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Search - "nope"
Me brute forcing into the appartment (where i rent my room) modem:
*tries all most easy/logical combinations*
*tries more difficult ones*
*hmm.... no please not both just blank....... 😷*
Admin access granted.
Person: HTML is a programming language
Me: No it's not
Person: Yes it is it can compute things
Me: No it can't, and what do you mean?
Person: Have you ever heard of a script tag
Had an external hdd for backing up family photos etc. (back when I just discovered Linux and still used windows as well)
Connected it to my windows system and it said that the thing was corrupt and i had to format it.
Well fuck, a few hundred gb's of pictures, memories, backups etc etc probably lost. (keep in mind I didn't know that much about computers at that point)
Was about to format that thing with literally tears in my eyes when I thought I'd, because why the fuck not since I was out of options anyways, try it as well on my Ubuntu installation.
EVERYTHING WAS STILL ON THERE AND PERFECTLY ACCESSIBLE.
After a very much rage attack on windows I formatted the windows partition and used that as a backup space as well :).30
— Hi, lost and found office?
— Yes, can I help you?
— You found two hours of my life?
— It does not compile, right?
— Nope :/5
My dad: Hey Sébastien, I think my computer has a problem, can you look my computer ?
*walks in front of the computer*
*looks at the screen*
My dad: But, you don't fix it ?
Me: Nope, you just asked me to 'see' your computer
At the Apple Store in my devRant hoodie and got noticed by an employee..
Her: what's your username?
Me: brod 😬, what's yours?
Her: julia! Have you seen the new MacBook Pro?
Turns out, there's no @julia, now I have a $2,800 MacBook that I didn't need (nope, not the pro, just the shit one).53
Me 3 years ago watching someone use git on terminal: woaah is he a hacker???
Me now: *types git status, press enter* *repeat 3 times*
Non Programmer friend: cool! are you hacking?
Me: Nope. Just forgot what I was trying to do4
Motherfucker. It's two thousand fucking seventeen. You can get a free ssl certificate for any website.
Then WHY are there still some fucking websites which contain login portals, sensitive information or anything that SHOULD be protected in transit WITHOUT FUCKING SSL?!
I hope that the people who manage those sites and are AWARE that they can get a free cert but don't do that die in agonising pain.
This really fucking pisses me off.
On another note, EVERY site should have SSL, it's free anyways and protects your visitors from a range of threats.-24
Colleague: I really wish array index in all languages would start from 1. If I ever write a language the index will start from 1.
Job offer: "All employees will be provided Macbooks"
Nope! Just nope.
Let your dev chose their equipment, thank you very much.
If they want a Linux laptop, buy them one. If they want a Windows workstation, give it to them. And if and only if they want a Macbook, give them a Macbook.
I used to work in two companies having the requirement to use a Macbook for two years.
I know its pros. I know its cons. My conclusion for me: Never again!13
So today I found out I'm a Senior Developer. Was I told nope. Just found it on my contact details on the company address book. Ask boss about it he said yes I am. Would have been nice to have been told I was promoted...8
"We e-mailed out the wrong newsletter last night, how do we get them all returned back before anyone reads them?"
...I, uh, nope.2
"If I'm ever on life support, unplug me .......and then plug me back in, see if that works"4
USB-C (or Type C) origin story:
Manager: okay let's see your presentation
Developer: bring usb-key
* Inserts key *
* Nope *
* Flips key, tries again *
* Nope *
* Flips key, tries again *
* Nope *
Developer: ahhhhhh , NEVER AGAIN!
5 months later
"USB forum publishes new specification"11
Client comes to me after a year to publish an update to his app.
I accept, start looking for my release key.... Found it.
Fuuuuuuucccck what's the password? I can't remember
Googled what to do if forgot password of keystore: Nope can't do shit other than brute Force. You've to forget your app and publish as a new app. Nice.
I must have written it somewhere... I'm sure. Check my password manager: Nope.
Start brute forcing:
Default pass: android. Nope
Name of app? Nope
After 10 mins of brute forcing:
Why would I not store the password in my password manager? The only reason I can think is the password is too stupid to be stored.
Try "password". App signed successfully.
I'm ashamed of 1 year older me xD6
Me: ok fuck it, if the Mac mini gets refreshed I'm selling my desktop and getting one...
*Checks news and sees they got a refresh*
*Looks at cost to specs*
Me: ha... Ha... Ha... Nope...34
Senior architect-type person at work wants me to review some code he's written. Is it on GitHub/Gitlab/Bitbucket etc? Nope. "Here, I've printed it out for you. " 😂
When was the last time you printed code out? Also it's in black and white, times new roman😱💀20
devRanter : YESSSSSS!!!!!! 5 more to get a free stressball!
dfox : (nope!) You can get a free stressball if a rant you posted has got more than 750++.
devRanter : DAMN IT!14
Today was the first time I told a rude interviewer off. Feels pretty good. Fuckwad kept cutting me off with “Shut up and just answer my question”. Nope. Not taking that shit my good sir.17
I hate myself. Really.
Last week I wrote a function to handle file uploads and at some point I left this very useful comment.
Do I know what to fix? Absolutely fucking nope.
I want to punch me from last week in the face9
Phone in my cubicle goes straight to voicemail when someone calls. Boss wants me to get it fixed so clients and he can reach me.
Yeah, I'll get right on that. 👌2
A recruiter called today.
A new job proposal. Higher salary, manage some 5 men team, DevOps buzzwords, cool product, great conditions but then she says "and we're working only in Windows environment".
My ears ringed "only in windows env".. "only windows"... "windooowwssss".
"Nope, thanks, have a good day!" - hung up.18
(On a phone interview)
"So... in the entire span of your professional career, you've never had someone you could call a mentor?"
"Uh, nope, been mostly on my own."
"How did you learn new things?"
"I read a lot of Hacker News."
When an "entrepreneur" tells you about his "fantastic" ideas and expects you to be all excited and wanting to develop it for him.
A website just emailed me my forgotten password in PLAINTEXT.
I'm out of breath from running for the hills so fast.18
(I'm using Sennheiser bluetooth headphones)
Me: What device is that music coming from?
*checks desktop, nope*
*checks laptop, also nope*
*checks for phone, can't find phone*
*checks living room*
*notices phone is in hand with google play music open*
Wireless headphones are weird.
People on github opening issues saying shit like "aye, your extension crashes. Please fix or I'll uninstall. Thanks.". How am I supposed to fix an error I know nothing about? Error message? Extension list? Stack trace? Steps to reproduce? Nope. Nothing.
Don't be like this, please.5
Some people assume that since I am techy that I have a really good laptop or setup.
Just have my raspberry pi 3 as my main computer. Go Linux🔥🔥12
The story of Netscape and Internet Explorer really proves the irony of fate! And how life will come back to bite you.
Back in the 90's you had to pay for browsers like Netscape (it was called a navigator but same thing) but after Microsoft released IE for free with your windows copy in 2002 it crushed Netscape and nobody used it anymore (the graph below).
But! Netscape wouldn't give up and before the company died after it made legal accusations against Microsoft and Bill Gates and made them pay for that they did, but Netscape was too far gone and already were falling apart they decided to make a self detonation (I guess that's what they thought being in that tight corner) and they released the code as open source which would later get taken by Mozilla and be the code base for Firefox.
Now look at how much better Firefox is and how nobody uses the shitty IE!
Kind of reminds me of the scene from watchmen where Rorshack was in prison and said the best sentence in the movie "I'm not locked in here with you. You're locked in here WITH ME!"17
My girlfriend always wanted to have kids while I don't want any, when she does eventually talk about having kids I'll make her this deal "I'll give you a kid if you can close this vim window with out googling how to do it"
It's fail proof9
If a colleague went to a conference and checked their laptop with their luggage, you would think it would get stolen. Nope, it came back like this. It worked out really well for them, they got a new laptop and we all got a good laugh out of it.10
"It's nice outside, let's go somewhere?"
... I asked my girlfriend this morning.
"Nope, I'm couchbased today."
... she replied wearing a couchbase t-shirt I brought from a conference.4
Craziest deadline I've ever had...
Task: Patch 193 machines
- no configuration/patch management
- no knowledge of the machines
- no contact info/application owners
...timeframe...do it today!
Here's the winner...do we have credentials for these machines? Ha, nope.6
What’s 5 plus 2?
What’s 5 plus 3?
Nope. It’s 10, because we turned 5 into 7, remember?
When you realize the legacy PHP code you're working in has a class you're extending with over 2000 lines and you think, "Nope, this isn't a class, it's a university."2
He put just a zip in the new branch. I thought it was going to be the actual fucking project like I asked him to. Nope just a damn zip for me to extract and push to github correctly
spent 7-8 months looking for work (did a few freelance jobs in the mean time), spent what's worth of days on LinkedIn.. no reply at all, talked to recruiters got declined over the phone after 2-3 mins of call time..
Applied to a company branch in my home country nailed the 4+1(code challenge) interviews, will be leaving this Saturday morning (in 2days) now the bloody bastards start to reply and send offers for positions they have, when I clearly have to decline as I don't want to be left empty handed..
fuck you Sam, Jake and the other pricks that decided it is OK to reply after 3-4 months.. go fuck yourselves with a horse's dick you piece of crap.. After you're done, go shoot yourselves with the gun for ugly dumb animals!!! Hate you!
Kind regards, dev-nope!3
You would think for a company as big as Google they would be able to write good fucking documentation but nope!
Fuck me it's more spaghetti than my code!4
It bugs the crap out of me that GitHub.com is not fully responsive.
Everything in between?
Nope nope nope
Also, if you want to waste a huge chunk of time, try to google if you can contribute to GitHub.com. 🙄18
I recently, I switched job for an open source company in Lyon, FR.
They had struggles to find me something to do (still has, tbh), so they sent me to a client of theirs, to help for a biiiiig project that's really old (created in 2001)
And it goes on forever. I told them that I hadn't the required level of PHP knowledge to have an excuse to get the fuck out of there, my company didn't like it but it was either that or my mental health.3
Just bought a new LG TV with WebOS on board. Am I watching cool FHD movies on it? Nope since I discovered I can create apps for it. Once developer, always developer.1
I was just browsing for freelancing jobs, found a NodeJs one that didn't sound like crap.
> Plz download attached project description
Ok *download and open PDF*
>Comic sans all over the place with blue and purple font color
*Friend : Do you have something to hide?
Me : Nope.
Friend : Then why do you delete your browsing history every single time?
Me : .... Fine.20
The spaghetti monster is online.
Literally changes on the last minute.
Pushed to master, let CI/CD deal with it and left for lunch.
Bugs? Haha, sure.
Serious one? You can bet.
Do you care? Nope.5
After years or Windows, I bought a Mac.
It is a shitty OS.
Resizing windows? Nope
Uninstallign apps easy (some) ? Nope
Show/Hide files easy? Nope
Jump between chrome windows? Nope
Wtf is wrong with you Apple?34
deadmau5 exclusive on tidal streaming.
>> enters email, password
>> redirect to different signup page
>> enters email, password
>> redirect to original signup page
>> enters email, password
>> redirect to second signup page again
>> try to login
>> enters email, password
>> listen to preview of album
>> please enable flash
>> okay, fuck you, deadmau5.9
Skynet is already here! They just call it windows update.... This shit can force itself through any number of times I say DISABLE AUTO FUCKING UPDATES.5
Finally got a good working new phone. Rooted and XPosed. Anyone any tips for good XPosed modules?21
Things you hear from developers 5 minutes before demo to the whole Management Board.
- "... Does this button work... Nope... Oh well..."
- "What the hell is THAT!?"
- "Um... Is it supposed to look like this?"
- "Please tell me you didn't just merge this!?!"
-> "cs" friend wants to install "linux" on his laptop
->won't do it himself cuz cuckhole is afraid of ruining his original windows installation
->shitfuck bugging me for months and I always deny saying he needs to learn this shit too
->finally decide to help him, get a "linux" and go to the craphole he dwells in
->laptop looks high end, bezel less and what not. Also has a 120gigs ssd.
-> decide to partition it. Shit.
->ssd has less dan 40gigs left. Check and see there's ntn but a few store apps and visual studio installed+some personal data. Hmm where the fuck is the missing space.
->few mins of fkin shit around, decide to see size of windows installation
->windows+fuckYouUpdates takes > 50gigs of Precious and COSTLY ssd space
->tell my friend to reset windows, he denies and i nope the fuck outta there.(ik uninstalling updates and clearing cache and stuff might release space but not spending my whole fkin eve doing that thanks)
I don't hate windows, i love pc gaming but THIS is some shady shit microsoft fuck u and your worthless imbecile space sucking updates17
Me: *opens FB in mobile web browser*
FB: You there! Go ans get our great Facebook Lite app! It is faster and...
Me: Nope! *clicks X to dismiss*
FB: Nope! *a wild code appeared*10
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of more than two years (we have known each other for more than four). My code (and my work in general) seems to have gotten better. Maybe because he's not always at the back of my mind. No matter what anyone says, long distance WILL take a toll on you if you don't meet the other person for more than a year. Nope. Nope. Nope. I'm loving the single life now and feel so much more confident about myself!14
Co-workers: "But we have always written our scripts in Perl"
Me: "Nope not a good reason to keep using it."12
We have a developer position open in our APAC office.
Before I take phone interviews, we ask candidates to complete a preliminary code test.
I’ve just been sent an email with code attached in screenshots...
ALRIGHT! I'LL GIVE YOU SUPPORT ON MY VACATION TOO, IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE FRIENDS AND FAMILY, NOPE, ALL I CARE ABOUT IS YOUR UNSTRUCTURED PHP CODE WHICH NEEDS TO BE REFACTORED BECAUSE 2 VISITORS ON YOUR WEBSITE SUGGESTED SO!9
Customer complained that the site was not rendering as it's supposed to. After spending hours trying to fix the bug I saw that the customer had zoomed the browser which obviously broke the rendering.6
Nopes. Not worth it. I still drink to get a lil tipsy and enjoy beer and liquor.
But after you land in the hospital due to alcohol poisoning and you beg the nurse to kill you to stop the suffering you NEVER want to be drunk again.
Damn near 8 years sober and without a hangover. When I was in the hospital I vow to never be put in that position.
Nope nope nope nope and more nope.
Being high af feels fucked up as well. Don't know why people would subject themselves to all this bullshit.19
I was thinking about using Drupal for project, just to try out a CMS. Before using it, I decided to search devRant for "drupal" to see how bad it is.
Nope, I am just going to use plain old VueJS with flexbox.9
Being able to drink coffee (nope no decaf) including espresso's without my heart complaining. Idk that taste always gives me a boost!15
Halloween is coming so i made this constructed unicorn mask with a paper mache base with elwire. Does it require any coding skills nope, but i bet people are goin to be suprised that i know how to build wireframes and papermache !7
> devRant offers to let me share my rants on Facebook.
> Majority of my colleagues and boss in my friends list.
My roommate: why do you look so mad.
Me: stupid program is broke
My roommate: didn't you fix it yesterday?
Me: yes. I broke some thing else
Roommate: oh on a different project?
Me: nope same one.
Roommate: [walks away more confused than when the conversation started]1
Was anyone forced to learn an obscure programming language during college? If so what was it and have you used it since?
Mine was ADA95 and nope lol28
Clients wants a complete reworked of their e-commerce website - sure will cost X amount.
It needs to be done before black Friday - nope6
I think that's the thread dump of my brain currently.
Anyone knows what date and time we have?
I'm so lost right now.
17 projects atm thanks to e.g. Microsofts Exchange Hell.
I. Hate. Everything.
Go spread your butt cheeks so I can give you two fists of love before you write a damn ticket regarding yet another (security-) problem in infrastructure.10
When dev who insists on using their own vbox rather the officially maintained vagrant package asks you to debug a non-code issue...2
My mother lives and works overseas, and she'd complain about her IT department all the time.
Wish I could get work permit to work there, but I'd have to serve in 'their' military for 2 years...
Yeah, totally makes sense. Nope.5
I just want to say that I don't look anything like my avatar. Maybe I looked a bit like that 50 years ago, but now ... nope. So, how about a wrinkly avatar option?10
There are two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.
This is really the stuff I have to deal on daily basis.
Manager in December: Things will pick up soon!
January: I know things are slow, but they’ll pick up!
February: Just give it a couple months!
March: Things are about to pick up, trust me!
All the while I have been twiddling my fucking thumbs with probably half a day’s work to do, either working on my own studies/projects or just wasting time.
And the reason? Because Manager hasn’t been able to decide the budget for the project, so we haven’t been allowed to begin.
We are asked to waste time rather than use it effectively because of a spreadsheet that Manager has been putting off for four months.
Dissatisfaction is the understatement of the year. Some say I complain about a good thing, meaning less work, same pay, but that’s not why I applied to this company.2
"I don't care if this is much simpler in a native language! This is going to be written in Java" *even though it's only going to run on a single Windows machine*
As long as a .jar comes out I'm fine...2
At work the other day...
Guy: "Oh hey I was thinking if you could help me with an application to visualize some data."
Me: "Ooookay...what did you have in mind?"
Guy: "I think we have XML files that could be turned into graphs...oh and we could add some trend lines. (Getting more excited) And maybe we could supplement it with live data...oh hey and maybe we could add real time alerts via email..."
Me: *thinks to self...there is no way in hell I am starting to work on something that he is literally coming up with requirements as he's talking* "I need specifics...so go take some time, think it through and get back to me with concrete details and examples."
Guy: "Ok. That should be enough to get you started for now at least."
That would be a big fuck no, good sir. Haven't started and won't start it. He has never mentioned it to me again since then.4
Have any JabbaScripters ever heard of backwards compatibility?
Nope. Because all the shit on NPM is written by 15-year olds who don't know how to code properly, not to say maintain their packages.
Thank you @dfox and @trogus for the awesome service you've built! And thank you for making my life less stressful! :)2
Boss : Did you finish the service app?
Me: Nope, sir you told us to complete the immediate relief website.
Boss: Ok. Did u complete that?
Me: Nope, when it was half you told us to complete the clients web app?
Boss: Oh god. So is that over?
Me: Unfortunately, no sir a month more and we can present the project estimation report if we are free😁😉2
Windows: "LOL, NOPE!"
The irony in this rant is that I just installed Linux in a dualboot environment and was eager to start setting up the new OS. For some reason, Grub was not recognized and Windows started automatically... 😥4
Going through the list of projects:
Absolutely nope ...
Burn it Nope.
Don't touch this.
It's so fluffy, I will die.
Wow. If this was a fungus, it could talk by now.
What the hell was that...?
Uh. Ehm. So old it's already done. Oopsie.
2 hours later...
Well. Backlog is sorted.
Conclusion: I just don't work anymore.
I think it's time to add a field "pain level" to Jira.
And I doubt that the backlog contains any ticket less than pain level 8 / 10. -.-
But yey. I ordered beer.2
The hype of "we will have autonomous cars by 2025" reminds me the 2017 hype of "we will have autonomous cars by 2021". I guess if you try this PR trick enough times, eventually you will get it right.11
If you ever get a problem with your Linux,
DO NOT EVER try out an answer on any random forum without reading all the comments/replies.
The problem spreads like a freaking wildfire and you will end up reinstalling Linux and losing data what wasn't backed up. (If by God's grace, you do a regular back up)2
I want to know what brings you Joy while programming/coding?
I've been trying to catch that certain feeling...
For me it's having everything make sense and a logical flow through the code and it works every if it is adding two vars.
And please definitely not the money if you're coding for money then you're not enjoying it.13
A coworker asked me to give him a hand on a project last thursday at around 8:00pm, by Friday noon I had most of it complete. Then turn the code back to him. Then somehow , it got placed on me during the weekend....20 mins before leaving to San antonio to be with my sister while my niece was born. Yeah...no..sorry...guess who enjoyed SA this weekend? This guy. Past experiences have shown me that one should not sacrifice personal time for company bs. Specially here in south texas where the majority of employers are from Mexico. In Mexico, there is no worker appreciation culture, going above and beyond the line of duty to accomplish tasks is not met with any sort of consideration. So nope nope nope nope.18
Really hate being the only programmer around my town and it's other nearby towns...
Really wish I could just meet up with a dev friend for a pint or 12 and just talk programming shit to each other but nope .-.
(Calling all aussie devs in the latrobe valley)6
Eclipse: Hey, I found a nice little update for you
Me: ok, install it
Eclipse: nope, I can't find it ...
AAAAAAAHHHH I'm gonna kill you !!!!!4
Nope, in my place it is...
Thank me later when you get a job here, probably shouldn't8
Recruiter: I have an open position for lead DevSecOps role.
Me: Tell me more
Recruiter: It’s an AI company , where the AI is making clinical medical decisions. It’s really cool. They need somebody to help them pass government audits and you’d be solely responsible for the systems security, AWS accounts, and also all of DevOps, which they’ve never heard of before but I told them they needed and they though it was cool.
Also, they use AWS but not sure what services inside AWS, they think it’s AWS storage and AWS servers or something like that .
Me: That’s a big hell no. 👎 Got any other positions though ?9
"What's your degree in?"
"So, you do coal stations and stuff?"
Nope. I look for powergrids to optimise with the help of Neural Networks.3
Okay karma, why?!
I made some backup scripts, it should dump our MongoDB every 30 Minutes... Nope I didn't test if there's something in the tar and yes it's my fault but now we needed this backup AND THE ONLY BACKUP SCRIPT WHICH DIDN'T WORK WAS THE ONE WHICH BACKUPS THE DATABASE...
I'm working with some too smart junior. He rarely listens, does his own magic.
In his last MR, he did an ugly fix, 100 lines big. I told him exactly, what to check first, but nope, he's likes being a magician.
Now, I took 5 min and fixed it with single line of code.3
So I wrote a few functions that draw this graph and sent the graph to my math teacher as a joke. And he asked me "Is this that "see" program ?" I didn't know how to react, so I just said Nope, It's not😶..
Too many night shifts.
But it's done.
After the last migrations my emotional state is... Questionable.
VM migrations between different CPU vendors and generations leading to segfaults because of unsupported X86 extensions.... Thx for doing that at 23 o'clock after 8 hours of work....
Forgetting a left over NIC in a virtual machine, creating a routing loop, leading to very erratic behaviour and fun things.
Someone forgot to check the '"Unique" box, mass spawning a cluster of VMs with same MAC adresses....
DNS fuckery since someone thought that reboot would flush the cache of an DNS server.... Nope most DNS servers have persistent caches. You'll have to flush manually.
And let's not forget the joy of the 12 plus pages of when and where to move VMs, harddrives and VLAN configuration.
Oh migrations are such a festival of joy.
Finally done with that shit -.-4
Me: What filters would you like on this report?
VP: Here's the logic for the filter I want.
Me: Great! Anything else?
... Days of DB, ETL, and Report refactoring later ...
Me: Here's the updated report!
VP: Can we add this other filter?
Me: (You're welcome...)
You thought real fear is deploying to production friday afternoon?
Real fear is forgetting to flock(); a public toilet door while doing a dump();1
X : Do you accept space for username at sign up?
Me : Nope, no space. Username shouldn't have space.
X : Lots of people have trouble at registration because of that.
*installing linux on my mini laptop*
- Dad: "you should make a backup image of windows 10"
- Me: "LOL NOPE!"
(With 2gb of ram, linux makes it the perfect lightweight coding machine. But with W10? Jesus christ)6
Me: *Trying to get the mobile banking app*
App: Nope, you have a rooted device
Me: *disables root access for apps and adb*
App: Nope, you have a rooted device
Me: *Maybe a xposed module would help*
Xposed: Nope, you have android nougat
Me: *Maybe there's some LineageOS marshmallow rom for my phone*
LineageOS: Nope, just android 7.1
Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb couldn't get their shit together for 3 months, but their bit is in order now. Will you work the weekend for free to make up the the schedule?
"Ability to work under pressure and work with cross functional teams to meet tight deadlines."
Fuck the managers of whatever shithole you want to drag me to. Nope.1
The feeling when everything works so smooth, but one little bug appears and you're like:
*covers the error log*
I don't see you, you little misery of mine... ^^
So we had a class that should have 2 states 0 or 1, you think my coworker would be smart enough to represent it with a Boolean? NO!
Represent the state inside the object as an int then when using the object in a function creates a Boolean that determines the state of the object and after the function done it's job THEN call another function that takes the object and the Boolean and change the int state inside the object depending on the Boolean.
Wouldn't it have been whole lot easier to just you know..... Make the state a Boolean from the start.
When I saw this I knew I was witnessing a miracle of the human mind. God bless!
Ps: it wasn't connected to any kind of API nor server and there are never more than 2 states. It's just some local sequential code so don't assume it had a logical reason it's just a fuck up.5
You think jQuery would finally have died after the IE era? Or that it would only be used to still pander to IE users?
Well... nope: https://w3techs.com/technologies/... says jQuery 3 has overtaken jQuery 1, which was the only version to even polyfill IE.
WTF is wrong with web devs, just WHY?! jQuery's use cases are shit that would be simpler and with less code without jQuery, shit that should be done in CSS instead, or shit that doesn't belong on websites to begin with.42
Most awkward video conference call?
Our department is in a 'virtual' book club, reading The Unicorn Project, and I asked..
Me: "So what similarities have you seen with the Phoenix project and projects we work on here?"
Dale: "Ha ha..sooo many. The biggest is the disconnect of managers with no clue of what goes on."
<Vice president of our department also in the book club>
VP: "Really? Dale, I'd like to know more about this."
<awkward silence with blank stares all around>
DBA: "Come on Dale...spill the beans. Got the VP right there."
Dale: "Um...nope...not going there...nope"
<Dale's screen goes black>
VP: "OK, so when Maxine asks ..."
Worst documentation I've dealt with? The non-existent one.
"Is there any documentation for this?" "Nope." "..."
"Execuse me, this specification is not clear in a whole lot of points. Can you please go over it and clarify things?"
"Nope. Just interpret it intelligently."
Ad blocker blocker...
Random news website: "Please disable ad blocker" or pay us $10 a month
Me: nope... chrome dev tools... delete tpmodal crap... overflow? nope. $0 a month
reading someone else's newspaper they left behind... priceless5
When your new build is compiling and just scooting right along so you think... sure, I could go for some food. No. Nope. Not even. It chooses the exact moment you leave to nope the fuck out completely with the most random compiler errors that you would have never seen had you just been sitting there in the chair. It's like it knows. Maybe next time I leave I'll promise to bring it back a taco.1
So I was changing some CSS, but the changes weren't showing.
Was it being cached? Nope
Was the selector wrong? Nope
Well it was the right file yeah? Yup
So after like 10min of scratching my head, restarting the server, etc it turns out I was checking prod instead of dev.
This isn't even the first time this has happened 😑
Guys just remember to keep your dev tab and your prod tab away from each other, like way away.8
How to make BILLIONS with a coding blog:
1. make a post with a controvertial title like "IS TDD DEAD?"
2. write an article concluding that the controvertial statement is, in fact, wrong, like "Nope"
3. Drown in monies from ads3
Google, circa 2013: We made smart glasses!
Most people: They're dorky. I won't use them.
Google: We integrated our services! Voice- & gesture-driven!
Most people: Nope. Too dorky.
Apple, circa 2020: We might be working on smart glasses.
Most people, sight unseen: Take my $$$.12
I'm always asked in an interview:
Q:How did you get into programming
Q:How do you keep upto date and what blogs do you like
A: HACKING Blogs and just general multiple websites.
Q: Have you ever spent time in prison or been convicted?
A: -_- Nope3
This, fucking, designer. He has no fucking clue what he's doing. Every minor fucking thing has to be a new fucking screen.
Toast notification? Snackbar? At least dialog? NOPE, WE NEED A NEW SCREEN.
Lead fucking designer my ass. Wasting everyone's time flapping your dick around.2
Co-worker is in his office.
Co-worker whistles continuously "The rains of Castamere" from the Game of Thrones series.
I like Game of Thrones.
I also like the series' score.
But not the way my co-worker interprets it.
Because it's wrong.
Anyway, he whistles.
Sometimes louder, sometimes less so.
It's very out of tune.
I can't concentrate, let alone code.
Co-worker goes to a meeting.
I delete the bullshit I've written earlier.
Then, I get some coding done.
Then, I'm relaxed again.
Then, Co-worker returns.
Now he hums.
It's the same song.
Over and over again.
It's not that much out of tune, but it's still annoying.
I can't think, I can't concentrate, let alone code.
My thoughts drift to a certain Red Wedding.
I imagine it in vivid detail.
Strangely, it's a happy place right now.
I imagine throwing my screen through two fucking walls.
I don't do it, because the laws of physics are against me.
But the thought is enough.
I'm at peace, again.
... also, I got to leave early today, so I got that going for me which is nice.
(I already had to tell that co-worker *not* to whistle loudly in the cafeteria - you can hear it in a big part of the building. We had some important customers over and Office Management was not amused.)6
So I just spent over two hours trying to get...5 elements to align nice and even. Sometimes I would think I had it then..nope. Everything is thrown way off.
The one thing I've learned so far is to throw everything into more divs if something isn't working, and maybe that'll work7
Sometimes I think I'm a bit masochistic... before turn off my computer I decided to check if my Visual Studio is up to date... nope, it isn't, downloading ~9 GB right now.
Boss: We should port our internal finite element analysis software to an app. We could use phonegap!
Me: Sure... We'll look into that.
My mind: Nope. No. Never. Dear God. Why. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts...2
So I just spent probably 40 minutes wondering why rEFInd wouldn't fucking boot. Config? Nope. Boot partition being stupid? Nope.
Turned out I forgot to copy the fucking ext4 driver over to the ESP.
I'm fucking tired guys.2
Don't you just love it when you're in the middle of an agreed content freeze and a marketing drone demands an immediate content deployment to production because they made a blog post and it's "super urgent" that it goes live right now.
At one of my previous gigs, the IT director was just some guy that dated the bosses daughter. When she inherited the company he went from entry level data analyst to his new director position. IF he decided to show up to work at all it would be at just in time for lunch, and then he'd head out shortly after.
This guy would ask for an estimate on development and then start the timer when marketing started working on the project. This would often lead to us estimating something like 4 months on a project, and then waiting on marketing for 3 of those months, leaving us with 30 days left.1
Follow up on a previous rant:
I visited a customer to talk about the reporting discrepancy between two applications.
It turns out the applications were custom built by outsourced developers from Russia, that communicate with each other through a byzantine (and completely undocumented) series of web services, excel import/export tasks, and a customized SSRS environment.
These are spread across at least half a dozen servers, some on-premise and some cloud based, there are at least 3 SQL servers (2 running 2005, one running 2000), a 10 year old local install of TFS (which no one knows a username/password for), and who-knows-what-else.
They laid off their entire IT team years ago, and they have no backups.
I'm not certain anyone there even understands what the software is supposed to be doing beyond the most general terms.
No one knows if they even have source code.
Biggest case of "nope!" I've encountered in more than 20 years of IT experience.1
Me: *tries to deactivate windows 10 feedback*
Windows: nope *turns it back on*
Me: *Feels sorry for shitty quality*2
"Web" Teacher wanted us to learn horribly outdated html in the middle of web2.0 wave.
HTML5 ? CSS3 ? nope.
No CSS at all, and longest part of the class was on the importance of prehistoric HTML doctypes.
Capitalized tags, tables, BGCOLOR attributes...
Like she scrapped everything on W3schools...1
qa: so yesterday we found some bug, not really related to you but <boss> told me to put it on you
me: yeah, when he doesn't, this dick didn't work since I came
*later this day at ~15:00*
boss: so I'm going home, you **must** deal with this bug today, your algo doesn't work.
me: it did 2 days ago didn't it? did you even check the bug?
me: did you check for regression or just said to put it on me?
me: did you check the changes of the new guy?
me : so why the fuck blame my code?!
*17:10 I'm going home no regression, new guys code deadlocks, not a single fuck thrown*
me: I want to look into using an MVC for my websites...
brain: Nope, not gonna happen, we're gonna stick to the simple inclusion of site pieces directly in the front-end code instead.
me: but but but
brain: I SAID NO!2
This week I’ve been reinstating IE11 support.
OMFG WHY!? I hear you ask.
Is it due to critical legacy integration dependencies? AD Intranet logins? Draconian Group Policy rules?
Nope. This ONE user just prefers it! 🤯
How much are we getting paid for this nonsense? Sweet FA!
Colleagues: I hate when the client wants to make last minute design changes the day we are supposed to launch when they have had MONTHS to bring them up..
Me: we are supposed to launch our site today (our own agency site that we have been working on and reviewing as a group for about a year), so please take some time to go through and make sure there are no GRAMMATICAL errors.
Colleagues: *send huge lists of minor design changes that are CRITICAL*
Korea still uses ActiveX for payments so will take another decade.
Good try though 🤣🤣
(And you should probably know ActiveX only works in IE, rip Apple users)4
when you designed UI for last 2 weeks, then show it to your boss and he's like "nope, I changed my mind"... fml6
Rant rant rant!
Le me subscribe to website to buy something.
Le register, email arrives immediately.
*please not my password as clear text, please not my password as clear text *
Dear customer your password is: ***
You dense motherfucker, you special bread of idiotic asshole its frigging 2017 and you send your customer password in an email!???
They frigging even have a nice banner in their website stating that they protect their customer with 128bit cryptography (sigh)
Protect me from your brain the size of a dried pea.
Le me calm down, search for a way to delete his profile. Nope no way.
Search for another shop that sells the good, nope.
Try to change my info: nope you can only change your gender...
Get mad, modify the html and send a tampered form: it submits... And fail because of a calculation on my fiscal code.
I wanna die, raise as a zombie find the developers of that website kill them and then discard their heads because not even an hungry zombie would use that brains for something.1
Fucking fuck shit monkeycocksucking gargling wtf!
I was getting some stuff done in my accounting software and it bugged me that the fields were dark and the fonts as well, thus seeing fucking shit. This was clearly a bad choice of a gtk3 dark theme, thus i switched to the fucking default adwaita, suddenly gnome session crashes.
Ok, i just log out and log back in.
Logout.... Nothing happens.... Ctrl-alt-backspace , nothing happens (and i knew i enabled that in the settings)
Ok let's do it a bit more forceful and restart the display manager... Gdm starts... I insert my credentials... It fucking crashes.
I desperately try to debug it, xsession error msg'es? Nope. Something in /var/log/messages? Nope. Something, anything at all, nope sherlock nopedinope!
About to go batshit crazy, purging and reinstalling all of gnome, thibking that, what ever setting lust have broke it, it will be fixed now.
No fucking fuck desktop!!!
I lost my nerve and replaced gdm with lightdm, and i finally, after three hours wasted on my machine, i get my gnome desktop back... But in a state of mess! Extensions don't work and make it crash again, user themes? Nope, go fuck yourself with plain default.
I'm really losing my shit, business is almost non-existant, and now ly FUCKING desktop refuses to work like i want to. Everything is fucking broken to shits !!
I'm gon a go to my gf, and relax a little, at least i still have a working laptop.
Question is, for how long???
That feeling when you are browsing a job offer and they claim they use "pure PHP".
LOL nope. I won't maintain your custom framework created by five different freelancers over the past few years and turn into something that does scream Frankenstein.
At least state that it uses composer, symfony2 components or some other microframework. I have yet to see an application that truly requires your own framework. And even when you do, base it on silex / symfony2 components. http://symfony.com/doc/current/...1
Our teacher is forcing us to code in an outdated version of a really bad IDE to write basic C, we can't use anything else!
The IDE is bad and crashes often, and I can't even do anything about it!
I suggested various IDE such as visual studios but nope!10
When I got changed between 3 projects in one month. Everytime I thought I got it figured out... NOPE. New project, new stuff to learn, comprehend and implement.
Very shitty period.1
Roof is leaking... Due to rainy stormy weather here, I have now 3 buckets in my flat for catching the water.
Next thing that broke was the faucet in the kitchen... Whoever installed the kitchen (inherited from previous tenant) was a fricking fuck nugget. Not only are most important parts like the stove unbalanced (cooking is very fun...) - but most things were wrongly installed.
The rubber band under the faucet was a few mm larger than the faucet itself... Stretched out as someone really tightened the screws... Too tight. Friction tore the rubber band on one side. Note that the faucet is one of the large, pompous ones which weigh a fuckton. So the fucking faucet now - as the rubber band tore - turned into a sprinkler as the faucet moves due to water pressure.
Ok. Faucet out, new faucet in. Shouldn't be that hard.
Turns out they didn't use a milling head... The hole is a cone, top larger - then getting smaller.
Ok. No problem.
Let's do some drill action.
Uhm. Why is the place to the window wet... Oh. Great. Another leak.
*some mopping action*
Back to the kitchen. Realizing I didn't fully close the valve for water -.
Kitchen cabinet, next mopping action.
Water with saw dust is pretty ugly combination -.-
Aka: My relaxing Saturday became a full blown """Fuck you with an anchor""" day instead. Thanks universe. Love you hon. Please, next time put at least some lube on the anchor, entry is quite painful.13
After the servers got shut down because someone used them for illegal advertisement, after me putting in 30-35 hours a week on the side of my studies. Since it was my job to keep them running and doing DevOps work, they just slowly froze me out of the company without even firing me. I even asked them what I should be working on then. Their answer was of course: you can make us some advertising landing pages. Can you make one that looks like Facebook?
Nope, just fucking nope.
I love working on legacy products. You just need a good shower and possibly a therapist after.
- Sensitive data sent over the internet encrypted with DES (not even 3DES). Guess it doesn't matter that the key (singular, for the last decade) is basically 0123456789ABCDEF.
- Client databases with open default port, admin/admin superuser.
- Critical applications (potential for substantial property damage, maybe loss of life) with a single point of failure and without backup.
Suggestions, to slow down a bit with sales, so we have time to rewrite this steaming pile of crap are met with the excuse: be more pragmatist, this is standard industry practice.
Some of this shit can be fixed on my own time if my conscience nags too much, but others would require significant investment of time from multiple developers, which would slow down new business.
Guess the pay is ok, so that's something...
Window not responding... should I wait for it? Nope, this isn't my first rodeo. Checking for dialog behind window FTW.2
Oh man, I found the names for the different number bases past 36! I should expand my base converter!
That doesn’t... look right...
Ah, because these ones require the use of encoding algorithms.
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE
I'm writing c# code, does not work, wrote the same code in python just to see if I'm thinking the wrong way, nope, it worked in python then fixed the c# code...
I might be a c# racist or I don't know.2
New temp PM: Right I now want you in 9am every day and I want daily stand up meetings with a daily email at the end of the night. Also, we are abandoning the PM tool we use for one I like.
One of those mysterious bugs that only happens on production. Want to solve it on your laptop, it's not reproducible. Staging server? Nope. Production?
HOW DARE YOU TOUCH THE LIVE SYSTEM?!?1
Thursday afternoon. Client gives us the go to deploy the latest release to production.
Friday late afternoon; my colleague - "wait, did we ever deploy"? Me - "uh, nope".
"Alright have a good weekend"
Am I the only one who doesn't like NoSQL? I really like relational databases.
If I cannot see the light then convince me to like NoSQL. But I think I will be forced to learn it because some companies use NoSQL. Also tech stacks like MERN, MEAN, etc.38
Worst interview was when I attended interview for the position of PHP and the interviewer started grinding me with C++ questions starting with STLs. Could not answer most of them, interviewer said to get my act together and try again after 3 months. Nope not gonna happen!
I don't care how cute you manage to make a robot / AI, if it has a deep voice i'm drop kicking that shit into the sun, fuck that creepy ass motherfucker...
So, today is the final day of my internship, and I was almost done, until my fucking assface of a client calls me, and suddenly want 10000000 fucking things changed in a database, and I'm not just talking "Could you add this field?" Or make this default to that, no I'm talking change of relationships, schemas and the whole shebang, oh and suddenly the product also needs localization for 3 fucking languages, but it hasn't been built for this shit. Thank God my assessment was yesterday, I just noped right out of here.
People, don't be dicks, think what you want your product to be before starting the development1
I JUST typed a huge-ass happy post on LinkedIn and right after I hit the "Post" button, my feed got refreshed and there was no sign of my post getting published... Wtf 😡
NOT typing it all again. Nope.2
When you've got shit to complete and decide to work hard but your computer thinks Nope and starts trolling you5
Well just saw guardians of the galaxy for the first time and.... Nope, didn't enjoy it...
I shall now retreat back to my safe space of coding half assed applications...3
Salesforce lightning web components have such bullshit limitations that they claim is because of security but it's just because it's overengineered garbage.
Want to use web components? Nope.
Want to pass in a value to a function in a click listener expression? Nope.
Want to use scss? Nope, compile it to css yourself.
Want to use the fucking document object? Guess what it's overridden except for very specific third party frameworks.
Who in the fuck thought it was a good idea to override the document object? Your app isn't more secure, literally the entire internet uses the document object and it still becomes available in runtime anyway so what the fuck??
LWC is the biggest garbage I've ever seen, you know a framework's a big red flag when there are developers solely for the framework.
There is a new security release coming out that apparently removes some of these nuances (understatement) so there might be some light at the end of the tunnel.4
Fucking Nvidia updates continuously breaking shit... I wish I could play normally but NOPE! Let's make my high end PC freeze midgame!1
Client: We need to support uploading doc, docx, all image formats and PDF to convert and combine everything into a PDF.
Me: lol. No.
No way in hell am I going to try to convert docx to PDF in Java.4
Client email: so you know that custom thing I wanted on my website that you made and I refused to pay for? Could you just send me the code, I'm gonna write my own.
*Staring at screen in disbelief and laughing*
Even if you were an awesome client, and you had paid, I still wouldn't just "give you my code" so you can write your own. You hired me to do it because you CAN'T not because you didn't want to, not because you're lazy, but because you are not mentally capable of making your own.
Me: I'm sorry, but I'm not sure you would even know where to start with this, what was wrong with the one built?
Client: I wanna put the code in my Salesforce so it can run the API request and automatically make a lead for me.
My code takes fields from a form, runs the data over to the API, gets the response, allows for user confirmation that the information is correct, and then sends all the relevant data to Salesforce as a lead.
Me: But that's exactly what mine does, just does it from your website where users will be entering the info, and once they've confirmed it you get a Salesforce lead.
Client: well some of my leads come from other places and I want to simplify everything.
Me: no, not possible, sorry.
If you didn't have 25 different websites for one company then all your leads would come from the same place and it would be simple.2
So my day started well.
I come in an the DVR monitor is not working, ok lets turn it off and on, nope. Lets turn the DVR on and off, nope still nothing. Played around with the VGA cable, nope. I cant replace the cable because its hard wired into the monitor....
I grab the spare screen next to me and connect it all up and it works!
Boss tells me to throw "broken" monitor out, I say I want to test it just to make sure, connect it all up to my pc and now it fucking works!
There are days I hate technology....1
"I hope you appreciate my professional persistence"
Nope, I don't - it's called spamming me
If I was interested in your product then I'd have responded to you weeks ago when you first started emailing me1
Just spent 20 minutes figuring out why my .filter() wasn't working. I thought I was going crazy or the universe had shifted around me.
Nope, I was just using class as the variable name.
How's your Monday going?5
Freenas update from 11.1 to 11.2 beta 2
They added experimental smb direct / multichannel support, yay.
Me tries to connect to the smb share:
->Connection timed out 🤔
->Connection refused 😐
Google foo ....
->Nope, no connection 😔
"Failed to retrieve list of shares from server"
Reinstalls freenas to be sure it's not some janky install.
Google some more
*Like a year later*
Look into /etc/samba/smb.conf
Client max protocol = NTLM1
Who thought that to be a good Idea!?
It's the default Manjaro smb conf from the official repository by the way.
Didn't even know there was a setting for max client protocol.
Thought it was a server only config.
Nope, some motherfucker trolled me long and hard this time. 😩
But back to getting smb direct working on my setup.
Thunar gvfs is like it's own completely separate thing.
Smb status, and all the other commands don't see any open connections anywhere.
Gvfs still connects fine to the share even though the smb.conf is deleted and everything else is complaining that there is no config.
On the one hand, it uses samba, on the other it's not actually.
Where the heck can I see the connection properties and wether rdma works or not?
Mother trucking, fracking, leg breaking piece of a dance type.1
Main branch running locally - fine
Main branch locally connected to QA dB - fine
Main branch on QA server with QA dB - NOPE
OK - build main locally, push to QA server - fine
Main build by build server, push to QA - nope
Rebuild QA vm and dB - build main, push to QA - nope
Turn on full server logging - PASS.
Working from home. Most of the team is off. Client has an official half day. Most of them are off. Instead of being online at 7 am, gonna get online around 850 just before daily standup. Laying in bed, enjoying the cool sheets and the fact that there's no rush. ~0730 team lead calls, user shit himself and I need to fix it. Server issue? Nope. Data issue? Nope. Portal bug? Nope.
Client input conflicting data and can't progress with tool.2
Nope, I haven't built a startup. I lack:
Basically all of what's required.5
Computer at work is almost as old as the first wheel and super slow... Will they let me get a new one... Nope.4
I was expecting that my insomnia would be less annoying since I don't have to go out anymore for anything but food shopping.
Nope. This little bitch is still very annoying.
I swear if I get a headache tomorrow while staring at computer screen during work hours, I'm gonna shoot myself. (figuratively, not really)3
I absolutely LOVE being shot down the moment I bring up an idea just because they think it's hard. What if I want a challenge? NOPE. I patiently wait as I want to cry in bed all alone.5
Wrote my first story. Put my whole soul into it. Sent it off to be reviewed for publishing. Got a "nope" without even one word why or on how to make it better. My life is a failure.5
Connecting my Pi to the interwebs through my computer should be easy, right?
Two hours of fiddling with badly-documented config files after I started, I can SSH in but not access the internet on the Pi. None of the guides seem to want to actually work...5
Here's a fucking challenge:
Generate an MD5 hash in React Native!
crypto - NOPE deprecated, react native throws when you try to import it anyway
react-native-crypto - NOPE, needs to make use of a shim that recursively edits node_modules... hmmmm yeah you think thats a good thing to have?
react-native-fast-crypto - NOPE, no TypeScript types, no documentation in general, only supports sha512?! WTF
garbage fucking idiot tooling stupid dumbass stupid splat splat barf splat22
Trying to work out an encoding bug after upload, I ask them to send me the original version of the file that is currently uploaded. I look at the files and they seem strangely similar, but strangely different.
I reply to them, "To confirm, this is the version you uploaded?"
I told PM that a feature is only ready on Thursday. He goes and tells Tuesday to the business owner. Comes to me and says make it happen. Nope, sorry. Not going to happen.
Non-tech people should not make commitments. I long for the day their jobs become obsolete.
Trying to mock Azure storage was like a toxic relationship it gives a little bit of progress and hope to keep you around and goes back to the beginning and gets nowhere! Nope not doing it!
And I owe it to these words:
A great warrior knows when to quit!3
Finally looked at the client who overbuilt his WordPress site that I'd gladly build him a new dedicated custom site for $150k and 12 months.
Even if he says he'll take the offer I have no intention of helping this person. Every time I say edits will be done in two days, he spends the next two days sending me emails with more edits to do on top. Today alone I received 78 emails from the client, 46 from the PM which were forwards of other edits. The entire project was handled wrong from the start and no one has the balls to tell him he needs a better solution than WordPress or what our agency can provide. We have a few hundred clients, he's lucky to get one week turn around time on anything more than copy changes. He wants form functionality changes weekly because he's always got a new idea, the current form has over 30 fields for users to fill out, all required, and he's always asking for more.4
Had a job advert where they legit said a requirement was following the waterfall methodology.
Nope. Nope nope nope nope.4
Another OneDrive rant? Nope, this one is more aimed at the wifi in the train. Dutch people assemble!3
"I placed a bet on you. Not a bet like, with money but on the future: In my head, I see you as a senior in a couple years"
Mate how about waiting just enough to let me finish my studies so I can nope the fuck out of this hell hole of a job?1
Bug is not fixable
I get these as I have to submit security issues as bugs and then help whoever is in charge of the fixing find and implement a good solution. But apparently , nope . In some devs opinion , sqli issues are not fixable .1
Me: okay lets test this website i made for my iot projects
Apache2: nah nope i aint loading shell stuff
Me: hm seems like a php bug, lets debug locally
Chome what the hell is this?
In Firefox with my default theme I can tell which tab is open and which one isn't. In Chrome, you put !!white as a highlight over gray.
You have actually managed to design a UI element almost on the same level of terrible as IE6-11, almost.3
Installed chocolatey for the first time because hey a package manager for windows sounds cool
Turns out it automatically installs random ass windows updates
Fuck that noise7
My client just asked me to copy (his words were I want it to look exactly like) the Apple and Weather Channel apps for iPhone. Ummm... nope. Not getting that lawsuit2
I would rant about my life right now i i know people wouldnt understand the problem that Im facing right know.
"Nah. Post it we wanna help, it cant be that bad" - nope i just say nope
Learning to troubleshoot issues with vms. Had to break a vm with a script I was given and then fix it. Docs I was given said x error should be in y log. I check the log; nope. Check the other logs for other possible errors mentioned; nope. Turns out something else broke instead and before of the thing I was supposed to break. Rip me
Outlook protection is shit!
Microsoft is blocking our company mail server AND even my private one for a couple of days now for no reason.
Every other mailing black list has nothing to complain but Microsoft: "You want to send a very important mail to your customer? Nope!"
"Yeah, now you tried to use your private server to fool me. Haha, nope! You didn't think I would block IPs randomly, did you?"
Fuck Microsoft! Fuck Outlook protection! Fuck hotmail!1
What do you expect when you go to college to study programming? Tones of interesting tasks and learning up-to-date technologies and languages?
Nope, I have been studying Pascal for 4 years already... Can I write in my resume "senior Pascal"?1
WHO CAN SPOT THIS STUPID PHP ERROR!
$string = "something.com"
echo " yep, there's a period";
echo "nope, fuck you there isn't";
output: "nope, fuck you there isn't"
me: wtf ??? fucking wasting my time on this fucking stupid tiny fucking error, goddamnit and each refresh takes 15 seconds because it involves calling all these apis from localhost, gmail, etc. arggg...
...for an hour, until I smacked my head so hard I'm in the hospital for a concussion
I hate when that happens.
Time to take a break.15
During the interview, I told them they can put a device to track driver behaviors and offer customized insurance plan based on the data. They laughed at the idea. Nope, not the right company I think.3
Spent nearly 2 hours why the module/plugin on the system was not working. Delete the plugin. Get it from git. Nope. Restart all services, restart server. Still the same. No errors, nothing.
Realized that I had cloned the wrong git repository.
Back again to the horrow show.
We start with the integration. It’s a new project, let’s see how it works. First step: authentication. From the documentation it claims to be an oAuth2. Wait..why just 2 steps to authenticate?! Nevermind, we’ll contact them later. Let’s go on for now.
They need a timestamp with microseconds precision. Here you are!
Nope. Come on! Take the damned timestamp! Nope. Let’s take a look at theirs. If it’s with milliseconds precision, WHY 7 digits after comma?!!!! We decided to contact them. And then.........their answer: we don’t know of any exact number of digits to represent milliseconds.
I see...so it’s arbitrary!!! What are you going to tell us next? One hour can be 3.14159265 minutes then?!!2
Being asked if you have access to the archaic raid array machine in the corner of the data-centre.
Step 1. Log-in in front of the person asking
Step 2. Deleting ssh key from the .ssh/authorized_keys
Step 3. Replying "Nope I know nothing of it"
Proctorio. That's the rant.
But seriously. I thought I could get out of college without running into it. But nope! Now I'm being subject to having my data sent to a company who's CEO posts private support chat logs on reddit to call a concerned student a liar. What a joke.
College is a scam1
Windows 10 Fall Creator Update (1709) is not supporting Samsung SSD 960 Pro M.2 right now.
Always when I try to update it, I get at the start a blue screen with Boot Device not detected. (Error 0xc00000bb)
Thought ok, let's try the update assistens - Nope
Tried to only boot on my M.2 - Nope NOPE
Tried to install upgrade it over a direct Image - Fuck you MoBo, ain't gonna work.
Googled around and everybody with a Samsung 960 Pro have this problem with the update 1709.
Who dafuq test this things at Microsoft? They are forgetting over the bit more expensive customers with a higher end Rigs.
FUCK YOU MICROSOFT AND WINDOWS TOGETHER. Im gonna bury you under water with in a fucking bolder.7
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK
second day I can't configure the stupid pass for mysql root...
I got in, executing maybe 3 diff queries and all seems good, but when I try to use it, nope, is not that
I had to be done already w/ the assignment and here I am still configuring...10
Fucking Docker, for no fucking reason (no updates, no changes, etc), I tried booting it up following the morning ritual, and nope, ERR_EMPTY_RESPONSE when connecting to my current project (means I managed to connect but for some reason no data is sent). Nginx container doesn't yell about anything.
Everything around works. Accessing the container works. Even pinging my dev domain works. Why the fuck suddenly fucking Docker just **stops**?!
Restarted Hyper-V, updated laradock, recreated containers, disabled AcrylicDNS. NOPE.
"Fuck you Phlisg, I'm not in the mood today" <lunatic Docker is lunatic>
Just had a job op through described as "innovations team member at an eSynergy lab." So much nope! WTF is eSynergy?!
This one is funny for me because my current team lead and I have a really comical dynamic regarding reviews.
I can't say I've ever really had a bad experience but I brought up one stand up about how he had rejected my PR and that he was probably just going to reject the next one. So now it's this joke if I get a PR through in one review (which is usually).
One time he spiked a ping pong ball towards me in a match and I replied, "Hey whoa man, this isn't a code review calm down!". 😂
Weekend of our big re-platforming finally comes. I'm not invited for overtime work during this transition. Boss emails on Sunday wanting me to test some code.
What the actual fuck? HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Nope. Office could be on fire - not being paid? Not working. 🍺🍺🍺
Got home after a four hour physics test, laid down in my bed and thought to myself, I'll just chill here for a bit. Haha nope! I woke up a little over 3 hours later. No coding done today... :(2
When you are coding a site and think it would be a great idea to hook it up to the app engine SDK. Nope wrong move now it has just gone to shit :(
Fellow developer: "Hey it's Monday our deadline is tomorrow did you get everything working on the Latino site?"
Fellow developer: "Why the hell not!?"
Me: "you never gave me access to the Wordpress account that I asked for multiple times."
Fellow developer: "oh my bad."
Googling "dependency injection"
Google breaks the fourth wall, and 3d moves inside while offering to chase the white rabbit.
I agree and walls fall completely down with appearing linux system terminal.
Did I take drugs? Nope.
Just Google Easter egg for HR purposes.
Yanno, a popup that states "failure. No specific error was returned with this API call" is about as useful as "Error code: NOPE. Good luck fuckers!"
This occured after hitting the delete button for an MX record on a host that I'm migrating away from.
Occasionally I'll make a commit with a message such as 'a' or 'nope' or 'fix' when a few fixes haven't worked when pushing to the test build... I always look back and hate it...
What's your favorite esoteric language? Lolcode?
crowd: "ooohhhhhhhhh. Oh no you didn't"1
I now approach all new situations as though they were a 'black box'
Carefully choose inputs
Examine and analyze output
Socially awkward? Nope, just charting your I/O.
hm, this doesn't work
hmm, that doesn't work
hmmm, this works
hmmmm, i don't understand why it works
hmmmmm, do i need to understand why it works?
I've been trying to leave DoD for a couple of months now. Translating my 10 year's experience with complex Intelligence enterprise level systems to something relatable to the civilian IT world. Grabbed a few certs to help out A+, network+ and security+ with Linux+ as my next target. Photos of me working on unclassified systems, radios, cell towers and servers. I'm a teacher for military UAS so this shouldn't be to hard to get even a basic job in IT right.
No one will hire...
Linux admin: Nope
Network admin: Nope
Assistant Network admin: Nope
IT call service: Nope
Pool cleaner fucking nope
Many interviews and nothing
I'm broke and sold all of my personal valuables. I can't hold out much longer and really looking at becoming homeless. But I'm kinda ok with it, one last payment on my apartment and car is all I can do now. My parents think I'm in Afghanistan working a six figure job lol
DoD: we see you're trying to leave we'll pay you alot to teach A+, Network+ and Security+ traveling all across the country and staying at hotels with all expenses paid.
FU FU FU I want out please tell me someone has a job, I'll be a janitor of a server room Idc I just want out. Fuck the pay
I start Tuesday...4
Used the java replace method to remove specific characters with a regex. Wondered, why the characters weren't replaced until I realized I forgot that replace doesn't use regex but matches literally. Checked my previous code snippets, whether I made that mistake previously ... nope, I used replaceAll. 🤦2
I simplified 7 functions down to a blob because it was truly unreadable and fragmented. As I did it, I thought there was no way I did it right. This can't be the logic. Nope. It is.
Yeah, the formatting could be better. End of the shift so that's a tomorrow thing.10
New guy - Senior profile - First question asked - Nope it's a Junior. How come - asking the basic functionality of the middleware piece you have to extend and cannot even answer on this one
Spent half a day trying to figure out why a package wasn't working, was telling me the properties provided weren't known (typically meaning I forgot to include it at a module level).
Nope. The package owners just updated the property names and didn't update their documentation 🙃
how's your day going?
Today I watched Grave of the Fireflies and I didn't find it sad.
I have seen so many reviews online that people cried like a bitch. But nope, none of that for me.
Am I just a psychopath?11
So in my short time as a software developer I find myself that I sometimes get bored working (I feel like I'm doing the same thing from 9 to 5 everyday) don't get me wrong I like my job a lot but sometimes I feel like it's not satisfactory.
Do you get bored like this? And what do you do to keep it exciting for you (Don't go into money please I don't think it's the reason for happiness)1
I work very hard to the point I have no medical leave in all the time I have been working, I take do I get any respect nope at every opportunity I get shat on, blamed for everything today I was told off for thinking.5
That feeling when you're optimizing your code and comment a small function to compare results, then few hours later you push to production and forget everything about that function.
It aint pretty, nope I can't run away from this one!2
Worst enterprise software must be 'foglight' from quest.
I have ranted about this before...
Whenever you see the name 'quest software' or foglight, NOPE the fuck outta there.
XXXX programming language does not scale. Nope, it is your code. Review your code and improve it! Don't add more hardware to improve performance, that solution just covers the problem. Review, review and review
Something that I think devs have to do, is say 'hell no' to their superiors. Anyone got any war stories for this? We can use the tag 'nope' to group them all?2
// doesn't work.
/* nope */
<?php /* uhhh */ ?>
Only devil decided that we have to speak PHP on nearly all our comments.
You know what pisses me off more than anything is my current troubles were moot over and over
But oh no
Can't leave me in a place where I'm doing well nope.
me: ah yess I need to sleep
brain:you should learn rust
me:SHUT UPP NO NOPE I AM SLEEEPING NOOOOPE
Besides my wife accusing me of talking to other women, nope. But that's probably a result of a quote from a movie that i feel is true "I'm married to my work, my wife is my mistress, that way I'll love her forever"1
Capitalism - the only moral system ever devised. Nope not devised, realised it actually works. Markets works, market flourishes. Price discovery works.
Shelves running out of stock around the world should give a taste of communism and central planning. Centralists have no clue what everyone needs.9
6pm Friday , opening a trouble ticket on a citrix server because an app has the wrong link ie.
The support that you answers:
Ie on your computer ? On the server ?
Nope, on the laptop of my little sister....
did she ask why i said that :P nope.
not sure if she even commented last time.
naybe because i saw she sampled something i said when younger and happier person.
welcome to no end house
do you people feel dead yet ? like wraiths worn out and wandering at the edge of the town ?
Reverse engineering with IDA, be like:
Ow that makes sense, lets jmp there, nope thats not... aaah this must be the subroutine I was lookig for, nope thats not it, repeat.