Total garbage

"If Java had true garbage collection, most programs would delete themselves upon execution." - Robert Sewell

Manager: We need to setup the security in the Mexico server

Dev: You mean that 3rd party firewall add on?

Manager: Yes

Dev: And set up the billing on the Mexico account?

Manager: Yes

Dev: lol, sure thing I’ll create the ticket

Manager: What’s so funny?

Dev: Nothing

Ticket: Build wall and get Mexico to pay for it.

Relatives: You're a computer guy, right, what are you working on these days?
Me: *should I bother explaining, should I not* Oh, just some stuff.
R: Oh come on, tell us, how difficult can it be?
M: *sigh* I'm working on a custom garbage collector for-
R: !!

They're now under the impression that I'm involved in collecting rubbish from bins. Sigh. My hair doesn't help here, either, lol (I have one of those tangled, unruly mops of hair)

This will take time to explain.

I find the way to collect the garbage.

If Java had true garbage collector it would delete itself.

User: We have been dealing with this bug for a month now! How come nobody has fixed it?

Dev: Who did notify about this issue?

User: You’re not listening we have been dealing with this for a MONTH!

Dev: When this issue first occurred did you tell anyone?

User: Yes!

Dev: Who?

User: …. Ok I don’t remember but I know I said something to someone. Anyway it doesn’t matter, your job is IT so how come this isn’t fixed?

Dev: Did you have an email? Ticket number? Teams message? Any record of where this was dropped?

User: I think you’re missing the point. We haven’t been able to do out jobs for A MONTH. We’ve just been sitting around completely helpless. We’ve been trying to figure a system using paper and pencil to replace the electronic one but it’s too complicated. How come this wasn’t fixed the second it happened?

Dev: It’s hard to respond to an issue if it’s not brought to out attention.

User: Ok but we are too busy to create a ticket! We have a million things to do and we can’t do any of them because your app doesn’t work! We’ve been sitting here telling each other how terrible this system is AND IT HAS BEEN A MONTH.

Dev: …. Yeah I got that

Manager: Good news everyone, I made a big giant announcement this morning that the app upgrades will be released today!

Dev: They definitely won’t be, we need another 2 weeks minimum. I told you yesterday

Manager: Ok well I already made the announcement that today was the day so too bad for you.

Dev: Doesn’t change the state of things

Manager: 😡 This announcement is supposed to motivate you to work faster! You guys are making me look bad when you don’t support me like this!

Dev: Working as fast as we can, it’s a 2 person dev team for 4 separate applications so it’s quite a bit to get pushed through

Manager: Ok well then stay extra then, we have to get this out asap. Tell your spouses they are not going to be seeing much of you until this work is done. People are starting to ask questions!!!!!

Dev: Not my problem, it’s done when its done. I’m not staying extra.

Manager: !!

// *************

Might be blowing my cover a little but what are they going to do? Fire me? Good luck getting this out without me. They’ve tried to replace me in the past but the cheapest person they could find was 60k more expensive than me and still couldn’t keep up. Probably they’ll ship the work overseas and the code will die in a dumpster fire and cost them even more. Ah well, just another company that doesn’t deserve code.

Me: *uploads pre-alpha images of game demo to twitter*

User: "That's a game? It looks like shit."

Me: "I was just showing off a test."

User: "No, like your entire game is garbage."

Me: "Okay? Don't play it."

User: "Also hacking is illegal, so you shouldn't be advertising it in your garbage game."

Me: *explodes into barely readable rant* 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Dev: *Recieves email from manager with several typos/grammar mistakes asking to open attachment with strange name and click on tinyurl style link*

Dev: *Flags as phishing*

Manager: Hey how come you didn’t action my email?

Dev: That was actually from you?

Manager: Yes.

Dev: …

"Who the fuck wrote this garbage?"
colleague checks commit log
"..."
"Fuck, it was me"

Dev submitting PR: “Testing instructions: Self explanatory”

Dev reviewing PR: You need to be a bit more verbose than that.

Dev submitting PR: “Testing instruction: Feature should work as expected”

Dev reviewing PR: *sigh*… Feature doesn’t work as expected

Dev submitting PR: WHAT IS NOT WORKING AS EXPECTED??? I NEED MORE DETAIL THAN THAT!!

Dev reviewing PR: …….So do I you muppet

Garbage collectors always fail to dispose of one critical thing: my code.

I tried to download a 441GB torrent with a gigabit down and I ended up crashing my garbage router

I tell my Google assistant it's a stupid piece of garbage all the time lmao

Thanks C for making me feel like garbage

Too real.

java garbage collector...

Recruiter: So you’re in Canada?

Dev: One sec let me check

*Points webcam out window at ongoing blizzard*

Dev: Yup, that looks like Canada to me

Recruiter: Ok I am just confirming

Dev: Me too

Dev: I'm going to a engineering and robotics seminar this weekend

Manager: Stupid. Waste of time.

Dev: I also got invited to go to a 2 day tech and innovation conference

Manager: Another a stupid waste of time.

Dev: The CEO's son invited me and is paying for it, he said he thought it would be interesting to me.

Manager: ...Well as long as it's not on company time

Dev: It is on company time, I won't have time for tickets

Manager: WHAT!? YOU HAVE TO SAY NO, WE ARE BUSY!! WE CAN'T NOT HAVE YOU FOR 2 DAYS.

Dev: Duely noted you said that and you think the whole idea is stupid. Take it up with him I already RSVP'd yes.

Manager: 😡😡😡😡😡😡

Interviewer: I don't understand. With a resume and portfolio like yours you shouldn't be applying to companies like us. You should be setting your sights on companies like Google/Meta. You'd be bored here after everything you've done so far. I know we're offering more money than your current position but you're worth more believe me. I'm going to keep looking, and so should you. But you need to aim higher.

Dev: ...

Well fuck me I guess?

The next person that says “top priority” gets their fucking tongue cut out

HR: Hey you really need to be more sensitive with what you say

Dev: What makes you bring this up?

HR: Well we had a concerned employee overhear you telling one of the interns that the Russian word for “approved” is “blyat”.

Dev: Ah.

QA: Rapidly toggling between light and dark mode causes screen to flash unpleasantly

Dev: …

Manager: Absolutely everything must be done with libraries, vanilla JS solutions are absolutely prohibited!

Manager: Why is our app so slow to load? Is there a library we can install to speed the loading up?

Me: *spends 3 days configuring my linux mint install to not look like garbage, installing stuff, making a lot of scripts*

Linux mint 19 "Tara": *releases*

Me: fuck

Damn girl you're java!
Hot as hell still a garbage collector🔥

Let's take bets on the root cause of the S3 outage!

I'm guessing a bad deploy of a sever-side Java application with a garbage collection problem.

When you think php is pure garbage but this third party tool that you really need is fully written on it and you have to use it.

- hang on for a second
- why?
- The garbage collector should pick you up any minute now

My soft skills are so soft they don’t even exist

ARGH. I wrote a long rant containing a bunch of gems from the codebase at @work, and lost it.

I'll summarize the few I remember.

First, the cliche:
if (x == true) { return true; } else { return false; };
Seriously written (more than once) by the "legendary" devs themselves.

Then, lots of typos in constants (and methods, and comments, and ...) like:
SMD_AGENT_SHCEDULE_XYZ = '5-year-old-typo'

and gems like:

def hot_garbage
magic = [nil, '']
magic = [0, nil] if something_something
success = other_method_that_returns_nothing(magic)
if success == true
return true # signal success
end
end

^ That one is from our glorious self-proclaimed leader / "engineering director" / the junior dev thundercunt on a power trip. Good stuff.

Next up are a few of my personal favorites:

Report.run_every 4.hours # Every 6 hours
Daemon.run_at_hour 6 # Daily at 8am

LANG_ENGLISH = :en
LANG_SPANISH = :sp # because fuck standards, right?

And for design decisions...

The code was supposed to support multiple currencies, but just disregards them and sets a hardcoded 'usd' instead -- and the system stores that string on literally hundreds of millions of records, often multiple times too (e.g. for payment, display fees, etc). and! AND! IT'S ALWAYS A FUCKING VARCHAR(255)! So a single payment record uses 768 bytes to store 'usd' 'usd' 'usd'

I'd mention the design decisions that led to the 35 second minimum pay API response time (often 55 sec), but i don't remember the details well enough.

Also:
The senior devs can get pretty much anything through code review. So can the dev accountants. and ... well, pretty much everyone else. Seriously, i have absolutely no idea how all of this shit managed to get published.

But speaking of code reviews: Some security holes are allowed through because (and i quote) "they already exist elsewhere in the codebase." You can't make this up.

Oh, and another!
In a feature that merges two user objects and all their data, there's a method to generate a unique ID. It concatenates 12 random numbers (one at a time, ofc) then checks the database to see if that id already exists. It tries this 20 times, and uses the first unique one... or falls through and uses its last attempt. This ofc leads to collisions, and those collisions are messy and require a db rollback to fix. gg. This was written by the "legendary" dev himself, replete with his signature single-letter variable names. I brought it up and he laughed it off, saying the collisions have been rare enough it doesn't really matter so he won't fix it.

Yep, it's garbage all the way down.

Manager: That last dev you hired is working out well. Where did you get him from?

Dev: *Looking at new hire’s resume which only contains a single bootcamp and nothing else*

Dev: He’s a rescue.

Real Java programmers don't die. They just get garbage collected...

Nevermind...

If Java had true garbage collector, most programs would delete themselves upon execution. -Robert Sewel 😂😂

Reddit: Every developer eventually either goes insane or becomes a farmer.

Dev: …I hope I become a farmer

A Month ago...
Me: when are you going to complete the report
Friend: we can do it in minutes
Me: you can't Ctrl + c and Ctrl +v as there is plagiarism check
Friend: we have spin bot
Me: you do that now itself . if something happens? You can join me .
Friend: just chill

Now ...
Me: done with report
Friend: feeding it to spin bot!

Feeds text related to database security....

Spin bot:
Garbage collector == city worker
SQL statements == SQL explanation
SQL queries == SQL interrogation
SQL injection == SQL infusion
Attack == assault
Malicious == noxious
Data integrity == information uprightness
Sensitive == touchy
.....
Me: told you so...
**spin not == article rewriter

Manual Garbage cleaner in java.

The best part about solving problems in code is there is no one right answer.

Except for this. This is clearly the wrong way. This is garbage and you are a garbage person for writing it. This code you wrote is the reason your own children will never love you.

A Microsoft Surface is not a computer it’s Windows installed on a crêpe

Fucking GARBAGE

Sitting in the hall, quietly listening to an Arduino tutorial and I bring up terminal cuz I didn’t have the IDE and unnamed teacher starts yelling at me for hacking?!? Fuck ignorant teachers.

If java had real garbage collection then most programs would delete themself immediately upon running.

Manager: *taps dev on shoulder* Hey I noticed a minor bug I think

Dev: Sigh…. So then create a ticket for it

Manager: Can’t you just fix it right now?

Dev: I can but I’m currently working on that other issue you told everyone was “top priority” at the morning status meeting. Should I switch to actioning this minor bug instead?

Manager: Don’t switch just multitask and work faster!

Dev: …

PHP7
0 == ‘foobar’ // true

PHP8
0 == ‘foobar’ // false

Nuff said. Before you tell me that js also has quirks, just remember that js having quirks doesn’t make php less garbage.

<rant>
I swear to god if see another "Here's how I made my amazing new website with Wixs" advert on Youtube, I'm going to throw my laptop out the god damn window!
</rant>

Put this in your build script for compile-time garbage collection:

find / -name "*.java" -type f -delete

Merging my slaves into “main” just isn’t the same.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
/s

HR: I’m sure you know what this meeting is about

Dev: My script that converts the name of our 3rd party IT provider in any email thread I reply to with “PooPoo Inc.”?

HR: No, that is a separate meeting

Dev: Ah.

rant, but not an IT kind... okay, maybe not even a rant, more like depressive rambling:

in 3 days, I'll turn 29.
i'm living with my mom, in the apartment where I was born, in the room i've been living since I was born (with the exception of 2 attempts to move out which together lasted 9 months).

my theoretical monthly income should/could be around 4000€, based on my skills and experience.

but I'm a (manic)-depressive, chronically lonely idiot loser (and the manic phases come more and more rarely in recent years), so
my practical average monthly income fluctuates from 0 to about 200.

i am unable to keep a job for more than 4 months, so after being fired from about 20 or so of them since I was 18, it takes immense amounts of mental and emotional energy to even start looking for one now... so I usually don't.

i've been about 12000€ in debt for the past 8 or so years, half of which is just debt collector fees.
it's kinda funny, for years, i've been unable to solve a debt which theoretically amounts to 3 months of my theoretical achievable salary.

my father, who just left without a word of explanation when I was 18, has decided this is not viable anymore, so I'm supposed to move out by 10th of next month, "either to some cheap rooming house, or under the bridge, I don't care", as he put it.

I can't remember how it feels to exist a single hour without feeling existential dread and dreading each next day, not knowing what to do or if i'll even be able to try and do something, because this feeling is so strong that it often blocks me from being able to do anything. i just shiver most of the time that i'm awake, feeling like you feel few minutes before puking and crying at the same time. and that feeling is my "how are you?", "you know... normal".

i can't remember what it feels to feel any other way and can't even imagine it, and can't imagine that I'll ever achieve any less shit feeling.

literally all of my social contact consists of going out once to twice a month with the only 2 friends and 2 aquaintances I have who have the time and will to spend it with me.
oh, and hiding in my room, avoiding talking to my mom, because each time we talk she just reminds me what a piece of shit failure I am, and tells me how it's not that hard to change it, I just have to stop being lazy and start working for it.

she's... kind and caring about it, which somehow maybe makes it even worse.

i have about 10 almost complete game designs, each of them at least 50% more original and interesting (at least to me) than the things that are coming out for the past 10 years, being lauded as "the most original and unique".

I have been trying to make them, ANY of them, since I was 18, but I always lose all the drive and resolve and energy in like 4 months, because it's like trying to build a city on my own on a deserted island. too big for one person, but there was never anyone to help me. closest I ever got was one of my friends telling me "i've been thinking many times that i'd love to work on some project with you, if I had the time".
and second time, when I actually found an artist I was going to pay, and he was awesome, and after two weeks of me telling him how awesome what he does is and how it fits the project and my ideas perfectly, he backed out saying "i'm afraid I can't do the quality you require from me".

never ever in my life did I get actual help with something I actually wanted or tried to do.

i have no idea how it feels to have someone working with me on something I actually consider interesting and meaningful, on any of the things which I wanted to make, which made me learn programming.

I've learned graphics and animation and everything going into game making pipeline on my own because I realized nobody will ever help me, so I'll have to do all of it on my own.

I've tried to make a kickstarter once, but I started crying hysterically in the middle of writing it, because I felt like a begging piece of failure shit, even more than usual, so I deleted it.

most of people treat me like shit failure unworthy and undeserving of living, precisely as I myself know I deserve to be treated, because that's what I am, but when I ask for permission to kill myself, since I see no other solution to stop being a burden, they get angry at me that I'm just emotionally blackmailing them. when I afterwards ask them "so help me in any way to do any of the projects i want/need to do", they respond they've got no time for that.

when I talk about all of this, I get told to stop whining.

happy 29th birthday, me, a piece of shit who should've never survived this long, who should've never been born in the first place.
yay.

also, I know this is not the kind of crap that's supposed to be posted here, but i've got nowhere else. sorry.

Every time I think
"Who the fuck coded this peace of garbage"

And then git blame the file

Only to see that it was me... 3+ months ago

Fuck Swift is garbage. 😡

How did such a promising language turn into such a steaming 💩??

This may be controversial but I think open-sourcing it may have been a huge mistake.

???: Salesforce is simply the best. You can do anything you can dream of with it. It can solve all of your pro—

Dev: Sir, this is a Wendy’s.

Why in the flying motherfuck can't people remember the fact that other people might have to read their code?! If you're not gonna name things properly, and mess everything up with utterly useless and garbage comments (all comments are useless and garbage), then the least you can do is fucking format and indent it properly!! GAWD FAKKIN' DAMNIT!!

Microsoft teams is garbage. That is all.

An old one, but still pretty funny 😂

If Java had true Garbage Collection, it would delete itself.

You left me a tiny hole to look through, I can’t even PUT FUCKING AWAY that garbage and you expect me to trust you on design! Fuck you!

Microsoft hates this one trick to improving computer performance:

‘’’pkill teams’’’

If Java and Javascript are garbage collected, why do they still exist?

Fuck Apple even more than before. Keep all your proprietary garbage, I don't need any of it.

Ticket: This API param doesn’t work.
Ticket Size: 1 story point / extra small baby fries

Found the issue almost immediately: some fucked up date math. Or at least backwards as hell. I don’t know. I don’t care.

There’s no spec for it, and writing it is a bitch. None of the API test helpers are designed for end-to-end tests. Why? I don’t care. They’re stupid. They all just break. And the API does weird shit like fucking redirects to an HTML page. Which is… i don’t know. They mix up API and embedded sessions a bunch, so who knows if this is right or broken as fuck.

I can’t deal with this shit anymore.
It’s just mountains of fucking garbage. Every time I dig into anything, anywhere in this codebase, or, let’s be honest: the entire goddamn company, it’s just more fucking garbage. The code is garbage. The specs are garbage. The people are garbage. The woke crap they love so much is garbage. The industry is garbage. The macs we’re required to use are garbage. The strongly-encouraged editor is garbage. The new hires are garbage. The legendary devs are garbage. The VPN is garbage — still haven’t gotten it to fucking work outside of fucking Safari, which is also garbage. The meetings are garbage. The “culture” is garbage. The “raises” are garbage. The thirty-step dance ceremony for each ticket is garbage. The literal fucking garbage at the office is the best part of the entire goddamn landfill.

And yeah, over half of the code that’s been giving me problems on this ticket was written by the same dev: The legendary golden garbage boy himself.

Just.
Fucking hell.

I’m going back to looking for work again. I can’t do this anymore.

My employer doesn't allow us to use Linux; I have to use MacOS because "Windows is sooooo bad".
Fucking hell I'd choose Windows every day if the year over this garbage fucking OS

fuck printers

and fuck especially their never working garbage software

Most business apps end up being overcomplicated and convoluted because that’s what most businesses are:

Overcomplicated and convoluted.

Building an app to operate systems like that will always be an exercise in garbage in garbage out. Fix your process before saying wE nEeD An aPp To Do ThIs. You don’t need an app. You need a smack upside the head.

Clean your country be like garbage collector 😀

When it finally works after hours or days of suffering.

Or, when you clean things up and get to delete some garbage code.

Makes it all worth it in the end

People that blast their video in a restaurant that isn't that loud are awful people.

Like fuck you I don't wanna hear your garbage video at full volume you cock sucking cunts.

I told a guy to implement an algorithm in cpp. He wrote this weird 600+ lines of code which contains only global variables and void functions then I told him to make it object oriented and he just put all those garbage in the class and gave me back and on top of that class name is Template and file name is template.cpp. I don't have words to describe his code. May be this picture can help you understand my state. Oh, if you think this matchOn_r1, r2,r3 are different then you are mistaken they are just different with one argument (one global argument). This is just part of the code. He has this shit all over the place. Why the fuck this kind of people exists?

Medium is hot garbage.

fucking piece of garbage postman!

WHY THE HELL do you auto-update yourself when i explicitly DISABLED updates?

why the hell is it just a "minor" update to switch to a version that FORCES you to have an account, even if all you do is use offline features?

and why is there no option to disable syncing your data to their server, even if it's not needed at all? YALL EVER HEARD OF A THING CALLED PRIVACY?

and why the fucking fuck of all fucked fucks DO YOU DELETE MY PREVIOUS OFFLINE DATA SO I CAN'T EVEN CONTINUE WORKING BY INSTALLING AN OLDER VERSION?!?

some dumb-piece-of-garbage-waste-of-oxygen managers decision to screw their userbase cost me several HOURS(!) of work already and probably will cost some more due to the lost collections.

Fuck Cypress. It’s a fucking goddamn pile of diseased garbage. Its design decisions actively fight against you, its methods don’t work, it’s unreliable as fuck, and it intentionally keeps stale state so your tests fuck with one another — and that even fucks up its own interface so nothing fucking works.

It’s like stepping into the shower and expecting clean water, but instead it’s just some obese guy with diarrhea shitting in your hair, and then getting all indignant that you’re upset about it.

If you consider using Cypress for something, find another project.

FUCK TOMCAT
FUCK JAVA
FUCK SYSTEMJS
FUCK SYNCFUSION
FUCK THIS SHIT WHOEVER DESIGNED ANY OF THIS GARBAGE SHOULD BURN IN THE LOWEST CIRCLE OF HELL.

Eligible java objects for garbage collection

Postman is a bloated piece of garbage

Sometimes in the middle of the night I have awesome design ideas (for logos, UI, etc.), so I wake up, turn on my PC, open Photoshop/Illustrator/XD, and try to reproduce the thought making it a real thing.

Every fucking time the result is garbage…

Anybody ever have a client treat you like a garbage slave and then actually _cry_ over the phone because you quit and now they don't want you to stop working for them?

Oooh what I hate it..... Timezones... Who really came up with that shit? GMT, UTC, CET and garbage like that. And then also the DST crap.

Whats wrong with the same time in the whole world? Without DST or timezone garbage that just makes life harder for both developers and travellers which are going to meet someone or have something booked.

Sweet lord jesus I fucking hate React! I hate whatever those idiots at facebook or whoever decided to change how everything works 15 fucking times in the span of 4 versions. For fuck sakes, the errors are shit. The documentation is shit, the answers to questions are useless!

I hate this fucking framework with a burning passion, I want nothing more than to shove the entirety of the populous that developed this garbage up zuckerburgs ass and then drown him in a vat of boiling piss and motor oil.

Fuck react.

Devs: *talking about coronavirus
Sysadmin: well it looks like the garbage collector in action

This is a followup to my earlier RealTek networking rant.

After reviewing and researching all of the wlan adapter suggestions on that rant, as well as a few more, I settled on an Alfa AWUS036ACH usb3 wireless-ac adapter. Every Alfa I've ever owned has been amazing, so I happily bought it.

It arrived today, and I excitedly threw my existing RealTek garbage across the room, hooked up my fancy new toy, and... nothing.

Fearing it was doa, I ran `lsusb` to see if it was even showing up... and it was! but identifying itself as a RealTek device...?

All of my research showed it uses the Atheros9k chipset. It's advertised and praised as using the "famous Atheros AR9271 chipset" and the Ath9k drivers. Except this particular unit appears to use the RTL8821AU chipset, therefore requiring RealTek drivers. askfja;sldf.

I unhappily fetched the garbage from the dirty laundry where it landed, installed it, and began my research anew.

I found, among all of the wonderful promises of Ath9k bliss, a thread on the Kali forums corroborating the RealTek driver nonsense, and it explained how to get the RTL8821 drivers working with it. which is pretty much the very last thing I want to do.

If you've read any of my networking rants, well, they've all been about how totally awful RealTek linux drivers are, and that's pretty much common knowledge anyway. So I'm like extremely pissed off.

ARGH WHY IS NETWORKING WITH LINUX ALWAYS SO FREAKING DIFFICULT? haslkfjasgdskg

Fuck C++ I am so done with this garbage

No I do not accept differing opinions

People like to shit on Java when it really wouldn't be so bad if Eclipse wasn't the 'default' Java IDE.

Seriously: Eclipse is garbage.

If Java had true garbage collection it'd delete itself. 😫

I see now why people can despise WordPress.

2nd week of just pure learning and I gotta say that I can see that the way it was built was paved with good intentions, but it's clear people wanted more from it and things have only gotten more and more messy.

Honestly, it's fine. It's not my favorite stack, but whatevs.

Fuck this piece of shit!
Windows 11 and Teams.
Fucking garbage!

for the final fucking time

i'm the one who did the 8 hour garbage take home challenge and submitted it

i shouldn't be the one who has to reach out two weeks later to figure out what the status of my application is

oh and you ignore me on whatsapp

fuck you

It's good to piss off a recruiter once in a while to let their true face be revealed,

To be reminded they are sub-human garbage.

So i was working on ruby gem that wraps the libarchive C library which can be used to read and write archives of many different formats.

I was stuck for few days with a segfault and for the life of me, i couldn't find the problem.

So, i took a break and went to visit my grandparent, grandpa saw me so zoned out. So he was like, whats happening? I was like, "Frakinn program, keeps crashing".

He looked at me and said, "Garbage in Garbage out, Computers don't make mistakes" and went back to finish his game.

Then it him me the FRAKINN Ruby Garbage collector is freeing in-use objects and suddenly everything make sense.

Thank you grandpa :D

devRant gross truth time: the garbage can at my desk is used exclusively to dispose of boogers and chewed off fingernails.

Being asked to search in the garbage for a disposed bill.

People that say they want things ASAP. But really mean "no rush, whenever you get to it". Can go fuck themselves.

Oh... You're holding my repo up for ransom? Hah you're funny. I'm not paying money for the garbage I haven't touched since...
Also
git push -f

Cheap computer, Broken AC, Fresh coat of off-white/grey paint, Torn chair with ciggy burns in it, non-adjustable cubicle desk that is wayyyy too high, people from unrelated departments popping by every 15mins to give me an update I didn’t ask for on their inconsequential lives or their opinion on whatever the fuck is the biggest trending hashtag right now.

May I never go back into the office again.

#thoughtsandprayers

Have you heard about Apple's new vacuum cleaner?

It's supposed to be the only Apple product that DOESN'T suck

If anything taught me that garbage collectors aren't the one true answer for memory management then it's got to be modded minecraft

It takes around 10-20 seconds only to disconnect from a game and go back to the main menu.
You also get memory leaks, which result in several second long freezes when the GC kicks in, that happen every 15 seconds.

React is garbage. I refuse to learn something that actually expects me to litter my JS with HTML.

Since when does the garbage collector running actually increase the memory used??!!!

If you’re angry at testers for constantly finding bugs and returning your garbage tasks, don’t. Wipe the Cheetos dust off your fingers and keyboard just once and try to write something that will actually work properly.

C# isn't simply garbage collected.

C# is garbage. Hot garbage that needs to be collected.

Bold and brash? More like belongs in the trash!

In other news I'm now making $20+ an hour ($16 after taxes) turning bolts for a living. Fucking bolts.

More money than I ever made in my life before.
I don't know if this should be a happy statement or a sad one.

The minimum wage in 1963 worked out to 23 dollars an hour, so hey, I can't be doing too bad.

How to psych-out a machine learning algorithm:

> Use a platform for 10 years
> Never like, comment, or give it any inkling of your preferences
> Like one random video
> Never log in again

Java's garbage collector is so bad that if it was good it would have collected all of my code!!

!dev

K pop is garbage and yet somehow their fans are a bigger cancer than that sad excuse of music.

Dev2: I don’t like the way that works

Dev: Me neither. But that’s javascript baby!

So in C++ there is no garbage collector to clean up the mess u leave behind?

And now i feel like a garbage collector.... always cleaning up after monkeys... :(

Ughhhhhh. This fucking code is a disaster! The guy says he built it DRY, but it's WET as fuck! So much fucking repeated code!

I'm annoyed most because I know that it'd be a fucking waste of time to try and rebuild what these guys have built over the past 5 years, but goddamn it, it shouldn't be an excuse to keep on making code like this!

I know that I'm not super experienced in C# but pick up a goddamn book on good coding practices. This thing is a disjointed mess and it never had to get this way.

So many fucking interfaces!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

oh microsoft...

you used to put the artifacts in

bin/Release/net6.0/publish

now you just put them in

bin/Release/net6.0

fucking garbage thanks for the heads up

it's golang from here on out

go run main.go && echo 'byebye fucksticks'

My internet provider is a fucking joke. Joke as in my internet is so garbage that it'd be better if I didn't have any internet at all.

Oh you're a real programmer because you use pointers.... Big man you are. Meanwhile I'm at home because I use a garbage collector and don't have any memory bugs.

Why is LinkedIn such a shitty asshat cringe piece of shit stewed with fakeness and boiled with preposterous dramatic assholes trying to be cool and professional but in real life are fucktards.

Every time I come back to Java:
"Oh man OOP is fun"
A few days later...
"This stupidly verbose, hand-holding garbage."

Docker is a scam.
Git is garbage.
The cloud is a scam.

I hate it all now.

Maybe I should try roofing.

I went outside to throw something into the garbage bin. I threw my bag in there and caught movement with the side of my eye in the bin. Something in the bin was moving! It freaked me out until I realized it was a squirrel.

Well I hope I scared the shit outta him too!

Tried c++ and Qt today

Expected output: "Hello world"
Running normally: (garbage)
Running normally, but outputting the length of the string to qDebug: "Hello world"

W H A T

If it's in Electron, it's garbage.

Today is haut garbage, too much stupid, too much management. Feeling nihilistic. Time to do something crazy

*updates linux-firmware

MacOS sierra is a piece of garbage

There I said it

Submitted a ticket to the 3rd party IT provider today. Just like they always do they close the ticket instantly saying they did the work when they didn’t do anything.

Except this time they went one step further. They documented that they had a conversation with me and that they convinced me that I didn’t need the work done.

No such conversation occurred. I have not changed my mind nor have been given any reason to. They just want their ticket times to appear as fast as possible and are willing to lie through their teeth to achieve that.

Prepare for a shit storm motherfuckers.

Prepare for posts containing 2020++; I’d rather call garbage collection on said year

!rant
If someone asked you to fill a partition with garbage data, what's the fastest way you'd use?

My fav is a piped 'yes' command. I've seen it max SSD's out.

garbage collectors' lifestyle matters!

Ever eyeballed the abyss of your memory leaks? Shit, garbage collectors deserve a raise.

Unsung heroes, janitorialing thru that VM like a dung beetle, silently fucking up your perf so you can do that delicious spaghetti. Indiana-jonesing the fuck out of that memory trash can and euthanizing all that disgusting heap of pointers hanging, dangling, like... well, like garbage.

At the very least they're deterministic, unlike that Markov chain we all had the displeasure of fucking up. Amen? Amen! 🙌🏻

You gotta wonder, though, what goes through their nuggin. Do they reminisce about the potential of that half-ass-written class? Do they weep for the elegance of a forgotten function bottlenecking their job? Nah, probably just counting down the nanoseconds till their next full GC cycle. Aaah, like cold beer in Saturday barbecue.

So next time your program miraculously avoids a memory error, take a moment, put your hands up in the air and say a prayer to your garbage collector.

Silently covering for your fuckups

going over some old code in the project...
thinking what garbage is this?
oh oh it was junior me :(

Dealing with garbage js framework devs who use hundreds of fixed width CSS values in a dynamic page

You know a meeting is boring when even refactoring some legacy garbage is more enticing than just sitting and listening 😬

The one thing they do not say about low-code tools is how much code you have to write when their undocumented garbage doesn't fucking work.

SINGLE

RESPONSIBILITY

FUNCTIONS

HOLY GARBAGE UNTESTABLE DIFFICULT TO DEBUG JFC SHIT.

FUNCTIONS DO ONE THING AND DO ONE THING WELL. LEARN IT, LIVE IT, LOVE IT, OR JUMP INTO A LAKE

that is all.

Mobile (Android/iOS) gaming has such potential but publishers keep pushing out mindless garbage. What's the point of getting a gaming phone only to spend your time playing gatcha games?

I was looking at some info about how much ads pay, CPM and all that, came across a guy who answered a question related to this on quora (FUCK quora piece of shit content farm :/ but that's a story for another day) and put links to his apps on Google Play in it.

I always had low self esteem and think that I know nothing and I'm shit but seriously fact that people who make apps like this exist and are proud of their shit makes me feel better.

His entire collection of apps are garbage like this, like a "driving school" with images from Google Search and other games screenshots and "top 10 search engines" with just logos of search engines. 😂

EDIT: Typos

So to un install Premie Pro I first need to sign in to my Adobe account, to then fucking update Creative Cloud, and then, then I can remove the garbage. Or so I hope ffs...

Trying to inspect something to see if it works in IE.
FUCK YOU IE! this piece of pure garbage should be fucking illegal!

Tired of older generation developers teaching people not to use the back button. Make your application not garbage and let the people use the browser as intended for shit sake.

Stupid fucking communities normally all pieces of garbage. And no, there is no built in garbage collection, but then I find this, I POST 1 THING AND I GET GREAT RESPONES AND REALLY NICE ENGAGEMENT LIKE WTF

Your mama so dereferenced she dates the garbage collector

Who the fuck accepted this garbage copy pasted code all over the place?! Ah, it was our "tech lead", cool.

Ok so I have done some work with crypto currency mining pools and recently a client requested for me to make a splash page that showed data from multiple instances of these pools APIs. I went to find some documentation for this open source api and to my surprise there is none. I thought of querying the public API from the clients side and it worked, however it's so slow that the data shows up roughly 20 seconds after the page loads.

Easy fix right? Make a PHP server get the data every 5 seconds, cache it and serve the data with the page and use a websocket for live updates! Until I found out that there is no practical way in this garbage framework to get the damn API data without making an HTTP request or mutilating the original source code. I'm so done with this garbage framework. It literally loads pages based on a page and action parameter on the index.php. I quit.

Is there an easy way to make your website not look like complete garbage, if you have no idea and no time for some web front-end?

After switching from win to linux, and observing chrome process background behaviour for a while now I can with great certainity say it resembles a malware...

Fuck JavaScript.

When is this garbage going to be banned!

That is all.

WHY WON'T YOU LET ME HAVE THE SATISFACTION?!!

My code works, their test case is garbage.. 😒

!dev

ISP: "We are going to give you this piece of garbage Puma6 modem that will cause your internet to randomly die because we want to save a few bucks instead of actually having it function properly"
Me: "Can I replace it with my own?"
ISP: "No?"

I love not having fibre.
So either I shoot myself in the foot by going to another ISP (meaning I'll get *at best* 1/5th of the speed, while my current speed already is a severe bottleneck) or I have to keep content with this fucking piece of garbage internet that decides to commit sudoku over nothing...

Fuck me why do my unit tests pass with garbage input.

I can't go into a long weekend with this shit in my head rent free.

once my boss said: if it's lagging just clean the god dam garbage collector 😎
p.s. he's cute

Damn... I like VS Code and at the same time I fucking hate how slow this garbage "editor" has become.
Can I haz rewrite in Rust? 🥺

I'd tell you to use a better garbage collector, but I think it might collect you

Gold Center aka Garbage Collector

Once again, Ubuntu == Garbage

When you're at the end of a sprint, implemented a cool new feature and only the garbage issues are left over -.-

Paint.NET is a worthless piece of garbage.

The garbage truck guy.

I ever have only two moods:
- Goddess queen nemesis
- irredeemable piece of garbage waste of space

I've been a dedicated Golang programmer for a few years now.
But lately I learned rust, and now even the thought of garbage collection makes me davastated :(

Pro tip: when recompiling code there are no miracles. If garbage goes in, garbage comes out.

Prepared my first own Pathfinder Campaign over the last week. Three hours before it starts someone calls it off.
A week of work thrown in the garbage. Feels good.

I hate, I really really hate other students leaving their homeworks and assignments on the school's computers, they clutter everything and bloat the desktop with garbage, at least have some decency and put it inside a folder!

Today I got welcomed by another of those desktops and I decided to give them some help with their assignments, i.e I changed their python scripts for improvised Ackerman functions.

The garbage recruiters are trying to sell is insane.

Don’t scrape the bottom of the ocean trying to pass barnacles off as salmon!

Just because someone can make computer go “beep boop” -- and you can’t — says more about you then it does about them.

Do they have a single thing in their portfolio that is even a little better than the output of the average “Learn x in y mins” video on youtube? Let that stock simmer for a little longer before you serve it!

Nothing in their portfolio at all you say? They’ve never once written code unless they were forced to? Top talent! Hired!

They scored 80% on your screening test? Wow! My dog scored 90%.

Modern day snake oil peddlers the lot of them.

people who says they don't trust Java garbage collectors so they use c++ has the most memory leaks

Why does your BS app (that is obviously made with electron because of course it is) feels entitled to put its garbage into my Documents folder?

My best co-workers are my food buddies. Our tables are always full of snacks and garbage. Oh how i miss those days.

javascript is garbage

typescript despite best intentions, regardless of how well it's executed, is still garbage as it's some sort of band aid on top of javascript, and javascript is garbage

Before you ask, yes I'm garbage at front end development

All that patterns but you implemented only “garbage in garbage out”

Automatically clean up code, removing redundant and duplicate bits, splitting large functions, and formatting it nicely. Especially useful when trying to understand some garbage code someone else wrote which you need to rewrite.

sAleSfoRce aPEx is a hot wet garbage fire. How can I make this actually make this work right when I need to compare case sensitive strings?

Facebook refuses to load up due to a "long running script".
Would you please fuck off with your "hurr let's do *EVERYTHING* in JS" garbage please?

!rant

Nothing worse than recieving little to no documentation/requirements on a project, garbage in = garbage out...

Must be great to be a giant fucking dumbass company raking in more than enough money, that you can't add 40-50 more characters on why your API doesn't like our call.

"Here's an API call with 3 different ways to make a call, we will show you an example for only the easiest method, AND if you get the more complex ways wrong, we'll just respond with an error code 422 with the error message "validation failed".

fuck.

you!!!!!!!!

I don't give a fuck about calling them out:

Its Bexio.

I hate CakePHP! it sucks. And most of the people who like this shit are cunts with long hair. They love shoving this garbage framework down your throat as they high five each other.

JavaScript is garbage

For collecting garbage data

When your hard drive runs out of space

My gradnfather died, and basically i got all the garbage books about programming. I was 9 by the time. Now im 13, and i still dont know how to code...

Java
Android
Garbage

I like my current job, but the pay is fucking garbage :(

Damn, looks like the garbage collector is using a new algorithm because it missed you.

Planning ahead and not fucking directly dive into it and produce garbage that works but looks awful

Fucking Amazon locked my account for "suspicious" activity, just before I would have cancelled the Prime trial I subscribed to last week. I knew I shouldn't have touched this garbage, and here I am, unable to log in, or contact any kind of chat-based support.
At least I blocked Amazon from using my card again, but my movie night is ruined.

Fuck you Gradle. You fucking useless, unintuitive clunky piece of fucking garbage

FUCK AGNJIOAWG

Perhaps one of the most important things I will ever learn in life is how powerful regularity is. Read up on a topic once? Understand nothing? Read more random shit on it. Keep reading. And then stare in awe as things fall into place.

I'm writing this out not because people don't know this. Almost everyone knows this. But it's nice to be reminded of it. It's nice to be reminded that learning new things and honing bew skills is never easy. It's nice to be reminded that there's great knowledge and skills waiting to be learned.

This is not meant as motivation so much as it is meant as a reminder. Our colleagues may be garbage. Our clients may be garbage. Our bosses, the interns, the new dev, and almost certainly ourselves, are almost always garbage.

But if you've learned 1-2 new things today, the day wasn't garbage.

I'm just learning move semantics...

Plotly.

What an absolutely powerful library.

With absolute garbage documentation.

Everyone here complaining about Windows updates...

Your not forced to use it at gun point.

Windows is garbage, end of story. So either stop fucking using such garbage or stop fucking complaining about it!

I get the feeling you all like complaining more than you like having a good computer though...

Java Developers never RIP,
they just get Garbage Collected 😋

Java developers never R.I.P, they just get garbage collected.

just a reminder

if you think your 500 line python script with garbage hardcode values everywhere that brittly functions even for you is going to bring you thousands in subscriptions

fuck you

You know the PHP legacy code base is complete garbage when it requires a script memory limit of 1.5GB.

Sooner or later, you'll need a VPN access to get an accurate information within the US. The population is fat from garbage food, and now they will be fat in retardness from their media.

Finally leaving the """innovation lab""" where I worked and was a fucking garbage.
I can now expect a correct project management and a real task list

Today I felt like the grinch explaining to my team that you can have memory leaks in a garbage collected language if they keep leaving live references.

Maintaining shitty code is a lot like playing whack a mole. Fix one thing, something else breaks. I wish they'd just let me replace this garbage already. Could've been done by now.

How to eat for free at McDonald's:

- eat at McDonald's
- poop all the garbage you ate during work hours
- you successfully had a free meal at McDonald's

imagine thinking the future of llms / ai lies with yet another garbage python tool

😂😂😂😂

reality truly is stranger than fiction

🤡🤡🤡🤡

const is = ‘what it is’