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Me brute forcing into the appartment (where i rent my room) modem:
*tries all most easy/logical combinations*
Nope.
*tries more difficult ones*
Nope.
*hmm.... no please not both just blank....... 😷*
Admin access granted.
😩12 -
Just watched a video where someone (in relation to the new mass surveillance law in the netherlands) asked people on the street if they had something to hide.
Everyone said no.
"Could you get your phone and show me around?"
Everyone said yes.
"May I take a look at your messages/pictures/browsing history?"
Suddenly 80 percent said no.
"But you said you had nothing to hide!"
"I'm going to take that back."45 -
Person: HTML is a programming language
Me: No it's not
Person: Yes it is it can compute things
Me: No it can't, and what do you mean?
Person: Have you ever heard of a script tag
Me: That's not fucking HTML that's JavaScript.16 -
Last year, my company sent me to India to coordinate stuff.
Me, to my wife: "They've chosen me because they trust my social skills."
Her: "OMG, what is the rest of the company like?!"
LOL.. :-)3 -
Had an external hdd for backing up family photos etc. (back when I just discovered Linux and still used windows as well)
Connected it to my windows system and it said that the thing was corrupt and i had to format it.
Well fuck, a few hundred gb's of pictures, memories, backups etc etc probably lost. (keep in mind I didn't know that much about computers at that point)
Was about to format that thing with literally tears in my eyes when I thought I'd, because why the fuck not since I was out of options anyways, try it as well on my Ubuntu installation.
EVERYTHING WAS STILL ON THERE AND PERFECTLY ACCESSIBLE.
After a very much rage attack on windows I formatted the windows partition and used that as a backup space as well :).34 -
— Hi, lost and found office?
— Yes, can I help you?
— You found two hours of my life?
— It does not compile, right?
— Nope :/5 -
Me, in the zone, staring at the code. Co-worker enters.
Co: hey, can you...
Me (not really listening): no.
Co: it's just...
Me: no.
Co: later?
Me: no.
Co: but...
Me: no.
Co: (leaving)14 -
Motherfucker. It's two thousand fucking seventeen. You can get a free ssl certificate for any website.
Then WHY are there still some fucking websites which contain login portals, sensitive information or anything that SHOULD be protected in transit WITHOUT FUCKING SSL?!
I hope that the people who manage those sites and are AWARE that they can get a free cert but don't do that die in agonising pain.
This really fucking pisses me off.
On another note, EVERY site should have SSL, it's free anyways and protects your visitors from a range of threats.-25 -
Job offer: "All employees will be provided Macbooks"
Nope! Just nope.
Let your dev chose their equipment, thank you very much.
If they want a Linux laptop, buy them one. If they want a Windows workstation, give it to them. And if and only if they want a Macbook, give them a Macbook.
I used to work in two companies having the requirement to use a Macbook for two years.
I know its pros. I know its cons. My conclusion for me: Never again!15 -
Colleague: I really wish array index in all languages would start from 1. If I ever write a language the index will start from 1.
Me:
7 -
That moment when the development manager says "nothing is impossible"
And then starts to spend the whole day assigning the new tasks.
1 -
Undev life
"If I'm ever on life support, unplug me .......and then plug me back in, see if that works"4 -
"We e-mailed out the wrong newsletter last night, how do we get them all returned back before anyone reads them?"
- Client
...I, uh, nope.2 -
Senior architect-type person at work wants me to review some code he's written. Is it on GitHub/Gitlab/Bitbucket etc? Nope. "Here, I've printed it out for you. " 😂
When was the last time you printed code out? Also it's in black and white, times new roman😱💀20 -
devRanter : YESSSSSS!!!!!! 5 more to get a free stressball!
dfox : (nope!) You can get a free stressball if a rant you posted has got more than 750++.
devRanter : DAMN IT!14 -
Phone in my cubicle goes straight to voicemail when someone calls. Boss wants me to get it fixed so clients and he can reach me.
Yeah, I'll get right on that. 👌2 -
$Me: *whispers* Do you like it rough baby?
$Her: *moans* uhuh
$Me: *continues whispering* I'm gonna implement a dynamic programming algorithm for you.
$Her: ahhhhhhh yaass *looses control of her body*
Fictional scenario of course I'd never implement shit for nobody who isn't paying.4 -
When an "entrepreneur" tells you about his "fantastic" ideas and expects you to be all excited and wanting to develop it for him.
Nope.7 -
A website just emailed me my forgotten password in PLAINTEXT.
I'm out of breath from running for the hills so fast.19 -
The story of Netscape and Internet Explorer really proves the irony of fate! And how life will come back to bite you.
Back in the 90's you had to pay for browsers like Netscape (it was called a navigator but same thing) but after Microsoft released IE for free with your windows copy in 2002 it crushed Netscape and nobody used it anymore (the graph below).
But! Netscape wouldn't give up and before the company died after it made legal accusations against Microsoft and Bill Gates and made them pay for that they did, but Netscape was too far gone and already were falling apart they decided to make a self detonation (I guess that's what they thought being in that tight corner) and they released the code as open source which would later get taken by Mozilla and be the code base for Firefox.
Now look at how much better Firefox is and how nobody uses the shitty IE!
Kind of reminds me of the scene from watchmen where Rorshack was in prison and said the best sentence in the movie "I'm not locked in here with you. You're locked in here WITH ME!"
21 -
(I'm using Sennheiser bluetooth headphones)
Me: What device is that music coming from?
*checks desktop, nope*
*checks laptop, also nope*
*checks for phone, can't find phone*
*checks living room*
*checks bedroom*
*notices phone is in hand with google play music open*
Wireless headphones are weird. -
Craziest deadline I've ever had...
Task: Patch 193 machines
Environment:
- no configuration/patch management
- no knowledge of the machines
- no contact info/application owners
...timeframe...do it today!
Here's the winner...do we have credentials for these machines? Ha, nope.6 -
Some people assume that since I am techy that I have a really good laptop or setup.
Nope.
Just have my raspberry pi 3 as my main computer. Go Linux🔥🔥12 -
My girlfriend always wanted to have kids while I don't want any, when she does eventually talk about having kids I'll make her this deal "I'll give you a kid if you can close this vim window with out googling how to do it"
It's fail proof10 -
"It's nice outside, let's go somewhere?"
... I asked my girlfriend this morning.
"Nope, I'm couchbased today."
... she replied wearing a couchbase t-shirt I brought from a conference.4 -
#+BEGIN_QUOTE
What’s 5 plus 2?
7.
Correct.
What’s 5 plus 3?
8
Nope. It’s 10, because we turned 5 into 7, remember?
#+END_QUOTE2 -
Stupid shitheads among the web designers, fucking listen up. Your fucking design is not the point of websites - the content is. You are not supposed to shove the content away to have your moron design shine in its purest debility.
Yeah I know, white space minimalism yadda yadda, clean interface - and you dumbasses just remove functionality to simulate a clean interface, to the point of using hamburger fuckups on desktop. Pull your heads out of your asses, that's not how to design an interface! Not to mention that you idiots still guzzle through the megabytes and dozens of domain lookups for your chickenshit minimalism.
While we're at it, not everyone is 20 years old like you youngsters - you won't believe it, but there is life beyond 40, and while such age is unthinkable to you because you are so dumb that you will hardly reach that age anyway, others on this planet have managed to get there. No 20/20 laser sight, you know.
Fuck you with your light grey thin fonts on white background because it looks "clean", it just SUCKS you wankers. Fuck you with your stupid ghost buttons that don't even look like a button. You know how to operate the shit you made, but reality check here, users spend most of their time on fucking other websites than on the abomination you have designed!
Get that into the shit bubble that you call your brain and read WCAG 2.1! That's not only for disabled people, but everyone will be able to use that shit better!6 -
Client: "Dear Mr. I still have not received the final version yet. I had planned to send it out to my customers at the end of the week."
-------
Me (1st answer I did not give):
"Ok. I accept your statement as true, since I did not send you anything. Furthermore I respect your wish."
Me (2nd answer I did not give):
"Well I am sorry. Before today you did not once mention that there was a deadline. ASAP is not how I do things. Please do your project management."
Me (answer I gave): "Dear Client, due to a huge demand for our services we are forced to prioritise. We are doing our best to complete the project as fast as possible. Please understand however that we can not reschedule with 3 days notice. Because of technical requirements the product can be send on Friday next week. Please let us know if this works out for you. - Kind regards. Me. "
-__-""""4 -
Office prank time! It was some years ago when the horror movie "The Grudge" came out, with that creepy Japanese dead girl who made that horrible "aaahhhhhh" sound. A coworker, who was just as shocked by the movie as I was, would occasionally send me emails with sceenshots from that movie.
One day, I upped it. I knew he was the first in the office in the morning, so I arrived even before him. It was still dark. I put a walkie-talkie under his desk, set it to "no beep", switched off the lights again and hid two rooms away.
Sure enough, he arrived. I waited for about 10 minutes to be sure he was sitting at his desk. Then I used my walkie-talkie and "aahhhhh".
WOAH, his scream was loud even two rooms away!3 -
Holy shit, I'm really impressed with the high tech park my dentist has. She takes pictures of a tooth, a computer makes a 3D model out of that, then she grinds down the tooth as necessary and takes pictures again.
From the difference, the computer generates the data for the tooth crown, including warning spots where it could be too thin so that a bit more grinding is needed.
Then she corrects some spots manually and sends it over to the CNC machine in the next room that cuts the thing from a ceramics block with correct colour. Some heat treatment later, and the tooth crown fits perfectly.
Gone are the days with dental imprints, provisional crown and not quite fitting final crown.2 -
When you realize the legacy PHP code you're working in has a class you're extending with over 2000 lines and you think, "Nope, this isn't a class, it's a university."2
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It bugs the crap out of me that GitHub.com is not fully responsive.
Mobile?
Check
Desktop?
Check
Everything in between?
Nope nope nope
Also, if you want to waste a huge chunk of time, try to google if you can contribute to GitHub.com. 🙄20 -
spent 7-8 months looking for work (did a few freelance jobs in the mean time), spent what's worth of days on LinkedIn.. no reply at all, talked to recruiters got declined over the phone after 2-3 mins of call time..
Applied to a company branch in my home country nailed the 4+1(code challenge) interviews, will be leaving this Saturday morning (in 2days) now the bloody bastards start to reply and send offers for positions they have, when I clearly have to decline as I don't want to be left empty handed..
fuck you Sam, Jake and the other pricks that decided it is OK to reply after 3-4 months.. go fuck yourselves with a horse's dick you piece of crap.. After you're done, go shoot yourselves with the gun for ugly dumb animals!!! Hate you!
Kind regards, dev-nope!3 -
I built a tracking suite for our fleet of printers quite some time ago. Once a day, "bizteam" (aka sales) gets an alert detailing how many printers are in critical need of attention (out of paper, mechanical error, etc.), and how many of them are flat-out offline. They don't seem to care. I mean they do, I think? but. the offline percentage hasn't changed much in the past month or two.
These printers constitute a primary part of our business model and... screw it. they're goddamn important, okay?
A full 16% of our printers are OFFLINE. Most of those HAVE BEEN OFFLINE FOR 3 FUCKING MONTHS.
3% of our printers have been online BUT OUT OF PAPER FOR OVER A MONTH.
and what really baffles me...
We've convinced a few of these merchants to actually plug in their goddamn printers. (and yes, they actually *paid* for these things, and they're absolutely not cheap.) Some of those were previously both offline AND out of paper, yet after being plugged in, they're *STILL* OUT OF PAPER?! What the crap, people! It's a printer! it's not difficult! It's the same as every other fucking printer you have! and it's probably the same goddamn fucking model!
Did AlexDeLarge skullfuck your brain into mush? FIX YOUR SHIT!12 -
So yesterday I deployed a build on our release environment and i had added a new rest api end-point which I needed to test.. A heads up though, its written in java spring and the entire flow consisted of too many calls/returns from various other java & python services.. Also to make things worse, the entire deployment is a really cumbersome process as you need to copy the build from one box to another..
After like almost 4-5 hours of debugging, adding logs left right & center, crazy upload speeds (yaa this is sarcastic) and frustation at its peak, I found the issue..
There was an if condition that was checking for equality between an enum constant & an enum in a request aaaannnnnddd
*Drum roll
THE CONSTANT ENUM BELONGED TO THE WRONG PACKAGE HENCE ALWAYS EVALUATING TO FALSE... ALSO, BOTH THE ENUMS IN THE DIFFERENT PACKAGES ARE IDENTICAL... FUCCKKKKKKK MY LIFE
😑🔫1 -
When my partner in a project has a sudden change of heart and confesses to the the professor that he cheated and we both get a negative mark(-8 marks) even though i didn't know or participate in cheating 😡5
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How do you make a job offer so that only real 1337 haxx0rs will apply? Well https://automattic.com/ has found a way I guess.
6 -
Skynet is already here! They just call it windows update.... This shit can force itself through any number of times I say DISABLE AUTO FUCKING UPDATES.11
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thought I'd check why I'm getting connection timeout on my app
I think the problem is me and not the code
3 -
Finally got a good working new phone. Rooted and XPosed. Anyone any tips for good XPosed modules?22
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*Friend : Do you have something to hide?
Me : Nope.
Friend : Then why do you delete your browsing history every single time?
Me : .... Fine.
20 -
Fuck you idiots at medium.com for your sheer impudence. Not only that you track me, which I havn't agreed to, you think it's a good idea to nag around and gather even more data!
You stinking farts label your stalking as "let's make things official"! Who shit in your head?
I've seen other places way more often, and guess what, no coffee bar has ever had the idea to ask for my ID card just because I bought my second or third coffee there.
But just because it's the internet you think it's OK to be intrusive wankers, yeah?! Fuck off.
6 -
Damn, credit cards are so fucking secure these days that you hardly can BUY shit with them!
I need some special electronics that I only can get from a vendor in the US, which is overseas. Click click, buy, done. Well no, credit card refused. WTF? Click retry link. No, still refused. FUCK.
Called up the 24/7 hotline of my CC company. Oh yeah, that got blocked by the security system, somehow. We disable that for 20 minutes, just retry. Clicked retry link at the vendor. No failure mail. Hmmm, too good to be true?! Called up the electronics vendor. Yeah should work, stuff is in the warehouse stage. 40 minutes later: credit card declined. FUCK.
Called up the CC company again. Ok, disable blocker for one hour. Nice advice from them, tell the vendor it's only 45 minutes so that there's some buffer. Clicked retry link at the vendor and called them up to make sure that they retry before the time runs out.
LO AND BEHOLD, I could finally pay the shit!!8 -
The spaghetti monster is online.
Literally changes on the last minute.
Pushed to master, let CI/CD deal with it and left for lunch.
Bugs? Haha, sure.
Serious one? You can bet.
Do you care? Nope.5 -
The feeling, when you realize that devRant uses PHP as main language... priceless..
haters gonna hate :D
Thanks, @dfox7 -
Me: *opens FB in mobile web browser*
FB: You there! Go ans get our great Facebook Lite app! It is faster and...
Me: Nope! *clicks X to dismiss*
FB: Nope! *a wild code appeared*
10 -
This morning in the office:
- bumblebee grounded
- diagnosed low fuel level
- refueled bumblebee with sugar water
- system check pass, airworthiness restored
- bumblebee asked tower for take-off
- tower opened flight window
- super-clean take-off
- bumblebee left control area
:-)4 -
We have a developer position open in our APAC office.
Before I take phone interviews, we ask candidates to complete a preliminary code test.
I’ve just been sent an email with code attached in screenshots...
nope.8 -
Monday, 8pm.
Terminal is writing outputs on my screen.
Spotify is running.
The calm.
And then, an electric impulse goes from a neurone to another, travelling through my synapses: an idea!
“What if I had a favourite terminal commands manager? That’d be so cool! I could have an automatic mode that listens to my terminal input/ retrieves list from “history” command and sets up a ranking of most used ones to reuse with a shortcut, and even better, you can create the list!
I’m gonna definitely do this!”
5 Minutes of Google later :
apt install iDontRemember
Sigh.11 -
Nopes. Not worth it. I still drink to get a lil tipsy and enjoy beer and liquor.
But after you land in the hospital due to alcohol poisoning and you beg the nurse to kill you to stop the suffering you NEVER want to be drunk again.
Damn near 8 years sober and without a hangover. When I was in the hospital I vow to never be put in that position.
Nope nope nope nope and more nope.
Being high af feels fucked up as well. Don't know why people would subject themselves to all this bullshit.19 -
Customer complained that the site was not rendering as it's supposed to. After spending hours trying to fix the bug I saw that the customer had zoomed the browser which obviously broke the rendering.6
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"Unable to capture the screen
This application or your company does not allow you to take screenshots."
I think it's time for root...
27 -
Being able to drink coffee (nope no decaf) including espresso's without my heart complaining. Idk that taste always gives me a boost!15
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"I don't care if this is much simpler in a native language! This is going to be written in Java" *even though it's only going to run on a single Windows machine*
As long as a .jar comes out I'm fine...
2 -
Was anyone forced to learn an obscure programming language during college? If so what was it and have you used it since?
Mine was ADA95 and nope lol29 -
When dev who insists on using their own vbox rather the officially maintained vagrant package asks you to debug a non-code issue...
2 -
Clients wants a complete reworked of their e-commerce website - sure will cost X amount.
It needs to be done before black Friday - nope6 -
There are two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.
This is really the stuff I have to deal on daily basis. -
For any complex project start simple by doing the MVP (minimum viable product) then build on it and change it until it reaches what you want in time.
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I just want to say that I don't look anything like my avatar. Maybe I looked a bit like that 50 years ago, but now ... nope. So, how about a wrinkly avatar option?11
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I want to know what brings you Joy while programming/coding?
I've been trying to catch that certain feeling...
For me it's having everything make sense and a logical flow through the code and it works every if it is adding two vars.
And please definitely not the money if you're coding for money then you're not enjoying it.14 -
TL;DR you suck, I suck and everybody sucks, deal with it....
------------------------------------
Let me let off some steam, since I've had enough of people hating on languages "just because"
Every language has it's drawbacks and quirks, BUT they have their strengths also. Saying "I hate {language}" is just you being and ignorant prick and probably your head is so far up your ass that you look like an ass hat. With that being said, every language is either good or bad depending on the developer writing in it. Let's give you an example:
If I ware to give you a brick and ask you to put a nail in a plank, can you do it? Yes, it will be easier if you do it with a hammer, but you have a brick, so hammer is out of the question. If you hit your thumb while doing it... well... sorry, but it is not the bricks fault - it is YOU!
JavaScript, yes it has a whole lot of problems, but it works, you can do a ton of stuff and does a good job at that, it is evolving through node and typescript (and others, just a personal pref), BUT if you used js when you ware debugging that jquery (1.0) plugin written in the free time of a 13 yo, who copy pasted a bunch from SO, well, it is not js' problem - deal with it. Same goes for PHP, i've been there where you had a single `index.php` with bazillion lines of code, did a bunch of eval and it was called MVC, but it also is evolving.. thing is all languages allow you to do some dumb stuff so YOU have to be responsible to not fuck it up (which you always DO btw, we all do). Difference is PHP/JS roll with it because the assumption is that you know what you are doing, which again - newsflash - you don't.
More or less I would blame that shit on businesses which decided to go with undergrads to save money instead of investing in their product, hell, I am in a major company that does not invest that doesn't care a whole lot about dev /tech stuff and now everybody's mother is an engineer - they care about money, because investors care about money (ROI) and because clean code does not pay the bills, but money does.
If we get all of the good practices and apply them to each language every one of them has it's place, that is why there is no "The Language", even if there was, we STILL ware going to fuck it up and probably it was going to be even worse than where we are now.
Study, improve, rinse and repeat... There are SENIORS and LEADS out there that are about 25-30 and have no fucking clue about the language, because they have stuck up their heads up the ass of frameworks and refuse to take a breath of clean air and consider something different than their dogmatic framework "way" of doing things.. That is the result you are seeing. Let me give you a fresh example to illustrate where I am at atm:
Le me works with ZendFramework 2.3-2.5 (why not, which is PHP5+ running on PHP7 [fancy, eh]), and little me writes a module for said project, and tries to contain it in its own space, i.e not touching anything outside of the folder of the module so it is SELF-CONTAINED (see, practices), during 2-3-4 iterations of code review, I've had to modify 4 different modules with `if (somthing === self::SOMETHING_TYPE)` as requested by my TL, which resulted in me not covering 3 use-cases after the changes and not adding a new event (the fw is event-driven, cuz.. reasons) so I have to use a bunch of ifs in the code, to check a config value and do shit. That is the way of I am asked to do things I hate what I've done and the fact that because of CR I have lost case-coverage, a week of work and the same TL will be on my ass on monday that things are now "perfect".
The biggest things is "we care about convention and code style"... right.... That is not because of the language, not because of me, not because of the framework - it is some dude's opinion that you hate, not the language.
New stuff are better, reinventing the wheel is also good, if it wasn't you would've had a few stone circular things on your car and things ware going to be like that - we need to try and try, that is the only way we actually learn shit.
Until things change in the trade, we will be on the same boat, complaining about the same shit over and over, you and me won't be alive probably but things will not change a bit.
We live in a place where state is considered good, god objects necessary (can you believe it, I've got kudos for using the term 'God Object'... yep, let that sink in). If you really hate something, please, oh god I beg you, show me how you will do it better and I will shake your hand and buy you a beer, but until then, please keep your ass-hurt fanboy opinion to your self, no one gives a shit about what you think, we will die and the world will not notice...6 -
> devRant offers to let me share my rants on Facebook.
> Majority of my colleagues and boss in my friends list.
Nope.2 -
If you ever get a problem with your Linux,
DO NOT EVER try out an answer on any random forum without reading all the comments/replies.
The problem spreads like a freaking wildfire and you will end up reinstalling Linux and losing data what wasn't backed up. (If by God's grace, you do a regular back up)2 -
Well on my last full-time job, that ware using cookies for authentication (not something new, eh?). The thing is, you see, the cookies had the 'accountId' which if you change to another number, kaboom you're that account, oh but that was not all, there was an option to mark the account type in there 'accountType', which was kind of obvious in VLE (virtual learning environment), 'Teacher', 'Student', 'Manager' put what of those values and boom you are that role for the session
Thing was open of SQL injection from the login form, from said cookies and form every part you can pass input to it, when I raised the question to my TL he said 'no one is going to know about thatt, I don't see what is the problem', then escalated to higher management 'oh well speak to *tl_guy*'
Oh and bonus points for it being written in ASP CLASSIC in 2014+ (I was supposed to rewrite, but ended up patching ASP code and writing components in PHP)
In 2015-2016, in a private college, charging kind-of big money per year1 -
Thank you @dfox and @trogus for the awesome service you've built! And thank you for making my life less stressful! :)
2 -
*installing linux on my mini laptop*
- Dad: "you should make a backup image of windows 10"
- Me: "LOL NOPE!"
(With 2gb of ram, linux makes it the perfect lightweight coding machine. But with W10? Jesus christ)6 -
A coworker asked me to give him a hand on a project last thursday at around 8:00pm, by Friday noon I had most of it complete. Then turn the code back to him. Then somehow , it got placed on me during the weekend....20 mins before leaving to San antonio to be with my sister while my niece was born. Yeah...no..sorry...guess who enjoyed SA this weekend? This guy. Past experiences have shown me that one should not sacrifice personal time for company bs. Specially here in south texas where the majority of employers are from Mexico. In Mexico, there is no worker appreciation culture, going above and beyond the line of duty to accomplish tasks is not met with any sort of consideration. So nope nope nope nope.18
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The feeling when everything works so smooth, but one little bug appears and you're like:
*covers the error log*
I don't see you, you little misery of mine... ^^
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X : Do you accept space for username at sign up?
Me : Nope, no space. Username shouldn't have space.
X : Lots of people have trouble at registration because of that.
😑😑😑10 -
So we had a class that should have 2 states 0 or 1, you think my coworker would be smart enough to represent it with a Boolean? NO!
Represent the state inside the object as an int then when using the object in a function creates a Boolean that determines the state of the object and after the function done it's job THEN call another function that takes the object and the Boolean and change the int state inside the object depending on the Boolean.
Wouldn't it have been whole lot easier to just you know..... Make the state a Boolean from the start.
When I saw this I knew I was witnessing a miracle of the human mind. God bless!
Ps: it wasn't connected to any kind of API nor server and there are never more than 2 states. It's just some local sequential code so don't assume it had a logical reason it's just a fuck up.5 -
Me: *Trying to get the mobile banking app*
App: Nope, you have a rooted device
Me: *disables root access for apps and adb*
App: Nope, you have a rooted device
Me: *Maybe a xposed module would help*
Xposed: Nope, you have android nougat
Me: *Maybe there's some LineageOS marshmallow rom for my phone*
LineageOS: Nope, just android 7.1
fml9 -
My wife was done with exercises on her electronic 88 keys piano.
Me: I also know something nice.
Her: oh so?
Me: (repeatedly typing key #3)
Her: (thinking)
Her: C hacking?!5 -
Extract from a quite old recruiter email (excluding the formalities):
Position: junior dev
Workplace: office for first year, can be changed to remote after (salary will be 50% lower if you go remote though) *suspicion levels starts raising*
Payment: 1€ per line of code (empty lines/comments excluded) or page of documentation *alarms start ringing*
Additional info: on high alert for 4 weeks every 6 weeks *wtf is going on*, salary bonus is 10€ per week *I stopped reading here and moved the email directly to the spam folder*8 -
You thought real fear is deploying to production friday afternoon?
Hah nope.
Real fear is forgetting to flock(); a public toilet door while doing a dump();1 -
Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb couldn't get their shit together for 3 months, but their bit is in order now. Will you work the weekend for free to make up the the schedule?
-
Me: *tries to deactivate windows 10 feedback*
Windows: nope *turns it back on*
Me: *please*
Windows: NO
Me: *Feels sorry for shitty quality*
2 -
$First coworker : My screen is not working....
*Second coworker looks at him then looked at me as I take off my headphone to throw the joke*
Me: well did you try to Raster your screen ?
*Both facepalm*
Both : graphics nerd
I'd say mission accomplished you have to establish dominance and a name for yourself -
Am I the only one who enjoys learning low languages like C/C++ and absolutely hate Java (seriously FUCK Java so much I hate using it)
Working with pointers and just having the compiler completely explode in your face because you forgot a semicolon or an index out of bounds maybe a bracket just disappeared and you are frustrated but then you fix it and voila it works like magic.
Maybe it's just a thing of mine because C++ was the first programming language I learned and I miss this feeling of hopelessness (I think I might have done BDSM fetishes) and it makes me feel nostalgic.
When I was first learning them all I thought about was how cool this stuff is.19 -
You're gonna use the 3D printer she said… You're gonna learn JavaScript she said… nope, all we learnt was three HTML tags that confused most people1
-
Co-worker is in his office.
Co-worker whistles continuously "The rains of Castamere" from the Game of Thrones series.
I like Game of Thrones.
I also like the series' score.
But not the way my co-worker interprets it.
Because it's wrong.
Anyway, he whistles.
Sometimes louder, sometimes less so.
It's very out of tune.
It's annoying.
I can't concentrate, let alone code.
Co-worker goes to a meeting.
Silence.
I delete the bullshit I've written earlier.
Then, I get some coding done.
Then, I'm relaxed again.
Then, Co-worker returns.
Now he hums.
It's the same song.
Over and over again.
Again.
It's not that much out of tune, but it's still annoying.
I can't think, I can't concentrate, let alone code.
My thoughts drift to a certain Red Wedding.
I imagine it in vivid detail.
Strangely, it's a happy place right now.
I imagine throwing my screen through two fucking walls.
I don't do it, because the laws of physics are against me.
But the thought is enough.
I'm at peace, again.
... also, I got to leave early today, so I got that going for me which is nice.
(I already had to tell that co-worker *not* to whistle loudly in the cafeteria - you can hear it in a big part of the building. We had some important customers over and Office Management was not amused.)6 -
>>"Oh we're more like family here and we like to have people join our family style instead of setting strict rules and punishing people " == "You'll stay late everyday and you won't be paid any extra hours and you'll be ass fucked with impossible deadlines unless you could fondle the managers balls"
True
>> -
Alright.. it appears to be setup sharing time. Here is mine:
Modded Chromebook (r11)
Hp 27" monitor
Random keyboard and mouse
Desk
4 -
Shaving with an old-style safety razor just rocks - that metal thing consisting of three pieces where a slotted, double edged razor blade fits in. With the good Russian Astra Platinum blades at 10 cent per piece where a hundred piece pack lasts for years. The whole thing can be fully dismantled and cleaned.
I can't understand why people use this modern overpriced Gillette shit at 2 EUR per piece that you can't even clean, with debris stuck in-between that starts to rot if you use the blade block more than once. Must be brainwashing by ads. Even worse for women who pay 50% extra for the pink version of that unhygienic shit.
Oh, and real shaving soap with a real shaving brush and not the canned aerosol garbage that doesn't really work anyway.8 -
When friend discovers I'm learning programmig.
Him : Soooo can you hack something ?
me : nope
him : not even facebook ? that's bad when will you be able to it.
me:.....
him: i don't know , i couldn't do it it's just typing all day
me: close the chat and log out of facebook for 1 day3 -
Just had an interview, but since I am a smart ass I decide that half an hour notice before the interview is OK after working the whole day with queues, docker & php multithreading, so we start an interview over Skype and my persona was able to duck up how simple joins work as well as function which is supposed to return the sum of even numbers between 2 and provided argument... I was off by 2..
Lesson learned never get in an interview after a whole day of mindfuckery .. Never -
Coworker Asks me for every little thing in the code 😑
He literally keeps asking me until I've written all the code for him and this goes on all day.
I really don't have a problem with helping him but he literally doesn't know anything (even the basic stuff) and is just getting code from other people and when I went on a holiday (3 days) he didn't do anything like literally no progress at all.
And yet he still gets paid more than me because I'm still a student 😥
Honestly I'm so done with this bullshit and I can't even get a job at a big company because apparently students are not dependable at all even if I do a better job than most devs who are 'years count' people where they barely knew anything and just do the job out of habit...15 -
browsed LinkedIn articles, saw one about "good qualities of WordPress Developer", first bullet point is "following coding best practices" is it just me or that is one of the main things wrong with WP
-
Oldie but goldie.. after my studies, I was looking for my first job and did interviews. In one of the companies, they asked me whether I knew C. Well yes, I had been programming in C. Ah no, that wasn't enough - they asked whether I was really good in C. I got suspicious and argued that there was the project documentation anyway, right? Turned out, no. The code was the documentation, as I had suspected.
Then my question - as freshman, mind you: "Do you have any plans to get to a more professional way of developing?"
The interview was pretty much over at that point, the boss got actually angry. Well, interviews work both ways, and he had failed. I surely dodged a bullet.2 -
So I was changing some CSS, but the changes weren't showing.
Was it being cached? Nope
Was the selector wrong? Nope
Well it was the right file yeah? Yup
So after like 10min of scratching my head, restarting the server, etc it turns out I was checking prod instead of dev.
This isn't even the first time this has happened 😑
Guys just remember to keep your dev tab and your prod tab away from each other, like way away.8 -
Sometimes I think I'm a bit masochistic... before turn off my computer I decided to check if my Visual Studio is up to date... nope, it isn't, downloading ~9 GB right now.
-
Bit rot under scientific research: using a very high-end microscope, I was able to take a picture of bit rot in action. It's microtrolls eating the bits!
2 -
the happy moment when you get turned down by agencies over the phone, when they "don't think you are what they are looking for" although you have 4 years commercial experience and are 23 years old, by an agent that fancies the term API and WordPress... fml3
-
Some people...
I’m working on a personal project on React Native to learn how to work with, basically it’s a mobile interface to interact with crypto exchanges through their APIs to centralise everything on this app.
This morning I got a personal message from twitter that asked me:
🙍♀️When will this be done?
🙎🏻♂️I will work on this during my days off next week
🙍♀️You should add a feature that let people know in which exchange a coin is cheaper
🙎🏻♂️It’s a good idea but there’s so many parameters such fees to take in account there’s no correct estimations
🙍♀️Leave out the fees
🙎🏻♂️Fees are important, people have few money to invest normally
🙍♀️What about getting posts from cryptoblogs and putting them in a feed?
🙎🏻♂️That’s exactly what Blockfolio does. I see you have a lot of ideas and I appreciate the input but what is your point here?
🙍♀️I want an app that tracks lowest prices and has a feed with my blog posts. Will you work for me? There will be no way to monetise first months.
🙎🏻♂️...
I guess I’ll never answer her. Like trying to turn MY app to HER app and then ask for free work. Bye baby!4 -
At one of my previous gigs, the IT director was just some guy that dated the bosses daughter. When she inherited the company he went from entry level data analyst to his new director position. IF he decided to show up to work at all it would be at just in time for lunch, and then he'd head out shortly after.
This guy would ask for an estimate on development and then start the timer when marketing started working on the project. This would often lead to us estimating something like 4 months on a project, and then waiting on marketing for 3 of those months, leaving us with 30 days left.1 -
My setup: AMD Phenom-2 1100T with fat cooler for silent PC, 16 GB ECC RAM, AMD Radeon HD-6850 passively cooled, WD Blue 1 TB HDD. One 22 inch monitor with 1650 x 1050.
The mouse is a bit broken because the click switch under the mouse wheel doesn't work anymore. The empty bottle in front of the PC is necessary for lying on the room light switch, or else it won't work. And the black/yellow tape is a fix for the worn out seat cover.
But the best, under the monitor, is the little green troll that serves as rubber duck.
-
"Execuse me, this specification is not clear in a whole lot of points. Can you please go over it and clarify things?"
"Nope. Just interpret it intelligently." -
Don't you just love it when you're in the middle of an agreed content freeze and a marketing drone demands an immediate content deployment to production because they made a blog post and it's "super urgent" that it goes live right now.
-
tl;dr
I am either the most responsible or the biggest idiot in the team
----------
TODAY.. oh boy.. fuck today. Like literally tuck this day and this shit. We ware doing releases for an integration we ware working on for ~1.5 months ... Aaand things went wrong - I guess we didn't make a sacrifice to the release gods - finally at around 8:30pm, being pretty much the last in the whole fucking office after a few last minute fixes I get my skinny ass on my way to grab a Corona and enjoy the public holiday tomorrow ...
Aaaaand I wish that was it, it turns out some things ware forgotten by.. well everyone aaaaand shit doesn't work (ofc ffs, why should it).. I see a slack notif and the feeling of dread gets me a couple of messages back I promise I'll be there in a couple of hours tops..and here I am ranting doing shit covering my desk with "food", hating my fucking self...
Me and the Head of Dev are literally the only ones working ATM... -
Everyday:
Colleagues: I hate when the client wants to make last minute design changes the day we are supposed to launch when they have had MONTHS to bring them up..
Today:
Me: we are supposed to launch our site today (our own agency site that we have been working on and reviewing as a group for about a year), so please take some time to go through and make sure there are no GRAMMATICAL errors.
Colleagues: *send huge lists of minor design changes that are CRITICAL* -
The feeling of the one error that you’ve been beating yourself over the head for...
And realize it was all your fault in the first place.
2 -
Fuck you Mozilla. You have killed the major unique selling point of FF, that being the add-ons, and replaced them with web extensions that will never even come close. Not enough with that, now you're killing the add-on servers to also kick FF forks into their balls. You stupid bunch of wankers have a history of pretending to know better what your users want, and your plummeting market share shows how much you suck at it.
https://blog.mozilla.org/addons/...19 -
Have you ever seen code that's so bad it crashes TWICE in the same run? I did and I don't like to talk about it some things are better buried away 🕳4
-
That feeling when you are browsing a job offer and they claim they use "pure PHP".
LOL nope. I won't maintain your custom framework created by five different freelancers over the past few years and turn into something that does scream Frankenstein.
At least state that it uses composer, symfony2 components or some other microframework. I have yet to see an application that truly requires your own framework. And even when you do, base it on silex / symfony2 components. http://symfony.com/doc/current/...2 -
thank you @dfox! love the new avatar builder!
is it possible to link those avatars/expose an api to use on other sites?5 -
Follow up on a previous rant:
I visited a customer to talk about the reporting discrepancy between two applications.
It turns out the applications were custom built by outsourced developers from Russia, that communicate with each other through a byzantine (and completely undocumented) series of web services, excel import/export tasks, and a customized SSRS environment.
These are spread across at least half a dozen servers, some on-premise and some cloud based, there are at least 3 SQL servers (2 running 2005, one running 2000), a 10 year old local install of TFS (which no one knows a username/password for), and who-knows-what-else.
They laid off their entire IT team years ago, and they have no backups.
I'm not certain anyone there even understands what the software is supposed to be doing beyond the most general terms.
No one knows if they even have source code.
Biggest case of "nope!" I've encountered in more than 20 years of IT experience.1 -
I don't care how cute you manage to make a robot / AI, if it has a deep voice i'm drop kicking that shit into the sun, fuck that creepy ass motherfucker...1
-
you know what really grinds my gears.. when agencies/companies post "PHP developer" positions and require ajax, js, jquery, angular and WordPress templates... its a back-end language ffs1
-
Worst documentation I've dealt with? The non-existent one.
"Is there any documentation for this?" "Nope." "..." -
After the servers got shut down because someone used them for illegal advertisement, after me putting in 30-35 hours a week on the side of my studies. Since it was my job to keep them running and doing DevOps work, they just slowly froze me out of the company without even firing me. I even asked them what I should be working on then. Their answer was of course: you can make us some advertising landing pages. Can you make one that looks like Facebook?
Nope, just fucking nope. -
PCs are a clusterfuck these days. Microsoft has abandoned the niceness of Win-7 and opted for Win-10 - with spyware, untested forced updates and forced online licence checks to make sure you have to get the shit. Macs are total crap, and Apple doesn't care because they instead prefer to milk customers with overpriced iShit. Linux sucks and looks like a Soviet tractor, but at least, it doesn't fuck up itself just by switching it on.
I had Linux as only OS from 2001 to 2010, and while I obviously can deal with it, I finally hated it enough to switch over to Win-7. From 2020 on, it looks like I will be back because Microsoft has managed to fuck up Windows even worse (and then these suckers wonder why Github users don't trust them). Maybe I'll buy a Tux when I install Linux so that I can punch it in the face.
Progress was yesterday - today it's about damage control. Welcome to a world where the brightest CS guys are thinking about how not only to shove up even more ads into peoples' asses, but how to also transmit lab data of the poo.7 -
When you've got shit to complete and decide to work hard but your computer thinks Nope and starts trolling you
5 -
First Happy new year, now lets get put on the dancing shoes... (I have another one coming, but this one is fresh)
As a PHP developer (yeah I am and I like it, if you gonna hate on me... go fuck yourself) I expect to not be required to reinvent the wheel when I have to use something that is not too mainstream (in my case was producing JSON and XML HAL responses). Now there are 2 (fairly active and somewhat mature), one of which does not produce XML responses, so off I went with the other one, but for fucks sake it does not produce XML that is compliant with the (draft)RFC (https://tools.ietf.org/html/...)
So as I need that, I decided to write one myself, since extending the one that provided XML would've been a waste of time, since it is NOT documented and for some reason depends on about 4 packages (also developed by the same maintainer), why the whining you ask, eh? Well fuck this shit. It took me 2(+2 classes) to achieve everything (according to standard as far as I can tell) + went with using a "hydrator" as opposed to reflection (the lib used reflection and didn't care too much for the access modified on the property of the object being serialized) so got a pretty solid performance boost, cleaner and simple code (I wrote it for a few hours and it is ugly, but hey KISS and it works perfectly)...
So with the more ranty part of this rant... Why the fuck so many people don't write independant packages for the simple parts... I don't hate it when I need a package and end up downloading half of the codebase of symfony or whatever fancy framework the dev decided to use, wasn't it the point of having 'package managers' (composer, npm, etc.. you get the deal..) instead of promote our projects and not force others to use our favorite framework that is absolutely out of scope for their projects...
Fuck you, fuck me and fuck everybody... If this continues I will continue writing my own packages from scratch, because "you" asshole are too lazy to learn and apply SOLID and common sense; even if your life depends on it you cannot write a meaningful piece of code without "the fancy framework of the month" holding your hand and allowing you to continue being a dumbass that has enough brain cells to walk straight and remember that you have to go to the toilet and not shit all over the place....
FML.... Fuck this shit and that is the main reason my gears grind the most when I head "you should use *framework name* instead" or "don't reinvent the wheel", fuck that guy I refuse to work my ways around a framework in order to get things done, my boss aint happy for that shit you know, I don't get paid to deal with your crappy code or uninformed opinion..3 -
Client email: so you know that custom thing I wanted on my website that you made and I refused to pay for? Could you just send me the code, I'm gonna write my own.
*Staring at screen in disbelief and laughing*
Even if you were an awesome client, and you had paid, I still wouldn't just "give you my code" so you can write your own. You hired me to do it because you CAN'T not because you didn't want to, not because you're lazy, but because you are not mentally capable of making your own.
Me: I'm sorry, but I'm not sure you would even know where to start with this, what was wrong with the one built?
Client: I wanna put the code in my Salesforce so it can run the API request and automatically make a lead for me.
My code takes fields from a form, runs the data over to the API, gets the response, allows for user confirmation that the information is correct, and then sends all the relevant data to Salesforce as a lead.
Me: But that's exactly what mine does, just does it from your website where users will be entering the info, and once they've confirmed it you get a Salesforce lead.
Client: well some of my leads come from other places and I want to simplify everything.
Me: no, not possible, sorry.
If you didn't have 25 different websites for one company then all your leads would come from the same place and it would be simple.2 -
Friday afternoon, the week's work is finished, and I'm ahead of schedule.
An email arrives for another project.. "URGENT yaddayadda". The dickheads where it came from have taken weeks to react, and now it's urgent. Yeah, fuck you assholes, ideally with a smoothing iron.
On the upside, I'm not addressed directly, and that project isn't my task. But boss could make it mine in no time, and I think he would.
I don't even open the email, nobody has seen it anyway yet, AND I GO HOME! :-)3 -
I love working on legacy products. You just need a good shower and possibly a therapist after.
- Sensitive data sent over the internet encrypted with DES (not even 3DES). Guess it doesn't matter that the key (singular, for the last decade) is basically 0123456789ABCDEF.
- Client databases with open default port, admin/admin superuser.
- Critical applications (potential for substantial property damage, maybe loss of life) with a single point of failure and without backup.
Suggestions, to slow down a bit with sales, so we have time to rewrite this steaming pile of crap are met with the excuse: be more pragmatist, this is standard industry practice.
Some of this shit can be fixed on my own time if my conscience nags too much, but others would require significant investment of time from multiple developers, which would slow down new business.
Guess the pay is ok, so that's something... -
How do you prove yourself?
I'm an iOS developer and I've been developing apps for a year or two now and I don't see anything hard in it I just think it's knowing how to wire things up and avoid common bugs I've also worked on a couple of complex apps and the idea is just the same.
I want to know if I really want to prove myself well (to myself) how can I do that and how can I challenge myself more to improve.
Ps: I'm by no way an expert and I know I've got a big road ahead of me but I just want advise to improve more in the right direction6 -
So another story about college and stupid team assignments that I have to be responsible for dealing with.
So we had an assignment in operating systems 1 course, it was about memory management and we are a team of 3. Then came the time when we should discuss this assignment with the TA and that day I had to stay all night finishing a project in software engineering (literally giving us a description of a big project because that's what the course teaches And I had to finish it in one all nighter alone because my teammates just gave up).
When the discussion time came I was really tired and then the TA asks me something really simple and I say it but then she tells me that I'm wrong so I wondered a bit and then said no what I said was right! She then asks my teammate (who we are supposed to be good friends) "did he say the right thing?" And his answer is a definitive "NO he's wrong" and then he starts to say the right answer which I swear I said the same but in a different way so I start to say again that I was right and say that I said that just a different way and she took that as an insult and said that I'm shouting at her and being disrespectful to her.
When we finished I asked my friend if he heard me say it wrong and he said "I'm sorry but I didn't even hear what you said and I was afraid" WHAT THE FUCK, he just said that I was wrong to please her and make her feel like she is right and I had to be the wrong one even though I said it right but NOoo her pride is more important
All this was last semester and the second semester just started today and I go into operating system 2 and guess what? The TA got her doctorate and is now the professor for OS 2 when she doesn't even understand anything.
Really FUCK the academic system it feels like it is a grind more than actually gaining mastery of a subject.2 -
Had a job advert where they legit said a requirement was following the waterfall methodology.
Nope. Nope nope nope nope.
4 -
Worst interview was when I attended interview for the position of PHP and the interviewer started grinding me with C++ questions starting with STLs. Could not answer most of them, interviewer said to get my act together and try again after 3 months. Nope not gonna happen!
-
Just to help out folks who find this week's group rant topic just as confusing as I did:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...1 -
Window not responding... should I wait for it? Nope, this isn't my first rodeo. Checking for dialog behind window FTW.2
-
have been working on a small project in the last couple of months. a few client meetings we are discussing a timeline feature for orders and assignments. the calendars (yeah a few on one screen cuz ... yeah) the client keeps complaining that they should look differently and in the same time says "Design is not important *designer-guy-he-works-with* can change it once we are done"
me - :/
side note: the calendars are tightly coupled with the js code powering them, so yeah ... looking forward to it
..1 -
!dev
Well just saw guardians of the galaxy for the first time and.... Nope, didn't enjoy it...
I shall now retreat back to my safe space of coding half assed applications...3 -
I absolutely LOVE being shot down the moment I bring up an idea just because they think it's hard. What if I want a challenge? NOPE. I patiently wait as I want to cry in bed all alone.6
-
Wrote my first story. Put my whole soul into it. Sent it off to be reviewed for publishing. Got a "nope" without even one word why or on how to make it better. My life is a failure.6
-
Client: We need to support uploading doc, docx, all image formats and PDF to convert and combine everything into a PDF.
Me: lol. No.
No way in hell am I going to try to convert docx to PDF in Java.4 -
So, today is the final day of my internship, and I was almost done, until my fucking assface of a client calls me, and suddenly want 10000000 fucking things changed in a database, and I'm not just talking "Could you add this field?" Or make this default to that, no I'm talking change of relationships, schemas and the whole shebang, oh and suddenly the product also needs localization for 3 fucking languages, but it hasn't been built for this shit. Thank God my assessment was yesterday, I just noped right out of here.
People, don't be dicks, think what you want your product to be before starting the development1 -
Back in NAM those who left the pointers without cleaning them we called them DESERTERS and made them sleep with the dogs.
-
Working from home. Most of the team is off. Client has an official half day. Most of them are off. Instead of being online at 7 am, gonna get online around 850 just before daily standup. Laying in bed, enjoying the cool sheets and the fact that there's no rush. ~0730 team lead calls, user shit himself and I need to fix it. Server issue? Nope. Data issue? Nope. Portal bug? Nope.
Client input conflicting data and can't progress with tool.2 -
I JUST typed a huge-ass happy post on LinkedIn and right after I hit the "Post" button, my feed got refreshed and there was no sign of my post getting published... Wtf 😡
NOT typing it all again. Nope.2 -
Me: okay lets test this website i made for my iot projects
Apache2: nah nope i aint loading shell stuff
Me: hm seems like a php bug, lets debug locally
Me:
Me: fucking
1 -
So my day started well.
I come in an the DVR monitor is not working, ok lets turn it off and on, nope. Lets turn the DVR on and off, nope still nothing. Played around with the VGA cable, nope. I cant replace the cable because its hard wired into the monitor....
I grab the spare screen next to me and connect it all up and it works!
Boss tells me to throw "broken" monitor out, I say I want to test it just to make sure, connect it all up to my pc and now it fucking works!
There are days I hate technology....1 -
PISSED.
Fucking Docker, for no fucking reason (no updates, no changes, etc), I tried booting it up following the morning ritual, and nope, ERR_EMPTY_RESPONSE when connecting to my current project (means I managed to connect but for some reason no data is sent). Nginx container doesn't yell about anything.
Everything around works. Accessing the container works. Even pinging my dev domain works. Why the fuck suddenly fucking Docker just **stops**?!
Restarted Hyper-V, updated laradock, recreated containers, disabled AcrylicDNS. NOPE.
"Fuck you Phlisg, I'm not in the mood today" <lunatic Docker is lunatic>
ARG. -
Working on a wordpress site prepared by designers...
First check, looks responsive, good. Do they use Bootstrap? Nope... Instead it s some "ultra fancy" plugin bought with 50 bucks... Well docs? Nope... Fu wordpress srsly6 -
Fucking windows.... Let's go back about 20 days earlier first day in February I had the genius idea of updating my windows and it did actually update except 2 of them failed..... But I was like alright then don't matter and disabled updates for Windows....... Next day I found a program called windows 10 update assistant installed and running a background download....... I was bothered by this but it's no big deal but what's FUCKING stupid is that it fails after a while downloading (I have 1.6 Mb/s download speed but it's limited to 200 GB a month which mostly stays) when it fails it doesn't stop instead when I restart my computer it starts the same program and keeps downloading in the background and then failing for 15 days.
I've tried disabling the updates but it just ignores that and enables them, also tried uninstalling the program windows 10 update assistant but it reinstalls itself!
The problem is that the only thing the website mentioned is that some versions are not supported by security updates, but they don't mention what I could do when it keeps failing.2 -
When I quit my job making multiple bullshit excuses of how tired I am and how much better my life would be if I work from home and here I am been lazy for 2 - 3 months and didn't learn anything new also didn't practice what I know.
Honestly I'm so disappointed in myself and the fact that it was a good opportunity for me makes it harder on me blaming myself.1 -
Chrome...
Chome what the hell is this?
In Firefox with my default theme I can tell which tab is open and which one isn't. In Chrome, you put !!white as a highlight over gray.
You have actually managed to design a UI element almost on the same level of terrible as IE6-11, almost.
3 -
Why is fucking Chrome still not able to auto-hyphenate on Windows desktop?! Yeah I know the dictionaries, OS integration yadda yadda, BUT:
1) TeX did this 40 years ago, this is a solved problem in CS!
2) Firefox is a 3rd party application in Windows, just like Chrome, and can auto-hyphenate!2 -
them recruiters.. they keep grinding my gears to the maximum extent..
why do you message me that you have a position. to fill asking where we can have a chat and never reach back... you initiated the conversation in first place...
I replied within the hour, good god.. -
Main branch running locally - fine
Main branch locally connected to QA dB - fine
Main branch on QA server with QA dB - NOPE
OK - build main locally, push to QA server - fine
WTF.jpg
Main build by build server, push to QA - nope
Rebuild QA vm and dB - build main, push to QA - nope
Turn on full server logging - PASS.
MAXIMUM WHAT -
Finally looked at the client who overbuilt his WordPress site that I'd gladly build him a new dedicated custom site for $150k and 12 months.
Even if he says he'll take the offer I have no intention of helping this person. Every time I say edits will be done in two days, he spends the next two days sending me emails with more edits to do on top. Today alone I received 78 emails from the client, 46 from the PM which were forwards of other edits. The entire project was handled wrong from the start and no one has the balls to tell him he needs a better solution than WordPress or what our agency can provide. We have a few hundred clients, he's lucky to get one week turn around time on anything more than copy changes. He wants form functionality changes weekly because he's always got a new idea, the current form has over 30 fields for users to fill out, all required, and he's always asking for more.4 -
Computer at work is almost as old as the first wheel and super slow... Will they let me get a new one... Nope.4
-
Why are most jobs just about web development or mobile development? (I'm not criticizing I'm a mobile developer myself)
Is it JUST purely because of the market need and people using them?
Share your opinion on this one and what other career paths in CS do you know about you think would benefit from more people in them.2 -
-Contributing more to open source projects, honestly it's awesome.
-Get a laptop to make my life easier (I can't carry around my PC)
-Take more care of my health. -
You want me to plot this formatting monstrosity in Excell... nope... I need python to fix the data sets anyway.
6 -
Another OneDrive rant? Nope, this one is more aimed at the wifi in the train. Dutch people assemble!
4 -
My First ever VSCode extension is live.
https://marketplace.visualstudio.com/...
A symbols tree view provider that supports PHP/TS/JS only (for now). Any suggestions/recommendations are welcomed !!!
Boy, does it feel good to feel like a real developer again 😎8 -
Outlook protection is shit!
Microsoft is blocking our company mail server AND even my private one for a couple of days now for no reason.
Every other mailing black list has nothing to complain but Microsoft: "You want to send a very important mail to your customer? Nope!"
And
"Yeah, now you tried to use your private server to fool me. Haha, nope! You didn't think I would block IPs randomly, did you?"
Fuck Microsoft! Fuck Outlook protection! Fuck hotmail!1 -
Learning to troubleshoot issues with vms. Had to break a vm with a script I was given and then fix it. Docs I was given said x error should be in y log. I check the log; nope. Check the other logs for other possible errors mentioned; nope. Turns out something else broke instead and before of the thing I was supposed to break. Rip me
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How does it feel attending conferences? (Good ones!)
Here in my country we don't have that many good ones they are all just some show offs talking about how they hacked their way through. But when I see videos for big conferences with thousands of people it makes me feel a bit jealous and sad that I can't attend those where you'll get real achievers (~_~)
Why did I have to be born here like this FUCK 3rd world countries.2 -
I've been dreaming about an eat() method in, I guess, Javascript. It would accept a string as parameter and set the cursor position further by the width of that string in the current font and size without displaying the string. A bit like a span with FG == BG.
But the best was the debug mode: the characters would be printed, but a yellow duck would appear from the left and eat them in Pacman style.1 -
Am I the only one who glares at random people who have a laptop when sitting in a coffee shop just for the sole reason that if they're trying to hack me they start to suspect that I'm on to them and back off?
I don't know this seems better than any antivirus I've tried so far. -
I specified a requirement where certain bits in a certain message shall be evaluated for certain items. The tester came up to me and talked some BS about how to guesstimate these bits by totally different bits. I said, look up the interface definition, the bits are there. Got an email, same BS. Tester was just too lazy to look it up. So I answered that message ID X has bits 60-63 for the four relevant items.
However, I carefully avoided telling him which bit was for which item so that he knew what it was, but I still forced him to look up the inter fucking face definition. -
Wish everyone could understand that it's not learning the programming language or the 'best practices' that makes you good it's understanding how things work together and how to mix them to create new things that do what you want is the real engineering2
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Just found out Microsoft has a "Reduce Customer Effort Center." Which failed, because the (super specific) error and it's 'fix' did nothing to help me except realize how stupid windows really is. "We couldn't create a new partition or locate an existing one. For more information, see the Setup log files." With what? Nano... Nope. Cat... Nope. Hmmmm
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Some time ago at work, I verified a system design by running the whole thing in my head, bombarding it with various fault conditions in all phases in order to check whether I had forgotten anything. I had my eyes closed, and my PC was not even switched on. Right in that moment, the boss of my department came in.
He: what are you doing?
Me, without opening the eyes: thinking.
He: don't you want to code?
Me, eyes still closed: no.
He: (leaving)1 -
!rant
The awesome feeling, when you finally tag your open source project with `1.0.0`, priceless ...3 -
Windows 10 Fall Creator Update (1709) is not supporting Samsung SSD 960 Pro M.2 right now.
Always when I try to update it, I get at the start a blue screen with Boot Device not detected. (Error 0xc00000bb)
Thought ok, let's try the update assistens - Nope
Tried to only boot on my M.2 - Nope NOPE
Tried to install upgrade it over a direct Image - Fuck you MoBo, ain't gonna work.
Googled around and everybody with a Samsung 960 Pro have this problem with the update 1709.
Who dafuq test this things at Microsoft? They are forgetting over the bit more expensive customers with a higher end Rigs.
FUCK YOU MICROSOFT AND WINDOWS TOGETHER. Im gonna bury you under water with in a fucking bolder.7 -
During the interview, I told them they can put a device to track driver behaviors and offer customized insurance plan based on the data. They laughed at the idea. Nope, not the right company I think.3
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The happiness of finishing a project that put so much stress into you, best feeling ever.
10 minutes later...
Others in office: Oh you're done. Could you help us with
Me: No
Others: It's not a lo
Me: No.
At least give me time to catch a power nap.2 -
Sometimes I feel like I'm getting good at what I do and then I have a multithreading issue and realize nope nope nope nope nope
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WHO CAN SPOT THIS STUPID PHP ERROR!
$string = "something.com"
if(strpos(".", $string))
echo " yep, there's a period";
else
echo "nope, fuck you there isn't";
output: "nope, fuck you there isn't"
me: wtf ??? fucking wasting my time on this fucking stupid tiny fucking error, goddamnit and each refresh takes 15 seconds because it involves calling all these apis from localhost, gmail, etc. arggg...
...for an hour, until I smacked my head so hard I'm in the hospital for a concussion
I hate when that happens.
Time to take a break.18 -
void sittingInBank()
{
*Sitting in the bank listening to the automated announcer for the numbers*
N u m b e r .........
.
.
.
C
.
.
.
F i v e h u n d r e d
.
.
.
A n d
.
.
.
T w e l v e++
sittingInBank ()
}
This shit goes on forever and the announcer voice is so FUCKING annoying -
fuck the overengineered bulshit that ZF2 is... fuck crappy mvc in web, fuck shitty design, tuck events, fuck 'security feature' that obfuscates the fucking redirect login/logout urls fuck not having your full link, but just the path everywhere, fuck whitelabeling, fuck somebody's sister, fuck me and fuck you....1
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The tale of mouse and clock
Once upon a time, there was a mouse that wanted to know what time it was. So it asked the first best man, but unfortunately, it didn't understand Suaheli. Anyway, the man just mumbled "gotta kick the cat in the ass".
So the mouse went on and nearly would have got it when another mouse came into play that had been sewed onto an elephant's ear for 27 years - but it had forgotten the exact time it had gotten sewed on.
So the searching mouse came up with doing something about the sun, but since it was just a dumb mouse, it looked into the sun and was blinded for a time.
Somewhat desperately, it staggered through the gutter where there was quite some garbage. Just by chance, it fell over a dumped wristwatch and broke its nose.
Moral of the story: even a blind mouse sometimes can find a broken clock.2 -
My client just asked me to copy (his words were I want it to look exactly like) the Apple and Weather Channel apps for iPhone. Ummm... nope. Not getting that lawsuit2
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Can people help me please,
Which one is better Android development (Android studio) or IOS development (Xcode)
I learned a bit of both(still a beginner) and here is what i think so far
Pros:
-Android is more wide spread and is more flexible also i have an Android device (testing)
-IOS development is really fun and intuitive and more money is paid to developers because not everyone has a mac in my country.
Con:
-Android studio is messy and java is really dull imo
-IOS requires a developer account which is really expensive in my country.
Any help is much appreciated even if it is a personal opinion10 -
There was a big hairy ball of SW mud from another project that a poor coworker had to "reuse". Only that it was impossible because there was no documentation, shit was partly auto-generated with mysterious Excel tables, and the actual code was just as bad. No APIs and nothing, just hacking shit into globals, several nested state machines that were overriding each other's states, and with global side effects. WTF.
Two devs took a look at it - minimum 8 weeks. Schedule was some days, and PM insisted that it was "already working". But the worst thing was that the dev in charge had been looking for another job anyway and quit, so the whole clusterfuck suddenly was on my desk.
The code was so awful that I could only bear it with both eyes closed, so I instead read the spec of this project closely. Turned out that it didn't actually demand this feature, only a small subset of what the ball of mud was supposed to achieve - which I was able to implement from scratch within a day, plus another one for documentation. Phew. -
:D
This one is funny for me because my current team lead and I have a really comical dynamic regarding reviews.
I can't say I've ever really had a bad experience but I brought up one stand up about how he had rejected my PR and that he was probably just going to reject the next one. So now it's this joke if I get a PR through in one review (which is usually).
One time he spiked a ping pong ball towards me in a match and I replied, "Hey whoa man, this isn't a code review calm down!". 😂 -
Weekend of our big re-platforming finally comes. I'm not invited for overtime work during this transition. Boss emails on Sunday wanting me to test some code.
What the actual fuck? HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Nope. Office could be on fire - not being paid? Not working. 🍺🍺🍺 -
I've just used https://gtmetrix.com to see how devRant fares. Pretty well actually, with one major gotcha that should be easy to fix. There are a lot of static resources without browser cache expiration date.
A little image optimisation could also be done, see the PageSpeed tab. And scaling down images in CSS could also be replaced by proper scaling of the image itself.
The YSlow tab shows that a little JS minification is missing, and maybe 4 external scripts could be combined into one.1 -
I now approach all new situations as though they were a 'black box'
Carefully choose inputs
Examine and analyze output
Iterate
Socially awkward? Nope, just charting your I/O. -
Update:
I've been trying to leave DoD for a couple of months now. Translating my 10 year's experience with complex Intelligence enterprise level systems to something relatable to the civilian IT world. Grabbed a few certs to help out A+, network+ and security+ with Linux+ as my next target. Photos of me working on unclassified systems, radios, cell towers and servers. I'm a teacher for military UAS so this shouldn't be to hard to get even a basic job in IT right.
No one will hire...
Linux admin: Nope
Network admin: Nope
Assistant Network admin: Nope
IT call service: Nope
Pool cleaner fucking nope
Many interviews and nothing
I'm broke and sold all of my personal valuables. I can't hold out much longer and really looking at becoming homeless. But I'm kinda ok with it, one last payment on my apartment and car is all I can do now. My parents think I'm in Afghanistan working a six figure job lol
DoD: we see you're trying to leave we'll pay you alot to teach A+, Network+ and Security+ traveling all across the country and staying at hotels with all expenses paid.
FU FU FU I want out please tell me someone has a job, I'll be a janitor of a server room Idc I just want out. Fuck the pay
I start Tuesday...4 -
What's your favorite esoteric language? Lolcode?
"Nope. Perl"
crowd: "ooohhhhhhhhh. Oh no you didn't"1 -
the feeling when you pick up your AOP library that you've last updated on 10/Oct/2016, has single commit "Initial commit (MVP)", absolutely no docs and you touch a couple of places for 10-15 minutes and boom you get everything working ...
Thanks former self, thank you for actually being more or less logical, thinking and did coding like a boss..
Here we go another with another pet to get refactored and revived -
Fellow developer: "Hey it's Monday our deadline is tomorrow did you get everything working on the Latino site?"
Me: "nope"
Fellow developer: "Why the hell not!?"
Me: "you never gave me access to the Wordpress account that I asked for multiple times."
Fellow developer: "oh my bad."
Me: ..... -
that moment when your internal repos are managed in composer and you have the `require` block set, but some fuckwit decided not to define their git remotes in the repositories, because 'thry are used only in applications where all required components are set'... Fuck your fucking fuck of a brain you fuck turd...
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when did you follow PHP developers last used PHP without a framework or at least used PHP itself for the most part?
a foreach and if don't count .. obviously 😁8 -
Just had a job op through described as "innovations team member at an eSynergy lab." So much nope! WTF is eSynergy?!
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So in my short time as a software developer I find myself that I sometimes get bored working (I feel like I'm doing the same thing from 9 to 5 everyday) don't get me wrong I like my job a lot but sometimes I feel like it's not satisfactory.
Do you get bored like this? And what do you do to keep it exciting for you (Don't go into money please I don't think it's the reason for happiness)2 -
first time building mobile apps, NativeScript + Angular2 haven't felt so much mixed emotions in a while3
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Got an invitation for a telecon this afternoon. Just "some quick questions"(tm).
You stupid smurf dick, write them fucking down so that I can fucking prepare useful answers and probably eliminate the whole dumb telecon at all.
I declined the telecon, problem solved. No fucking questions means no fucking telecon. I won't burn through the project budget for ventilating your dick, you can hire a hooker for that one on your own cost centre. -
Not quite sure what to rant about, but it sucks:
- Why the FUCK is Windows taking bloody TWO MINUTES to delete Android NDK?
- Why the FUCK does it take ANOTHER two braindead minutes to delete that from the waste bin?
- Why the FUCK is Android NDK so bloated to begin with?
- Why the FUCK have I still not come around to equip my 8 year old PC with an SSD?1 -
Got home after a four hour physics test, laid down in my bed and thought to myself, I'll just chill here for a bit. Haha nope! I woke up a little over 3 hours later. No coding done today... :(2
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Do you think you should apply for a job you are probably not ready for to get work experience or wait till you get experience with learning?
Notes (small company, I am a student)
Please help me with this7 -
Occasionally I'll make a commit with a message such as 'a' or 'nope' or 'fix' when a few fixes haven't worked when pushing to the test build... I always look back and hate it...
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updated docker for windows a few days back.. I have to reinstall on every reboot in order for it to work...
its either Hyper V being a dick or the docker guys screwed something with the update... fml1 -
When your redirect url passed as get parameter to 'secure' the login you pass bade64 envoded string with path, length and (salted) md5 hash ....
why God why you secure a redirect you do 302 to on success1 -
heading back to work after a month of absence (10 days sick leave, holidays and paid leave) wish me luck and grant me strength not to kill someone or myself, fellow ranters1
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That feeling when you're optimizing your code and comment a small function to compare results, then few hours later you push to production and forget everything about that function.
It aint pretty, nope I can't run away from this one!2 -
[brag] Started working on implementation of REST service using Zend Expressive. got in to HATEOAS/Richardson maturity level and HAL + `application/vnd.error`..
nailed them in a day.. feel like a boss
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!rant
I'm really excited with the 2018 World Championship, and I guess I'll leave work earlier to watch the games live.
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What do you think, who will win? Carlsen or Caruana?2 -
Have a presentation with my team finish it 15 min before a standup meeting with the same team suggest starting it right afterwards...nope we can wait 15mins...to talk to each other again...
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Got recruiter spam from a "devs only" super-hip recruiting company. As they announced in the mail, they develop themselves and know the difference between Java and Javascript. On their blog where the last post is from more than one year ago, they have hints how to pimp up one's resume. Amongst other useful things: don't use Comic Sans.
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?!6 -
Should I apply for jobs (I'm an iOS developer) while attending college? knowing that I already had like 3 months of professional experience working for a company and I could work in holidays completing the full time working hours2
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When you get a devrant update so click report to see if a prompt has been added. Nope, sorry if it was your rant I reported.5
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// doesn't work.
/* nope */
<?php /* uhhh */ ?>
Only devil decided that we have to speak PHP on nearly all our comments. -
-Make enough money to buy myself a laptop and a new phone to be able to work from my laptop and test on my phone.
-Be able to have better balance between my work, college and personal life.
-Do some useful open source projects (in swift) and put them on GitHub.
-Take care of my body and start working out.
-Work on my charity app idea and hopefully make big progress maybe even publish it. -
if using ! in front of a variable - casts it to bool, if necessary - and flips the bit, why CSS uses "!important" to mean important, when it actually means unimportant...4
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[Q] I am working on a small pet project for quite some time now, a basic job searching app (main target IT & fellow devs).
I was wondering if any of you guys have any suggestions, problems to fix that are present in platforms which you are/have been using, ideas?
What really grinds your gears when using other websites and what makes you use them?
P.S am not a recruiter, nor am I working for an agency.
*rating recruiters/companies will be there 100%*1 -
Something that I think devs have to do, is say 'hell no' to their superiors. Anyone got any war stories for this? We can use the tag 'nope' to group them all?3
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6pm Friday , opening a trouble ticket on a citrix server because an app has the wrong link ie.
The support that you answers:
Ie on your computer ? On the server ?
Nope, on the laptop of my little sister.... -
Reverse engineering with IDA, be like:
Ow that makes sense, lets jmp there, nope thats not... aaah this must be the subroutine I was lookig for, nope thats not it, repeat. -
Trying to set schedule availability on McDonalds UK 'peoplestuffuk[dot]com' fails in chrome, with annoying alert boxes.
Turns out it is developed for IE..
2
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