A client called me today saying their custom website I built for them is down. It just shows a 403 error now. They said they just wanted to update the prices. I asked what changes they made before it crashed. She said, "I couldn't figure out how to change the prices, so I just installed Wordpress, and now it doesn't work!" They completely deleted the entire website using cPanel and replaced it with a partially installed Wordpress.🤦

Well, I was the One that was scolded. Because I basically took over without asking permission to fix a critical outage.
I fixed it within 3 minute, while the person in question have been trying for 2 hours.

He then got very angry and told me infront of everyone that "dont ever help me out".

Said and done. I never helped him ever since, even if he clearly struggled with everything.
He got fired recently due to incompetense

Just got this little stinker added to my board this morning….

Ticket Title: Weird shit going on in app

Ticket Description: (blank)

Attachment: <Screenshot of app logo>

Manager: Well what do you think is causing it?

Dev: Causing what?? This ticket doesn’t describe anything at all

Manager: Well it’s a bunch of different things! The ticket is just a high level summary. Now how long do you think it’ll take to fix?

Dev: …

"Hey, Root, someone screwed up and now all of our prod servers are running this useless query constantly. I know I already changed your priorities six times in the past three weeks, but: Go fix it! This is higher priority! We already took some guesses at how and supplied the necessary code changes in the ticket, so this shouldn't take you long. Remember, HIGH PRIORITY!"

1. I have no idea how to reproduce it.
2. They have no idea how to reproduce it.
3. The server log doesn't include queries.
4. The application log doesn't include queries.
5. The tooling intercepts and strips out some log entries the legendary devs considered useless. (Tangent: It also now requires a tool to read the logs because log entries are now long json blobs instead of plain text.)
6. The codebase uses different loggers like everywhere, uses a custom logger by default, and often overwrites that custom logger with the default logger some levels in. gg
7. The fixes shown in the ticket are pretty lame. (I've fixed these already, and added one they missed.)
8. I'm sick and tired and burned out and just can't bring myself to care. I'm only doing this so i don't get fired.
9. Why not have the person who screwed this up fix it? Did they quit? I mean, I wouldn't blame them.

Why must everything this company does be so infuriatingly complicated?

!!fml

"Root, go fix this bug. It'll take you two days."

The "bug" is a feature that was never implemented for one particular payment type.

The code in question is two years old, full of typos, smells, junior-isms, and is convoluted AF. The feature's commit touched 190 files and implemented many other features as well. Thus far, I have been unable to narrow down where this particular feature's code lives for the other payment types, nor which code or payment paths lead to it. Burned out, I can barely focus on the screen, let alone follow its many twisting and dynamically-inferred paths. I hint as to the ticket's scavenger hunt nature during standup.

"But I wrote comments on the ticket telling you exactly where to look to fix it," Thundercunt admonishes in front of the team.

"Sure, you did," Root replies. "You reworded what the original dev had said in the comments 20 minutes prior, and agreed with him. His comments were helpful, but it doesn't tell me how any of it works," she continues.

TC scoffs and closes the meeting.

Root stares blankly, seeing neither code nor screen, questions her life decisions, and recalls the previous tickets she has worked on: nearly every one of them busywork, fixing other people's bugs. Bugs she never could have gotten away with if she tried.

"Why do I put up with this?" She asks. "They don't care, and it's killing me."

But the bills remain, and so must she.

"Fuck my life" she finally decides.

Buy it, use it, break it, fix it
Trash it, change it, mail - upgrade it
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it
Snap it, work it, quick - erase it
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it
Load it, check it, quick - rewrite it
Plug it, play it, burn it, rip it
Drag and drop it, zip - unzip it
Lock it, fill it, call it, find it
View it, code it, jam - unlock it
Surf it, scroll it, pause it, click it
Cross it, crack it, switch - update it
Name it, rate it, tune it, print it
Scan it, send it, fax - rename it
Touch it, bring it, pay it, watch it
Turn it, leave it, start - format it

Manager: What’s taking so long on that PR?? It’s just some small styling adjustments

Dev: No it’s not you added an entire new calendar module that doesn’t work

Manager: Ok but besides that it’s just a small couple of css edits

Dev: You made styling changes in 50 files, half of which break our mobile responsiveness

Manager: Well then STOP talking to me and FIX IT if you’re so smart.

Dev: You also added a series of filters on a table in this same PR that cause th—

Manager: OK SO I GOT A BIT DISTRACTED THE FACT IS IT ALL NEEDS TO GET DONE SO IT DOESN’T MATTER IF IT’S ALL ON ONE PR SPLITTING THINGS UP INTO SMALL UPDATES IS JUST UNNECESSARY BUREAUCRACY AND IF YOU LIKE THAT THEN GO. WORK. FOR. THE GOVERNMENT!!!

Dev: …

I would absolutely love it if people would write their own stupid code instead of blindly mixing everyone else's mental diarrhea together and pouring the resulting mess into their bloody stupid IDE. At least then I could insult them properly. As it is, they're outsourcing their fucking stupidity to the lowest fucking bidder and then bragging about how quickly they get everything done. And management eats it up! No wonder everything is a slow, tangled, unmaintanable mess.

I can't fix much of anything because almost none of it is in my control. It's all autogenerated bullshit glued together with laziness and poor taste. "But Root, why is fixing this taking so long?" Gee, I wonder why. Maybe if someone had built it somewhere in realm of correctly the first time, it wouldn't have all fallen apart when someone looked at it the wrong way!

Seriously, there's no way this pile of stale fertilizer could have passed QA.

Wtf Microsoft...

Found out the hard way that copying a line of code from Teams chat will sometimes convert the spaces into unrecognized ASCII char.

Spent a few hours yesterday to fix the bad chars.
🤡👍

Every 2 months without fail:

Manager: I don’t understand what the point of writing tests is. They only ever pass and when they fail we just fix them so they pass again! It’s completely redundant!!! An exercise in absolute futility!

Dev: …

Walked into the office in the afternoon, everyone was kinda panicking
Asked what was going on, well, the ticket system is not working anymore, can't put in any new tickets.
So I started to look for the issue as well, checked the system and... The last tickets' IDs were at ~32k. Ha. Looked into the source code and, sure enough, they used a data type with an upper limit of... 32k. So when trying to get a new ticket ID it just crashed and burned.
Quickly changed the data type and stopped the office panic in around half an hour.
Memorable not because of how tough the bug was, but because of the impact and the simplicity of the fix

So yesterday one of the "senior" python developers woke me up at 1 am (we work in different time zones, and he knows how many hours I'm ahead) asking why isn't his code working. The error message was:

[ERROR] Runtime.ImportModuleError: Unable to import module 'app': xxx is not installed, run `pip install xxx` Traceback (most recent call last)

I am at lose of words and patience. Not only idiots who can't google simple stuff are seniors, additionaly we went from "DevOps is a culture" straight to "hey I'm developer in my silo, if it doesn't work on my machine it's DevOps problem, plz fix".

Sometimes I feel I'm the live version of stack overflow for my family and friends...
Mom: The printer is acting up, how do I fix it?
Brother: I can't login to Netflix, help!
Grandparents: could you fix the radio/TV?
Gf: Apple can't validate my .uk mail

All to which I replied with the answer to life, the universe and everything...

FUCKING GOOGLE IT! Have you googled it?!

And the inevitable reply: no.

The only ones who get a free pass are my grandparents they were born in the 40's and think YouTube works on voodoo.

> make a change
> PR gets rejected
> IHATEFORALIVING! YOUR CHANGE IS NOT WORKING! EVERYTHING BREAKS!
> 3 hours long debugging session
> We find out a whole bunch of bugs
> Suddenly, everything works
> None of the bugs had ANYTHING to do with my change. In the instances where the app broke, my code wasn't even being called at all.
> My change was literally the one and only working thing

I wish life was like in The Office, when you just stop what you're doing and you drop the Jim stare at some camera

Hey. This code look broken. What should I do?

It isn't broken. It's doing what it's supposed to.

Well, it's hard to follow, but it certainly doesn't look right. And it isn't doing what I expect. Also, why is it calling method(a_class1_or_class2) with a class3?

It isn't hard to follow, and it works just fine. Let me show you. ... huh. looks like it isn't right. and there's a comment here saying the calls aren't clear. but it works just fine. Just copy it over and do it the same way.

I already did that. and it isn't working.

What are you talking about? Of course it works fine. Did you check your code?

------

Really, dude? It doesn't work fine. but, guess what? It works fine* when I change it to call that method with a class2 like it asks for. (Surprise!) But I can't tell him that. Nope. Bossmang get offended. Still won't admit I was right about anything, either.

Ahh... the continual joy of working with (and for) trash.

* well, more fine; the rest of the feature is still wrong. but nope, i'm not allowed to fix it. because why would they want anything to work properly? Already-accepted wrong behavior is good enough. Can't clean up the code, either, because that "muddies the waters." Bitch, I couldn't see the bottom of this sewer if it was half an inch deep! Which is more important: the last contributor entry beside the code, or that code being readable and maintainable? or it, you know, working?

doot doot.
need to scoot.

Messaging me at 4:30pm on a Friday about a high priority issue currently in production.

My reply: a link to the code review from 2 months ago that literally explained the problem and what to do to fix it. That got implemented. Then removed. For some reason...

Feels good.

i got access to production of our internal website 😈😈😈

I'm finally gonna fix that shitty css

Boy do I hate office politics...

A client asked our company to fix perf issues on their product. Our coleagues had been picked for the job [being led by another 3rd-party, as per client's request]. Aaand they dropped the ball. The deadline is in 2 weeks, nothing is working.

Mgmt engaged us to put out the fire, but strictly at the scope the other guys were working in.

On the first day of testing we've revealed an elephant-sized perf issue that's as easy to fix as brainlessly changing 4 values in config. And that elephant is masking all the other perf issues.

We got a firm NO for config changes as that is out of the defined scope. And we're asked to continue testing.

I mean, the elephant is THAT huge that any further testing is moot - all other bottlenecks are hidden behind it. And just changing those 4 values would reduce the resources required by a magnitude of ~10.

But that's out of scope...

Client is desperate, lost and honestly asking us, pros in the field, for help.. We know how to help.. It takes 10 seconds to apply the fix..

But our mgmt forbids us to step out of the scope :/

as a result we have to pretend to be dummies hardly knowing what to do and hide the truth from the customer they so desperately want.

This is frustrating. And wrong. And imo unprofessional

Manager: We will be building a new app. THIS TIME EVERYTHING MUST BE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT, ANYTHING LESS THAN TOP QUALITY WORK WILL BE REJECTED!!

*Not even 2 days into the new project*

Manager: Ok that’s good enough, we can fix it later. Can you go quicker on the next feature? Just sacrifice a bit of quality so we get these tickets closed as fast as possible. I said we can fix it later. Getting tickets closed asap is top priority.

Dev: …

!rant

Let's take a moment to appreciate interested and enthousiastic non-developers who really want to learn a programming language.

I am studying Medical IT at my college and most of my classmates aren't coming from an IT background.
We're currently working with Java, PHP, JavaScript and some require Node for their semester projects.

Some of my classmates approach me when they're stuck while coding and I try to teach them as much as possible so they understand what they are doing wrong and how to fix it.
I also show them how they can optimise their code step by step and they love it!

As a classmate told me yesterday:
"It's always so much fun working with you. I come up with a small problem, but I end up learning so much more about programming when solving a problem with you. I appreciate that."

It's a mindset I've learned when I was doing my developer apprenticeship back in the day. One of my colleagues told me: "if they want your help because they need a quick fix, tell them to kiss your ass. If you know they've already tried everything they could and ask you specifically because they want to understand what they are doing wrong, they are future developers with great potential, so go teach them."

May the force be with you, my enthousiastic little non-devs ❤️

My graduation project partner was strange person

Favorite IDE is VIM

Forget how to use git

But somehow she could code most of the app

I asked what does she do when mistake happens, she answered "delete and write again"

I suggest github but she is "to embarrassed to show her code on internet"

She send .zip file of her code to me

Go to univ library to copy some code because she don't believe random code on internet

Of course verson of code on book in library is too old, but she prefer fix herself

But she is overall good person, so I can graduate next month

Intern: Can I fix this?

Dev: sure whatever

(Intern makes breaking change.)

Dev:

Managers: fullStackClown!!!! The image uploader on the dashboard at <insert 3rd party service here> isn't working!!!!!

fullStackClown: Yeah? What do you want me to do about it?

Managers: Well, fix it!

fullStackClown: ... * sigh * Well, in case you didn't realize, I don't work at <insert 3rd party service here>, so... unless you want me to go work for them instead of you absolute clowns (which I dream about daily), I cannot help you further in this matter.

Managers: ...

fullStackClown: ...

Kill me. 🤡

Today I ran the Windows network troubleshooter because my laptop didn't have wifi.

The troubleshooter ACTUALLY FIXED THE ISSUE!!! This is the first time I see a Windows troubleshooter actually FIX THE ISSUE.

Sorry. I don’t give out free tips.

These are the available packages:

TipsPack Basic (9.99$): 5 tips to increase your productivity 2 fold.
1 ad between every tip.

TipsPack Premium (17.99$): 20 tips + 1 bonus tip for 10x productivity. 2 ads.

One bug fix free when you purchase either pack.

People who message “I’m getting a error” without any context or even better the actual error message, no one else can see your screen and we can’t magic a fix, and we’re not f***ing psychic, tell us what the f***ing error is. Or better yet, figure it f***ing out like the rest of us, you also have google - go nuts

Oh boy, my riskiest coding decision was certainly that one time when I refactored some 50k lines of critical legacy shit code in 3 days, straight up merged everything into master and then deployed to prod.
Luckily there was only one minor bug I had to fix after that... phew...
(To my defense: I was solo-working on it - the infamous CMS Of Doom™)

I've become a night worker. To put it mildly, it's become mildly annoying. I start studying/writing code at night and before I know it, it's morning. I can't seem to stop. I then end up feeling weak and sleepy during the day when I need to be awake. If I'm lucky, I get a few hours of sleep during the day. And then at night, it happens all over again. I need to fix this.

If you claim that you are a senior developer and you need help fixing something that you broke and your entire question is ‘Please help me fix it I don’t understand’, then go fuck yourself.

You know what, fuck microshit to fuck town and back again.

What part of disabling "allow the computer to turn of this device to save power"

DO YOU NOT FUCKIJG UNDERSTAND!

MY FUCKING USB'S ARE GOING FUCKING MENTAL SWITCHING ON AND OFF LIKE A DRUNKEN HOBO YOU COCK FUCKS.

my week is a complete and utter shit of a week as it is, I don't need this bullshit on top of it too.

#Microsoft, fix your fucking shit already!

"LeT's uSe gRaPhQL!" They said.

"It EliMinAtEs cOmpLeX aNd vErBoSe REST coDe!" they said.

Me sitting here for hours waiting for the backend team to fix major regressions every time they push the smallest "updates" to staging... 🤡

Call me a boomer but I can't help but feeling graphQL makes things MORE complex than REST... either that or the backend devs have no idea what they are doing

I get a call from a client at 7 PM:
- Client: We have a business partner that just visited the website you just made for us and he said it was absolutely terrible, things are not showing up, layout is all messed up... *sends photo*. This is a VERY important new business partner and this will affect our relationship and image. Fix it NOW!
- Me: ok? I will check ... *proceed to check on several browsers and versions*
- Me: I checked on all modern browsers, cleaned cache, tried from multiple devices, it seems to be fine. What browser is your partner visiting the site from?
- Client: Idk, let me ask ...
- Client: Internet Explorer
- Me: ... that browser is not even supported anymore wth?!
- Client: We need it fixed!
- Me: ... *proceeds and hacks for IE website until 6 AM*

my boss: this fucking thing doesn't get done and everyone is coming after me about it

me, who doesn't have the access required to fix that for him:

Out of all the bugs, the most annoying are the ones that come out and make me say "WTF?!?!? WHY THE FUCK HAS IT BEEN WORKING FOR THE LAST 2 YEARS??!!?!!??? THERE"S NO WAY IT COULD HAVE!"

When the bug surfaces, you investigate and see that it indeed IS a bug and there's no way it would ever work w/o a fix. But then SOMEHOW it's been working just fine for years....

It's like server elves went on strike and said "no more, it's enough covering that bug - it's time you fix it, lazy-ass idiot!"

>On a call with Manager
>he's showing off some code
>oh cool he's finally assigning me some real work

PM: So yeah, just wanted to have you on a call to show you how easy it was to fix this.

Me: ... Oh... OK.

PM: yeah so this was completely broken. The last guy that was working on this didn't do a great job. Like seriously, what is this? Amateur hour? Hahaha

Me:... Haha... Yeah, right... 🫠

PM: anyways I figured I would go ahead and do this because it would take me 10 minutes to figure out. It would probably would have taken you 3 hours or something to figure out.

Me: ok... <why tf am on this call other than for you to shit on my skills?>

PM: anyways just wanted to walk you through what I did and show you how easy it was to fix.

Me: ok.

Just spent 10+ hours refactoring a code, and at the end I've figure it out a one line fix to the problem... just wasted 10 hours of my life.. :)

My sleep times are fucked.
I don't even know how to fix them anymore.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

A PR I raised was left un-reviewed for 3 months. And finally when shit hit the fan, I was asked why I never worked on the fix.

I pointed to the PR I raised 3 months ago and I got absolutely flamed for it because obviously, it was my fault that I did my part, asked for a review and moved on to other tasks.

According to my manager, I should have kept pushing for the PR to be reviewed.

I wanted to set the office on fire that day.

We've had a bunch of flaky tests in our repo for a while now that no one could be bothered to fix; we'd just re-run ci until it's green. Today I looked into it and I was inspired to make this meme, because I lived through it.

Adding logs to investigate just lowered the fail rate making investigation more difficult. I do have an idea of what it might be though so, we'll see tomorrow.

Sales: "There is a problem in complicated feature A, in a client system!
Dev: "What is the problem"
Sales: "I don't know exactly"
Dev: "which client system? What version is installed?"
Sales: crickets.
Dev: "Do you a Jira ticket, or an email with more details?"
Sales: "It is urgent that we fix the problem ASAP!"
Dev: "what problem"
Sales: "The problem! I talked to the VP RnD, So he can make sure you are on it!"
Dev: "What exactly do you me to fix"
Sales: "The Problem!"

Them: "What can we do to fix this?"

Me: Contact the vendor

Them: Ok, but from our side?

Me: Wait for the vendor to reply

Them: And what can we do to prevent this from happening again?

Me: get better vendors, include I.T on the process when the org decides to purchase shitty third party software.

Them: Ok but besides that?

Me: Drink?

Seriously tho, tf you expect me to do?

my boss asked me to log in 1h30 after i logged off because "a user has been experiencing this bug the entire day and i should fix it because we're on maintenance tomorrow " but a) it's a known bug that we can't reproduce, he should've notified sooner the issue; b) it's not a big deal, i can fix it tomorrow, it's just not ticking a column in the database; c) I'm off work, go cry about it

Fix my depression
Learn C++ properly
Fix my life's future
Try to pick up a relationship which I've dropped out of stupidity again.

A friend asking me to fix his bugs in the code.... But when I review his code .....

Omg

We do infra as a code, and one of my coworker worked on the project alone. Few months down the road, when shit hits the fan, he just message me this is not working.

First of all, I did not write that shit, and also I was never part of the conversation during the decision making. So when shit hits the fan what do you expect me to do? Do some black magic and fix it magically???

4 hours! four fucking hours! f.o.u.r. h.o.u.r.s.!
It's the amount in the time domain this bug has cost me to fix. The cost in the sanity domain is immeasurable...
I swear, the god damn ass births of devs who coded this abomination should be slowly mutilated and then raped by their own severed limbs.
It took me 4 hours to figure out that their 12 year old binary CLI tool they used to generate PDFs from PHP could not handle neither HTML5 nor some linebreaks at specific places. Some part of it is due to them using REGEX to find and replace HTML tag.
Yes, I am indeed very pissed. And I need a 🥃 or 3

What we learned:
- Don't use REGEX to "parse" HTML
- Don't call random compiled CLI tools from PHP if there are PHP packages to do the same shit

in my attempt to fix my sleeping schedule, i actually slept early... only to wake up at 3 am 🤡

No other language can do something as fucky as javascript.

"7 high severity vulnerabilities"
$> npm audit fix --force
"13 vulnerabilities (11 high, 2 critical)"

How is this fixed?!

It will be a great day when JS finally prolapses under the weight of its own hubris.

??????????????????? What??????

???? What???????

I couldnt solve a bug for hours.
Hours of googling.
Hours of mental trainwreck.
Hours of stress.
1:28 am.

I cant solve it.

HOLD ON I HAVE AN IDEA.

ChatGPT AI. HELP ME.

i copy and pasted the part of code thats bugging me. Keep in mind that this is a VERY large and robust system and this is just tiny percentage of code.

I told the AI to help me fix this shit bug.

ChatGPT literally explained me what the bug is as if im retarded and wrote code how to fix it.

LOOK AT THE SCREENSHOT U CANT EVEN MAKE THIS SHIT UP

HOW????

AAAAAAA!!!!!! fullstackchris!!! we've got an error!!!

***proceeds to send screenshot of monitor with no error on it***

bonus points if its a picture of their desktop from a mobile phone

Jesus titty fucking Christ people are stupid. I hate everyone in the software development lifecycle that isn’t a developer or isn’t technically minded. Everyone else seems to be a fucking goofy arse mother fucker.

I just got in trouble because I fixed a defect that never should have been fixed, even though in yesterdays standup they brought it up and asked me what the status of it was. Apparently I was just supposed to estimate the defect and see how long it would take to fix. Why the fuck wouldn’t we do that in a grooming session or a sprint planning session, you are just begging to confuse the devs. Absolute mud sharks.

In an unexpected turn of events, it appears as if years of choosing fancy bullshit over code maintainability will cause said fancy bullshit to eventually break and no obvious way to fix it. There's no way anyone would have seen this one coming.

Because DevOps in a lot of organizations is really “help desk for clueless developers”, conversations like this happen a lot:

Dev “hey the thing seems to be not working right”

Me “what does that even mean? I need you to be a good deal more specific. What thing. What isn’t working?”

Dev “I dunno”

Me “Are there error messages?”

Dev “yes”

Me “….would you like to share them with me?”

Dev *sends error*

Me “ok did you actually read this error message?”

Dev “yes”

Me “…so you’re good then? It says you’re trying to use a variable that hasn’t been declared yet. You should fix that. “

Dev “…”

Me “good luck”

You know when you try to fix a bug but you end up fixing a different bug you had no idea existed

analysing a database problem and writing a 4-line fix: 5 minutes.

preparing a foolproof manual for the manager on how to apply the fix: 15 minutes

writing a manager-level explanation what the fix does: 30 minutes.

explaining it to the manager: 30 minutes.

writing a _detailled_ explanation why we need the fix: 60 minutes.

explaining it to the manager again: 30 minutes.

figuring out why our progress is slow:

_priceless_

Why do my colleagues insist on HOURLY messages like "any update on X?" or "did you fix Y yet?"

REST ASSURED, WHEN IT IS DONE AND READY TO BE DEMOED, I WILL MESSAGE YOU, AS I HAVE FOR ALL PAST FEATURES AND BUG FIXES.

sheesh talk about too much time on your hands...

Monday morning: The last straw.

After talking about in a previous rant about how my client wants to fix bugs that keeps popping out after bug fix.

Today I discovered, that all C-levels, worked all Saturday to "fix my code" because it "didn't work" and we "needed bug fixes not pretty things".

The app version I was working on for the last week is gone. Without mentioning that their "CTO" wrote a fucking crappy code to disable features that I added, breaking the build step.

This shit is enough for me, I'm done!

Nightmare IRL:

Your colleague is in PTO for 2 weeks.

You are in charge of maintaining his project along with yours, CI, code, tests and everything.

Your colleague's code base is a real master piece of shit when you look at it closer. By shit, I mean hardcoded values everywhere, random sleeps now and then, 20 if branches that could be replaced by maps, variables named a b c d everywhere, try catch to silence errors that should not be silenced, etc.

Your colleague left the CI and code broken as shit. Takes forever to run on my goddamn computer.

PMs are spamming you: "What is going on? It's red everywhere. Help! Plz fix this! We are going to release tomorrow!"

FML

Boss: <Commits odd and breaking changes to my specs>
Boss: How did these specs of yours ever pass!?
Boss: That's not how this gem works!
Boss: <Doesn't mention that the gem was updated well after I finished the ticket>
Boss: Go fix your specs!

...

Look at that. The very fucking smart colleague spent 40 days implementing a repository pattern (WHEN WE'RE USING AN ACTIVE RECORD ORM), breaking stuff left and right. Does he use that fucking pattern at the very least?

Of course he doesn't. And along the way he's making sure to create conflicts with the stuff he broke (and I'm fixing). By the time I fix the merge conflicts of one commit, he pushed 6 of them.

It's the end times: I've received a JIRA ticket asking me to fix something in JIRA

People on devRant: "it took me 1/2/3 hours to fix that bug, omg, what a time waste!!"

Me: *wrestles some bugs for 1/2/3 DAYS*

I'm confused, how is fixing a bug within hours a ranting material...?

Boss: we can't accept your MR request until you fix the problems we highlighted, everything is blocked and the client is getting angry

My brother in Christ, I understand your concerns but I need you to understand: you decided to block a perfectly working and documented PR because you didn't like having "<!-- -->" in a couple of HTML files and menial bullshit like that.
It may not be the most elegant thing ever but don't put on me the responsibility of your blocks or I'll smash your face with the coffee mugs I've used to work until midnight so that you could deliver the product in time after someone else delayed the deadline twice already.
Thanks and get fucked ASAP.

how often did this happen to you?

- fix a bug
- think, now that i'm here, let's smuggle in some refactoring, just this aspect, won't take too long
- spend more than half a day refactoring, finally finding yourself entangled in a spaghetti nightmare
- stash / shelve and revert all your refactoring changes
- continue on your other tasks and talk to noone about it ._.

Do you ever wonder why EVEN Microsoft uses web technologies to build apps for Windows?

Because the StAte oF tHe aRt piece of shit WINUI 3 (aka Project Reunion aka Windows App SDK aka Microsoft 12th app framework in this decade) can't handle a basic save/open dialog.

An issue has been opened 2 fucking years ago and still no fix. (Other than write 250 lines of c# and c++ to get a fucking dialog)

Fuck this I'm going back to Electron.

corporate emails and what they mean
- “changes to our privacy policy” — we raised capital, time for you to leave! good times are over.
- “changes to our pricing” — we are basically acquired, leave now.
- “blah blah community help blah blah” — fuck you, we can't even be bothered to fix bugs in our product.
- “blah blah 30% off blah blah” — yup, the unsubscribe button was broken last time you clicked it.

Ever dealt with people who don’t understand a damn thing they’re coding and just copy and paste stuff around and say that it works? It’s amazing how long people can skate by with only knowing 50% of how what they’re working on works.

We had some dumb know it all on our team who would regularly ship half-done stuff to production and then scramble to fix it after the users bitched about how it didn’t meet the requirements.

This stupid person changed an else to an if having no idea what any of the logic did in this section of code, didn’t adequately test it, and it somehow made it through code review because the better devs were out of office.

This bullshit goes to production, fucks up 200,000 records, and users start complaining about it. Shitty developer refuses to revert the offending code until multiple people on the team overrule them. They spend the next week unfucking the data and decides to just take a day off on Wednesday because it’s been “too much mental energy to fix.” The shit wasn’t even fully resolved yet.

Some people seriously do not belong in this industry. This person’s thought process was:
“Changing an else to an if can’t possibly have significant consequences. Let’s just change this so my code change executes to see what happens.”

Still not sure how they weren’t fired when this happened. They unfortunately got to quit on their own two months later.

it is really frustrating not to be able to actually maintain and improve the code you're working with. i'd be happy to completely dig in and live in the code and get it all - not so much fucked up - , or, totally spitballing here, do some research on how we could improve the functionality and performance in general (which is not "nice to have", but rather ongoing customer pain points), but I'm not allowed to, because management hates having maintainable code or even an adequate number of devs. it rather has me doing hippity hoppity between different projects to make sure nothing gets my full attention. -.-

the only thing i can do is to clean it up a bit during bug fixes, but even heavy polishing won't fix this giant pile of garbage that is called our code base.

I'm working with some too smart junior. He rarely listens, does his own magic.

In his last MR, he did an ugly fix, 100 lines big. I told him exactly, what to check first, but nope, he's likes being a magician.

Now, I took 5 min and fixed it with single line of code.

This whole corporate numbers game is killing me. I know I'm getting paid to do what I'm asked, I know. But the metrics are so one dimensional

You fixed the data of 20 tests? Doesn't count because you didn't code
You implemented a function to reduce recurrent failures in the future? Doesn't count because those already pass with time consuming workarounds
You spent half a day communicating and coordinating across teams to fix an issue? That's 1 test, this other person changed 1 line in 5 files, you're 4 tests behind

I'm usually nice to people and try to look for the best in them... but this one time one of my colleagues gave me a code to review that, something about trees, can't remember, and the function was hammering the databases with 3 nested cycles, that's when I could no longer just watch. I was kinda mean on him that day, but as a result he did fix the problem and was really happy and I sensed a bit proud of himself as well.

Long story short, I believe he's not a software dev anymore. Kinda shame, I liked the guy, but he seemed enthusiastic of his new job and that is all that really matters in the end

Love the feeling of closing all those open tabs when you finally fix that bug and finish that task.

Issue reporter:
Feed from external service provider is overwriting the wrong things, pls fix

Resolution:
Service provider is sending duplicate unique IDs, you need to get with them to discuss

Service provider response:
This is a *RE-USABLE UNIQUE ID* . . . The bottom line is you should not use this UNIQUE ID as a primary key.

Fuck this completely abysmal CMS!!!!
Not even god damn Einstein would be smart enough to understand this stinky pile of legacy code!
No, it's not enough to write an HTML template in PHP with less than 500 lines of code, noooooo, every god damn template HAS TO BE AT LEAST 3000 FUCKING LINES OF CODE WITH RANDOM INCLUDES EVERYWHERE!!!
Every fucking thing I fix spawns at least 2 new bugs! I FUCKING CAN'T!!!
I swear, if I meet these fucking worms of developers... someone will eat fresh turds mixed with puke from a highway toilet!

I'd rather take a swim in a moist human massgrave than fix any more bugs of this cancer-inducing "selfmade" CMS developped by a "company" that shall not be named.
Sadly I am not aware of any such pit in the neighborhood, thus more bugfixing it is... yay ⚰️

Yeah well fuck right off then. I'm just going to build a bot to auto signup for every possible username combination left in the latin alphabet. Then after the media bullshit dies down they'll be changing this policy.

👺

I wish my classmates didn’t know that I’m good at programming.

Recently, more and more often I am being reached out to by my classmates (and especially by one individual) about the problems they’re having issues with. For example yesterday, a guy fucked up his Git commit and made a bunch of merge conflicts, so I helped him fix this, which then lead to WinForms having multiple declarations of same objects.

And I really don’t wanna be rude, and I always try to help, for the love of god - stop bothering me every 5 minutes while I code, or at 10 PM while I wanna chill out.

Most of the things they have problems with can be solved by 2 minute Googling and I strongly believe that at the university level, you should be able to find solutions for your problems yourself - especially when you’re a programmer.

Nothing is as boring and frustrating as cloning a ripo from GitHub
run it then you get 3, 4 syntax errors
you fix them
then boom a library throws a hug ass exception

at that point I just delete the damn thing

I feel like resigning from a company that i joined 3 weeks back.

I don't like to code in PHP and the manager wants to stick on to that , no new developers joining the company and php is one of the reason. The code is a mess. Every now and then some other team come running for a change like one button to do some shit and then for a fix after 15mins of release.

So many database operations are happening manually. No innovation in the team. Developers are very boring , women being senior developers and team leads brings stability but there is no innovation , excitement or any enthusiasm. All my team members are very happy doing mediocre shit. Manager talks about agile development and they are following that at a level where every half a day some requirement changes.

I m tired of being a developer that fixes the same mediocre shit.

Its too boring.

Client says the styling of a particular component on their website is wrong. It looks fine to me. They can't give me an example of how it should look, or tell me what's wrong with the way it looks currently, but they want me to fix it.

fucking hate how some sites deliberately break their own scroll functionality if you haven't logged in/accepted gdpr nonsense/signed up for a newsletter.

It's such an easy fix (most of them just slap style="overflow:hidden;" to their <html> tag) but I still think it's very loathsome

Got a ticket saying we need our website's record creation wizard to have better validation. No worries, just some regex, right?

Sure, regex for name entry (with the usual white person assumptions about names), and fixing the fact that it's in-page popup doesn't close on save. Or save draft. Or delete.

And also you need to apply the name regex for the fields on this page to all the previous names that the user lists.

And there's that one issue where the address history message always shows no matter what.

Oh and make sure that if they choose to ignore those validation issues then the validation message is in the notes for the record.

And fix the thing where it saves as draft instead of as a normal record.

And and and and and...

Can we just talk about making it 1 problem per ticket? This sort of shit makes me look bad when it takes me a week to fix 1 ticket, when I'm usually a few-a-day kinda person

Today I got a chance to completely unironically say "it's not a bug, it's a feature".

It wasn't anything that would qualify as a bug. It was a new button for a new feature. But it broke automatic tests, so the tester called us and said it's a bug. He even added it to our backlog. Meanwhile our entire team was laughing our asses off. Can't wait to label it as won't fix, with a comment "it's a feature"

Bad dev habit I'm trying to fix?

Code addiction.

I love tools such as IntelliSense or Copilot, don't get me wrong!

But i still have a deep rooted fear that one day, developers will become so dependent on those luxuries, that we will become practically unable to write code on our own, without our cloud overlords blessings.

Until, you know.. the server for such a service will crash and no one will know how to fix it without its own help. *see Palpatine meme reference*

i hate group assignments. why is this guy doing a class in accessibility if he's not gonna pay attention and not gonna make the code accessible? and the audacity to tell us that "we can fix the accessibility stuff afterwards". the accessibility is literally the assignment!!! you're not doing shit!!!

Ticket: We were able to get the site launch, but we lost some functionality on x. Can you fix ASAP?

Not a single url, didn't even know they were going to launch, or where. There must be an achievement for this. 🤡

The developer's conundrum:

Do I fix the issue before a user encounters it...

Or do I wait for a user to contact me and then quickly fix it so they think I am super helpful.

Got to know the power of python in Linux today, when I accidently executed apt-get purge python* in Ubuntu and all the UI of Ubuntu got deleted and even the terminal couldn't run normally.
The good thing is I managed to fix it.

I have to fix a memory leaks of two jest test files of

2 FUCKING THOUSAND

lines of code each.

The End.

My manager has explained in detail to me how to fix the problem I'm having. I know how to fix the problem. I just don't have permission on our servers to change the settings I need to.

Guess who does?

Bad dev habit I am trying to fix: copy-pasting code without understanding

Today another story in this stupid company:
A freelancer created a feature to pay orders online . It took him 3 months (!)
Problem: sometimes people pay, but orders are not stored. Every morning, it takes 1 hour to check in db if the orders are stored, and if not, create them manualy
Yes, orders are created after payment.
Manager wants to fix it by creating the order before the payment, in 3 days (!)
Turns out that the freelancer has written a lot of obsolete code, I now have to clean up. 3 fucking months vs 3 fucking days!
And on top, the shoppingcart was stored in localstorage! (Already fixed by now)
Fuck this, I'm getting another wodka

Habit I'm trying to fix?
Doing it all myself. I've been timeboxing my problems and forcing myself to ask instead of forcing myself to just figure it out myself. Communication isn't my strong point.

WHY DOES GOOGLE CHROME CACHE THIS SHIT AND WON'T LOAD IT AGAIN. I THOUGHT I DIDN'T FIX THE BUG BUT GOOGLE CHROME IS THE BUG. THIS FLYING FUCK

House search has never been as painful as 2021. Not only the websites are shit at stopping agencies from outright lying on their websites, but also they can't even give you a quicker browsing experience. All the click click clicks just to view one fucking option. Duplicate advertises, photos from "a similar apartment", no 3D showing, no blueprints, etc. , and all in all, awful experience all around that nobody cares to fix. 😒

Dev team: This part of the app has a shitty ux. We want to fix it after we finish this feature.
Business: hey guys we think we lack data so we got some users to check our page with shitty ux and see if they think it is shit
User: yeah it’s shit

Great use of resources you chucklefucks

Dear Managers,

Don't just have one person maintaining something forever. Don't ask that one person to also fix an issue in a module just because they merged in that code a few years ago. Don't ask them to fix issues introduced by others. Grant leave when requested especially when there is no formal leave policy and they are sick.

Fuck you.

Holy retarded internet company. The fiber cable that comes from the power pole lost its connection to the building I live in. So the fiber was laying on the ground in the parking lot. The upside is it is still working. The problem is people are going to run over the fiber and break it. So I sent an email to the ISP on Thursday. They didn't create a ticket all day on Friday. By the time I got home they were not open. I called their tech support number and pressed 0 until I got a real person. I explained they need to fix this soon or it will get broken. They said "I understand" and then proceeded to create a ticket for fucking wednesday next week! I told them it will damaged by then. They said "I understand". Then I get a text saying they will do this wednesday. No you stupid fuckers, you do not understand!

Queue the McGuiver music:
I got out some steel wire I use to fix stupid shit like this. I made a hook to connect the steel cable holding the fiber. This hook will go around some exposed electrical conduit. Then I got a board to lift it up high (no ladder and 5 inches thick of ice on ground). I cannot balance wire hook on board and get it to slip down. So I got a steel pole I have and attached another hook with electrical tape. As I passed the hook over the conduit I used other pole to grab bottom of hook and pull it down to keep a hold of the conduit. Now the fiber is up in the air again above the parking lot. I hope this stupid hack works until wednesday. My right arm hurts like hell cause the strain of holding the fiber taut while I pulled the hook down. It strained my right hand.

Worst customer service on the planet with Century Stink. They fucking make it harder than hell to get help and it seems they take almost a week to fix shit.

PM: I’m not asking what you were doing, I’m asking what was done
me: losers are asking, champions go and do it. This is what I did. The only thing I hear from you is questions. Meanwhile leaders are always a part of the answer. With that loser mentality, you’re never gonna be an MVP.

I’m a neural network powered parrot with a supercar brain. No matter the business guru speak BS you throw my way, I’m gonna wipe the floor with you in your own game. You have no chance. You’re that mediocre type of person who buys a rolex, the same one Gary V has, with the hope it would fix your self-confidence. The only thing I see in your eyes is your shattered ego.

Yesterday, I was looking back at a project that isn't a focus right now, and unintentionally realised the cause of a frustrating bug. It's a one line fix and the smallest PR I've ever done, and it was such a good feeling!

Last sprint is a mess.

Working on three products that are related one with another a little bit.

1. Bug reports are coming in;
2. We fix it and give for QA to test;
3. QA starts testing and it doesn’t work;
4. Because another team updated something in product A and product B depends on it.

Repeat for straight 14 days

Golang code review be like

> oh no, you used prohibited `else` keyword

Context? Dosent matter. Its banned, mkay?

Fix? Oh you know its hell to read now

PM: How long will it take to fix this bug? Needs to be done by friday.
Me: I can do a hotfix in some hour, a more permanent solution will take at least 3-4 hours.
PM: Alright, I’ll schedule you for 1 hour.
Me: alright, sounds good.

*makes a hotfix*

Me: the hotfix is done now, just tell me when you want me to do the permanent solution.
PM: what?! Thought I you could manage the permanent fix in the time I booked.

???????

Ok so we have 2 useless remote contractors in our team who got hired as seniors but actually are juniors. They take weeks to deliver most basic things and never ask for help or offer help for others. They take days to fix most basic comments after review.

Today our teamlead in a call said that it's a cultural difference, these guys dont ask for help because they are very independent.

MOTHERFUCKER, I WOULD BET MY SALARY THAT THESE IDIOTS DONT WORK EVEN 10 HOURS A WEEK.

I was doing more than them when I was a mere junior.

Very senior colleague: *hits a problem that is a minor inconvenience*
VSC: "I have to restart this task, the two weeks I put into it must be deleted!"
Me: "You forgot to do *this* here, add this 1 line and it's ok."
VSC: *An hour of rumbling about the codebase*
VSC: *adds my fix*
VSC: "Ok, it works now, you can review again"
Me: *cries inside*

Wrote a small fix to some css and asked the production guy to pull it...

Prod: pull what?
Me: the prod branch.
Prod: from where?
Me: the only git server we have.
Prod: Oh yea let me go and download the zip, give me like 5 minutes I need to open chrome.
Me: (smh)

He's been unpacking copies of the prod branch by hand for months

Am I the only one the sometimes just makes a PR that won't fix the issue but at least shuts everybody up so I can investigate in peace.

Sometimes it takes too long to fix it :(

1. Fix climate change and the environment in general
2. End corporate coercion and social inequality
3. Cure all mental illnesses

Is that too much to ask for?

Huh? GitHub just added an empty column to my project with an empty item I can't remove, reloading doesn't fix it.

( ་ − ་ ) 'You can't see this item'

If your “solution” fixes the test case which is failing, it does NOT guarantee that it is the correct fix. You don’t just blindly change whatever piece of code you like to make just the test case pass. You actually also need to analyse the code and ensure that the rest of the intended functionality is still intact.

I think managers should at least know what is CSS and what is not. But NOOOOOOO.

I'm a fullstack engineer, this period there is literally nothing to do, we are a 1000+ employees company.
I got so bored I toke over the database of our production server two times in a week, exploiting dumb vulnerabilities I discovered out of boredom, of course I reported everything.

The funny thing is that they just don't care, no one took action or is willing to fix it and they actually insulted me because I set a query in sleep for 8 minutes exploiting one of the vulnerabilities.

I work for a great company that hosts (in this very server) most italian citizens informations C: free to take for everyone c:

Ever want to fix something but everytime you do someone else fucks it up ?

Me: *changes a long and complex calculation to fix old mistakes*

Program: *keeps outputting the same wrong result*

Me: *goes mad for a good hour trying to discover the problem by debugging it like a angry rat*

Also me after one hour of debugging: *discovers he never changed the output source of the function and it's still outputting the old result*

Sometimes I get bored and fix people's shitty code on stack overflow for fun

It's actually entertaining...

But as infuriating as you'd imagine

Has someone an idea why KDE Neon has this buggy text rendering and how to fix it? Google is not my friend with this problem.. It's often the text which is buggy but sometimes everything else is buggy too..

Intern - adds commit message like "added two files"

Me - Hey Intern, I've added commit lint, please don't disable precommit hooks.. so let's follow standard commit message format

Intern - commits like "feat(app): fix changes"

*later*

Me - Hey Intern, please commit with short meaningful messages like what actual changes were made

Intern - commits like feat(app): whole long story of what he couldn't do and some changes..

Me - 🤦

Client: I need you to fix my website
Me: Okay, can you send me your existing website files for me to fix.
Client: here is the screenshot
Me: -_-

In my current team, when someone else's code breaks, I fix it. When my code breaks, I also fix it. I feel like there's something wrong here...

One of my coworker change the code from

```
void foo() {
if (condition)
{
}
else
{
}
}
```

to

```
condition ? ifTrue : ifFalse;
```

and add it to changelog

```
- fix bugs // yes with an "s"
- feature added
- some list of the bug fixed.
```

I refer back to the commit, only one Fucking commit and on changes. Bro, what the fuck?

Them: let's do iterative pull requests
Me: Great, can I have a review
Them: Your code touches a code that doesn't feel right, I can not approve this folly unless you fix following 30.000 lines:

Not really trying to, but probably should try to fix this bad, bad habit…

I keep wanting to fix and improve everything - and I keep taking notes, writing action plans et fucking cetera to the point the amount of work that should be done and I want to do is driving me insane. And they should all get done now!

In short, I should really either learn to focus on just one thing at a time for a meaningful period - or just cease to give a fuck. Either could work.

Every time I talk about a bug/error in my code with my colleague, I end up coming up with the fix myself while explaining it. I accidentally use him as my rubber duck...

Had a bad dream one night that my bosses were going to run me through the ringer on some stuff that I needed to do better.

A day later, exactly that happened.

It would’ve been nice if my premonition could have had a few days gap between dream and reality so I’d have had some time to fix things first.

The moment you find a fix for something after days but you don't understand how it fixes at all.

Was on call last night. I get a phone call at 3 am that all of our clients projects (including one that was launching at 5 am) was missing libraries (thus causing the sites to not work). I was able to fix all of the errors but one (missing jQuery). Couldn’t figure out how to fix for the life of me. Had to call my boss and wake her up because I forgot I could just download it from the site. Feeling like a failure for something so small.

**Attention @johnmelodyme and all AltRant testers**

I just pushed a quick bugfix update to AltRant, in the hope that it will fix the crashes that were reported. I felt like the app's dodgy situation wasn't up to my standard of quality so I worked as fast as I could to fix the issues, as people are actually starting to prefer my app over the original. Please make sure to perform a full reinstall of the app before continuing, because I actually wasn't experiencing the issues described in my initial testing before releasing the update that needed fixing.

I found a loophole to get free courses on a popular tutor’s website. He has millions of views and more than a 100,000 students. I feel great knowing I now have free unlimited access to free courses. Hopefully they don’t realize and fix the bug.

Probably everyone at least once had situation when they receive a meaningless screenshot with 500 page, a message "Application doesn't work fix it" and 0 info whatsoever.
Here is my tip that saved me a lot of trouble.
I display error id in the center of the screen, large enough so no matter how small and blurry the image is (yes users, send us photos of theirs displays) , It is always easy to ready it so we can start investigation without talking to those monkeys.

Software runs fine on several in-house instances. First time customers hosting it themselves. Runs fine. Users start using. Server need absurdly high processing power and fucks up. I can not access customers Server to debug. Only hope, get copy of their images to reproduce their setup. And have *** one single fucking hour *** to go into it before having to tell in emergency meeting if we can fix it or they would blew the project.

I didn't expect, but found the cause, a single very badly written query. Written by myself years ago I have to admit.
They also gave me one hour to produce a patch. I did but but lost so many hair.

wish can do coding in fix hours :(

Learning react .. just took one cup of tea in morning.. and dang its 8pm :( No idea about the time.. react giving me hard time. maybe am newbie ..

Hope so I learn this Single Page application

Manager encounters problem, hacks a load of stuff together to "get around" the problem. Asks me to fix the issue. I spend a week tidying up what he'd hacked together, then change it so I encounter the problem.

A morning of probing later, the problem?

One of our servers is running 2 firewalls, so we were having network connection issues on just that server.

Personal mini-project from a million years ago which I practically don't maintain anymore, broke. External APIs are being bitches.
Made a fix, but I'm too lazy to push. (I don't think anyone else is using it tbh)
Huehuehue.

Today was a bad dev day working on a shitty React project. Not that React in itself is bad, but it can be hell to work with when the code is a big pile a crap full of anti pattern code. I spent the day refactoring to try to fix a bug, but to no avail. It would take days if not weeks to put some order in this mess and to prevent such bugs.

It's always fucking file encodings breaking these stupid fucking legacy projects. FUCK

Fuck this I'm going to bed. I'll fix it in the morning it's a little past midnight

f it ain't broke, don't fix it!
I feared my Android phone's touchscreen suffered severe damage from using it in the rain, until I discovered that the 3-button navigation stopped working after an Android 12 security update (both in Nova launcher as well as in official Google Pixel launcher). Wasted time drying the unplugged phone and googling for repair options before finally wasting more time changing system settings back and forth, rebooting, changing system settings, rebooting, etc.
Remember those happy times before mobile phones have been invented, which of course I don't really want back either. I just want developers to stop breaking features that used to work. Regression testing outside the happy path, anyone? I mean, it's not a hacked maker project, it's a commercial phone that I bought and intend to use with the latest official software. Don't want to think about the next breaking changes that Android 13 might bring.

Life begins when you bring down production and don’t know how to fix it

Just my opinion, but a software dev job shouldn't be stressful for 9+ months of a year.

I understand sometimes the company wants to launch a product on a deadline, so people have to do extra time at work.

Or an urgent bug fix is needed on the system which requires someone to put in overtime.

But a stressful job for all 12 months of a year is just not worth it, whatever the salary may be.

What do you think?

How come Rust is the most loved programming language? I wanted to give rust a try in my windows machine and when I run `cargo run` or `cargo build` is shows: linker `link.exe` not found
Okay, how to fix it?
you need to download 8GB+ of bullshitty visual studio C++ build tools just to run a simple rust programs! WTF!

Previously when I installed rust, it didn't need all these bullcrap. why now?

I don't know what's wrong with me..

Within one day I basically lost interest in everything I do. I just don't see the point of all this anymore.

And the bad thing is, that I don't even know where that comes from so suddenly, everything is going fine, but still.. Life just feels like pain at the moment.

Don't want do drag down someone else with me and I sincerely apologise if it's too late to mention it at this point, just hope that maybe someone here can understand what's going on or give me some advice on how to fix my situation.

Today I wrote a python messenger bot which listens to only one command;
get ip
It then replies with its public IP address. I figured this would be the easiest hotfix until I fix my dynamic DNS client.

Now thinking of it I could also make an "update domain" command for doing the API call, and then link the two with a loop and minute delay. Marvelous.

The company I work for now has so much tech debt. When I find an issue, I can’t necessarily fix it right away because I have other priorities. If something isn’t a site-breaking issue, then I only fix it when a user or staff member reports it.

The website is a mess because it was built and maintained by an outside dev agency. It was so expensive to outsource that my employer decided to bring development in-house.

That’s where I came in. I found so many issues. Tech debt. UX weirdness. Newish features that no one seemed to use. It goes on.

So I’m balancing new feature development, fixing bugs, and trying to lessen our tech debt. I’m a team of one.

I was finally able to fix this other persons code when I accepted the fact that they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing

Why am I always oiling hinges on doors..

Can't they make a hinge that doesn't need that !

And why are folk always painting over hinges !

Next up, why are my cold water pipes growing mould.. ( I think due to lack of insulation, right ? )

And my toilet fix is still working ! ( Dremel washer thinner, since they stopped making thinner ones.. )

Not a fan of modern toilet design..

You know they test them with artificial poo !

That's not a real test !

Man all I ever do is fix bugs in a giant overgrown calculator, that has references to code before I was even born. It might be new job time

Idk why but it feels like lately i've such a pessimist approach to any new-tech (barring languages)
Any new framework or wrapper or CI/CD handler and without even seeing beyond description my instinct goes "fuccccccccck this, I hate it, it'll break things"

I wonder if theres a way to fix this mindset T__T or am I just getting old idkkk

Why they are keep assigning tasks (new features as minor fix) till release date. And want me to complete it a week before release date.
HOW?

A wild merge request appears. These are your options:

A. Spend 3 days of back and forth
B. Accept MR and fix it yourself later

Others here hates how DevOps pushed parts of operations workload on Devs? Just this afternoon I have to fix a CI issue and then find a way to connect a microservice I built to production MongoDB; I'd be okay with that (I love to thinker with servers) if not for the fact which I have to do it trough leaky and badly documented abstractions put up by the customer. I was having a nice productivity streak but when I have to do this kind of shit the motivation quickly plummets.

we're doing a massive database migration and trying to fix a lot of shit that was done for years in the db. problem is, i have to cater to a business major asshat that doesn't know the first thing about working with data and he's responsible for 99% of the shit we're trying to clean up.

his response to the problem i brought up in his stuff? "we can deal with it later, right now i need it like this". this is why you guys have a shit database, because we have to spoil this idiot. then they complain everything takes forever to run and the database is bloated and somehow it is our fault.

I'm really holding myself right now, because i already went off on him once and he basically called me hysterical, and our boss likes him too much to antagonize the bastard. but god i wish i could run over him

Client breaks website and i’m the one trying to fix things. For two unplanned hours i’ve been trying to help and instead of a thank you i get a thanks for nothing message. I’m not responding to this client next time. Fuckn bitch

Second week sick I see how my life slowed down and how meaningless everything around is, everyone is rushing about some bullshit, name it new amazing job opportunity, black Friday great deal, super duper product idea or some most important bug on production that we need to fix asap.

All that can’t wait a week when I’m healthy?
Seriously, people lost their minds in today’s world to some bullshit.

I’m to old and to depressed to care about such idiotic things. Living my life as I want and on my own peace, don’t care everyone is running, I’m slowly walking and I like it.

It’s better to walk straight than run around like an idiot.

I think it makes more sense to divert IT budget to building a time machine.

It would be cheaper than trying to fix all these problems, and just as effective.

I went down a rabbit hole of code changes to try and delete a stupid for loop with a break in it.

It was super stupid and I gave up and submitted to the fact that some battles are not worth the time and stress.

OK... But seriously, It was returning multiple entities from the database, but we only always want the first one. My logic is that we should just go in there and fix the LINQ so we are explicitly getting one entity out.

But fuck that logic. No I'll have to change fucking everything that's tied to that method and expects a list from it. Every fucking thing. That includes error handling, parsing, for loops..... Nevermind...

You can have your foreach and your break. I'm taking mine, now.

Can someone brag about using Arch when he spends more time using a live Ubuntu system to fix his Arch installation than actually using Arch?
Asking for a friend.

manager: fix and prevent this bug that we can't reproduce and we don't have any logs for

do you guys also dream about code or is that just my brain? i swear to god, if i see something awful at work i dream of a way to fix it

Worst dev experience of the year:
So, I went to my folks' for the holidays. My old man is a hospital practitian and is still resentful because I did not want to be a doctor too.

So he made me fix the whole fucking wiring at his place over this last couple days, because "well, you choose to be a glorified electrician!"

BTW, I have three kids and am still WFH during this time. I haven't slept in a week.

I will keep this short. I fucking hate Windows 11. There is nothing I like about it after over four weeks of having its fuckery drip down everything I do on my laptop like radioactive maple syrup. None of my apps from Windows 10 work. I google troubleshooting and I'm not going to go through 10 hacks to solve a problem created by Microsoft. The screen moves all over the place for no reason. I hate it. Not as much as I hated Mac, but I'm going to revert back to Windows 10 if I can. I don't wish to separate my laptop screen from my laptop keyboard again. The only person I know who can fix it tried to steal a hundred and twenty bucks from me. Thank you for reading this rant I'm living a charmed life otherwise, but snipping tool just fucked up and I'm fucking fed up. Peace out.

Always want to try Linux as main OS, but troubles with audio stopped me. Have heard about new shiny pipewire, that solves all the linux audio mess.

It's pretty easy to setup, but audio with pipewire has crackled sometimes when recording. Spent half a day to fix it by following random guides and docs...

Now uninstall pipe and install jack. Just works fine: select device, change sample rate and you are ready without any fuckinf annoying crackles and tinkering with a lot of config options

First "computer" : Electronika BK. Had some fun with table software and some basic

first X86 : Intel 80286 with wooping 1MB of ram and 40 MB hard drive.

First fun experiance :

Me : "I'm gonna clean folders"
Me : "What are these files on the c: ? I'll move them into a folder"
(Youknow like io.sys, autoexec.bat)
Reboots :
Computer : "Please insert a boot drive"
Me : "The what now?"
Needed some help to fix it.
At least I learnt how boot loader works and wrote my own small thingy in asm

If it ain't broke, don't fix it

boss: someone fix these it's not working *3 problems highlighted on screenshot*

problem 1: something went wrong when updating the data, i fixed it in a minute
problem 2: not our problem, send an email
problem 3: wait isn't this the task *boss* handles?

Listen dude I get it, you've been in more of a Systems Admin role for a long time, you haven't really worked on a devlike team.

I can be patient I can be understanding. But when you break the build you need to fix it.

Yes I know you didn't change any of the files that are now failing, but you the pipeline is no longer deploying and so we can't fix anything.

Okay dude we are being prevented from deploying because you broke the build, you need to fix it. It's stopping everyone else.

DUDE FIX THE FLIPPING BUILD EVERYONE IS WAITING FOR YOU TO FIX THAT!

Seriously I know we should be patient with people learning new things, but some days it is difficult.

I just remembered I have a list of funny things I want to put in a tech movie. Just thought of new one today:

Programmer trying to do IT work and cannot locate the person they are trying to help:
I have a specialized set up skills. I will find you, and I will fix your printer.

The character would be a programmer and have a PHD. Printer Help Desk certificate.

Today one of our pipelines broke. I identified the problem as insufficient resources for the task, made the fix and now everything is back to working properly. I was praised by the stakeholder for my super quick response.

Well, what can I say… I only had to revert my PR that broke the previously working config 🤭

Hear me out. Ive been trying to fix this flutter bug for... I lost the count of how many days or weeks it was, maybe even months. I now got to the point of having borderline mental breakdown. I am crying because i cant solve this bug and there is no one to help me. I am on my own. All by myself. And im crying.

It's a Monday, I've been trying to fix a bug since the morning, I cannot read or write any code. I tried to review a PR, still cannot read the code. Getting frustrated by the slightest problem.

Meetings entire day. Management/PMs fucked things up and forgot an ENTIRE system. They just spend A YEAR for the requirements. A YEAR!!! Just unbelievable. Guess who has to shoot from the hip just fucking guessing things to fix it before everything should be in production? So sad. I just have to quit this incompetence. Just…incompetence. I know it is complex but to forget an entire eco-system of applications is just beyond idiotic. One whole year and God almighty know how many workshops and business travel expenses. I am fucking distancing myself from this organization. I have no hope. No hope.

Today I‘ve been investigating a freeze in our app. It took me many hours to narrow it down to the textfield validation regex. And it turned out to be a "catastrophic backtracking" issue.
I‘m a regex noob so I don‘t have a clue how it occurs exactly. But I‘m a bit perplexed about what a seemingly innocent regex can cause.

For me it became another argument against regex now.
I‘ve rewritten the regex into readable code and the freeze is gone.

I could try to fix the regex but… nah. The code is better anyway.

A large pool of application instances' is writing logs to the same physical file. No way to distinguish which instance wrote which line.

Welcome to hell

We're being asked questions. We're replying that we cannot help unless logging is fixed. Noone's bothering to fix this mess and instead returns tickets with requests to investigate more.

F.U.N
/s

New AltRant update!

This update features a fix for instability issues in the Notifications tab. All users that are in the testing group - please update soon! I am giving you a 3-day update window.

App is back! Woooo!

Guy wrote a whole ass thread explaining how to fix it and its not a big issue but the manchild elon musk's ego couldn't handle being wrong so he fired him

Just finished a defect fix, and turns out there's another unrelated but harder bug in the codebase. We are in the last few days of the release.

I told my tech leads that it was an unrelated problem and showed them in detail. I told them I was starting work on it now, but there should probably be a new defect entered for it.

They actually said for me to piggyback the old defect and let this go under the radar. Actually laughed it off like it was no big deal. Like WTF! I don't think its very unreasonable for devs to want separate defects for separate bugs. They're worried about analytics and shit, but I'm the one left holding the rug, looking like I spent a week on a trivial defect.

I finally get Agile!: Go Live, whatever happens - happens, fix and repeat. See…I kept getting hung up on delivering something that that actually worked.

I often dream that I discovered a rare edge case in reality that can lead to a crash if corrupted people create any object together. Corrupted state is infectious but due to caching and lazy copying strategies you mainly spread it to previous owners of items you infect. Also I can't edit the code to fix the issue because I'd have to recompile and our world is an in-memory artifact of the current execution.