Under settings, we made a checkbox labeled “Run Program Faster”. The state was saved but it didn’t do anything.

We turned it “on” when people said things were slow. Usually they were happy and no one complained the “run faster” option wasn’t working.

My first project and the reason I learnt to code. I was a manager at a supermarket and wanted a discount card for the old people so just wouldnt have to walk to the tills.

First I wrote hello world, then a calculator and then a loyalty card system for my store. It was wildly successful and the fact my scrap code even ran is a miracle. Shortly after launching it in my store I met a like minded investor with an actual dev team hooked it up to a web service and I spent the next 3 years rolling it out nationally to 480 stores. It's still running today.

So, my wife sends me this picture because our car had 111,111 miles on it. Of course she called me a nerd when I told her, "That is awesome because if you ignore the .3 on the trip odometer it is 63 and that in binary is 111111"

So we are in computer lab with some bitch ass c++ program on the board,,its approx. 150 sloc with lot of if's and else's...halfway into the session my friend rolls on his chair comes to my system asking for help, i say sure dude why not.
So we both roll to his system and that bastard has 0 indentation,a set of brackets for every if else even for non-compound statements with every bracket in a line of its own.......
With great difficulty of restraining myself from punching him in the face,,,i politely ask him"Have you ever coded in python"
He says no
I say "that was a rhetorical question"

Everyone around us bursts into laughter and that poor lad still has no idea what just happened

Python should be made compulsory for fags like these,, they'll know the meaning of indentation only then

You will never exit this fitness club. 😜

I'm pretty sure Shakespeare didn't say that.

~$ alias fucking=sudo

Now I can tell my computer to fucking do shit.

I found this on Facebook

umount /dev/2016 /year
mount /dev/2017 /year

I think that since most of my work involves typing, my handwriting has gotten really bad. It looks like a bunch of worms...

🎶 He's making a list
He's testing it twice
SELECT * FROM users WHERE behavior="nice"
SQL-clause is coming
To town. 🎶

Wife: You never listen to me!
Me: Have you tried port 8080?

Anyone remember when PHP was a straightforward procedural language and not a pseudo-objective mess?

#saturdaynostalgia

I feel old when I say that my first website was on Geocities.

Lotus notes (or IBM Notes, as it is now called).

It is so efficient at frustrating you that when it hangs that it often requires its own dedicated task killer (killnotes) instead of Windows Task Manager.

"Whenever I see a door that says push I pull first to prevent conflicts"

Why oh why do companies scrimp on hardware and tools for devs. It's a constant battle to even use my machine let alone make progress. I cost 1k a day a decent machine 2k maximum. I have spent the last two days fighting hardware issues.

When I accidentally double tap on someone's rant.

You know things just got serious when you reach for pen and paper.

git pull --your-shit-together

Everyone is going to Halloween parties this weekend and I'm going to a Hack-a-thon. I think I I'm the real winner here.

Error: Missing argument exception.

hope this isnt a repeat. have a great weekend guys!!!!!

Goes to sleep.

Wakes up.

"OMFG WHY WAS I SO STUPID!?"

*has code epiphany*

Just reduced 900 lines of horrible code into 106 lines of less horrible code..

QA: do those 106loc really do what the 900loc did ?
Me: yes
QA: really?
Me: yes
QA: are you sure?
Me: NO. I was lying. Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't. Maybe you should run it and find out.
QA: *immediately releases for prod*

Like many others my favourote shameless hack is a cronjob to restart our app server at 2am, thus preventing out of memory exceptions

Debian is installing itself in Florida

when eslint has had enough of your shit

*opening cmd*
"wow, are you Hacking?"
me: "yah, sure. See that lamp? I can hack that."
"really?"
me: "sure".
*lamp flickers"
me: "I did that" 😂

Programmer was smoking...

lady nearby: "can't you see the warning smoking is injurious to your life!"

Programmer: "we are not worried about warnings only about Errors"