"I was wondering why Monitors sleep and Keyboards don't.

Then it occurred to me that Keyboards have two SHIFTS. 😆😆" -some guy

Client : pls put the disclaimer that the site uses cookies.
Me: but we don't use cookies this is a static page
Client: Still, the pop up makes the site look more professional, kindly add the feature asap
Me: :/

Haha am Eager to see this.

New Dutch (or european?) law requiring https for any website with a contact form or higher is going into effect very soon. Were contacting customers so they can still be on time with this, this is how most convo's go:

Collegue: *explains*
Client: Im sure my security is good enough...
Collegue: i'd really recommend it, we've got free options as well!
Client: its just a secure connection, whats the big deal...
Collegue: *more arguments*
Client: I just don't see the point, security.... well.... does it really matter that much...
Collegue: Google might place you lower in the search results if you don't get a secure connection.

Client: 😶😥😵 uhm so what were the https options again? 😅

I hope they all die a painful death 😠

Looking for a job as a deveoper be like:

Job title: car driver

Job requirements: professional skills in driving normal- and heavy-freight cars, buses and trucks, trolley buses, trams, subways, tractors, shovel diggers, contemporary light and heavy tanks currently in use by NATO countries.

Skills in rally and extreme driving are obligatory!
Formula-1 driving experience is a plus.

Knowledge and experience in repairing of piston and rotor/Wankel engines, automatic and manual transmissions, ignition systems, board computer, ABS, ABD, GPS and car-audio systems by world-known manufacturers - obligatory!

Experience with car-painting and tinsmith tasks is a plus.

The applicants must have certificates by BMW, General Motors and Bosch, but not older than two years.

Compensation: $15-$20/hour, depends on the interview result.

Education requirements: Bachelor's Degree of Engineering.

Fucking fuck fuck fucker fucking fuck

What a dumbass guy seriously. I have this colleague in my office who refuses to create a new branch because that will "ruin the single straight line". Are you seriously fucking kidding me??? The noobest guy ever doesnt know a third git command other than pulling and committing fucking nonsense. Why use git then? Just go back to creating zip files are maintain code. Fuck that guy too who hired him and now because of this fucking asshole I am not able to carry on my work.

Such so-called "developers" should be strapped to the back of a horse and the horse made to run on a gravel road for fuck's sake.. Fuck you man 🖕

Just found nice coffee heater on my desk

Coming home after school , just to relax and play pinball on the PC ...windows 98 ..good times ..the quest of being Fleet admiral and avoiding the "Tilt"

When you reuse code...

F*ckin managers...

When such people exist 🤷‍♂️ Wish I can undo what I saw 🙈 My day is already ruined 🤦‍♂️

Lol😂😂😂

Nerds build robots to steal jobs from their former bullies.

How can I help you?
"my email isn't working"
What web browser do you use?
"Yahoo"
Err, okay, what's your email address and password?
"I don't have a password."

Someone tell me how to exit this xD

When non devs tell you how long a project will take 🙃

Found this gem on Twitter

Got RAM 🐑?

I'm not a designer but...

That weak moment when I googled “how to invert a boolean”

4+ years of programming.

Still have no clue how to make my own regex pattern.

Every single time I need to, I always open 4 cheat sheets and/or stackoverflow.

Every time I have to Google a method/function, that I know I have already looked up and used a million times previously.

"Professor, my if loop isn't working!"
IF LOOP!?!?!?!! 😫🔫

The old logo makes sense now.

This job posting proves they're in desperate need of graphics designer..

the result was unexpected

Decided to go hardcore Vim in 2018.

Me: *puts small piece of tape over webcam*

NSA: Okay guys, shut it all down. No way we can record from the microphone, log keys, access the file system, USB devices, network data or watch the screen. He did the tape.

This guy has hacked everything.

Guy called in because he wanted to get an IP white listed on a server. He wasn't authorized so i told him to send an email from an authorized email address.

He didn't like that very much and asked if another engineer was available (he talked to him more often so he thought that engineer would just do it. We need those kind of requests by email.)

Walked over to my colleague and explained what that client asked for.
'let him send an email!'

Told him i ready told the client that but that the client wanted to talk to him instead.

'sure, connect him through and then come back so you can hear him after i ask him to mail us!'

Connected him through. Client explained the situation.

Then he says with the sweetest voice and a 'get rekt' face: 'could you send me an email about that? 😊'

Let's just say that the client sounded everything but happy xD