colleague: Hey! Congratulations with your newborn, is it a boy or a girl?

Logician: Yes.

Old. But apt.

CEO: I've got a great idea to entice users, we increase our prices 20% and give 20% discount.

Oh god, please tell me you're not serious.

confused screaming!!

Good thing I don't OCD much... such CSS beauty!

Gg logic

Why do we need a backend?

FRONTend
BACKend
WEEKend
Everything has END
But Client has no END. 😭😂😭😂

Dear Clients,

You are always correct and stupid.

Logic :P

Nobody cares what the code does when it works. Everybody cares about it when it doesn't work. You just can't win. 😤

I saw this code while searching in our QE repo... All our dev bay started laughing while I showed this... 😂😂😂😂

"I need these permissions that J has"

J has those permissions because he worked on a different team that was granted those, you do not.

"I need it"

No

"I need it"

Its not within my power to allow you access, you have to talk with R and M.

"Okay well guess what I'm gonna escalate this up thr chain and its gonna come down on you"

*sigh* what do i do when i literally have no authority to give someone something and am clearly doing my jobb right, but someone thinks they can get me... idk... in trouble? Threaten me??? Logic, meet the window

Reads clients rambling description of app they want developed... Head explodes!

*the Company closes a project and splits us in different teams*

Me: *tells the manager for half a year about feeling extremely bad in the new team which is mobbing me, caling the previous project "shit" (it was not, it simply didn't need to be alive anymore cause we found out cheap alternatives) and not letting me do anything*

Company(half a year later): *sends me into a new project* we don't get why you are underperforming lately.

Me: *full burnout after half a year of being treated as living shit* yeah. Wonder why.

Programmers have logic!
Sometimes......

As simple as that!!

Its all about logic....

Tech support: we need to install backup software on your laptops.
Devs: what for?
TS: to backup all your important files, like word docs, excels, etc.
Devs: we don't use those. everything is on git/confluence/etc
TS: my boss told me to install it everywhere, so I have to do it.
Devs: well just disable it. uses too much tam, disk time and such
TS: whatever.

So he installed it on each laptop separately, took half a day, then we just disabled it and proceeded with our tasks. Now we get a question every other week why nothing is being synced from our computers. "We paid for the system and we want you to use it".
yeah..

George Boole was a truly great man

Windows Logic

Past 3 years I've been working 1pm-9pm instead of usual 8am-4pm at our company, no issues, I'm the only developer on the projects I work on, tasks delivered always on time, meetings with PM always afternoon, etc.
Few months ago company hierarchy changed and the new operative manager started to harass me about this with made up reasons (not working 8 hour or not working at all) and he doesn't care about the fact that my projects might be the only ones at the company that never missed a deadline. He even turned some of my colleagues against me.

So now I'm thinking about to quit this job and go freelance or find a remote job. Am I doing it right?

Beer logic

Bad news:
Everyone now wants their damn solution done "ASAP". Yet they fail to provide basic information. They never show up at any meeting. And ignore all my emails. FUCK!

Good news:
It's Taco Tuesday.

"We need you to give 110% so that the total is greater than the sum of the parts... Eg: 1 + 1 > 2"
You're addressing a team who use logic to make you money. What the fuck are we supposed to do with this shit?
1 + 1 > 2?
false
Fuck off.

When your prof gives you 9/10 on your CS assignment because, instead of returning an int and doing a comparison, you do the comparison and return a boolean.

🤔😑 u serious man

This was a fun thing that just happened:

I was sent a timed questionnaire by a potential employer for a software engineer job. I'm like okay, I will do it on Monday (today) because that is when I will have a free minute.

Well I sit down to do the thing and I had had a few beers, because the Ballmer Peak is real to me when I have to answer bullshit programming quizzes.

Well F me right in the A, it is a 38 question true or false logic quiz. And I am no longer a college kid trying to get into grad school so I have no patience for that crap, and apparently less with a little beer in me. Long story short, there was no comment section for me to rant in so I decided to go on YouTube and watch cat videos instead.

I wish coding worked in real life. So when an annoying person comes i can use visibility:hidden

Never worked faster and more efficiently than the night before going on vacation... So... Vacation every day.

Have you guys heard about blind coding?

I had been to competition, first round was quiz.
That was quite easy, though most of the questions were incomplete and didn't make any sense.

They have provided an app. We use that to check the result.

So first round is over, 1 hour later my friend called me asked whether I'm qualified for the next round . I checked the results and my name wasn't there. I was very disappointed.

I left that place after I saw my result. I got a bus which goes to my place.

After 10 minutes, I got a call from the event head asking why I didn't attend second round 😑. I asked why name wasn't there on the result, for which he replied with "database updatation error".

I got down in the next stop and took a bus again to that place.

I reached there, second round was started, First part was debugging. It was easy, I debugged the given program and got the desired output.
Second part was coding. A guy showed a problem to solve and told me to read it quickly . I did as he told.
He opened Dev C++ and gave me a paper to write the program .

When I was about to start typing, he turned off the monitor and told I should write it on paper first and type the program having monitor turned off. 😨

I wrote and typed the program without seeing.
After 30 minutes a college lecturer came to give marks. He told me to compile the program.

TBH, there were many typing mistakes. As header file spelling was wrong it showed only one error.

Him: Huh, cool only one error, well done. *noted that and walked to a guy next to me*

NaN logic

How my lecturer drilled JS syntax into us:

Write this:
var x = document.element;
x.value = 10;

Instead of this:
document.element.value = 10;

His reasoning:
"You make the cake in the kitchen, you don't put icing on it on your way to present the cake"

NCIS Logic. Type "dir" and "find . ." Into full screen cmd and full forensics investigation complete.

Discussing a somewhat small and narrow website project with a customer. Then the customer asks me how I'm going to load balance it.

My initial thought was:
You mean how to loadbalance maximum 10 users??

So I guess when you go to the doctor's, he's trying to debug you?

My code is not working, why?

When the client wants a bigger logo...

... Wtf?!

Stucked in the loop.

Time complexity : O(😂)

Windows logic:
* User disables notifications *
* Windows gives a notification about disabled notifications *
Fuck.

--Dev is from a different team. String1 has a date value coming from an interface file that should always be yyyy-mm-dd format. And this "senior" dev extracts mm, dd and yyyy from string1 into 3 separate vars str_mm, str_dd and str_yyyy and even wrote a function to validate whether the month, day and year are all valid else returns false

Me: Why are you extracting the mm, dd and yyyy from your string1 just to validate them? Define a date var and assign string1 to that instead
Dev: Yeah but then if the string1 contains invalid date the date var will be null after assignment
Me: Exactly you thick-headed waste of space!
What I really said: Yup so if the date var is null after assignment then it's an invalid date
Dev: But I need the invalid date value to be printed on the error report. If the date var is null the report will show blanks
Me: WTF is wrong with you? You have string1! Take a shit on your hands and then slap yourself twice!
What I really said: My bad... Ah but then you can use the string1 var that holds the invalid date *smiles*
Me: Oh yeah! Thanks dude! *smiles and leaves*

School computer logic...

Was my prev dev fucking high or what?
Who names an UPDATE Query as delete.
That shitfuck deserves a special place in hell.

Testing hell.

I'm working on a ticket that touches a lot of areas of the codebase, and impacts everything that creates a ... really common kind of object.

This means changes throughout the codebase and lots of failing specs. Ofc sometimes the code needs changing, and sometimes the specs do. it's tedious.

What makes this incredibly challenging is that different specs fail depend on how i run them. If I use Jenkins, i'm currently at 160 failing tests. If I run the same specs from the terminal, Iget 132. If I run them from RubyMine... well, I can't run them all at once because RubyMine sucks, but I'm guessing it's around 90 failures based on spot-checking some of the files.

But seriously, how can I determine what "fixed" even means if the issues arbitrarily pass or fail in different environments? I don't even know how cli and rubymine *can* differ, if I'm being honest.

I asked my boss about this and he said he's never seen the issue in the ten years he's worked there. so now i'm doubly confused.

Update: I used a copy of his db (the same one Jenkins is using), and now rspec reports 137 failures from the terminal, and a similar ~90 (again, a guess) from rubymine based on more spot-checking. I am so confused. The db dump has the same structure, and rspec clears the actual data between tests, so wtf is even going on? Maybe the encoding differs? but the failing specs are mostly testing logic?

none of this makes any sense.
i'm so confused.

It feels like i'm being asked to build a machine when the laws of physics change with locality. I can make it work here just fine, but it misbehaves a little at my neighbor's house, and outright explodes at the testing ground.

My first star program gets digital version....

Having debates on order of operations. The one that is hot again is the 6÷2(2+1).
Programming and actual order of operations says the answer is 9, but everyone argues it is 1. Well before 1970 that was the case. SMH. Despite showing them the rules and work, they still say theirs is the correct way.
With programming and Excel formulas I deal with every day I do this without even pausing.

Today one person called me to ask if he could create a corporate email without buying the domain.
*More people that wanna be rich without spending a penny *

The nerdiest way to say happy birthday to someone? Tell them to paste atob("SGFwcHkgQmlydGhkYXkh") in the chrome console/firebug.

!Tech
How do i explain my friends that if a bottle of whiskey contains 40% alcohol and when i pour some in a glass. The glass will also have 40% alcohol.

So today one of my client told me that my script is freezing their website on IE browsers. I tested and told them that website is being freezed even without my script.
Now they sent me analyzed scenario and they concluded that it freezes 4 out of 10 times without script. But it freezes 12 out if 15 times with script -_-. So there is something really wrong with the script and I need to fix it urgently otherwise they will kick me out. #fuckedupLogic
Funny thing is that same script is loaded in so many other client's website and it doesn't freeze any shit.

So why is there a cancel button?

What do you prefer?
a) if (var1 != var2)
or
b) if (!(var1 == var2))

The best thing about a boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit!

Extremely Dangerous Developer....

Master piece of coding Logic....

Old, but good:

Do developers have to get everything approved from the product manager. Even the name of a function and explain why you chose to pass something as a parameter? Isn't this micromanagement?

-Hi, my PlayStation’s storage is almost full? Can you change it?
Me: yes, but why not just buy an external one....
-We can’t add games on it.
Me: ... See here. Read. It’s possible. How much storage does the PS have now?
-93GB
Me: ... Total? 500 GB?
-Yes, I think.
Me: buy a 4 TB one will last long enough.
-Ok. Can you come to install it if it’s arrived?
Me: Ok...

Can’t people just read on fucking internet how to connect an external drive to a PlayStation??
I don’t understand... I’m a software guy not fucking hardware...

TFW you’ve been trying to debug an issue for over an hour and you find out you typed:

variable1 == variable2

Instead of

variable1 = variable2

AARRGGHHHHJJHHHHHRIFNRIDKEJXJDJ!!!!!!!

When someone writes this
if(condition == true) {
//...
}

Bool Logic

fuck visual studio

Let's stop putting business logic in Constructors...

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

The physicist said "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed".

The engineer said "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong".

The programmer said "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

#ProgrammersLogic

"Coding is free dude, why are you charging me for that when I can just use Google to copy-paste code from there and there, boy.. think about it"

-- Typical Client

Coming from Splunk to Sumo Logic, so far I haven't found anything I like about Sumo Logic. It's slow and constantly tries to limit you. Splunk is expensive but I can see why now.

Two B or not Two B'

Could this be true?

dates are just an index of time

practicing is just offsetting your initial, natural ability in a positive direction

do you guys ever just think of things in an abstract sense?

what are other examples?

seagull management
| ˈsēˌɡəl manijmənt | noun

When managers are totally uninvolved in the work, but they just swoop down once in a while to shit all over everything. “This is wrong, and this, and this looks bad,” etc., before flying away again.

So we had a class that should have 2 states 0 or 1, you think my coworker would be smart enough to represent it with a Boolean? NO!

Represent the state inside the object as an int then when using the object in a function creates a Boolean that determines the state of the object and after the function done it's job THEN call another function that takes the object and the Boolean and change the int state inside the object depending on the Boolean.

Wouldn't it have been whole lot easier to just you know..... Make the state a Boolean from the start.

When I saw this I knew I was witnessing a miracle of the human mind. God bless!

Ps: it wasn't connected to any kind of API nor server and there are never more than 2 states. It's just some local sequential code so don't assume it had a logical reason it's just a fuck up.

Having 11 different IDE's installed to try them out but only use the one text editor.

Because fuck logic.

'This returns a lot of rows
myAdapter.SelectCommand.CommandText = "SELECT FROM tblNews order by DateAdd desc "
myAdapter.Fill(rs)

'He only wants the 4 latest articles
For index = 0 to 4
'Do something with the data
Next

How some people manage to still have a job is truly fucking amazing.

So Apple, you're telling us developers that instead of using keyboard shortcuts, we're supposed to use the touch bar instead? Oh and also carry 20 adapters to do the same thing we could do with the 2015 MacBook Pro?

Perfect way for generating random string...

In Android O RAM statistics got moved to developer settings.
So this means you are a Dev if you know what ram is??

How has coding helped me?
Logic. Period.

Date a programmer. We break loops, not hearts.

i had a client that would rather buy me a plane ticket and a hotel night to give me a "CD" than send it to me, just because he wasnt able to upload it via mail.
The data was 230MB of excel files.
I ended uploading those files to my Dropbox using teamviewer.

Elasticsearch 404 page.
**Puff of logic**

Just one of those days...

When u send ur code for review and instead of getting comments for logic u put in, u get 10+ comments regarding variable names , extra lines and formatting.
LMF

You can always tell if someone is a programmer by asking them:

Is zero equal to zero or equal to 1?

Non devs say 0, devs say 1

because writing over 500 lines of java code using swing framework on a piece of paper with a pen is a perfectly good and healthy way to learn how to write code

Best example. 😁

I'm definitely sticking to one type of quote this time.

Fuck.

Me: You provided the wrong credentials for AWS. That’s why it won’t work. Please provide updated ones using document I emailed you last month.

Client: I forgot how to do that. Will you be free tonight after 9pm?

Me:.....

Yes. This really just happened. No. I am not doing it unless they pay hourly.

"If we need to deprioritize something that's fine, as long as it all still gets done by the time we agreed on."

Gotta love product management types.

Normal Compilers : i guess you missed a semicolon in line 63

Special Compilers : You wrote wrong code, useless fella, I'm not your servant to tell you all the errors. Your mere existence is unnecessary and useless

One just doesn't give a task to be commpleted in 2 days, changes the task heavily and still be in the same deadline.

*client comes to us "please take care of our app, it's ugly and the previous devs made it all buggy, especially the Android version"
*we write code, analyze bugs, fix them, QA them
*we deliver a preview
*client only looks at the iOS app, doesn't give a flying fuck to the Android app

XOR...

The system on my Mac is so fat that it takes up 60% of my SSD... 👌

I like to use programmer logic in everyday conversations, especially with not programmers, like

They: would you like coffee or cake?
Me: yes

The real question is "would you like coffee xor cake?"

That feeling when you're working with production data and you get a cold feeling running down your spine, telling yourself: you could really fuck up now.

As I was browsing pornhub, I started reading articles about AI, dick still in hand, and went down the rabbit-hole (no pun intended) of self referential systems and proofs. This is something I do frequently (getting off track, not beating off, though I have been slacking recently).

Now I'm no expert but my neurotic DID personality which prompted this small reading binge DOES think it is an expert. And it got me thinking.

Godel’s second incompleteness theorem says that "no sufficiently strong proof system can prove its own consistency."

Then utilizing proof by contradiction, systems that are "sufficiently strong" should produce truth outputs that are monotonic. E.g. statements such as "this sentence is a lie."

Wouldn't monotonicity then be proof (soft or otherwise) that a proof system is 'sufficiently strong' in the sense that Godel's second theorem meant?

Edit: I WELCOME input, even if this post is utterly ignorant and vapid. I really don't know shit about formal systems or logic. Welcome any insight or feedback that could enlighten me.

I’m all for writing boolean statements that are readable, quick to grasp the real life case they’re representing and align with the spec rather than being ultra-reduced, but sometimes the spec is written by someone who clearly can’t reduce logic. So when the spec says “if it’s not the case that any of them are false” and you write:
!(!a || !b || !c || !d)
then I think you should try harder. At least put a note against the spec to say “i.e. if they’re all true” and then write the sensible code. Just think of the poor developer that might have to augment your code at a later date and has to follow and intercept that shite.

My partner says I'm too much of dry logic and lacking in emotions. The way I want to find logic in everything and ignore illogical spontaneous emotions... Isn't helping me in here.
Just wanted to vent out and ask whether this is the curse of the nature of work... with tech I am in (I fantasise it to be that) or is it just My individual problem?

I'm going to be passive aggressive.

No I'm not..

Why?! Just why do you use Bootstrap if you create a new css file to overwrite Bootstrap?!

The most frustrating error is logic error. You see no warning or error message. It's just your program doesn't work as expected.

You spend hours inspecting your code, putting var_dump, console.error, print, whatever... in order to figure out what's wrong.

Yet, you still can't find out what's wrong. You decide to take a sleep. And you are waking up while having this uncomfortable feeling in your mind.

And since this is devrant, I'll insert some swearing here:

F*cking dammit node.js... what's wrong with your f*cking logic flow.... non-blocking you said, rotten deep in callback hell damnation you said....

I have been debugging for like hours trying to figure out the cause an unknown bug spoiling my UI by making my elements overlap.
I'm working on a Unit Converter that takes kWh and then converts to mWh. (Logical Conversion: 1000 kWh = 1 mWh).
Just an easy shit i thought, using Javascript I just passed the dynamically generated kWh value to a function that takes maximum of 6 chars and multiply it by 0.001 to get the required result but this was where my problem started. All values came out as expected until my App hits a particular value (8575) and outputs a very long set of String (8.575000000000001), i couldn't figure the cause of this until i checked my console log and found the culprit value, and then i change the calculation logic from multiply by 0.001 to divide by 1000 and it came out as expected (8.575)

My question is that;
Is my math logically wrong or is this another Javascript Calculation setback?

So now I can snapchat with my Uber Driver...

1 89 36
Decode it!! 😉😁
Hint given below 👇

Fuck

I have my first ever PRESENTATION ever tomorrow

And there will be at least 40 people shit.......

I have to explain the program logic in a very easy way, which is a pain for me.

Any cheers for me?

When a marketing / sales person says in a meeting with executives that our current infrastructure can handle 300.000 new customers easily. (We're at 90 ATM).

Mfw I'm the techie in the room and aware of our non-scaling mysql DB.

Told department lead several of us devs are considering quitting due to low wage and insane workload.
Result: Team spirit questionaires and team building gathering.
No extra pay and now even less time to get work done.

Are junior developers expected to make business logic decisions? There's one that my boss wants to know my opinion of, and I'm thinking, "fuck, I don't know, why should I make that decision?" Or is that part of what developers have to learn?

Instead of watching our (software) product demo, the client asked why not build something like Amazon Go? The whole meeting was debating with him.

!dev

Was exhausted yesterday so was in bed by 9.00pm, asleep by 9.30pm...

NOW WIDE AWAKE SINCE 1AM! FUUUUUCK!!!

I know that you two guys don't get together well. Shall we(the management team) send you guys for some team bonding training sessions? Whatttt?? 🙄🙄🙄

So we have a long weekend here (4 days) due to a national holiday, and I already spend 2.5/4 days coding for work, doing tasks for a sprint that didn't even start yet, just so when I go back to work, I can feel like I do nothing and still earn money

Need 🍺, but it’s still early, maybe a little bit later after this (I missed kirin beer)

Came back home past 1 AM last night, to support the so called “production deployment”,

Jut remembering about it makes me wanna punch one of the assholes and be done with it,

But I’ll try to stay on the positive side, and got another memorable “stupidly amusing conversations I’ve heard this week”,

Bit of backstory, a while ago, a guy from the other squad was tasked to create a modal popup to show an image, but the PO doesn’t like it because the pop up is square and the image looks cropped (because the aspect ratio is different duh), and somehow asked me to fix it,

Me: okay, how do you want it?

PO: well, go figure, just make the popup full screen and without border

Me: border? What border?

PO: tch, you see the popup has border, it’s the empty part where the image is not covering the popup

Me: ah you mean the grey space?

PO: whatever, grey space, white space, just fix it

*And somehow last night in the middle of the so called “production deployment”

PO: hey, why’s this image still cropped?

Me: lemme see, *mild shock (it’s called a different fucking aspect ratio you shit for brains)

PO: see, the image is still cropped

Me: well, you used a tablet, which is wider than the phone, so if you want the image to cover the popup, that will happen

PO: I told you to fix the cropped image

Me: (and you never instructed me shit, provide a fucking design at least) well, Its aspect ratio is different, if you want the image to be contained then you’ll have “empty spaces” on the side of the popup

PO: tch, contain, cover, whatever, can’t you figure something out,

Me: you can try stretching your tablet, see if it fixed itself (the image is zoomable anyway, or do you also want to complain that the image is cropped when zoomed)

PO: ...

*fucking moron

Apparently these guys really cannot be underestimated, even a simple geometry confuses them,

I wonder if I can make it until July (the supposed end of contract), and I definitely don’t want to be placed on this project any longer,

Well SQL is literally love...

Project Manager logic (the best kind).

PM: Here are a list of the tickets we need to address next.

Architect: Hang on, didn't X raise a number of critical bugs yesterday? They were serious, we need to fix the critical bugs first.

PM: ... but he marked them all as critical

(so that means they aren't an issue? cool, i've been doing this wrong all my life)

Another gem from the cunt I used to call my senior.

.nav-tabs > li > a, .nav-tabs > li > a, .nav-tabs > li > a { font-size: 7pt !important; line-height: 30px !important; font-weight: normal !important; }
.nav-tabs > li > a, .nav-tabs > li > a, .nav-tabs > li > a { font-size: 6pt !important; }
.nav-tabs > li > a, .nav-tabs > li > a, .nav-tabs > li > a { font-size: 7pt !important; }

These are all on the same level (not in media queries) and only a couple of other lines of css between them.

I swear this jackass just wanted to watch the world burn.

So we are building this website that basically allows customers to draw wardrobes(dragging and dropping). The clients wanted an image to be generated as well. So we used a screenshot plugin that basically extracts html and css of the drawing and generates a file. As the wardrobe gets complex(more html), it takes some time to save. So if the internet speed is slow, there are chances of failure.
Just last week they kept complaining that it keeps getting stuck, so we checked the problem multiple times to find that it worked fine and got a max time of 15s to save. So we had a video call with them.. Well they were frozen the entire time with 'trying to connect' issues! Now we know the cause after spending hours reproducing the issue. So the client kept telling us that our internet is fine. So she casts her screen switching preloaded tabs in her browser, claiming ''see, my internet is fine''

Fuck logic with JS

I don't completely master a language.
I just know the logic behind it and I make use of it.😇

Management in big corp I collaborate with has decided they want intermediate releases every 4 weeks. That's kinda OK, we work in two week Scrum sprints.

However, not this sprint. Because of Easter it's three weeks. And because the 4 weeks rule is absolute, the one after that is only one week. Which implies we do the whole review-presentation-planning ceremony twice in a row. That's fucking absurd. But when management agrees on a plan, it's reality that needs to comply, right? Argh.

Let me tell you a joke: !false

I moved my website to aws and I managed to use cloudflare, load balancer (to skip around route53), ec2 and RDS with no programming skills. Starting to enjoy this :D

Today I finally experienced the power of something I learned in university: propositional and predicate logic.

Many developers I know think that such education is useless. Well, today I have proven that it is very useful. On a day to day basis, working on banking software, complexity in purely logic is very low. However, we have a screen that must show or hide elements based on some input values and conditions associated with certain elements. How hard can that be, right? Well, there are many variables to take into account and as such it's absolutely not trivial.

This screen didn't work properly and maintaining the code is hard as there is a lot of logic to show/hide, enable/disable things and so on. After quite some time and attempts by fellow developers, I decided to refactor the whole thing. I'm responsible for the quality of the software and it was quite degrading, so I had to do something.

In order to get things working properly, I defined collections of constants (ui elements) and predicates. Then, I defined for which element what predicates must be true, in order to hide/show, disable/enable etc. I then translated these predicates into code. And guess what? It works! Of course it works. It's logic. But I'm very pleased I finally could actually use some of all the math I studied!

When client asks for stupid changes, its easier to make changes than to explan why you think it's stupid.

Have you ever wondered why !important is even working? Imagine this:

element {
color: #FF0000 !important;
}

It literally means the red color is NOT IMPORTANT. And this overwrites previous CSS rules such as in this example, previous element.color. Like seriously, where is the logic here? :D

sounds logic, ..does it?

git commit -m "session now holds 'null' as date if equals today. This way a 'today' is always possible, even if yesterday was today and today is now the tomorrow from yesterday"

original german git message: "session hält 'null' als date, wenn gleich heute. So ist ein 'heute' immer möglich, auch wenn gestern heute war und heute mittlerweile das morgen von gestern."

Who finds the startrek reference?

My leader was yelling at me cause i couldn't relate two tables, the first has a decimal(15,5) PK and the second has char(20) as a FK.

WELL TELL ME HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I RELATE THEM YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT ??

Decimal !!! I could not believe my fucking eyes ! And Fuck keeping the clients satisfied!

Well, sorry, i just wanted to let it out.

I wonder how you say "I love you" in code?

Would it be private or public...? 😛😳

Benefits of using Strings for Boolean intended logic?

I'll go first

easily implement cases before finally checking if true

generateUsername: { type: String }

if(generateUsername == 'humanReadable'){
// generate a username in a human readable format AKA yoDudeImRainbow
} else if(generateUsername == 'hash'){
// generate a username by using a random hash
} else if(generateUsername){
// generate a username by using a random hash
}

Computer logic: It doesn't exist, but I will do it anyway.

Please share the weirdest business logic you had to implement!

I remember having to filter certain categories and specific movies based on ID that were.. Well.. German porn.. Hardcoded Ids, not proud