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Asked a girl what would she like to eat and gave her two options. She answered "Ok. Let's go".
Error cannot find parameters in line 212 -
Logic Gem found at work today.
if (value != null) {
return value;
} else {
return null;
}
😂 😂😂😂😂😂11 -
Client: About this QR code for my website, can we change it?
Me: Well we could redirect, but what's wrong with it?
Client: I just dont like the pattern, it's too noisy...
Me: 🙃9 -
Was watching 'Johnny English Strikes Again' when I discovered a secret message in the movie.
Guys, MI7 is hiring C programmers!
13 -
Me trying to find a good risotto recipe.
Sister-in-law, PhD: What about pumpkin or courgette and salmon?
Me: ...
SIL: ...
Me: Could you add some parentheses?
SIL: (Pumpkin) or (courgette and salmon)?
Me: Much clearer, thanks! Go for courgette and salmon.6 -
He gave me task, and I estimated it will take 2 (120 minutes) hours...
He came after 20 minutes to check the progress... Then he came after 40 minutes... Then he call me after 70 minutes... Then he came again after 90 minutes... Then I delivered the task in the time with my resignation letter draft.8 -
Indentation check
Hardecoded values check
Kickass logic check
This is the best program that I have seen in my entire life.
8 -
Apparantly, wanting to use company assets for a smoke machine so when clients visit you can say "Welcome to the cloud!" is immature.3
-
Client: I need this *insert app/machine/thing* ASAP! No excuses!
*work overtime just to get it done*
*after 2 weeks of finishing it*
Me: So has the thing worked without issues?
Client: Oh, I haven’t even used it yet!
:/5 -
Yesterday: "This fucking logic makes no sense. I can't work this shit out!"
Today (first look at the problem): "Oh... I think if I do this and this... Yeap, that'd work"
I love fresh brain thoughts in the morning.8 -
Aaaah...I just got back from a meeting because of a production data problem caused by an analyst who keeps making mistakes that screw up client data. I wrote a program to automate most of it and everybody initially accused me of having a buggy program, only to find out she wasn't using it, never did.
"Why aren't you using the program then?" was asked. "Oh, well, I just understand my way better," she replies, "When I make a mistake at least I understand why."
Pause....
"Then, um, if you know you're making a mistake, why don't you fix it?"
"Because my process is so manual and labor intensive sometimes it's not worth it to go back and fix it, because I'd have to do everything over again, and you guys are much better at fixing this stuff than I am."
I indicated that everyone is too busy to stop and fix her mistakes, to which she then asks:
"So if you can't fix my mistakes, what am I supposed to do?"7 -
Client: We need these book genres added to the website ASAP!
PM: Hey dev, its priority #1, please add these genres ASAP!
Dev: Okay, can I get a file which needs to be imported?
Client: Oh we will have that in couple of weeks.
Dev: Okay so write me in couple of weeks.
Client: What kind of company is this? Outrageous!!!6 -
"Can you work on this ticket? It's kind of urgent."
-- "OK"
"And could you please not refactor? Just get this done."
-- "Why? What's the issue?"
"The logic is complex. We should not break it."
-- "Erm, that's what the tests are for. So yes, if the need arises, I'll refactor. The tests are my guidelines if the logic breaks or not."
There's a reason we create tests. So let's not hinder code base improvements by some random fear that stuff might break.
If breaks due to refactoring, we'll fix it by adding a valid test case during and then fixing the bug.
If my refactoring does not break the tests, I'll assume the code base is stable.
If your code is untested, then we have a complete different problem.3 -
- My client on regular day.
U can manage your tasks by your own. App looks stable and you are doing well.
- Same client when I'm on Vacation
This thing is not working, that thing is not working. This is do or die situation for us. you have to cancel your vacation plans.
- Same client after I come back from vacation in which I wasted precious hours of my vacation time and fixed all the bugs.
I didn't release your changes yet coz I wanted to release it together with you. I was like "THEN WHY THE FUCK YOU RUINED MY VACATION" -_-4 -
If I keep ignoring issues they'll eventually overflow and I'll have a negative amount of bugs, right?4
-
Business logic in the fricking database.
1000+ line SQL stored procedures.
What the actual fuck?! 👿10 -
DevRant was just loading very slow because of bad mobile internet. I told my mum that this could be loading faster, because it's mainly text (= no large videos) that needs to be transferred. My mum answered:
"Your smartphone doesn't know that tho".
Looooong silence. Very looooong silence.3 -
Apparently working 80+ hour weeks for a year gets you "met expectations" in your review since "shit rolls down the hill".3
-
A logician comes back from paternity leave and enters his shared office.
His colleague: Hey! Congratulations with your newborn, is it a boy or a girl?
Logician: Yes.1 -
Nobody cares what the code does when it works. Everybody cares about it when it doesn't work. You just can't win. 😤3
-
I saw this code while searching in our QE repo... All our dev bay started laughing while I showed this... 😂😂😂😂
3 -
Tech support: we need to install backup software on your laptops.
Devs: what for?
TS: to backup all your important files, like word docs, excels, etc.
Devs: we don't use those. everything is on git/confluence/etc
TS: my boss told me to install it everywhere, so I have to do it.
Devs: well just disable it. uses too much tam, disk time and such
TS: whatever.
So he installed it on each laptop separately, took half a day, then we just disabled it and proceeded with our tasks. Now we get a question every other week why nothing is being synced from our computers. "We paid for the system and we want you to use it".
yeah..7 -
Past 3 years I've been working 1pm-9pm instead of usual 8am-4pm at our company, no issues, I'm the only developer on the projects I work on, tasks delivered always on time, meetings with PM always afternoon, etc.
Few months ago company hierarchy changed and the new operative manager started to harass me about this with made up reasons (not working 8 hour or not working at all) and he doesn't care about the fact that my projects might be the only ones at the company that never missed a deadline. He even turned some of my colleagues against me.
So now I'm thinking about to quit this job and go freelance or find a remote job. Am I doing it right?8 -
When your prof gives you 9/10 on your CS assignment because, instead of returning an int and doing a comparison, you do the comparison and return a boolean.
🤔😑 u serious man15 -
"We need you to give 110% so that the total is greater than the sum of the parts... Eg: 1 + 1 > 2"
You're addressing a team who use logic to make you money. What the fuck are we supposed to do with this shit?
1 + 1 > 2?
false
Fuck off.7 -
Bad news:
Everyone now wants their damn solution done "ASAP". Yet they fail to provide basic information. They never show up at any meeting. And ignore all my emails. FUCK!
Good news:
It's Taco Tuesday.2 -
This was a fun thing that just happened:
I was sent a timed questionnaire by a potential employer for a software engineer job. I'm like okay, I will do it on Monday (today) because that is when I will have a free minute.
Well I sit down to do the thing and I had had a few beers, because the Ballmer Peak is real to me when I have to answer bullshit programming quizzes.
Well F me right in the A, it is a 38 question true or false logic quiz. And I am no longer a college kid trying to get into grad school so I have no patience for that crap, and apparently less with a little beer in me. Long story short, there was no comment section for me to rant in so I decided to go on YouTube and watch cat videos instead.3 -
Have you guys heard about blind coding?
I had been to competition, first round was quiz.
That was quite easy, though most of the questions were incomplete and didn't make any sense.
They have provided an app. We use that to check the result.
So first round is over, 1 hour later my friend called me asked whether I'm qualified for the next round . I checked the results and my name wasn't there. I was very disappointed.
I left that place after I saw my result. I got a bus which goes to my place.
After 10 minutes, I got a call from the event head asking why I didn't attend second round 😑. I asked why name wasn't there on the result, for which he replied with "database updatation error".
I got down in the next stop and took a bus again to that place.
I reached there, second round was started, First part was debugging. It was easy, I debugged the given program and got the desired output.
Second part was coding. A guy showed a problem to solve and told me to read it quickly . I did as he told.
He opened Dev C++ and gave me a paper to write the program .
When I was about to start typing, he turned off the monitor and told I should write it on paper first and type the program having monitor turned off. 😨
I wrote and typed the program without seeing.
After 30 minutes a college lecturer came to give marks. He told me to compile the program.
TBH, there were many typing mistakes. As header file spelling was wrong it showed only one error.
Him: Huh, cool only one error, well done. *noted that and walked to a guy next to me*13 -
Never worked faster and more efficiently than the night before going on vacation... So... Vacation every day.
-
How my lecturer drilled JS syntax into us:
Write this:
var x = document.element;
x.value = 10;
Instead of this:
document.element.value = 10;
His reasoning:
"You make the cake in the kitchen, you don't put icing on it on your way to present the cake"4 -
NCIS Logic. Type "dir" and "find . ." Into full screen cmd and full forensics investigation complete.
8 -
Discussing a somewhat small and narrow website project with a customer. Then the customer asks me how I'm going to load balance it.
My initial thought was:
You mean how to loadbalance maximum 10 users??2 -
Today one person called me to ask if he could create a corporate email without buying the domain.
*More people that wanna be rich without spending a penny *5 -
Was my prev dev fucking high or what?
Who names an UPDATE Query as delete.
That shitfuck deserves a special place in hell.
21 -
Having debates on order of operations. The one that is hot again is the 6÷2(2+1).
Programming and actual order of operations says the answer is 9, but everyone argues it is 1. Well before 1970 that was the case. SMH. Despite showing them the rules and work, they still say theirs is the correct way.
With programming and Excel formulas I deal with every day I do this without even pausing.
62 -
So today one of my client told me that my script is freezing their website on IE browsers. I tested and told them that website is being freezed even without my script.
Now they sent me analyzed scenario and they concluded that it freezes 4 out of 10 times without script. But it freezes 12 out if 15 times with script -_-. So there is something really wrong with the script and I need to fix it urgently otherwise they will kick me out. #fuckedupLogic
Funny thing is that same script is loaded in so many other client's website and it doesn't freeze any shit.5 -
-Hi, my PlayStation’s storage is almost full? Can you change it?
Me: yes, but why not just buy an external one....
-We can’t add games on it.
Me: ... See here. Read. It’s possible. How much storage does the PS have now?
-93GB
Me: ... Total? 500 GB?
-Yes, I think.
Me: buy a 4 TB one will last long enough.
-Ok. Can you come to install it if it’s arrived?
Me: Ok...
Can’t people just read on fucking internet how to connect an external drive to a PlayStation??
I don’t understand... I’m a software guy not fucking hardware...11 -
The nerdiest way to say happy birthday to someone? Tell them to paste atob("SGFwcHkgQmlydGhkYXkh") in the chrome console/firebug.3
-
Windows logic:
* User disables notifications *
* Windows gives a notification about disabled notifications *
Fuck. -
!Tech
How do i explain my friends that if a bottle of whiskey contains 40% alcohol and when i pour some in a glass. The glass will also have 40% alcohol.25 -
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed".
The engineer said "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong".
The programmer said "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
#ProgrammersLogic -
TFW you’ve been trying to debug an issue for over an hour and you find out you typed:
variable1 == variable2
Instead of
variable1 = variable2
AARRGGHHHHJJHHHHHRIFNRIDKEJXJDJ!!!!!!!9 -
New client : we have performance issues, can you look why ?
I check the production server :
- Windows Server 2008
- IIS
- SQL Server express *facepalm*
- 80% of code is in stored procedures *double facepalm*
Me: Maybe you should buy sql server ?
*client don't seem to want to pay*
Me: :/3 -
Learning about logic gates and how memory works, had to make a "D-latch" which is a flip-flop where the leds can never be on simultaneously.
Pretty cool stuff imo
https://imgur.com/a/MlfLy
(gif too big, sorry for the external source)2 -
"Coding is free dude, why are you charging me for that when I can just use Google to copy-paste code from there and there, boy.. think about it"
-- Typical Client6 -
Coming from Splunk to Sumo Logic, so far I haven't found anything I like about Sumo Logic. It's slow and constantly tries to limit you. Splunk is expensive but I can see why now.
-
In Android O RAM statistics got moved to developer settings.
So this means you are a Dev if you know what ram is??6 -
Because fuck logic.
'This returns a lot of rows
myAdapter.SelectCommand.CommandText = "SELECT FROM tblNews order by DateAdd desc "
myAdapter.Fill(rs)
'He only wants the 4 latest articles
For index = 0 to 4
'Do something with the data
Next
How some people manage to still have a job is truly fucking amazing.4 -
So Apple, you're telling us developers that instead of using keyboard shortcuts, we're supposed to use the touch bar instead? Oh and also carry 20 adapters to do the same thing we could do with the 2015 MacBook Pro?
-
i had a client that would rather buy me a plane ticket and a hotel night to give me a "CD" than send it to me, just because he wasnt able to upload it via mail.
The data was 230MB of excel files.
I ended uploading those files to my Dropbox using teamviewer.3 -
So we had a class that should have 2 states 0 or 1, you think my coworker would be smart enough to represent it with a Boolean? NO!
Represent the state inside the object as an int then when using the object in a function creates a Boolean that determines the state of the object and after the function done it's job THEN call another function that takes the object and the Boolean and change the int state inside the object depending on the Boolean.
Wouldn't it have been whole lot easier to just you know..... Make the state a Boolean from the start.
When I saw this I knew I was witnessing a miracle of the human mind. God bless!
Ps: it wasn't connected to any kind of API nor server and there are never more than 2 states. It's just some local sequential code so don't assume it had a logical reason it's just a fuck up.5 -
seagull management
| ˈsēˌɡəl manijmənt | noun
When managers are totally uninvolved in the work, but they just swoop down once in a while to shit all over everything. “This is wrong, and this, and this looks bad,” etc., before flying away again.
2 -
Normal Compilers : i guess you missed a semicolon in line 63
Special Compilers : You wrote wrong code, useless fella, I'm not your servant to tell you all the errors. Your mere existence is unnecessary and useless3 -
I encouraged a bunch of my classmates to try learning how to code. Yesterday (Friday for me), one of them showed me a code they'd written (they were the only one that actually tried). What caught my eye:
bool function3(bool val) {
if (val == true) return true;
if (val == false) return false;
}5 -
You can always tell if someone is a programmer by asking them:
Is zero equal to zero or equal to 1?
Non devs say 0, devs say 115 -
Me: You provided the wrong credentials for AWS. That’s why it won’t work. Please provide updated ones using document I emailed you last month.
Client: I forgot how to do that. Will you be free tonight after 9pm?
Me:.....
Yes. This really just happened. No. I am not doing it unless they pay hourly. -
I’m all for writing boolean statements that are readable, quick to grasp the real life case they’re representing and align with the spec rather than being ultra-reduced, but sometimes the spec is written by someone who clearly can’t reduce logic. So when the spec says “if it’s not the case that any of them are false” and you write:
!(!a || !b || !c || !d)
then I think you should try harder. At least put a note against the spec to say “i.e. if they’re all true” and then write the sensible code. Just think of the poor developer that might have to augment your code at a later date and has to follow and intercept that shite. -
*client comes to us "please take care of our app, it's ugly and the previous devs made it all buggy, especially the Android version"
*we write code, analyze bugs, fix them, QA them
*we deliver a preview
*client only looks at the iOS app, doesn't give a flying fuck to the Android app1 -
I like to use programmer logic in everyday conversations, especially with not programmers, like
They: would you like coffee or cake?
Me: yes
The real question is "would you like coffee xor cake?"4 -
That feeling when you're working with production data and you get a cold feeling running down your spine, telling yourself: you could really fuck up now.3
-
The most frustrating error is logic error. You see no warning or error message. It's just your program doesn't work as expected.
You spend hours inspecting your code, putting var_dump, console.error, print, whatever... in order to figure out what's wrong.
Yet, you still can't find out what's wrong. You decide to take a sleep. And you are waking up while having this uncomfortable feeling in your mind.
And since this is devrant, I'll insert some swearing here:
F*cking dammit node.js... what's wrong with your f*cking logic flow.... non-blocking you said, rotten deep in callback hell damnation you said....3 -
Fuck
I have my first ever PRESENTATION ever tomorrow
And there will be at least 40 people shit.......
I have to explain the program logic in a very easy way, which is a pain for me.
Any cheers for me?22 -
Are junior developers expected to make business logic decisions? There's one that my boss wants to know my opinion of, and I'm thinking, "fuck, I don't know, why should I make that decision?" Or is that part of what developers have to learn?9
-
When a marketing / sales person says in a meeting with executives that our current infrastructure can handle 300.000 new customers easily. (We're at 90 ATM).
Mfw I'm the techie in the room and aware of our non-scaling mysql DB.
-
I have been debugging for like hours trying to figure out the cause an unknown bug spoiling my UI by making my elements overlap.
I'm working on a Unit Converter that takes kWh and then converts to mWh. (Logical Conversion: 1000 kWh = 1 mWh).
Just an easy shit i thought, using Javascript I just passed the dynamically generated kWh value to a function that takes maximum of 6 chars and multiply it by 0.001 to get the required result but this was where my problem started. All values came out as expected until my App hits a particular value (8575) and outputs a very long set of String (8.575000000000001), i couldn't figure the cause of this until i checked my console log and found the culprit value, and then i change the calculation logic from multiply by 0.001 to divide by 1000 and it came out as expected (8.575)
My question is that;
Is my math logically wrong or is this another Javascript Calculation setback?
13 -
I know that you two guys don't get together well. Shall we(the management team) send you guys for some team bonding training sessions? Whatttt?? 🙄🙄🙄4
-
Project Manager logic (the best kind).
PM: Here are a list of the tickets we need to address next.
Architect: Hang on, didn't X raise a number of critical bugs yesterday? They were serious, we need to fix the critical bugs first.
PM: ... but he marked them all as critical
(so that means they aren't an issue? cool, i've been doing this wrong all my life)2 -
So we have a long weekend here (4 days) due to a national holiday, and I already spend 2.5/4 days coding for work, doing tasks for a sprint that didn't even start yet, just so when I go back to work, I can feel like I do nothing and still earn money1
-
Tl;Dr: Client has no idea how much development costs
(Un)potential client has been asking to develop an AV solution for Android phones to sell on the play store. Problem is I know they're cheap fucks and won't pay for a proper development cycle. Just for an exercise I put together the minimum cost they are looking at if they cut back on a lot of things and purchase lots of things off the shelf and gave them a bare minimum cost of £4350. Which is utterly fucking ridiculous to think you could develop something even half decent for that. I mean we all know that AV is a bit of a joke for any serious threat, it just protects from the billions of pests in cyberspace, but I mean come on.
Anyway, they are freaking out because apparently that's a lot. Out of interest, what would be your ballpark figures for this.10 -
Another gem from the cunt I used to call my senior.
.nav-tabs > li > a, .nav-tabs > li > a, .nav-tabs > li > a { font-size: 7pt !important; line-height: 30px !important; font-weight: normal !important; }
.nav-tabs > li > a, .nav-tabs > li > a, .nav-tabs > li > a { font-size: 6pt !important; }
.nav-tabs > li > a, .nav-tabs > li > a, .nav-tabs > li > a { font-size: 7pt !important; }
These are all on the same level (not in media queries) and only a couple of other lines of css between them.
I swear this jackass just wanted to watch the world burn.5 -
So we are building this website that basically allows customers to draw wardrobes(dragging and dropping). The clients wanted an image to be generated as well. So we used a screenshot plugin that basically extracts html and css of the drawing and generates a file. As the wardrobe gets complex(more html), it takes some time to save. So if the internet speed is slow, there are chances of failure.
Just last week they kept complaining that it keeps getting stuck, so we checked the problem multiple times to find that it worked fine and got a max time of 15s to save. So we had a video call with them.. Well they were frozen the entire time with 'trying to connect' issues! Now we know the cause after spending hours reproducing the issue. So the client kept telling us that our internet is fine. So she casts her screen switching preloaded tabs in her browser, claiming ''see, my internet is fine'' -
Did any of you hear Tim Cook's recent statement?
'Apple CEO Tim Cook says it is more important to learn how to code than it is to learn English as a second language.'
I mean, most of the code that I'd ever work on would be in English, no matter which country I'm living in. Most of the resources, documentation, tutorials are in English. Plus, if you think algorithmically, the logical code flow closely resembles constructs in English language. How could I possibly code without knowing English?
Go home Tim, you're drunk!
https://qz.com/1099791/...2 -
After previous rant (https://lynkz.me/9xAFVZ9) he told me to be as close as possible to the design from the designer. There was on the left side a BarCode, which made no sense. So I didn’t add it. Now today (saturday) he told me I need to add the barcode because it looks classy. I told him we had a QR code already with same data. His anwser, yeah but it looks better with Barcode added too. Just f*** off! Your classy, shitty barcode will have a great price as it’s weekend. Thanks @linuxxx for the url shortner, it’s awesome!9
-
My client has a production branch for hot fixes. This branch is published directly. No previous QA revisions, no unit (or any automate) testing.
Today, the publish failed 4 times in a row, and still they are asking to themselves, why the publish failed?
Well, is simple: the PROD-HF branch was outdated for like, 6 previous changes, and nobody knew (I can't see the production branch, only the product owners and managers have access... total access)
One day wasted with this preventable issue. FML -_-¡2 -
My leader was yelling at me cause i couldn't relate two tables, the first has a decimal(15,5) PK and the second has char(20) as a FK.
WELL TELL ME HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I RELATE THEM YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT ??
Decimal !!! I could not believe my fucking eyes ! And Fuck keeping the clients satisfied!
Well, sorry, i just wanted to let it out.1 -
Benefits of using Strings for Boolean intended logic?
I'll go first
easily implement cases before finally checking if true
generateUsername: { type: String }
if(generateUsername == 'humanReadable'){
// generate a username in a human readable format AKA yoDudeImRainbow
} else if(generateUsername == 'hash'){
// generate a username by using a random hash
} else if(generateUsername){
// generate a username by using a random hash
}21 -
So I was talking to my gf (a filosopher) about why I don't like a Cisco ad.
She sent me this, this morning. . .
Have you heard about it? Where can I learn more?
2 -
Why don't most products follow a minimalist approach right till the end? Most start ups start like that. But when things begin to fall apart or become better they tend to deviate. While the earlier reason is understandable (because no one likes to fail so they'll do anything to not fail), the second reason seems to me more of an organisational creation than what the users want.
From my understanding as the product becomes popular positions (managerial or product) created need to justify their presence. What do they do? So the breath of fresh air brings in a lot of garbage that may not be required and would be in deviance from the main product idea.
It is debatable that audiences would not accept such ideas that are being brought in, because hey audiences are smart. And they are. But the organisation in order to justify the original wrong decision tends to push their new features (through offers or marketing campaigns). This makes the organisation invested into a wrong direction and security of jobs of the new managers/product people. Win win situation, but lose lose for the organisation and the original product. -
when you start a project with "im gonna do this MVC thing correctly this time" then after a few days, weeks you realise everything is a controller
am i the only one?3 -
When client asks for stupid changes, its easier to make changes than to explan why you think it's stupid.3
-
Need 🍺, but it’s still early, maybe a little bit later after this (I missed kirin beer)
Came back home past 1 AM last night, to support the so called “production deployment”,
Jut remembering about it makes me wanna punch one of the assholes and be done with it,
But I’ll try to stay on the positive side, and got another memorable “stupidly amusing conversations I’ve heard this week”,
Bit of backstory, a while ago, a guy from the other squad was tasked to create a modal popup to show an image, but the PO doesn’t like it because the pop up is square and the image looks cropped (because the aspect ratio is different duh), and somehow asked me to fix it,
Me: okay, how do you want it?
PO: well, go figure, just make the popup full screen and without border
Me: border? What border?
PO: tch, you see the popup has border, it’s the empty part where the image is not covering the popup
Me: ah you mean the grey space?
PO: whatever, grey space, white space, just fix it
*And somehow last night in the middle of the so called “production deployment”
PO: hey, why’s this image still cropped?
Me: lemme see, *mild shock (it’s called a different fucking aspect ratio you shit for brains)
PO: see, the image is still cropped
Me: well, you used a tablet, which is wider than the phone, so if you want the image to cover the popup, that will happen
PO: I told you to fix the cropped image
Me: (and you never instructed me shit, provide a fucking design at least) well, Its aspect ratio is different, if you want the image to be contained then you’ll have “empty spaces” on the side of the popup
PO: tch, contain, cover, whatever, can’t you figure something out,
Me: you can try stretching your tablet, see if it fixed itself (the image is zoomable anyway, or do you also want to complain that the image is cropped when zoomed)
PO: ...
*fucking moron
Apparently these guys really cannot be underestimated, even a simple geometry confuses them,
I wonder if I can make it until July (the supposed end of contract), and I definitely don’t want to be placed on this project any longer, -
Please share the weirdest business logic you had to implement!
I remember having to filter certain categories and specific movies based on ID that were.. Well.. German porn.. Hardcoded Ids, not proud2 -
sounds logic, ..does it?
git commit -m "session now holds 'null' as date if equals today. This way a 'today' is always possible, even if yesterday was today and today is now the tomorrow from yesterday"
original german git message: "session hält 'null' als date, wenn gleich heute. So ist ein 'heute' immer möglich, auch wenn gestern heute war und heute mittlerweile das morgen von gestern."
Who finds the startrek reference? -
Have you ever wondered why !important is even working? Imagine this:
element {
color: #FF0000 !important;
}
It literally means the red color is NOT IMPORTANT. And this overwrites previous CSS rules such as in this example, previous element.color. Like seriously, where is the logic here? :D17 -
Have any of you noticed how bad the new Google login page is? They invented reCAPTCHA, yet they use the old one. Considering how easy it is to make a mistake in the captcha and have to retype the password, people could start making shorter passwords (<16 characters) and seriously lower the security level of their accounts.5
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RIDDLE!!!
Find the right word and make sure it makes sense =D
"(blank) is hard. (blank) is even easier."7 -
Reviewing and explaining 1 year old bad application logic to your client because he asked for it and now he can't remember how the application work.
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Here's some nice UI logic in Android Play Console.
There's more than 50 apps in this account, so I click on Filter to find the app I was working on. Options are "Unpublished apps" and "Draft apps". The app I want is in "Draft" so I click "Draft". Nothing changes, so I figure it's broken. Then I try to find my app and it's missing.
Why?
Because some shithole thinks that a filter dropdown should hide what I'm looking for. Thanks for that! -
Yesterday I had to register my new credit card with a national payment app (MobilePay) and it kept giving me error 32, which says "a technical error happened please try again"... Real fucking useful u peace of shit app 😠
Turns out, after a bit of research, that it will sometime crash if you language is not set to a european language. Guess what? I had mine set to English... English (US)... 😧
Like, what the fuck is that? Why would you check if a person might be from EU, be checking the language setting?
Get your shit together 😑3 -
That moment when you start to use propositional logic in a conversation with normal people, but the others don't get what you are talking about.1
-
Fucking building websites from scratch at hackathons are a nightmare and a half to deal with.
I went to a hackathon recently where my team was building a website, which was the first time I did web dev at a hackathon. While I'm no stranger to JavaScript (Node.js), I'm a noob when it comes to front-end web dev, especially with HTML and CSS. We were building the website from scratch since none of us has ever used a framework and we didn't think we would need one (bad idea!).
There was a JS function that would show a modal with a map for choosing a location when the user clicks on a button. The function was supposed to inject some HTML into the modal, since that's how the library wanted it. The bug that I encountered originated from the to-be-injected HTML, where if you had a valid closing script tag (like "</script>"), some of the the code that was supposed to run just gets printed on the modal. But if you invalidate the tag by just adding a space somewhere (like "</ script>"), it would display nothing on the modal. You can also see in the image posted that Sublime is colorizing the text as if it was valid HTML, despite the fact that the entire string is wrapped in a single quote string and surrounded by script tags themselves and the other closing tags are not highlighted differently.
The more infuriating part is that after a bit of testing after the hackathon, I shit you not, that same code works if you put it in it's own JS file and imported that into the HTML one. Where the fuck is the logic in that??
In retrospect, I was probably too tired to think of that fix or I may have overlooked something stupid, but I can't help but feel angry that I couldn't even pitch at the hackathon (they only wanted working projects to be pitched) thanks to some arbitrary glitch that broke half of the functionality of the project. Next time, I'm either using a framework or just letting someone else handle the web dev stuff for a future hackathon.
Oh and one more thing...FUCK YOU HTML WITH YOUR TRANS-DIMENSIONAL BULLSHIT TAGS THAT HAVE A 10% CHANCE OF NOT WORKING AND FUCKING MY PROJECT SIDEWAYS WITH A RUSTY KNIFE DURING A HACKATHON. IF I EVER HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR BS AGAIN, I'LL PERSONALLY BITCH SLAP YOUR ASS BACK TO THE COLD DEPTHS OF SUBSPACE.
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Built a quick mockup for a custom CRM as the client was unsure about the UX/UI and wanted to see something before going ahead, used an online tool for the example.
Client wasn't happy when they saw the overall breakdown of costs. They didn't want to pay as much because "most of it was already built"5 -
Time it took me to write REST API and DB objects = 20 mins
Time it took me to to write a shitty Python 15-line script that parses a text file with regex's = 2 hours after I asked Stackoverflow
Don't even know what to say.4 -
So.... Every time I add some form of graph to a site and allow people to filter, I always get "your analytics are wrong".
99.9% of the time they just aren't as high as the client expects.... Anyone else get this?
It's so fucking irritating Jesus Christ. -
I got a call from a recruiter and told him I wasn't looking for a job. He told me he was ringing for clients who were looking for people who we well looked after in their jobs and not looking for work!
-
Company logic: "we need a new software manager for the program. This guy has worked on every piece of our product. Including as team lead of one of the teams. But wait he has never signed time cards. We better bring in this guy who has been in the company less than a year and is a known job shopper to do it instead."
Long story short, I am getting a new software manager that knows nothing about our product. Fun4 -
*Write code → run it → works.
*dont even touch that→ run it after few days → doesnt work..WHY?!?!?2 -
When you said your Project Manager that you don't have experience with something: "ok, I will tell client that you can help them with that" :/
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You have a job for 7 days and you will get paid with 1 piece of gold per day. Problem is there's a block of gold made up of 7 pieces, and there is a knife that can cut it only twice. How would you solve this problem? Making sure the employee has the right amount of gold every day!
There are no tricks in the question like buying a new knife or whatever. There is a unique mathematical solution. Go!8 -
Having a meeting with an old client of our company's today, guiding him through the deployment process for his front and backend, because he thought that we were withholding information, and at one point in the call he asks me if the './' at the beginning of the deployment script was a special security measure put in place by us... 😂
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So I have to accociate location address to the location which isn't created yet,
Plus locations can be added multiple at same time and address could be multiple of one location1 -
When there is this important task you must finish, but the ones who wants you to complete it on time waste your time with pointless meetings.
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Am currently developing an app which uses an IaaS named Auth0. Great experience so far, reasonable docs, unlimited users, social login, sso and support for about $29/m.
After an inquiry from a customer to provide MFA, I contacted Auth0 to see what it would take to use this feature.
"We only offer this in our Enterprise plan which starts at $18k/yr."
Well, fuck me with a pitchfork and call me Bridget the midget. I'll code it my goddamn self.1 -
Met a client. He need some abc services. Client asked me what will be the sla uptime. I told him unintentionally that it will be 99% instead of 99.99% and he was like that's good. I mean seriously....?
Was he okay with the 3 days 15 hrs downtime?5 -
The hardest thing about writing code that works can be logic. For example, figuring out how to say you want to go to the next page when the form submit button is pressed, but not actually move to the next step is an error was thrown during processing.
This is one of those times when. I force a random member of my family to sit there and listen to me talking, pretty much to myself, until I figure it out. But hey, it generally turns out pretty good! (If not my energetic nephew)
4 -
Ohh god kill me!! Instructing to edit the project on the last hour is the biggest sin someone could ever commit!! Fuck clients.1
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The moment when you don't understand the code, is the your head getting drilled with a screw in circular motion.
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Just when I thought a project I'm analyzing has done a good implementation, I found out that they got lazy and started writing business logic DIRECTLY into models!! Now stuff is tightly coupled that extracting it will cause unknown effects.
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client: Your sh** page doesn't work, i haven't been able to do a single sale in hours...
me: have you tried to reload the page?
client: Of course i... oh wait, that was the problem, thanks anyways1 -
Write 5 pages full of relevant information for a 15 mark question in the Human computer interaction exam but the teacher chooses to give me 2 marks , why? Because I didn't write everything that was given in the words exactly ( I had written it in my own words) . Don't know whether today's engineers are supposed to know how to use their brains or whether they must just know how to copy paste some shit.5
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My client told me that she was not happy with her website because there were unnecessary boxes on one of the pages.
Me: Unnecessary boxes?
Her: Yes, at the bottom of the contract page.
Me: boxes... Boxes... Wait, did you mean the footer?
Her: Yes. They are not relevant. Please remove them.1 -
When someone ask me to pick between two things to eat using "or" I take both because it's true.
- "Popcorn or nachos"
- Both2 -
[FEATURE_REQUEST] Could we get a stat that shows how many consecutive days we've visited / opened DevRant?3
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!rant
Aside from performance concerns.. which one would you prefer for an optional callback?:b
I always use B, but i'm kinda interested in what you guys say.
✌
9 -
> Facebook is shit
> Any tool developed by Facebook is gold (well most of them)
> Paarthurnax once said: "What is better ? To be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?"
> Facebook is a dragon3 -
It is better to write almost all of the logic used in the code as comments/documentation.
Trust me.
It is a good thing. It increases Code readability.
Nobody is going to copy your logic and get hired in a high paying job or get promoted for that reason. People will come to know about your wit and will appreciate you instead.3 -
We're developers, we use our logic everywhere, we might be use our brains more than others, so I ask you:
Have you ever thought "I'm the smartest of my friends", if yes, what is or what do you think your IQ is?
(using the common deviation IQ)6 -
I love the logic that underlies algorithm. But nowadays I fear that this is almost disappeared, now programming a software is 5% logic and 95% read system specificactions, documentation, implement third part solutions, think about who developed the system thought it had to be and rant because you don't understand it. I like to solve math problems using algorithms rather than deal with user interactivity, for example. Yes, all this is pointless, but sometimes I miss the exercises that I did at school or in "IT Olympiad"
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Anyone from Service Based IT Companies.? How much it really sucks to convince everyone around you about the idea you want to implement, but it cannot because the client is not happy and if he is not happy the management is also not happy. Its like we are chained to the chairs and systems, not letting us look at the outside world, where elegant solutions exists for smiple problems.
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Not a webdev so I don't care about how a website looks, but logical failures can really trigger me at times.
E.g. this German federal page you had a bunch of options to fill in your employment status. Though being incomplete it forced you to choose one from the list and then at the end you have to checkmark that you filled in everything correctly reminding you there might be legal consequences otherwise. Thanks.
Amusingly on the same page their enum to string converter seemed broken or they just didn't care. So options to choose from read like: Enum_marital_status_unwed_coupled
Fucked up the screen shot so I can't show, but made me chuckle.2 -
The issue with working in a small company is that is that talking to operations is so fucking hard sometimes. How the fuck can you dispute the validity of a if true statement. If it's true it's fucking true.
1 -
Had a hell of a week trying to convince a client that "Case Sensitivity" is a real thing in programming languages.
So there was some typo in some third party code which client had provided which was not giving the accurate results, but the client was not ready to listen. I asked him to get the variable rectified from the 3rd party from
var1 to Var1
But he somehow had a notion in the back of his mind that the 3rd party could never ever be wrong and it was surely I who had screwed up the code and he won't even bother the other team.
He was all like "I don't understand anything remotely connected with coding, but do explain me why is this not working ?" (His exact words)
Me (thinking): umm, WTF !!!
After to and fro for the whole damn week, finally able to convince him ( I guess, still doubtful) after giving the video and link of a jsfiddle showing him all the freaking magic of caseSensitivity! -
I'm working on a pretty big dataviz project. There was supposed to be a deadline at the end of the month for a first full demo.
This morning I wake up to an email from the client saying the deadline moved to next Monday and they just "forgot to tell me before".
Also, the dev from the client's company who is supposed to prepare the data/API to be used for the project said he'll be able to send something at the end of the week.
They're clearly not going to get what they want for Monday...2 -
So I'm recreating my school's website so that instead of using Joomla we will now use static HTML and a bit of JS to load the posts (which are also just in plain HTML). I've decided to use bootstrap's navbar instead of menus on both sides for better mobile experience.
I tried to change the default colors from grey on white to white on dark red using external css. Changing background color worked fine, but the text did not want to change color. I had to download the sass files and include it in my main css. Then I could change the text color, but only through variables. The point is, Why did they make background easily changeable, but not the text? Where is consistency?6 -
*Kill Logic.sh* when you are aproached online for a partime job while the same page shows you have a fulltime job.
-
I just don't get why CSS shorthands don't get to follow the X-Y pattern, such as margin 10px 5px, as 10px for width and 5px height. WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THE INVERSE?
I don't use CSS very often, but when I do, I remember how stupid and nonsense that is.2 -
Three days out from a field trial, I receive a bug report and change request. A month ago I was told that testing had been completed and the feature set signed off.
Not only have all our manufacturers received their hardware images, not only have they fulfilled our orders but all units have been delivered to our customers!!
After pointing all of this out I hear that wonderful phrase all Devs know and love, "well how hard can it be?"
"Well how hard can it be to flash all of the hardware?"
That has been delivered to all of our customers?
In every state?
All over the whole country?
Just No!2 -
Client: I need to organize this data in my database, just let me create any folder, and folders inside folders. I mean, it is a database so you can create folders right?
Me: I'll see what I can do
Inner me: NO, F U, that's not easy, that's not how databases work, WTH is wrong with you4 -
I find it very surprising that people at work are always reluctant to do code reviews. There are no standards in place and everyone is free to push whatever they want. There is Sonar but it doesn't catch bad logic. Don't know how are we going to deal with this technical debt.4
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!rant
Anyone else wonder how they got into the kind of the coding they're in?
Like, I wanted to make plugins for music software and DAWs and now I do front end web...
I don't even know what fucking language is used for something like that -
If (true) {
// do else action instead
} else {
// fallback code
}
...no one else is in the pod, I "could" open a bottle, but I also have a deadline. X-o -
English:
"I'm a liar."
Supposing I tell the truth, I'm not a liar. But that would mean that I am a liar, since I said that I am a liar.
Assuming I did not tell the truth, I would be a liar. But since I said the truth, I would not be a liar.
If one starts from the classical logic, one can make no logical statement. If one starts from the three-valued logic, I would say that "unknown" (u, ½
Is that true, what do you mean?
German:
"Ich bin ein Lügner."
Angenommen, ich würde die Wahrheit sagen, bin ich keine Lügner. Dies würde aber bedeuten dass ich ein Lügner bin, da ich ja gesagt habe dass ich ein Lügner bin.
Angenommen ich würde nicht die Wahrheit sagen, wäre ich ein Lügner. Aber da ich die Wahrheit gesagt habe wäre ich kein Lügner.
Wenn man von der klassischen logik ausgeht, kann man keine logische Aussage machen. Wenn man von der Dreiwertige Logik ausgeht, würde ich sagen, das "unbekannt"(u, ½) rauskommt.
Stimmt das, was meinst du?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...
https://code.sololearn.com/cFvKb3r8...14
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