EDIT: devRant April Fools joke (2020)
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We've been at this a few years now, and over the last 6 months we've been working closely with a brand consulting agency, and after numerous developer interviews, surveys and focus groups, we've come to realize "devRant" is simply not capturing the cultural zeitgeist of this new decade. Therefore, we have a bold new brand that will be rolling out over the coming week. devDucks is our bold vision for the future, today. devDucks speaks to a new generation of software engineers who resonate with a more upbeat, optimistic tone when they go to an anonymous web community to swear and lament their current work situation. While we finalize the new logo and other key marketing collateral, we have started a staged roll-out of our new brand styling, including the conversion of all avatars to literal devDucks. We hope this brings more joy to your ranting, as it has to ours. Sincerely, David & Tim (@dfox & @trogus) - devDucks co-founders

Found this 2 years old beauty today:

public boolean hasPermission(User user, Permission permission){
// TODO
return true;
}

The author quit last year.

It's 2018 and I am forced to add new features on project that was deployed in 2003 and lastly updated at 2009.

Best part is that PHP version on the production server is [drum roll] 4.3.8. I found out that this version was the latest at July 2003. On top of that, server runs on Windows Server 2003 and the database is oracle (meaning php driver is needed).

I have spent a WHOLE WEEK just trying to recreate that environment in order to start working on the new features.

Sorry for grumping but I had to take it out somewhere.

Single AF (+_+)

My boss came into my room today, sat down and said:

Take your family to the [BIG AMUSEMENT PARK], and please keep the reciepts and give them to me. Spend a couple of hundreds bucks and we will pay.
Thanks for being someone whom I can trust

That made me happy

Facebook: "Our facial recognition automatically tags people in pictures."

Tesla: "Our deep learning algorithm drives cars by itself."

Andrew Ng: "I predict patients' likelihood of dying with 99% accuracy."

Google: "You know one of our algorithms is going to pass the Turing test very soon."

Wall Street: "We use satellite images to predict stock prices based how filled car parks of specific stores are."

The remaining majority of data sciencists: "We overfit linear models."

Girlfriend (art student): “You’re in CS. Why don’t you use Windows? Macs are terrible for programming.”

Me: “macOS is better for doing command line compilation and shit because it supports Unix terminal commands and stuff with a reliable OS that’s better-supported than most Linux OSes. I also have Windows on my laptop too, for Visual Studio.”

Girlfriend: “Only like 1% of people use command line stuff. Windows is better for programming. I’ve seen a lot of CS majors use Windows.”

Me: “Uh. You watch me use my computer every day. The stuff I do in Terminal takes forever on Windows.”

Girlfriend: “Yeah, but Windows is just better for programming though.”

Help.

Just got to label a new device 66642069, I don’t think it gets better than this. My career has peaked and I’m only 24.

Time to learn Vim

Hello {Project}, my old friend. I've come to debug you again
Because the scope is softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was developing
And the misery that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence...

In restless dreams I debugged alone
Narrow file of cobbled code
‘Neath the halo of a desk lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of git checkin
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand bugs and maybe more
People coding without asking
People coding without listening
People writing code that they never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

Fools, said I, you do not know
{Project} like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence.

And the people bowed and prayed
To the kludgy app they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sounds of silence

Want to finish my little friend for a long time now. He can dance Michael Jackson's moonwalk for now.
Idea was to use the sonar sensor to switch dancing styles but he is still blind :(

I did it boys, shes mine. 😃
Happy Valentines

When a disc drive's driver comes on a disc

This guy dream come true as he was waiting for this moment.

Someone here mentioned this brilliant font. (forgot who, sorry)

Found this beast in my dads office 😂
P.S: he still has 7'' floppy disks
He is been in this computer business for 30years :D

Too real!!!

Got a job with EA
Went down like this during the interview

Hiring Manager: your second part of your resume seems to be missing?
Me: second part is $20
Hiring Manager: Welcome on board

Found in the source code of a site. Interesting.

So as new user I used devrant straight for 6 hours and this happened.
Am I the only one who thinks this helpful tip should be given at 3rd upvote and not 80th?

"oh, so you fix computers..."

What if your programming language would be chosen by The Sorting Hat from Harry Potter?
You would sit like:
*please not php, please not php, please not php*