Manager: How come the intern does way more tickets than you?

Dev: Because you told me to only give him the easy ones since he either can’t do them otherwise or takes too long on the hard ones

Manager: Well how is he going to learn if we only give him easy ones?

Dev: That’s what I told you when you orig—

Manager: Assign him ALL of the hard tickets on your board immediately!

*Tickets closed per day drops significantly*

Manager: WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG ON THESE TICKETS!!!!!

Dev: …

I’m surrounded by idiots.

I’m continually reminded of that fact, but today I found something that really drives that point home.

Gather ‘round, everybody, it’s story time!

While working on a slow query ticket, I perused the code, finding several causes, and decided to run git blame on the files to see what dummy authored the mental diarrhea currently befouling my screen. As it turns out, the entire feature was written by mister legendary Apple golden boy “Finder’s Keeper” dev himself.

To give you the full scope of this mess, let me start at the frontend and work my way backward.

He wrote a javascript method that tracks whatever row was/is under the mouse in a table and dynamically removes/adds a “.row_selected” class on it. At least the js uses events (jQuery…) instead of a `setTimeout()` so it could be worse. But still, has he never heard of :hover? The function literally does nothing else, and the `selectedRow` var he stores the element reference in isn’t used elsewhere.

This function allows the user to better see the rows in the API Calls table, for which there is a also search feature — the very thing I’m tasked with fixing.

It’s worth noting that above the search feature are two inputs for a date range, with some helpful links like “last week” and “last month” … and “All”. It’s also worth noting that this table is for displaying search results of all the API requests and their responses for a given merchant… this table is enormous.

This search field for this table queries the backend on every character the user types. There’s no debouncing, no submit event, etc., so it triggers on every keystroke. The actual request runs through a layer of abstraction to parse out and log the user-entered date range, figure out where the request came from, and to map out some column names or add additional ones. It also does some hard to follow (and amazingly not injectable) orm condition building. It’s a mess of functional ugly.

The important columns in the table this query ultimately searches are not indexed, despite it only looking for “create_order” records — the largest of twenty-some types in the table. It also uses partial text matching (again: on. every. single. keystroke.) across two varchar(255)s that only ever hold <16 chars — and of which users only ever care about one at a time. After all of this, it filters the results based on some uncommented regexes, and worst of all: instead of fetching only one page’s worth of results like you’d expect, it fetches all of them at once and then discards what isn’t included by the paginator. So not only is this a guaranteed full table scan with partial text matching for every query (over millions to hundreds of millions of records), it’s that same full table scan for every single keystroke while the user types, and all but 25 records (user-selectable) get discarded — and then requeried when the user looks at the next page of results.

What the bloody fucking hell? I’d swear this idiot is an intern, but his code does (amazingly) actually work.

No wonder this search field nearly crashed one of the servers when someone actually tried using it.

Asdfajsdfk.

An intern I was supposed to lead (as an intern) and work with. Which sounded kinda crazy to me, but also fun so I rolled with it. But when I met her I quickly found out she didn't even have a coding editor installed and when I advised one she was "scared of virusses". She had Microsoft Edge in her toolbar, and some picture of a cat as a background. We were given some project by our boss, and a freelance programmer helped us set it up on Trello. Great, lets start! Oke maybe first some R&D, she had to reaeach how to use the Twilio API. After catching her on WhatsApp a few times I realised this wasnt gonna go anywere. After a few weeks of coding and posting a initial project to git I asked her if she could show me the code of the API she made so far..

She told me she was using the quickstart guide (the last 3 FUCKING weeks) which contained some test project with specific use cases.

The one that I did 3 weeks ago that same fucking morning.

AND SHE WAS STILL NOT DONE...

A few days later I asked her about the progress (strangly, I wasn't allowed ti give her another task bcs the freelanc already did) and guess what... She got fking pissed at me

Her: "I will come to you when im done, ok?"
Me: "I just want to see how it is going so far and if you are running into any problems!"
Her: "I dont want to show you right now"

She then goes to my fucking boss to tell him I am bothering her.

And omg... Please dear god please kill me now...

Instead of him saying the she probably didn't do shit. He says to me that the girl thinks im looking down on her and she needs a stress free environment to work in. She will show me when its done. ITS A FUCKING QUICKSTART GUIDE YOU DUMB BITCH.

He then procceeded to whine to me about the email template (another project I do at the same time) which didn't look perfect in all of his clients.

Dont they understand that I am not a frontend developer? Can you stop please? I know nothing about email templates, I told you this!!!

Really... the whole fucking internship the only thing the girl did was ask people if they want more tea. Then she starts cleaning the windows, talk to people for an hour, or clean everyone's dask.

all this while I already made 50% of the fucking product and she just finished the quickstart tutorial 😭. Truly 2 months wasted, and the worse thing is I didn't get any apprication. They constantly blamed me and whined at me. Sometimes for being 3 minutes late, the other for smoking too much, or because I drink to much coffee, or that I dont eat healthy. They even forced me to play Ping Pong. While im just trying to do my job. One of the worst things they got mad at me for if when my laptop got hacked bcs it was infected with some virus. He had remote access and bought 5 iPhones 6's with my paypal while I was on break. I had to go home and quickly reset all my passwords and make sure the iPhones wouldnt get delivered. strange this was, this laptop I only used at the company. So it must have been software I had to download there. Probably phpstorm (torrent). Bcs nobody would give me a license. And the freelancer said I * have to *.

the monday after I still had to reinstall windows so I called them and said I would be late. when I came they were so disrepectfull and didn't understand anything. It went a little like this:

Boss: why u late?
Me: had to reinstall my laptop, sorry.
Boss: why didnt you do this in your own time?
Me: well, I didn't have any time.
Boss: cant you do this in the weekend or something? Because now we have to pay you several hours bcs you downloaded something at home.

Me: I am only using this laptop for work so thats not possible.

Boss: how can that even be possible? You are not doing anything at home with your laptop? Is that why you never do anything at home?

Me: uhm, I have desktop computer you know. Its much faster. And I also need to rest sometimes. Areeb (freelancer) told me to torrent the software. He gave me the link. 2 days later this happends

Boss: Ahh okeee I see.. Well dont let it happen again.

After that nobody at the compamy trusted me with anything computer related. Yes it was my own fault I downloaded a virus but it can happen to anyone. After that I never used Windows again btw, also no more auto login apps.

I was only seventeen back then and I was a Java Developer Intern, not knowing much about enterprise oriented coding.

The project leader in our dev team saw a lot of potential and passion in my work, but was convinced I wasn't taught enough to do the right thing.

I was mainly doing shitty mappers and services back then, which were somewhat used but never lasted long and were ditched a few months later, which always bummed me out. I wanted to make an impact on REAL projects that would deploy into production.

So Mister Mentor (GDPR forbid to use the actual name), who was always first to come and last to leave the office, taught me what it means to code for real.

We stayed after 5pm until 7-8pm multiple times a week and he taught me in a deeply understanding and calm way how to:
- Git (SVN)
- Refactor
- SOA
- Annotate
- Deploy
- Unit Test

And most importantly:
- How to debug like an absolute BOSS
(We even debugged native Java Libraries just for fun to see if we could break them)

Fast-forward a month later and little intern me made his first commit on production.

Without Mister Mentor, I wouldn't be half as good of a developer as I am today.

Intern: Can I fix this?

Dev: sure whatever

(Intern makes breaking change.)

Dev:

When the new intern arrives... (OC)

Go ahead, let the intern handle the payment feature

New office saga continues

We had 2 days on induction and these guys hired a 19 year old intern for the HR department.

Yes, the worst possible combination.

In last two days she made our life hell. Insufferable human being.

How can a person be so annoying?!

It was so tempting to roast her, but then I had to control my instincts so as to not get a warning during my first two days.

Not saying that everyone is bad and there surely exist great people, but wide majority of Gen Z makes me go nuts and that is all what is wrong with corporate world, old wine and fresh blood overlapping.

We are headed towards self destruction, buckle up your seat belts.

BGP went down during new year and I had to endure the noise while reviving a dead switch from chassis.

Because a fucking intern decided it was fine to try broadcast internal shit.

!rant

Today is a happy day.

I just got a job to finance my last year of studies as a frontend dev for two months this summer.

I'll be working as an intern and won't get paid much, but it's still tremendously more than I would've ever made with any other shitty student job.

Best thing is that my best friend works at the same company and we'll be seated next to each other (he also convinced the HR to invite me to the interview, woul've been rejected right away without him).

So basically I am a lucky bastard and they even told me that if I'm doing well they wouldn't hesitate to hire me after my studies if I'd still be interested in a year ❤️

What I'm missing most as a student is to work in front of a computer 8 hours a day. This will be a welcome change and a nice addition to my CV.

Wish me luck! Starting right after my final exams on the 16th 😎

Software Developer Intern @bmw

Got contacted by a place I used to be an intern at. They were looking to hire. Things are supposedly better now, so I highballed my salary expectations.

Surprisingly, they were willing to meet those expectations, so that's cool. However, a call they said was going to happen in the morning didn't happen until late afternoon.

Now I'm wondering just how much they've improved on the planning.

This is so annoying, I had 9 diff. jobs the past 2 years and this is my 10th and if this doesn't change I might reconsider my options again.

I came to work at a company that pays me like a Junior and treats me as an intern. My 20yo "boss" who acts as a project owner/lead dev doesn't want to learn anything new and sees any improvement as a waste of money. The problem is he thinks hes a great programmer but he doesn't know shit. Im mainly working on the Laravel installation because "I claimed I know Laravel". And its absolute garbage. They haven't used a single Laravel features besides routes and everything else is vanilla PHP. They write for loops that loop through $_REQUEST to remove a single character. Write 100 deep nested ifs and they abuse Elasticsearch to the point ES crashes because the program is using 1000 deep multidimensional arrays. Its only a webshop...

Everytime I try to make a suggestion like making the master branch protected, doing code reviews etc etc I get shut down because they are autistic and don't want anything to change.

This is the strangest thing that has happened to me:

I once worked as a intern at a consultancy company. Me and another junior got a brand new customer project assigned to us (bad idea I know) we spent 2 months working on that project, building a website from scratch. The customer paid 10 000€ for it. The website sucked and didn't work properly in the end.

I ended up leaving the company for unrelated reasons and left the project. A couple of months later I asked the other junior whatever happened to that project and he said that the customer seemed to have forgotten about the project and no one was working on it anymore

Like what? How do you just forget about something you paid 10 000€ for? I mean I'm happy they did as it was the worst project I've built

Intern - adds commit message like "added two files"

Me - Hey Intern, I've added commit lint, please don't disable precommit hooks.. so let's follow standard commit message format

Intern - commits like "feat(app): fix changes"

*later*

Me - Hey Intern, please commit with short meaningful messages like what actual changes were made

Intern - commits like feat(app): whole long story of what he couldn't do and some changes..

Me - 🤦

An intern made a very bad impression on the first day.

This was before I become a developer. I was working in commercial art sales. One day, I had an appointment to onboard two new interns together.

Intern 1 shows up and I ask her for her signed confidentiality agreement. The boss had sent it out a week before and told me the interns were bringing the signed paperwork on their first day. I see the surprised look on her face and she says she forgot. She’s lucky I had access to another copy. If I didn’t, things could have gotten pretty awkward if I had to contact my boss, who was out of office. If there’s no signed agreement, I can’t onboard her and I’d have to send her home. The appointment was made with intern 1’s availability in mind, so intern 1 could have spent her time coming to the office for nothing and being turned away because of a stupid mistake she made.

While we wait for intern 2 to arrive, I try to engage in small talk with intern 1. I try to get to know her a little better and I ask “are you still in college/university?” She word vomits that she thought she had graduated, but six months later she hadn’t received her diploma and she called the school and they told her her pre-college credits had not transferred, so she’s finishing those credits now.

Oh, intern, you should have just simplified all this to “I’m finishing up my degree” or “yes, I’m still in college.” This is TMI. You don’t want to give out information about yourself that could put you in a bad light. You need to know to be discreet about yourself. You’re 22 years old. It’s really bad judgement to say this to your supervisor (me) and we’ve only known each other for ten minutes. I’m not your friend, I’m your supervisor. Honestly, I thought the explanation didn’t make sense because she would have found out about the credits when she tried to transfer them and when she applied for graduation. I didn’t prod for more details.

I did have to tell my boss about intern 1 forgetting the paperwork. It’s not something the intern would be reprimanded for, but it is something that’s not a good sign. The paperwork had been sent by the boss a week prior. It’s troublesome that an intern would forget to complete an important task that was sent by the boss. This was never a problem with prior interns.

Boss did freak out because boss thought I onboarded intern 1 without intern agreeing to the confidentiality agreement. Boss hadn’t considered an intern would forget the paperwork and didn’t tell me what to do if this did happen. I reassured boss that I had printed a new copy and had intern 1 sign the agreement.

I didn’t say anything about the word vomit. The content was troubling, but I was concerned this would be gossip and I wasn’t out to sabotage the intern.

Forgetting the paperwork and the word vomit were signs the intern wasn’t reliable. Intern had trouble taking direction even when it was written down. She’d do stupid things like invite her boyfriend to the office for hours and let BF sit at the boss’s desk—boss caught her and boss’s office is visible from our public viewing floor, so visitor did see this too. I suspected she might have an diagnosed learning disability.

In the end, intern didn’t ask for a reference letter. Boss said that if intern asked for one in the future, the answer would be no.

Intern 1 is the reason why I don’t want to be in change of interns ever again even though I’m not in art sales anymore.

When they say they are looking for Intern with experience???

Student intern here. My boss recently asked me to replace several if-statements with preprocessor macros.

In Python.

And apparently, he didn‘t joke.

I met this guy on my very first job. An internship. He was an intern too. We were doing Java and he was a brilliant programmer. We would try to finish the job as quickly as possible then stay back late to play 1v1 CS. (Yes on company LAN). We worked together for only 2 months. We are still in touch. Right now helping him with SOP for his master's thesis.

Today I could finally spend some time reviewing the merge requests an intern made (and I occasionally helped).

My god, I want to put it this months amount of work an, put it in a trash, burn it and rewrite it before the fire is gone.

5 small and unrelated issues. The intern used branches with the correct naming scheme, but IT'S A FUCKING STRAIGHT LINE BUILDING ON TOP OF EACHOTHER.

Oh ans also they took the liberty to update the dependencies and the language versions used. There was no issue regarding this. It's the first branch in the line and it was called "update_<dependency>" where they just upped the version numbers of everything and then COMMENT OUT all mentions of <dependency> so that it compiles at the very least.

Now today I spend most of my time reviewing the code by fixing that mess. Thanks to updates I had to update the CI and replace some libraries that are now incompatible. Tomorrow I can finally inspect the shit itself.

On a positive side node, I removed node as a dev dependency and the size of the node modules went down from 128mb to 18mb

Deep learning is probably (????) the only research branch where every successful paper title needs to be a stupid acronym or meme

I work in a conversational AI startup and the new intern that joined yesterday didn't understand half the memes or acronyms (especially all the Simpsons related) because apparently he's "Gen Z" and all the paper title is "Millennial" humour

He's only 2 years younger than me. Am I literally at the millennial - GenZ border ? Or the intern is out of touch ?

Fuck this shit

I’m interning at this place and the code is ALL OVER THE PLACE. I have to rewrite every damn function and the code base is so obfuscated and stupid on multiple levels. I’m sick of this shit and literally every damn thing needs to be rewritten from scratch

Some updates:

> Going to get another paper published (hopefully) once my exams end
> Got a intern, not a lot of money, ₹2L≈$2.6k per month for 2.5 months
> Will get a Mac from company for the intern(probably not new, and most likely will be taken back soon after the internship)
> Planning on entrepreneurship after getting a degree

Ohh and the rant:
1. Fucking sent me a 2 page list of links as "pre reads for internship" during my exams -- and intern will start soon after exams
2. Have missed 3 paper submission deadlines till now, hopefully will run more experiments on time this time and finally get that paper submitted (on 15th May)

Hi guys, this is my first post, I am currently doing an internship as a backend intern and I'm constantly anxious if I'm good enough I come from a no name college and everybody here is from a top tier college and I constantly worry that I am not on an equal footing as other interns.

Make no mistake I work hard, yet I start to feel insecure. I hope this feeling goes away when I get more experience.

Not me the multimedia dev intern helping the IT guy how to use excel

Intern spent about a week trying to set up a local ruby on rails environment. Yeah, this is not really on topic, it wasn't that bad, but it's what comes to mind.

I don't know who modelled the databases I've had to work with these past months but god damn it no fucking normalization anywhere. Inconsistent data just cost me my morning.

I'm currently working as an intern in a Web company and its the first time that I have to work 8 hours a day (I'm in college so that's completely new to me).
How do you guys stay focused for 8 hours? It's kinda hard to go from 90 minutes classes to 8 hours of (somewhat) consistent work.

How do I focus for a long period of time?

Ugh, no.. You got yourself from dirty dental-dams of “Jif” believers, all the way to passed bass-ackwards. That PR is raw sewage and your demoted back to entry-level if not intern. Oh and while you’re crying with Morty’s dad; consider a career change. Most importantly, just forget WAN ever existed and go back to your parents first PAN device to play solitaire.

-

Sincerely,
All engineers, reviewers and testers who clean up your leaking dirty diarrhea lines.

Me: *applying for software dev roles or product roles*
Also me: *applying for masters in swe or mba*
Also also me: *gets hired as a multimedia dev intern for pissmoney*

So I started out in 2010ish as an intern, entirely remote. It let me attend school in my home state while working for a company elsewhere. Fast forward to 2017, I leave that company to work at a college, as a hybrid model. Found I was more productive on days that I was home/working from the lab versus days I was in the office. Skip to 2018, I get a job working for the Air Force which is ALSO hybrid. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't as good for me as when I was remote. In 2019 I started working for NYS and had to report to an office full time. YIKES was that not for me. My mental health started slipping, my physical health went out the window, and I barely got anything done. Along comes COVID and I'm back to 100% remote! Well, NYS Gov Cathy GoKill is trying to push state employees back to the office, and I really don't want to deal with that unnecessary stress again. Ever. Does anyone have any tips for starting out or looking for employment in the private sector, when my priority would be staying remote?

I've been working for about a year now at a company. It's my first job in the industry. I'm technically still an intern as my role however next week I'm kicking off a project as the technical lead and architect of the project (without a title change). I'm new to the professional industry but I've been programming for a while and do a lot of stuff on my own. Due to being an intern I'm making well below other devs even less than ~1/3 of what some of the people that I would be leading are making I've never worried about money because I'm a student and just am enjoying the learning but at this point. It seems like a bit of stress and risk that I'm taking on without any sort of benefit other than just learning more. Am I selling myself short? Any thoughts? Thanks.