Me: So i've cloned the iOS project, i've run carthage, but it won't build.. Have I done something wrong?

Devs: Oh read this doc on github, we do loads of custom stuff. The depenedncy manager can't do it all by itself. You need to run `./scripts/boostrap.sh`

Me (another day): I've switched branches and i'm getting all these errors. Any ideas?

Devs: Ah this happens when someone modifies xyz. Read this pinned slack message. Run `./scripts/bootstrap.sh` again.

Me (another day): I've switched branches again, getting different errors, re-running boostrap didn't fix it.

Devs: Ah yeah, this happens when someone modifies abc. You need to run `./scripts/nuke.sh` and then boostrap when this happens.

Me (another day): Guys When I try to run the prod app its not building any ideas?

Devs: Ah yes have a look at this confluence link. You need to run `./scripts/setup_debug_release.sh`, then nuke, then boostrap and you'll be good.

Me: .... ok

Devs: Oh btw very important! do not commit any changes from `./scripts/setup_debug_release.sh`. It will break everything!

Me: ... no i'm sorry we have a much bigger problem than that. We need to talk ... like right now

!!pointless story

Bug report comes in from a coworker. "Cloudinary uploads aren't working. I can't sign up new customers."

"I'll look into it" I say.

I go to one of our sites, and lo! No Cloudinary image loads. Well that can't be good.

I check out mobile app -- our only customer-facing platform. None of the images load! Multiple "Oops!" snackbars from 500 errors on every screen / after every action.

"None of our Cloudinary images load, even in the mobile app," I report.

Nobody seems to notice, but they're probably busy.

I go to log into the Cloudinary site, and realize I don't have the credentials.

"What are the Cloudinary credentials, @ceo?" I ask.

I'm met with more silence. I use this opportunity to look through the logs, try different URLs/transforms directly. Oddly, everything seems fine except on our site.

I check Slack again, and see nothing's changed, so I set about trying to guess the credentials.

Let's see... the ceo is basically illiterate when it come to tech, so it's probably not his email. It's a startup, and custom emails for things cost money, and haven't been a thing here forever, so it's probably oen of the CTO's email aliases. he likes dots and full names so that narrows it down. Now for the password.... his are always crappy (so they're "easy to remember") and usually have the abbreviated company name in them. He also likes adding numbers, generally two-digit numbers, and has a thing for 7s and 9s. Mix in some caps, spaces, order...

Took me a few minutes, but I managed to figured it out.

"Nevermind, I guessed them." I reported.

After getting into Cloudinary, I couldn't find anything amiss. Everything looked great. No outage warnings, metrics looked fine, images all loaded. Ex-cto didn't revoke payment or cancel the account.

I checked our app; everything started loading -- albeit slowly.

I checked the aforementioned site; after a few minutes, everything loaded there, too.

Not sure what else to do, and with everything appearing to work, I said "Fixed!" and closed the issue.

About 20 minutes later, the original person said "thanks" -- never did hear anything from the ceo. I've heard him chatting away in the other room the entire time.

Regardless, good thing for crappy passwords, eh?

Completed Angular 2 course on codeschool, really liked improvements and simplicity of Angular over Angularjs. Decided to do quick start guide in official website. Oh my f**king god... I need to setup webpack, typescript linter, typings, polyfills etc angular2-cli is no better, crawling with errors... why... why can't one just start a project and work instead spending loads of timing configuring all of that... AND WHY WE CANT HAVE PROPER SUPPORT FOR LATEST FEATURES...

I don't even know what I am ranting about... I just wish to spend more time creating things than configuring for ages development environment.

Partner of ours claimed they are going to update their api. No breakage. My hopes were low and they did not disappoint.

Soon after the new version of their api went live, of course, loads of breakage. And the email contact with them is really fun.

Me: "Hello, since your update we get the issue A. Here's the complete communication."

Them: "We did not change the existing behavior. You are doing X wrong. Repeat that one call during the step and you should be fine."

Me: "Thank you, if I repeat the call, it does indeed work, albeit slower, since we are now repeating calls. Furthermore, our application was consuming your api for years and we did not change anything. So why is that step necessary now? Only after your update do our logs show errors from your API. And by the way, we now also have a issue with B. Why is that?"

Them: "Oh that's because your query the endpoint with "Fnord", try "Baz".

Me: "Yes, I do know that we query it with "Fnord" as that is what a previous endpoint of yours is responding to us. Why are we getting "Fnord"? What request do I have to make to get a "Baz" back?"

It feels like a game of wackamole. Squash one issue, ten more will pop up. I am one step away from becoming active-aggressive.

story - u get a new job, u really like the boss and work env, have been assigned a v ambitious project.. which involves v critical deploy control, data backfills and multiple level of integrations, takes 2 quarters to complete, in the mean time ur fav boss left for a better job and new boss doesn’t seems to understand the gravity of the project and thinks u r just sitting there twinkling fingers...anyways fast forward to d-day : deploys go fine everything working great... time to run some post deploy scripts for some data consistency, a single change to another piece of code done by some one else 2 days back triggers an additional logic and damn suddenly the app users loose ownership to part of the data they owned... u run history reports, do data loads to assign them back, some data errors out, u r about to manually set that up - u drop ur laptop from ur table and it refuses to restart - and all the Prep data is gone and all the scripts are gone and it’s a weekend so no IT Sypport... u r without a laptop for next 24 hours... the struggle continues... next update on Monday

Just when I thought I fixed the error and finally made rustc happy, I got loads of other errors.

WTF Is wrong with Kotlin! Every fucking time I upgrade its Android Studio plugin i receive loads of errors about: Type mismatch: inferred type is FragmentActivity? but FragmentActivity was expected

for fucks sake bitch! Why the hell you keep on switching from optional to non optional on every fucking update, my commit history is full of this type of fixes -_-

Corona shows that certain webshops were bought up cheaply and can't handle large loads. The fact that my shopping cart constantly crashes, the website itself crashes, flips between logged in and logged out, state is constantly corrupted and.. every so now and then I get 500 server errors, yeah, clear signs of no load balancing policy.

Everyone is raping the shopping sites right now.

I hate cheapskates.

We are having a history lesson updating a system that was built around 1985.

It's a custom built sales and customer tracker, programmed in Clipper, which is a superset of xBase, that is a language that appears to be data orientated. DosBox and Dosemu have both failed to run it, the programs loads and indexes just fine, but when it gets to the program dashboard it shows the options and doesn't seem to accept any input, though it appears to be running as the time updates (any ideas?)

Tried compiling the source using harbour, compilation fails, something about "time" having too many arguments and other obscure errors. Urgh.

Dbf files are easily converted and opened but really we want to view the working program to see the relations so we can translate the data models.

It's both fascinating and infuriating at the same time.

What a disastrous deployment: instead of deploying one thing, 50.000 unexpected other things had to be done before. When the "official" deployment was done inside our own network, nothing worked as expected, servers had to be reconfigured, errors everywhere. Mind you it was tested multiple times by multiple people in a testing env. Difference between test and prod, classic.
When it was finally deployed, other errors started emerging, things that weren't considered before came to surface.
On top only the main dev knows the ins-and-outs, no substitute in case anything happens.
Deployment was rolled back in the end.

can't take this sh1t anymore, will start updating my CV today.

I have to steer wheels on this shitty php-related task with testing suites with latest guides written in 2014, code base of that suite got a shitton of changes.

When referring to original documentation and example that is not working and gives me loads of errors, community pricks just saying something like: don't use 6 year old tutorials!!! well, that is the latest I could find, so yeah -> basically go fuck yourself situation!

went alive from 1st part as I managed to make some hacky clusterfuck that works. now i had to switch library that has no documentation at all, has shitton of options and lattest update is like from 3 years ago, library that is connected had some breaking changes lately so to no surprise I can't get this shit to work!

Is whole php ecosystem just made of folks who simply doesn't give a fuck and latest knowledge update they had is like 4 years ago?

ofc I am excluding laravel community in this!

Looking at jest errors and loads of GitHub and StackOverflow issues, it's no surprise that people claim they don't like testing.

Maybe they would if we got our tooling right.

import { foo } from 'bar';

Nah, that's an unexpected token, jest does not like this syntax.

Using require, like in jest's getting started tutorial isn't compatible with my existing JS libraries exports.

Adding type: "module" in package.json just makes another error message appear instead.

Fucking developer experience!

Why bother with unit tests at all?

How come PHP is 10 years superior to JS when it comes to code quality, unit tests, and static code analysis?

I don't even care about "ES modules". I don't want to "mock" anything either. All I want to do is import a handful of JavaScript functions into another file.

Overengineered web dev stack sucks!