Real life automation scripts be like. 😂

This is when writing a script that sets up your dev environment pays off...

Having 6 new employees join our startup. The script installs pretty much all dev tools and apps as well as sets up the device management profiles. 😎

Basically most of the python scripts I've seen.

Kid(age: 17): What kind of programming do you do?

Me: Well, I started writing scripts in Python, but in the last few months I moved to IOS development, so like making apps.

Kid: So you write scripts for phones?

Me: Not exactly—

Kid: Do you know what jailbreaking is?

Me: Yeah.

Kid: So do you jailbreak stuff?

Me: No—

Kid: Oh so you don’t really do programming.

:’(

Effects of deployment scripts

Replaced all the echo statements in my utility scripts with cowsay. This is great :-)

Built a few php scripts allowing me to automatically download pics and videos from a porn'ish site.

Entirely unnecessarily and I hardly use it (I can just go to the site) but hey, automation is fun!

Replace at least 1 person at my current employers with automated scripts.

Bash scripts. If it can't be done in a bash script; you haven't looked at enough stack overflow pages.

8 am, got in to work, everything has exploded overnight. The servers are dead, the scripts aren't running, everyone has panicked. So many emails.. So many Skype messages. I wish I wasn't the only one who can fix it. Send help (and coffee).

Real life scripts

Me: So i've cloned the iOS project, i've run carthage, but it won't build.. Have I done something wrong?

Devs: Oh read this doc on github, we do loads of custom stuff. The depenedncy manager can't do it all by itself. You need to run `./scripts/boostrap.sh`

Me (another day): I've switched branches and i'm getting all these errors. Any ideas?

Devs: Ah this happens when someone modifies xyz. Read this pinned slack message. Run `./scripts/bootstrap.sh` again.

Me (another day): I've switched branches again, getting different errors, re-running boostrap didn't fix it.

Devs: Ah yeah, this happens when someone modifies abc. You need to run `./scripts/nuke.sh` and then boostrap when this happens.

Me (another day): Guys When I try to run the prod app its not building any ideas?

Devs: Ah yes have a look at this confluence link. You need to run `./scripts/setup_debug_release.sh`, then nuke, then boostrap and you'll be good.

Me: .... ok

Devs: Oh btw very important! do not commit any changes from `./scripts/setup_debug_release.sh`. It will break everything!

Me: ... no i'm sorry we have a much bigger problem than that. We need to talk ... like right now

Adding some scripts to a project with the whole intent of slowing performance on Internet Explorer, and if a client complained I showed them how fast it was on Firefox, Chrome or Opera.

Why the fuck did I set up GitHub and all the deploy scripts if your just going to fucking ignore it and edit directly on the server?!?
"Oh, I ran out of time"
DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW SIMPLE GIT IS?!?!?
"git add file
git commit -m 'Queef farm'"
AND YOU'RE DONE!

"python is only used for tiny scripts"

This is how my (side-project) deploy scripts look :3

When you write scripts to automate stuff because you're lazy, but you spend so much time writing them it makes you doubt your own laziness

Not really dev as much but still IT related 😂

in college we got some new macs in our class. Before we were allowed to use them the "IT Tech" came in and did something to them all (probably ran some scripts to set stuff up)

Anyway, I was completely new to OS X and accidentally pressed a key combo that opened up a dialogue to connect to a remote file server. I saw the address field was already filled out (from when the IT Tech was running the scripts). So me being me I decided to connect. Low and behold my student credentials got me in.

Taking a look around I found scripts, backups and all sorts of stuff. I decided to look at some of the scripts to see what they did. One of them was a script to add the Mac to the domain. Here's the funny part. The login to do that was hard coded into the script....

To conclude. I now have domain level access to my whole college network 🙃

Tl;Dr: stupid it tech saves password in script. I find it. I now have domain level access to the college network

So you build a beautiful site; you spend good time on UX, refactoring, server optimisation, getting good page load speeds, SQL all optimised - life is good.
Commercial team comes in and slaps clickbait, generic advertising, tracking scrips over the lot.
Page loads go from a second to 30 seconds and even though you made sure all those crappy ad scripts are asynchronous pages still hang most times. PingdomTools lists your page scripts as going from 40 files to over 900... now users are ringing me up giving me grief about how slow this new company website is...

If a programmer creates scripts to complete his work for him, does that still technically mean he's doing his job?

Generating SQL scripts using Excel. That's the practice at my company.

So today I was working on some PowerShell scripts and I get a question from a colleague
Colleague: So, How's your girlfriend doing ?
Me: "You cannot call a method on a null-valued expression" -ForegroundColour "Red"

*Colleague throws something at me*
Totally worth it!

Everytime I have to execute several commands to do something, I tell myself:
I will write a script for that.
But now I have no time.
I will do it the next time.

I will never write these scripts.

Me: *spends 3 days configuring my linux mint install to not look like garbage, installing stuff, making a lot of scripts*

Linux mint 19 "Tara": *releases*

Me: fuck

Switching between Vim and atom, ":wq" sometimes finds itself in my scripts 😅

Noobs : Send Nudes
Programmer's : Send Scripts

Everytime I tell someone I write scripts and test security of new hardware/software, I get
"oh that's so cool, what's that called?"

"penetration testing"

*Room goes silent and wide-eyed*

At work for a bank, I changed the target SQL Server in my SSIS project and arbitrarily, all my custom-coded scripts were erased!!

I didn't take backups and I spent a week coding them! Fuuuuuuuuuckkkkk 😠

Ended up rewriting them.

I learned my lesson... 😥

My fiancee thought I'd make for a good theatre writer, cause I've got so many scripts!

I went for an interview for a position stated as "web developer" . They questioned me on Pen testing and writing scripts for detecting attacks. This is how the interview went. Fucking get your shit together .Fucking waste of time

When I thought I hacked Facebook.

I somehow managed to "inspect element" and changed a couple of the words on the page. I reloaded the page and all my work was gone... I tried it again and again then googled how to hack. I then learned how to make batch scripts. the rest is history.

I need to make a confession. I wrote shell scripts that will automatically turn on my system and will download games and movies for me after office hours, using office internet

I have gotten into a bad habit of staying up late on my computer and then being too tired to go for a run in the morning.

So now my computer automatically shuts itself off at 10:00.

There’s some encouraging to go to sleep.

Task:
- Replace a 4 year old PHP API.
Old API:
- PHP script writing PHP scripts to /var/www/ for every endpoint needed
- Answers everthing with 200 (not even 404)
DB:
- MySQL 5.6
- ~ 1000 Tables, NO FUCKING FK's
Documentation:
- "Wasn't worth the effort"
New API:
- Not allowed to behave any different
.
.
.
😭

What could be worse when Technical Manager forcing you to write SQL Scripts inside C# Code as:

List<String> items = SELECT * FROM table

And not accepting to argue with me as I am a noob according to him

Fuck project setups that

- Have huge nested enterprise folder structures like Java

- Use tons of shell scripts / makefiles

- Have every config file in the root folder

- Don't tell me what I need / how to build

I know some of these can't really be changed easily, but fuck this cluttery mess!

Wanted to automate some stuff through bash scripts but did want to separate tasks so I wrote two bash scripts for data processing.

Hmm.. two scripts..... how could I even further automate thi....

*writes script which executed those two scripts*

😄

God, Python is so good for little scripts. I love it dearly.

Windows:
// Find for a solution
crashChecker.findSolution() {
wait(10000);
}

// Close app if pressing letters 30 times in a row, do the same for mouse click event
keyboardEvent.preLoad(countRow, app) {
if (countRow > 30) {
app.whiteOverlay();
app.crash();
app.close();
}
}

commands.kill(pid) {
App app = findByPid(pid);
app.askFor("ALT+F4");
}

// Render a page in IE
internetExplorer.renderPage(content) {
if (content.type == "json") {
return renderAs(content, "html");
}
if (content.type == "html") {
supportedElements.cutByHalf();
if (supportedElements.length > 20) {
bsod(Error.Memory);
} else {
wait(1000 * random());
return renderAs(content, "html");
}
}

commands.shutdown() {
int delay = 0;
if (apps.length) delay = 30;
if (updater.hasUpdates()) delay = updater.length * 40;

maybeShutdown(delay);
}

On Windows: Use Tools and scripts to stop/uninstall/deactivate functionality so that the OS becomes useful for me.

On Debian: Use Tools and scripts to start/install/activate functionality so that the OS becomes useful for me.

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤭

I started color-coding my bash scripts to more easily see when things start and end.
At first it was just some headers here and there, but now my terminal looks like it's shitting rainbows all over the place.

It's so pretty :3

Experimenting with bash scripts with a fellow devRanter right now. This is so much fun!

In three years, I switched from i3 wm on arch to i3 wm on Ubuntu 16.04 and recently to gnome on Ubuntu 18.04. It sounds like a massive downgrade but I like the normie life for now, it let's me focus on more important things than writing my own scripts to reset the brightness.

Sometimes, when I write scripts to scan random IP addresses for an unsecure VNC server or develop my own NES emulator and someone asks me "Whatcha doin'?", it's just easier to lie rather than start explaining, so I reply:
- Nothing... Just some web dev.

Heh, so I was working in tech doing the physical side of the department (going and moving computers or hardware fixes etc.)

Anyways since I got that job I noticed some of our recurring systems tickets are time consuming so I wrote some scripts to speed up the parts that I could.
(Like getting us all the useful information for hunting down missing machines or machines that haven't been able to be backed up in a while)

So yeah, made the scripts and some higher ups were like great you should submit them to our repo so they don't just disappear. Do it and get told by one of the like cto kinda guys that, "instead of doing a script to do what the original script should do, maybe go in and fix our original one."

So I told him, I don't get paid enough to fix your guys scripts, I don't know perl(which is what those ones are in) and honestly it's not my department for fixing those scripts, it's yours.

I had made a big post about what my scripts did and gave access to them and what they could have fixed in an hour they argued with me for months about just fixing their originals instead.

So now I've just actually gotten promoted out of that dept and into another where I will finally get paid to do more code, so I was closing my last tickets and the "trying to add my scripts to their repo" was one. The guy had denied my PReq Esso I closed the ticket thinking meh.

This guy re opens and again says just fix the scripts. Luckily I had done a personal repo for the scripts so others in my (now old) dept can keep using them. So I said I'm not in that department anymore, I made them available to the others and I still don't know perl. Not sure what your wanting me to do...

Got a laugh when he replied "oh yeah, just heard about the promotion... Congrats.. Where's the repo?"

I feel like I won finally

When I was wading through some ancient scripts of my company forefathers, I found the empty shells of long forgotten codes, forever trapped in the bowels of this system.

Sometimes they are called, but nothing ever happens. pretty spooky

Co-workers: "But we have always written our scripts in Perl"

Me: "Nope not a good reason to keep using it."

Friend: I really dont see how Java and JavaScript are different
Me: *Several minutes explaining the differences
Friend: Ok, ok, but if i write 'JAVA' scripts, im a JavaScript programmer right?
Me: No, you're an asshole

You guys, I think I know what is it....I think I know why I wanted to be a developer.

It started off innocently enough. I was a young lad in IT. Wide-eyed. Absorbing anything and everything I could. Then, the asshole clients came.....

I would put on my best customer service face on, and address the client as calmly and as respectfully as I could. Reminding myself that their frustration is understandable.

To deal with the increased time dealing with clients took, I developed scripts to help me handle maintenance and keep my head above water. I developed scripts to streamline equipment provisioning for big deployments. I developed scripts to handle other technicians who didn't log-off the phone queue and fucked up our on-call flow. I put in place email rules to sift through the bullshit and time wasters.

I became a developer to streamline and make myself as efficient as possible. But the clients keep nagging. The bullshit keeps coming. The other players get in your fucking way.

There is no end you guys.... THIS IS ONLY TUESDAY. I can't script the passage of time. I'm....I'm.... I need a fucking nap.

OMG I just accidentally deleted hundreds of hours of work permanently ... F*** ME 😱😱😱😨😨😱😰
THIS IS WHY I DON'T FUCKING USE AUTOMATED BATCH SCRIPTS.

Got moved to testing last week, (due to lack of testers) being a developer it requires a whole different mind set to test !!!

But running selenium scripts and again verifying manually sucks.

But what hurts the most is rejecting something that you approved during peer review 😱🤭

Ooh, look! Node got async/await!
Ooh, look! I can lint shell scripts with shellcheck!
Ooh, look! Webpack 2 has been released!
Ooh, look! I can switch over from npm to yarn!

There is so much stuff I want to upgrade and optimize in our project, that I forget about the actual JIRA ticket.

I had security reopen our test-user last week. I could run the tests once, then they started failing with "blocked user due to too many attempts at logging in". Huh, that's weird. I go through everything, every script, every scheduled task, every nook and cranny of every drive on every machine I could reach, and make sure the password is updated everywhere. Reopen account. Same shit.

I email around to some people, they don't use it, one guy asks if I checked x, y and z, I did. Then he's sure we don't use it anywhere else.

It's one of our fucking contractors that took one of our scripts (that they're supposed to have duplicate copies of) and forgot to change to their own credentials. That's literally the agreement, take our scripts and change the user and run them on your machines.

Afhfjdkdhdjdbd stop locking me out of everything with your incompetence. I email them, some cunt gets back to me asking for the new password. NO. USE. YOUR. OWN. CREDENTIALS. I KNOW YOU HAVE THEM, THEY'RE HERE IN THE LIST AND BEING USED IN ALL OTHER SCRIPTS AAAAAAAAAHHH

My python scripts are always good... until I run them

I wanted my colleague Mathew to write a background process on running powershell scripts at random intervals, based on input files...Guess we will call it Matt Daemon

Javascript.

It was created with a mind of writing simple scripts in browser not for some to attempt to write whole fucking applications (which seems to be a plague these days). Typed languages!

Programming challenges:

Easy: Hello World!
Medium: Matrix multiplication
Hard: Artificial intelligence
Impossible: Coming up with meaningful names for variables and scripts...

Current project:

A fairly simple and basic single page-ish project with no framework at all.
No backend or database.
No jQuery.
Plain old Gulp task, npm scripts and Webpack.
Some parallax and other scrolling effects.
Client is actually a pretty simple, cool and understanding guy.

This is too easy.

What is this madness??

Summary of my week

Day:
Fix merge conflicts at work

Night:
Fix merge conflicts in Skyrim mod scripts

As someone who doesn't know a lot about JavaScript, but occasionally needs to create some quick and simple scripts, I swear I'm going to kill someone if I read "just use jQuery" one more time on SO.

When I started learning PHP. I used various warez sites to get PHP scripts to get familiar with how 'things' are built and it really helped me develop into a better dev.
Now I sell PHP scripts on envato and my very item's trending on a warez site somewhere.

> Make a small game.
> Do it in Rust because why not.
> Decide "Hey, why not make the game objects have Lua scripts for their logic because Lua is easier to do quick and dirty code in than Rust?"
> 5 hours later delete all the code related to running the Lua in Rust because AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Thank you Syncex for one of the best powershell scripts ever. This literally sped up my laptop and surface :3

Unlimited storage on google Drive for business ! Today is me writing scripts to save all our voice recording in the drive, we make around 5K calls a day storage costs us around $30000 a month, not anymore!

Tip: Never add an execution (PHP for example) script as a bookmark in your browser..

Your browser will occasionally poll the saved URL to update the favicon or sync to the server or something like that, which triggers the script without you knowing...

WHAT THE FUCK?
CMAKE you pathetic collection of loosely bundled scripts written in a shitty macro language!
WHY? WHY? WHY?
WHY DO YOU REFUSE TO OUT OF SOURCE BUILD?
IT WORKED FINE LIKE 2 SECONDS AGO! I HATE YOU WITH THE FIRE OF A THOUSAND STARS!

Fucking React Scripts, "yOu hAvE mUlTiPlE VErSiOnS oF bAbEL-JeSt, Use nPm Ls Jest To TrACk It Down"

Ok you dumb fucks:

npm ls babel-jest
react-typescript@1.0.0 /Users/chris/Downloads/8sleu4
└─┬ react-scripts@4.0.3
├── babel-jest@26.6.3
└─┬ jest-circus@26.6.0
└─┬ jest-runner@26.6.3
└─┬ jest-config@26.6.3
└── babel-jest@26.6.3

OH LOOK THEY ARE BOTH IDENTICALLY 26.6.3 STOP BUILDING AN OPINIONATED PILE OF GARBAGE IN YOUR COCONUT TREE FUCKED UP FALSE PARADISE YOU CALL SILICON VALLEY!!!!!!! I'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH A BUNCH OF GARBAGE!!!! I'D PREFER A TOOL WRITTEN BY KINDERGARTNERS IN CRAYON!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

EVERY

SINGLE

TIME

REACT SCRIPTS

BREAKS

Hell is not enough for people who create scripts that forcefully redirect you, while scrolling.

EAT A SPIKY CACTUS FOR EVERY DAMM TIME I HAD TO HIT THE BACK BUTTON BEVAUSE OF YOU

Okay karma, why?!

I made some backup scripts, it should dump our MongoDB every 30 Minutes... Nope I didn't test if there's something in the tar and yes it's my fault but now we needed this backup AND THE ONLY BACKUP SCRIPT WHICH DIDN'T WORK WAS THE ONE WHICH BACKUPS THE DATABASE...

COME OOOOON

I used to screw around with the school computers, nothing much, a few batch files here, a few html scripts there. But once, they took away my use of the computer for, "Tampering with very important parts of the computer." Yeah.
Don't do html in school, kids.

Yes, my Python scripts are not remotely pretty. But then, neither was my nonexistent formal training in scientific computing. And no, I will not 'write two lines of comments for every line of code'. Physics major programmer problems.

Just spent 2 fucking hours debugging one of my websites scripts because apparently appendChild wasn't a function... Here I was thinking there was a function called getElementByClassName... Dick head me didn't realise I'm missing a single 's'... 2 hours over a single fucking s!

Fuck javascript man...

Haven't coded for a few days, returned to my github project to find one of my co-workers has gone through every single line in all of the scripts and added passive-agrresivd, sarcastic, comments about what they do.

Thanks.... I guess....

After going through the painstaking process of getting automation scripts reviewed by the whole team, edits, commits, reverts and finally loosing sanity

and you see the team is still using the old automation scripts in testing.

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Somebody created a new database field of type varchar(10) and then filled it with the string 'NULL' for every row. Now, everybody is having to figure out for themselves that these aren't actual NULL values when running scripts.

More adventures of working with data scientists:

Doing combinatorial analysis.

One of the post processing scripts throws away combinatorial information, analyses significance of individual data points instead.

Code was so complicated, nobody noticed.

Our tech lead left a mess in the database. He turned his screw-up into an architectural discussion, weighing the benefits of duplicated, messy data vs. keeping it consistent. He suggested that, instead of fixing his broken script and cleaning the mess, we should break all of the other scripts and have them trash the database, too.

They almost believed it.

What a clever maneuver. I wish he would use his cleverness to make good software, instead.

HR logic: You know how to write simple bash scripts and you have "expertise" in programming = You are our next kernel/hypervisor developer!

Girl, I do not even know what a hypervisor is.

That moment when you look at the network performance of the website you've paid a professional company for and realise that there are some 100x100 px jpegs at almost 500kb each and the jquery scripts take 3s to download! o.O

Does no one bother to optimise file sizes these days?

i don't know bash

i don't like to read or write bash

why am i stuck updating bash scripts

Made a custom RGB macro keypad for development. Combined it with my scripts for controlling my Android dev device

Want to bundle your files: Node.
Want to minify your scripts: Node.
Want to tree shake your code: Node.

FUUUUUCK OOOOOOOOOOOOOFF I DON'T WANT NODE

If I were the world dictator I would forbid JavaScript in web pages for a month, to teach shitty web developers a lesson.

Is it normal that to submit a form I have to use the developer console!? For fuck sake, I don't give a shit about your fancy scripts that only god knows what they're supposed to do. A simple <form> with an <input type="submit"> would do the job, holy fuck!

I'm so tired of those fucking broken scripts. Don't write JavaScript if you suck at it!

"Did you learn anything while looking over those old scripts?"

Me: "I think that if I'm gonna work here I'm gonna need to resolve some hatred I have towards Visual Basic."

So what do you guys do when you can't sleep?

I'm currently writing Powershell scripts to manage my companies office 365 because I dislike the web interface.

Today’s DevOps public service announcement... don’t test your server provisioning scripts locally. Especially when this gem is in there:

rm -f ~/.ssh/id_rsa
echo ‘vault secret/ssh_key’ > ~/.ssh/id_rsa

Well, I no longer have my key, but the script works! I’m sitting with a very locked down server key

Shit. My ssd died y-day. Got a new one [970evo] today (tx bro!).

Guess who's gonna spend the night recreating the whole env: ui, scripts, triggers, integrations, tunnels, qemu vms, apps, bkup restores,....

Shit

FUCK YOU, UNITY.

The fucking UI lag causes mouse events in the editor to aggregate and act fucking weird when it's randomly reloading scripts and shit.

I just needed to move some assets into another folder. I control clicked a few scripts at the same time Unity decided to recompile them. It ended up thinking I was making a box selection and then, weirdly, some mouse combo that duplicates scripts (didn't even know that existed).

Okay, whatever, nbd. I just control clicked the other scripts (all with `1` postfixes) to delete them. No problemo, right click, delete.

FUCKING UNITY LAGGED, THOUGHT I BOX-SELECTED AGAIN, AND DELETED EVERYTHING IN THE GOD DAMNED FUCKING FOLDER. HOURS OF WORK. JUST GONE.

FUCK YOU UNITY. YOU'VE CRASHED THREE TIMES THIS WEEK AND NOW THIS. FUCK YOU.

Learning teh Java Scripts

Yay! My first bash project :D
disclaimer - my bash is not pretty. yet.

Why I created it?
I encountered several footlong scripts in a new project at work. And they had no logging. And I am in charge of making it sing again. So here it is a tiny logging framework.

No better feeling than being able to debug something with your own scripting language... Kind of makes you feel like a god!

Even better when you debug your own scripts with it :-D

My productivity has gradually increased untill now by using:

Linux-server+VSCode (+Git+Terminal)+tmux+tmux-resurrect

Any further suggestion on dev tooling setup would be appreciated.

I primarily work on DevOps projects - bash scripts, linux server apps, containers, kubernetes,

I want to be the laziest person in the world. So, I'm always creating automation scripts to make my work easier. But after 2+ years of doing automation, they seem mediocre. Anyone here can make ADVANCED automation scripts? (Using python or any other language)
If you have any open source automation project, please comment the link here. Want to take some inspiration. Thanks

Why Microsoft, why.

We have our own Powershell Scripts to delete unwanted apps that are installed from Microsoft on Windows 10, like XBOX app.

I installed a new workstation for a new worker and deleted the apps with the scripts.

The Day the new worker arrived, it was my task to give him an introduction, what Programs we are using and so on.

Worker logs into machine and opens Startmenu.
All Apps that I have deleted with the scripts are back!

Why, you ask. Because Microsoft made it so, that when a new user logs in on a machine he has never been before, every single apps that has been deleted is reinstalled.

I'm searching for a method to shut this down for good.

Help is much appreciated.

Share your look-busy scripts

I'm talking about some script, or command(s) which output impressive garbage to the screen. For instance, `tree / | od` or `ping google.ca | xxd` might be enough to dazzle an executive, but to really ensnare a fellow dev, you need to get a bit more complex.

So let's see those scripts! From stupid simple, to application-level complex, I wanna see 'em all! :D

I can confirm your test scripts are working as you intended to. @-red

Writing prank scripts in VBS after i found one on the school server

My file structure:

Documents -
- That one impeccably structured folder that I never remember to put anything in

- Gigantic project folder that will some day kill me in my sleep

- That one unrelated folder that all of my non project scripts just end up in. No structure whatsoever

- about 2 billion loose files

This guy looks very promising and has experience, let's let him make a test site...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN 4 JQUERY SCRIPTS IN THE SAME PAGE?

btw the versions are, in order of appearance:
3.5.1
2.1.3
1.11.2 (!!!)
And the last one within the body: 3.6.0

Such a professional.

Uhhh look at me I R node.js developer I R so smart I write Java Scripts on the backend uuuhhhhhh

Idiots.

Course title: Advanced Database Management

Course Objectives:
-Create a database with SQL.
-Describe data normalization of database information.
-Describe distributed database management system.
-Design databases based on Entity Relationship modeling.
-Discuss connecting to databases with server-side scripts.
-Discuss database administration and security.
-Discuss database systems

Like. Come. On.

Creates PHP scripts for development SQL server, pushes to production to find out the schemas are different. *face palm*

Thank god for docker and dockerfiles, I can't stand having to install PHP extensions that require 3 to 4 programs to work properly. Especially if I just have a throwaway script and don't want to install pecl, build scripts and phpize, don't want that shit on my system

I am so fucking happy I spent time and money getting a college degree in computer science so I can write python scripts to label data. Seriously fuck my lead

Being able to build automating tools and scripts. It's cool building your own tools, and even cooler if you like the process.

You learn to use build scripts and VC the hard way after one "gcc -c main.cpp -o main.cpp"

There was this project where a bunch a scripts had been running for three weeks analysing a bunch of fileshares. The project was in overrun and the analysis wasn't anywhere near done.

I was given complete isolation and a team of people who were instructed to do anything I needed. I had them replicate the data to as many machines as possible and I started scripting the analysis with some sample data. After half a day of collecting laptops, desktops and severs I transfered my scripts to those machines and ran the analysis in 5 hours.

I felt like I saved the project.

If you like scripting I can recommended you Perl6.
It may be no as popular as other languages or its predecessor, but its definitely worth a try.
Its also and excellent replacement for Shell-Scripts.

Imagine implementing PHP scripts which execute shell commands defined in URL GET query params on your customer's dedicated server without any basic authentication or similar. The only security is by barely obfuscating it's URL.
I think I've seen it all now...

I do some robotics stuff on the side. We built our robot around a Raspberry Pi last year. We had 2 Python scripts talking over TCP, one for the bot, one for the controller. Overflowed the buffer on the bot and it went berserk once the script crashed.

Wouldn't say our teamwork failed we just sucked that day.

I had a ticket to fix a SQL sp and then correct some data afterwards. As this was the typical "urgent fix need now" we went through a different process for fixing it.

Me: Just sent you some scripts can you check them over before we apply it to uat?
Boss: let's go through it together.
5 mins later
Boss: looks fine I'll apply the scripts.
2 minutes later
Me: did you apply the scripts to uat?
Boss: No I applied them to live.
Me: oh ... oh no.

At this point I realized I was missing a critical where clause so yup my update was applied against all of the data.

Boss: oh
Yup he just spotted my error.

Helpdesk phones start ringing
Boss: you pick it up it's your code
Me: hey you applied its your problem now.

One db restore and several incident meetings later we fixed it. Twas a fun day.

Nothing ruins my day like having to touch up python scripts. I'm predominantly a Java dev and never learned Python properly so every time I do it its THE WORST

New colleague comes to present himself. Sees me editing using key bindings, multiple buffers showing in Emacs, bash scripts running in separate terminal...
"I have no idea what you do around here, but I'm sure your a pro"

Seems like a smart guy to me.

Meanwhile I was sitting in my Python class.
Suddenly she starts teaching about CGI Scripts and how widely they are used in these days' web interfaces.
:3
Being a web dev myself, this felt so sad.
Considering the advent of so many web frameworks that make it so much easier for the developer to ship a website, who'd use CGI scripts until it's a total nessecary.

Now , what's much worse is she wants us to write a CGI Script for making a resume generator?
I don't know what to do with her..!

One thing my dev years have showed me through various systems:
The world is held together by masses of scripts. And most of them are horribly bad, unmaintainable, extremely complex and usually not replaced on requirement changes, but extended by other terrible scripts to get the desired behaviour.

Windows is based on tons of shitty batch scripts, powershell madness, WSH bullshit and VBS absurdity.
GNU/Linux is build upon trillions of incomprehensible shell scripts, heaps of python gizmo and perl mysteries.
Every complex system I've seen uses batch or shell scripts to fire up its runtime.

And it doesn't seem to get any better, so let's face it, we're doomed.

Best: learned to code, started writing smart-home scripts for home automation and developed biologic and quantitative data analysis scripts in Python and R.
Worst: didn't get paid to develop them and haven't got enough experience for it to be more than a hobby.

Anyone use AutoHotKeys?

If you do, what are some scripts you use daily?

I also plan to create some of my own scripts and I need suggestions

I refuse to write test scripts to tickets I fix.

** me setting up GitLab CI **

- run pipeline
- FAIL
- env variable not passed to one of the shell scripts

- set -x, rerun
- FAIL
- same reason. env variable is OK in the `set -x` output

- comment out `set -x`, rerun
- still FAIL
- same reason

- find a `set +x` left in one of the scripts
- comment that out
- rerun
- PASS

- WTF?!?!?!?
- continue on swearing for wasted better half of the day debugging my scripts

Recieved some code from a client to review for porting it to a new system.

They sent the PHP scripts copy pasted into seperate Word Documents and skipped the most important file (containing the business logic functions).

I wrote some simple pen test scripts that automatically get executed on every ip in my fail2ban log.

Ip count: 2500+ in a few days. Probably victims of botnet. Some have mysql, postgres, smb open and many of them support user/pass auth on their ssh.

The scripts were a lot of fun to write but I don't expect much results.

Does downloading on all the scripts to a 3D webgl game to a free server so my friends could play it count?

About two weeks ago I had a cyber security competition. I spent a week or so working on a bash script so I didn't have two spend hours and hours on end doing tedious tasks to get points.

So here comes competition day and I have about 12 or so scripts that I predicted to get 60 or so of the 100 points. I open the competition image, grab my scripts, and run my call script (script that calls all the other scripts). Maybe 15 minutes later, the script is done...

ZERO FUCKING POINTS. I double checked all the files that the scripts configured and all of them worked. But NONE the vulnerabilities that my script fixed were vulnerabilities that the scoring report counted. Instead of me taking 20 to 30 minutes on the image it took my and 1:07... doesn't sound like much but the highly competitive people finished in around 1 hour and the people who just didn't give a shit about Linux took 3 hours...

Luckily... I was put onto the highly competitive team after that and it all worked out... I'll hopefully add more to this script before next competition.

Using a brute force dictionary algorithm to retrieve every employees password. Access got blocked for a day because they didn't know what my algorithm did, I deleted the main file moments ago. They only saw the curl scripts.

So I suck at scripts, windows scripts namely. I need a script to monitor a program on machine and send an email if it goes down. There are eight instances running on the machine and they can be determined to be working if a specific port is open, one port per instance. I have no clue where to start and I thought it could be done with some existing service or script. Suggestions?

Oh boy. 2.5k loc of legacy bash code. The task is to give every function its own script since that is literally what this script is. Cha8ned together individual scripts . Fingers crossed its actually just breaking out functions :x

Company started automated testing recently, and the devs need to review the test scripts.

The tester assigned to my component writes script to trigger button click and nothing else to verify the result.

I couldn't​ even. I just left work for the day.

Another anectode from my apprenticeship:
Boss comes into the office, looks at my screen: „So Mr Possum, writing scripts again? Process some customer orders instead.“
My Screen: html in notepad++ (as I was also responsible for the company website)
Me: */ wtf man? */ Alright sir.

merged a complicated pipeline script based on 3 other scripts, and it worked the first time I run it.
Pretty sure There was a Disturbance in Force...

Best: VSCode, Typescript, Webpack
Worst: mov ax, bl

I work on a daily bases in Photoshop and never considered that I can create scripts for it.. It's a whole new woooooooorrrrld (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ

Developer problems:
6 different package managers to keep up to date.

Gem
Pip
Npm
Emacs
Homebrew
Aptitude

Good thing bash scripts and cron jobs exist

Making scripts for custom physics is fun. One moment, the object gets stuck on the ground. The next, it shoots off into the far distance.

Lesson of the day? Don't be an idiot for once, stop, grab a notebook, Google some formulas and think like a human being before messing around with the script again.

my work drives me crazy sometimes, our production tables dont have primary keys or indexes. There are several tables who are basically the same, most scripts/reports are hacked together with no common agreement on dates/values and as a result, it is almost impossible to check whether values are correct or not.

What the hecking heck. My Javascript doesn't work in Edge EXCEPT for when I open - only open - the developer console, then everything works fine. And it is hard to debug stuff without developer tools, especially since Edge doesn't note console.info when the developer console is closed.
(No, I'm not even using external scripts)

I've started learning shell scripting to help me write npm scripts for my web dev workflows. I'm actually really enjoying working with the shell.

Build Phase Scripts in Swift

I've tried to give it many chances, but I just don't think Python will ever be for me. Even "quick and dirty" scripts are faster for me in a statically-typed language with static syntax checking and sensible code completion.

Do not offer anyone to help them with their scripts, ever.
I had to do something as there were things like "cd $DIR; rm *". No checks if the folder got changed, no qutoes to prevent breaking on spaces. A problem waiting to happen. And it did. We don't know what the script deleted in the wrong folder to this day.
The scripts have no functions, some files have over 50% duplicate code. I was an idiot and thought running it through shellcheck and doing basic prevention of them shooting their own foot would be enough.
And there is no way to convince the guy to start writing the code properly. Should have kept my mouth shut.

I quite often run untested scripts on production systems or hot fix JavaScript files on live using Emacs...

I refuse to believe that I'm the only person with a text file full of my frequently used scripts in different languages with no particular assortment
Because I find it slightly stupid to rewrite the same thing over again every single damn time

Company website had some video playlists that weren't working, because the javascript required to run them was interacting with some of squarespace's scripts, so I dropped the video players in iframes and haven't looked back

Reasons not to work here...
Windoze
Insurance
One line scripts with no help option
Java
Windoze
5am meetings, working 10 hours a day then getting on again between 9pm and 5am, to accommodate for employees in India
WINDOZE

Edit - can't forget the worst laptop track pad in history 😂

I've just wasted 2 hours fixing an issue with a GitLab CI YAML definition, all because of a single colon:

echo "Detected changes: compiling new locks"

I swear to god, whoever thought it is a good idea to use YAML for CI scripts should rot in hell.

Just want to share some admiration to all the tech youtubers out there who write and read out their scripts with the amount of information and technicalities...

Been working on a script for about a week now and holy shit it is not easy at all!

I am just saying that many successful biotechs were built on shoddy Unix scripts.

We don’t have to go that far anymore, but if your programmers are swearing at you in five years about your terrible code, that’s a win! You lasted five years and grew enough to hire judgmental programmers! Congratulations!

- Michele busby

Work has been inefficiently using multiple cron jobs to run php scripts to generate pre-baked data.

The last two days I took the steps needed to internalize all those scripts and run them from an individual php controller which is ran from Jenkins. My script keeps track of scheduling and error tracking.

I'd say I'm pretty proud of what I came up with.

I have reinstalled node js 3 times to run JS scripts and "npm run dev" is not starting up the server. This is quite frustrating.

Just opened a terminal window on my PC through SSH with a reminder to write two reminder scripts. Reminder-ception?

"Send me a unity package file when you're done, which includes any models, scripts, and prefabs."
Seems like someone didn't take a lesson in naming or basic computer housecleaning.

Would you use jsfuck for to make it a little harder on people to read the scripts?

less than a week into my new job I'm already writing shell scripts and python scripts to automate my tasks
- it's a windows machine
- Cannot install anything without admin privileges
- powershell is locked, cannot run scripts
- can't even change my wallpaper without privilages
thankfully git bash for windows runs without installation
python also runs without installation

Of course im mature...

... a mature geek

"scripts": {
"byThePowerOfGraph!": "nodemon server.js"
}

When you take your fast but plain cgi scripts and convert them to fastcgi...
"no way the page parsed and analyzed 325 XML trees this fast" 😇

A crowdsourced curated list of python scripts

So I was messing around in unity, as you do. And I made an explosion mechanic platformer. The scripts were all working well. I saved it for the day.
The next day I booted unity and my scripts were gone, and the scene switcher won't work.
So I mean, partly my fault. Partly google drive's fault and partly unity's fault.

Countless times have I had to replace shell scripts that use sshpass+rootpw in plain text, written by people often described as, "brilliant."

to add a bit of fancyness i print the scripts name and 'by' my 'artists name' whenever scripts are executed. today i got a call 'it says error on line 1, what did i do wrong?' i am still laughing tears. did not consider this programmers joke to have an impact irl.

Remember guys, don't make a bad impression. Keep your Java Scripts in the right place.

When the client doesn’t give you the required permissions to run your scripts

We have a brand new employee who won't ever shut the hell up. He likes talking about "my scripts" a whole lot. Guy really loves scripts. He'd admitted to copying these strings from his previous company.

We had an all-tech meeting today and he went on and on, talking about what was at this old company. He's so damn annoying. Listening to him is pure cringe.

After 4 years of being cautious not to stir the waters it happened again. There was much gratefulness. Then there was much hate. Yesterday I accidentally replaced 17 people department with 3 scripts.

Finally found a use for my rpi 2 after more than a year xD
Small testing env for client server scripts and OS portability, later project buy a rpi zero W and try to use it as something probably illegal :/
Feelsgood

Open inspector from Chrome in front of your friends and proceed to deleting annoying ads or bypassing scripts like a boss.

been fighting with nginx and php-fpm becuase the dev makes php scripts that run longer than 1 minutes even the connection between nginx and the php socks is giving up on life.

So on the weekend I picked up a project again I started 6-8 month ago. Due to automated scripts and documentation I could reach the point where I left of month before in a few hours. It's nice when writing docs and scripts pays off :-D

when youve optimised your front end code to be blazing fast then marketing says put in these 10 blocking scripts plz we need more emails

Why is it that one loading screen/bar is so taunting... but several on various devices, simultaneously puts my mind at ease?

...or is it just me?

I don't mean the ominous, never fully complete, rotating circle shit... that's annoying with 1 instance and exponentially worse in multiples.

Seriously, those circle indicators (several varieties) genuinely make me want to... do things that shouldn't be mentioned cuz that'd solidify the case of premeditated.

I also enjoy my servers' preboot output, mass linux updates and generally any script output dialogs... it's like confirmation that everything is doing/where as it should.

Right now, in my student job.
Create a multi-department + multi-lingual intranet, only using SharePoint and out of the box features. Can't add my own scripts or web parts. I'm now the master of workarounds

Confession - Testdriven UnitTests
First of all, I regret all and wish there would be no SQL Scripts but an external tool to analyze data, but the project grew hysterically and when I joined the sh*t had already been established...
I had to test some SQL Scripts. As there is no real UnitTest framework which is under development/gets support, the whole suite is kinda buggy.
So I had my script, and had the required input + expected output, but the UnitTest always failed. So I manipulated the framework parameters until the test finally passed.
Shame on me and on the project, but atleast there are tests now...

You know you have grown up when your scripts start with #!/bin/sh instead of #!/bin/bash 😉

My biggest ambition? I'm working on a programming language as a side project right now. I'd like to get it to a point where id rather use my language over something like Python for small scripts. And maybe even do a larger project using my language.

Just started to learn to properly use a linker and honestly...

linker scripts really aren't that great 😐

So the university computer science lab computers run Oracle Solaris 11.........and we not allowed to use an ide to write out Python scripts ,gonna use nano

The evolution of code, in Python:
-Many scripts
-Refactor common functions into a Utility class
-Make the scripts into classes/methods with a "static main"
-Create a super script to run them all

I'd provide a screen shot of the last but to much propriety info... But yes it looks short and simple 😄😊

Is it okay to learn Perl and Ruby?
As I'm a networking guy and i want to write exploits of my own.
I have already been learning Perl and writing scripts.
I just want to know is it worth it in this era to learn these languages?

At the end of my shift I updated my work linux with corporate update, shutdown and go home. Next day I come to work, try to boot up but ends up in kernel panic.
tfw I lost my personal scripts and projects.
tmw when whole department has bricked computers.