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Got the best cake for my 30th birthday. Only if my wife understood what language I program with. I still love her though!
30 -
Did a very tiny migration for a client which would normally be done against our hourly rate but decided to do it for free as it would take me like 5 minutes and it was a very important thing for him and he actually offered to pay.
Fuck it, he'll be very happy, it doesn't take me much time and I know my boss would approve.
Did the migration, messaged the client and he thanked me.
Next day a cake arrives at work with my name on it and "thanks for helping us with the migration!"
Now that's how you make my fucking day!17 -
Admin: "Wait, I noticed unusual traffic."
Me: "What is it?"
Admin: "Looks like we have a bot here."
Me: "A bot? Didn't know we are so popular."
Admin: "It makes constantly login requests through our API, it already surpassed 600.000! I will ban it right away."
Me: "wait, that just sounds like my bot.."
Admin: "DUDE, WTF? ARE YOU SERIOUS?"
When there is bug, you don't know of, it can end up quite embarrassing.11 -
When your gf isn't a Dev but still tries to surprise you on your birthday with an HTML cake. But your OCD is killing you because of the mistakes
Src: IG - developers_team
45 -
I've turned 24 years old and it was given to me this amazing cake at the party, could it get any better?
26 -
I. FUCKING. HATE. MOBILE. DEVELOPMENT.
I already manage the data, devops, infra, and most of the backend dev.
We had a mobile guy. He was great. I never had to think about it and kept moving quickly on my work. #SpecializationOfLaborFTW
He left. Why? Because they wouldn't give him a small raise despite being one of the best mobile engineers in the firm. WTF.
I made the mistake of picking up just enough slack on this workflow in the interim such that I'm, apparently, the fucking god-damned release manager, fixer of pipelines, fixer of build configs, fixer of anything where someone just needs to RTFM for a half-hour to not fucking break things.
Now, 8 months later...and, apparently, Fortune 500 companies are too fucking god-damned cheap to pay for someone who actually knows WTF they're doing for a very reasonable thing to have at least one dedicated set of eyes for.
I never wanted to be a mobile dev.
I never will want to be a mobile dev.
And I certainly don't want to manage your HALF-FACE-FUCKED detached expo configs.
There's a reason I never intentionally involved myself in mobile. All the way down, it's just shitty cross-compilation, transpilation, dependency-hell, brittle-as-fuck build processes so we can foot-gun and mouth-gun react-native and expo and babel and whatever the fuck else cargo-culted horseshit into the wild.
And why? What's the actual fucking root cause? The biggest white elephant that ever fucking elephant-ed? It's because Apple and Google decided to never collaborate on a truly-native cross-platform SDK--where engineers could write native code that compiles to native binaries that's simply write-once, run-everywhere. They know they could have done that, and they didn't. So what'd they get back? Expo--a too-cleverly-designed backdoor/hack--more-or-less a way to circumvent the sane release process software has usually followed: code -> executable -> deploy. Or code -> deploy (for interpreted langs). Expo's like "keep your same executable, we're just gonna to do updates by injecting new code into it whenever we want". Didn't we learn anything with web? Shit gets messy real quick? Not to mention: HEY EXPO, WE WERE ALREADY BUILDING NATIVE APPS, YOU SHORT-SIGHTED FUCKS. THANKS FOR LURING OUR CTOs INTO FORCING EXPO DOWN OUR THROATS W/ THE IMPLICIT (BUT INCORRECT) TOO-GOOD-TO-BE-TRUE PROMISE THAT WE CAN HAVE WRITE-ONCE, RUN-ANYWHERE WITHOUT ANY BUY-IN OR COOPERATION FROM THE ACTUAL TARGET PLATFORMS.
And, we just, like, accept this? We all know it's garbage engineering. The principles we learned in the classroom aren't just academic abstractions--they actually yield real-world results--and eschewing them yields real-world failures. Expo is tightly-coupled to high-heaven, with leaky abstractions six-ways-to-christmas, chock-full of foot-guns, and fails the most basic test of quality: does it, "just work?"
Expo is fucking shameful and it should fucking die. Its promises are too bold, its land-mines too many, its future-proof-ness is alway, always, always questionable as fuck and a risk to every project that uses it.
You want a rant? This is my fucking venue, 'tis not? Well, then this is a piss and vinegar rant straight from my blood-red, beating fucking heart:
EXPO FUCKING SUCKS. AND IF YOU'RE A FAN, YOU FUCKING SUCK TOO.27 -
That awkward moment when you are programming with headphones totally ignoring the world around you... then you stop for a moment, you turn around and behind you the other workers are celebrating a birthday by drinking champagne and cutting slices of cake... since at least 5 minutes.12
-
Started being a Teaching Assistant for Intro to Programming at the uni I study at a while ago and, although it's not entirely my piece of cake, here are some "highlights":
* students were asked to use functions, so someone was ingenious (laughed my ass off for this one):
def all_lines(input):
all_lines =input
return all_lines
* "you need to use functions" part 2
*moves the whole code from main to a function*
* for Math-related coding assignments, someone was always reading the input as a string and parsing it, instead of reading it as numbers, and was incredibly surprised that he can do the latter "I always thought you can't read numbers! Technology has gone so far!"
* for an assignment requiring a class with 3 private variables, someone actually declared each variable needed as a vector and was handling all these 3 vectors as 3D matrices
* because the lecturer specified that the length of the program does not matter, as long as it does its job and is well-written, someone wrote a 100-lines program on one single line
* someone was spamming me with emails to tell me that the grade I gave them was unfair (on the reason that it was directly crashing when run), because it was running on their machine (they included pictures), but was not running on mine, because "my Python version was expired". They sent at least 20 emails in less than 2h
* "But if it works, why do I still have to make it look better and more understandable?"
* "can't we assume the input is always going to be correct? Who'd want to type in garbage?"
* *writes 10 if-statements that could be basically replaced by one for-loop*
"okay, here, you can use a for-loop"
*writes the for loop, includes all the if-statements from before, one for each of the 10 values the for-loop variable gets*
* this picture
N.B.: depending on how many others I remember, I may include them in the comments afterwards
19 -
I'd like to extend my heartfelt fuck-you to the following persons:
- The recruiter who told me that at my age I wouldn't find a job anymore: FUCK YOU, I'll send you my 55 birthday's cake candles, you can put all of them in your ass, with light on.
- The Project Manager that after 5 rounds of interviews and technical tests told me I didn't have enough experience for his project: be fucked in an Agile way by all member of your team, standing up, every morning for 15 minutes, and every 2 weeks by all stakeholders.
- The unemployment officer who advised me to take low level jobs, cut my expenses and salary expectations: you can cut your cock and suck it, so you'll stop telling bullshit to people
- The moron that gave me a monster technical assignment on Big Data, which I delivered, and didn't gave me any feedback: shove all your BIG DATA in your ass and open it to external integrations
- the architect who told me I should open my horizons, because I didn't like React: put a reactive mix in your ass and close it, so your shit will explode in your mouth
- the countless recruiter who used my cv to increase their db, offering fake jobs: print all your db on paper and stuff your ass with that, you'll see how big you will be
To all of them, really really fuck you.12 -
API Guy.
He has a serious regex problem.
Regexes are never easy to read, but the ones he uses just take the cake. They're either blatantly wrong, or totally over-engineered garbage that somehow still lacks basic functionality. I think "garbage" here is a little too nice, since you can tell what garbage actually is/was without studying it for five minutes.
In lieu of an actual rant (mostly because I'm overworked), I'll just leave a few samples here. I recommend readying some bleach before you continue reading.
Not a valid url name regex:
VALID_URL_NAME_REGEX = /\A[\w\-]+\Z/
Semi-decent email regex: (by far the best of the four)
VALID_EMAIL_REGEX = /\A[\w+\-.]+@[a-z\d\-.]+\.[a-z]+\z/i
Over-engineered mess that only works for (most) US numbers:
VALID_PHONE_REGEX = /1?\s*\W?\s*([2-9][0-8][0-9])\s*\W?\s*([2-9][0-9]{2})\s*\W?\s*([0-9]{4})(\se?x?t?(\d*))?/
and for the grand finale:
ZIP_CODE_REGEX = /(^\d{5}(-\d{4})?$)|(^[ABCEGHJKLMNPRSTVXY]{1}\d{1}[A-Z]{1} *\d{1}[A-Z]{1}\d{1}$)|GIR[ ]?0AA|((AB|AL|B|BA|BB|BD|BH|BL|BN|BR|BS|BT|CA|CB|CF|CH|CM|CO|CR|CT|CV|CW|DA|DD|DE|DG|DH|DL|DN|DT|DY|E|EC|EH|EN|EX|FK|FY|G|GL|GY|GU|HA|HD|HG|HP|HR|HS|HU|HX|IG|IM|IP|IV|JE|KA|KT|KW|KY|L|LA|LD|LE|LL|LN|LS|LU|M|ME|MK|ML|N|NE|NG|NN|NP|NR|NW|OL|OX|PA|PE|PH|PL|PO|PR|RG|RH|RM|S|SA|SE|SG|SK|SL|SM|SN|SO|SP|SR|SS|ST|SW|SY|TA|TD|TF|TN|TQ|TR|TS|TW|UB|W|WA|WC|WD|WF|WN|WR|WS|WV|YO|ZE)(\d[\dA-Z]?[ ]?\d[ABD-HJLN-UW-Z]{2}))|BFPO[ ]?\d{1,4}/
^ which, by the way, doesn't match e.g. Australian zip codes. That cost us quite a few sales. And yes, that is 512 characters long.47 -
And thus another 365 days have passed and here we are. Woooh! In celebrations of the age++ I gave my little avatar his own cake while I now enjoy my own. Cheers!
10 -
In my college days i was designing a bootloader for avr microcontroller , i had the idea to flash code wirelessly to avr over bluetooth and also cross compile the compiler for android device so that you can code on android, every thing went well just one thing didn't, i saw that code of certain size is executing properly , greater than that size gives me wired outputs so i have to dump hex from the avr (that is flashed the by bootloader) and compaire it with the original hex of code it got messy as you can see, most fun part of this bug is that error can be anywhere cross compiler may be fucked up , the bootloader may be fucked up , or it may be my bluetooth module , after 14 hours of staring at the hex code i figured out the mess in bootloader instruction that was changing the page address for flashing .
when it worked it was 3am in night i literally burst into tears of joy next day bought myself a cake to celebrate
6 -
This is dedicated to all Webdevs, especially those WordPress fanboys.
I was reflecting on some things since I do more frequent freelance jobs at the time. And I have to admit: people are fucking crazy.
I had some serious talk with customers and some serious talk for people I work as subsidiary.
The average customer thinks a nice webpage costs I'm 9-50 bucks. They got some shitty Webhosting for 1-5$/month including domain and think they are set.
They have unclear visions about what they actually want, it all boils down to "I like the design". I made a page for someone who just posted images, no text nothing and I told him a trillion times NEEDS some text, even a fucking picture description would be sufficient, else he'll never score anything at google.
Ofc it got denied, now he's bitching how nobody finds the site when they google his name. The other thing is that Wordpress became the solution for everything.
I'm a fucking certified magento developer and I hate magento with a passion. Magento is an overabstracted clusterfuck and believe me, I did the certification I had to learn more than average about the core. But damn, don't slap woocommerce on everything.
Narrowninded fucktards, the cheap out of the box solution isn't always the best.
Don't cry if you got hacked because you were too dumb to upgrade your wordpress. Don't tell me to do some "enhancements" on a server you probably share with 100 other uses. I can't fix your Webserver with your shitty ftp account.
I also hate WordPress with a burning passion. Cum guzzling cavetroll it is. It has it usages, but don't rely on a core So small every kind of extra functionality has to somehow tinkered on it and then expect it to work flawlessly and for 10$ price.
Of course you can buy a theme that, if it would have been special made for you cost 800$ or more, but it wasn't. It just looks like it from the outside. If you want customization you are at the mercy of the option it provides. I can't even tell how many times i spent whole evenings explaining how their shiny template works. Just to do some crazy shit with JavaScript like rearranging domelements because it didn't work as expected.
I still stay to my word. Nothing great has been nor will be created with a Wordpress core. Don't tell me how some great stuff has been achieved. Or wait, please do so. But before you do think about if that wouldn't been faster, cheaper, more reliable , etc... if done with a framework like symphony or laravel... or even zend or cake.
And that brings me back to the point:
Is cheap and "out of the box" really what you need and desire? As customer and as developer?6 -
When you go to some tech meet up and your mom thinks you went to some kind of 4 years old kids' birthday party
3 -
Story of my most useless meeting?
Too many to mention. Here's one. Years ago a new HR associate was specifically hired to better engage the workforce. About once a week, she conducted about an hour to two hour meetings which consisted of every 'touchy-feely' idea you could think of. I swear any day I was going to walk into a meeting and do the "fall back into your partner" trust exercises.
One particular meeting, 'Betty' engaged us with the topic of what keeps us motivated, and I was a little more annoyed than usual because I was behind on a system critical project and these meetings were mandatory.
User1: "Knowing I make customer satisfaction my number one priority."
User2: "The strong sense of accomplishment I feel by doing my best"
Me: "Money"
<you could almost hear Betty's gasp>
Betty: "Oh, no, money shouldn't be the motivator. Money is like icing on the cake. Tell us what keeps you happy and engaged."
<other users nod their heads in engagement>
Me: "Again, money."
User3: "I can't...ugh..I don't believe..oh..why would you say that? I think being part of such a great team is payment enough."
<more nodding of heads>
Me: "Do you work for free? I don't. None of us do. Would any of you keep doing your jobs here if you weren't getting paid?"
Betty: "That is really not the point of this meeting."
Me: "Sure it is. I'll bet if Order Taking starting providing bonuses for positive after-call surveys, employee satisfaction would go through the roof. Anyone else like that idea?"
Betty: "Your attitude isn't helping this discussion. Lets move on."
Me: "Lets not. In 20?? the Gartner group performed a study where they 'discovered' the primary motivator for employees was money. You want employees to perform better, you pay them. It is really that simple."
<I could see the looks of "Its OK to speak my mind?" and others wanting to speak up>
Betty: "Moving on. Lets go over the company core values again and discuss how they enrich our lives at work and at home."
I kept quiet for the rest of the meeting.
The poop hit the fan, and my boss pulls me into a conference room
Boss: "Betty is really pissed at you. She went directly to the VP of HR"
Me: "Good. Does this mean I don't have to attend the enrichment meetings?"
Boss: "Yea, that was her idea of punishment. Lucky bastard."8 -
My father just told me that I'm not a good programmer, because there are kids out there, who are younger than me and know more programming languages.
Besides the fact that the number of programming languages one knows has nothing to do with programming skills, I just said: "I wanna see that kid.", because I already knew his answer.
"Well, I never said there are many of these kids."
*facepalm*9 -
Dad: "Happy birthday"
(hands over a box)
"here's your cake, now bake it"
Me: "Wha?"
fast forward to today, its now a linux meme1 -
*At an outdoor birthday party*
Wife: Hey, there's a bug on the cake!
Me: Strange... I don't remember baking that cake...
Other guests: -_- -
Having a non technical boss is such a pain. He thinks all the features should be a piece of cake. There should be a course in business departments where people will be taught how programming works.5
-
When you start a new job as a Senior Developer, and start asking questions about the code, and you have these collections of conversations with other front-end people:
Exhibit 1:
Me: Ahh so I see the filtering and pagination is all done with Javascript in the front end...
Random dev: No, it's done with Angular.
Exhibit 2:
Me: I think we should add frontend pagination to this page. There will be too many elements on it if you're a customer with 2000 servers.
Random dev: Don't bother, there's no pagination in the API call... So that will not gain any performance.
Me: But it wouldn't take long to implement and it would improve the user experience, why would you want to show ALL the elements, when you have an option not to... Also, it WILL be a major performance hit, especially on mobile.
Random dev: People will use search anyway.
😥🔪
Also, there are no coding standards, every file looks different, and my opinion is being disregarded in everything, and I thought my last job was bad...
Seriously how are some people hired as front-enders?
Since I just took this job, I feel obligated to stay a couple of months... But hey, don't cry for me, I might have more rants for you. 😂
Sorry for the long rant, here's cake: 🍰5 -
So my girlfriend decided to surprise me with this cake... I'm happy with it but I feel violated as I'm PHP guy not .NET
13 -
Why do people get so unbelievably greedy when there is something for free.
Like "it's a free game server host, let's just create 100 accounts so I can have 100 empty servers"
Or "you can get a free game key if you contribute a lot, so let's just spam until I get the key"
It's so painfully to watch.3 -
Sending one big PDF with character analysises of everyone in the company to all of us, from apprentice to founder. He had even brought cake, but the boss threw it out the window and made the guy leave the moment he read that mail 😂3
-
Yeah Mozilla fuck merit and fuck you too!
This, this is what I was talking about when the fucking CoC came out and everyone (including it's author) started it using it as a political weapon.
You castrated fucking virgins! Mozilla, I want to support you I really don't like chrome but you always manage to disappoint everyone. I'm tired, tired of you morally superior socialists infecting my fucking workplace, entertainment and news.
This is just an excuse for lazy assholes to have their cake and eat it too and it's damn fucking INSULTING to us "minorities", I can work to get nice things just like anyone else bitch! having another skin color is not a disability!
Worst of all, you seem to have straight out millennial retards making these decisions seeing as it's based on an article from a washed up "gender research" professor that thinks Barbie Doctor is problematic, the most biased and dumb source you can possibly pull out of your ass.
Two classmates were murdered this morning, do you really think we care about what your diversity and inclusion Dept thinks it's problematic? You delusional halfwits, the only comforting thought is that your soft bigotry will perish alongside your product when it inevitably diminishes it's quality for sake of "equality".
Want to make better products? Ditch your useless diversity and inclusion department and start optimizing the memory consumption on firefox.
Want to help minorities? Start paying your outsourced developers decently.
I hope this helps people who thought including politics in software development wouldn't have dire consecuences to open their eyes; if not, oh well I guess people will get it when mozilla keeps going down the drain and they get fired because they just outsourced their work in the name of "diversity" just to save money.
https://blog.mozilla.org/inclusion/...
95 -
Inappropriate experience at work? Here is another one:
After 10 years of service the company gives the employee an anniversary party, complete with cake, drinks, etc.
Preparing for a party, HR set the cake in the break-room and left to get the other supplies, in the mean time the IS department manager 'John' walks in, sees the cake and decides to take a slice.
Not a small corner piece you may not notice by smearing the frosting around, but a big piece from the * middle of the cake *.
'Mary' walks in and catches him.
M: "JOHN! The cake is for Eddie's party! Everyone will be here any minute!"
John: "Oh shit!..sorry, let me put it back..."
M: "NO!, you've already eaten some...the cake is ruined!"
<he had icing all over his hands, so he used the cake knife to cut, but used his hands to dig out the slice, so the cake looked pretty tore up>
J:"How was I supposed to know? All I saw was free cake!"
M: "You are on the invite list for Eddie's party! You have 'Happy Anniversary Eddie' on your plate!"
J: "Party isn't until 2:00...<looks at the breakroom clock> oh shit...it's 2"
About that time, several VPs walk in, notice Mary is upset and after finding out, our IS-VP said "John, I'm not happy about this. I want you in my office after the party. You can leave ...now!"
Our IS-VP is almost always emotionless (mostly just happy and in a good mood), it was the first time anyone had seen him this physically angry in years. We don't know how John kept his job.15 -
Yesterday my father called me and asked if I'd have a look at his website to exchange his logo with a new one and make some string changes in the backend. Well, of course I did and hell am I glad I did it.
He had that page made a few years ago by some cousin of a friend who "is really good with computers", it's a small web shop for car parts and, as usual costumer accounts. Costumer Accounts with payment infos.
Now I've seen a lot of bad practices when it comes to handling passwords and I've surely done a few questionable things myself but this idiot took the cake. When a new account was registered his php script would read the login page, look for a specific comment and add a string "'account; password'," below into to a js array. In clear text. On the website. One doesn't even have to breach the db, it's just there, F12 and you got all the log ins.
Seriously, we really need a licensing system for devs, those were two or three years this shit was live, 53 accounts... Now I've gotta decipher this entire bowl of spaghetti just to see if he has done any more unspeakable things.4 -
Starting to wish I never got involved in this industry.
I am working for the most ridiculous, god awful place I have ever had the misfortune of working and I am having a HELL of a time getting out of it because everything wants 5 years fucking exp in some fucking specific framework that is basically the same as every other fucking framework.
Our previous cto was a closeminded totalitarian bully and when she finally left she was replaced by a lecherous fucking dinosaur who has no idea how to code in our code base. He also has barely been showing up to work for the last few months.
For some reason our fucking ceo allows this all to continue and only interjects whenever he can make himself the biggest nuisance (ie design handoffs etc where he has little to no knowledge)
I was already woefully underpaid but was recently 'promoted' to team lead and when I brought up my ridiculous salary (yes I was essentially just funneled into this role) they gave me a neglible raise and ceo told the fucking dinosaur to tell me he 'doesn't like when people ask for raises'
The only reason I am in this position is because we have such ridiculously poor employee retention and I am one of the people after only 2.5 years there that has the ability to provide any kind of knowledge transfer. Most of our dev team consists of people fresh out of school and our code base is just an absolute mess of junior dev spaghetti debauchery.
I have expressed concerns over this and was told that I'm negative and go looking for problems and that 'everywhere is like this'
The ceo has a few people he keeps close because in his words 'they're the only ones who don't disagree with me'
He also refused to hire anyone with experience because they cost too much and he doesn't like people who have opinions.
To make matters worse all the fucking dinosaur does is wander around and talk to the junior devs about video games.
His previous favorite past time was staring at my tits, ranting about his wife and telling me 'he'd offer to give me a back rub but you can't do that now a days'
I caught his fucking wife creeping me on LinkedIn a few months ago for some fucking reason.
Oh and as icing on the cake I had a fucking interview today for an intermediate angular position and a few minutes after I received an email saying that ACCTUALLY they had been informed they were now looking for a senior react dev.
Like seriously what the fuck.62 -
Somehow wk37: At my workplace you get "caked" if you don't lock your computer. Which actually means that its very likely that someone will write in company wide chat that you will bring cake tomorrow. :)9
-
YouTube, I called it. I freaking called it! This is an old story, it was back when Cryptominer via browser became a thing.
Me: "How long do you thing it will take until YouTube advertisements will contain cryptominer?"
IT WAS A F*CKING JOKE YOUTUBE, I DIDN'T KNOW YOUR ADVERTISEMENT POLICIES ARE REALLY THAT BAD!
A month later, after I said it to an friend, I had increased lags with literally anything I was doing. After some days of research (because I didn't pay that much attention to it at first), I could pin down the cause to my YouTube tab in my browser (because I listen to 24/7 music livestreams). And I was like:
Me: "I bet this is because of cryptominer. I bet this is because of cryptominer."
Guess what. About two weeks later YouTube confessed. Cryptominer ads were possible.
I wonder how much money these companies made...4 -
Dear customer,
as our services are completely free and we do not get paid for working, we beg you to understand, that there are some things you have to tolerate.
1. We are DEFINITELY not going to work 24/7 for you and answer immediately anytime. Only because it's 3pm in your country doesn't mean it's 3pm in our country!
2. We will NOT waste any time figuring out your gibberish and translate your language to our language or whatever, you have to be able to understand English anyways because our website and rules and everything is English!
3. Speaking of rules, READ THEM, I'm sick of explaining to you why you are banned, what do you think FAQs are made for?!
4. STOP SPAMMING AND TAGGING ME FFS. First we have a support chat so you can leave a message there and somebody will read it eventually AND SECONDLY I'M NOT THE ONLY SUPPORTER SO STOP BUGGING ME.
5. READ THE FUCKING MESSAGES I WRITE!
geez.. I just lost it for a second... okay.. gotta go now, I got 20 new messages since I started writing this rant.6 -
Manager: "We can't have new releases breaking older versions of the mobile app!!!!! We'll lose all our customers!!!!"
fullStackChris: "That's fine, we can do API versioning, but it will take some time to implement, I'll have to be quite careful and write some tests to implement it. Probably 2-3 weeks..."
Manager: "NO WAY, THAT TIME ESTIMATE IS WAY TOO LONG, WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT!!!"
fullStackChris: "So how do you wanna support multiple versions of the app without doing any sort of versioning?"
Manager: "...we'll think of something!"
Dev: "..."
And with 99% certainty, I expect to hear this in a week or two:
Manager: "fullStackChris, we'd like to introduce you to the highly technical concept, API versioning. It's a way to version the API so we can support multiple versions of the application our customers use! It's amazing! Please implement this immediately so we can support multiple versions of the application!"
Sigh... each day managers learn a bit more how physical reality works... you can't have your cake and eat it too.7 -
Lead dev: Hey boss, you really do like Python right?
Me: No
Lead dev: Well it's cuz I was think....wait what? WTF do you mean no, you have automated a fuckload of BS with Python and we are still using it, why tf would you use Python if you don't like it?
Me: I like it enough for the automation scripts that we have and for parsing documents or generating glue scripts, its already installed in every server that we have, so testing bs in dev and then using them in prod is cake, it doesn't mean I LOVE python, I like it for what we use it.
Lead dev: Well ain't already bash and perl installed as well?
Me: Do you know bash and or perl?
Lead dev: No, don't you?....
Me: No......
L Dev: (using a Jim Carrey impersonation) WELLL ALLRIGTHY THEN! What is the other language that you used for X project?
Me: Clojure, do you remember that one?
* he said paren paren paren paren yes paren i space paren do close paren close paren etc etc
L Dev: (((((((yes (i (do)))))))) and nevermind, I'll get back to working more with Python
Me: das what I fucking thought esse6 -
A company I applied to asked me to make a small CakePHP project to see if i am worthy. I was fairly good with cake so i procrastinated, planning to do it the weekend before the interview.
on that weekend my girlfriend needed help with something so i neglected the company project to help her and later made a half assed one the night before my second interview.
My half assed project couldnt compete with the others so i got ghosted by that company, ended up working in a company across the street from it with twice the salary
to this day i am so glad i didnt get accepted there or id be working for half my current pay.
Procrastination can save careers4 -
My grandmother asked me to help her find an article about a recipe for a chocolate cake. The recipe she wanted was the first result on Google, so I sent her a LMGTFY link (let me Google that for you, a website that writes by itself the word or the sentence). Later on the same day, she said that her laptop was possessed by a ghost.3
-
...ive been on call for 27 minutes. Have had 2 calls already. One "resolved itself as [their] coworker restarted the server on [their] end" and the other didn't realize the page they were trying to load was decommed 2 years ago. They submitted the request.
I'm sick, annoyed already, and don't want to deal with this, but will because it's my job. Kind of. I have to respond to the call, even if it's fucking dumb.14 -
OH. FUCK. OFF.
Really?? A *gaming browser*??
What a sorry attempt at grabbing your first 10 users, Opera. There's a lot of "gaming" gear out there that's nothing more than a double-price gimmick with RGB lights, but this takes the cake.
Absolutely ridiculous. You should be ashamed for making such an abomination.
20 -
If I died, I would have one regret.
I once worked in a code base whose messiness would make an oil spill in the fucking pacific ocean look like spilled milk on the floor in comparison.
Naturally, it had bugs. Oh BOY did it have bugs. Most of them were taken care of well enough. Or about as well as anyone insane enough to work in that code could.
There was just this one bug, which I still (un)fondly call "my bug of 2 years". It. Just. Didn't. Make. Sense.
It was written in JavaScript. Naturally. Which by itself, is the metaphorical programming language equivalent of a pile of horse manure. But this bug. It was the guano icing on top of the horse manure cake which is JavaScript.
I LITERALLY spent 2 years trying to find a solution. I woke up at night, thinking of explanations. I had dreams about fixing the damn thing. And I never did.
On the day I left the job, I had to pass it on to a friend (who hasn't solved the fucker yet either).
I hated that bug with all my heart. But..
Now that I think back, all the books I read, all the docs that I scoured, every non working fix I coded and every failed efforts I made on it, eventually made me a better programmer.
So cherish your bugs and issues. Sometimes, they come, not to hurt you, but to help you grow (unless you use JS, those bugs just wanna fuck you).3 -
Devs are my closest friends and I have learned so much from you all.
They ask some of the best questions, their skill set is ever evolving, they have the real problem solving mindset, they are critical towards any and everything in a good way, and so much more.
There was this thread asking what a bad Product Manager is and this answer takes the cake.
The point highlighted in red is the ultimate truth.
Devs are most innovative people of our times. Big shout-out to you all and thank you for making me who I am today :)
16 -
Attend all the meetings, they said. They're super important, they said. You'll get more code done if we hyper-report on progress they said. The bugs are piling up and we need to have even more meetings, they said.
STOP SAYING THINGS AT ME AND LET ME FUCKING CODE YOU INSUFFERABLE CUNTS.1 -
31st December 2016, I had signed up for devRant.
It's my cake day today. Feels so good to be part of this community, have learned so much, made some of the greatest friends here.
2021 was a mind fuck. Taxing and draining. Very little growth and even less learnings.
I realised that I am in a toxic environment.
Lately, no philosophy, therapy, supplements, activity, work, etc. has been helping me to get back to my original self.
I used to spiral down with a lot of negative self talk and playing the victim card.
Just day before yesterday, I decided to listen to some affirmations on the Tube and that actually helped me bounce back.
I started socialising and stepping out to attend gigs and just be outdoors as much as I could.
My surroundings changed and so did my thought process.
Hence, I made a decision to continue affirmations and slowly change my surroundings, even if that demand domestic relocation.
Things are starting to look positive after a long, loooooong, time.
I also need more sun exposure for my vitamin D3 deficiency and steady dose of serotonin.
I feel lot clear in head and heart. My goals are clearer and I am ready to start working hard and be my original past self again.
I love you all and I really wish you all achive all your wishes and dreams, be happier and healthier in 2022 with ton of success and money.6 -
Want a backend in Node? You got it. PhP using the plethora of frameworks available? No problem.
Feeling like a gipsy guitarrist and want to lay it down with Django? Good taste!
In a hurry and need your startup off the ground with React integration in rails? Piece of cake.
Feeling springy and want you some coffee and Java with your app? A la carte.
Wanna pull my leg and force me to do .net? Mm ok if you insist.
You sure you want Perl with that? Ok no problem.
.....but you sit me and my awesome powers of backend mastery and force me to do css and design all week and you literally destroy my soul......this shit is soul crushing I swear.....7 -
I think I nailed it.
I had an interview on Friday. Never had I ever such a good one. Everything went so smoothly I'm amazed to this moment.
It started pretty much normally. Few questions about me and my CV. Next some soft skills check and few minutes talking in English to make sure I know how to speak.
Next, two funny trick questions. I hope I'll translate them good enough.
1) You've got 6 cups in a row. Three of them, next to each other, are empty. Remaining 3 are full. You've got one movement to make them stand alternately, ie. Full, empty, etc. or Empty, full etc.
2) You've got yourself a cake. Normal, birthday cake in a shape of a cylinder. On three cuts, you have to cut it in 8 equal pieces.
Next was technical interview. The only thing I couldn't answer to was a formula to get angle between camera and two objects on the scene. Something about cos x.
They told me that I was the only recruitee to make project using Hololens SDK. Other people made the images gallery in 2D only.
Also they were VERY impressed that I managed to send them fix that changed a lot of the gallery in an hour. No one was expecting it so fast since the feature wasn't all that simple. Or so they said. Code was written so it wasn't hard to implement this change.
Now I've got to wait at least a week for their response. As you could imagine, I'm nervously checking my email each time I get any spam.
I'd like to thank @fire-phoenix and @Root that were responding to my last posts about this new work tasks and current hardships. I know it's a bit too early to celebrate but I'm just so hyped for how well everything went 😀10 -
I arrived at 8am sharp today, SHARP, I usually arrive 2-3min earlier, so I can start with my actual work at 8am sharp, but traffic was rough and my scooter wouldn't turn on, so I wasn't able to.
Suddenly my boss calls me into his office, being all like "you are late everyday, you won't start work until 5 after 8 yadayada". Wtf?? You know I have a clock on my desk and I always check the clock when I'm arriving at work? (He has security cameras everywhere, so he can actually see me check the clock every morning). This morning I arrived at 8am sharp and the only reason why I started with work late is because he thought it's necessary to remind me to be at work in time. Now he expects me to start with work 5min early everyday, fuck off!18 -
When the boss believes that adding more devs to a project in the last week of a three month stint will "get it out the door faster".
Because baking that cake at twice the temperature for half the time worked so well last time, we'll do it while the oven is rolling down a cliff.4 -
A LOT of this article makes me fairly upset. (Second screenshot in comments). Sure, Java is difficult, especially as an introductory language, but fuck me, replace it with ANYTHING OTHER THAN JAVASCRIPT PLEASE. JavaScript is not a good language to learn from - it is cheaty and makes script kiddies, not programmers. Fuck, they went from a strong-typed, verbose language to a shit show where you can turn an integer into a function without so much as a peep from the interpreter.
And fUCK ME WHY NOT PYTHON?? It's a weak typed but dynamic language that FORCES good indentation and actually has ACCESS TO THE FILE SYSTEM instead of just the web APIs that don't let you do SHIT compared to what you SHOULD learn.
OH AND TO PUT THE ICING ON THE CAKE, the article was comparing hello worlds, and they did the whole Java thing right but used ALERT instead of CONSOLE.LOG for JavaScript??? Sure, you can communicate with the user that way too but if you're comparing the languages, write text to the console in both languages, don't write text to the console in Java and use the alert api in JavaScript.
Fuck you Stanford, I expected better you shitty cockmunchers.
31 -
How my lecturer drilled JS syntax into us:
Write this:
var x = document.element;
x.value = 10;
Instead of this:
document.element.value = 10;
His reasoning:
"You make the cake in the kitchen, you don't put icing on it on your way to present the cake"4 -
*me reading @Alice 's cake recipe
"biscuits violently dismembered"
"dark as our souls."
"slowly and painfully molten butter"
"press your victim tightly against it"
"before it freezes to death"
"Put it into the oven and torture your victim"
"so it fills the hole in its heart"
Well... Wut. Da. Frigging. Heck. I've. Just. Read.8 -
Guy using VPN:
why would anybody use tor unless he hides something?
Me (using Tor):
why would anyone use VPN unless he hides something?
In my opinion there is no difference in using Tor than in using VPN, it's all about privacy. I would consider Tor as an free alternative for your everyday privacy needs, if you can't afford VPN, or am I wrong?22 -
Today is my devRant cake day! 🎂
Thanks everyone for making this community so great! This year on devRant has been so enlightening!1 -
🍰
Today I navigate the devRant oceans for the 157,680,000 second.
Who knew this place would be still pumping some of the greatest devs I've come to appreciate so many years later, it's not the vibrant place it once was, but it's still full of hidden gems.1 -
Hey hackers!
Just found root-me.org !
Cool enough to turn me on.
I've just finished first 8 challangrs which were piece of cake.
Let's see how it goes 😎2 -
Regex.
I HATE YOU.
There. I've said it.
I spent the better part of the last hour trying to wrangle together, not one, but TWO regexes and getting them to work with Python's "re" module.
The worst part about these little shits? It's how well they work once you figure out how to get them to work. For example, pulling a phone number out of a paragraph is difficult with string methods, but cake with regex . . . if you can figure out the pattern.
But I think I'll always have hate in my heart for Regex just for how obtuse and frustrating they can be.
F**k you regex.19 -
Feel free to scroll by if you feel like it.
I am just very excited this evening because with today's commit I have reached a very important milestone in my side-project development. As of today all the [so far] 12 components are all working together and processing the main flow themselves.
No special functions, no test data in the code, nothing like that. A client is able to do its thing now as it should.
I know it doesn't sound like much, but as I'm working on this gigantic beast for 3 years now this milestone is hell of a reward for me!
Just wanted to share :)
edit: f* it! I'm getting a cake!4 -
People fucking think that working for a fucking startup is a fucking cake walk. Every person making 6 figure salaries but no one fucking wants to put in an effort to work slightly harder! Show up at 10 and leave a 4 and yeah v'll get funded. And the worst fucking part is no one wants to check something as simple as fucking work emails after work! Fucking get your acts together or just walk the fuck out the door.
I know work life balance is important but don't expect that when you know the company is treading harsh waters and needs everyone to get their shit together so we get funded!7 -
Holy shit why can't you just work. Stop talking about your kids from 9 am to 5pm with the orther person sitting next to you who clearly wants to get some work done.
Also, good on you for baking a cake and your kid saying this is the best cake. Every kid says that to your parent.
FFS, shut up and work, and let people around you work.
P.S. I need good headphones, preferably in ear wireless buds. I'm waiting for Pixel Buda 2.17 -
Boss: Why did you schedule a party?
Me: newGuy just made his first productive contribution to the group.
Boss: That's great! On that note I'd like you to meet superNewGuy. He's like newGuy but comes with the added bonus of being unfireable!
Me:........... You don't get cake........1 -
So, you ask me for a quote. You know nothing about the technology or the problem, but you think the quote is too high.
On what fucking basis are you assessing the quote? On the number of words? Font? Whether your spouse/cat hates you (both do). Basically, whatever I said, you'd have said it was too high, right?
Fuckwit.
Next time *you* tell *me* how much you have to spend and I'll tell you what you can get for your budget.
Maybe a coffee and a small cake.
Don't fucking call me again.2 -
As a guy studying computer science but working part time as an It support i get a lot of weird questions which can be easily answered by Google or solved by restarting the PC . The cake however goes to the guy with the PhD in physics who called me to his office and said something was wrong with his laptop battery because he was not getting any charge. He was almost panicking because he couldn't afford to lose his files when the PC ran out of juice.
Upon inspection the power was not plugged in.1 -
Co-worker: dude, I need your help!
Me: all yours.
Co-worker: can't fix that sh$t over here.
[IDE]
Err on line~~
badFunction(...);
Me: piece of cake, gimme your keyboard.
[IDE]
Build successeful.
Co-worker: duuude, how did you...???
Me: Better not look.
Co-worker: but I am curious to know, ya know
Me: promise not to scream, k?
Co-worker: I just hope it's none of your old-stylish jokes.
Me: oh dude, you know me for years, trust me, it's fine.
Co-worker: -_-
5 -
Most useless meeting?
I once went to a meeting where people spent half an hour discussing when to reschedule the meeting that we were in because we couldn't have it then even though nobody was absent. The actual rescheduled meeting was also half an hour long, and could have occurred during the time when we discussed when the meeting should occur.
I've been to a lot of useless meetings (I still think that most meetings I attend could have just been an email chain or Slack conversation), but that one takes the cake.3 -
Inappropriate experience at work: One of our project managers got arrested one day for fraud. Apparently an employee had been in the middle of an online purchase and walked away from their desk. He happened to see the unmasked entry of the CC info (this was before websites cared about masking sensitive form inputs). I guess the temptation was too great…and he was too stupid to realize he’d get caught…and he jotted it all down. He made thousands of dollars in purchases which, naturally, eventually led back to him.
The same guy, before he got arrested, had made a joke when someone in an office team email said “Feel free to have some cake in the break room.” He replied “No need to do anything to me for the cake.” His first name was “Free”.4 -
Windows: No internet connection.
Me: Runs troubleshooter.
Windows: Problem found and resolved: Default Gateway Server is not available
Me: Wait.. since when can windows fix user input?!
Windows: Still no internet connection4 -
Fun day, lots of relief and catharsis!
Client I was wanting to fire has apparently decided that the long term support contract I knew was bullshit from go will instead be handled by IBM India and it's my job to train them in the "application." Having worked with this team (the majority of whom have been out of university for less than a year), I can say categorically that the best of them can barely manage to copy and paste jQuery examples from SO, so best of fucking luck.
I said, "great!," since I'd been planning on quitting anyways. I even handed them an SOW stating I would train them for 2 days on the application's design and structure, and included a rider they dutifully signed that stated, "design and structure will cover what is needed to maintain the application long term in terms of its basic routing, layout and any 'pages' that we have written for this application. The client acknowledges that 3rd party (non-[us]) documentation is available for the technologies used, but not written by [us], effective support of those platforms will devolve to their respective vendors on expiry of the current support contract."
Contract in hand, and client being too dumb to realize that their severing of the maintenance agreement voids their support contract, I can safely share what's not contractually covered:
- ReactiveX
- Stream based programming
- Angular 9
- Any of the APIs
- Dotnet core
- Purescript
- Kafka
- Spark
- Scala
- Redis
- K8s
- Postgres
- Mongo
- RabbitMQ
- Cassandra
- Cake
- pretty much anything not in a commit
I'm a little giddy just thinking about the massive world of hurt they've created for themselves. Couldn't have happened to nicer assholes.3 -
The seventh fishcake.
Usually, I buy six fishcakes in the weekly shopping. Today, the seller accidentally put on seven, wanted to put back the seventh, but it fell into the egg salad. She took the fishcake and was about to throw it away because no customer would buy a fish cake with egg salad sauce on it. I intervened in time and bought it to avoid throwing food away.
Afterwards, I thought about how sick and decadent it actually is that it would have been perfectly normal to throw food away just because food was sticking on the food.10 -
Just had an old coworker from a previous job send me some stuff for a php script he was having issues with.
There was too much glory in what he was trying to do: mixing php inside of jquery code, not using strict types would have prevented like 10 issues he was having on his script on another portion, mixing headers, weirdly named variables, poorly constructed, reused db connections, 0 oop or proper dependency management in his code, horrible use of sessions and cookies, O (n²) logic all over the place.
But the cake.....are y'all ready for it? It was code screenshots, not even of just the section, no, the full page, from a windows machine (to make it better he is hosting the application on an IIS server and his configuration was not properly set) but I digress, back to the cake:
He was writing his code inside of wordpad :P
FUCKING WORDPAD
I just politely told him that I was busy at the moment and happily ignored him. Dude is not a good person to begin with imo, for example, he brought the subject of homosexuality during one of our talks after he saw me talking to my bf, who just so happens to be gay, his statement was "I do not understand how there can be gay people when there are women that are so hot"
My comeback was "I do not understand how we can be heterosexual when there are some really attractive dudes out there, see how stupid your logic sounds? attractiveness is not the basis for homosexuality ye dipstick" he let it go after that, but close minded people like that are not really my cup of tea.14 -
>Be me
>Loose job just before Covid started its crap
>About to get new job
>"We'll be in contact after the lock down"
>Fuuuuuuu.jpeg
>Months later, country starts open up little
>Starting to look more proactively again
>Company from before "no positions atm"
>Really liked that place, so Fuuuuuuu.jpeg again
>Talking to recruiter, they have something in mind
> Need assessment. Understandable
>They send a separate assessment for every single language on my CV and the cake thief thing
>NotImpressedMikalya.jpeg2 -
TIFU by deploying not one, but two major releases to production at 5pm on a Friday. I trusted my testers, so one of the applications had a major bug in it. I just worked through a child's surprise party. hope the testers are having a lovely evening with their loved ones.1
-
We had some cake in the office today. They think we're celebrating someone's birthday, when in fact I'm secretly celebrating me deleting 33k lines of code instead 😁1
-
If only I knew about the manga like that during my university times... Math could have been a piece of cake.
Manga guide series includes 40 books
Including manga guide to databases.
Closest more professional level same level friendly, would be head first series
8 -
Obligatory age++ post.
For a change I feel really appreciated after receiving a bottle of wine, a bottle of jack, $50 gift card, a deluxe chocolate cake and 12 muffins from my coworkers 😁
So they do care after all 😢4 -
Recently I got an E-Mail from PayPal.de with the headline "Your account gets limited". Fun Fact: I don't have a PayPal account.
This Mail got me curious though, as it couldn't be a phishing mail, since I don't have a PayPal account in the first place, so I opened the e-mail just to get greeted by pure emptiness. It was completely empty. I thought to myself "oh no, is this some sort of new trick? Did I get infected by some sort of a weird hacky backdoor trojan already?!"
Name: PayPal.de
Original E-mail Address: NULL (never seen this before)
I then realized, that Thunderbird blocked the only content from this mail: a clickable image.
This is getting even more confusing the longer I examine this unique mail. The image is showing me a domain from a site completely unrelated from PayPal, so it was obviously no phishing, but I didn't trust this clickable image, so I looked up its hidden link to find an even more confusing redirection to not a picture upload site like the image suggests, but to a game key reselling site instead, like wtf? What was the whole point of this whole e-mail? Was this a weird try to make advertisements for more than one website? It wasn't even a ref-link or something like that. It was just weird, iunno.
8 -
Most awkward work event story?
I haven't had many of those tbh. because I've been WFH last 3 years.
One that I remember was my birthday celebration at a company I worked at in 2019. The boss was hostile towards everybody and paid dog shit salaries. So the work environment wasn't the most uplifting and positive.
So anyway, The boss got a cake and rounded everybody up around me chanting Happy Birthday song to me.
Already awkward, but what made it more awkward was the fact that nobody else was clapping/singing other than the boss.
I looked at everybody and saw the depressed smiles on their faces. I'm glad it only lasted 5 mins.3 -
I had my last day today, after signing an severance package deal some weeks ago. It has been eight long years in this news media company as a sole web developer.
Leaving it behind feels awesome.
There was cake. There was a greeting written with a marker on the cardboard box the cake was delivered in. There were no speeches.
But my by now X coworkers seemed happy to get cake.
I am so excited to start fresh next year as a developer in a small design firm where there is a lot of care and love and nerdiness.1 -
!rant
So we just had our engagement party and I figured at least a good portion of you would appreciate the cake :)
The story behind is also linked to how I proposed by giving her a Pebble watch...
2 -
First draft of motivation letter done.
... Now, I'm gonna go cry in a corner and eat cake. In no particular order.6 -
I absolutely love baking cakes and i absolutely hate eating cakes. Now hiring a professional cake-eater, hit me up.9
-
bro just learn C bro I promise it's all smooth sailing bro haha lol just take up HTML with CSS bro its a piece of cake bro what bro lol just start coding up differential equations with numpy library haha its so simple bro just start with Ruby bro it will take only couple days bro what lol bro take this aeronautical course on how to code an airplane simulation bro its so simple bro just start algorithms on cryptography bro its so easy i cant bro just start writing drivers for printers bro haha lol just start writing a bootloader for a new Linux distro bro lol haha easy bro just make a billion dollar company bro haha its so simple.
keep going bro haha invent your own JS framework over a billion existing ones haha bro typescript is so easy bro lol what u say take up redis bro go from the first command bro learn mongodb and mysql together bro its so simple.
but bro don't try to master JS bro .. u will regret it forever bro.5 -
Why does the Snapchat ad for a "blender cake" have to have a trailer involving blending rubber ducks? Do they not know how useful those are????1
-
Yeah I get what the intention was but like... why? I feel there are way better ways to do this
(Ps. I've become the pic post guy)
8 -
Long story short a guy texted me on Xing, he had an interesting idea, I joined in and now we are founding a startup.
Short story long, a guy texted me on Xing. I usually don't give a fuck because there always just fucktards that want to offer me modern enslavement. No thanks you lifeless greedy hamsters! (no offense) This time was different though. It was not the usual kind of words and the idea sounded pretty awesome. So I gave it a try.
We met in a Café and talked about the idea and about my role in it. It went pretty well and we basically had a nice little chat, coffee and cake.
I was still not convinced. It sounded to good to be true. Why would something like this ever happen to me? You know that kind of feeling. It was like "Hopefully I'm not selling my soul to the devil now."
We now work on the project, already have 5 customers and are a step before the first financial investment. I'm pretty amazed how that turned out!
Now to disappoint you a bit more (or maybe to give you hope?) All I've worked so far (except that one little one-year internship) happend by, me talking to someone that had a job, me being honest about what I want and me rejecting anything that runed my guts inside out. That's it. I never really applied for something. I just get to know the people and with that comes the opportunity. Just be respectful, curious and honest. The others will notice. Chances rise that you'll find something you love todo.4 -
I'm so fed up of this shitty ultra-ortodox industry
I've worked on many different projects, been in many different teams. It's an ever changing industry, but, surprisingly, it's so orthodox. Dev industry nowadays have some rules, that everybody adopts them as "best practices". You have to work on pull requests, and several of your teammates have to review your shit (as if they have nothing better to do).
I'm sick of people using fucking DTOs in shitty frameworks like Laravel. Using DTOs in Laravel is like putting mustard in a fucking chocolate cake.
I'm so fed up of SPAs and node.js. I've yet so see a single SPA that handles jwt tokens correctly. I'm tired of spending hours and hours, days and days, struggling with thousandls of layers of abstractions instead of being productive and getting the shit done.
Because end customers don't give a shit about your "best practices": They have a problem and you are getting paid for it to be solved, not for spending hours and hours struggling with stupid Javascript and its crazy async nature and their crappy libraries.
Damnit. I say. Now. I now feel better. Thanks for listening :)14 -
!rant
Does anyone have an idea about a nice goodbye message to write on cakes for my last day on my summer job?
Requirements:
- Should be short enough so I can write it with a choco pen on 20 cakes of about 10cm each.
- Should be about me leaving (I worked on a terminal application in qt c++)
- Should have something to do with programming17 -
I will start my own companies:-
A.I. Job Centre (true A.I. would get bored of their employer and search for greater challenges)
A.I. Counselling (dev life)
A.I. Pornsites (because all A.I. should have a binary life of work and play <3)
A cake factory (so the cake is not a lie)
A.I. devRant (to lower their work efficiency)
I then use the funds from the above to hire a team and we'd develop a flawless Wannacry for A.I. (for a dementia like effect)
You can all have your jobs back and you're welcome. -
frameworks are great and all but it gets much harder to google stuff. a lot of people use php, not that many use cake7
-
TL;DR;
I was asked to give estimation on an app, that:
1. No one has a clue what it does, even though there is v1 on the store with almost 10% of functionality working
2. No one has a clue what should be in the new rewritten version
3. We are already behind schedule and I have no clue why, I've just been told that
4. They need UI flow that shows how the app will work with static data and when API's are ready (because ya know, writing code is easier than creating wireframes and modifying them accordingly) I will then need to link app with API as if it is as simple as drinking a cup of water, especially that: 1. What is water? 2. Do I have a cup or is it given, and 3. Relax bro, drinking water is like eating a burger, piece of cake!
I'm not sure what to do, not enough that it's React Native but also spaghetti requirements that no one was able to answer my simple question: What is the app responsible of?
P.S.: Some say I must rewrite the old app ONLY, no new features, others say: Turn the new web portal into mobile app, I say: WTF is going one?5 -
!dev
Just took out my four wisdom teeth at once. I can't feel my face, I look like a balloon and I'm drooling like I'm about to eat a delicious cake.
Except the cake is a fucking lie, my mandibular joints are hurting and I can't eat solids for a week.
At least I only have one postoperative to contend with. Hurray! 🙃6 -
I was playing kitchen with my niece today and we were baking a cake. After she put it in the toy oven, without thinking, I spat out:
"How long do you think it will build for?"
I've never seen such a confused look 😂 -
Can you rant about yourself?
I was reading about the AWS outage, with little to no interest. I didn't know what it was and thus figured it wouldn't affect me.
Some time goes by and I come up with this 300++ vote post. I'm witty, I'm smart, but when I want to upload a photo it doesn't work.
Must be the app right? I restart, nope nothing. Whatever..
Sometime later I have a dashing new photo for tinder. Surely to give me all the matches. Nope, can't upload it.
Must be my phone or Internet then.
Restart everything, nothing is working. Complete madness, no devRant upvotes and I'm still single.
I surrender, give up. Which is one of the worst things to do for me as a dev.
Today. Which is the cherry on the cake. I finally see my connection to the incident. I feel stupid and annoyed by myself.
God dammit Julian, pay attention.
</rant>2 -
programming is not a piece of cake that you come and eat.
friend of mine thinks programming is so simple.
fuck you who think its easy it takes hours of dedication6 -
Question for the old timers: is it possible to work as a dev for the rest of your life and be happy?
.
.
.
Does it get any better or is dev burnout baked into the business model of every company?
The CEO flat out admitted it was exactly that where I'm at a few weeks ago 😞16 -
Today, a freelance javascript developer at my office told me that he designed a new website for one of his customers. I was intrigued that he is also designing and was very interested.
He showed me some images and I asked how he designed it. I thought he would come up with Figma, Sketch or whatever software, but he showed me the AI prompt.
I told him that he did not design it, but AI did that, prompting AI is not designing. He did not agree and rephrased it as "I made this".
After I said "But if I go to a bakery and ask for a cake with some nice decorations, and the baker is making that, I did not make the cake". He angry said, "You don't understand AI," and put his earplugs in and isn't talking to me since.
Prompting an AI is not creating. The AI/computing power with it's context is creating your stuff..18 -
Everyone come and brutally fuck and kill me for today I have sinned.
My SO asked me to buy a durian cake and I did. I am saving myself from taking a cab since the locations are a bit far off. So yeah 😥
I'm that guy on a public commute with a fuck load of smell package. 😭
I wish I can apologize to everyone on bus 😓21 -
So TripleByte ended in rejection though they gave very detailed feedback and specific areas and even resources to look at. 👍
But it seems I'm not going to be able to escape algorithms in interviews so I'm not getting a new job anytime soon, even in tech.
So the only thing left to try in order to get my cake seems to be joining an open source project. -
I don't know if this is a problem only in Belgium or also in other countries but while I love Bluetooth for audio playback (headsets, speakers and everything) despite being extremely convoluted as a protocol.. FUCK Bluetooth keyboards.
Several of them I've tried. Several of them, from various brands. Pairing, setting the Belgian keyboard layout (which on that shitty Android 7.0 tablet that I want to use the fucking things with apparently has to be done *every fucking time you connect*, because reasons) all well. Except half the keys don't fucking map properly. A keymap, it doesn't get easier than that! How hard is it to make buttons map to the right keys!? They're literally fucking push buttons on a matrix! Seeing which points in the circuit make contact and sending that off to wherever it needs to go!
And to put the icing on the cake? USB keyboards with the same fucking layout settings work without any problems. So it's extremely likely that it's something in those shitty keyboards' controllers or Bluetooth going full rart on all of them.
Of course, Bluetooth being as convoluted as it is, manufacturers just copy each others' implementations of it if they can.. so there's that.
Can really nobody make a product halfway decent anymore before putting it on the market!?
Another one bites the dust.. JUNK!!! Every single goddamn one of them!1 -
Compiling software on Linux:
Python interpreter? Easy peasy, just some dependencies here and there. Make does a good job.
Linux kernel? Piece of cake, 20 years of development will be freshly served on your machine after one hour compiling (I have a pretty powerful computer).
Tensorflow? Fuck this shit I am outta.
What is your story with self-built software? Which piece of code has the most terrible dependency hell?5 -
Piece of shit cake. I'll stab you in the goddamn virtual neck with a screwdriver. Not get my nuget packages. Go fuck yourself in your fat fucking ass. Goddamn, who automated this build process. I did. Fuck me.5
-
I like to use programmer logic in everyday conversations, especially with not programmers, like
They: would you like coffee or cake?
Me: yes
The real question is "would you like coffee xor cake?"4 -
Rant from a previous gig I just remembered that reignited my fury lol
Suddenly, CSV exports became massively critical to our product's success. "They were always part of the plan, if we don't have them the product is a failure". Plot twist, they were NOT always part of the plan. And our backend is not at all designed for querying the combinations of data you're asking for.
Nevermind we've been entirely focused these last few months on making the new user experience as slick as possible because "our customers want cake, not meat and potatoes". Forget the fact that, in order to meet the deadlines, my team coupled the backend a little too much with the needs of the frontend because otherwise integrations took too long. We NEED fucking CSV exports of everything you can fucking imagine.
No. Fuck you. If you want it, it's gonna take at least 2 engineers and a month, and according to you we only have a few weeks of runway. No, I'm not compromising jack shit, this is the reality we live in. This is going to go nuclear in production if we don't do it right. Either give us the month and bankrupt the company, or fucking drop it.
Or...you could go cry to the frontend team for solutions. And convince them to page through ALL of the data and generate CSVs in the fucking browser. Sure, it sort of works in QA with the miniscule amount of data we have there, but how'd that work out for you in prod?
Jesus fucking christ why are you people such incompetent morons, and how the fuck did you become executives??2 -
If hiring managers really want to hire based on skill, what they should be doing is testing for one thing:
The ability to take a specification, written in general language, notice deficiency, communicate with the 'client' (manager) to hash out what needs done, and the (explicit) ability to read documentation on libraries or tooling outside the dev's core skillset.
If a dev can read a spec, talk to a client to work out whats lacking, and then identify what they need to know and where to find it, thats 90% of the skills they need from what I can see.
tl;dr version of it, is they should be explicit about the requirements for reading/implementing specs and finding the correct documentation.
Something along the lines of
"can you form your letters? Are you able to follow instructions on the back of a cake box? Then there may be a position waiting for you!"8 -
Couple of jobs back we got bought out by that massive shipping company with the red and yellow colors.
We used macs and some high up moron decided it was a good idea to put on domain policy restrictions on our macs, but developers can't work without admin access so if we wanted to keep said admin access, we had to sign a written agreement indicating that we were not allowed to do certain thing, like change our wallpaper or install personal music players, you know like Spotify, which at the time was what most of us used.
Now this was just a nice cherry on the cake of stupid descision that was making me rethink working there. Thanks to the high demand for skilled front ends, it was 11 am when we got this, 3pm I had comnfirmed my interview for the next day.
An hour later our manager called us all in to explain this was BS formalities. Well too fucking late, learn to communicate you dumb shit.1 -
This happened a couple months ago, but I wanted to share this one, since it still baffles me.
We were hiring and had this weird candidate. The team said no to the guy after the interview, management still hired him and pressured us to train him, which cost us tons of hours we had to somehow squeeze in during a hot phase of our project.
After almost 3.5 weeks training he had to hand in a small component. What he handed in was brainlessly duplicated, half of the stuff in there wasn't even used, the other half wasn't working properly. At the review we asked questions about the code he handed in - he could not answer one of them.
We then had a big argument with management to let the guy go, which they eventually unhappily agreed to.
The icing on that cake of a story: Turns out, the guy was hired as a senior dev with a way higher paycheck than most of the devs on the team. Wtf?!9 -
Honestly, I spent years trying to make the most out of every functionality that the languages provided... After 7 years of that, last 3 I only use the most basic things and I can say: it is far superior to keep things simple. I'm making deadlines in a third of expected time, debugging is a piece of cake, and adding new features usually takes about 5 minutes thanks to very simple and straightforward design.
TL;DR: Keep It Simple Stupid
#kiss #suckless1 -
Anyone who says/thinks software development is just piece of cake and these IT guys have magic wands should be quarantined for the rest of their lives. :-/6
-
Now this looks stupid already, but here is the kicker: by "partially hydrated cursor" i mean that once every page size an sql query is ran to get the next page content. This code is put in an event handler, executed once every time a file is uploaded in a dms where files get uploaded by the thousand.
To sum things up, this simple snippet achieves triple dipping:
* waste time on useless sql queries
* waste cpu on useless iterations
* waste disk space on useless logs
Icing on the cake, the author of this piece of shit was complaining about the overall slowness of the process.
Needless to say that when I stumbled on this, both internal *and* external screaming ensued...
4 -
I recently started learning C++, thanks to Javidx9, he has one of the best YouTube channels I've ever seen, but learning it feels like every step I make I shoot my leg in the most painfull way, and every fifth step I get a massive cake.
I am very happy I already know C or I would've been completely lost.
Nevertheless, I love C++ very much6 -
I am learning java at school and my teacher asked me to make a work on JTA (java transaction API). There's not a lot of tutos on it on the web so I say to myself "go on, give it a try, you'll only learn by trying."
I finally find how to make the @TransactionType, where to put the @Stateless, my test works, nice. Finally I want to try a case where it shouldn't work, just to be sure the rollback works well. The test goes and... NullPointerException. Wtf ! Normally, my catch is supposed to, well, catch the error !
And finally, I was just stupid. My catch worked great. But I put a "throw e" inside.
Now I wanna hides under blankets, cry, eat cake and never see my coworkers again.2 -
Separation of concerns is a beautiful thing.
JSX is fucking ugly. Fuck that shit. I hate JSX with a passion.
Here is one. Did you know that the digestive system works really hard to digest the food eaten?
How about we blend all the food before consuming it? Take a blender and add a cup of coffee, add some salad, add a piece of cake, a few slices of pizza, hot sauce and for good measure add some juice, or whatever-you-eat-for-lunch.
After all, all that food is going to get mixed anyway. This is more efficient!
No? Why not? Because it's ugly, highly unappetizing, disgusting even, and it takes away the pleasure of eating, the enjoyment of a good meal.
That in a nutshell is JSX: mashing up everything together under the pretext of efficiency.
Web development not only is an art, but above all must be enjoyable to those who devote their lives to it. And ugly ain't gonna cut it.11 -
Started a job as a full stack developer. My first task was shocking! Do these small edits on this backend script that collects stuff from one database and edits the entries in another... piece of cake so far!
Here is the project on the TFS...
HOLD ON! IS THIS VISUAL BASIC?!!
I came here to do .Net framework development and .Net Standard... I wasn’t told that there will be VB, I have never used vb.net before.
Now... that I’m going to maintain this script in the future, I decided to rewrite it in C#, few things I learned on my journey of doing this:
1- There is an access modifier in VB called Friend
2- There is a data structure/type called Collection, it’s a value,key pair! Not key value pair... Value first, then key!!
3- Do you know how null is null everywhere?!! In VB they call it Nothing! Yes, as in...
if(myVar == nothing)
{
//stuff
}
Asking the guy responsible for that choice... he thinks VB is easier to read than C#
I DONT WANT YOU TO READ IT, I WANT IT TO MAKE SENSE AND WORK WITH THE REST OF THE C# CODE WE HAVE!!9 -
Random thought:
I rarely see emojis on devrant and most of the time I see them, they are used in a rather cringe-full way. There are some posts however, which use emojis in a way I like, for example to replace the client's name.
But my favorite emoji is still the shrug emoji, not the Unicode shrug emoji, but the *real* shrug emoji. ¯\_( ツ)_/¯10 -
Why is it that virtually all new languages in the last 25 years or so have a C-like syntax?
- Java wanted to sort-of knock off C++.
- C# wanted to be Java but on Microsoft's proprietary stack instead of SUN's (now Oracle's).
- Several other languages such as Vala, Scala, Swift, etc. do only careful evolution, seemingly so as to not alienate the devs used to previous C-like languages.
- Not to speak of everyone's favourite enemy, JavaScript…
- Then there is ReasonML which is basically an alternate, more C-like, syntax for OCaml, and is then compiled to JavaScript.
Now we're slowly arriving at the meat of this rant: back when I started university, the first semester programming lecture used Scheme, and provided a fine introduction to (functional) programming. Scheme, like other variants of Lisp, is a fine language, very flexible, code is data, data is code, but you get somewhat lost in a sea of parentheses, probably worse than the C-like languages' salad of curly braces. But it was a refreshing change from the likes of C, C++, and Java in terms of approach.
But the real enlightenment came when I read through Okasaki's paper on purely functional data structures. The author uses Standard ML in the paper, and after the initial shock (because it's different than most everything else I had seen), and getting used to the notation, I loved the crisp clarity it brings with almost no ceremony at all!
After looking around a bit, I found that nobody seems to use SML anymore, but there are viable alternatives, depending on your taste:
- Pragmatic programmers can use OCaml, which has immutability by default, and tries to guide the programmer to a functional programming mindset, but can accommodate imperative constructs easily when necessary.
- F# was born as OCaml on .NET but has now evolved into its own great thing with many upsides and very few downsides; I recommend every C# developer should give it a try.
- Somewhat more extreme is Haskell, with its ideology of pure functions and lazy evaluation that makes introducing side effects, I/O, and other imperative constructs rather a pain in the arse, and not quite my piece of cake, but learning it can still help you be a better programmer in whatever language you use on a day-to-day basis.
Anyway, the point is that after working with several of these languages developed out of the original Meta Language, it baffles me how anyone can be happy being a curly-braces-language developer without craving something more succinct and to-the-point. Especially when it comes to JavaScript: all the above mentioned ML-like languages can be compiled to JavaScript, so developing directly in JavaScript should hardly be a necessity.
Obviously these curly-braces languages will still be needed for a long time coming, legacy systems and all—just look at COBOL—, but my point stands.7 -
Me to QA: I need an urgent signature.
QA: That costs a cake.
Me: If we baked cake at our company, that would have too much sugar, and we would use more salt as workaround.4 -
I was working yesterday, writing a calculus with sql.
My very great user explained to me the math in Excel. I first though to myself, piece of cake, i got it.
Then I started typing and at the end of the day i had 6 temp tables which at some point need to join with themselves. It was just hilarious. each table had at least 4 millions rows.
Then I started a new query just for validating the output of me very ugly previous queries.
And I fucking found a easier way to get the same output with 3 joins of 3 different tables and a count at the end.
When you love yourself. but hate yourself at the same time.
xD it was a very productive Friday night2 -
Designing the schematics for a cake I'm about to make
Update soon!
Can anyone guess what it's gonna be? It's gonna be a 3d model made from slices
7 -
So our junior dev constantly asks really obvious things. But this one question really takes the cake.
So we have a small programm that opens a file browser and puts the selected files path in a line edit text box. So he comes over to me and says its broken because he cant edit the path in the text box. Weird, this shouldnt happen at all. Turns out this more than braindead tortoise thought it was just a regular piece of uneditable text and didnt even try to edit it. Its a FUCKING OBVOIUS EDITABLE TEXTBOX!!!!!
I facepalmed so hard that moment you could hear the slap half a mile away!7 -
Let's Americanize idioms:
1. Break the ice — Open the wallet
2. Bite the bullet — Pay the price
3. Hit the nail on the head — Count the exact change
4. Let the cat out of the bag — Drop a dime
5. Piece of cake — Easy money
6. Costs an arm and a leg — Break the bank
7. Under the weather — In the red
8. The ball is in your court — The check is in your hands
9. Burn the midnight oil — Spend the last dollar
10. Hit the sack — Cash in for the night
11. Barking up the wrong tree — Investing in a bad stock
12. When pigs fly — When money grows on trees
13. Kick the bucket — Cash out
14. Spill the beans — Drop a coin
15. Break a leg — Make a fortune
16. Pull someone's leg — Shortchange someone
17. Once in a blue moon — Once in a financial windfall
18. A blessing in disguise — A hidden treasure
19. The best of both worlds — A double dividend
20. Caught between a rock and a hard place — Between a loan and a hard debt13 -
I was once handed a very old PHP project that I had to make some changes to. I thought it would be a piece of cake. But the moment I looked at the code, I knew it wasn't going to be easy. It was so poorly written, it took me hours to figure out what was actually going on. Now these were the times when I was already quite disturbed mentally and emotionally, and this shitty PHP code only made it worse. At one point, I was like, fuck this shit I'm gonna quit this job.
Thankfully, the client soon emailed that the requested changes weren't needed anymore.
I personally have nothing against PHP. I have created some amazing stuff with it. But it's the programmers that don't follow the best practices that piss me off. I mean, how fucking hard can it be to write clean code. You might save your time today by taking shortcuts but you'll make life hell for the people who might have to maintain your code in the future. -
Back from the dead with more vaguely-obscure technical bullshit
Working on a chatbot for my BS-CS. Almost done with college, so the assignment is to make a bot that recommends you a CS career. Cool.
I get through making a joint personality and skill-interest quiz that gives you number grades on different spectra. So far, so good. But this project has to be done entirely in pandorabots' online editor. So no scripting. Zero scripting. 100% markup language. That means to even do math, you need to copy a standard library off GitHub.
I mean, that's fine and all, but the syntax is just atrocious, because everything in AIML is input->response. If you ask the bot "what is 5+5?" you must have it go:
- recognize pattern WHAT IS * + *
-> redirect -> XADD * XS *
-> do math -> recurse result
-> 10
uncomfy. Plus, variables can only be accessed through <get> and <set> tags. But mangeable.
So here's where the story becomes a rant.
In the standard docs, there's all these math functions, and they work. There's also logic.
And then there's this fucker
XIF [ * ] XS [ * ]
Which has no documentation and just doesn't work. No idea what the brackets mean. Tried putting in TRUE, tried putting in true math statements (5 XEQ 5), tried putting in recursion tags to trick it, tried everything. It just ignores it.
There is not a single comment, stackOverflow post, or youtube video that even acknowledges the existence of this thing.
So unless I want to convert the entire logic of my program into nested SWITCH statements with the <condition> tag, I'm just fucked.
The icing on the cake is, I go to tech support on Pandorabots to ask for help with this. What do they have except a chatbot to cheerfully tell me that no humans are around to help me right now?
gonna have to build an entire fuckin turing machine in markup tags to calculate whether x = 3
(:1 -
Programmer Birthday Cake quote ideas anyone?
At the moment all we could come up with was:
printf("%d\n", ++(betty->age));
But it's just so cliche.4 -
Today, a video appeared online of a game called StoneHearth, which is currently in open Alpha.
The video is about adding multiplayer functionality to this (originally) singleplayer game.
'Tony' is a hero! Because he initially designed the singleplayer game according to a strict client-server model, adding multiplayer is now a piece of cake. Good thinking there.
The structure of the game even made it harder for developers to hack around it, than just to follow the model. That is awesome. Kudos to Tony!
https://youtube.com/watch/...1 -
I just hate wordpress. Whenever I have to touch it, makes me nervous.
This time I just have to put some html/css. I was thinking it's piece of cake.
Couldn't be more wrong. This fucker is adding extra tags to my code fucking up what made...1 -
How do you get over the bad times? I keep having to work with shitty legacy systems that were written in perl and flash in the 90s, but my boss keeps telling me "No" on redoing some of the bigger stuff even though it is really needed. I mean, that is your goal here, right? Rebuilding this POS? FFS you still stored passwords in plain text twoo weeks ago! But no, you's rather dig around in Perl than upset some random user because his fucking interface looks different.
But then I also have to work with another system that I could redo in Cake/Laravel in two weeks (it's literally getting and writing data to one table, so two views and user auth), and the previous dev just... made a huge mess. I mean, why would you need to post data asynchronously when it's this one stupid form ? Just do a regular form submit? And the system is really not suitable for extending, because everything is in the database, EVERYTHING! Like, html form inputs? So to add a simple input to the template I have to create a new input type in the types table and then add that to the form structure table? Only to have the input checked by fucking regex? REGEX! Why? Seriously, this is not some high end CMS that needs this level of code reusability No. This is a simple fucking form.
And I can't get it to work. No documentation of course. No comments, either. All of this makes me feel like I'm just the shittiest dev ever. I feel dumb, and useless. Haven't turned on my private PC in weeks because I see no reason to work on any of my own stuff.
I used to have a job, working with Magento and Wordpress. And yeah, it was horrible, it was chaos, but it was fun and I was great at it. I bent that motherfucking system to fit my needs. People respected my opinion, they were convinced I could program this and that, and I proved them right. Did I make mistakes? Hell yeah. Did I give up? Fuck no!
But now, I just feel like I can't even write a simple fucking form any more. I'm just so close to giving up on development as a whole, even though I love it so much.5 -
TLDR; College group projects suck, not because the work, but the people in your group will make or break you. Fuck having 1 week to do this assignment.
Sometimes working with other students on group projects is great, they actually know how to create a merge a git branch. I've had a decent partner once during my 3 years at university so far. This last project takes the cake on idiots I've worked with...so far at least... It was me and two others, we'll call them Thing1 and Thing2 for now. Anyway so the 3 of us had a week to implement a very rudimentary Invoice system; fine, easy enough. We divided up the work and 'started'.
All seemed to be going well, no complaints or cries for help all week. Until 4 hours before we submit the assignment; Thing 1 sends me a DM saying all of Thing 1's work is useless full of bugs and just shouldn't be integrated with the rest of the code. Umm fine? I guess? wtf?! why did this have to come out last minute?! We could have explained to Thing 1 what's going on and gotten him/her up to speed on everything. Believe it or not, I was sorta ok with this? I mean thing 1 hadn't pushed anything to the repo yet. I mean literally nada, Thing 1 is a collaborator on the repo that has contributed nothing. Seeing as how Thing 1 was contributing nothing I had already started to cover our ass a began Thing 1's work.
That's not even what's pissed me off... at least thing 1 had the gall to message me to say "idk..wtf is going on...continue without me". Thing 2 arguably made my time with the project worse. His code was nothing but garbage...every time...literally spent more time deciphering his incoherent bullshit more than I did rewriting his mess. I shit you not he wrote out this method, and tells the group he's "finally got it fixed and working":
public static float updateTotal(float newValue)
{
total = updateTotal(newValue);
return total;
}
How tf did he test this to see if its working?! I'm a novice and can already see the infinite loop here. You called your method within that method's own definition, what did you expect to happen.
I managed to get things 75% working and turned in 5 mins before the cut off.
Thankfully Thing 1 emailed the Proff as well, hopefully he won't tank my grade too bad. I'm so glad to be done with this assignment, fingers crossed there's no more group work.4 -
Just set up my own IoT device for free thanks to the guys at Losant.
I met them at codestock a couple years ago. They were running a workshop with some Adafruit boards and at the time I had never seen anything like Arduinos before. I was fascinated. So I walked up and asked about it. They said they sold the chips just to demo their IoT stuff. I said I'd buy one. I then waited like 40 minutes for them to get their card reader working. They gave up and handed it to me, gratis. That started my dive into electronics from programming.
Few years later, I needed a remote temperature sensor to make sure a certain unattended appliance never got below freezing. I suddenly remembered that kit (now buried under my heaping stash of electronics), followed the tutorials, and had the exact thing I needed up and running in like a few hours, with all the bells and whistles I could want. And for free.
The icing on the cake here? I went on their website to look at a kit to replace it. I found one with even more goodies in it, and the entire kit cost less than the cost to go to adafruit and buy just the board alone.
Thanks Losant for being awesome. If you wanna do IoT anything, look em up. -
!dev
People these days...
At a bakery 3 girls didn't bother to clean up after themselves although the only thing left to do was to t aske the tray and dump it's contents into the trash can WHICH IS ON THEIR WAY OUT. Yeah but have enough time to cake on rediculous amounts of makeup...
Someone literally shat at the tram stop at the main station so whenever took leave the tram you might just step into it.
Then there are always those religious people trying to hand out pamplets about how great their religion is and how much it is helping- they stand right next to a crippled homeless begger.
Just wow.9 -
We were 4 dudes developing this little disposable material management system for a course in college, and we had to write documentation and present on the last day of class. Second week into the course and one dude goes rouge, not taking phonecalls nor replying to messages, just goes to class and does not get together with us to make progress. Neddless to say the other three of us had to do all the work. Fast forward to last day, all of us wondering where this dude could be. He shows up 6 mins before the presentation, already late, reads like 3 pages of the doc, and decides he will be the lead presenter.
>Mfw he takes over and starts bs'ing the whole thing.
>Mfw he mentions the possibility of the system to be extrapolated to manage salami in a butchery.
>Mfw the professor seemed to have swallowed all that bs like cake.
>Mfw we get an A, including him.
>Mfw I have no face4 -
Quick and probably duplicate.
One fucking more time someone comes to me and interrupts me, I swear if it's not important, or chitchat, or something easly googlable, or something you could ask literally anyone else or something that isn't even my shit to handle, I will give the unlucky bastard 30 minute lesson to not fucking interrupt me when Im trying to focus first half of fucking day to do one fucking thing.
What the fuck.
What, should I print big fucking A2 formated poster and stick next to my workstation "If you came here to interrupt me, think if you really need to"?
E:
And no, I dont know where the fuck is your excel file.
And no, I dont give a shit when Im coding that there is cake avail for workers today.
And no, for fucks sakes I dont have time for chitchat, I have deadline on me once again and Im doing something I dont have much expirience in so please leave me fucking alone.7 -
It's only August but I already know what I'll be thankful for come Thanksgiving:
1. Our next president.
2. Integration tests.1 -
Me: I should divide my project in small parts. It will be a piece of cake.
Also me: (on last day of submission) 76 commits in 34 minutes.
*Face Palm* 🤦♂️1 -
a bet:
this birthday, i will get:
lemon glutenfree cake (if any) because mom can't have gluten and sister likes lemon cake. i hate both of those. but that's irrelevant as it always was.
if any, then gifts will be anything except cigarettes which is basically the only thing within price range they're willing to spend, that i would actually be happy about.
birthday is just an artificially glorified ordinary day. and i'm not the type to do hysterics to artificially glorify it. and it's fine. but then, why are they artificially glorifying it while unwilling to actually glorify it properly, as in, glorify it for me?
pick fucking one. artificially glorify it, in which case, FOR ME, or just don't give a fucking shit same as i don't.
but why are you artificially glorifying it for the purpose of ignoring me and glorifying everything exactly in spite of me, without even being aware that you're doing that?
like seriously, what? make your "i love not you, but my daughter" day, as an extra to her birthday. i don't give a shit, i'm happy you have a nice relationship. but doing all of the "i love my daugther day" shit on my birthday, AND PRETENDING IT WAS DONE FOR MY BIRTHDAY, FOR ME, and being sad about me being sad that all you did "for me" was in fact for yourself and for everyone else, that's the combo that gets me.
"oh why u making me so sad by being so sad that i ignored everything you like and kept telling me you like for the past X years and i just ignored it because it's not my nor your sister's preference?"
guess why, you fucktard. how about you ignore the day next time instead of making it an unconscious (that's the worst, that they don't even realize it) mockery of the day.
"oh why are you sadand shitty feeling that we made this bullshit ignorable "celebrate you" day about ignoring everything that celebrates you, and made it into the opposite instead? why are you so demanding and cruel?"
SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.
go have a walk with your beloved daughter and please ignore me as you always do.
just leave me the fuck alone.5 -
So an update on my last health rant..
It's got off to a great start... not
My intentions were to go into NYC to walk around in Central Park.
I'm currently wandering around aimlessly in the park, taking a break..
On my way over though I passed a bubble tea festival that was happening...
Gotta get bubble tea now... *Bad* but easier it's so expensive.. They're price gouging!!!
*good? But more I want a drink... I have water but I want something tastier...*
**Sees Duane Reade, goes in no sole, too expensive**
** Sees McD...pass... sees sign saying any large drink for $1**
...
I'm now waking in CP while drinking a large Sprite.... and I want cake bc I'm already in NYC goddammit... might as well get some as it's in the way... And I won't get another chance until.... **Some far away date** ( I know is probably not true...)
Help?1 -
"We've got a new opportunity for you."
I'm a fucking rookie. I didn't know the meaning of this sentence. Suddenly, I become the "IP PBX expert" of the society.
"-Okay, it's some networking shit, I thing I'm good at networking shit. Piece of cake.
-Okay great, you have one month to learn how this thing works, because we WILL provide this kind of service."
Damn.
I spent one month learning this shit on my free time, printing RFCs and living in the fucking MATRIX to not fuck up on the very first day doing that, just in case something on the customers' network fucks with the PABX or something like that.
Oh yeah, I forgot: I'm paid 80% of the minimum wage because I am actually not qualified to do my job and I'm spending one week a month to learn how to IT (some french weirdness I think, if not, maybe it's the germans' fault. Also yes, 100% legal).
Today, they announced me that they "changed their mind".
I'm pissed.1 -
Being the only developer in your circle of non-tech friends is weird 😕.
And why are most female programmers not appealing 🤦♂️.
The beautiful ones are usually clueless and can't get into a ”deep programming concept ”conversation.
I guess I can't eat my cake and have it at a time.18 -
LXC, no doubt.
I mean to be fair, LXC is an amazing container runtime once you manage to set it up. But setting it up is the hard bit. Starting off with LXC 2.x, it was a nightmare to find out how to get things like the storage backends working. But with ZFS it ended up being alright. Find some arcane values to stick in the /etc/lxc/default.conf to use ZFS as the backend and then the default storage location on those ZFS pools (I'll get back to that later), and it worked alright. Again, once it works it's great, but setting it up and finding the right configuration keys is absolute hell.
So, LXC 2.x for a while and a few months ago I finally ended up upgrading to 3.x. Every single configuration key changed. Every single one of them, and that's why I had to 1) learn LXC all over again, and 2) redeploy each and every one of my containers. That process is still not entirely completed. ZFS backend was once again a dive into arcane configuration keys found on forums and whatnot. Yeah.. official documentation has none of it. Oh and in 3.x you now also have to dodge the torrent of "just use LXD m8" messages. Yeah, very helpful when LXD is also the ONLY way to reasonably configure it. Absolutely beautiful. Oh and as far as the ZFS default storage location goes (such as ssd/lxc/ct)? Yeah forget about it. There's no configuration option for it anymore, and the default is "lxc". In ZFS lingo that means that LXC has the audacity to demand a whole pool for itself. No. No you don't deserve a whole pool for yourself. But hey at least you can define the storage location to use in the lxc-create command! Every single time you have to define it in lxc-create. I abstracted it away into my own LXC interface, so no big deal really. But yeah... That could absolutely be better. And in 2.x it was actually better.
Oh and btrfs, the filesystem I'd like to use on low memory systems because ZFS' ARC is too much on such systems? Yeah forget about it. I still have no idea how to do it. Thank you LXC and its amazing documentation!
And if you want the icing on the cake for LXC's terrible documentation, see their repo's index page at https://github.com/lxc/lxc/.... Yeah, it's totally still at 2.x... That's how well they maintain that. Even Debian has 3.x now. And if you look at the branches, you'll find that even 4.x is already available and considered stable. -
When you say to a non-techy: "This is complex."
Meaning: "I don't want to spend my time explaining this to you" / "I don't care".
1 -
Yearly angular rant.
I am doing since 2023
https://devrant.com/rants/10263715/...
and yep, angular is still shit in 2025
And still maintaining a high level, business critical, giant angular set of web portals, and some more projects with an angular UI that has to do with AI projects.
Of course not my choice, I'm forced to use this pile of steaming shit.
Year by year they keep releasing a new version and I always hope they get their shit togheter.
Every year is worse.
Instead of fixing this half-baked, ill-fated, broken clot of hacks rigged togheter, they keep adding cosmetic shit and useless no-one-asked ever features.
They added signals when there are not 1, but 2 mature, battle-tested frameworks (rxjs, ngrx) that already do it better.
They added @if @else etc etc. syntax after 10 years people were telling them that using that shit *ngIf and ng-container and templates was a shitty hot mess.
The whole change detection system is still the worst, clunky designed, cake of shit, requiring for real world applications to juggle with change detection services, change detection policies and control value accessors, which basically forces you to reinvent the most complicated wheel ever for what a ton of other frameworks already do out of the box without getting you bald from hair-pulling late-night hours.
Even AI can't fathom it. Give it to Copilot, GPT, Claude or whatever, and as soon as you get something more complicated than a form that sends a class to the backend or some mapping classes they will flip up, get all worked up and write completely utter shit that doesn't work.
I won't get into the projects details but I had to build some complicated UI and it has baffled me what fucking triple backflips I had to write to make some UI elements work smooth.
Jesus, why the fuck people keeps unleashing this pile of shit on me?
Why is it even used? There are a TON of healtier alternatives.
As of 2025, my christmas wish is still to have an 1v1 with angular devs in an octagon to shove my fist in their skull to check out what kind of twisted donkey shit is in there.
Seriously some improductive dumbass framework here, and if you like it, you're a shit programmer.16 -
One day I helped another teacher with setting up his backend with the currently running Nginx reverse-proxy, peace of cake right?
Then I found out the only person with ssh access was not available, OK then just reset the root password and we're ready to go.
After going through that we vim'd into authorized_keys with the web cli, added his pub key and tried to ssh, no luck. While verifying the key we found out that the web cli had not parsed the key properly and basically fucked up the file entirely.
After some back and forth and trying everything we became grumpy, different browsers didn't help either and even caps lock was inverted for some reason. Eventually I executed plan B and vim'd into the ssh daemon's settings to enable root login and activate password authentication. After all that we could finally use ssh to setup the server.
What an adventure that was 😅3 -
Totally not dev related but had to ait this somewhere... Yesterday my parents came to me and asked what the best way would be for them to have some space cake...
Totally caught me by surprise! Was so surprised I couldn't utter actual sentences for a solid 5 minutes...8 -
It feels so great to check a box from your to-do list... even if it's as little as creating the project file.1
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i have an idea today for find job as Junior:
First of all, startups usually hire senior devs only for two reasons:
1) is critical to their business, they need people that will ensure the project will be done no matter what, seniors usually brings that to the table.
2) The startups that raise some founding, usually have 100k+ raised, that money is basically enough for hire Seniors for some time without troubles, taking into account they will usually be highly profitable in the mid term, it is not a big deal to take the risk
Today startups, at least the most interesting ones, play the game in God Mode due to that founds raising, it is like having a max level character in some MMO with insane amounts of gold, you will buy only the best gear with that gold, not the low level gear, why you want to buy low level stuff, if you can buy the best of the best? that is why Juniors are not likely to have a place in startups, they can pay the Seniors.
But, there a situation in what an startup will wish to hire some Juniors, this is situation is, when they have never raised founds, they have no Cheat Mode, this ones are usually startups that have just few weeks or months of being created, and they need the MVP ASAP, this startups usually already have one or two Mid/Senior level engineers, but they have a very highly benefit from having a Junior in their team, this guy will no take any part in the Cake, will only work for lot less money and will discharge some stuff from the Seniors (Taking into account that is a minimum competent Junior).
Here is where Juniors can get jobs, at least for start their careers, and taking into account that thousands of new startups are created every year, this is a major market.
Ok, i already test that this approach if viable, i send requests to 5 startups that meets the conditions, and got response from 4! still not make a deal, but this is a lot more than 0 response after 2 dozen of applications to more stablished startups.
What you think about this? maybe this is just the jobless syndrome attacking me fuck8 -
So here I work with this colleague that , at first , had a reasonable résumé. Whatever.
Time goed by and he is just doing tickets, clicking left and right, the usual grind of a shitty monitoring system which I am working intensely on deprecating that shit. Anyhoo
The last few days it became apparent that his resume was basically a hot air cake and he knows basically nothing intrinsically.
As I have stated before in previous rants, "everyone was a noob once"... But this guy...
He wants to do "something with Ansible"... "Ok what do you want to do?" , I asked (and I regret to have asked).
He basically wants to write new files on targets. Easy enough, I show him how he could do it with playbooks, inventory and role just for demonstrating the entire chain.
This guy chanes everything up, thereby breaking host group assignment, he launchea it on ALL machines...
Luckily it's a harmless file, so dodged a bullet there.
But the real wtf ia that he did it with the root account for our systems, without understanding the difference between "authentication" and "authorization"...
I am now explaining him what the difference is and how he can be able to check it. I give him the commands literally! ( sudo -l -U <user>)
Manages to fucking open up each sudoer file in vim , mistype or whatever he did in an attempt to leave vim... Breaks sudo...
Now he tries to spin it in such a way that I have steered him to break things.
"Dude you just fucking failed a copy/paste and you did absolutely fuckall without understanding what you are doing, then splurge out accusations because you did it wrong!"
FML2 -
Okay, this is quite hard to explain properly, but I'm actually scared of my personal future.
In about a year, I finish school and I don't have a straight plan of what to do next. I want to work independently, preferably as a game dev, but I imagine that to be a hard task. I have thought of doing a bachelor's degree in game development, but the university I prefer to go to costs 20k€, which is a huge sum and I don't even know whether it would be actually worth it. The university states that 20% of all their graduated students work independently afterwards and they even offer you a flexible "loan" (not sure if it's the right term) you can pay off while you start working, but I fear I won't be able to pay it back, I cannot imagine making this much money any time soon after I start working independently as game dev. Additionally I fear I won't be able to keep my motivation up, since I struggle doing so already, on the other hand my lack of motivation could be caused by this toxic environment I live in.
I've also considered doing freelancing, but when I'm scrolling through the requests made, I never find something I am experienced in, I don't know what request is best to get started with freelancing.
I just don't know what to do in the future and I'm scared and considering to go to this university is probably pretty stupid already and I consider it as me ranting myself, because of my nonexisting self-esteem. So I don't know what to expect from this post, I just needed to share.1 -
There are many technologies that I wish didn't exist but this one takes the fucking cake.
I refuse to work from cafes with this bullshit at the register.
3 -
Age+=1
First time, I am this far from home on my B'day. But atleast I am with my friends and these fuckers wrote "Antarvasna writer" on my cake.2 -
You have a cake and a knife. You need 8 slice, but the knife is rubbish and will disintegrate after 2 cuts.
Its a really fun company I worked for.
No spoilers guys...14 -
Me *looking at the project* : it won't be difficult, it's going to be piece of cake.
Me *really reads more about it* : maybe it's not what I thought
Me *now doubting myself* : Google has all the answers
Me : runs to Google for something as simple as a while loop😩.1 -
Went on this 2 day business show...
Next to me a 100 inch tv... 4k quite awesome jittery video at points ? Codec or cable is wrong...
What was on the right of my stand ... To the cake.
"How to make money online"
He proceeded to state things like I now have 20mill my dream car etc ...
*Me trying not to laugh\be disgusted*
His power point ... Well a 10 year old can do better looks built in 1995
People were buying into it ! How the fuck does someone who has apparently 20mill give such a shit design to people and they listen...
I seriously wanted to go on and say... Don't listen to this fraud this, piece of shit snake oil salesmen.
But I didn't... And.. I regret it. On the bright side ... My stand had the shortest setup in the whole place bet by far the best websites! -
Why are you paying me to architect your new stack if you're just going to mandate that I use Guice and Jersey "because that's what you're using already"? I'm sorry. You're wrong. Spring Boot is not a "dying technology". I'm not going to build you a servlet from scratch. Get fukt.1
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The icing on this app release cake was piped this morning.
The clients released the app into the wild, without our knowledge, despite some rather large, glaring issues that are present.
As to why they thought it was a good idea, who knows?1 -
Applied Discrete Math is fucking hard. Logic and proofs are freaking hard. Even Multivariable calculus is piece of cake. Give me Calculus, Linear Algebra and I can get a high grade.
How do you even start to wrote proofs?
I’m in Chapter 2 and struggling. Imagine the later chapters.6 -
I'm finally going on vacation, which is good, but I already know there will be many stupid people writing me endless private messages about them being banned or their server not working correctly BECAUSE OF THEIR OWN SCRIPTS and they will spam me like they usually do although I WRITE THEM I'm out of the office but they don't care since they don't have other things to do than COMPLAINING ALL DAY.
Geez okay, I got to calm down, I'm on vacation, don't want *that* to ruin my mood.
It was stupid to ban all those people for breaking the rules today though, should have waited another week, so guess this one is on me.1 -
Starts search and replace.
Trys to replace a type in the whole Project.
Syntax Check: lol no, apparently everything is broken now, good job
(literally my whole project was marked red)
Reverts changes
(project still marked red)
Syntax Check: lol what? Your code already looked like shit before, won't let you compile this.
It was a bug which breaks the syntax check after big replace requests. Had to start a new project and copy my code step for step, so it didn't break again. However I've forgotten to replace the type before I copy...
Another story regarding this shit:
Renames Variable
IDE: oh, let me help you by replacing all old var names with the new one
Agrees
IDE: oh shoot, didn't know it could break things
Wants to revert
IDE: did you think I would go through this mess again?! Do it yourself!3 -
— You and other scientists like you., — my sister said after tasting a half cake half cookie, made with wall mold instead of yeast. — You liked to say “no fate”, implying each one chooses their own path as science liberated them. People are equal. You’re right though: they are. They’re equally fragile and meaningless. They indeed have no fate; not because of freedom, but because the bomb you made will obliterate everyone on this planet. There will be no survivors. No fate indeed.
— Wait, but…, — I replied.
— Now go. Lay down in an empty hall somewhere its not real, generated procedurally. You dying there will maybe make me forgive you.2 -
We're doing single login with Azure AD for a Java-based site. We need to also sync the user changes with a microservice.
Now, here comes the fun part: Microsoft is working on a new API which looks promising, which they recommend to use as they've migrated their resources there. But this new API has SDK for a ton of languages but Java, so that's a no-no. On the other side, the js sdk for the old API is borderline unusable and has no deltas (which we need to sync users), although the new one is pretty good.
As a cherry on the cake, applications created with the old API are not transferrable to the new one, but it is otherwise. This is detailed in a very small section of their labrythinc docs and I'm really hoping that this is true or we're thoroughly screwed.
Alas, Microsoft, you've disappointed me again!2 -
The moment you are the villain because you are doing some tasks with the PM , unable to answer the other one and other one thinks you are arrogant .
Icing in the cake , the PM you are working with says you are busy on some other project and he will let you know
:/ -
Ok, so you can add another CPU for more redundancy and security. Safety PLC's do that. But the one which takes the cake is definitely Pilz. The ended up using three of the same CPU in one controller. Does that at that point really increase failsafe performance or is it just overengineering for getting a certification?6
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Fuck companies that want you to build new systems that are a superset of what they already have when they can't even tell you what they have now. Fuck you with your bullshit, nonsensical, self-contradicting, third-assed diagrams--some half-UML, half-clip-art, half-pie-chart drivel. If you're the CTO of a company and you want me to think long and hard about rebuilding your distributed systems, you can think long and hard about expressing what you already have. And NO: a verbal explanation pow-pow WebEx over your DSL connection with your protege that mumbles worse than an Atlantan rapper doesn't count as fucking "knowledge transfer" of your fucking architecture, FOR FUCKS SAKE.
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Looking for the most overblown fictional universe in any media which takes itself serious. XD
Warhammer 40.000 seems to take the cake. Any other recommendations? No reboots AND excluding MCU, DC3 -
!rant
How should I put this... I have REALLY enjoyed help desk job more than anything thus far.
I've seen people posting about how dumb clients may be, and I know there's also those cases, but ultimately those are usually just good inspiration to comedy.
So here's the background: I was working in growing website development company (marketing called it digi-office for some reason). The clients were firms ranging from local bakeries to international suppliers.
The intriguing thing with working in help desk was usually smaller tasks and direct customer contact through e-mail. I got feedback (which always important) and the rush of good feeling at the end of every task; faster and more frequent than working on a year project. But the cherry on the cake is that I got to investigate problems within each websites' and the CMS's code base, fix them or point out bigger flaws in systems and blame others from them. 😂
How your help desk experience differ? Or do you also recognize the good side?1 -
It's not a real dev regret but it's related to it: Not being able to fix a price or a value for my skills.
It's a real regret.
Just coming out of college I have tried my hand at freelancing at found it real hard to fix a value for what work was offered because I just found it weird to fix a monetary value on something that I've done for free for my entire life ( at school and uni I mean).
To make it worse my first experience was with a grad student who wanted me to complete her project.
Now being from India, I know that we have a stereotype of doing work for a lower price.
But this girl took the cake.
She wanted me to create a custom Image classifier using tensorflow.
It had to train with live images and then detect those images in the live video feed.
It's quite simple but still training the basic network(which would be used to just detect features) would take a decent amount of time and effort.
No pre trained models was also a prerequisite for her.
After hearing all her requirements I asked her what price she was willing to pay.
She said 50$ lump sum.
Being really confused as to what to say to that I just stopped replying.
To this day I have no clue what would be a reasonable price to quote a client like that.
After that I just continued dealing with people I knew personally and am currently doing that as an internship. But entering the proper freelancing system again has become a kinda weird thing in my head now, since I have no clue as to what price to put on my skills.
Is there any advice that any of the more experienced people would give?
Also consider the fact that I'm relatively fresh out of college and have no corporate experience.
Even if you've read my rant and have no advice it's okay. I guess this is a path of self realization after all.3 -
Having a tight deadline and management keeps on adding developers with zero domain knowledge to get it done.
You should have seen my managers face when i asked him if he bakes a cake twice as fast if he doubles his ovens temperature. -
The only thing worse than client QA is client vendor QA.
I do QA for a company that does custom implementations of a major e-commerce platform. On one of my current projects, the customer has elected to outsource their UAT, and isn't willing to wait for the site (or even individual features) to be complete before starting testing, so I've been triaging a lot of silly tickets. But today took the cake.
This system allows users to save their credit card info. The vendor QA guy filed a ticket "reporting" that if he saved a cc with a given number, then created a new cc record with the same number but a different expiration date, the original record was overwritten, rather than a new record being created.
I just stared at the thing for like five minutes, gathering the mental strength to reply with something other than "you're an idiot."3 -
Any disposable e-mail address service:
"FIGHT THE SPAM"
"THANK YOU FIGHTING THE SPAM"
"YOU DID GOOD BY FIGHTING SPAM"
The users of disposable e-mail address:
*creates another spam account*
*creates another multiaccount in order to exploit a system*
Companies actually fighting spam:
Now there is even more spam to fight against. (which is not good)
About 2/3 of the accounts created daily on our website are spam accounts. We have to waste our time with this shit instead of actually improving our services. Since we do not track IP-Addresses and there are countless amounts of disposable e-mail domains AND there is still the option to create countless spam e-mail addresses within legit e-mail providers, there is no easy way of stopping this madness.
"Fight the Spam", you could start by deleting your shitty service or at least give us a list of all the domains you're using, srsly. -
Something you really should not do:
*adds a new feature*
*build & run*
*See no difference*
Me: "Hmm.. Maybe 1 is not the best test integer, let me pick something higher..."
*build & run*
*INTEGER OVERFLOW EXCEPTION*
Feel free to share your "let me choose anothee test integer"-stories, which gone terribly wrong.1 -
Today my ping caught me off-guard once again, but I will stop this madness for all eternity! Writing the ultimate ping tool, so I never have to fear high ping ever again.. well I cannot fix my f*cking internet provider, but my ping tool can warn me, even if it detects only the slightest inconsistency!
But first I have to figure out why my tool doesn't output the ping... -
Had a whole weekend of family smalltalk to sit through. Now waiting for the next family members to arrive for cake.
Had a shitload of ideas for my petproject, which could have been implemented by now 😞2 -
16h a day. I was late for a birthday present so I worked on it for as long as I could. It took me 2 months and I was not done in time...
I had eyestrain of death and all this trouble only for a freaking birthday present.
But the present was good, although it was incomplete.2 -
Working on the UI for hospital management system. Team is looking for a backend devs for piece of the cake. If anyone is interested shoot me your email i will refer it to the founder.2
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@dfox Tag searches are too fuzzy. Someone tagged "cake" and I was curious how many other rants contained cake, but the search just had a bunch of results for "make," "cave," "wake," etc.1
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Don't you just hate it when there seems to be nothing but in some ways lacking solutions to a definite task in your capability arsenal? Or rather, I don't really know how I should feel about it... I've been developing this solution to receive a 3DES encrypted Azure Service Bus message, decrypting it and chewing the output XML down so as to be digestible to the PHP application whose API the message gets delegated to... but there just seems to be no perfect solution: subscribing to the event topic straight from the target app just... doesn't seem to work properly, a Python implementation.... well, let's just leave it at that... a Node.js implementation would require TS and completely rewriting a proprietary library with 100+ complex types - also, there's some hiccups with both the subscription and the decryption...
I started with an F# implementation (after deeming the PHP one flawed), and it seems it's still the best. But goddamn it I had problems with it on the dotnet core side of thing (decryption output incorrect), so I had to switch to dotnet framework... Now finally everything crucial is peachy, but I can't seem to be able to implement a working serialized domain model pipeline to validate the decrypted message and convert it to something easier to digest for the target application (so that I could use the existing API endpoint instead of writing a new one / heavily modifying the existing implementation and fear breaking something in the process...). I probably could do it in C#, I don't know, but for the love of Linus I'm not going to do it if I can avoid it, when implementing the same functionality I have now without the Dto and Domain type modules would take 3x LoC than the current F# implementation incl. the currently unused modules!
And then there's the problem of deployment... I have no idea what's the best way to deploy a dotnet framework module to an app completely based on MAMP running on a mostly 10yo AWS cloud solution. If I implemented a PHP or Node.js solution, it'd be a piece of cake, but... Phew, I don't know. This is both frustrating, overwhelming and exciting at the same time.7 -
Damn lots of you knew this shit before turning of age.
I didn't code a single line until I went to college.
I tried to, but it was just too fucking complicated and I didn't understand a thing. Tried to grasp how to use some tools like Unity or an Adventure Maker of sorts and something called Flix for Flash games. Didn't understand shit.
I decided to study systems engineering due to a career aptitude test I took hoping somehow that way I could learn sthg.
First thing I was taught was bash.
When I realised I already knew enough to code a whole text adventure from scratch with such a simple language I felt really hyped.
Always loved text and graphic adventures.
Afterwards I was taught the Z80 assembly language and how CPU registers worked and it blew my fucking mind.
That was the first half-year.
Then I was taught C. And boy was it hard. Didn't get how memory was being handled until the very end.
I happened to be one of the few passing a stupidly complicated semifinal test with triple indirection pointers.
That felt goood.
Learning other languages afterwards was a piece of cake. C#, Java, X86 assembly, C++...
It was a hard door to open. Fucking heavy. But now nothing seems black magic anymore and boy isn't that something to be proud of! :D -
#Suphle Rant 9: a tsunami on authenticators
I was approaching the finish line, slowly but surely. I had a rare ecstatic day after finding a long forgotten netlify app where I'd linked docs deployment to the repository. I didn't realise it was weighing down on me, the thought of how to do that. I just corrected some deprecated settings and saw the 93% finished work online. Everything suddenly made me happier that day
With half an appendix chapter to go, I decided to review an important class I stole from my old company for clues when I need to illustrate something involved using a semblance of a real world example (in the appendix, not abstract foo-bar passable for the docs)
It turns out, I hadn't implemented a functionality for restricting access to resources to only verified accounts. It just hasn't been required in the scheme of things. No matter, should be a piece of cake. I create a new middleware and it's done before I get to 50 lines. Then I try to update the documentation but to my surprise, user verification status turns out to be a subset of authentication locking. Instead of duplicating bindings for both authentication and verification, dev might as well use one middleware that checks for both and throws exceptions where appropriate.
BUT!
These aspects of the framework aren't middleware, at all. Call it poor design but I didn't envisage a situation where the indicators (authentication, path based authorisation and a 3rd one I don't recall), would perform behaviour deviating from the default. They were directly connected to their handlers and executed after within the final middleware. So there's no way to replace that default authentication scheme with one that additionally checks for verification status.
Whew
You aren't going to believe this. It may seem like I'm not serious and will never finish. I shut my system down for that day, even unsure how those indicators now have to refactored to work as middleware, their binding and detachment, considering route collections are composed down a trie
I'm mysteriously stronger the following day, draw up designs, draft a bunch of notes, roll my sleeves, and the tsunami began. Was surprisingly able to get most of previous middleware tests passing again before bed, with the exception of reshuffled classes. So I guess we can be optimistic that those other indicators won't cause more suffering or take us additional days off course
2 -
I guess asking my friends for their opinion is part of my workflow and I really shouldn't do, because their reactions tend to be demotivating and frustrating all the time. As if I don't have enough to worry about already.
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python's threading is like cake. you eat one piece, then it eats the rest, and if you want the rest, you gotta convince it to vomit it out by doing absurd code. Then once it vomits it out, its still bad. So in the end, you can never win :p4
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I have been having one of those days, well weeks where new concepts that would have otherwise taken a few hours, to learn and implement are taking days !! I don't know how y'all consistently learn new things and implement them, while still meeting deadlines.
My team usually holds weekly progress meetings where we discuss completed tasks and the following week's tasks. During the last meeting, I hadn't completed anything worth noting and I had no major reason other than, not having fully understood the concept.
Which is embarrassing because everyone else had done something.
I know, I know, I shouldn't compare myself to others but we all know my boss does. I don't blame him though, I mean I always pick the cake with more icing, and that's just food!
I don't even know what to do about it anymore!!! Is this a phase? Is it normal? What do people do about it? wait it out?3 -
Shit is getting more and more weird.
Context updating hooks inside useEffect is just icing on the cake especially the comment about how putting that hook in useEffect dependecies would cause infinite loop. No 💩, Sherlock!!!
No dumb components in this project except maybe buttons.
Every fucking component has tons of business logic and you can't simply tear it apart as data structures are all over the place. Prop drilling with every drill-step recieveng data of a different type.
We are using Context. For just one value. One. That's it.
Fuck this shit! This shit beats every anti-pattern approach I saw in my whole life, and this is my 40-ish project!
Over engineering by stdOut playing in the backround while I curse at this POS code.
The product is cool though. And it works™ -
1. More App-Development
2. Get more Clients
3. Learn something like Python or Kotlin
4. Bake a cake 🔥4 -
i can't explain why, but hearing the term 'zeroth' in english really fucks with my head.
like, yeah, i'm quite used to 0-based indexing in my line of work obviously. but stuffs[0] == "the first element of stuffs" and that's what I would say when communicating verbally to the person looking at the code with me.
but like, take a use case where you are actually referring to something that precedes the first in a series, such as the number of updates on an original thing. then zeroth is indeed an accurate description, but still just rings such discord in my ear upon hearing it.
kinda like they say about 'moist' describing anything but a cake.7 -
This is not dev related but oh man after 2.5 years i heard back from them that they apologize and so i apologize them back for being rude. So here goes the story:
It was my first time visiting my father in law's aunt by myself for some specific reason that i forgot (perhaps maybe about fixing her son's motorcycle, but im not sure). Short story, when the job's done i was invited to dinner and they came out about all of their food is organic, i asked why. And they answer they didn't like chemical processed food, then i instantly said somethings like : "well do you put Natrium(Sodium in english) Hydrogen Carbonate in my cake?" And they looked a bit irritated and said "of course not, i wouldn't.why would i poisoned you" And i replied "hahaha i was messing with yall, but yeah i think you put NaHCO3 hahaha" And i instantly got kicked out. And i haven't heard them back until now. And they figured it out it was Baking Powder. It's not directly to me tho, they sent their apologize thru my mom. But still. I haven't laugh a lot for a while 🤣4 -
Oh hey, I missed my devRant cake day. And I don't know when it actually was because it displays as 1/2/2019, so it could be January 2nd or February 1st. Can we have a proper date format?5
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Instead of using MySQL, I zipped a bunch of json files... It's fast, but definitely not reliable, I was young and stupid, I should finally getting started with mySQL, srsly.2
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So, if anyone remembers my previous rants (or otherwise), the app I'm working on is finally going to release. We release in about a week and a half, despite having at minimum 10 days work + testing (not including all testing of aws migration that we still haven't fully completed) to even have an MVP.
This is all because the clients have been pushing a release date (16th July) in marketing. Oh, and the icing on the cake? Our boss agreed for a submission to app stores (back-end pending) on Friday (yes, in like 3 days) instead of the agreed next Wednesday date.
Side note: the client is coming over to our office for Thursday and Friday. Why? We are unsure. -
I would love to reschedule my whole life to live during the cool night time throughout the summer, but I can't because I don't live alone...
Guess I have to feel like garbage for the next few weeks...2 -
TL;DR I just recently started my apprenticeship, it's horrible so far, I want to quit, but don't know what to do next...
Okay, first of all, hey there! My name is Cave and I haven't been on here for a while, so I hope the majority of you is doing rather okay. I'm programming for 6 years now, have some work experience already, since I used to volunteer for a company for half a year, in which I discovered my love for integrations and stuff. These background information will probably be necessary to understand my agony in full extend.
So, okay, this is about my apprenticeship. Generally speaking, I was expecting to work, and to learn something, gaining experience. So far, it only involved me, reading through horrible code, fixing and replacing stuff for them, I didn't learn a thing yet, and we are already a month in.
When I said the code is horrible, well, it is the worst I have ever seen since I started programming. Little documentation - if any -, everywhere you look there is deprecated code, which may or may not been commented out, often loops or simply methods seem to be foreign for them, as the code is cluttered with copy paste code everywhere and on top of that all, the code is slow as heck, like wtf.
I spent my past month with reading their code, trying to understand what most of this nonsense is for, and then just deleting and rewriting it entirely. My code suddenly is only 5% or their size and about 1000 times faster. Did I mention I am new to this programming language yet? That I have absolutely no experience in that programming language? Because well I am new and don't have any experience, yet, I have little to no struggle doing it better.
Okay, so, imagine, you started programming like 20 years ago, you were able to found your own business, you are getting paid a decent amount of money, sounds alright, right? Here comes the twist: you have been neglecting every advancement made in developing software for the past 20 years, yup, that's what it feels like to work here.
At this point I don't even know, like is this normal? Did git, VSCode and co. spoil me? Am I supposed to use ancient software with ancient programming languages to make my life hell? Is programming supposed to be like this? I have no clue, you tell me, I always thought I was doing stuff right.
Well, this company is not using git, infact, they have every of their project in a single folder and deleting it by accident is not that hard, I almost did once, that was scary. I started out working locally, just copying files, so shit like that won't happen, they told me to work directly in the source. They said it's fine, that's why you can see 20 copies of the folder, in the same folder... Yes, right, whatever.
I work using a remote desktop, the server I work on is Windows server 2008, you want to make icons using gimp? Too bad, Gimp doesn't support windows server 2008, I don't think anything does anymore, at least I haven't found anything, lol.
They asked me to integrate Google Maps into their projects, I thought it is gonna be fun, well, turns out their software uses internet explorer 9.. and Google maps api does not support internet explorer 9... I ended up somehow installing CEF3 on that shit and wrote an API for it in JS. Writing the API was actually kind of fun, but integrating it in their software sucked and they told me I will never integrate stuff ever again, since they usually don't do that. I mean, they don't have a Backend as far as I can tell, it looks like stuff directly connects with their database, so I believe them, but you know... I love integrating stuff..
So at this point you might be thinking, then why don't you just quit? Well I would, definitely. I'm lucky that till December I can quit without prior notice, just need a resignation as far as I can tell, but when I quit, what do I do next? Like, I volunteered for a company for half a year and I'd argue I did a good job, but with this apprenticeship it only adds up to about 7 months of actual work experience. Would anybody hire somebody with this much actual work experience? I also consider doing freelancing, making a living out of just integrating stuff, but would people pay for that? And then again, would they hire somebody with this much experience? I don't want to quit without a plan on what to do next, but I have no clue.
Am I just spoiled, is programming really just like that, using ancient tools and stuff? Let me know. Advice is welcomed as well, because I'm at a loss. Thanks for reading.10 -
That despising moment when your friend threatens to hack your facebook / gmail account. Ya, like that's just a piece of cake. Good luck with that.1
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floating point numbers are workarounds for infinite problems people didn’t find solution yet
if you eat a cake there is no cake, same if you grab a piece of cake, there is no 3/4 cake left there is something else yet to simplify the meaning of the world so we can communicate cause we’re all dumb fucks who can’t remember more than 20000 words we named different things as same things but in less amount, floating point numbers were a biggest step towards modern world we even don’t remember it
we use infinity everyday yet we don’t know infinite, we only partially know concept of null
you say piece of cake but piece is not measurement - piece is infinite subjective amount of something
everything that is subjective is infinite, like you say a sentence it have infinite number of meanings, you publish a photo or draw a paining there are infinite number of interpretations
you can say there is no cake but isn’t it ? you just said cake so your mind want to materialize something you already know and since you know the cake word there is a cake cause it’s infinite once created
if you think really hard and try to get that feeling, the taste of your last delicious cake you can almost feel it on your tongue cause you’re connected to every cake taste you ate
someone created cake and once people know what cake is it’s infinite in that collection, but what if no one created cake or everyone that remember how cake looks like died, everything what’s cake made of extinct ? does it exist or is it null ? that’s determinism and entropy problem we don’t understand, we don’t understand past and future cause we don’t understand infinity and null, we just replaced it with time
there is no time and you can have a couple of minutes break are best explanations of how null and infinite works in a concept of time
so if you want to change the world, find another thing that explains infinity and null and you will push our civilization forward, you don’t need to know any physics or math, you just need to observe the world and spot patterns10 -
In my EOY performance review/summary, I told I would only receive (along with everyone else) the standard cost-of-living increase of 3%. I'm OK with that, with my tenure/seniority, 3% is a good bump, but I had to make a comment.
Me: "With Biden's inflation between 7% and 10%, its actually a pay cut, right?"
Boss: "Yea, I know."
Me: "Our insurance went up around 5% and they cut some of the benefits, so that's a little more of a pay cut, right?"
Boss: "I know that too. With the economy and cuts to margins, there won't be any profit sharing this year. We have a hiring freeze for the foreseeable future."
Me: "Recruiters have been offering sweet work-from-home compensation packages, what's the likelihood that these young guys will move to greener pastures?"
Boss: "Hard to say. I think the ones that wanted to quit already have. Company already gave a generous industry level-up pay adjustment back in November. Those guys are all single and the 3% is icing on the cake. I don't think 3% will look very good next year."
Me: "Agreed. Looking forward to a wonderful year"
Boss: "Yea, sure.. smart ass."1 -
Fuck you Linux! I thought user password validation would be a piece of cake, like bash one liner. How wrong could I be!
Yeah, it's already ugly to grep hash and salt from /etc/shadow, but I could accept that. But then give me a friggin' tool to generate the hash. And of course the distro I chose has the wrong makepswd, OpenSSL is too old to have the new SHA-512 built in, as it should be a minimal installation I don't want to use perl or python...
And the stupid crypto function that would do me the job is even included in glibc. So it's only one line of C-code to give me all I want, but there is no package that would provide me this dull binary? Instead I will have to compile it myself and then again remove the compiler to keep image small?5 -
CircleCI takes the cake for the most annoying of constant development advertisement campaigns on YouTube, change my mind.
I mean, the product is nice and everything, but what the hell? Why should *I* make sense of your changelog - just go and show what it does in practice! Ugh, why I must teach you marketing, CircleCI, smh...1 -
For developers writing a thesis, article or an essay is really an axe to grind. However such challenges are now dealt by using online essay writing services where qualified writers are available to write as many pages and of any kind. Research papers and thesis writing is like a piece of cake for them and one of the best examples of quality writing service is https://www.5staressays.com.
5StarEssays support stafff are committed to provide highly empathetic services and an info graphic is shared by them to take the writing bull by it's horns.
22 -
Badly lahmayo eggsdee
Jokes aside, while I am a sociable person, I don’t feel the need to go and hang out with my friends - and they don’t demand I do either. I’ve been just fine with the daily interactions at school and that sort of stuff, so the balance is already biased for me. I do however hang out a lot on Discord in various communities and enjoy the social interaction I get from there as well.
As a result, the dev life takes the bigger piece of the cake, but in my case it’s not a bad thing. Which is how it should be at the end of the day - do what feels best for you. -
Friends:
They want you to listen but they never give a shit about what you're talking themselves. This is why I have quit most of my friendships and practically replaced them with devrant, not sure if it was a good idea in the long run though...2 -
Worst / best feature of any language:
Lack of / requirement of strict / dynamic / weak / strong typing. Just typing. Typing typing typing just typing.
Having to specify the type in C/++/#, Java/Kotlin is so annoying and delays the project so much by having to do declare weird classes with 3 or 4 fields just because you need it in this tiny line of code.
Not having good type support in JavaScript and Python is a pain in the eyes when you can't find what type each variable is, or when you pass a wrong argument to a function, and when you do, it shows the definition for the type in a .ty or.pyi file and not the definition itself which you have to find elsewhere. Spent half of my uni exams trying to decipher the type while it could've been a piece of cake if you just knew the type.
Love / hate relationship 😝1 -
For fucks sake, why can't Microsoft switch to Lua or JS as an embedded language instead of VBA.
It bad enough working with their office-jank but having program in this butt-rape of a language takes the cake.7 -
String good =
"I'll never give up type systems!!"
+ " Do you hear me?!"
+ " Never!";
bad =
"Can't believe it made it all the way into prod."
% NaN + 3 / '11' -
a discord bot i wrote for the game supraball probably takes the cake.
lots of functionality developed over years, unpaid and even a bad attitude by the other devs...
did it for the community tho... -
Whether baked or no-bake, a strawberry cheesecake is a showstopper that combines the creamy richness of the cheesecake with the sweet and slightly tangy essence of strawberries. It’s a classic dessert choice for celebrations, springtime gatherings, or any occasion where the irresistible combination of cream cheese and fresh strawberries is sure to be a crowd-pleaser.
No-Bake Strawberry Cheesecake Recipe:
Here’s a simple recipe for a no-bake strawberry cheesecake:
Ingredients For Strawberry Cheesecake:
For the Crust:
1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs
1/3 cup melted butter
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
Cheesecake Filling:
16 oz (450g) cream cheese, softened
1 cup powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups fresh strawberries, hulled and diced
2 tablespoons lemon juice
Strawberry Topping:
1 cup fresh strawberries, hulled and sliced
1/4 cup strawberry jam or preserves
Instructions For Strawberry Cheesecake:
Prepare the Crust:
In a bowl, combine graham cracker crumbs, melted butter, and granulated sugar. Mix until the crumbs are evenly coated.
Press the mixture into the bottom of a 9-inch springform pan to form an even crust. Place it in the refrigerator while you prepare the filling.
Make the Cheesecake Filling:
In a large bowl, beat the softened cream cheese until smooth.
Add powdered sugar and vanilla extract, and continue to beat until well combined.
In a blender or food processor, puree the diced strawberries with lemon juice until smooth.
Fold the strawberry puree into the cream cheese mixture until evenly incorporated.
Assemble the Cheesecake:
Pour the strawberry cream cheese filling over the chilled crust in the springform pan.
Smooth the top with a spatula and refrigerate for at least 4-6 hours, or preferably overnight, to allow the cheesecake to set.
Prepare the Strawberry Topping:
In a small saucepan, heat strawberry jam or preserves over low heat until it becomes smooth and liquid.
Allow the jam to cool slightly before spreading it over the top of the chilled cheesecake.
Arrange sliced strawberries on top for decoration.
Serve:
Carefully remove the cheesecake from the springform pan before serving. Slice and enjoy! This no-bake strawberry cheesecake is a refreshing and delightful dessert that’s perfect for warm days or when you want a fuss-free, delicious treat.
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