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buzzword translations:
"cloud" -> someones computer
"big data" -> lots of somewhat irrelevant data
"ai" -> if if if if if if if if if if if if if else
"algorithm" -> something that works but you don't know why
"secure" -> https://
"cyber security" -> kali linux + black hoodie
"innovation" -> adding something completely irrelevant such as making a poop emoji talk
"blockchain" -> we make lots of backups
"privacy" -> we store your data, we just don't tell you about it37 -
Worst Hackathon ? When you have coded so hard during 48 hours to have a functional prototype and the winners get trophee with a static PowerPoint, full of bullshit buzzwords...10
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I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF BUSINESS MOTHERFUCKERS USING TECHNICAL FUCKING BUZZWORDS LIKE THEY KNOW SHIT ABOUT TECH! THEY TRY TO BE FUCKING SMARTASSES AND ARGUE WITH DEVELOPERS LIKE GOD KNOWS WHY THIS FUCKING DOUCHE IS NOT THROWN IN /dev/null YET!
Ugh. He try to sound smart and argued with a unity game developer why the dev is not using "react" and "redux" in his game, purely because "since its the hype in 2016"... I was like really nigga?? FOR FUCKS SAKE Do some research before you say! Then he argued with a senior full-stack web developer on why they're using ES6 and not ES7, purely because he heard that ES7 is newer. When we try to explain we're not using decorator syntaxes since we use pure functions in our codebase, or how we haven't installed any ES7 babel plugins to transpile our code, he kept saying ES7 is newer and cooler and we must use it somehow... More to rant but i am fucking tired right now...
13 -
Imagine if a structural engineer whose bridge has collapsed and killed several people calls it a feature.
Imagine if that structural engineer made a mistake in the tensile strength of this or that type of bolt and shoved it under the rug as "won't fix".
Imagine that it's you who's relying on that bridge to commute every day. Would you use it, knowing that its QA might not have been very rigorous and could fail at any point in time?
Seriously, you developers have all kinds of fancy stuff like Continuous Integration, Agile development, pipelines, unit testing and some more buzzwords. So why is it that the bridges don't collapse, yet new critical security vulnerabilities caused by bad design, unfixed bugs etc appear every day?
Your actions have consequences. Maybe not for yourself but likely it will have on someone else who's relying on your software. And good QA instead of that whole stupid "move fast and break things" is imperative.
Software developers call themselves the same engineers as the structural engineer and the electrical engineer whose mistakes can kill people. I can't help but be utterly disappointed with the status quo in software development. Don't you carry the title of the engineer with pride? The pride that comes from the responsibility that your application creates?
I wish I'd taken the blue pill. I didn't want to know that software "engineering" was this bad, this insanity-inducing.
But more than anything, it surprises me that the world that relies so much on software hasn't collapsed in some incredible way yet, despite the quality of what's driving it.45 -
FULLSTACK DEVELOPER
- A buzzword that startup companies use when they can't hire a lot of people. Multitasking all the way sucker!7 -
Client asked for Two Factor Authentication as a part of the webapp we're building and then were confused as to why they needed a second password to login
"we don't want to add an extra step into the login process, can you remove it please"
fml6 -
So. A while ago I was on OkCupid, trying to find the Pierre to my Marie Curie (without the whole brain getting crushed under a horse carriage wheel obviously) and I decided the best way was to have my profile lead with my passion for technology. It turned out pretty unique, if I do say so myself.
At the end of it, I amassed some interesting and unique messages:
- A Java pickup line (that I never responded to. Yes I'm a very basic Devranter)
- A request to turn the man's software into hardware (to which I politely informed him that this was scientifically impossible unless a reader proves me wrong)
- Another impossible request to turn his floppy disk into a hard drive (how outdated too, why not HDD to SSD for faster speed amirite? That was awful don't mind me)
- A sincere request to help troubleshoot a laptop (Honestly I would've helped with help requests but this is a dating site...)
- A sincere request to help debug a student project followed with a link to a GitHub repo
- Another sincere request with studying for a computer exam
- And lastly, my favourite: a sincere job offer by a guy who went from flirtatious to desperate for a programmer in a minute. He was looking for *insert python, big data, buzzwords here* and asked me for a LinkedIn. I proceeded to inquire exactly what he wanted me to do. He then asks me to WRITE a Python tutorial and that he would pay a few cents per word written so he could publish it. Literally no programming involved.
Needless to say I went to look elsewhere.26 -
What I learned in the machine learning course so far, all the Buzzwords can be replaced by "statistical mathematics".5
-
Buzzwords.
I can't fucking stand it when people use them in the entirely wrong context, just to sound smart, or whatever very much wrong or invalid reason.
But, I also can't fucking stand it when people, just because some word is a buzzword, invalidate/demonize it by default when it *IS* used in the right context.
I see this last one more and more and it annoys me to death.6 -
A recruiter called today.
A new job proposal. Higher salary, manage some 5 men team, DevOps buzzwords, cool product, great conditions but then she says "and we're working only in Windows environment".
My ears ringed "only in windows env".. "only windows"... "windooowwssss".
"Nope, thanks, have a good day!" - hung up.19 -
My start at one of the Big Four (accounting firms).
The first two days of each month they organise "onboarding days" for the new starters of that month. (I so hate upper management buzzwords!) They sent me a formal invitation that looked like I was being invited to a ball with the royals, and they included the following super-smarty-pants line: "Dress code: would you wear jeans and t-shirt when you meet a client?"
And I thought: "I'm an effing hardware and software engineer for internal services. I will never meet a client." But I dressed formally nonetheless, and I went to the onboarding, and I hated every second I spent in those effing high heels, and don't get me started on how I managed to get a run on my stockings in the first hour.
The first day of the onboarding we sat through eight hours of general talks from senior employees who wanted to explain the "culture" and "values" of our company, but the worst of all was the three-hour introduction to IT services where they "helped us set up our new laptops" and taught us how to send e-mails and how to use the Company Portal.
On the second day, they divided us into groups depending on our speciality (assurance, taxes, legal, etc) and exposed us to further 8 hours of boredom related to our speciality. However, since the "digital services" thing was still new to them, we didn't have a category of our own, and we had to attend the introduction to one of the other categories, and I didn't understand one word of what was being said.
On the third day I finally went to my office and they provided me with a second laptop. It turns out that we engineers got different laptops and were allowed to manage it ourselves instead of letting central IT manage it for us. So I simply returned the laptop they had given me the first day and started working. However, for some reason, the laptop I returned was not registered, and two weeks later they started pestering me with emails asking where was the laptop "I had stolen". It took me 3 weeks of emails and calls to make them understand that I had returned the laptop immediately.
Also, on the two onboarding days we had to sign attendance, and since I forgot to sign the paper list on the second day, they invited me to the event the next month again. I explained to them that I had already attended the onboarding and didn't go, so they invited me again on the third month, and they threatened me with "disciplinary action" if I didn't go. After a week of lost time writing emails and calling people, I ended up going to the onboarding again just to sign the effing list.
In the end, I resigned during the probation time. That company was the worst experience of my life. It was an example of corporate culture so absurdly exaggerated that it sometimes reminded me of Kafka's Trial. I think they have more "HR representatives" than people who do actual work.6 -
more buzzword translations with a story (because the last one was pretty well liked):
"machine learning" -> an actual, smart thing, but you generally don't need any knowledge to use it as they're all libraries now
"a bitcoin" -> literally just a fucking number that everyone has
"powerful" -> it's umm… almost working (seriously i hate this word, it really has a meaning of null)
"hacking" -> watching a friend type in their facebook password with a black hoodie on, of course (courtesy of @GeaRSiX)
"cloud-based service" -> we have an extra commodore 64 and you can use it over the internet for an ever-increasing monthly fee
"analysis" -> two options: "it's not working" or "its close enough"
"stress-free workplace" -> working from home without pants
now for a short story:
a few days ago in code.org "apscp" class, we learnt about how to do "top down design" (of course, whatever works before for you was not in option in solving problems). we had to design a game, as the first "step" of "top down design," we had to identify three things we needed to do to make a game.
they were:
1. characters
2. "graphics"
3. "ai"
graphics is literally a png, but what the fuck do you expect for ai?
we have a game right? oh wait! its getting boring. let's just sprinkle some fucking artificial intelligence on it like i put salt on french fries.
this is complete bullshit.
also, one of my most hated commercials:
https://youtu.be/J1ljxY5nY7w
"iot data and ai from the cloud"
yeah please shut the fuck up
🖕fucking buzzwords6 -
I've dreamed of learning business intelligence and handling big data.
So I went to an university info event today for "MAS Data Science".
Everything's sounded great. Finding insights out of complex datasets, check! Great possibilities and salery.
Yay! 😀
Only after an hour they've explained that the main focus of this course is on leading a library, museum or an archive. 😟 huh why? WTF?
Turns out, they've relabled their librarian education course to Data science for getting peoples attention.
Hey you cocksuckers! I want my 2 hours of wasted life time back!
Fuck this "english title whitewashing"4 -
Does anyone else despise buzzwords? A little background. I am a senior dev with a government organization who works in machine learning. As everyone knows, AI is the hottest of the hot now. Thus, everyone believes that they need it.
Long story short. I had a "requirement" come down to develop an "AI" algorithm that totaled all of the hours that a device was used last month. I explained to them that they weren't looking for "AI" and instead they needed rudimentary mathematics and a touch of Business Analytics for visualization. When they finally understood, they told me "nevermind, we just want to get into AI"...11 -
Git, Bitcoin, actually getting paid for writing PySnek.. What the fuck is this doing in my feed?
1. How the fuck are Git and Bitcoin related?
2. What the fuck makes you think that open source and getting paid don't usually go together, as if that makes your product unique?
3. What kind of drugs did this marketing cunt take to make this promotion, because I want some!
4. What kind of braindead idiot am I for not including the fucking picture before hitting submit?!
12 -
The newest *DD development trend: Panic Driven Development.
When your hexagonal domain driven serverless microservice architecture explodes in production and you don't know which one of the 50k components is failing.
5 -
Shit! I knew buzzwords were overused, but I just saw an ad and it is fucking jesused jambled bananas in the ass.
Starts with a woman looking out the window and there’s a tornado (seems ok for now)
The tornado approaches and IT IS MADE OF FUCKING NON MONOSPACED IN MY ASS FONTED 0s AND 1s. Bonus point: they are green !!
Switches to lines of GREEN code (kill my fucking brain with a pistol attached to your dick right now)
Probably JS or something similar in syntax.
And then: A FUCKING GUY LEANING OVER POINTING SOMETHING ON THE SCREEN! HIS NAMETAG:
Logan Paul
Blockchain
👏👏👏👏
And then some other buzzing asses armagedon en d of the fucking world bleeding edge vibrator buzzwords shenanigans.
Finishes with drones shot flying between businesses building with 3d floating words like
Blockchain!
Artificial Intelligence
Deep learning
Etc.
KILLLLLL MMMEEEE FU748-KFJV ING 3I6HT N0W $)&(&($8#;&(&8 jeiebc13 -
A company gave a placement talk in college today.
First, they talked about their company's facts and figures, which no one was interested in.
Second, they talked about Amazon and Jeff's vision, AirBnB and their revolutionary idea, more than their own company and products.
Third, they showed some testimonial videos of their employees and customers.
"What the fuck is going on?" I thought. We were there to get information about a placement test.
Buzzwords started coming in. Machine Learning, Artificial Intelligence, Big Data and what not.
Last 15 minutes, a guy came. He talked about test date, test format and test topics, finally.
An hour and half wasted for 15 minutes of information.
Fuck placement talks.35 -
So I've written the c part for deploying the NN to the drone. Now I have to wait for the guys who are actually the creators of this platform to fix a tiny bug in the quantization process. Then I can test my code and see the 100000 bugs that I have.
https://github.com/FullMetalNicky/...
4 -
> Open private browsing on Firefox on my Debian laptop
> Find ML Google course and decided to start learning in advance (AI and ML are topics for next semester)
**Phone notifications: YouTube suggests Machine Learning recipes #1 from Google**
> Not even logged in on laptop
> Not even chrome
> Not even history enabled
> Not fucking even windows
😒😒😒
The lack of privacy is fucking infuriating!
....
> Added video to watched latter
I now hate myself for bitting
22 -
Fellow devranters, tech buzzwords work as pickup lines.
I can't yet post proof pic but gosh it happened.
16 -
I can understand (to a point) when non-devs use meaningless tech "buzzwords", but please, as developers, can we just agree not to spout nonsense?!
"Electron is so amazing, it's such a lightweight framework!"
"Django is incredible, it's so agile!"
Agile is a family of development methodologies, and Electron is about as heavyweight as a desktop application can possibly get...10 -
How can business majors be so gullible?! Who the fuck poisoned their minds with the app hype ?!!
Seriously my tears are 90% from laughter and 10% shame for humanity.
Friend: "Dude I'd like to consult with you the idea of an app...etc"
Me: "Sounds nice, got a business plan?"
Friend: "Yes, but well...you see... development has already started"
Me: "oh cool, how's that going?"
Friend: "well I already made an upfront payment of 2K dollars"
Me: "sounds kind of excessive for the amount of work...wait did you said upfront payment?"
Friend: "yeah, we calculated 30k total"
😐
Me:"umm...that software must be...special...? Can I see it?"
Friend: "that's the thing, they haven't delivered"
Me: " did they give you mockups? A development plan? Demo? Anything?"
Friend: "umm no"
Me: "a god damn receipt?"
Friend shows me a piece of paper with the name of the guy and 2K written on it.
Friend: "he says he's been busy, I wanted your advice"
I blame Eduardo Saverin's fate and my friend's on college's failure to teach "real world assholes 101"
6 -
Read some books
Get a computer
Write some codes
Use Linux
Hate Microsoft
Argue Vim vs Emacs
Debate 4 spaces vs tabs
Use dark themes
Follow buzzwords..
Now repeat after me, "I am a programmer...."4 -
Just updated my LinkedIn summary, included "Design Thinking", "bleeding edge technologies" and "innovation-driven"...
What other phrases can you think of that only exist to play Buzzword-Bullshit-Bingo? :D5 -
Whenever something goes mainstream and becomes buzzword there are annoying consequences of it.
First, it’s harder to find anything meaningful about the topic.
Second, suddenly everyone is an expert and web search starts to show not related products like promo codes, stupid videos, tutorials for dumb.
Third, old content that was interesting is lost under pile of shit or gets deleted.
I feel like I’m living in middle ages and before I try to watch something interesting it’s deleted by Spanish inquisition and replaced by some crap.
Most of expert content I have in favorites is returning 404 and youtube videos are deleted or private so from some time I started to backup all content I read or watch and find interesting in public networks.
Fortunately I have couple of terabytes of storage to backup interesting topics but I’m not happy that I’m back to times when I was saving internet page to floppy disk to show it to my friend later.
What a fucking nightmare.3 -
Hey everyone I'm starting a blockchain company called Useless Blockchain.
You should really get in and invest before we make our first billion $$$.7 -
So, back a couple of years, during a previous job.
As a junior research assistant in a data analytics lab, I had a manager who was surprisingly un-tech savvy.
I put together a couple of python scripts for natural language processing of some text reviews we had.
Dude was so impressed, he called up his superiors, and his superiors' superiors, along with all their colleagues - all the way to the top levels, inviting them down to see some "groundbreaking research".
They came down, he opened with a nice speech about the wonders of big data and what data analytics could do for the world - video analytics, real-time analytics, loads of buzzwords.
Then it was showtime for my "bleeding-edge, groundbreaking work" - a single terminal putting out unamusing debugging print statements, processing a 500mb CSV file. It was just in the midst of removing stop words.
Needless to say, the head honchos weren't impressed, and paid no attention to any of our future work. Our team was placed on lowest priority for any opportunities.
It was so bad to a point I had to leave the job about 6 months after. It was a literal dead-end, all because of this guy's ignorance and desire to impress.
:/2 -
Oh wow, so many memorable co-workers, though typically not in a positive way. I guess the most memorable was this project manager who got his job solely through nepotism. He was a fucking moron, putting it lightly. He would rattle off buzzwords and jargon that he had randomly picked up in a completely nonsensical way, which made him sound even more ridiculous. He didn't seem to notice our blank stares.
Anyway, since he loved to show everyone just how awesome he was, he had to have the latest and greatest laptop. He had some top-of-the-line model which cost an insane amount of cash back in the day, but of course he got bored of it when something better came out six months later. So he decided to sell his old laptop.
Now, this was his personal laptop he was selling but we were about three months away from launching a top-secret project which had a seven figure budget and a lot riding on it. So what did this absolute goose do? He sold his laptop unformatted with a metric shit ton of confidential files and documents on it. As fate would have it... he sold it to someone who just so happened to work for a competing company.
Cut to about two and a half months later, around two weeks before the launch of this massive project, our competition comes out with something incredibly similar and beat us to market. Aghast, senior management then found out that they had obtained a treasure trove of confidential information from this numpty's laptop, handed to them on a silver platter.
The following Monday, with a sombre mood in the office, this guy cheerfully comes in through the door and is immediately yanked into the boardroom by management. What followed was around thirty minutes of brutal, relentless, non-stop shouting, table- banging and obscenities. When it finally stopped, the door quietly opened, this guy walks out as white as a sheet, turns towards the exit and left the building.
We never saw him again.5 -
I don't understand all the buzz around chat bots, they are literally just command lines with voice input5
-
Dev trends themselves.
The more buzzworthy the better, tons of material to rant about and hot air to sell.
(No offense to the ones who actually do this tho),
3 -
Guys, HTC is launching a Blockchain based phone.
The title goes like "First blockchain phone from HTC is coming soon".
I dont know if this is worse than the AI video i found on pornhub.
12 -
How to get investors wet:
“My latest project utilizes the microservices architecture and is a mobile first, artificially intelligent blockchain making use of quantum computing, serverless architecture and uses coding and algorithms with big data. also devOps, continuous integration, IoT, Cybersecurity and Virtual Reality”
Doesn’t even need to make sense11 -
I see the industry popularizing Machine Learning programs using AI to implement ethical Blockchain as a Javascript framework using Scrum techniques for Big Data Web2.0 in Responsive Virtual Reality for your IoT Growth Hacking operations.3
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(tl;dr) Protip: never take internship/training/job offers from startups.
Fucking piece of shit startups hiring innocent interns from University, hoping that they are full stack developers to build their shit website.
"I will throw challenges at you".
You fucking scum, I need a proper mentor to teach me something which is not my fucking domain. You expect me to know nodejs and reactjs, and if I don't know that means there's something wrong with my learning process?!!
I'm looking for an internship which basically means that I get company exposure to proper training unlike being your fucking slave, you uncultured swine.
Seriously, recruiters, these days jack off to google buzzwords.5 -
"Our company encourages cryptocurrency big data agile machine learning, empowerment diversity, celebrate wellness and synergy, unpack creative cloud real-time front-end bleeding edge cross-platform modular success-driven development of digital signage, powered by an unparalleled REST API backend, driven by a neural network tail recursion AI on our cloud based big data linux servers which output real time data to our Wordpress template interactive dynamic website TypeScript applet, with deep learning tensor flow capabilities.
Don't get what the fuck I just said? Udemy offers countless courses on python based buzzwords. Be the first out of 13 people to sell your soul and private information, and you'll get the first three minutes of the course free!"3 -
Pffff...... Wanna make an app tomorrow...
Got no clue what to make....
Maybe something with big AI learning data machine. Yeah I think that hits all the right buzzwords :P
Any ideas you're willing to share?7 -
Yeah so seems like huge companies are literally just throwing tech buzzwords like "blockchain" and "cloud" and "big data" for marketing purposes.This annoys me.3
-
Anyone else here with anxieties, depression or what-not? I feel this could get heavy, but I feel this is the only place I could write this. So...
My 18-month-long programming course is slowly coming to an end. Time has come for us to be sent out to job interviews at various companies.
Every single time an interview comes up, I feel the exact same mix of my inconfidence, constant anxiety, "I'm gonna throw up", impatience and whatever else is there in my head. I figured it would get easier with each consecutive interview but it hasn't.
The questions they ask make me sick. The atmosphere is unfathomable. Robots are more humane.
- Why do you want to work with us?
I need money for my meds and something to down them with? I willingly put myself through this shit to become a corporate slave, what else is there to say? I can only hope I'll be writing any code here.
- Where do you see yourself in 2-3 years?
Far away from anything remotely related to an HR department of any sort?
- Had you been a fruit, which one would you be? Whatever would come out of my tears blended with semen? What the fuck is even that question?
Of course those aren't my actual responses, but conjuring the IRL ones to finish the process is a serious burden. And those are only some HR ones. After this barrage of questions they want my lifeless, flaccid body to write code. I mean ok, it's a software dev gig, but I already gave all I had on self-clairvoyance.
We'll be in touch!
Is there a strategy you guys have when you go to an interview? Any tips for taming the acrid beast running around in your brain? Is it too much to talk with a human in a humane language without "15 buzzwords to make the recruiter moist"?5 -
Overheard: "I'll need to get in touch with my Infrastructure Architecture Innovation Team"
😂🤣😅😂🤣😅
Why not just call them team buzzwords. Omg.3 -
I don't understand why there is such a hypocritic professionalism in tech industry.
In the careers page ,these companies show smiling people, party images , slides and shit. And while selecting resumes, they want to scan buzzwords to select a particular candidate and hate "actual" introductions.
Like, how would you like to meet someone in a bar , who introduces himself as " a super enthusiastic 10x engineer and a tech enthusiast with a knack of building scalable and industry recognized softwares in x tech for last y years". Dude, introduce yourself as a human not a bot.
There is a clear difference when we are talking about personal stuff and when we are talking about tech in real life, why not maintain that in your resume?
But no, just write a single sentence in first person p.o.v and next thing you know, you see tons of LinkedIn post about "how to write a 'professional' resume"8 -
How the fuck is CLI a skill for job seekers?! And what's a Toolbox?
Apparently, recruiters write any Buzzwords they hear of! CLI is not even a Buzzword. How did it get there?
5 -
Is it just me, or is the term full stack developer a bit carelessly thrown about in job listings and such?
In the past, as far as I can tell, you could refer to yourself as a full stack dev if you had experience with both front end and back end technologies.
If you for example knew HTML/CSS, JS, PHP and MySQL, you'd be a full stack dev.
Now however, I feel you need to know so much more to justify calling yourself an actual full stack dev, and yet most job listings ask for a full stack dev.
What do you guys think?
Should the term full stack developer still be used, and what do you need to know to justify calling yourself a full stack dev without feeling like a liar?8 -
You always think of the young buck, fresh-out-of-school hotshot devs as being the ones who are obsessed with chasing the Hot New Thing at the cost of stability and maintainability, but our head of front end is old enough to be my father and he's only getting worse and worse about forcing buzzword compliance on the company. New framework every six months. New language every two years. Containers on VMs on cloud boxes. I've got milk in my fridge that's older than our tech stack and probably twice as stable.
Apparently age only brings wisdom if you're capable of giving a fuck.6 -
Fullstack Bluetooth in the cloud using a mainframe matrix and heatsinks for optimal parallel multiprocessing.
I hate buzzwords. And especially hate TV shows that try to sound smart.3 -
Recently I receive a ton of mails from cool/hip/rockstar startups. They all run like this:
"We are a innovative Startup based on a [insert some random stuff or buzzword] blockchain! If you're a student with skills and experience in blockchain, machine learning and AI willing to change the world with our sick technology and make it a better place..."
The best thing about this: since they are a innovative Startup they expect you to work for free.
But who am I to judge something so brand-new and innovative. I contacted them to find out what these dank innovations are about.
They can't even explain what a blockchain is or the basics of ML and AI, they basically just want someone do it for free...
It's still ok since no one is gonna fall for this bait... this morning a friend of mine told me he got a new job... and he even can work from home...
I'm not even mad, I just feel sadness and sorrow specially for him, because he is a good dev and accepts big times underpay and now free work, because he thinks a day off in his CV will lead him to be unemployed 😭
Fucking hate it how people successfuly manipulate kids and youth to them to work 24/7 for minimum wage or even for free and some other douchebags trying to take advantage of this 😡1 -
WTF do y’all mean when you say it just works “out-of-the-box”.
What’s one Tech buzzword or phrase that in your opinion, shouldn’t exist?20 -
Is it unprofessional if I write "No recruiters! Thank You." in my LinkedIn Summary? Because I get at least 3-4 messages a day from recruiters with a lot of buzzwords.19
-
Well... Well... What a multi-talented personality...
Every connection I see on LinkedIn has these buzz words in their tag line: AI/ML, Cryptocurrency, Blockchain.
This guy even has Smart City...!!!
Don't know how many of them are legit... I just don't understand each of these techs are so vast... Still people manage to get expert in all of them in just few days... What's the secret...?
8 -
Why do marketers always tarnish the name of new concepts by turning them into buzzwords?
For example, "Cloud" is one of the most misused and overused words on the internet. If something has anything to do with the internet, it's likely to be plastered with the word "Cloud".
It's like "App" all over again. Anything remotely related to technology is called an "App" by it's marketing team and layman users.2 -
The word, "Code" being used as a verb,
"Cloud",
'Big Data",
Recruiters,
Scratch,
Any other crappy "Teach your kid to code!" Product,
And finally, mondays.
This is the comprehensive list of buzzwords and things in general that make me want to die right now7 -
And in the latest of "politicians like using tech buzzwords without understanding what they mean or do":
https://bbc.co.uk/news/...8 -
You know what's fun? When your client insists you use an agile process with a delivery at the end of each sprint, then proceeds to bitch at each release at the features that weren't implemented yet. The thing isn't even slated to be done until 4Q 2018 and is on schedule/early. Glad I am not on that team . . . yet.
-
Agile development of a decentralised AI, using a neural network based on Blockchain technology for big data.
Is that enough buzzwords to make an employer happy? :p2 -
!dev
At my current work (sports wear bla bla bla) we recently had couple of brands come by (136people) and had a presentation. One of the market lead peps stood and talked about future plans and projects in the following:
👨🏻💼MarketGuy: "we want to improve the e-shop service and direct booking system. Think about it, AI, machine learning and deep network, these are all out there and we should consider working with it!"
👨🏻Me: ... *Thinking* "buzzwords, buzzwords everywhere.. dude you don't even know how to excel..
👨🏻💼: *Continues babbling about website, Blockchain and AI together with sportswear and the future of working together*
MAH GAAAD (┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻
I need a coffee.. ☕2 -
Always weirds me out when people talk about developing "the" blockchain instead of "a" blockchain. Like...you guys know there's more than one, right? At this point there's actually kind of a lot of them.2
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That very "awesomeee" moment when you have to create a website to a new startup which are using all the right buzzwords such as blockchain, AI and machine learning... (wuhuuu)
Btw. will you help a fellow dude by answering my survey for my final paper?
https://goo.gl/forms/...
Thank you!
- and it took a whole year for me (and some desperation for help) to write my first ever post on here :p4 -
It's so annoying. Whenever you are at a hackathon, every damn team tries to throw these buzzwords- Block chain, AI, ML. And I tell you, their projects just needed a duckin if else.😣
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For shit's sake, data stream processing really is only for people with high throughput looking to do transformations on their data; not for people aggregating <10Gb/day of data.
Fuck me DSP is going to be the new buzzword of 2020 and I'm not looking forward to it. I've already got stakeholders wondering if we can integrate it when we dont have the need, nor the resources or funds.10 -
We had a floor meet early morning, regarding some business advancements and new "business framework" in our company.
Guess who took a sick leave.
PS : Apparently tech is not the only field with buzzwords.
PPS : Floor meets? Early morning? Why? -
I think I just discovered what happens when two buzzwords have a baby...
https://cnet.com/news/...
Seriously what the fuck did I just watch. Consume this media at your own risk.5 -
Set up an Ubuntu AWS ec2 instance running nodejs reverse proxied by nginx, kept running by pm2 and SSL provisioned by certbot.
I know that sounds like nothing but buzzwords but it really felt awesome to get a little node app stack sorted out!4 -
The best way to get funding from VCs now is to include the following words: ML, AI, IoT. To even blow their minds more, add Blockchain.2
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Lead: alright people what are your ideas and updates for this page refactor we've been talking about.
dipshit: Alright guys, I've done a quick awesome prototype that I really like...
dipshit: *starts to speak super fast* (I catch words about function composition, clean, no side effects, speed, efficiency. Basically a string of brogrammer buzzwords.)
me: what did you mean by that? How does it work?
dipshit: *basically repeats the same drivel*
me: uh..ok I don't quite understand
everyone else looks confused.
me: ok since you've done a prototype, we take a look at it later
*** After meeting, looks at code ***
It was COMPLETE GARBAGE. He used 1,500+ lines of js in 17 files to make what was essentially a simple 2 item list.
We were looking at a way to overhaul the entire page, he "refactored" maybe perhaps 5% of the page.
There was absolutely nothing clean / functional / composable about this monstrosity. It was as if he read chapter 1 of a book on functional programming and decided he understood enough to call himself an expert.
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL HIRED?
HOW DO YOU CALL YOURSELF A DEVELOPER?
YOU ARE SELF TAUGHT, DISS PEOPLE WITH FORMAL CS/CE DEGREES AND YOU PRODUCE TRASH CODE?!
ARE YOU SO RETARDED THAT YOU DO NOT RECOGNIZE HOW STUPID YOU ARE?
Please die in a fire, along with your jock attitude and unprofessionalism. Take this worthless junk unfit to be called code with you.3 -
I've been trying for the last 3 months to land my first development job. I have a good (over 3 years) amount of experience, but no industry experience and no degree. So it's been a uphill battle. Currently working at a call center making garbage and most of my time and energy is invested into this. Currently am not mobile so most of my money is being geared towards that. It's just frustrating to see all these over glorified job postings that ask so much for just entry levels. I haven't even gotten a damn interview, I feel like in houston it's either you have a degree or you are not even considered for just a fucking interview. If I can get at least one they will be able to see my drive, persistence and skills that have been developed overtime. And fuck recruiters, have been interfacing with them over linkedin and not one of them seemed eager (initially yes) to land me an interview. Most of these fucks don't even fucking understand the technology or buzzwords that are on the job posting. If I were a recruiter I would at least put a little research into what the different technologies are so the process will seem less abstract. The tech will have more meaning and maybe I would be able to get a better success rate with clients if I knew what was really required of them. Not just looking at xyz and seeing if client has experience with them, but really see if they know what they are; that way I will have more confidence sending them into an interview. But of course that's not how it works. "Oh yeah Java and javascript are very similar"... get the fuck out of here.13
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I hate buzzwords so much, once in school our class of 7 people got a presentation about some program which should have made our life easier. The problem I had was that the person presented with every second word being a buzzword. At some point a just shut down my mind for the rest of it. After the presentation when the class talked about it and I refused to use the program. The whole class had to use another one because of me.3
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I am excited about all of the AI blockchain technology using IoT running in the cloud, as a service. It has all of the bells and whistles -- big data, hyper converged infrastructure, seamless integration, a sleek dashboard with everything in a single pane of glass. On top of all of that, it's future proof!1
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On a conference call for this university-affiliated web app:
Random supervisor: “I think the demo presentation needs some more jazz!”
Another supervisor: “Maybe we can do a virtual reality demo of the site, then!”
What. The. Fuck.1 -
You beat back all the lesser buzzwords, but then you round the corner to face the ultimate boss of buzzwords, a God amongst ads.
4 -
The random feature request using buzzwords
Can we have picture-in-picture mode for devrant?
Ok I will rest in peace now good night!1 -
So many businesses, even if successful by targetting companies and contacting them themselves, can't get a website that actually tells what the fuck they do or offer, you can use your business buzzwords, smash some "marketing" here and there, but seriously, how would I know what you're actually doing, if I just stumble across your website and would even want to do any business with you, if all your pages are filled with absolute non-sense.3
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👩💻 What do we need?
👨🏻💼 Digitalisation!
👩💻 When do we need it?
👨🏻💼 Yesterday!
👩💻 And what is our company's Content / BPM strategy?
👨🏻💼 ?!3 -
So I had this conversation yesterday while fixing yet another Windows laptop for someone else.
Other Guy = OG
Me = Me (Duh)
OG: So what are your plans after your apprenticeship?
Me: Uh, I'll probably start somewhere that's e-commerce related, kinda like my current company but somewhere else.
OG: Uh have you thought about being your own boss?
Me: Well yeah, but I wouldn't know how to attract customers and shit
-- This is the moment shit gets real
OG: OH BTW I heard that Germany is lacking AI developers, you should do that! It earns you shitloads of cash!
Me: Uhm.. well, that might be true b-
OG: There's no but dude, it's free money, you're smart.. I mean you can fix any computer, right? AI will be just as easy
Me: It's not like-
OG: Duh, don't make yourself look so bad I know you can do it!
Me: B..But I'm not interested in it at all
*silence for 5 seconds*
OG: Well.. I guess you do you then
After that we continued to have random chit-chat about his job and experience (He's a mechanic)
God I hate when people throw buzzwords around and try to convince other people to do what *they* want.
No, I don't want to develop a structure of 1000 ifs/elses, I'd rather keep doing what I'm doing, thanks!6 -
AI enthusiasts are people who dunno programming. They have SK - superficial knowledge and a keen sense to get the buzzwords.
Also Blockchain enthusiasts are mostly bloke heads.1 -
So we're doing this contract work for this other company and the project is just an overcomplicated piece of garbage where they shoved every buzzword technology into it just because. I managed to get the code just about organized and functional on our side of the contract and it was looking up when suddenly the management decides "we had a rough start, lets start over, learning from our mistakes"
So I was thinking "cool, there were a lot of problems with this overcomplicated pre-optimized stack, surely we can only do better".. oh boy how naive I was. See Im not the guy in charge of the infrastructure (unfortunately) and really the project structure across this huge multi service project is a free-for-all kind of management.. so we had a call on friday where they explained how the new structure should be built... 3 new technologies, more micro services and even worse dependency tree later I was contemplating suicide on the spot.
I tried to make this shit usable and efficient and all my fucking work went down the drain in a single day of these fuckers throwing more buzzwords at the problem... I can't even get a new empty project started without browsing our huge 100+ repo project git for which dependency Im still missing to even run it...
I fucking hate this retarded piece of crap project and I hope every "manager" and "developer" with an exception of very few chokes on a cock...2 -
tl;dr: "Hey everyone plz look at me! I'v rebranded 'Vanilla CSS', look at me plz!!!"
...How to create a buzzword, lesson 1 :
Make a blog post about your freshly-pooped buzzword and start that same post by some poorly crafted pseudo-meta-thinking about buzzwords, just enough to try hard enforcing the idea that we still don't have enough of these bullshits and so yours is needed even if it's totally useless.
https://webdesignerdepot.com/2018/...2 -
Into a bunch of open source hogging meat heads because no one likes paying for things their own peers toil days and nights creating and creating more under documented over expensive licensed stuff (because agile) while throwing buzzwords to clients just make business while simultaneously choking the life out of underpaid overworked devs and engineers with the skill of running away from responsibility trying to save their own skin with the inept ability to look like a hero/King at the end of the day with a single mail sent with psychic communication or the lack thereof with people who are slogging their asses off to fix a problem created to the vulnerabilities and bugs introduced due to the impatience of the same moron who couldn't afford to give his employees/subordinates more time to figure out an elegant solution to a non existent problem created in the confusion of improperly documenting unnecessary requirements of an ignorant or unknowing client who is way too eager to process way too much load with way too less resources all the while whining about lack of features theyre not gonna use.3
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I will legit punch the next irl person in the face if they I hear the term "growth hacking" from their orifice.
What's your punch worthy bullshit buzzword.9 -
When you are in a meetup or a conversation with hipster devs and you hear new buzzwords, just use common sense, google it and pretend you've used it...
Just like anybody else. -
Be confident
use buzzwords
know your shit.
So many applicants I've interviewed only tick the first two boxes.
Also, remember you are interviewing them as much as they are interviewing you.1 -
Didn't really know how to categorize, bit of a question/discussion/curiosity, so I put it here.🤷
Just today I read an article that stated about the Netherlands, where the police will use an "AI surveillance camera" (yey buzzwords incoming 🙄, but it would actually make sense(?)🤷) to detect and punish drivers, holding a smartphone. Pictures without smartphone shall be deleted. How would this system work without having non-smartphone pictures? It needs to build a classifier, doesn't it? (To be clear, the system only reports those images to an officer for further analysis and actions.)
I mean let's consider that the images are somehow pre-processed, then some convolution(s) for feature extraction, then maybe some more intermediate steps and at the end apply the results on a classifier. How would that classifier work? Would a probability between 0 and 1 suffice? And if so, report those from 0,5 and above? Or would there be better techniques?9 -
Am I the only one that thinks that websites like dev.to are a huge pile of useless buzzwords and still less useful articles? I speak as a less-than-junior developer...
Just scrolled for five minutes dev.to and I didn't find anything useful nor interesting...1 -
Looking to get a good understanding of the fundamental ideology and math behind neural networks and support vector machines. I am well versed with math so I can deal with heavier stuff if needed, I would like to see formulas but an explanation to their conception would be nice. Does anyone have any resources like this? Practical hands on practice exercises would be a plus2
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