*Me and my GF who works for CIA*

Me: Send nudes
GF: Whose do you want ?

My Friend: Dude our Linux Server is not working anymore!

Me: What? What did you do?

My friend: Nothing I swear!

Me: But you were last on it?

My friend: Yes. I just wanted to run a bash file and needed to give it permissions.

Me : WHAT DID YOU ENTER???!

My Friend: Chill man, just this command I found on the internet
chmod -R 600 /
chown -R root:root /

Me: WHY ARE YOU EVEN IN ROOT AND GOD DAMMIT WHY ARE YOU EVEN USING SOME RANDOM COMMAND FROM THE INTERNET. YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD NOT DO THIS OR JUST ASK!

My friend: Ok I did something wrong, how can I fix it?

Me: Did you make a backup or rsync of the server?

My friend: No. I just wanted to run this file.

Me: You holocausted the server. FUCK MY LIFE

Source: https://twitter.com/AcademiaObscura...

//Today 8:41 am
Mom: Son, the printer is messed up again(for the 12th time)
Me: Mom, again I don't know whats wrong with it
Mom: but you did computers and stuff
Me: send me a picture
// I go buy the same exact model i replace it.
Mom: Son, why is it black?
Me: :/

Just got this slack from our server admin.

Got the best cake for my 30th birthday. Only if my wife understood what language I program with. I still love her though!

My friend said this,

Roses are red,
The screen turned blue,
I'm not a programmer,
What the fuck do I do.

Up to no good

I was a freshman in highschool when I encountered the book entitled "Teach Yourself Visual Basic 6 in 21 Days"

I loved that book so much that it took me 4 years to finish it.

Privacy is a legend

Person: Hey, I heard you are good at programming, can—

Me: No.

Rashly say to a web developer colleague that you'd quite like to learn to code. Feel too awkward to decline the subsequent invitation. Meet for coffee, discuss basics. Understand nothing. Go home and Google extensively. Start trying code out at home. Cry. Swear. Make a thing that does a thing. Try to make another thing. Fail. Give up. Try again. Start an online tutorial. Work through said online tutorial. Start contributing on Github. Discuss Laravel. Play with Laravel. Set out your own Laravel project. Get engaged to the colleague who said they'd teach you. Get sent a technical test. Stare at the test blankly for days on end. Have an idea. Try to implement the idea. Cry some more, swear some more. Enjoy it. Get hooked. Hate it. Enjoy it. Finish it. Stare at the screen in amazement and wonder what has gone wrong because you are getting the result you were expecting. Rinse, repeat.

So I picked up my nephew from his kindergarten and he told me that forks have round holes.
I laughed and said that forks don't have holes, otherwise the food would fall down through them.

It turs out that he was right and I was wrong.

Rofl😂😂😂

Dont you challenge me

Guys the ++ and -- buttons aren't perfectly centered.

Got a graphing calculator in high school for math class. Needed to memorize a bunch of formulas, saw you could program them in the calculator with BASIC. Sold the program to other students, profit.

When you're the only one in the company that starts early and you have to wait 2 hours until you can actually talk to someone... :(

Classname
ClassName
Class-name
Class_name

There are four types of people. Who are you?

Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.

Check this out! My "Dell-rolling man" is now ranting as well.

My friend said an intern designed this UI for an internal site.

No. Just... no

How did I learn to program?
It's the funniest story actually.
I studied Computer Engineering where I took programming courses.

How did I learn programming?
When I joined college I was literally the dumbest in the class... I didn't even know what is a char and what is a String.. Our lecturer made fun of and humiliated me in front of the whole class....also my parents barely afforded my college tutotion fed...
So one night I sat with myself and reevaluated myself and decided that no matter how hard it is gonna be, I must become an excellent programmer....spent restless nights and days learning the core of programming in c++ then switched to Java *best day in my life* and also learned Android development.. And later JavaScript "mostly worked with jQuery and AngularJs*
In my final year project I built an Android web browser that even the lecturer that made fun of me was impressed by..and my app was rated the best project of that batch.
Now I'm working as a Java web dev and made a promise to myself that I'd learn something new every day.

This made my Day...

Startup Quote...

My car's license plate:

University highlight

Professor: I uploaded 25 C exercises with a 3 week deadline at eclass.

*4 hours later* Me: I completed the exercises.

Professor: ﴾͡๏̯͡๏﴿ O'RLY?

Me: Let me show you

???

Professor : Feel free to skip class for the rest of the month

Well played!

Went through this bad boy in 2 days. Yes, I have masochistic tendencies... 1060 pages of sweetness

When you're close to the deadline and you just need things to work 😲

Note: our PM is new.
PM: can you help me?
Me: sure, what do you need?
PM: where do the folders with all the techie stuff come from?

I had no context and spent the next 20 minutes trying to work out what folders she was on about. Turned out she wanted to know where the client side folders on our development server come from, was going to explain 'Gulp' and 'Branch' to her but I think I'd be there for the rest of the day... Why do 'tech' companies hire non-tech-savie people.