Websites that brag about how much coffee they drunk and share zany facts about their employees. "Sarah is a scorpio and enjoys the smell of wet grass."

Am I the only one who doesn't give a flying fuck?

Yesterday,
I was a bit drunk.
But I wanted to improve security of the company. So, I went in Azure and activated “Security defaults” which forces MFA for all users in the company. (Because RH always forget to enable MFA for new employees, and I actually care about security)
Then I went in office 365 management and instead of resetting MFA for all users (Forcing everyone to redo MFA setup), I (by mistake) clicked on reset all passwords.
I tested my own account it was fine and went to sleep.
Got a call from CEO at 7am, all 30 employees cannot login in, cannot work.
What a shit show I made…
I have a call with CEO in about 2 hours, I don’t even know how to justify myself…
So children: don’t activate company wide options while drunk. Ever.

After a company Christmas dinner, some employees went to a bar together. One colleague was so drunk that he felt from his chair. We lifted him back up again, but left him under the table after the third time.
However, he came back on his own, having his dong hanging out, and left a puddle below the table.
So we walked the colleague through the entire town to get him back to the hotel.
When we arrived there, the guy mopping the hotel lobby was able to tell us his room number within a second after noticing us.

I'm glad I have a job where we don't have team 'building' nonsense. We just come in and we team-build on the spot, as in, we get along.

Oh, the nightmare of my previous job where they resented employees for not joining some stupid party where they all got drunk and had forced 'fun'. I like authentic environments.

Me and my friend were having a coffee in a coffee shop and then she told me the story of how she got fired.
So back then storing data on cloud was not that convenient and employees in her company used to carry softwares and other stuff in pendrives.
This one day after completing a MAJOR project for a very irritating client, my friend and her team decided to take the day off and celebrate this victory in a pub.
She got drunk and then came the call of her boss saying that they needed to showcase the software right then to the client.

Being always responsible and committed to her work my friend had decided to keep a backup in her pendrive which she kept in her breast pocket of her shirt.

So she goes into the washroom to freshen up, bends down near the toilet to vomit out liquor and lo!

The pendrive slid all the way down from her pocket into the toilet sink.
She didn't notice and flushed and down went the whole project into the sewer.

Moral - life fucks you in ridiculous ways.

Ps. She left her laptop at her home which was very far from her office and the pub. The team had to go to her home first to retain the project and eventually got seriously late. Boss didn't like it as the client was a real pain in the ass and this was a big project too and being the team lead my friend was supposed to deliver as expected.
She got fired.

Getting drunk texts from my employees that just remembered something to do at night on a Saturday is definitely one of the highlights of my weekend.

I don't trip, poor dudes get fucking tasked out of the ass by the entire institution, and whilst I try to shield them from bullshit as much as I can their duties entail a lot of stuff, if they forgot to do 1 task out of the fucking 100s of shit they are asked to do on a daily basis that is fine really. I am never going to shit on them for it. It happens, specially when you are understaffed and everyone has thousands of additional duties. I really try man.

But yeh, them drunk texts are funny af. Makes me think exactly what the fuck were these dudes going through that somehow something clicked and reminded them of a pending item.

Do you know one major thing (among others of course) that has made devrant feel like home for me after swearing off social media for a long time?

Common ground with users dealing with absolute, insane incompetency at work (I have it real bad at my job).

This doesn't so much make me angry or frustrate me as it makes me sad.

Everyone has varying levels of intelligence in infinite disciplines. Someone could make you cry because they play violin so beautifully but they can't tell you 4 + 4 because they are completely dense, but boy are they genius with that instrument.

Everyone is GREAT at something, that's capitalism's strength! Everyone can excel! I'm lucky enough to truly in my heart believe that programming, data and game development is my true calling...and I personally think I'm amazing at it.

It breaks my heart when people fall into or pursue something that clearly they just don't have enough passion for or regardless just don't have the skill for.

They become toxic to themselves, their employees/coworkers, their industry.

Sadly, power is given to people who simply aren't capable and power is bad on so many levels (aka fucking psychopaths gaining too much power) but it's also bad when people who don't know what they're doing or care get power.

People, I implore you...the secret to happiness and fulfillment in life is finding what makes you happy and what you're passionate about and good at and gripping it until you die.

Most people don't find it....but DON'T stop looking! It took me until my 30's to figure it out. My best friend in her 20's took her life because she couldn't find purpose...don't just be an asshat, incompetent manager in an industry you don't know a fuck about. Love what you do and help others excel.

This is how I get when I'm drunk, sorry. You guys will learn, lol.

Now that my math posts have failed to garner the anger they formerly did, we here at Wisecrack Studios, like all teams of people completely out of ideas, have come up with a brilliant never-before-tried concept to bring fresh shitposts to your pocket-telescreen this fine year of 2020.

We present to you the DevRant shitposter census!

Yes we pride ourselves in our quality bait and bullshit here at WS. Founded in [previous year a long long time ago], we focus on craftmanship, tradition, and doing it right. Our bait is loved the world over for "it's fresh flavor", "so good, it's like you're abusing heroin right along with the company employees!'

And now, you too get to participate and choose your very own bullshit!
You could say we may have invented a totally new word just to describe it: crowdsourcing!
Isn't it just *brilliant*.

Here is Wisecrack's "Private Select" census, of only the most choice *premium* finely-aged shitpost ideas for this [current year].

Please, please, one vote per customer!

* Moar javascript shitposts (no we won't be doing any more, even WE are tired of js rants).

* Overly pixelated memes (obviously not) blatantly ripped and automatically uploaded via shitty selenium scripts

* Real life hijinxs, trolling shitty companies hiring processes for fun at their expense!

* DevRantCon now with 100% more orgies. Reserve your kickstarter ticket today.

* Disappointing vaporware announcements that take ten minutes to read and build your excitement up only to crush it before your very eyes like a child's first lego build in the hands of an angry nd merciless andre the giant disappointed by the craftmanship of a five year old.

* A livestream of a monkey on an actual typewriter, with a btc betting pool each time an actual word is typed, along with a $5 "shock the monkey" button to spice things up a bit
(our lawyers are informing us this may or may not be illegal in some or all nations. We'll get back to you when sealand responds with our request about their laws on unnecessary animal cruelty. )

* Video conference with devrants creators where we all play "I've never" that doesn't end until at least one person passes out black drunk.

* Weekly comedy write ups with jokes (not obviously) blatantly stolen from cards against humanity

* HipsterRants: why your favorite [thing - game, music, movie, book] sucks, and why I hate you for liking it.

* Did we mention javascript rants?

* Cool new projects by devranters and our merciless breakdown of why each one is pure, unadulterated shit, everything that was done wrong, and why you should personally be ashamed for using it.

* SadRants: cancer, meth abuse, homelessness, how we'll all die at the end, and how the sun will one day turn into a giant ball of fire that will consume the earth and leave no trace that anyone ever existed, and nothing we do will ultimately matter.

* HappyRants: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) oh yeah, you feeling it now mr krabs?

* Technical breakdowns that are completely wrong, utterly incompetent, intentionally misleading, and wildly upvoted by people who are unfamiliar.

Vote for your favorite topic/idea today! or even submit your own for our 'consideration'!

Clickbait, now in technicolor!

Myself a few months into my new role.

I attend the Christmas work event (free bar) and got super drunk. I go the toilet for a piss...

During that time I strike up a conversation with the dude stood next to me and to cut a long story short I end up betting, stake defined, hand shook that the company we both work for will fail within two years due to some governmental reforms I knew little about.

Turns out the dude happens to be one of the board members. Its big company 100's of employees.

There were other employees in the toilet at the time too not 30 minutes later and everyone knew what I'd said. It was rather embarrassing I almost didn't turn up the Monday following.

Not my proudest moment, but thankfully I wasn't fired. Its been 1.8 years... I and still work there.