That moment when you tell the head of IT that he 'bought' licenses for a deprecated version of an open source engine for 300K 🤣

The company I worked for had to do deletion runs of customer data (files and database records) every year, mainly for legal reasons. Two months before the next run they found out that the next year would bring multiple times the amount of objects, because a decade ago they had introduced a new solution whose data would be eligible for deletion for the first time.

The existing process was not be able to cope with those amounts of objects and froze to death gobbling up every bit of ram on the testing system. So my task was to rewrite the exising code, optimize api calls and somehow I ended up in multithreading the whole process. It worked and is most probably still in production today. 💨

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Built a Speedreading Homebrew for PlayStation Portable back in the days... People in the metro were even asking me about it and wanted to get the 'app'.

Has anyone seen a good use case for robotic process automation (RPA)? Seems to me like a new buzzword for 90's screen scraping technologies?!

Managers here talking about 'Apple versus Android'. I'm tempted to ask them about 'Samsung versus iOS' 😁🤣

Today my IT colleague asked another one what a font is 🤣 to his defence he is still a student 👍

Replacing a legacy .Net monolith with a .Net monolith Rest API 🤦‍♂️

👩‍💻 What do we need?
👨🏻‍💼 Digitalisation!
👩‍💻 When do we need it?
👨🏻‍💼 Yesterday!
👩‍💻 And what is our company's Content / BPM strategy?
👨🏻‍💼 ?!

That moment when you open up a huge Excel and immediately see that column that is one pixel higher than the others. 🧐

New job, so much work to do, but I got my first paycheck today 😁

Last day at the old workplace done ✔️

Now there's 5 weeks of freedom ahead before the new job begins. I can only advise all of you to go for one month of me-time the next time you change your job 😁

A customer once wanted buttons that would close the mask in an interface where the only way to close the mask was to click a default "OK" button. 🤔

So in the end we implemented a script on the customer's buttons that would send a calculated number of multiple keypresses of tab, tab, tab and finally enter on the default button. 🤑

It is still running in production and I will never ever touch it again! 😁

3 days of presales presentations to potential customers on my last days of work... 🤣

Any suggestions for my last day at work? 🤷‍♂️

Biggest security issue you ever found or fixed?

Biggest innovation in your sector in the last 2-3 years?

Yo guys, all the ranting aside, I just wanted to remind you that you ALWAYS have a choice, that you should speak up when something bothers you for too long and that you should be aware about all your strengths and unique skills! Just as a reminder ✌️

Fuck that unqualified asshole of IT guy at the customer. He has no idea what he's talking about, constantly sets focus to unspecific bullshit and just wastes my time and energy. How do you deal with shit like that?!

I spend a night in the woods from time to time. 🏕️ It really gets you grounded and helps to take a step back on all those dev / work related issues.

Those days when you have to sit behind the new guy at the customer and let him code. And explain every single thing to him 🤦‍♂️. And all you want is to grab the keyboard and start coding on your own 👨‍💻.

Is fucking Tumblr expecting me to untick fucking all of these?! (And this is only 1/10th of the page)

Don't forget that today is towel day! So grab one 🧣 and rock this mostly harmless place 📖

Angry customer (😤): Your software is still too slow!!!
Me (🙄): It's running good all in all. Let's divide this into smaller aspects. Which steps do you need to perform faster?
😤: Every step needs to be as fast as google!
🙄: But our software ain't google, not even to mention your infrastructure
😤: Everything needs to run in 2 seconds!!!
🙄: You aren't helping in any way. We need something to grasp...
😤: It's all your fault.

📴

I inserted a unicode 'reverse text' character into the registration form of our energy provider and see what we got today 😁🤣

Today is a good day 🤩

Always fun to name your computer '-' so that e.g. ping thinks a commandline parameter is missing 🖥️🔫

Tell me more... 🤔

So today a customer decided to call the throughput he specified a bug because it isn't fast enough. 🤦‍♂️

Customer: Does your program do everything I specified in that mail from 2 months ago?
(btw the mail was 5 sentences...)
Me: Yes.
Customer: And does it do xyz?
Me: No, but to be fair, you did not specify that!
Customer: But that's what I've got you for! You should have known that!

🤦🏻‍♂️