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-
Me: I need a Windows PC to test my code on.
Server dude: We don't have any free, but I can setup an old server for you.
Me: 🤔 .. I'll take it!
19 -
We will no longer be accepting contracts which have an internet explorer or edge support requirement.
All of the front end devs are going hysterical and celebrating 😂 🎉🎉20 -
Got a couple laughs at an interview for the software listed in my resume:
"Sublime Text 3 (unregistered)"
😉20 -
A client who I freelance for just asked if they could invest in one of my side projects.
This is the best day of my programming career 😊9 -
I think I just broke the (only) USB C port on my MacBook so I’m racing to push about 30 git repos before the battery dies forever
24 -
Put headphones on when I got to work at 7:30am.. it's 3:10pm and I just realised I never started playing music 😑9
-
Just saw an ad:
"I learned to code in 2 months thanks to X School and now I'm working at Google!"
Seems like now is the right time to dump your Google stocks.3 -
Me, a junior dev: * reports an important issue and a possible fix *
Senior dev 1: nah, it'll do just fine.
Senior dev 2: that won't be an issue, don't you see? It's under control, man.
Senior 3: why are you even here? Why are you even talking?
Manager: yeah, what could possibly go wrong?
* a year after releasing the product, one of the seniors got fired and another one was hired *
New senior: this thing is bananas, code is inconsistent and there's memory leaks everywhere, how does that even work?
Me: nobody believed me when I said that.
Manager: it did work very well, where's the issue?
Me: it's everywhere, goddammit! Don't you see?
New senior: junior dev is right.
Me: I've been a WHOLE YEAR saying that!
Manager: did you? Really? Nah, you didn't.
...
I'm tired of this shit.18 -
She: I like people who takes risks.
He : I develop in a prod server.
She: My place or you place? 😉3 -
Holy crap, just consulted with a company who wanted to fire the entire 6 person backend team because:
"They don't produce any tangible work or add value to the company."
Initially I didn't catch on, went to chat with the devs and realised the dilemma. Took 3 hours of (almost heated) debate before the higher ups understood the the value and purpose of backend devs.
This is a kitchen appliance company who recently moved into IoT 🙃11 -
Expectation: arrive at work, everyone in awe of devrant swag, social status++
Reality: arrive at work, prod failing, get blamed, employment status--
7 -
Do any of you guys or gals sit outside and code?
Since 2009 this has been my primary work place (even in the cold and rain), I go to the office for mostly non-coding work and have a pc inside for serious sessions but I'd say 80% of my heads down dev time is spent sitting here. A little quirk is when people call or Skype me they'll immediately say "I can hear birds in the background, where are you??".
Anyway, I'm moving soon and thought I should share while I still can ☺️
21 -
Found a pretty cool company asking for job applications via POST request 😎
..almost incorrectly formatted my JSON 😅10 -
Just had a JS guy try some Visual Basic, learning about types.. finally he got the error:
Stackoverflow: (...)
His response:
"Oh! Like the website! That's so cool! Hey Brod, look what I did! 😀"
It was the cutest reaction I've ever seen to a error.2 -
I believe by the time Elon Musk sets up a colony on Mars, npm will be done installing those fucking dependencies.10
-
At the Apple Store in my devRant hoodie and got noticed by an employee..
Her: what's your username?
Me: brod 😬, what's yours?
Her: julia! Have you seen the new MacBook Pro?
...
Turns out, there's no @julia, now I have a $2,800 MacBook that I didn't need (nope, not the pro, just the shit one).53 -
my team: "lets get rid of materialize it doesnt work too well w/ react"
my team: *deletes materialize*
my team: *accidentally pushes to prod*
me: "guys why are we back in 2003"
19 -
Friend: pls come out on my yacht, you can work from there..
Me: what about power and wifi?
Friend: it has 240v and 4G
Me: 😦😁
7 -
Saw a McDonald's today that's asking to be hacked - their menu sign's IP address is right there on the bottom of it (original image at https://i.imgur.com/P3sFGHE.jpg):
19 -
Took an interview today.
Me - What do you think JavaScript is interpreted or compiled.
Guy(5+ years of UI exp) - It's neither of them. It just runs on browser.
At that moment I slowly started fading away into a black hole for the absolute peace and embrace death.15 -
Just got asked "How much experience do you have with the current JavaScript standards? I'm talking ES6 and ES7" in an interview with what I assumed were technical people.
I chuckled and said "I'm comfortable with ES8" as a joke but everyone just nodded and moved on..7 -
In my previous company, I used to work for a client company which had a terrible website. It was about financial data and people would have to wait too long before the page loaded because there was a freaking 1.2 megs of minified, compressed JS file that needed to load before you could do anything.
Everyone knew that was a pain in the ass and nobody wanted to touch spaghetti code and mess up something they didn't know.
I wanted to however take a shot at it. So an architect from client side and I discussed how we were gonna go about it and how we were gonna find the stuff that needed to load on page load and stuff that could be loaded later.
So we plan for it. We broke everything down from a globals polluting JS, found out the variables and functions that needed to run during first load by literally putting a console statement for each function and finally came up with two bundles.
The primary bundle was 120kb and would during first load and then every module would call it's own secondary bundle when the user interacted with it.
In the process, we removed half a meg of JS and the site became blazing fast.
I did it with a team of two members who, my manager thought were useless, learned a ton of stuff, setup proper process for the transition.
When the client didn't appreciate the amount of brain and effort we had put into it, these two members came forward to tell the client to acknowledge my effort and attributed the success of it to me.
I was totally moved. There was so much respect that I didnt care what anybody else thought. I was just so happy to work with those two humans.
When i left the company, i gifted them stuff they always talked about or wanted. :) Feels good.2 -
Fucking useless languages that compile into other languages but provide no real benefit other than some trendy syntax crap.14
-
Someone called me an incapable, arrogant bitch today because I didn't let them test in prod. We had words.
The monologue from Full Metal Jacket went through my head at one point, and I almost didn't mute my phone in time before I said it rather than just thinking it. I'm not sure I would still have a job if I did, but I kind of wish I didn't mute my phone.13 -
Co Worker: "Your computer is missing a mouse!"
Me: "I require less dependencies to use a computer"
BBUUUURRRRNN10 -
Got some good news today, Australia's PM (Malcolm Turnbull) doesn't want a backdoor in encryption! All he just wants is "support" from companies to "access" their users encrypted data.
See the difference?
I don't 😒14 -
Just reduced 900 lines of horrible code into 106 lines of less horrible code..
QA: do those 106loc really do what the 900loc did ?
Me: yes
QA: really?
Me: yes
QA: are you sure?
Me: NO. I was lying. Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't. Maybe you should run it and find out.
QA: *immediately releases for prod*3 -
PM: Hey Brod, I know your really busy refactoring to ES6 but I think our Ruby app broke, could you fix it?..
Me: Ask Tom, he's the only one here who knows ruby he wrote the app..
PM: I didn't want to interrupt his Skype call.
Me: he's not on Skype, that's his face, he's taking snapchats.
PM: oh, well I don't want to really interrupt that either.
SAY YOU HATE ME. JUST SAY IT.8 -
> gets rejected from upwork
> builds alternative to upwork
> gets funded by old client who uses upwork
> origin story complete
17 -
I’m hopelessly brand loyal at times but after a day with Vim I’ve decided to jump ship. Ciao sublime ✌️
32 -
So what do you do for a living?
- I fix shit. While i do that, i break some other shit and then i fix that shit.2 -
Sometimes when I code, I plug in my earphones and listen to music, focused, in zone.
* I let everyone think that.
** I actually don't listen to anything.
*** Keeps the buggers away!10 -
Hey PMs!
Fuck you!
Estimates are NOT... I repeat..they are NOT the FUCKING DEADLINES.
If you are asking for an estimate then remember, in your absolutely fucking small fucknugget brain, that it can FUCKING CHANGE!
The last thing you wanna do is grill the dev by asking them to explain in details why the change instead of trusting them. Specially when you don't understand a thing of the technology.
- Dev on whom you are shitting you asshole!18 -
Started a new job. Love the people. Love the place. Files are still moved to prod by hand via windows explorer to prod web servers 😳10
-
Didnt expect a reputable bank to do testing in this manner. Damn you Axis Bank, your system is supposed to be the best. Smh. 😩
1 -
*curl [PROD-SERVER-IP]*
Waiting...
Waiting...
Waiting...
Failed to connect: timed out
*Heart drops out of anus*
*Reaches for panic button*8 -
PM: I spoke with x client, they really like x feature and want to continue.
Me: great, I'll let the team know.
PM: Yeah, I told your team already.
Me: Oh. What did they say?
PM: They all told me to tell you first, so you can tell them.
Me: 😏
2 -
Just got a brand new car coming from a 1999 Honda CRV and holy shit the tech in these things is insane.. basically drives itself on HWY's, can start it from an app, does all sorts of weird stuff.. obviously it comes with risks of being hacked and all that but damn new cars are wicked these days.
7 -
It bothers me that IntelliJ IDEs and Documents on Google Drive don't require Ctrl + S to be pressed to save a file.
That's like my birthright taken away from me!8 -
The riskiest dev choice...
How about "The riskiest thing you've done as a dev"? I have a great entry for that. and I suppose it was my choice to build the feature afterall.
I was working on an instance of a small MMO at a game company I worked for. The MMO boasted multiple servers, each of them a vastly different take on the base game. We could use, extend, or outright replace anything we wanted to, leading to everything from Zelda to pokemon to an RP haven to a top-down futuristic counterstrike. The server in this particular instance was a fantasy RPG, and I was building it a new leveling and experience system with most of the trimmings. (Talents, feats/perks, etc. were in a future update.)
A bit of background, first: the game's dev setup did not have the now-standard dev/staging/prod servers; everything ran on prod, devs worked on prod, players connected and played on prod, etc. Worse yet, there was no backup system implemented -- or not really. The CTO was really the only person with sufficient access. The techy CEO did as well, but he rarely dealt with anything technical except server hardware, occasionally. And usually just to troll/punish us devs (as in "Oops ! I pulled the cat5 ! ;)"). Neither of them were the most reliable of people, either. The CTO would occasionally remote in and make backups of each server -- we assumed whenever he happened to think of it -- and would also occasionally do it when asked, but it could take him a week, sometimes even up to a month to get around to it. So the backups were only really useful for retreiving lost code and assets, not so much for player data.
The lack of reliable backups and the lack of proper testing grounds (among the plethora of other issues at the company) made for an absolutely terrible dev setup, but that's just how it was, and that's what we dealt with. We were game devs, afterall. Terrible or not, we got to make games! What more could you ask for!? It was amazing and terrible and wonderful and the worst thing ever, all at the same time. (and no, I'm not sharing the company name, but it isn't EA or Nexon, surprisingly 😅)
Anyway, back to the story! My new leveling system also needed to migrate players' existing data, so... you can see where this is going.
I did as much testing and inspection of my code as I could, copied it from a personal dev script to the server's xp system, ... and debated if I really wanted to click [Apply]. Every time I considered it, I went back to check another part or do yet more testing. I ended up taking like 40 minutes to finally click it.
And when I did... that was the scariest button press of my life. And the scariest three seconds' wait afterwards. That one click could have ruined every single player's account, permanently lost us players ...
After applying it, I immediately checked my character to see if she was broken, checked the account data for corruption or botched flags, checked for broken interactions with the other systems....
Everything ended up working out perfectly, and the players loved all of the new features. They had no idea what went into building them, and certainly had no idea of what went into applying them, or what could have gone wrong -- which is probably a good thing.
Looking back, that entire environment was so fragile, it's a wonder things didn't go horribly wrong all the time. Really, they almost never did. Apocalypses did happen, but were exceedingly rare, and were ususally fixed quickly. I guess we were all super careful simply because everything was so fragile? or the decent devs were, at least. We never trusted the lessers with access 😅 at least on the main servers where it mattered. Some of the smaller servers... well, we never really cared about those.
But I'm honestly more surprised to realize I've never had nightmares of that button click. It was certainly terrifying enough.
But yay! Complete system overhaul and migration of stored and realtime player data! on prod! With no issues! And lots of happy players! Woooooo!
Thinking back on it makes me happy 😊2 -
Lead Dev: Just use jQuery, it'll save us from adding a whole new directive in Angular.
Me: 🤦♂️
Coworker: 🤦♀️10 -
Sent HTML to google translate server side to support multiple languages.. actually worked pretty well but it made me feel dirty for weeks.1
-
Our PM found a contractor, results as expected..
Contractor: "The file you supplied is corrupt, some areas are greyed out and damaged"
Me: "😐, do you mean the comments?"
Contractor: "I'm not sure what you mean 'the comments'"
Me: "Does the file work as expected?"
Contractor: "Yes"
Me: "Strange! I'll have a chat with our PM and get this issue resolved right away 😉"
...
if(!contractor) {
return Promise.resolve()
}1 -
"Start at 4am" .. they said
"Nothing will go wrong" .. they said
WELL YOUR COFFEE MACHINE IS BROKEN AND THE MAINTENANCE GUYS GET HERE AT 7 😡4 -
Keep your arrogance, your fucking stupid logic and religious belief about everthing you say is right aside.
when somebody says there is a better way to solve a problem.. you can do two things. you either listen to them, validate the idea and accept or reject based on discussion or you just be an arrogant fucking prick and stick to your fucking reasoning, about your "right" way.
Don't do the latter. Wont help you become better neither at work nor in life.
FUCK YOU.
- a teammate7 -
That moment when you make a bug fix on your local dev deployment and keep refreshing PROD web page hoping to reflect the change.2
-
# 3 weeks ago
customer informed us that the app will get quite some load since the beginning of July
# this monday
last spare hdd on database's SAN died.
I told everyone another hdd is to follow it very soon eithet whether nothing is done at all or if anyone attempts to touch the san array [cuz that's what redundant raids do...]. No fucks given by anyone, no attempts to have maintenance and planned outage within 24 hrs....
# this morning
another hdd has failed and now 1tb of data is lost. No way to restore backups cuz there is no database to restore them to....
# 20 minutes later I head out to get some popcorn. It's gonna be a fun week!
So... The planned heavy load [and revenue along with it] is not gonna happen... I guess they are gonna ha a week long outage.
That's what happens when you ignore warning shots fired at your face.2 -
When you have a product owner who, on her first day of the project, asks you ' What do you mean by UI?' and a week later question a UI dev why should something take 3 days?
Are you fucking kidding me? I am done with this shit.3 -
Client wanted to add "password usability" features such as:
Password1 === pASSWORD1
Him: Facebook and Google do it
Me: You're not Facebook or Google
Him: Well sure, not without this feature
Me: 🤔11 -
why the fuck people name variables endig with numbers? why? how the hell do you even figure out what's what?
checkStatus1
checkStatus2
checkStatusMyAss10 -
When migrating from MySQL server to MariaDB and having a query start returning a completely different result set then what was expected purely because MariaDB corrected a bug with sub selects being sorted.
It took several days to identify all that was needed on that sub select was “limit 1” to get that thing to return the correct data, felt like an idiot for only having to do 7 character commit 😆4 -
Rant, but also want to know, how the fuck do you accidentally drop a database link. In production. On the most important database. Housing our biggest applications.8
-
me : hey tried allo?
her : what is that?
me : it's an amazing new chat app with google built in and you can do blah blah blah.......
*goes on to explain cool stuff*
her: can i send messages to whatsapp from allo?
me : I AM DONE
8 -
Was in a meeting today with a team I just joined, I asked what they used to write tests.. they said they don't write tests because no one would see them..
This is crazy right?9 -
The startup life culture is probably killing a lot of talent and taking away peace of mind.
Everything is needed
- too fast
- to work well
Forcing people to compromise on personal life and health.
It also takes away the interest to work on something as an interesting problem and makes it feel like "just another job to get finished".7 -
I got in an argument with a co worker, she says that mass surveillance programs are "none of my business" and I shouldn't care how they operate.
ACTUALLY, ACCORDING TO GOOGLE IT IS MY BUSINESS.
2 -
I'm a web application developer and work for an abattoir.
On slow days I sometimes I go out and pick a cow, give it name, scan its ear/rfid tag, lookup what farm it came from and how much it cost, then monitor it passing through the various production lines.
Yup.4 -
In the last project i worked in, the product owner wouldn't treat people as people but as resources.
The problem with that is you just look at people and their work in terms of a checklist and remain blind about real humans face.
She wouldn't understand the challenges of building something with an absolutely new stack which people needed to learn from scratch and put pieces together. She wouldn't be supportive of people trying out things and fail.
One fine day I told her that I was spending too much time on meetings and i should be excluding that time from available sprint timings.. she made me open my calendar in a screenshare session with all team members. Made me go through go through every meeting invite i had on calender and ordered which ones should i be attending from then and which ones i wont. That was insulting. It broke the trust.
I decided to not work with the project. Stopped putting my heart and soul into it and eventually got out of it in a month time.
Don't put your team into a position like this ever. You have to trust them with the problems they face and try to find a solution. Scrutinizing and micro management will always kill the team.1 -
I will be working from home tomorrow.
*Today*
I am at office because fuck me! I forgot my laptop charger here. -
Just got made redundant 😒
Anyone need a web dev in Melbourne?
I have desirable skills such as working myself out of a job..9 -
This snippet was found in Thanos’ bash history:
```
ps Sh | sort -R | awk 'NR % 2 {print $1}' | xargs sudo kill -9
``` -
Any commbank developers in here wanna fix your stupid car loan application process where I need to know the VIN number of a car that isn't even built yet?
3 -
PayPal.
Found a nice method that does what you want? DEPRECATED.
Finally got that adaptive payment workflow all figured out? BREAKING CHANGES.
Want to use that new feature with your langs library? UNSUPPORTED.
Braintree isn't much better.7 -
@dfox @trogus Was there any discussion about not displaying usernames within the feed? (eg, "posted by brod")
I reckon it's one of the best _features_ devRant has.7 -
Me: "I try to keep it under 400 watchers unless there's a really good reason"
Them: "Oh yeah, cool. So what's a watcher?"
Me: 😦
3 -
I just got asked to print out last weeks production data in the "pristine squiggly brackets format".
😐
WHAT DO YOU MEEEEAAAANNN!4 -
I fucking hate it when customer changes things in the last minute.
"It's a small change", they say. "It shouldn't take you too long", they say.
You know what? Fuck you.7 -
For fuck sake Facebook! do position:fixed for your goddam toolbar on mobile site because you have that fucking infinite scroll!3
-
Why do so many companies think that frontend work can be stuffed at the end of the product development right before a release is expected.
And to top it off, expect all things to be working, smooth, animating, responsive, crisp, fast with 100 fucking lighthouse score.
🖕 To everyone who thinks frontend work is meh!, Not real programming and similar. Fuck you!7 -
Apple has the best UX:
"Type your password followed by the verification code shown on your other devices"
4 -
Typos kill, kids! And deploying to production.
Instead of "for item in items" in my script, I accidentally did "for items in items". Thus, an exponential loop has been entering things into the database for the past few hours before I found the place to fix it.
By the way, this runs on cron every minute. So there are processes still running exponentially right now, possibly 180+.
Yeah, I'm setting up a a test server instead now.11 -
One day after the release of the website of a medium sized travel company, I made a big mistake by accidentally taking it offline for 1 hour during peak usage (~150 simultaneous visitors).
Turns out deleting the wrong image transformation cache folder in production can hang up the PHP process for taking too much load on regenerating image transformations.
The designer of PHP probably took a big load too while creating the first draft.9 -
Scientists have found that If you just kill the Chrome process, it can give you enough charge to fully charge your Mobile Phone.2
-
Did a code test at an interview, had to aggregate data from a db. They stored cities with population count and users referenced cities.. 6 cities had a higher user count than population 🤔
They were a little taken back and suggested the population data must be outdated 😉.. it got a bit awkward1 -
Fuckin hell, do not ever force disconnect people from (poduction) servers, especially if there is a scheduled upgrade in the middle of a busy working day & you have a very small window for updates!! 😠😠😠
ID10T errors all over da place 😒3 -
This whole week I’ve been writing Java (for the first time) and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s a horrible language, written by horrible people, for the purpose of making other people’s lives horrible.
Fuck Java 🙂9 -
That feeling when a coworker screws up totally. doesn't accept it as their fault.
You look at the code and see so much of redundancy and bad practice galore.
You look at it for a while and think you can rewrite it from scratch. But you finally end up saying "fuck this" and feel hopeless because there is not enough time.
Hate that feeling. Hate it. Depresses.2 -
Friend : hey! I wanna buy a laptop.. range is about entry level nothing hi fi! But it should work for 3-4 years.
Me : sure.. give me a few hours..i'll get back.
*Looks all around foe the best thing in that price range.
*Sends a list of laptops ranked based on value for money.
Friend : bought it! Yay! 😎😎😎
*Buys the shittiest laptop they could find at that price range with an absolute old age processor.
Why the fuck did you even ask me at the first place? Fucked couple of hours for me.7 -
Tech Dept set all company phones to the same iCloud account and didn't turn off iMessage..
Boss + HR + random works all just realised they'd been sharing messages.
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉4 -
When the company spamming is also the service provider but fails to gracefully handle requests on their service 😒
6 -
@dfox & @trogus
Any thoughts on allowing people to buy their avatars (and others) as stickers? I understand I can just download the pic and get my own made but a built in feature would be cool - it'd be a nice way to say "hey! I really like your rants!"
Just throwing it out there 🙂4 -
Never used Gradle before but first impression is it's absolutely trash.
What used to take a couple dozen milliseconds now takes hundreds of THOUSANDS of milliseconds..
15 -
Discovered yesterday that my boss does tests with production database... and I'm responsible for the fucking backups and he doesn't even care to let me now when so I can at least schedule one at slave. Come on... it's not that hard to let others know or test on your own machine...1
-
#LifeRightNow
- need to find a new place and roommates to live with
- my gf's father doesn't want us to marry.
- my joint family wants to get separated.
- my boss wants me to be at our primary office ( i work remotely ) asap irrespective of anything since it is our biggest production yet.
- i am about the least productive i can be from last couple of weeks.
- going through a serious allergic condition.
#FuckMyLife8 -
Anyone else been lightly formatting rants and comments with **markdown** hoping for it to be implemented?
_I know I have_1 -
I asked one of my engineering classmate which processor they had in their laptop.
Ans : 3GB.
I dont know whether they dont know a shit about computers or they are too bad at english.10 -
God Apple, why tf does the Fill Screen / Fit Screen button only turn bright / change glyph sometimes ☹️
3 -
well a 🖕🏼 to everybody who thinks CSS isn't really "coding". Stop shaming CSS and people who love it because the moment you would be asked a simple alignment problem, you'll shit your pants.
No! not because it's a hard thing to do in CSS(there are tons of ways to do it.) but because you are ignorant and have prejudice.
🖕🏼 you again!12 -
A primary investor in the company I work for drops by every few days and always smokes cigars in the coffee room and shuts the door..
My coffee and his cigar routines have never collided before today, I'm now trying to figure out the lowest impact server or utility I can shutdown that will cause enough panic to get him out.2 -
How bout instead of "Disrupting space-time continuum" or "Moving satellites into position" .. you just launch your crappy app.
15 -
Found this on prod
Don't know who did this but wwhhhyyyy do you need to add foreach loop😅
Just add directly
11 -
I had 2 features I coded pushed to prod today at work! It's my first week at my new job. It made me realize how toxic and detrimental my last job was to both my self esteem and career. I'm so happy!!2
-
Had to demo i18n working to client with 45m notice..
Google translate the whole page server side and pray CSS behaves.1 -
Right now, I'm tracing a bug that causes some of our data to be lost.
and I found a table with 'xxx' field on it. ohhh. what is it for?19 -
I need help, my site said it's full so I have deleted everything in the media library but now all the images have gone!
Yes, thats its purpose!
Thank fuck it's Friday! -
Been a long ass day, then some later afternoon prepush testing that went long and wrong which led into night - and after all was said and done we had to throw our hands up and say...
https://youtu.be/Qy-Y3HJNU_s
-
My iPhone has two pages for apps, the main page and not the main page - none start on the main page and few ever make it. DevRant has made it to the main page 😊
8 -
"artificial intelligence !== conscious intelligence"
If the brain is just a biological computer that statement is incorrect right? 😟
Are _we_ the robots?4 -
- UI Developer Interview
- 5+ years of revelant experience.
- Says pretty good at CSS
- Have not heard of box model.
FUCK INTERVIEWS. FUCK EXPERIENCE. FUCK EVERYTHING.
2 -
Since I have seen a lot of people uploading this kind of stuff lately, here is Xiaomi's test in production, back in 2017 November...
1 -
Today I had my first ever prod db fuckup due to too wide where clause in delete query. Spent 8 hours restoring service. It's 02.09 now and I'm finally home, going to bed.
Interestingly enough I've enjoyed this experience... -
Me - 1+1 is 2
Client : Did you say 1+1 is 2
Because even i thought 1+1 is 2 and i think we should go ahead with 1+1 2 because that seems like a good thing to me.
***"1+1 is 2" can be replaced by some long tech discussion
#my brain hurts3 -
Can someone explain what's so wrong with CSS?
My only issue is you can't set media query variables - which is totally not an issue with cssnext or similar..4 -
Woke up 4am today to push my first iOS app. Took me three phucking hrs to realise apple is down! Their FUCKING dev stats website says all is green! Fuck u xcode1
-
Many of them. Can't decide which one is the biggest.
- when the asshole in front of me picks up a call and is loud as hell. Wanna kick his nuts.
- Chats. Hangouts. Whatsapp. Just name it.
- retards who don't know how to google something or even worse..what to google and come straight to me to get a solution.
- My own fucking head at times. You start talking about space tech and i'll have to jump into it. And i end up wasting half an hour.1 -
to whomever it may concern...
if i wanted to do code review keeping in mind how asshole you have been and made it my personal vendetta, i would not review it at all.
i would let you and your shitty code rot in hell. -
lets just wait till the day before deploy to finally authorize api testing for users outside of the network - and then get super upset when we aren't adjusted, prepared, and tested in time for next-day deployment
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Worst prod scenario experienced - on site in small African country working on CRM/billing system my colleague was testing some new SQL and after finishing decided to drop and recreate the DB. She thinks the process is very slow and suddenly realizes she is dropping the prod DB. In a panic she shuts down the system and starts doing a restore from tape, but is so stressed out she writes "tar cv" instead of "tar xv" and overwrites the backup with the broken DB. Took a while to clean that one up...2
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Working with LEGAL is the worst!
They say yes to all reviews and once it's in prod they want to completely change the whole thing cause they think every user reads the Terms & Condition!
To be honest I deployed 5 times. I have not read that shit once!1 -
Fridays..
I was sitting in Office, reading some documentation today before I can leave for Weekend. Suddenly my co-worker next to my shouts fuck.
He is one of our database engineers and he got notified that one of the prod db Servers was on 100% and the storage was on 95% out of nowhere. So he checked that and someone else started a comparison between two large datasets.
Line by line.
Logging every cell result in a log file.
That resultet in a insanely fast growing lock file in the size of a few hundred Gigabytes.
So he looked up who did that stuff and tried to call him but it seems like the other dev leaved Right after starting his crappy script.
So he had to get his private number to call him so they could kill that script without Breaking the prod db… -
Best part of being a dev is that you get to be part of an amazing community like devRant.
Also the kind of jokes and stories devs get to share and laugh about is beyond anything. 😍 -
Hotfix asap. Hotfix still in progress.
An ehancement that also needs the hotfix to be release at live in two days. One day for pre-live testing, and another for live testing.
I pray that nothing else will break.2 -
Disclaimer!!!
Do at your own risk.
-----------------------------------
- Take a strong magnet, like a neodymium magnet.
- Hold it in your hand.
- Move your hand across a Macbook 15"'s keyboard. Say from left to right or vice versa. Almost touching they keys.
You'll see the screen dimming. If you just hold it there for a little longer, it'll lock your macbook. It's funny, but I am not sure if it's doing some damage to hardware.9 -
Shoutout to any CommBank developers, I've been dreading going in to a branch to open an account - turns out it's only a 3 minute exercise using the website 😌👏 👏1
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why the fuck no client underdtands that a native select input cant be styled to show fairies and angels. and the same goes with many other browser elements.1
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Oooh I have quite a few,
My favourite: accidently left a log. Debug("bollocks") in a try catch this made it through testing and does (still) occasionally go into production log files.
Worst: wrote an interceptor for jboss with the intent of checking cache for some lookup data. I picked the wrong one of two similarly named methods and instead queried the database, I effectively wrote a denial of service utility into our app -
I haven't seen Gary Bernhardt's presentations linked in here yet, hopefully thats because everyones already seen them - but if you haven't, prepare yourself:
https://destroyallsoftware.com/talk...1 -
Just before deploying this to prod found this bug... discover this bug with bunch of print statements
7 -
i have seen bugs getting into prod but not the local language getting into prod. what language is this?
15 -
Does anyone work on a bunch of local NPM modules wanna describe their workflow for local dev vs deploy?
I’ve got mine but it feels a little trashy. It’s basically one npm script to link all the local modules for dev and another which will npm install them in prod - is there a better way without adding more build tools?1 -
Moving my baby into prod this morning. I find that the louder my headphones are, the less I can hear myself freaking out.
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Confession: a very important feature of the website I'm developping wasn't working for a certain time. The boss wasn't aware because he doesn't go on the site, and I only found out last week because I needed to implement a new feature that used the previous one. Problem: the bug was only on production, not on local (and of course we don't have test server).
I took advantage of the absence of my boss today to clear the situation by making all of my tests on prod. I hope no customer tried to pass a command today, but it's finally repaired. I am both proud and shameful.4 -
What do people feel about remote work?
I got into my current work about 8 months and we all were remote working.
In 8 months, we met in person several times and worked together at one place for a week or two.
We have never overcome the feeling of a disconnect when we work remotely. There's less focus and less clarity on things to do.
Is this common? How do people be focused and productive in remote work?
Also how do people communicate effectively?2 -
Does anyone else feel like their brains aren't working, like they cant focus on anything and this has been going on for more than a week now?
I know there are things to do. I have gone through huge pain created github issues for those things but my brain just seems to reject the idea that it can solve those issues. Just feels like playing a game or just killing time would be best!
Needless to say I hate it.
Happens/happening with others?2 -
Been using Macbook Pro for 6 months now for development work. Except for the retina display and the battery, I don't like a shit. I would love to go back to ubuntu and a normal keyboard layout.4
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Ran a query on a prod server for 50 minutes before realizing I forgot to put my exclusions in the results... Oops.... New query runs in 1.5min. 4500 rows from the potential 340k rows.2
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Question: can I describe OOP as "not in a loop, doesn't use interrupts" ?
I don't know much outside of OOP so describing it is like describing life, hard.9 -
Motherfuck oh clients! My goodness their requirements.
They want a tiny part of an app load inside an iframe in a different app and have the data communicate both ways and the ui should look seamless and mobile responsive too.
What the actual fuck? iframe in 2016 ? Seriously?5 -
There is a serious possibility that our team will need to deploy into prod on a Friday because of a regulatory deadline and 3rd parties not being ready.
God help us -
I get a chill or an eerie feeling when there are more programs open than needed and I go ahead and kill them.
Is it just me or happens to others too?2 -
A game lover and anticipator of No Man's Sky. It's the shittiest, most boring, most repetative game i ever played. the graphics sucks. the game assets suck...the game sucks. The apparent lack of variety and stuff you can do will piss you off. This is thr game which could have been one od the best but turned out to be worst.3
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did on my last project:
1 .Using QA env as dev env
2. Deploy in production not completely tested stuff (90% tested)
3. Run with errors in prod
4. Manual fix in prod
5. Git versioning1 -
i once explored our codebase and copied every line of commented out code into a text file. that file is over 350 lines long.1
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Name a more 2018/2019 New Year’s Eve.. We used a new emoji in a commit message and it borked the CI pipeline.
3 -
FUCK EVERYONE right now. Stupid business with vague information, stupid dev team making SHITTY code. STUPID AUTO CORRECT TRYING TO CENSOR ME!1
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Pushing a project in production without as much problems as expected is a very, very good feeling.
Have a great Friday, fellow developers.1 -
To ensure everything goes well on prod, the chief QA set an env called 'stable' after prod deployment to stimulate true prod situation. Then we found that some apis on 'stable' crashed more often then those on prod.
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I worked hard to learn it so I can impress and then ended up loving way too much that it became my career.
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- Change this, change that too, oh and that too.
* Ok, will do ( however unlikely it's going to be finished correctly, as you didn't consult me before or listen to me about the impact this might have )
- ( just stfu and do it )
Sometime at or after important cutoff:
- Hey this doesn't show up, is that right
* Yeah, you wanted too many things changed at once + fix it and notice a stupid error like an && switched with a ||, or other models that don't know about change x yet
/repeat3 -
When you get an assignment by mail,
- you do those changes exactly as being asked, albeit one insignificant extra visual thing,
- you send back exactly what's changed (which is exactly what was being asked, but naming things as they are, clearer than I can ever explain changes),
- you go to the person that has assigned the very thing, explain it, he seems to get it,
...
Then.. a few hours later.. you get a reply via mail:
"Come explain what you're saying here, because I don't get it."
🤨 -
Realize the migrations of the technical base of application,
Go to the master branch of the git repository,
Open the pom.xml to get the last version of the app (running on prod) and see 0.0.1-SNAPSHOT
Lateral position of security and crying...1 -
I know it's a bit late from the official launch of iOS 11, but finally I get to have my hands on this. So, let's jump in and explore what's new.
11 -
so what is worse than monday morning?
It's finding the right angle for your macbook pro screen because the office changed the fucking lights and they reflect more than ever.
AND THEY ARE BRIGHT AS HELL. MY EYES BURN!3 -
every fucking time when the product owners start talking absolute shit that you have no idea and you would never need to know or listen to.
ITS A WASTE OF MY FUCKING TIME. SHUT THE FUCK UP AND TAKE IT OFFLINE. -
so i took a deep dive into my work at the previous company, the amount of effort i put in and the amout of new things i learned. At that time I was pissed every moment that I had to work there and it was such a pathetic place..but now I feel i created amazing things there. brought a smile today. Not a rant.. but something my fellow devs might have felt.
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Was trying to figure out the seemingly unending line of scripts that call scripts scripts and I commented out the core functionality of a job in production. Stayed their for weeks. The script in question? Validates that correct data is loading from an etl job.
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1. Only thing where correct logic doesn't backfire at you.
2. It is a wonderful thing where you get the satisfaction of solving something, organizing things and making things look beautiful all at once.
3. Its the only thing I know how to do to make money :p -
this happens when i am learning something new and however much i try, i cannot solve a problem, i go home and cook. Clean the kitchen in best possible way. Eat with peace and voila.. things start making sense. :)
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Ask a client to populate Dev and QA environments with Prod data. They also populated prod with the data two more times.
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One nightmarish project that was doomed from the beginning, had me as the sole developer. I could hardly sleep when we began testing on a separate test system, but with (nearly) all the config stored in shared memory and copied from the production system, I dreaded, half awake, that the production server data base connection was still configured in the test system and that it was shooting all it's test data repeatedly to prod.
Finally drove to company in middle of the night at 4 o'clock. Checked everything was OK, tried to sleep 3 hours before the start of the work day.
This system also had the most hideous memory corruption in some shared memory that was used across several processes and should have been thoroughly protected by a mutex, but somehow, sometimes this crucial map, that was used to speed up the access to all the customer data just contained garbage.
Still haunts me to that day. (Like xkcd's unresolved tension of a non-matching parenthesis - an unresolved bug. -
String good =
"I'll never give up type systems!!"
+ " Do you hear me?!"
+ " Never!";
bad =
"Can't believe it made it all the way into prod."
% NaN + 3 / '11'
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