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Boss: "Could you join the new DevOps team for a week or two, for some coaching?"
Me: "I'd rather watch you masturbate furiously in a corner of the office while you cry over your ex boyfriend"
Boss: "Yeah... that's why I ask you. You are the only one brave enough to watch"
Me: *Sigh* "But I don't know shit about what DevOps does, I'm a DBA. I've told you the difference a million times. Can't we just douse it in gasoline and set it on fire?"
Me: "Not the team, the servers..."
Boss, imitating Gimli: "And my ex!"
Me: "I get why he left you"
Boss: "It's funny, he was actually better with computers than me, maybe even better than you. He hated me for starting this company, told me I was just chasing money instead of ideals. He just isn't grown up enough to see that there is more to the world than computer games, brewing beer, maker festivals and gay bars, that you need to take responsibility... Maybe it just never works out between managers and geeks..."
Me: "Indeed. The difference in competence is too large"
Boss: "Ugh. You are like straight version of him... but will you at least take a look?"
Me: "Fine, unzip your pants..."
Boss: "No, not that... you need to teach DevOps this docking thing, with the parallel stuff, and the horizontal growth"
Me: "Damn I really hope we're talking about servers now... Do you mean Docker?"
Boss: "That's it. They want to learn how to dock on the Windows servers. They reserved two 4xlarge on AWS. Is that enough for docking?"
Me: "You know what. I'm going back to hug my DB designs, and wash my brain with some queries. Then I'll return here to burn everything to the ground. There is no hope for you left"
Boss: "That's what he said"
Me: "You're using that meme wrong"
Boss: "OK. So what if you just stay on DB management, and I'll just give you the budget to recruit a new DevOps lead and pay for training?"
Me: "That would work"
Boss: "Why are you grinning?"
Me: "Because I have your ex's phone number"18
My top three programming tips:
- Get enough sleep
- Go for a walk
- Drink more water
- Lie down and think about it15
-When using Windows
Butthurt Geeks: "You suck, use Linux!"
-When using Ubuntu
Butthurt Geeks: "You suck, use Arch! (or anything that isn't based in mainstream Ubuntu ) "
-When using Atom
Butthurt Geeks: "You suck, don't use the mouse!"
-When using Vim
Butthurt Geeks: "You suck, use Emacs!"
Really, do you always have to force everyone to use the toys that you are using?25
A group of computer science geeks were listening to a lecture about Java programming at a university.
After the lecture, one of the men leaned over and grabbed a woman's breast.
Woman: Hey! That's private OK ?
The man hesitated for a second looking confused.
Man: But I thought we were in the same class.3
I hate it when people think programming is for geeks with black hoodies in a dark room... #codingforeveryone6
In my new neighborhood I found this WiFi network which has been protected for so long by just its name "Virus".
Am sure the owner never thought of geeks who instead of running away from" virus" just get closer.
Am ranting using "virus" network7
I am pretty sick of people treating developers like forever alone geeks that roam the internet 24/7
I mean I am one but my point stands..
It does !2
Everytime I see the tag 'geek' on here I die a bit inside. We're all geeks, you ain't special boy!4
CS graduates that have never gone beyond "Hello World", fuck college and it's "system".
So the actual victims of the story are friends of mine, CS colleagues, but I can't help but share as the existence of code freeloaders enfuriates me.
At college in order to graduate you need to present a project in form of a thesis a side from your actual thesis, there is a shortage of pre-approved projects and everyone wants one.
A talented friend of mine who has many years of programming experience got in one with another friend of mine and a lady who I've never seen before. One Saturday night my friend and I were having some beers at a local bar and his phone didn't stop beeping so I jokingly said:
"Bro, tell your girl you need some space", he laughed and explained it was the chick from her project having some "issues" with node.
"So? Tell her to google it, it's Saturday night", he explained the girl has never coded before even though she's about to graduate so she had take it upon herself to pressure him to finish ASAP so she can graduate and get an already agreed position at the federal energy commission... As dev!
I've seen my bud in a lot of dumb calls with said chick trying to explain how you CAN'T COMPILE THE NODE WEBSERVER TO A .EXE!
It frustrated me how such an idiot can go through a CS major buying homeworks and getting low self-esteem geeks to code for her. Then I realized that as an aspiring InfoSec guy, lazy idiots coding is good for business.8
I have described what devRant is to my non tech friend (Yeah those are rare for me).
His response was so funny: "So its just place full of nerds and geeks ??"
Stay away from those LinkedIn recruiters who use words like: "Cutting edge technology" , "Geeks", "Top notch", "Team player" , "Esteemed organization" , "Ground breakers" , "Change the world" and any more of these shitty phrases!!4
To me it seems that Software eng has become a „I wanna get rich“ thing..
Too many idiots do it and think they’ll get tons of money..
Not that many new geeks because of that..
Also, I feel like the mentality has switched from quality oriented to shiny oriented..
3/4 of new Software i use contains serious bugs that don’t get fixed because it takes time..9
I like that coding is becoming more and more popular.
I like that more and more people are taking steps to manifest there ideas and potentially change the world.
But for fuck's sake... can't geeks be allowed to be the fat pimply introverts of the olden days?? This used to be a realm for the misfits, and now the same assholes who tormented said misfits are joining in and making the rest feel inadaquit all over again. You can't just be a coder anymore, now you have to be a good looking and health crazed professional with great personal skills and then somehow be able to also be a master of your craft.
I don't want to hear about how you write code in between your 100 pushups and avocado toast and having a few cold ones with the boys after your <insert sport here> game. I want to hear about how you ate pizza with one hand and crushed your build with the other in between sips of shitty soft drinks and fistfuls of candy while pulling an all nighter for the nth time cuz daylight is for pussies.
Too much pressure these days as it is, and this isn't helping.
Today i find new friends at school they are older but hell yeah they are programmers sysadmins and other geeks hell yeah im only guy in first class from that geek group woow.
Finally geek friends and yeah friends from devRant
And yeah its on high school few months in there and found teacher with those cool guys teacher is cool too ;)5
Am I the only one who hates meet-ups and networking events? We were supposed to be introverted geeks!8
A group of computer science geeks were listening to a lecture about Java programming at a university.
After the lecture, one of the men leaned over and grabbed a woman’s breast.
Woman: Hey! That’s private OK ?
The man hesitated for a second looking confused.
Man: But I thought we were in the same class1
Someone asked me "if I forget to close my html tags </> will people hack me? "
Geeks what do you suggest? 😁10
We had a kind of "computer club" back in a year. (AG in germany). The teacher left us (4 nerdy geeks) alone for a few minutes because he had to check on something.
He was still logged in with his IT-teacher account.
After a minute of reseach and a few little commands, we had our own school network admin account.
They still haven't removed (probably not even discovered) the account.
Sadly, the localgroup admin didn't have the highest rights..1
Best: Created my own company and have had 8 clients in 2017. Devrant has allowed me to find a community of fellow geeks. I've used github way more in 2017 than any past year.
Worst: Have had at least 2 ex-clients but I've lived and learned from them. I go on Devrant way more than I should.
When I share jokes posted on devRant with others people don't get it. If they get they don't find the humour.
Happy to have a community of geeks,nerds,weirdos,outsiders.2
I love using DevRant and i am also a frequent visitor of sites like TechCrunch and ReCode. What other sites or apps would you recommend for devs or tech geeks??8
Ordinary people brag about something they did in sports or somethin else boring they
did in their living.
Tech geeks brag about finally succeeding in installing Arch Linux.1
For more than 20 years Google and Mozilla becoming our lifeline ❤️thank you @google @mozilla
//Just a rant inspiried by another rant.
I doubt most people heard about steganography.
At least normal people (But we are not normal we are nerds and geeks).
I wont explain what it is thats what duckduckgo is here for(Yeah fuck Google).
Its used normally as good encryptin method to hide data in plain sigth.
Its just so awesome to get a image and after working on it you get message or anything the person hide in it.
Its also very much used in serius riddles (Do Not beleive his lies)(Also now im at level 48)
Its just damn fun.
If you like hard challenge and hard puzzles give it a go. At least you will learn something new and usefull.5
Over the past 2 months I have interviewed with several companies and 2 of them stood out at rejecting me. Let's call them Company A, and Company B!
> I know right? Developers are bad at naming!
I guess part of it is my fault too! I am old and slow. Doesn't like competitive programming and already forgot most of how to answer algorithm question. I can't even answer some of the algorithm question I've flawlessly answered back when I was fresh out of University.
## Company A
When I got chance to interview at Company A, they require me to answer HackerRank style interview. It's my first time in nearly a decade of working in the industry to feel like I'm in a classroom exam again. I hate it, and I deliberately voiced my distaste to the answers comment:
// I'm sorry, I'm dumb!
// I never faced anything like this in real world work...
But guess what? My answer still pass the score, have a call with their VP, which proceed to have another call with their Lead Engineer.
Talked about my experience with Event Driven System and CQRS+ES and they decided that I am:
- Too RND in my tech stack
- And overkill in CQRS+ES
And decided they don't need me.
They hate me for having a headstrong personality which translates as Arrogance to the perceiving end.
## Company B
Another HackerRank style interview. Guess I passed their score this time without me typing some strong comment and proceed to have another test with their Lead Engineer.
This time they want 5 question answered in google docs within 60 minutes.
Two of them stood out to me for being impossible to work on 12 minutes (60 / 5 if you're wondering). Or maybe I'm just old and dumb?!
The others are just questions copied word for word from Geeks For Geeks.
One of the question requires me to write a password brute force attack to an imaginary API.
The other requires me to find a combination of math `+` or `-` operation from `a strings of numbers` that results in `a number`.
My `Arrogance` kicks in and I start typing a comment
// I am sorry but I feel this is impossible for me to think of in 12 minutes
// (60 / 5 if you're wondering)
// But I know you guys got this question from Rosseta Code!
// Here's the link, but I don't know the logic behind it
See? I've worked on this question back when I was still a University student and remember where to look at.
Unsurprisingly, I've heard the feedback that I was rejected although I've answered one of their question `FLAWLESSLY`. I know they are being sarcastic at this point. haha.
I was trying to be honest about what I can and can't do in the `N` minutes timeframe and the Industry hates me.
I guess The Industry love people who can grind `GFG` or other algorithm websites, remember the solutions out of their head, and quietly answer their `genuinely original question` without pointing the flaws back at them.9
Any wireless electronics geeks here?
When my phone switches between landscape and portrait orientations, so will It's internal antenna, right? My WiFi router has dual antennas. Does keeping one antenna parallel and the other one vertical to the ground improve signal reception to my phone?16
Two types of people in this world.
Those who read "ping" as a command.
And those who read it as a sound. 😂3
Here is way to find the element with maximum frequency in a list in Python:
a = [1,2,3,4,1,2,3,4,1,2,3,1]
print(max(set(a), key = a.count))5
This guy is wrong in so many ways.
"Windows/macOS is the best choice for the average user. Prove me wrong."
There are actually many Gnu/Linux based operating systems that's really easy to install and use. For example Debian/any Debian based OS.
There are avarage users that use a Gnu/Linux based operating system because guess what. They think its better and it is.
Lets do a little comparision shall we.
- - - - - Windows 10 - - Debian
Cost $139 Free
Spyware Yes. No
Freedom Limited. A lot
"[Windows] It's easy to set up, easy to use and has all the software you could possibly want. And it gets the job done. What more do you need? I don't see any reason for the average joe to use it. [Linux]"
Well as I said earlier, there are Gnu/Linux based operating systems thats easy to set up too.
And by "[Windows] has all the software you could possibly want." I guess you mean that you can download all software you could possibly want because having every single piece of software (even the ones you dont need or use) on your computer is extremely space inefficient.
"Linux is far from being mainstream, I doubt it's ever gonna happen, in fact"
Yes, Linux isn't mainstream but by the increasing number of people getting to know about Linux it eventually will be mainstream.
"[Linux is] Unusable for non-developers, non-geeks.
Depends heavily on what Gnu/Linux based operating system youre on. If youre on Ubuntu, no. If youre on Arch, yes. Just dont blame Linux for it.
"Lots of usability problems, lots of elitism, lots of deniers ("works for me", "you just don't use it right", "Just git-pull the -latest branch, recompile, mess with 12 conf files and it should work")"
That depends totally on what you're trying to. As the many in the Linux community is open source contributors, the support around open source software is huge and if you have a problem then you can get a genuine answer from someone.
"Linux is a hobby OS because you literally need to make it your 'hobby' to just to figure out how the damn thing works."
First of all, Linux isnt a OS, its a kernel. Second, no you dont. You dont have to know how it works. If you do, yes it can take a while but you dont have to.
"Linux sucks and will never break into the computer market because Linux still struggles with very basic tasks."
Ever heard of System76? What basic tasks does Linux struggle with? I call bullshit.
"It should be possible to configure pretty much everything via GUI (in the end Windows and macOS allow this) which is still not a case for some situations and operations."
Most things is possible to configure via a GUI and if it isnt, use the terminal. Its not so hard
Not a co-worker but a personal friend, I am still developing with the dude. He is absolutely AMAZING when it comes to reverse engineering he knows much more than me in this area of computer science. Actually one of my first friends who actually geeks out over this shit.10
Some things should be prohibited! Such as trying to look smart luring geeks with PHP code. That does not do what you wanted to do in the first place. Idiots!4
This book isn't at all what I thought it was going to be. I hoped it would be patterns and practices to writing better code...it's more like a philosophical Chicken Soup for the Developer's Soul. Self-care for syntax geeks.
And by that merit, it's actually quite good.
[Hardware geeks, microcontroller geeks, please come]
Yet another Hacktoberfest tshirt...
Gotcha? (I bet you know who I am)
Just kidding. Just a random project idea I am not sure if it is possible to make from scratch.
It is essentially a usb external storage
And has a lcd that shows available storage space
And some buttons to play snake. (Yup)
Is it possible?
What should I expect when creating from scratch? (Microcontroller, c language, interfaces, etc)20
-- What if HTML was a programming language?
-- What if our data online isn't abstract but physical?
-- What if geeks have their own country?
-- What if humans exist and we are the aliens?
-- What if the internet is state-owned?
-- What if we could download food just like every other downloadables?
-- What if my VSCode won't kill me when switched to light theme?
-- What if there was no gender and the word "female" is just an alias for "male"?
-- What if bugs could find and fix themselves?
-- What if there's no need for an account password?
-- What if Linux was owned by Microsoft?
-- **What if I could tell my boss that I'm tired of his fucking job without actually telling my boss? This is the actual what if.**27
Are "HTML Developers" real? I think they are just young geeks under 17 who learned something new on the internet.3
Lots of geeks here, so what about your favorite Dev/Programmer joke?
Personal favorite - eggs, milk & a programmer:
A programmer is going to the grocery store and his wife tells him, "Buy a gallon of milk, and if there are eggs, buy a dozen." So the programmer goes, buys everything, and drives back to his house. Upon arrival, his wife angrily asks him, "Why did you get 13 gallons of milk?" The programmer says, "There were eggs!"2
Today is just me and my friend, two embedded systems geeks making a website.
It’s going awful but it’s fun as hell😂4
I read this rant on Quora. Is this true ?
“The IT industry has devolved into a gigantic ponzi scam built on exploitation and BS. Quality of solution and quality of work was replaced with a ‘Does it work now?’ approach with zero contingency.
And the fact that geeks and nerds are naive only helps the white collar crooks to exploit them as code monkeys.”12
Am I the only one who doesn't really see feel or need as an insult? Geek means someone who "messed around" with tech and need is someone who is smart. Why do people get offended by it? I mean, I get that people mean it offensively but is it really something to get that upset about? If someone was to call me a geek or need. Imma walk with my head high and own it.9
Cómpletely not dev related but...
Any english geeks?
What is the difference between a few and the few ??
I can't find a difference but my stupid school english teacher is telling there is a diffenence8
The new MacBooks look so nice. And Mojave is pretty nice, and dark theme! And the touch bar! The price is quite high but for the first time I'm actually debating getting one... Almost. But:
Why no escape key apple! You were so close! A physical escape key at the cost of your touch bar being 1 inch smaller! Is that too much to ask!
Many programmers use Mac. I can see why, it's a bsd variant, it's almost a Linux box except it's supported and accepted by the non-geeks of the world.
Many programmers use Vim! It's great!
So it stands to reason that a "not insignificant" amount of Mac users use Vim. Why would you do this to us? Or at least offer a "Vim model! With physical escape key, some nice out of the box vim buttons for the touch bar, a greatly inflated pricetag... Yknow, the works!" But nothing?! You almost had me apple.6
"You listen to me, you muscle-bound, handsome Adonis. Tech is reserved for people like me, okay? The freaks, the weirdos, the misfits, the geeks, the dweebs, the dorks! Not you!"
— Richard fucken Hendricks
Hi fellow geeks, so I'm ranting about the lack of basic will and ability of my company people to RTFM that I've prepared to them of how to use the shiny new JIRA that I've configured.
Any idea for a short funny clip (eg simpsons, seinfeld, the office, familyguy whatever) that somehow relates to the above that I can show them in a presentation?
From today, I'm gonna post infrequent-devLogs of the project i am currently doing, I have been thinking about it the past couple of months, and I am finally moving it into action!
I wish writing devLogs will make me to finish the project, at least a working prototype.
It is a C# block coding application that is made in 100% C# that generates human-readable C# code for C# begineers.
If you want to follow me along, make sure to subscribe to my rants by going to my Profile (cozyplanes) > More icon in top right > Subscribe
All devLogs posted directly via devRant API integration from CZedit, a simple edit program for geeks
devLog #0 - Block coding in C#
- Made the console output to redirect to textbox
- Ability to save output to external storage
Compile C# code directly at runtime with Roslyn
I had a question stuck in my head for a long time: How does it feel to have a dev/geek/techie as your friend?
How did you meet them and what was your experience?
I've never had any dev/geek/techie as my friend (I had one but he has a communication problem so never got to interact properly). Anything I should keep in mind when befriending any techies/devs/geeks?6
Been developing a FAAS backend for a mobile app while going back and forth to work in the train, constantly loosing wifi and failing deployments, it's like waterboarding for geeks4
So first day in the course (https://devrant.com/rants/2049071/...), the lecturer want's to tell us a joke but forgets the punchline...
While he is trying to remember, everyone is like "let's Google it" And proceed to open their phones.
So someone in the back says, what are you guys? Geeks? Let's duck it!3
Every time I read a job description and they are looking for a "super star" or "rock star" etc I feel they are specifically trying to target the people that were the nerds and geeks in school that just wanted to be popular.3
questions for those hard core lazy geeks, I'd like to try out raspberry pi. what's the most crazy use cases in you mind but yet no way to find time to do it? if I get rid of my laziness, I may do it, no promises😜17
When I started at my first job I was a fanboy for a co-worker who writes codes like nothing and there's is nothing he can not do when comes to coding!! I really admire his work. I always think how does he do it?!
Now I have a fanboy for my work 😎 he admires my work he thinks that there's nothing I can't solve.
I get it now, it's just experience and practice!5
So there is this one teacher/dev where I just had a lecture. And I easily can say he is one of the best programming teachers I had so far. Not that what he says is a hundred percent correct (heavily influenced by his opinion, ex. Singleton being a good pattern), but he motivates you to think about what you do and the lecture. He saw that no one was following and said that no one could probably remember the start of the lecture and he was damn right.
He's just so open about it and said that it doesn't matter and you have to go home and practice. At the start he said that we all are programmers and not software developers. Explaining the difference and showing funny pictures. A fucking spoon build out of a fork and a plastic cup. But not reusable at all and might break when overheated by the soup. Genius explanation of the difference. On the other side was a spoon which could be hung up on the edge of the bowl without overhearing the end so you don't burn your hand. That is software developing.
Now the point is that I got a bit mad when he said no one here could develop software and when he asked if someone can explain what a pattern is it was my time to shine. Boom, on point explanation and a complement from him following in the question where I got the knowledge from and why I could explain specific patterns. The answer was a simple 'I learn about software developing and engineering in my free time' and then he just said that I'm a nerd. I was so proud and ashamed at the same time.
Long story short: be proud of us. Geeks and nerds are nice persons and I might just have earned some respect among my friends.
I just realized this is a rather long and unstructured rant but I really felt like sharing that little achievement of being recognized.
Just joined the Devrant...
And enjoying using it..
Got to see such awesome stuffs and rants...
Will appreciate any kinda help though...8
I was working on a C# project and then Unity3D came in, it was the end of the month, got paid, new sexy half naked models came in... Hall of fame, here I come!
Hm.... so I just bought the digital book...... so does this mean I can share it?3
IT/Dev Connections must be getting desperate. They keep on extending the early bird registration, and taking $100.00 off with the special VIP discount. I would so love to spend a week in Vegas hanging with like-minded geeks, though.
The Git series is getting larger and larger. As i get into more complicated topics day by day , i request git geeks and beginners alike to take a look at the above and provide feedback if possible..1
Hey testing geeks, I just come up with "FinTech product" when I was on the train. I am just curious about what's the trendy technology for FinTech product in banks. So what would be the best automation testing scenarios to be used to test FinTech product? Time to open your bain.