If it doesn't work, it doesn't matter how fast it doesn't work.

Hiring Manager: Thanks for interviewing for the position. But the things we listed as "nice to haves" are actually required for the job so we aren't going to hire you.

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Holy fuck, I hate the internet

Remember everyone. 5 hours of ChatGPT will always save you 5 minutes of stackoverflow

I'm surrounded by idiots.

Yet they keep getting promoted.

It seems being competent and skilled at your current role means absolute dog shit.

Most unrealistic deadline I've had?

The client gives us a project with A 3-month deadline. All good, at first.

3 days later they told us that they're cutting out the funding and they gave us two options: Either stop the project right away and get paid for the work so far, or somehow finish the project in 7 days and get paid for the 10 days worth of work.

My idiot boss chose the second.

Saturdays and Sundays were declared working days, everyone screaming at each other, devs running around scrambling code to make the webpage render and keep it responsive.

Forget unit or automation testing, we only did not null and undefined testing and submitted the project.

Yeah, I hauled my ass out of the company just after that.

Raising kids is like using Windows. You know what you want him to do, the kid knows what you want him to do,... But he still decides to do whatever HE wants.

The frustration level is the same

Interviewer: So, we were researching you online and came across your devRant profile.

Me: Ok, I'll see myself out. Thanks.

My CTO told the COO and CEO i'd be finished SOC2 compliance by the end of December... On December 14th.

It takes 3 months to do the audit, let alone all the actual work. I hadn't even started yet.

He was fired shortly after that.

Being told I’m not experienced enough to get a senior dev job I interviewed for.
Even though I aced the first 4 interview rounds, the tech test feedback was “the best solution they had ever seen”, and I’ve been a senior dev for 25 years.
Time wasting assholes.

Idiot Americans who think that mm.dd.yyyy has any right to exist

I'd like to extend my heartfelt fuck-you to the following persons:

- The recruiter who told me that at my age I wouldn't find a job anymore: FUCK YOU, I'll send you my 55 birthday's cake candles, you can put all of them in your ass, with light on.

- The Project Manager that after 5 rounds of interviews and technical tests told me I didn't have enough experience for his project: be fucked in an Agile way by all member of your team, standing up, every morning for 15 minutes, and every 2 weeks by all stakeholders.

- The unemployment officer who advised me to take low level jobs, cut my expenses and salary expectations: you can cut your cock and suck it, so you'll stop telling bullshit to people

- The moron that gave me a monster technical assignment on Big Data, which I delivered, and didn't gave me any feedback: shove all your BIG DATA in your ass and open it to external integrations

- the architect who told me I should open my horizons, because I didn't like React: put a reactive mix in your ass and close it, so your shit will explode in your mouth

- the countless recruiter who used my cv to increase their db, offering fake jobs: print all your db on paper and stuff your ass with that, you'll see how big you will be

To all of them, really really fuck you.

HR sent around updated contracts asking everyone to sign them since the company changed its name, fair enough.

In the contract it stated "Your normal place of work will be X" - only X was many miles away, and I'd never worked there, never planned too. Assumed it was a mistake, sent it back. HR refused to change it, stating that the "normal place of work does not need to be the place where you normally work."

A lot of back and forth entailed, I refused to sign, I was reprimanded for not doing so, I was asked what my problem was as it made no material difference, and then I eventually replied with:

"Angela, I'm refusing to sign this as it's factually incorrect. No further explanation is required. I'll maybe consider signing this if you sign a piece of paper declaring you believe the moon is made of cheese, and you're the cow the milk came from to make it."

A very strongly worded email came back about how this was going on my record, I needed to offer a formal apology, etc. - all cc'd to my manager. I replied back, again copying my manager in, stating that this was ok, as I couldn't remain at a company who forced employees to sign dodgy contracts anyway.

Problem was (for them), I was a *massive* single point of failure for them at this point owing to some others leaving with no handover - hence I knew I wasn't going to be the casualty here. My manager flipped the lid at HR, got the CEO involved on threat of *him* leaving, and the whole thing massively blew up. Happy ending in that the HR person in question was fired, everyone else's contracts also had to be redone (I assumed everyone else just signed without looking which is worrying), and I actually got a pay rise out of it when higher ups realised the massive single point of failure I was.

But damn, I would've walked over crap like that. Walked pretty soon after anyway!

CTO 3 months ago:
- You will get a raise after 9 months of work according to your KPI (98%) and bonus (size of one month pay check)
HR today:
- NO

FUCKITY FUCK, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I WORKED HARD AT NIGHTS AND SACRIFICED MY FREE UNPAID TIME FOR NOTHING, THANKS

Software developers are students for life.

Fuck you for testing devs with them online algo tests instead of giving them real projects to do as a way to assess their coding skills

What the fuck, I got a raise last December, which should be reflected in today's paycheck, but it ain't.

Fucking dickheads, let's see what's going on here.

Best experience: working from home.
Worst experience: working from home.

*has a great company name idea*
*tries to register domain*
*domain taken*
*looks at whois*
*i already own it*
i don’t know how to feel

It's Friday and guess what?

We are fucking deploying on prod!

Dear CORS,

Fuck you.

Sincerely,
localhost:8080 connecting to localhost:8000

I am sorry

I just installed Microsoft Edge on Linux

I am so sorry

Mute your fucking microphones if you have nothing to say. Nobody wants to hear you breathing, your dog, a police car or whatever.

Had a dodgy stomach. Muted the mic & let out an almighty fart.

Only, as you'll have guessed (and I quickly guessed from the silence that followed), I'd missed the mute button.

😅😅😅😅

Dedicated to all js devs out there!

junior dev @30, not bad. 🙏👍💪

pressed i in a Google doc.

Software engineer

Does anyone else really dislike "foo", "bar" and "baz"? Because fuck me I do. My brain can't process that stuff, I need some actual real world context.

or, maybe i'm just dumb.