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I want to make a worm that recognizes when the user is using headphones and occasionally play a silent footstep sound behind them.7
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Hello again, everyone. As Sunday comes to a close, and Monday is fast approaching, I'll share with you the likely cause of my death by stroke and/or heart attack:
MONDAY MORNING COFFEE OF HORROR
Disclaimer: Do NOT try this. I am a professional addict. I am not responsible for anything this brew from hell causes to you and/or those around you.
So, I wake up, feeling like I haven't slept for days, or just notice the fucking alarm clock shrieking because I pulled an all-nighter.
Step 1: Silence alarm clock via mild violence.
Step 2: Get the coffee machine to brew some filter coffee (espresso works too)
Step 3: Get milk and ice cubes from the fridge (both are needed, I don't care if you don't like milk, trust me)
Step 4: Get 2 spoonfuls (not tea spoon, and actually FULL spoonfuls) into the biggest glass you have
Step 5: Pour just a little of the warm filter coffee into the glass, just to get the instant coffee wet enough, and start mixing, until the result looks like the horror you unleashed in your toilet a few minutes ago (and will do so again in a few)
Step 6: Mix in 25-50 ml milk, just for the aesthetic change of colour of the devil-brew, and to add the necessary amount of lactic acid to react with the coffee to produce chemical X
Step 7: Add ice cubes to taste (if you are new to this, add a lot)
Step 8. Slowly add the filter coffee while mixing furiously, so that the light brown paste at the bottom get dissolved (it's harder than it sounds)
Now, take a deep breath. Before you is a disgusting brew undergoing a chemical reaction, and your moves need to be precise otherwise it will explode. Note that sugar or any other form of sweetener is FORBIDDEN, as it will block the reaction chain and the result won't be as potent.
Take a straw (a big one, not those needle-like ones that some cafeterias give to fool you into believing that the coffee is more than 150ml). Put it inside the mix, and check that the route to the bathroom is free of obstacles.
Now, clench your abs, close your nose if you are new to this, grab the straw and DRINK!
DRINK LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW!
THAT BROWN DEVIL'S BILE WILL HAVE YOUR INTESTINES SPASM AND DANCE THE MACARENA WHILE TWIRLING A HULA HOOP!
YOUR HEART WILL GO OVERDRIVE HARDER THAN YOUR PC'S CPU WHEN COMPILING ON ECLIPSE AND BROWSING WITH IE AT THE SAME TIME.
The combination of caffeine and lactic acid will bring out the perfectly disgusting combination of sour and bitter usually expected in rotting lemons. After you manage to chug it down (DON'T SPILL OR SPIT ANY!) you have 30 - 60 seconds max to run to the porcelain throne, where you will spend the next 30-60 minutes.
After that, nothing can stop you! You will fix bugs, write entire codebases from scratch, punch that annoying coworker, punch that boss! You will be a demigod among mortals for the next 6-8 hours!
Your recipes for Monday morning coffee?15 -
TLDR: Ever wondered what your project's intro/theme song would be?!
Here's mine..
https://youtu.be/SH8wDkqA_50
Share yours if you ever thought about it or some particular song plays in your head while reading this..
Long(er) version + story: project I am currently working on is notorios in our company.. everyone avoids it, parts of code are untouched for 10+ years.. I used to think it was a 'shitty' project, many frameworks, many parts, many coding styles, many bugs... but longer I worked on it, more I came to realisation, it's not the code, it was the coders.. sloppy coders who didn't give a flying f..
Yes, some things are outdated still, and could be rewritten better (hopefully it will start happening soon! Yay!!), some were already rewamped, new things added... but for the time it was going live, it was majestic. I love solving bugs n problems so I must admit it has grown on me.. my little baby/devil..
Anyhu, one day on skype out of the blue I got this pic from my coworker.. made my day, laughed my ass off.. later that day I was debbuging something and youtube started rolling saw theme song (https://youtu.be/9fwWS6Xo1go)...
When I realised what I was listening too, it made perfect sense.. I was relaxed, at peace.. it clicked.. the song, the project, the bug, the code.. it all made chaotic sense..
I want to play a game..
I realised, project wasn't mean, it was just misunderstood and mistreated.. it can be your best friend if you play nice.
I replied to said coworker that I rhink I just found out my project's theme song and pasted the link.. he laughed, I laughed, my project laughed then it killed my test server.. It was a great day!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
// all true except the project killing server part, that in fact happened on a different occasion
So.. you guys had any moments like this? Any theme songs, intros for your projects?? Or am I the only weirdo who makes associations like this all the time... 🤔🤣😇 ???
6 -
Time to make a deal with the devil
@theabbie since you love downloading the entire devRant db and writing little gimmicks, I have an idea for you.
Avatars are envcoded as URLs. Each part of an avatar is separated by an underscore. Shirt, pants, desk, whatever.
Make a bot or script or website or what-fucking-ever to query users with the same avatar as you. This would be:
- Same EXACT avatar (desk, pets, etc)
- Same body parts as you (face, skin color, hair, etc)
- Same body parts and clothing (everything that shows in the mini avatar next to comments, plus pants and shoes, I guess)
The doppelganger finder. Honestly I think it would be neat.
Would be even cooler if you could filter by active users (last post/comment within past 3 months)33 -
Long story short a guy texted me on Xing, he had an interesting idea, I joined in and now we are founding a startup.
Short story long, a guy texted me on Xing. I usually don't give a fuck because there always just fucktards that want to offer me modern enslavement. No thanks you lifeless greedy hamsters! (no offense) This time was different though. It was not the usual kind of words and the idea sounded pretty awesome. So I gave it a try.
We met in a Café and talked about the idea and about my role in it. It went pretty well and we basically had a nice little chat, coffee and cake.
I was still not convinced. It sounded to good to be true. Why would something like this ever happen to me? You know that kind of feeling. It was like "Hopefully I'm not selling my soul to the devil now."
We now work on the project, already have 5 customers and are a step before the first financial investment. I'm pretty amazed how that turned out!
Now to disappoint you a bit more (or maybe to give you hope?) All I've worked so far (except that one little one-year internship) happend by, me talking to someone that had a job, me being honest about what I want and me rejecting anything that runed my guts inside out. That's it. I never really applied for something. I just get to know the people and with that comes the opportunity. Just be respectful, curious and honest. The others will notice. Chances rise that you'll find something you love todo.4 -
<iframe src="index5.jsp">
Hello Mr. Tester Guy, At last you finally saw this. I don't know how to say this but I'm sick and tired of your bs!
You wanna know what’s wrong with everything?
I could tell you what’s wrong with this country – or at least I could give you my opinion about it. I could tell you what’s wrong with “the church” (as though all churches are guilty of what some churches do). But I can't fucking tell what your problem is!
Let’s get pragmatic for a second.
I have worked tirelessly for over only God knows how long, trying to get this platform running on all browsers in this world even on obsolete ones (IE7,6,5,4,3... to the shithole).
You are heartless!
After all these pain you still rant about index pages not rendering equally in time across all browsers.
You are a demon from hell!
I could go on, but with your degree in Q.A. (like measuring the margin between two images using a tape-rule or looking for typos in a dummy text) you should understand my point fucking cunt.
I realize I just ranted a little, but I’d like to think that this rant is more of an attempt to end the useless practice of ranting about your moronic findings on this platform.
The devil awaits you in hell, bitch!
</iframe>5 -
"Microsoft programming chief to devs: Tell us where windows hurts you"
You must be kidding, right? Since Windows 10 it hurst the moment it is installed on my fucking PC. I don't want those fucking cloud functionality on my fucking PC. If I want it, I would work on a Mac FFS!
Let me decide when to update my god damn machine! Even with a fucking enterprise edition it is not possible the way I want it! Yeah, I don't have to login with a Microsoft Account, but there is always a small, little, Microsoft-Hating-Devil in my Head telling me: "Who knows, if they don't sync your clipboard even, if you don't login with a Microsoft Account?" (Cloud synced Clipboards are the next bis shit coming!!!)
There is not much left, and Linux will be my all day OS (second boot atm).4
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