I really do hope this guy finds his bagel.

I feel like there's an over saturation of dev sites talking about "tutorial this" and "best practice that". Would be refreshing to have developers just talk about their grind and not so much their showing off of what they just learned from Stack.....oh wait a minute!! Must be how this devRant came to be! Hmmm....fuck me, epiphany. Who knew?

//rant

So I'm a BI consultant, been doing this for about 6 years now, and I'm pretty good at the data stuffs. Now I had to complete a project for a client where we call a web service and it had to be done in .NET. I wrote a console app in C# that called the WS, dumped the data then a stored proc processed the staging tables into final tables that our visualization tool can consume.

It works, it's done.

Mind you I'm not a pure .NET developer.

And now that it's completed and working this fucking .NET dude that works for my client is basically giving me an attitude talking about "why wasn't it done as a Windows service? Blah, blah" Like WTF!!??? I get that he's the C# BSD but like chill bruh!!

It's annoying as fuck having to work on projects that are not your area of EXPERTISE and then be ridiculed by other elitist assholes about it.

Doesn't happen much, but fuck it's something I hate about dev. FYI, if it was the opposite I would just be asking questions for understanding, not being a sarcastic prick.

//rant done

Making sure all the .NET development fuck nuts design a good enough system, where we don't have to wrestle, mangle and scrub the backend data like an aggressive crocodilian whore!

Setup Slack integration with SQL Server to feed realtime reports to channels....the company estimated this would take 1 week, I did it in 1 hour. Boom. Suck it.

Only way to stay sane as a developer reading emails:
1.) Open email
2.) Scan quickly for your name on the body of the massage
3.) If your name isn't mentioned, then close with joy.
4.) If your name is mentioned (FML), then read sort of....see what's the deal and if the email body doesn't end in a question mark, then close email and play dumb.
5.) Else, respond to the fucking email.

Focus on your strengths and not your weaknesses. Oh and wear one of those Polo Pullovers, that way you'll say "Hire me, because I'm that cool kinda sexy but douchey as fuck developer you guys need in your life". That should get the job done or job gotten.

What it's like being a data architect working with clients and their staff:
https://youtube.com/watch/...

Redgate and Spotify.

No matter how logically clean and simple your SQL code is, test your data....TEST YOUR DATA.

An example of today's generation:
My little cousin 22 years old wants to get into BI Dev. I tell him to read a certain book. The book has practice examples and various things that are hands on.

What does he do?
He READS the book and is like, "ask me any question and I know the answer". So I'm like, "fine, what's the structure of a basic SQL statement?", after some hard thought he's like, "SELECT * FROM?" I'm like, "ok.....how would you filter that?" and he's like, "you got me man........no clue".

What didn't he do?
Practice.

I mean.........come on.

Porn.

That moment when my boss and I were having a conversation (2 weeks into my new job) and she tells me her daughters name is "Amber" and I jump up with, "oh snap!! That's my dogs name too!!" 😑

Daily scrum is fucking OVERKILL.

I got into dev during the AOL 2.5 days where everyone was creating proggies and punters. I was obsessed with the AOL API designed for Visual Basic (VB4 at the time).

So essentially I got into dev to break shit and make peoples lives miserable. Good times.

Random keyboard suggestion post (start with coding, use center suggestion):
"Coding and a woman of a business location is for the first place and the woman who says the only way she can do it was a woman that has a lot to say to you have to do it with the girls that have a lot to say to the people that are not going on a break with the other girls"

Makes sense.

"So.....I see that you're a strong SQL guy.....and this is a data role BUT can you help us clear out our web backlog?"

Go #temptable happy

Co-worker that is non-tech oriented:
"So what do BI developers do?"

Me:
"Well...." start simple then get uber complicated.

Co-worker:
"Oh ok cool. Well my LAN isn't working, can you help me?"

Client doesn't have space for us consultants at his office anymore....guess we're going to HAVE TO work from home! Jeeeeeez......how horrible is that!? ..... 🤠

Dev frustrations that almost made you quit on the spot.

Got hired as an SSRS engineer. Walked into work day 1 thinking I was a bad ass with my SQL joes2pros knowledge and quickly (and i mean quickly) got smacked down with what real SQL procs look like........should've renamed my title to SSRS reverse-engineer. Good times.

I know it's still EARLY, but I'm going to be my devRant avatar for Halloween.

By doing challenging shit.

They made the Web Manager the BI Manager......I almost quit.....and then I did.

April 23rd baby!!!!!

STRING_SPLIT for the mother fucking WIN!!!

So I had a thought this morning while brushing my teeth.....maybe I should change my devRant avatars clothes every day? That way it looks like a real person and stuffs......then it HIT me suddenly.....I'm a fucking loser.

Stunned that so many devs STILL don't know about Slack!???? Blows my mind.

I worked at a place where the help desk guys did the good ol' "I'll send an email from your laptop if you walk away without locking it and tell everyone lunch is on you" routine. After it happened to me about 3 times I was like, "I gotta get this help desk prick back!" So after several failed attempts at walking by his pc when he walked away it instantly hit me how I can punk him back.....SO, I logged onto SQL Server, clicked open a new query window and typed up a dbmail command and on the @from parameter I set it to the help desk guy's email address. His face was PRICELESS when I was shooting off emails to the entire IT dept on behalf of him WHILE he was sitting in front of his PC. Lesson is: don't fuck with dev help desk dude! 😎😜