Details
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AboutProgrammer and hobby musician
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Skillsjava, python, c++
Joined devRant on 9/13/2017
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Manager: What the heck are you guys doing? Pair programming?! That would halve the team productivity!!!
We:
Manager: Alright, Let's do a "quick" four hours meeting. Everyone in the company MUST attend!
We:3 -
Someone wrote a piece of code half a year ago. It's fuckin complex and recursive. And uncommented. Today it's my job to figure out WHY and HOW it works.
If it wasn't clear before, that someone who wrote it was me. I'm not sure if I was on some substances back then, but that shit is fast and I have no clue how I was able to create it. Perhaps it was the coffee overdose...
However, wish me luck figuring this thing out.5 -
the first program ive written in my own programming language
schreibe
{
hallo welt
}
i didnt know about parsing back then, so everything was its own line4 -
Throughout the years I have completed many projects successfully. Some projects really stood out and were awesome to do. This is not about these projects. It is however about one of my very first projects for my first real software development client many years ago, somewhere around the year 2000.
I was working for some years at TNO, a well known Dutch organization, and the lady at the reception asked me if I could help her husband out because he was strugling to get some web app developed. So I said sure, I can talk to him and see what I can do.
So I went to their house and talked to her husband. They were living in a huge villa and turns out her husband owns an international flower export business for which he needed some web app for. So we had a nice talk and he showed me some software designs he got from a couple of different big companies. He asked me my opinion about these designs. I remember answering something like that it looks very fancy but for me it didn't make much sense.
He replied that it didn't make sense for him as well and was disappointed that these companies didn't seem to understand him properly. It took about 3 months to get these designs which he thought were useless. So, I asked him to explain me what he was looking for.
Actually a pretty simple thing. He was using paper forms to have his clients order the flowers they need. Think of them as Excelsheets with 3 columns with a list of flower names and besides each column a column for the amount required. He would go to the flower auction at 4 in the morning to collect all these filled in forms, manually aggregate them on new forms, and then go to buy the flowers ordered.
This man had many clients and truck drivers. Some of them only worked or ordered at specific days. It was also important that one could easily indicate which flowers were really important to get.
Then comes this 20 year old guy (me) who delivered a working prototype in 24 hours. You can imagine how happy this man was. He said: if you built this for me I will pay you 10K. In the meanwhile for fun you can borrow one of my sports cars if you want.
I took the deal, drove a big fat sports car for about 1.5 months, I delivered and the man payed me as promised.
The web app I developed is today still being used every day. I don't think there is any other project out there, at least not that I'm aware of, that I have worked on and is still being used today in its form as it was originally developed.4 -
I'm taking a unit at my university called 'simulation and modeling'. Today was the first class and the professor was talking about random number generators.
Professor: Every language has a function to generate...Every good(emphasis on good) language has a function to generate a random number... Oh well even php does...
😂😂😂😂I'm already in love with the unit...5 -
Most incompetent worker?
I had this coworker who doesn’t do jack shit in the morning shift (10am - 12nn).
Taking long breaks, like staying at cafeteria and chatting. Always on company IM talking about gossips. Reading manga online and shit.
I wouldn’t be complaining about that if this coworker can deliver. But no! Only has to do 1 module, it took almost a month for this person to finish. Always doing overtime without an ounce of progress. Siphoning the budget of the project. Everyone on our team were doing overtime trying to deliver function after function, modules after modules. Every other parts were finished except this person’s task. Took over it, done for a week. Told my project leader, transfer this person or you’ll see other core members leaving.
Person got transferred. Everyone felt like they had a massive load off their shoulder.2 -
There is only one reason to pause coding: a girlfriend. But since I don't have one I need more Coffee I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.4
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If you backed something, and they ask you to provide a name to include in their special thanks would you:
- Use your full name for whatever the outcome will be (successful project or just a terrible failure)
- Use a nickname (Like this one on devRant)2 -
Me and my father at breakfast.
Me: Do you wanna play Russian Roulette?
Father: I boot up Windows every day. I already live the risky life.3 -
Good news everyone. As of 30th June 2018, PCI compliance demands a minimum of TLS v1.1. Meaning it's illegal for your website to support IE6-1011
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The highest data transfer rate today - 256 gigabytes per second - was achieved when the cleaner's vacuum cleaner accidentally sucked the flash drive in from the floor.9
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Boss: “Do you think you can work on Saturday? We really need the help.”
Me: “Yes, of course.”
Boss: “Great, thank you.”
Me: “I’ll probably be late, though, as public transport is slow on the weekends.”
Boss: “Okay, when do you think you will be at the office?”
Me: “Monday”.17 -
*Now that's what I call a Hacker*
MOTHER OF ALL AUTOMATIONS
This seems a long post. but you will definitely +1 the post after reading this.
xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that.
xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy"
xxx: You're gonna love this
xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login.
xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time".
xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am.
xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fuckingcoffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens an SSH session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has SSHD up and running) and sends some weird gibberish to it. Looks binary. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk.
xxx: holy sh*t I'm keeping those
Credit: http://bit.ly/1jcTuTT
The bash scripts weren't bogus, you can find his scripts on the this github URL:
https://github.com/narkoz/...53 -
De-google your life
Search:
-qwant
-startpage
-searx
-duck duck go look up the founder
-yandex (putin botnet)
Mail
-cock.li
-ProtonMail
-Posteo
-Tutanota
-your own
Browsers
-https://kek.gg/i/3g2z6d.png (superior list)
-https://kek.gg/i/67YQQx.jpg (for furfags)
-https://wiki.installgentoo.com/inde...
/Web_browsers
Collaborative documents
-quip
-turtl
-ether pad (eg: notes.typo3.org or etherpad.net)
-microsoft office online (lol)
Image Upload/Edit
-kek.gg
Video sharing
-hooktube
-bitchute.com
-vid.me
-dtube.video
Social
-gnu social (for freedom loving patriots)
-mastodon (for proprietary loving gook pedos and sjws)
-gab.ai
-minds
-diaspora
Image Upload/Edit
-kek.gg
Google CDN avoidance
-Decentraleyes
Ad and script blocking
-uBlock Origin
Share links without gibbing clicks
-archive.is
Android
-droid-break.info
How to hosts file (lol, just block google bro):
-https://archive.is/gBJ8i
Reading:
-https://wiki.installgentoo.com/inde...
/Anonymizing_yourself#Fingerprinting
-https://wiki.installgentoo.com/inde...
/Firefox#Notable_add-ons
-https://panopticlick.eff.org77 -
*SSH's into VPS*
*Starts doing some general maintainance (updating, checking the logs etc)*
*runs the who command for fun*
*NOTICES THAT THERE"S ANOTHER ACTIVE SESSION*
*FURIOUSLY STARTS TO TRY AND LOOK HOW THAT USER MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN IN (root)*
*Goes one terminal to the left after a few minutes to see if I can use that one as well*
*notices an active and forgotten SSH session to that VPS*
I am stupid.19