Conversation today...

Guy: "Hey I need a real quick script to pull some values out of an XML document...is that possible?"

Me: "Uh...yeah that's pretty simple if that's all it has to do."

Guy: "Ok excellent I'll send you some files and documentation."

Me: "Ok so is this like a one time use thing or do you need to parse multiple of these?"

Guy: "Actually it needs to run all the time, on this specific PC, watch directories for any files that are added, then generate a XLSX files of the values, and also log information to a database. Etc"

Me: "Oh that adds quite a bit of complexity from what you originally said. It's going to take more time."

Guy: "But you said it was easy."

Well fuck you...

Last year I built the platform 'Tindex'. It was an index of Tinder profiles so people could search by name, gender and age.

We scraped the Tinder profiles through a Tinder API which was discontinued not long ago, but weird enough it was still intact and one of my friends who was also working on it found out how to get api keys (somewhere in network tab at Tinder Online).

Except name, gender and age we also got 3 distances so we could calculate each users' location, then save the location each 15 minutes and put the coordinates on a map so users of Tindex could easily see the current location of a specific Tinder user.

Fun note: we also got the Spotify data of each Tinder user, so we could actually know on which time and which location a user listened to a specific Spotify track.

Later on we started building it out: A chatbot which connected to Tinder so Tindex users could automatically send a pick up line to their new matches (Was kinda buggy, sometimes it sent 3 pick up lines at ones).

Right when we started building a revenue model we stopped the entire project because a friend of ours had found out that we basically violated almost all terms.

Was a great project, learned a lot from it and actually had me thinking twice or more about online dating platforms.

Below an image of the user overview design I prototyped. The data is mock-data.

What are your thoughts on marijuana? Have you ever coded while being high?

"Let me review your code, I used to work as a toilet cleaner"

How programmers comment their code

Git.

The smallest utility made its way to being the largest companies must-have, the most critical part of the whole development landscape.

Using just plain C, Git can shred huge amounts of data insanely fast. It never gets old.

Git is a developer's scalpel.

Yes, it's in a basement, but I'm close to my servers 😅

Single AF (+_+)

If VLC can't play it, nothing can.

When I was traveling on the road and playing around with some code...

My boss typed up a GitLab ticket that looked like it took at least an hour to make. Screenshots, diagrams, how to reproduce the bug, dreams, hopes, desires, dinner recipes, marriage advice, how to diversify a portfolio. Honestly, the whole 9 yards.

The bug fix was changing a SQL Inner Join to a Left Join. 10 seconds.

All day, everyday.

This happened once in my life

Me as a boyfriend

Btw , am single now

Dev conversations be like 🤣🤣

i mean wtf

And so I answered.

Dream.. Keep dreaming 😂 😂

Texture.PNG

Source: reddit, ofc

Bug fix.

This is a pretty good ad.

Well, that was quick 😅

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I present you the API I'm working with...

That's a pretty fucking useful error description right there.

Next thing you know, you're getting an email from your oven about it's updated privacy policy.

I think CS education is getting weaker and weaker every year.
Since they released CS GO, CS seems to be overtaken by little cry kiddies who put out insults like an AK on speed.
I wish CS education was like when CS 1.6 came out.
Those were great years to learn gungames on The Simpsons maps and you were actually able to land headshots by skill and not just utter luck.

(applying to a developer position)
interviewer : So, do you like to code?
me : of course!
interviewer : Are you sure? because this is a developer position and women prefer something more administrative than coding.
me : Wow! nobody told me that before. If I had known I wouldn't have studied this.
didn't expect to be called back after that...

Today my classmate came up to me and said he was a hacker.

I told him to prove it, and guess what? HE ACTUALLY HACKED GOOGLE!

It was amazing! He impressed so many kids in the class with his skills of pressing F12! How impressive is that?

He even wore a black hoodie and can spell his name in binary code. Not to mention, he changed google doc's page color to black and the font to green as he typed his essay.

I need to be careful... This 1337 h4x0r is really scary.

83w4r3

PHP porn

Girl: "hey"

My Brain:
java.lang.NullPointerException:
at net.brain.functions.Talk.retrieveSpeech(Talk.java:2978)
at net.brain.functions.Talk.createFlirtyResponse(Talk.java:3132)

Me: null

*Girl walks away*

Me: *puts small piece of tape over webcam*

NSA: Okay guys, shut it all down. No way we can record from the microphone, log keys, access the file system, USB devices, network data or watch the screen. He did the tape.