My non-tech friend was looking into a degrees guidelines for N.C. State University and they recommend C++... she thought C++ was the grade she needed to average to get that degree. 😂

Watched so many tutorials recently, my inner English voice started having an Indian accent!

When your API gives a successful response after 30 hours.
Pure bliss😇

Shouldn't a friend class be called a friends-with-benefits class, since it can touch their private members? 🤔🤔🤔

Roses are red,
violets are blue;
If I were a query,
I'd SELECT * FROM you;

At my company we need to change our passwords every month and every month I add a an extra exclamation mark at the end of my password. Now after 5 years there is an unbearable amount of exclamation marks so I tried to change my my password to 'beefstew'.

Apparently it wasn't stroganoff.

Being a Programmer:

My mom said:
"Honey, please go to the market and buy 1 bottle of milk. If they have eggs, bring 6"

I came back with 6 bottles of milk.

She said: "Why the hell did you buy 6 bottles of milk?"

BECAUSE THEY HAD EGGS!!!!

React-Native documentation, are they serious?

Programming in a nutshell

!rant

I just figured out you can double tap rants to give them a ++.

When a MacBook user says..."Unlike Windows, Macs don't get infected plus they're faster than Windows anyway". And I'm all like..

This is Epic...

Lies.

Am I the only one who has this?

Shit just got real.

tfw I hit 10 +1s and can create my avatar

This code looks pretty old, I wonder if I can delete th.... what the...
(src: twitter/@iammerrick)

My GF just selected all files on her harddrive and clicked "Open".

The look at her face when she figured out what she have done.

BONUS: She restarts her computer, and upon start she selects Yes to the "Your computer shutdown unexpected, would you like to re-open the applications" popup 😂

I wish that's how they thought SQL joins in High school

My biggest fear is being drunk on Amazon

Manager: The site I loading too slow. How can we improve this?

Me: *f5 & look at the network log* the server is taking too long to respond some image requests. We could encode them into the Html to have them all delivered in a single request.

Manager: GTMetrix says we need to compress the images.

Me: *reads GTMetrix report* we would only have a 150kb improvement. It won't even be noticeable.

Manager: If the images take a long time to load, it means that they're too big, right?

Me: or the server is taking a long time to respond our request for them, which is the case.

Manager: compress the images and upload them.

Me: *compresses the images and uploads them* done.

Manager: I don't see any improvement.

Me: if only there was someone who could have predicted such an outcome...

I hate it when my friends think they're hackers just because they were able to jailbreak their phones.

"A software Engineer? Why don't you do a real job instead of fixing people's computers?"

- ex gf 2011

"I'm proud you do something you love"

- wife 2016

She runs C shells by the seashore.

Who wants one?

The programmer who killed people: Not so talented programmer named John, made a mistake in his code. because of this mistake the program users spent 15 minutes to do a workaround. this program had 10 million users. In general the users spent 150 million minutes because of john's mistake, which is 2.5 million hours. if a person sleeps about 8 hours a day, he have 16 active hours. which means john wasted 156,250 human days that equals to 427.8 human years. people leave approx. until the age of 64, that means John just killed 6.68 people because of his bug. So john, how do you sleep at night?

When you fuck up your repo so bad it transforms into guitar hero

"Well done son. Now you can be our tech support for life"