Ranting from the android emulator....

Check out my new raspberry pie.. Cheers from Canada and my grandmother

Me: *staring at computer screen, not looking busy*

Boss: Why are you not working?

Me: I am, I'm just waiting for this thing to finish installing.

Boss: You do realize you can still do other stuff while that's running, right?

Me: Didn't you send me an article last week about the dangers of multitasking?

Boss: um...

Me: *now intently staring at progress bar..."

Boss: fuck sakes... *walks away*

The problem with being a programmer...

I just broke up with a girl I've been seeing the past 2 months, that I was really into.

But in the end, it became a question of, either i'm with her, or I'm with my work.

I don't think that would happen with other professions, at least, not as easily.

I think, with other professions or projects, you tell someone "I need to work" and it's really fucking understood. "Ok, you need to work"

They understand it. If I was a lawyer.. I have a case. if I was a carpenter, I have a wall to build,
or a house. Etc. All understood things. Or physical things that can be seen.

But with programming, first of all, I work my own hours, I write software and then sell it. I do it all myself, I own my own business. I don't have normal hours like a job, but I do know my requirements, which is at LEAST 8 hours a day of solid, uninterrupted work.

If I had a "job" it would be like "gotta go to work" and that would be it.

But, because I work for myself, and because the things I build, aren't like something you physically see, nobody gets it.

My parents, as supportive as they are, will never understand how I just implemented a new design pattern and like, leveled up because of it.

They see software... buttons, and even then, when I try to explain what excites me, it's like trying to get a 3 year old interested in calculus.

How could they possibly understand the richness of what I do, how fulfilling it is
and how much I love it, when all they see
is me on a computer, clicking keys.

The same for this girl I dated.

The only place I feel where people understand,
is here.

Do you have any similar experiences to share?
Would love to hear it right now.

After spending a few months on this site, what strikes me the most, is how unhappy a lot of programmers are.

It kind of makes me sad to see so many of you struggle with office politics bullshit everyday.

I have a confession to make.

I've never had a programming job, or freelanced, yet I have made a very comfortable living with programming and marketing for the past 20 years.

I make my living by finding niches where there is shit software, and creating a better alarm clock.

The first 5-10 years of doing this, I worked my ass off (throughout my twenties)
But during most of my thirties, I barely had to
work to keep it all up. I get residual income still
from stuff I did 10 years ago.

I'm curious if anyone at all would be interested in learning how to do this, quitting their job, for example, or, just having the freedom to write your own code without answering to anybody but your own customers. Many of whom you never have to talk to, they go to your site, they buy, and rarely ever send emails (if you do it right)

Everybody here has knowledge that is so bankable, yet they seem to just surrender to
asshole bosses and clients. It doesn't have to
be like that.

If you'd be interested in this, please ++ this.

I'm thinking of creating an online course about creating and marketing your own software, specifically for programmers like you guys. and girls.

I genuinely just want to see if there's interest. I hope that's ok.

sudo apt update

"All packages up to date."

For the past 14 days? Huh.
Everyone on vacation or something?

It's quiet.
It's a little.... tooo ... quiet.

[Devart No. 4]
Title: "Northern Ranting "

🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁
😉 Greetings to the Canadian Devs 😉
🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁

My office for the past month. That's a battery powered by a solar panel, which powers my satellite internet and laptop

Me 6 months ago: "This is fucking genius. Beauutiful. Look at that code. See how I did this? Wow, I love it. Fuck I'm good"

Me Now: " What. the. ffuck? Wtf is this? What was I thinking? Goddamn. "

*reduces 3 methods and 37 lines to 2 methods and 8 lines*

Well at least it shows I'm still learning.

Drug dealer : yo, you code right?

Me: yeah, why

Drug dealer: can you hack into the police station.. You know, see if they are checking me out.. If they know I'm dealing.. I'll just move

(I've never hacked but I know i could learn if I have to)

Me:... That's actually brilliant

I love in a small town at the moment.. I bet the police security is a joke

Kinda high risk though

I work in a company where I'm the only developer, with everyone being designers or marketing or sales. Typically like the scene from Silicon Valley.

Moto was to create a ticket selling website for their products, and make sure they worked as well. It was all fine, until deadlines were discussed. They wanted it done within 2 weeks, the entire backend dashboard, API and front end.

I told them it's almost impossible to do it, but they insisted on it. So, I made a minimal dashboard and told them, I haven't completed a few things, such as if you edit data in one place, it won't reflect in other tables. So, be careful while editing the data.

They nodded their head for everything, yesterday was site launch and 2 hours before that one bastard decided to changed the product names to something "catchy" but failed to change the same in other places.

I had used the name as foreign key, so querying other DBs became a fuck all issue, and eventually API stopped giving any response to front end calls.

I got extremely pissed, and shouted at that dude, for fucking everything up. He said, you're the tech guy and you should've taken all this into account.

I sat and hardcoded all the data into database again, made sure site is live. Once it was live, these guys call a company meeting and fire me saying I was incompetent in handling the stressful situation.

At that moment, I lost my shit and blasted each of those people. The designer started crying since her absurd designs(though great) couldn't be realised in CSS that too within 2 weeks time.

One of the worst experience for working for a company. I could've taken the website down, and told them to buzz off if they'd called, I couldn't get myself to do it, hence ranting here.

I seriously feel, all these tech noob HRs need to get a primer course on how to deal with problems of a programmer before they get to hire one, most of these guys don't know what we're trying to tell in itself.

I find devRant to be the only place where I can get someone to understand the issues that I face, hence ranted.

TL;DR: Coded ticket selling site in 2 weeks. 3 hours to launch, data entry dude fucks up. I clean all the mess, get the site online. Get fired as soon as that happens.

Live long and prosper. Peace.

Chapter 1: Using all-caps to reach a greater audience

Cheers to devRant 😘
Keep up the Ranting...

Oh RLY? you want me to confirm my email address?

Shift+Tab - Ctl+a - Ctrl+c - Tab - Ctrl+v

Like a ninja...

could actually HEAR the knife swishing sounds there

No matter how many times you test it.

It is destined to fail when you will show it to clients. 😫

I have been up for 3 days now, coding. I am dangerously ahead of master.

To late to turn back now.
This fucker is getting pushed.

Whoops!!

Was ranting about bug reproducing and found this.

This is an actual duck that the city of toronto rented for a weekend, for no good reason.

The first programmers were women... cool

When I take a break from ranting, this is where you can find me.

Actual email I just sent to a customer:

"I logged into your account and I see the problem. I will update you and have it fixed either by tonight or tomorrow morning. It is a rare bug we have encountered before, and we are working on it as you read this. "

The truth:

"Im fucking drunk right now. I know that error. I put off fixing it for awhile now hoping it wouldn't come up because it's fucking annoying to fix. I'll try to fix it tomorrow morning, k no promises though. If I can't I'll still have your problem taken cats of it just means I'll have to do it manually. Anyway.. Gonna drink some more now, bye. "

P. S. There is no we. It's just me. K bye.

People ranting about Microsoft acquiring Github also happens to be using VSCode in another window.

Stallman is ranting about proprietary software. Yes, sir!

When you're too busy ranting...

Here is the equivalent of every single mid sized "php" project listed on freelancer now:

I'd like a custom designed electric car.
Budget: $750.

And in 1999:

I need a literal pile of dog poop.
Budget: $10,000

I taught myself programming in 1999, spent two months writing simple ad tracking script in php

I still earn about 1500/ month from it.

Those were the good old days

Ranting 😂

Government Fucking Websites.

Slow as fuck, disorganized, errors from 2004, UI from 2001.

You have to use them at a time when you really don't feel like waiting 30 fucking seconds for each page load.

Or filling out a fucking form that, ok, they made SOME kind of attempt to save your data, but it's overly complex and annoying.

Government websites. Making tasks that should take 5 minutes, 5 hours, since 1998.

Assholes.

Hello fellow devRanters.
It's that time of year where we celebrate the holidays, and give thanks to each other.

This year has been a tough one. And for many people, life can be snide and harsh; the fact that such a community like this exists is a testament to that. But despite all this we continue to uplift each other through our hardships.

As a way of thanks for such a great community I'd like to give away a few Devie balls (:/ ) to some people.

I'll pick a few people at random, at around this time tomorrow, in the comment sections that would like to have a little devie ball.

In order to partake in this, I'd like you to tell me one thing about technology that you're most thankful for.

I love this community.
<3
Thanks for this time.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! FOR FUCK SAKES!
FUCKING GODDAMN FUCK SHIT CUNT FUCK!

no reasons needed... that's my rant

Sitting in a germans-only company on a germans-only talk, listening to german presenters trying to speak english.
"...And sis is a Integräitontest, witsch is verry important [...] sis here is my sird maven plugin..." schnitzel.

Why for god sake do you funky hip devs mean you have to speak english to me?! Especially if you are simply not able to?

Some of my favorites:
My english is not se yellow from se egg but I hope you understand me.
Sänk ju for trävveling wis deutsche bahn.

Someone has similiar sentences?

When your addicted to ranting:

Just changed my IDE font, i feel so energise to code now

Found this at my grandmothers house... Check out caption "compete free on the internet" and for Windows 95

If you ever find yourself having serious problem with a bug... relax. Go take a walk around the block for 5-10 minutes, don't think about it, feel the sun on your face, look at girls/guys, whatever.

The answer will come to you automatically.

If that doesn't work, someone you know has adderal.

Do you think you need to be smart at math to be a programmer

People ask me that, my answer is like.. Well.. No

That's kind of bullshit

I hate it when I try and have a discussion with another dev and the conversation devolves into something akin to:

Me: I'm doing a thing in y language! How do I do z using y language?

Dev: WHY ARE YOU USING Y LANGUAGE?! Y LANGUAGE SUCKS AND IF YOU USE IT YOU'RE STUPID. ALL REAL DEVS USE X LANGUAGE.

I just wanted to know how to do something. Maybe I don't want to do it in another language. Maybe I have to use this language for work/study. Maybe I've just been given legacy spaghetti code and can't change the system easily.

Why do people feel the need to do this? And if they want to flame a language why can't they do it constructively?

Dev: If you are trying to do a thing in y language, why don't you try using x language? It offers an easier way for you to complete the task that you want, and it has other amazing features too!

Then you could actually respond with the appropriate response which would be thanks but no thanks because of this reason or thanks i'll check it out.

No need to be so elitist all the time.

Hi Fellas !

I'm new here. I have no idea what makes you get so many ++ and what ++ can do for you.

I'm just feeling better here, it feels like im entering my soul's home!

Weekend is near, what project you gonna do ?

Have a great day !

Is php beautiful, or ugly?

Here's my php. The beautiful, and the ugly.

*nervously presses submit*

Wireshark

Except I know nothing about how to use it.

I worked 76 hours in a row once, when I first learned Laravel.

I wanted to see if I could clone a site I created 10 years earlier that took 2 months.

I succeeded.

I took copious amounts of Adderall, though.

I don't recommend it.

Why I quit playing video games 15 years ago, and how that impacted my life.

In a land far far away (probably from where you are) on a distant planet (probably for aliens reading this) In a typical city, in a typical apartment, I woke up from a deep deep sleep, the kind of sleep that you can only have if you've been up the previous 2 days binge playing final fantasy 7.

It was a day like any other, except, on this day, I had a haunting thought:

"What if I played my LIFE, like I did video games"?

Long story short. I couldn't play video games anymore. Instead of "working" I saw it as gaing exp points. Instead of "failing" I saw it as necessary to build up character flaws.... etc.

I haven't looked back. I created 3 businesses, I learned psychology, marketing, programming, law, etc etc.

I look at my current status, strength points, charisma points, intelligence points, etc.
And I'm proud.

You get the idea.

Later, I realized something else. If I work all day in front of a computer, how can I play in front of a computer too?

This could be a better post, but you get the gist.

Know the role video games plays in your life, and don't let it play YOU.

That moment, when @dfox gives you more than +1))

Time flies, one minute you're starting a project at 11PM and finally​ ready to sleep...at 5.45AM

You know that feeling when you're "on the zone"

Yess!!!! Finally!!!

As someone in charge of reviewing this code, how would you react to this function that contains, what could be, the longest ever readable return statement.

It's kind of true....

You guys get me through the day. Thanks for ranting (-:

*coding*

*notices coffee is cold, puts it on stove with flame burner on low, to warm up*

*sits back down, goes back to coding*

*hears fizzing popping sounds... coffee overflows and boils*

FUCK - every other day for the past month ,every single time... lol

ROL!
Ranting Out Loud 🔊

"wow I love this programming article, how do I... tell the author or something, can I comment or... what's this, clapping hands, ok... fine...... ah fuck"

Only ranting though 😂

who here has worked for a bank?

without naming names? what was the scariest thing they did, like, bad code, bad security, etc, that you had to fix

always wanted to be a fly on the wall of the devs office for a bank...

My girlfriend is ranting about her work... It's a shame she isn't into tech or something like that.. If she would, I could show her the beauty of this online platform.

keyboard shortcuts.

If you threw your mouse away, could you still code very fast?

I learned all the kb shortcuts 2 years ago..

Coding shortcuts in sublime are the best

Best skill I every owned..speed of pc use is drastically improved

Put me up against any normal user and I'll have 10 typical computer tasks done before he finishes one

Could you throw away your mouse for a day?

If you can't.. I challenge you to try. Probably the best skill for getting jobs? Just guessing

Finally found a place where I can relate. Where are you ranting from?
Honduras here 😄

Just installed linux (Ubuntu 16.04.3 LTS x64) because windows update was being a cunt, instantly, it all fell into place and I got it fully running with minecraft (using generic driver, but it actually works pretty well, don't worry I will get the proper one tomorrow) and a desktop icon for it within two hours compare to windows (update) taking 4 days to do barely any updates, not accepting java or graphics drivers, which it requires because fuck opengl with the default drivers.

Fuck windows. Hooray for linux!

Now back to programming...

Thanks for putting up with me but I just need to vent because I felt like I couldn't program (and I didn't) because of FUCKING DOOLALY WINDOWS 8!

Btw thanks to the local charity shop for introducing me to (SUSE) linux when I was like 11, giving me a hope in hell of using linux. I now have around 11 bootable linux disks and 1 bootable flash.

I think I just blew my own mind here.

Look at this:

Class SomeClass
{
_call($functionName, $arguments)
{
return call_user_func(array('SomeClass','uselessMethod'), 'method');
}

method($foo)
{
return new Adapter($foo)->execute($this);
}

uselessMethod()
{
return $this->method(__FUNCTION__);

}

}
so __FUNCTION__ resolves to
Caller:

You can run that code, whether you comment out uselessMethod, or not.

Adapter is a function that looks for what class to call depending on a database value
and execute the call.

So api basically uses a chain call to do stuff like this in controllers, here's how
I call the above:

$someObject = (new Class($object))->uselessMethod()->doSomething()->doSomethingElse();

But like, eventually my code matured to where all those methods in the chain call have the same one line return that calls my adapter to find the logic to run.

So, basically, I can now have a class with headless function calls that calls a directory of other classes, that are all defined in a contract somewhere. So as long as those classes
all adhere to the contract, it will never return an error.

I can't think of any reason to do this, other than my setup, and I have a sneaky feeling,
as dirty as this trick is, that there's a bad reason my code has come to being able to do this.

Maybe wrong strategy pattern from the beginning?

I'm sure it'll come to me like 3 days from now..

You know what I realized something. And im gonna brag about it. I taught myself laravel, vue, JavaScript, basic Unix server admin stuff and more all without every asking a single question on a forum.

Basically out of laziness, and impatience, though.

Still, go me.

Hey... to somebody reading this, most likely.

The problem, is that you put if($var = 'something')
You need ==, not =.
Php doesn't tell you that though. It'll just change the var to 'something'

That's why you're getting that really obscure, doesn't make any sense error.

You're welcome.

I had a teacher that was going to teach us git and scrum. I was exited and started reading about it in my free time. The next lesson I needed to help him setup the git repo's because he doesn't understand how git works. And everytime we asked something about scrum, he said we should google it. But in the end he barely gave me enough point to pass because he said I wasn't motivated enough and was doing my own projects. But the reason I was doing my own projects (code school) was because I finished all of the assigments within a week. And I knew I wasn't going to learn anything from him.

too much ranting and no coding makes a programmer null.

That one time @dfox apologises for ranting on devrant.

I hate people who dog on wsl

Windows subsystem Linux

I use it. It has been wonderful. No problems that Google couldn't fix. Always a patch or an update.

And I can use Windows just fine.

No dual boot needed, no bullshit wine needed, no having to do without Photoshop

There,.. I'm out of the closet

My uncle showed me how to use it ok mom and dad

I'm starting a wsl parade who's in

If only the people knew how much anger devrant was saving them from.

<true long rant about programming>; 4 ++
FUCKING CSS; 352++

Finally ranting paid off! Thank you!

I have successfully employed a function that uses recursion....

Because I stubbornly tried every possible iteration of the code until it became right.

I still don't get why it works.

Serious Question/Poll

Imagine a job where instead of a worker, you're a partner. Hold on, I know that sounds markety...

Let's say instead of an employee, you're basically like a free agent. The company has a pool of projects that are approved to develop, and you can pick what project and what team to work on. More than that, you can even choose how much you want to work on it, and get paid accordingly in ownership stake of said project (on top of your base salary)

What if you were encouraged to submit your own ideas about everything, and that feedback is instantly public, before anyone (management) can water it down, take credit, or worse, suppress it entirely.

What if you could work from anywhere, home, not home, middle of the ocean, whatever.

Plus, we give you a budget to buy your own pc/mac whatever. As long as you can code on it, we don't give a shit.

Also, foosball and ping pong, beer, coffee, cool work environment and all that kind of shit too.

Paid training, for even whimsical new technology, in fact, especially so.

Want to do agile, fine, hate it? fine, just find the team and project that does what you want.

What else am I missing?

Windows decides to download Creative update.
I restart the computer wait for the update to finish.
I see the login screen.
I log in, then windows says:
"Hi, we have an update for you this might take a few minutes!"

What the serious fuck windows? Did you need me to login so that you can waste more of my time?

Is 'Ranting' considered as a skill?

Appointments, gym, grocery shopping... Can't wait to be done so I can get home and code already.

Stop asking for a ++. The whole point of that is to give it unsolicited, otherwise it devalues what ++ means for everyone else. I earn my ++'s.

And no I don't have change for coffee!

Programmingpolice. Com

Question to all you web developers out there: how do you survive long term in this job without going nuts? I have been working in this industry for almost 7 years and feelings of frustration have accumulated, to the point where I honestly feel like laying g bricks as a job would be more rewarding. Here are the main reasons why:

1) The fact that your job is never "finished" and it looks like and endless stream of tasks. Either the project has money being rolled in or is pretty much dead. Ever changing requirements ensure that most of what you do will be rewritten in 6 months or so. This is ok for the most part, but overtime it does give you the feeling that most of your effort was wasted, and you have the same website/app to show for it, slightly different...

2) The never ending churn of tech, particularly in the Javascript/node ecosystem. Sure, there is a good side of learning new approaches of doing things and it brings variety, but there is the dark side that you never feel you are getting better at doing your job, as every new project does not look anything like the previous. Even if all the stack pieces are the same (never happens), everyone sets it up and organises the project differently enough that you have to spend loads of time solving things you have done before. This makes it difficult to get a sense that you are mastering something...

So, if autonomy, purpose, and mastery are the keys to fulfilling work, I find this career lacking in mastery and purpose...does anyone feels/felt the same? How did you counter it?

A bit of backstory...

I have been the sole dev at my organization for awhile now (other two left for other jobs), so I have been maintaing and writing new code to support the business.

Our company was recently acquired by a larger entity and it has been very strange so far.

1. It has taken 5 weeks to acquire local admin rights on my own machine (I work remote) as well as a visual studio license.

2. We have known for a few weeks now we are getting a jr dev who will need the SAME procedures done on his machine/account and it has been two weeks now and nothing has been done. (Tickets have been put it - the issues have been escalated etc etc)

3. All of our code from our old company is in Azure Devops (which is connected to Azure AD) for some reason I haven't been able to add an external account (for my new account and org) to move the code elsewhere. I don't have the authority (I don't think) to place all of our code in a new location (GitHub,GitLab, self hosted solutions, etc)

4. All of our production VMs are billed through our old org located in Azure, so eventually that bill will stop being paid since we transitioned - I've brought this up to my manager (more non technical) who wasn't terribly worried about it.

5. I'm feeling slightly unfulfilled in this position. Earlier in my time here it was new and exciting, but there isn't much direction, not many goals, or interesting problems to solve.

Just wanted to express some issues that had been going on. Feel free to add ant feedback of suggestions 😄

On any given morning, when I"m not quite sure what to tackle first.... there's always:

sudo apt update

Ahh, now I feel like I did something.

"dude! are you hacking!?"

shutup, haven't had coffee yet.

'sup

alias sup='sudo apt update && sudo apt upgrade -y'

alias bitchplz='sudo dpkg --configure -a'

devRant broke the 50000 rant barrier... that's a lot of bitchin'!

Keep on ranting!!!

Ranting and gaming can reduce tension 🤣

I found these notes from myself 6 months ago to my future self:

// may delete this, now it's in join profile
require('./configure/auto-confirm.js');

// may delete this, now it's in join profile
require('./wso/wso-email-ad-form.js');

I don't trust it. Not deleting.

Ranting apple :/ Thanks for bling bling @dfox

Took me 9 hours to write what ended up being a 10 line function to sort messages and replies in the proper order.

I at least knew it would employ recursion, but goddamn... 9 hours.

Fuck sakes

<!-- Dear future me: I swear to god, if you play with this, I will claw out your eyeballs and eat them for lunch. You've been warned. -->

</div>

I don't mind indirect ranting but..

Social media has made so many fucking stupid people famous, I don't see any advantages of all these platforms!
And while writing here this, I am also being somewhat hypocrite!

"Likes","retweets", ++", fucking kerma...all are creating much of the fucking trouble already!

(Excluding /r/aww)

*ranting around saying fml*
ya know, you can't say FML without actually having a life

ranting at a wedding 😅

Ranting ranter ranted a rant on ranting ranter ranting

HEY!
JAVASCRIPT!
I wasted 3 hours on your this. self. null, undefined, + asynch functions, bullshit "features"...

AGAIN...

and your taking 8 seconds to compile and test each wild guess that I make until I finally console.log every single fucking variable in order to make sense of it all

so, as usual, FUCK YOU

Things that seem "simple" but end up taking a long ass time to actually deploy into production:

1. Using a new payment processor:

"It's just a simple API, I'll be done in 2 hours"

LOL sure it is, but testing orders and setting up a sandbox or making sure you have credentials right, and then switching from test to life and retesting, and then... fuck

2. Making changes to admin stats.

"'I just have to add this column and remove that one... maybe like a couple of hours"

YOU WISH

3. Anything Javascript

"Hah, what, that's like a button, np"

125 minutes later...

console.log('before foo');
console.log(this.foo)
etc..

Axioms of writing software for your own business
(or working on your own projects that actually have to get produced in the real world)

Axiom #37: It is always a lot more fun to start something new, then to finish the thing that *was* new and exciting when you last tried to finish a thing.

Front-end programmers work on all the snazzy Javascript that you may not be aware you rely on so much when killing time on StumbleUpon.

On the -2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

offfffline servers,
NO notifications,
one, lousy fucking dayyyyyy
(... on the first day back to workkkkkkk..innnggg...)

Database corrup-ted,
users' fucking pissed....
and a partridge in a pear tree!

$merryXmas[-1]

fuck sakes

sometimes I feel like debugging is really just next level spell checking

took an hour to find my egg

!rant
wk99 topic is so good that I'm seeing quality content on devRant everywhere. So many ++s to give!

I'm curious..

When does programming suck for you, and when is it fun?

Like I hate programming, when I run into an obscure use case that opens up some serious errors with my some, or gasp, all, of my architecture and forces me to rethink everything - especially DB design, ugh.

I love programming when my architecture and DB design create naturally readable code and everything falls into place and I feel like a genius.

I guess, in short.... plan before you code?

And then, plan again.

But don't plan too much.

The love/hate of my programming life summed up right there I think.

How about you?

Ranting about Facebook and using Instagram. Wow...

From now on I decree that we should all call programming languages her. We should use the pronoun her like you would use for a boat.

"Aye she's a fine lass indeed sir, able to handle scale with grace and charm.."

Also, to speak with a Scottish accent.

I have hereby decreed it, it shall be so.

nothing to rant about today

Helping grandma with her computer, feeling good about myself, proud of her for learning to use a computer atage 84 !

Oh wait. You use internet explorer? You hate chrome? How can you hate chrome you know nothing about comput.....

Ah shit. Sorry grandma.. just.. use chrome

In my heart of hearts, I am a linux user.

In real life, I use Windows and WSL.

yaay!!! my devrant stickers just arrived. Happy Ranting!

Why Gmail. Why the fuck do your search parameters, especially your date filters, not work anywhere near as expected.

You make me have to query and test, query and test, just, randomly fucking guessing because, fuck it, right?

With a good 10 second refresh time. I love twiddling my thumbs and pulling my hair out.

after:2018/11/1 should produce emails from Nov 1st onward.

Not, TODAY ONLY, if no other parameters are
specified.

If there's a from: parameter, now we want to do after Nov 1st, right?

And also, don't show me how to sort in reverse order, either. Not without a complete rewrite of my class there, which clearly I'm too lazy to do right now.

Fuck the Gmail Api, responsible for weeks of wasted dev time... or more aptly put, "fuck devs using our gmail api" says the maniacal, sociopath devils that created it

fuckers.

oh hell no

This morning's git explanation, and I quote:

"lalala... lala... lalala"

Someone got laid I think.

Non-techie friend: Does Blu-ray Compact disc will be blue in color or contains blue films ( In India we use blue films to refer porn movies ) ?

Me: :/

Is there any other software more fucking bloated than Skype? Fuck you Skype, for constantly freezing everytime I start chatting, making me take my precious hands off my precious keyboard and use the fucking...... __mouse__ to fucking click into the text box, THEN start chatting. EVERY FUCKING TIME. Whoever is working on that team, please get your head out of your ass and fix the laggy bullshit you've created. Thank you.

🎼Up and down
🎶 And all the way around
🎶 Crossentropy is a bitch
🎶 Epoch and loss are still the same
🎵

Edit: I left this rant open for half an hour. Finally figured that I should do one hot encoding and labeling doesn't exactly work out the way I was hoping it works out.

But hey, half an hour ago I was angry and desperate. So... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

every fucking time I use Javascript.
(yes, I'm no expert, but I can pick up ANY LANGUAGE and do this task in FIVE FUCKING MINUTES, NOT AN HOUR!!! FUCK!)

"Gee, I think this button should probably list the total recipients of the mailing, looks like I have to get the total of a column in an object, no problem, hell, i'll do it frontside just for the fuck of it'

yeah, seemed like a good idea.. AN HOUR AGO

ARRRGGGH

fucking javascript scope can take a flying leap off of a tall building, and then NOT FALL to the fucking ground because it will fucking tell me that OOPS gravity doesn't exist for javascript!
UNCAUGHT REFERENCE ERROR
right?
FUCK YOU
die from gravity like you deserve motherfucker

Random Tip (since ppl don't seem to know)

Dark Reader chrome extension
turns everything to dark theme
works on devrant too, although their native dt is better

not sure about firefox

As an "OOP Programmer" you have one job to do:

Kill all the if statements.

Sometimes with fire.

I need to delay execution of code in a for loop, how do I do that?

PHP: Sleep(3000)

Javascript:
const waitFor = (ms) => new Promise(r => setTimeout(r, ms))
const asyncForEach = (array, callback) => {
for (let index = 0; index < array.length; index++) {
await callback(array[index], index, array)
}
}

const start = async () => {
await asyncForEach([1, 2, 3], async (num) => {
await waitFor(50)
console.log(num)
})
console.log('Done')
}

start()

Fuck you Javascript

I'm writing a book that teaches everything I have learned in the past 20 years about writing small niche software and selling it.

Need some help from my fellow DevRanters.
Anyone who comments here with something constructive gets a free copy when it's done.

When I say:
"Why don't you just write your own software and sell it to end users"

What is the first thing that pops into your head?

Is it "I don't know how to advertise"
or
"that's a pipe dream"
or
"I tried starting my own business, but _______"
or
"I am doing that, i have this side project "
(how long have you spent on that side project?)

I need to know all your concerns questions fears, skepticism etc around the idea of writing your OWN software.

After 20 years I have like, so much knowledge, but it's sometimes hard to get it all out, UNLESS someone has a question or concern, then, out it comes.

So, I'm going to (hopefully) collect all the questions here ... and answer them, and it'll help me out a lot to extract this knowledge.

A lot of stuff I do without even thinking and realizing all the years it took to even know that.

What would you like to know the most?

You have the skills, you have the know how, you can probably see it in your head, so what's stopping you from making the leap?

Is there anything that brings more self-shame, then having to create break points by echoing out the current state of variables every second line or so in order to understand your bug?

Or is that just something you can't avoid sometimes...

I think it means there's something wrong on a high level with your code if you have to squeak out like that.

Yeah. squeaking sucks.

example of my commenting on bugs to fix later

Before I found devrant:

//1-3-18
//when user goes to send mailing for first time
//we need to remove the message from admin
//which only displays on first time login, but
//may block the data we are looking for
// then return to parent

After DevRant:

//9-8-18
//when user goes to send mailing for first time
//there's a fucking stupid message that they
//have to read once which blocks the data we need
//so, goutte click that shit, then return to parent

Is there a Developers' Manifesto? Like Agile Manifesto?

If not let's start one here, I'll start:

-We should not be working outside work hours except for exceptional cases, hours != 24/7 && exceptional != 7 days a week
-Death to last minute changes!
-Everyone needs to understand Murphy's Law, it's real!

Finally they're here!

Thank you very much and happy ranting!

So, today in the office we all decided chipotle for lunch. We create the team order and sent it out to the entire office.

First thing we noticed: online ordering looks really good and has finally been updated.
Second thing we noticed: it never got tested and it doesn't work

Result: 7 angry developers who just wanted some burrito bowls start emailing chipotle tech support

What was/is your favourite learning experience?
The best teacher (besides google) for your language of choice?

Was it a book? a video series? an instructor? A person? A mentor? Your cat? Maybe dissecting someone else's code...?

Mine is laracasts.com You're welcome Jeffrey.

I see lots of ranting about bosses or team members.

My boss values me a lot and my team is open to discussing amd value my opinion.

What the fuck to I rant about? fml

one fucking day of coding

[master bf2b7e5] implement scheduler that process next lbmm every few minutes
29 files changed, 3741 insertions(+), 841 deletions(-)

fuck ya

and its all cleaner than a... uh, something that's really clean

Well, so I finally got 200 ++s, and now I can finally...
Wear vests! Uh... so that's cool... XD

Anyway, I just wanted to thank everybody for being such a good sport, around here... I've not been here for a long time, but I already feel like a part of a big family, of developers (and, why not, also non-developers...), and that makes me so happy.
In the end, devRant is like one of those rubber ducks developers use to tell things, I guess, lol.
It's just that. devRant is a rubber duck.
And every one of us is making that rubber duck bigger, and bigger, into something so unique and cool...
Something you can talk to (or rant to, I guess haha), something you can express all of your feelings to...
And inside of that rubber duckie there are... all of us. Hearing these rants from developers all around the world.
In the end it's really the community the most important part of... every thing or project, really, whatever it is, online or offline.
Keep on ranting about whatever you want, if you feel the need to...
I hope to hear more about all of you.
Thank you, all of you. I mean it.
Especially you two, who made it possible, @dfox and @trogus.
...devRant is such a cool project.
I sincerely hope it lives forever, it deserves it. You deserve it.
Again, thank you!

I love you all, good devRanting! 💙

Yo guys, all the ranting aside, I just wanted to remind you that you ALWAYS have a choice, that you should speak up when something bothers you for too long and that you should be aware about all your strengths and unique skills! Just as a reminder ✌️

Happy New Year to devRanters all over the globe! Looking forward to a great ranting 2017!

Speed programming contest

Is this a thing... it should be.
After years of practice
I can type and code very fast with in shortcut only style

It actually impressed a
Non techy girl

Yesterday, I put the final touches on a massive system using hundreds of classes, with thousands of lines of code, all easily maintained because of the way I used abstract classes, and coding to an interface, stubs, etc. And all instantiated with a near english fluent api. With detailed logging and even contacts me when there's problems, result of a year's work. I felt like a genius

Today, this fucking simple contact form that won't do what I want it to for the past 4 hours...

oh boy

this api capitalizes properties

...yayyyy

You know what feels good?

When you take a peek inside a class that you wrote 6 months ago that performs a vital, but complex function, that you've been using (and taking for granted) on a daily basis, and it's the first time you ever have to debug in there, and when you do, there was actually nothing you had to change and it was clear as fuck what it was doing.

That's a good feeling.

To clear a entire line kids use backspace Legends use ctrl+x.

My Programming Ambition.
To empower aspiring programming entrepreneurs with the idea that they can use their highly coveted skills to achieve whatever ambitions they have. To show them why they don't have to settle for the industry standard right now, which is low pay, poor conditions, hyper competition and lack of appreciation. To help them understand that with what they know, they can literally create any career that they want.

Company A: Oh yes we work with this huge tech company all the time and our APIs are just amazingly well made! DONT WORRY!

Company B: Yeah we've worked together once or twice and nothing seemed to go wrong the last time. DONT WORRY!

Reality: 11 API warnings, no data transfer and a SQL error meaning nothing I've been working on actually worked. #Rantover

Drugs and coding.

Anybody?

I'll go first. Yes.

When you sign up for an email/api service and the confirmation email they send you goes to the spam folder....

not a good look

When you start ranting about people commenting on DevRant's rants..

That ranting feeling when Silicon Valley is over.

When I first started reading about Angular 4 I must admit I was a bit excited. It seemed like it fit the company enterprise requirements. The improvements it offered on paper looked quite good for our use case. HOWEVER... After writing Angular 4 for two weeks I'm seriously doubting I made the right decision. Testing is a dependency hell and there are two ways to build and structure your application. The webpack way and the SystemJS way. The grunt way and the angular-cli way. For fuck sake Google. And the documentation is somewhat half supporting one thing, half supporting another. So when you're using angular-cli with webpack, you're pretty much screwed when we're talking about documentation. It has now taken me almost 50 hours to write a pretty basic Angular app, made it compliant with our staging environment and writing a Makefile for it, since I haven't been able to find any same way to provide custom arguments when building it with the angular-cli --aot option. So fuck you Google. Luckily I've found a way to modularize it so much that I'll be able to reuse the core in the future. So I guess I got that thing going for me, which is nice... -.-' *sigh*

Ealier this day, I succesfully guided my young sister over the phone to change the boot order 🙌 (pc wouldn't boot).
Just to find out that she couldn't remember the password 😐

We are 3-4 days away from deployment to production. We are still bug fixing. But one coworkers decided this is the time to make a fuss about the way everything is set up. He doesn't like the dev database. So he knocks it over.. and while so doing it, he doesn't inform the team. And when I ask if something else is gonna knock over? No answer! (And something broke down too..)
Now we have issues to test our bugfixes. The whole thing took me half a day finding out and made me distracted with frustration, and not just for me. Most bugs could've been done in that half a day!
I so wanna punch the guy xD but no, I gotta save face, pfff!

Biggest annoyance of JS? PHP fanboys that keep ranting about it

-----------Jr Dev Fucked by Sr Dev RANT------

Huge data set (300X) that looks like this :
( Primary_key, group_id,100more columns) .

Dataset to be split in records of X sized files such that all primary_key(s) of same group_id has to go in same file.

Sde2 with MS from Australia, 12 years of 'experience' generates an 'algo'. 70% Test case FAILED.

I write a bin packing algo with 100% test case pass, raises pull request to MASTER in < 1 day. Same sde2 does not approve, blocking same day release.

|-_-| What the fuck |-_-| Incompetent people getting 2x my salary with <.5x my work

Relationship between ranting and productivity.

When productivity increases, ranting increases as you are dealing with a lot of shit. So ranting is actually beneficial to high productivity.

When productivity decreases below zero because you have a lot of fucking problems, your ranting also increases sharply.

The only peace zone is with moderate, positive or negative, productivity and low ranting, i.e when you are not doing much

Why in the fuck is it so hard to see buttons when kb selecting with tab in a browser? It's like:

"Tab....Tab.....Tab Tab Tab... oops, went too far,
Shift + Tab, Shift + Tab.... fuck!, too far left.. wait, is that button actually highlighted, oh it is too, wtf."

It's 2019, why is this still a thing?

I don't know what's wrong with me this morning. I started refactoring, and I know I'm overdoing it. I can't stop myself. I'm stuck fiddling over it like a meth head scratching his skin.

Please stop me. I'm hurting the code.

Here's my new function:

/**
* Output Debugging information and Die
*
* @return hopefully
*/
public function odd()
{
//stuff here
}

Hopefully, you don't have to ODD too much when you write code... like I have to do right now

fuck sakes

True Story

I just finished a project, it was a rewrite, the original used the zend framework about 7 years ago. It took a team of programmers (I think 4) to code the site, and it took them about a month.

Just me, and Laravel, took me 3 weeks to do the exact same thing. Ok, I didn't have to create any content, so I'll give them that, still, there wasn't much to create.

Should I be applauding my genius? Or, Laravel's magic?

I'll say... both.

YES!

Finished a complete version upgrade with vastly improved scalability and maintenance in just 3 weeks!

NO!

I forgot to do the database migrations as I went along. Ok... no problem.. I'll just use some kind of database comparing software, I'm sure they exist...

<googles...>

...fuck... is there not any for free?

Ok fine whatever i'll manually compare the tables and columns, fuck it. Sure there's like 50 tables and like 20 columns per... whatever...
should take like a day or so, with testing...

YES!

Finished my new version upgrade after just 6 weeks of coding!

....fuck sakes...

Seriously though.

Why use Arch. It sounds like headaches.

What is the benefit. Like, I used to have fun with
tweaking systems and so forth, until it became
not so fun when I had to actually do it to make
money, like server admin on my websites.

From the sounds of it, setting it up takes hours, none of the packages are quite ready, it takes google research and troubleshooting for common tasks, etc.

Why not say, Ubuntu, kde? Or whatever.

Microsoft Windows: this application has stopped working: Microsoft Windows

omg it's a fucking ERROR PARADOX

Failed Jobs table is 16 mb

You're fired.

Reading IE rants on here and I'm confused.

If a client/boss asks to have something work in ie 8, for example, why can't you just say...

No.

"No, it'll waste a hundred hours in Dev time, costing you at least 5 grand or more. please have your users upgrade to the latest browser, it takes them five minutes."

Or am I just naive

Just... Why can't you say that.

Have you ever worked in a team that actually did everything right?

I have never seen anyone talk about a team in which things got done.

I'm a solo coder, so, don't really know either way. Sounds like mostly, teams are a mess b/c they aren't done right for the most part?

I dont know actually, but seems that way.

coding for stressball 😀
ranting for stickers 😄

Tabs, or No Tabs? I did the same as this commentor 2 years ago. I can code so quick now because of this simple switch. Here's why:

(source, Laracasts.com)

Ben Smith
"I think the most beneficial tip was to do away with tabs. Although it took a while to get used to and on many occasions in the first few days I almost switched them back on, it has done wonders for my workflow.

I find it keeps my brain more engaged with the task at hand due to keeping the editor (and my mind) clutter free. Before when I had to refer to a class, I would have opened it in a new tab and then I might have left it open to make it easier to get to again. This would quickly result in a bar full of tabs and navigation around the editor would become slow and my brain would get bogged down keeping track of what was open and which tab it was in. With the removal of the tab bar I'm now able to keep only the key information in my mind and with the ability to quickly switch between recently opened files, I find I haven't lost any of the speed which I initially thought I might.

In fact this is something I have noticed in all areas of writing code, the more proficient I have become with an editor the better the code I have been writing. Any time spent actually writing your code is time in which your brain is disconnected from the problem you are trying to solve. The quicker you are able to implement your ideas in code, the smaller the disconnect becomes. For example, I have recently been learning how to do unit testing and to do so I have been rewriting an old project with tests included. The ability to so quickly refactor has meant that whereas before I might have taken 30 seconds shuffling code around, now I can spend maybe 5 seconds allowing my mind to focus much better on how best to refactor, not on the actual process of doing so."

jeff_way Mod
"Yeah - it takes a little while to get used to the idea of having no tabs. But, I wouldn't go back at this point. It's all about forcing yourself into a faster workflow. If you keep the tabs and the sidebar open, you won't use the keyboard."

I use fucking GoDaddy to manage my domains, just cause, whatever, who cares, right, it's a domain manager, they do have great support.

But everytime I login and try to find a domain, it's like 8 clicks and they try to push their website builder in your face and all kinds of shit.

Can I get a recommendation from a trusted devranter? I want to switch.

I use forge if that matters...

thanks.

fuck!

When your hard drive crashes, and the most annoying thing you forgot to save is the color/syntax theme on your favourite editor.

(I'm canadian... favourite, not favorite, shutup red squiggly)

fuck!

45 minutes scrolling between color schemes in sublme.. none of them seem right.

Maybe it's monokai? I think...
or was it oceanic

FUCk!

oh well at least it looks like I'm working.

Two days into the new year and you got made redundant after working there!
Yeah cheers for that! Could done it last year.

Guess it's back to apply for jobs.
/rantover

If your customer service is so bad that people talk about trying to use the occult to get in touch with you, your company is shit.

Dev related cause I only want to talk to the customer service because the api docs are that fucking bad.

Myself.

Although I've never had another boss...

How many devranters have you followed on here? I add a few every day... Must be at like 300 or so by now. I

It would be a 1000 if I could follow on desktop version. Love hearing from you all.

And I don't usually say that shit to people.

I just feel like Ranting out

I know nothing about this.
Let's say your computer is on all night, and then you hit it in the morning, just re-activating all your windows... for me, it's always like a 10 minute wait until it "catches up".

I realized this morning, like, why doesn't it optimize itself while I'm away, so that when i do come back, that 10 min wait doesn't happen.

I'm sure they have thought of this, so why does it take so fucking long to wake up your computer.

I'm a php developer

I don't like
If (something) {
//code here
}

I like
if (something)
{
//code here
}

Sorry.

EDIT:

However, in javascript, I'm fine with the first example. I may need professional help.

Monday Feelings

When you arrive to work and remember you have to work with Windows and you are a linux lover.

So i was working on an android app that communicate with restfull web service. I setup everything , started the web service api at localhost and launched the app on genymotion (virtual machine android) .Nothing seems to work . I checked the code , debugged some stuff and it turns out i couldn't communicate with the api server. I tested the api on my browser and nothing is wrong ,I tried to test on the phone vm browser and voila 404 not found . How the hell it's working on my windows and not on the vm (with localhost url :/ ) .I kept debugging for more then 3 hours with no solution to be found .
The moment I realised wtf I'm doing and how stupid I was => shut down my laptop went to coffee shop and bought a lifeless dark espresso .

In case you didn't understand what the issue is, I was running the api on my windows localhost and testing it with same url on my android vm (I should've changed localhost with my machine IP )

Not feeling like ranting alot
Tho I have lots to rantabout

What is wrong with me

On a shitty day where your brain doesn't work, have you ever looked at some code you wrote, and actually get intimidated by whatever version of you wrote that? After stumbling around most of the day, read some beautiful code, I admired it, then realized, holy shit, I wrote this?

"Yeah, I don't know who that was, it looks great, how the fuck did I do that, and will I ever be able to do it again"

Like, I don't think I can, definitely not today, write anything even close to that.

bleh.

I’m currently a trucker and can’t get my shit together, studied html css JavaScript Xcode and Python... Now I’m watching electronics and automation videos.. I’m losing my shit idk what needs to be done I’m worst than a 3 year old kid.. Losing my Shit I love learning but I’m stuck.. Stuck? I don’t even know why I feel stuck.. Idk what I should study and focus please help, trying to leave the trucking industry..

CLEARLY! ...

I'm drunk.

//motherfucking populate the mailings table yo
Route::get('fuckman', function () {
$statuses = array('queued', 'sent', 'failure');
$statusKey = rand(0,2);
$mailings=App\Models\Mailing::all();

foreach($mailings as $mailing){
$mailing->status=$statuses[$statusKey];
$mailing->save();
}

return 'fuckyou';

});

I want to start a rant thread, imagine yourself living in Syria, or south Africa, or a gang run neighbourhood in South America... What would your rant be..

FUCK

the well where we get our water just got shat on by the Town drunk

Now I have to walk 5 km instead of 2.. My kid sister needs water today or she might die...

.. And! Siri just gave me the wrong fucking directions

FUCK apple

(Not real apples, cuz.. I'm hungry)

nested ternary operators

like/dislike?

I used to hate them cuz I would have to break them apart just to understand them, but now I use ternary operators so much, nesting at least one level is ok for me.

but i'm the only person that reads my code, what's the concensus.. nesting one level bad?

I wouldn't want someone reviewing my code if they couldn't wrap their head around a simple ternary, so if only myself or people more experienced than myself will ever read them, then fuck it, i'm using them

When ranting just isn't enough....

fuck javascript

took me an hour, but I finally figured out why the date was so wack

can you?

admittedly not strong in js, cuz I hate it