The pleasure of finding my long lost duck :')

Has anyone switched to Firefox Quantum? I have. I haven't missed Chrome at all.

500 kbps hotel wifi my ass. I hijacked the smart TV's Ethernet connection and voila: 100mbps

I've written a lot of bad code, seen a lot, but attached is the most recent 'worst' I've seen.
What makes the situation worse/funny is:
1. The developer's code comment.
2. Check-in passed a code review.
3. The 'legacy code' was written last week.

As soon as someone watches me code over my shoulder my IQ drops by 50%

"I won't need math to make games!"

"Error: Did not return an error"

This is what you write at 4 in the morning.

As much fun it is to code and create new features for users. Take a break from the computer and spend time with real people.

A few years ago I would stay at work to get tasks done. While everyone in the office would go home I would stay and finish some task. After doing that for a few months my wife started to yell at me.

It made me realize that no matter how important a new feature, a bug or optimizing code is family and the relationships you have are more important.

Before I learned software development, API sounded like a kind of beer.
Today I used the term so often that I have in fact recently tried to order an API at a bar.

"No matter how slick the demo is in rehearsal, when you do it in front of a live audience, the probability of a flawless presentation is inversely proportional to the number of people watching, raised to the power of the amount of money involved." - Mark Gibbs

Never trust intern with anything.

Show a pre recorded video of ur product during a ppt rather than a live demo. There are literally zero chances of fuckups.. Saved me quite a few embarrassments.

Just fixed my broken htc one m9 (boot loop after legitimate update) by powering it up month after putting in back to box for future repair. Who to blame? NSA? Android 7? SD Card?

Update my cards on trello every time i finish something :"c

Been struggling with an issue all weekend (it had to go to client today) with no solution and without understanding why it was returning the wrong values.

Arrive this morning to the office and team leader asks me about the issue and gives me a new one with higher priority, so I decide to pass my issue to a junior I work with.

While doing so and explaining everything he should look into, by some magic powers I found the reason for the issue

Thank the rubber ducking god!!!

Spent the whole night stressing over a bug I couldn't fix, only to realise the next morning I had actually solved it the previous night. I'm so sleep deprived I actually forgot that I solved it.

Feels 👼

I work on a small team, and we recently got an artist on it.

The artist has lights on, but nobody is home syndrome and it is driving me nuts.

This guy took 10 iterations on a model where the main request was to fucking change the fucking UV mapping. Here is how that went in a nutshell:

1. Hey, the model is ok, the guy needs a cape with some bones in it. The cape needs to share the material, here is the material, cape already on it. We also need like 8 animations.
1a. No cape visible, animations half done, and done shitty.
2. Correct the animations and all the above points asap. Ok?
2a. Few more animations 1 half corrected wrong, wonky exports. Has cape
3. Again, same.
3a. I got the wrong corrections, cape doesn,t move. Uv wrong and seperate material. Aaaarrrggg

It litterally took 7 more of those loops and now we have it going in 1 material and 5 wonky but workable animations. And the next character half of the same shit happens all over again. Fuck me, fuck him. Fuck this, i hate artists. I made a fucking list what is so hard?!

When you spend two hours explaining your client why they can't use for their website that logo they picked from Google Images.

Female friend in office
"It feels so nice that we have a computer science grad with us. How else would have we managed to set up the printer without you?"

Not kidding. This actually happened with me.

when a 4 person "scrum" takes 30 minutes...

Real geeks don't send friend requests, they send pull requests.

I was in college studying stuff I couldn't care less about and had a job that was consuming me. A couple of colleagues and I then decided to open our own company. Four years of sleepless nights later, all colleagues left. I had lost touch with family and friends, had lost a girlfriend and had been left with all the company's debt to pay. Going back to my old career seemed like the only option, but I couldn't let me sabotage myself again. I sat my butt in front of my sister's computer and downloaded every coding class I could get my hands on. Getting used to sleep deprivation helped. Eventually I built my first app and landed my first freelance job. All hat in hand, I told this company I didn't have much experience and they told me they'd hire a senior developer as well. It was on a Sunday morning, at 4am, with the deadline breathing down our necks, that the senior developer had jumped ship and the company asked me if I could take over the project. That moment I realised it's all about being competent. That moment I knew I could do this.

Funnily enough my initial experience with Java at uni dampened my enthusiasm for programming I had harboured as a kid. Discontinued the course and studied something else. Cue three years later; took an elective programming in C and some other coding subjects and fell in love with coding. Ended up writing code for my bachelor thesis, lots of free time coding, teaching the elective I had taken only a year before, and now it's my job and I love it. :)

My code is guaranteed 100% mistrake free!

The analytics guy just sent me updated tracking specs for a web site.

There are two sheets in the file: "Custom Events LATEST" and "Custom Events updated". This is already confusing enough.
One of them has comments like "I'd like this to be amended", but the event specs described are the same as the ones implemented.

I asked him for clarification, turns out he wants the ones marked in black to be updated, the ones that don't have any label saying they don't need to be updated.

This is also a guy who for at least 2 years has been making columns in spreadsheets wider not by just widening them, or merging multiple cells, but by just letting text overflow into other cells.

I do wonder how some people manage to keep a job.

hi beginner here

I used Haskell today!

I don't know or care what the Mustache Framework does, as a bearded dev I WILL use it.

I applied to be a pro gamer. Still unsure how I ended up being a programmer.