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Search - "helpdesk"
Some empty-headed helpdesk girl skipped into our office yesterday afternoon, despite the big scary warning signs glued to the door.
"Hey, when I log in on my phone, the menu is looking weird"
"Uh... look at my beard"
"Just look at this beard!"
"Does this look like a perfectly groomed beard"
"Uh... it's pretty nice I guess"
"You don't have to lie"
She looks puzzled: "OK... maybe it could use a little trimming. Uh... a lot of trimming". "I still like it though" she adds, trying hard to be polite.
"I understand you just started working here. But the beard... the beard should make it clear. See the office opposite to this one?"
"Perfectly groomed ginger beards. It's all stylish shawls and smiles and spinach smoothies. Those people are known as frontend developers, they care about pixels and menus. Now look at my beard. It is dark and wild, it has some gray stress hairs, and if you take a deep breath it smells like dust and cognac mixed with the tears caused by failed deploys. Nothing personal, but I don't give a fuck what a menu looks like on your phone."
She looked around, and noticed the other 2 tired looking guys with unshaven hobo chins. To her credit, she pointed at the woman in the corner: "What about her, she doesn't seem to have a beard"
Yulia, 1.9m long muscled database admin from Ukraine, lets out a heavy sigh. "I do not know you well enough yet to show you where I grow my unkempt graying hairs... . Now get lost divchyna."
Helpdesk girl leaves the scene.
Joanna, machine learning dev, walks in: "I saw a confused blonde lost in the hallway, did you give her the beard speech?"
"Yeah" -- couldn't hold back a giggle -- "haha now she'll come to you"
Joanna: "No I already took care of it"
"She started about some stupid menu, so I just told her to smell my cup". Joanna, functional alcoholic, is holding her 4pm Irish coffee. "I think this living up to our stereotype tactic is working, because the girl laughed and nodded like she understood, and ran off to the design department"
Me: "I do miss shaving though"71
Confession: I am not a dev, I actually work on an IT helpdesk telling people how to turn on their PC's everyday.
It's soul destroying!!
My boyfriend is an Apple dev though, and I only joined DevRant to see if it would help me understand what he talks about 24/7...
I have very basic coding knowledge but still find this all so fascinating!
You guys are so smart, and can literally create anything in the blink of an eye.
Why are you guys generally so very under appreciated??
You also have a fantastic sense of humour! Haven't laughed at so many nerd-jokes in years!
Loving DevRant so far!
Keep up the great work! :)32
"Turn it off and on again."
Great for Wi-Fi routers and office appliances.
Life support, not so much.10
Management: "We have a Team Building session next week"
Colleague A: "Paintballing"
Colleague B: "Go-Karting"
On the day: "Welcome. Today we will be playing an IT Helpdesk Role Playing Game"
First Helpdesk call of the day:
"My PC has been stuck on the same thing for an hour now. Its completely crashed."
"Does pressing ctrl alt delete do anything?"
"Where's that button?"
"Its 3 buttons - ctrl in the bottom left, alt beside the spacebar and delete over near the arrow keys. Press them all at the same time. Does it do anything?"
"Okay then, you need to manually power off the laptop then."
"How do i do that?"
"Hold down the power button"
"....on your laptop?! It's how you turn it on in the mornings?"
*60 seconds go by* "oh i see it. Ok i pressed it! Its Flashing blue now."
"Oh, no, just hold it down until everything goes black."
"The power button?"
"But that would turn off the entire PC?"
"Why do i have to do that?"
God help me if this is how my day is going to be 😢12
More than half of all support calls and tickets we get are so fucking easily searchable through our own fucking website and search engines, it's really fucking annoying sometimes.
"how do I redirect a site?"
Type the fucking word redirect into our helpdesk page.
"how can i reset my email password?"
Literally fucking type the word EMAIL into fucking search bar?!
"hey the article said to go to yourdomain.com/webmail, I'm not getting anything!!!"
"what domain did you use?"
"yourdomain.com of course!"
"how can I add a domain to my hosting?"
Search for the FUCKING word DOMAIN on our online helpdesk.
IT'S REALLY NOT THAT HARD, PLEASE APPLY COMMON SENSE AND USE YOUR FUCKING BRAIN.18
Office Building : 1
Number of PC users: 5000
No of Spare mice: 0
Training period commences.
My mouse laser sensor doesn't work.
Solution: Use this mouse to log in to your system.
Open the company portal.
Connect to vpn.
Enter username password.
Create a ticket for mouse replacement.
I bring my own mouse.
Confiscated at security.
Becomes a security violation.
I get a call from helpdesk.
Agent- what is the problem?
Me- my mouse is not working.
Me- what do you mean? Something is wrong with the sensor.
Agent- clean the sensor.
Marks ticket as resolved.
Me- WTF just happened!
Naturally, I escalate the issue.
Level 2 Agent- what happened? Why have you escalated the issue?
Me- I need a mouse, waiting since 2 weeks.
Him- No mouse is available
Me- you don't have a single spare mouse available in an office with 5000 PC users?
Him- no they're out of stock.
Me- when will it be back in stock?
Him- we will 'soon' launch a tender for quotations from sellers.
Him- 1 week.
I email the head of supplies for the city office. Next day I get a used super small mouse, which doesn't have a left button. Anyways, I've given up hope now.
I become a master at keyboard shortcuts.
Finish my training.
Get transferred to another city.
No mouse till date.
Surprisingly, this was one of the top recruiters in my country. Never knew, MNCs can be so so inefficient for such simple tasks.
Start-ups are way better in this regard. Latest tech, small community, minimal bureaucracy and a lot of respect and things to learn.15
Someones keyboard just stopped working in my job.
They called the helpdesk and i told them to unplug the keyboard from the back of the PC and try a different usb port before i send them down a new keyboard.
‘How am i meant to do that? I mean... *laughs* I didn’t go to college for this kind of stuff. I know you did but you need to explain it in English for me instead of using technical terms.’
So i had to describe what a USB looks like, and tell her how to follow the (only) skinny black cable she has on her desk, down the back of the desk and into the PC. She got overwhelmed by this cable being the same colour as the thicker VGA cable, so ended up unplugging everything!
Its fine though, as when she plugged them all back in, everything was back working.
She finished the call by saying:
“Like, i know how to use a computer but I just don’t understand all this technical mumbo jumbo, like USB’s and stuff? How should i know about that?”
I sincerely think interviews need to have just 5 minutes dedicated to the person showing that they know what a bloody USB is!!, can turn on/off a PC, open outlook, and follow basic instructions.
Ugh I work with idiots 😢19
I genuinely am lost for words on this one.
I just asked a user to press the wifi button on their laptop so i can check their wired connection was up and running okay.
They couldn’t find the blue ‘Fn’ or ‘aerial’ symbol that i described, so sent me this picture to see if they were pressing the right button.
What is wrong with you?? Seriously???
Working on a helpdesk is destroying my soul!!7
TL;DR: I resigned from my full-remote job and I came back to the old office.
Some months ago I celebrated the achievement of a full-remote position.
I was tired of driving every day to reach the office (especially in summer, because I had an old car without air conditioner). Moreover I did many different things (full-stack development, system administration, DBA, helpdesk) without a well-defined task list, and I thought that was bad. Everybody on the Internet seems happy to work remotely, and being an introvert I thought I would have no problem.
However I ignored 2 things when I left:
1. I was doing something that was important to me (my software helped scientists);
2. everybody loved me.
So, I started my new remote job as a back-end developer, for a company following the Scrum methodology.
My days became very monotonous: wake up, write some code, move a ticket on the Jira board, clean the house, go to bed. All in pajamas. Repeat.
I had very few interactions with my colleagues, mostly on Slack or audio-only calls. I never seen most of them. I didn't feel engaged in what I was working on. I did it just for the money.
After some months I started feeling very depressed and I realized that I left a job suited for me for a random job, just because it was a remote position.
So, one day I called my old boss: «Hey, would you like to have me back?»
I asked for a loan to buy a new car, then I send my resignation letter.
When I started again my first day I felt really touched, because basically everybody said to me: «Hey, welcome back! I'm happy you are here again.»
The guy that did some changes to my code also said: «It has been a pleasure to maintain your code. I learned a lot.»
😲 I didn't expect that.
Please, don't follow the myth that working remotely is all we need.12
Just a little bit of venting from me (written in GT for speed):
>apply for a programming job at a local company
>interviewer says that he's impressed with my resume and says that he'll call me
>one week later
>"hey anon, drop by our office, you're hired!"
>hot diggity damn!
>papers say that it's a help desk job
>"oh don't worry about it, it's just that we don't have a programming sector yet"
>wtf the job offer was for programmers but w/e a job is a job is a job
>start working there. Really mineal shit like fixing entries on SQL, resetting modems, etc.
>decide to write a couple of scripts for more mechanical tasks such as gathering .xml for the accountant
>everything is peaches and gravy
>one day the boss calls me into his office
>"hey anon, you're fired!"
>ask him why
>tells me my coworkers ratted me out on the scripts, says that I'm cheating on the job
>try to explain myself to him but he won't listen
>get fired after 4 months of being the most productive member of the team
That serves me right for trying to be good at my shitty ass job. Oh well.15
There's one kind of ticket I fucking love. Wait, YOU LOVE TICKETS?! No, except for one.
Tickets where people ask us to restore backups.
Why do I love them?
Because the only fucking thing I need to do is reply with a link to a helpdesk item on our website because backups aren't something within our support range because it's easy for customers to do.
So whenever a ticket about restoring a backup comes in, it's as easy as opening the ticket, pasting the link with "I'd like to refer you to the following resource: " and pressing fucking "reply"
I worked at a place where the help desk guys did the good ol' "I'll send an email from your laptop if you walk away without locking it and tell everyone lunch is on you" routine. After it happened to me about 3 times I was like, "I gotta get this help desk prick back!" So after several failed attempts at walking by his pc when he walked away it instantly hit me how I can punk him back.....SO, I logged onto SQL Server, clicked open a new query window and typed up a dbmail command and on the @from parameter I set it to the help desk guy's email address. His face was PRICELESS when I was shooting off emails to the entire IT dept on behalf of him WHILE he was sitting in front of his PC. Lesson is: don't fuck with dev help desk dude! 😎😜2
I work for my university's IT Helpdesk, I asked a customer what browser they were using and they said WiFi.... How do these people have six-figure jobs?!3
”OMG WE CAN’T GET INTERNET TO WORK! WE CAN’T DO ANYTHING! PLEASE COME AND HELP US ASAP!!!!!”
*rush over there, expecting the worst*
”So yeah, what’s the WiFi password again?”
Client hasn’t responded to my questions for over 2 weeks, so I close her ticket.
”Why the hell did you close the ticket!? The problem still exists!”
Sorry, I’m not a mind reader..3
User: Can you recover my files? I "rm -rf' my home drive.
Helpdesk: Uh... No.
User opens a Helpdesk ticket: "I accidentally erased my work and since my computer needs to be
re-formatted, I would like a newer, lighter 13" model. I wanted to switch
earlier but didn't because it is a hassle.
I need this urgently so I can start setting it up.
Helpdesk: (face palms) *he just wanted an upgrade2
This week I started a new job.
My role changed from "Full-stack-web-developer-sysadmin-DBA-helpdesk-strange-person-fixing-stuff-around" to "Back-end Developer".
Moreover, it's a full remote position (so difficult to find in Italy!), so:
1. I can wake up 1.5 hours later;
2. I don't have to waste anymore 2 hours every fucking day driving in traffic to reach the workplace;
3. I can use my fucking bathroom;
4. I can drink hot tea in August without being criticized. 😀
I'm fucking happy!13
It would be fun to answer "myself", but I'm a terrible boss.
As a freelancer you're also helpdesk, finance and marketing of your own little company, and I'm horrible at those things.
My current boss lets me boss myself within the company, while I still get to enjoy the luxuries of company life — completely shielded from annoying questions, with a stable predictable income.
I do believe that's the optimal structure: Hire people who can manage themselves, and have a drive to improve the company with minimal oversight.
Don't have true "bosses" at all, just some people who are good at bridging communication gaps between the islands of self-reliant teams.2
Someone just rang the IT Helpdesk moaning that outlook wasn't syncing his mail and it was because the brand new laptop he's just gotten is crap.
So first, the guy on the helpdesk asked to log into the users laptop to look at outlook.
He apparently isn't at his laptop and doesn't have time for anyone to log in!
So he rings back 10 mins later when at his laptop but wont let the helpdesk log in as he has 'confidential' documents open.
Wtf, close them, why are you ringing us to look at your laptop if you won't let us log on?? lol
So helpdesk was like ok, just check cat cable is plugged in, check wifi is off, do a send/receive etc. and the user's like yes, they're all okay!
Helpdesk tells him to reboot his pc. He does so.
Doesn't resolve it.
Skip forward another 10 painful minutes while the helpdesk guy is pulling his hair out checking everything in the background, and all looks fine.
User then says "should i also turn off my iPhone?"
Helpdesk: 'No, outlook is just on your laptop'.
User: 'No *assured laugh* its on my phone too. I get emails there too'
Helpdesk: 'No, you use the generic 'Mail' app on your phone. Outlook is a separate app. We don't use it.'
User: 'But you're not listening, regardless of the app name, that's my problem, mail's not working on my phone'.
Helpdesk: '.....so why didn't you say so 20 minutes ago when i asked to log into ur laptop?'
User: 'Didn't think it was relevant. Laptop was fine. Assumed you'd know'.
Shockingly, a phone restart fixed it. The user couldn't remember the last time he'd turned the thing off.11
I'M NOT HELPDESK. I CAN'T FIX YOUR BROWSER OPTIONS. I LOVE YOU TO FUCKING PIECES BECAUSE YOU STOP THE INCREDIBLY FUCKING STUPID CALLS, BUT I CAN'T HELP YOU and now I feel like a prick. Call your boss and make him do his fucking job. Please. I don't want to scream at you. I need you in my life...14
If I spend 50% of my time in meetings, 30% of my time doing things for support/helpdesk which I'm not allowed to automate, 10% as a technical consult and 10% helping other devs... am I even a developer anymore?6
Officially resigned this morning from my helpdesk position.
in two weeks I officially begin my career as a junior dev. I'm on cloud 9 and yet still don't believe it.7
Me: Hello. I'm from dept. ABC. My system isn't working.
IT: Have you tried logging OFF & ON again?
Me: (Let me rephrase) No the system isn't turning ON 😅
IT: Before I come over to your desk, can you try restarting once? 🤓
Me: (Motherfuck..) 🙂5
A third party manages access to a web application I’m supposed to begin using. While accessible from the Internet, they whitelist IP addresses, so it rejects the login credentials if not coming from a whitelisted address.
I provided my external IP address to their support team but the application was not letting me in, so I called their help desk. A support technician said that my IP address was 10.x.x.x, a private IP address. I’m not on the same network as this application, so I did a quick check and realized they are reading my internal IP address from my X-FORWARDED-FOR (XFF) header (yes, my employer exposes this).
I explain to him that the application is incorrectly reading my external (connection) IP address and is instead reading my internal IP address from my XFF header. I also explain that it’s not a good idea to add a private IP address to their whitelist as it somewhat defeats the point as anyone can assign that IP address within their network and expose it via an XFF header.
After talking to numerous support personnel, I came to the conclusion that not a single support person on their team understands basic networking and private IP address ranges.
I finally just said, “Fine. Go ahead and add my internal IP address but keep in mind it will change a lot.”
He then proceeded to “explain” to me how my IP address is assigned by my ISP and should change very infrequently. I explained to him that the IP address their application is reading is actually assigned by DHCP inside my network, but I was clearly wasting my breath.4
You guys get promotions?!
I’ve had to quit and find another job for every title and pay bump I’ve ever received... but I’m at a place now where I’m actually learning a ton of shit, my salary is damn decent (compared to all my previous jobs), and I’m having a blast diving in and working on actual projects vs boring as fuck maintenance / helpdesk type work.1
How I HATE being treated as a 24/7 IT helpdesk just because I studied Computer Scieeeeeence. People come to you with a billion questions every day!
Teacher requests help with projector. I go to the classroom.
Me: What seems to be the problem?
Teacher: Yes, I just can’t get this projector to show image from the computer! I’ve hit every single button on the remote!
Me: .. The computer isn’t on?
Me: There is no power on the computer? Have you turned it on?
Teacher: .. What?
I thought maybe she had accidentally shutdown the PC, but no. She had just walked to the classroom and just turned on the projector.. Didn’t even touch the computer..
Heard the students snickering when I left the classroom.1
Our new trainee started working couple weeks ago and the amount of whining and complaining when something doesn’t work is driving me insane!
I don’t know if he realizes that his job is to also find solutions to fix those issues..?1
Pursuing jobs this morning, find more than one IT Helpdesk postings that require Computer Science degrees, masters preferred. Do you also require you lawn service person to have a degree in botany?3
When I was little my brother and I got a ZX Spectrum 128k (James Bond edition) for Christmas. I started writing the programs to show a clock, union jack and other bits and bobs from one of these books. After probably 20ish years of not writing any code I went to university and graduated last year. I now work as helpdesk/software developer. But the ZX Spectrum programming started it all!4
I work in a corporate, and we are required to complete 10 hours worth of training every quarter. Systems don't have admin rights and we can't install anything on our own.
This is what I mailed to the coordinator after to and fro of a few mails. He initially suggested clearing browser cache, when it didn't work, I raised an IT ticket to get it updated. Didn't fuckin work.
Damn you, you hippo fucking imbeciles. I mean who the fuck in their right state of mind would have the audacity to recommend using flash. Absolute cunts ☠ 👿1
Working on an IT Helpdesk would be so much easier if it wasn't for all the stupid people who call us!5
So for context, I'm doing an Apprenticeship in IT and naturally I've been put on help desk.
I've recently been given a phone on my desk since I'm trusted enough and know enough about our software that there's no risk to me accepting calls.
I get the standard ones, a number from a different country, poorly pronouncing a co-workers name, asking if they can speak to them. I give my normal response, "I'll just check if they're in a meeting and I'll get back to you" (which they somehow always are) and ask if they would like to leave a message. They obviously don't since they're usually scams.
Since Tuesday I've started getting calls from "BT Technical Support". I don't use BT. My company doesn't use BT. So, it's clearly a scam.
Yesterday, the same guy calls me up, Thomas he says his name is. I go along with it for a while, agreeing that I've noticed our network has been slow until the point where he asks me to begin to install TeamViewer. I realise what he's going to do so I ask him what the problem with our network is.
I hear him start to respond but he stops. He's got no clue what to say, so I say to him, "Thomas mate. I think our biggest problem with our BT network is that we don't have BT."
He puts the phone down.
So I ask you for help, lovely people of devRant.
I have a Windows 10 VM ready to go. I have a couple notepad files labelled as "Passwords" and "Bank Details". What else can I throw on there to make this guy think he's hit the jackpot without really causing too much damage?
Any ideas would be appreciated. <37
I hate the old people in my company. FUCK THEM!
First I'm telling you a bit about me, so my story makes sense. I'm currently employed as IT-Tecnician in a Helpdesk as 1st & 2nd Level Supporter. I'm working for the current company since 2 years and already sweat too much Blood and Tears for the Old farts.
Now to the Story:
I'm currently planing to make a three year study as IT-Business Engineer, because I was orginally a Real Estate and Account Manager. That is the highest schoolar degree I can currently get in IT with my background. After that I would get the pass for BSc or CAS.
Two years ago when I took the Job I told them, that I would like to start my study in the next two years. Back then they agreed and told me, they will support me.
After that I got a very good reputation in the company and also took part in projects, coded plugins and evaluated requierments for programms. I got still payd with a low Supporter income for my work.
In february this year I told them I want to start my study in May. They boss told me I should do a way lower degree for two years and go into infastructur segment. I told him that my wished degree would be higher and also include infrastructur. Boss told me, that I will need to prostpone my study a third time to autumn.
The reality is, that they want to underpay me as supporter and keep me without a degree. I should keep working on projects, which a high degree tecnician does and gets better payd. In everyway thats unfair and just a hit into my gut. They try to ruin my career and keep me cheap.
The joke is, the boss is over 50 years old and is egostic as fuck. He just wants to profit from my knowledge and wont pay me for it.
I already got the knowledge and just need to have a higher IT degree, so I get payd a fair sum for my work.
My only option is to quit the company or stay as a lowly supporter.
Even my other coworkers asked me, why I'm still a supporter with my knowledge. When I told them my story, they all shugg there heads and told me, I should get the degree.7
Sometimes I wonder why my company has a helpdesk for our customers when the help desk doesn't even know how to use the product we sell. I spend more time supporting our helpdesk than I do programming.3
When you get a call into the helpdesk:
" It doesn't work!! "
What doesn't fucking work???!!!!??? And who the hell is this anyway?2
For about 3x years now, we have had 3x generic work email addresses that are used as microsoft accounts for office 2016 licenses.
(The company is dragging its heels on getting office 365 so MS like to make our lives hell.)
Suddenly we can’t get office updates... and when we sign in to see why, it says that because we are apparently only 3 years old we need our parents permission to use the account or we’ll lose access by September.
Never were we forced to enter a DOB when setting the accounts up!!! So it used the account setup date instead.
It turns out that we can’t change our DOB ourselves, as we are a ‘child’ and need a parents permission.
I access my personal account and follow the instructions to add the 3x email addresses as my children so i can change the DOB.
‘Ha ha’ i hear microsoft saying, ‘it doesn’t work that way!!’
No, In order for the parent to verify their child’s identity, they are charged 0.50c per child!
Doesn’t cost a lot but come on Microsoft!!
It’s that, or submit ID, which obviously wont work for a generic support@ email address like we have.
So annoying and we don’t know what to do.
Wonder how much MS are making out of this...2
This was a long time ago, when I was working part time in my uni helpdesk. as part of the uni IT service, they offered ISP services at the dorms. It was cheap, and fast. This essentially allowed students living in the dorms to connect thier personal computers to the uni LAN. Then one day...
An ARP poison malware infected some of those computers. An arp poison attack is simple (look at ettercap) - it redirects network traffic via the affected computer, and adds malware to webtraffic to infect more computers. One of these on a network is bad enough, but when there more then one... traffic was redirected a lot. this caused the Dorm switches to collapse under the load. Fun times to work at the helpdesk...
The IT guys came up with a solution for this: they blocked the arp poision attacks at the firewall, and then disabled the switch port for the infected computer for 24 hours. so, when someone called with 'I have no internet!', we told them to bring us the computer, and installed an AV on it.
3-4 month the problem was cleared.1
Start raising tickets/bugs like you were going to the doctors and things would get fixed a lot faster.
X page doesn't work.
Great information there what about the page isn't working?
Doesn't answer the question and gets pissy when you have to ask them again.
If this was a doctor's appointment all you would've done is walked into my office and yelled it hurts over and over.
Then proceeded to shit on my floor as you're leaving because I didn't diagnose the problem fast enough.
What were you trying to do when the system took a crap?
What did the red text say?
Can you take a screenshot? because the old saying a picture paints a thousand words holds some truth.
If you can go to the doctor and give them a full run down of when you got sick and what symptoms you got in the same order they happened why do you struggle to do the same when reporting a bug.5
Sorry it took me so long to show it off. I just couldn't find the right place for it, until now...11
Now that most people at our company is working remotely at home, the worst thing is that everyone thinks I can somehow magically fix their home network..5
I defied my HelpDesk technicians by buying my own mouse and a keyboard.
Vanilla generic peripherals seem to prevent me from expressing my creativity.1
Client told me that they have two workers with very similar names (one letter difference) and customers constantly send emails to the wrong person because of this.
She asked me if there is anything I could do to fix this?
What the hell am I supposed to do? Tell one of them to get their name changed?4
God, the dude who "assisted" me today can go and fuck himself with a cactus.
I need to configurate and integrate some cms into a project. But since the documentation is utter horse shit and superficial, it's fucking torture to do so!
So after creating an issue on their helpdesk, i get an answer from some employee there. Instead of actually posting something useful, he decide that he could instead quote the fucking documentation.
Of course, he also quotes the very page i mentioned in my issue for being COMPLETELY USELESS. This goes back and forth. And he keeps just quoting the fucking documentation.
So i decompiled their product and painstakingly worked out how the feature worked that i needed.
Fuck you support asshole. I hope you get to maintain a legacy VBA project!3
I just got an email from work to fix a website that is down. A website of another company.
I just don’t understand how peoples brains work?2
So here's is the thing.
For some weird reason I decided to work at a VC funded startup. For 15k year,(I live in a really poor country).
So, let me describe the hell I'm in now, and if for some good grace you happen to be hiring, please consider saving me from the horror that's ahead.
Company got funded 5 months ago, main owners are, an economist and a civil engineer with no programming habilities whatsoever.
They took 1 month to assemble "a killer team", with no hiring expertise they handpicked a CTO that came in 1 month later and took a month of vacation in his first month of work.
He didn't do any specification of the system that needs to be built.
The 2 naive owners hired the rest of this "killer team".
The team is good, but have no appreciation of planning.
They've built and rebuilt the backend system twice, once in graphql and the second with plain http (is not real rest, just a http api), in front of, guess what a mongo database.
This mongo DB is not only one, but 7, because we have 7 microservices, and each has its own database.
After some time, they decided to fire their CTO, and hire one more programmer(that's me), because the CTO wasn't doing anything.
The app has 3 parts, the app per se, a business version, and a help desk, guess what the helpdesk just appeared last week on the radar.
Long story short, we have one month to deliver what couldn't be built in 5.
When I decided to work for these people, I did not imagine the kind of clusterfuck that I was getting into.
It took me 1 month to realize the whole situation, now, I really would like to see some help from the deities of any religion, not for the project, that project is doomed.
It's how I'll pay the bills after that clusterfuck collapses that worries me.
Now in the startup no one is talking about how stupid the whole situation is. Or how far back we are. And at this point there's very little that could be done about it, I have a feeling that it could still be accomplished, but it's fading day after day.
I will do my best to live the best of this experience, and do as the musicians in the Titanic and keep playing the music even after knowing the Titanic is sinking.6
Okay. I’m upset. So the recent .NET update Microsoft put out fried SharePoint which I am currently the main point of contact for at our company. In addition, my only current projects are creating workflows.
I was publishing a workflow and got an error. I googled the error and found that it was the .NET update that caused it. Internet says to edit the web.config file for your web apps and it will be good to go. I go to our networks guy (only available supervisor) and explain what happened and ask about the recent patch and whether this could be the cause. He says that his team doesn’t actually handle the patches so I should speak with the HelpDesk lead (don’t ask).
I go to the HelpDesk lead and explain the situation, explain the solution and ask for what to do next. Keep in mind that this whole thing takes two hours because it’s Friday and everyone is out and I can’t do any of my work while I’m waiting on this. HelpDesk lead says “you have an admin account, I trust you. Go fix it” so I think uh okay.... I’m a junior and not even technically an IT person but sure. I know how to do it - but got nervous about fucking it up because our entire organization uses Sharepoint.
Nevertheless I go to my desk and look for the root directories and find that they’re on a server somewhere that I have no access to. I message the Helpdesk guy and tell him this and he says to talk to the developer supervisor. Great! He’s super nice and helpful and will totally understand! Only he’s not in. Neither is half of his team.
I go to his team and look around and find nobody but realize I may be able to catch one of the guys I know and work with in the break room. I start leaving and am stopped by a developer who is generally nice and funny. I explain the situation and he says “you... YOU need to edit a config file?” And scoffs. He demands to see what I’m talking about.
I walk him to my machine and show him what’s going on and all the research I did. I start to realize he thinks I’m overstepping and I begin to apologize and explain the details to why I was asked to do it and then I say “I really shouldn’t even be the one doing this” he says “no you should not. This isn’t getting done today. Put in a request, include your research and we will see what we can do when the supervisor gets back next week”
His tone was like I was in trouble and I know that I’m not, but it’s my goal to end up on that team and I just feel like shit about this whole situation. To top it off my boss pulled me off of two projects because of unrelated issues (and nothing to do with me) so I have basically nothing to do and I just feel very discouraged. I feel dumb and like I should have gone to the developers first. I just wanted to make it easy on everyone and do my research. I feel like I keep being put in situations above my level (I’m one of two juniors in a 16 person shop, the other one is an intern) and then “getting in trouble” for working beyond my scope.
Anyways.... fuck Microsoft6
I love it when asshats, that wear testicles for sunglasses, like to ask me a question about my past experience with a given technology. Let's call it "X". After I've said my piece about the desired effect "X" was supposed to achieve, and describe the environment/scope where "X" was used, and describe the pain points I've encountered with it or the headaches "X" has caused in those environments, these camel spunk garglers then try to immediately rebut me by saying that every one of the times they've set "X" technology up it's worked just fine.
So, I kindly remind them that my past experience was in large enterprises where "X" technology just doesn't scale well so I've seen some issues with it.
Spunk Gargler: "Hmmm, must've just not been setup correctly."
I lose my shit (internally of course because I can't afford to be without a job right now.) and say, "I'm not so sure that it wasn't setup correctly, I just don't think that 'X' works properly at the scale of 500+ employee environments well. You've only ever set it up in small offices of like - what, 20 users?"
Shitlord McHerp-a-Derp who's Drunk on Spunk: "Maybe, but it just sounds like a bad configuration was causing those issues to me."
He shuffled back into his office shortly after I basically told him he's a fucking chump playing small team tactics and I've seen shit at scale so I've seen first hand what does and does not work well.
I'm writing this because this is the same fucking imbecile that has only ever encountered a /23 network once before from a client they inherited from a previous MSP team and they didn't know how to "safely change it" to a /24 so they just left it in place.
(BTW, just for the non-networking guys/gals out there, I'm sure you've already guessed it, but a /23 network is NOT a fucking problem!)
These puffy cancerous taint boils that call themselves IT engineers are the fucking problem!
I'm not a dev by trade or training, but trying to learn DevOps, and I can totally see why Dev teams can/sometimes get pissed with infrastructure teams... infrastructure/helpdesk side of IT is full of these fucking meat heads.1
This is why i could NEVER work a helpdesk job - yesterday corporate head office sent out a company wide email, including the helpdesk address. Helpdesk automatically creates a ticket for any emails, attaching the original email for reference. This morning I see at least 10 helpdesk tix, emailed to me because i was on the original email chain, created by dumb-dumbs saying things like "all these emails must be a computer glitch" "I do not require assistance" without realizing if they just stopped replying they would stop getting the emails!
Helpdesk is SWAMPED with legitimate work but lately theyve had to deal with things like this, I feel terrible for them1
Loving this platform and I'm very close to being convinced of getting the sexy black theme, but only when my stickers arrive, living in India.
When can I expect them on my bae(XPS 15), since I sent the mail about 3 days ago.. CANT WAITTTYYYY11
Ive been ranting a lot recently due to various tools and plugins not working as they should. lol.
At our company we where joking about how we should "fix" it, which was kinda blunt destroying it and picking something else to work with.
That gave me the little idea to make https://www.devhelpdesk.com/ which has various "topics" on how to do stuff.
Basically it is 100% satire.
If you like it, just check it out and use it ;). Ps I might be sort of buggy, Ive just build it in a few hours...1
I love calling (or mailing) helpdesk "engineers" about issues. Clearly something that explicitly has been mentioned to not be the issue is the issue, amirite? 🤪
Engineers my ass 😑4
How hard is it to tell me what kind of error do you receive when a program doesn’t work?!
Just telling me ”it gives an error” doesn’t give me much to work with..
Helpdesk: We can't figure out our own ambigious error message, you should solve it in another way...
Me: I see in the console that I get an execption response with an ID, you must be logging these exceptions, can't you check those?
Me thinking: you've just reduced yourself to desk without the help part
Wouldn't say our teamwork failed we just sucked that day.
I had a ticket to fix a SQL sp and then correct some data afterwards. As this was the typical "urgent fix need now" we went through a different process for fixing it.
Me: Just sent you some scripts can you check them over before we apply it to uat?
Boss: let's go through it together.
5 mins later
Boss: looks fine I'll apply the scripts.
2 minutes later
Me: did you apply the scripts to uat?
Boss: No I applied them to live.
Me: oh ... oh no.
At this point I realized I was missing a critical where clause so yup my update was applied against all of the data.
Yup he just spotted my error.
Helpdesk phones start ringing
Boss: you pick it up it's your code
Me: hey you applied its your problem now.
One db restore and several incident meetings later we fixed it. Twas a fun day.1
Last week I wired up my home network (including custom modem and routers) myself, because the stuff my ISP wanted me to use was garbage.
Luckily Germany has "router-freedom" so ISPs are not allowed to force us to use their device to dial into the network.
I did everything myself, because the 'technicians' they kept sending me were just idiots who didn't know anything, considering the highly paid job they are doing. Usually they told me, to get the device from my ISP, because my "Router" (actually a business grade, standalone Modem by Cisco, to feed my Router) didn't even have WiFi ( lol ). Also all Technicians didn't arrive at the agreed date but at some other time. I wasn't able to wait any longer.
So I did it myself.
Consider me something more like a student of theoretical computer science. Not actually supposed to be experienced with hardware stuff.
The ISP is serving me with a DOCSIS 3.0 Network based on the television cable network in my city. For some reason they are providing the internet-access to only one socket in the apartment, which has a rather uncommon "WICLIC" connector. After having trouble getting an adapter for WICLIC to common coaxial F-Connectors (used by every DOCSIS-Modem), I made one myself.
After setting up everything (not that hard, once the connectors fit) my modem told me, that, while I'm perfectly connected to the ISPs internal Network, I still can't access the internet.
So I called the ISP...
After getting ranted at, about that what I'm doing is illegal and only certified employees are allowed to do this and I will break more, than actually do good and that I can't just connect my own "Router" (again I needed to correct her: Modem) I hang up the phone.
Also she accused me of hacking their devices because I'm not supposed to see my IP address... (My Modem told me on its web interface. I didn't even need telnet for that.)
I went to the ISPs head office, told the first desk as many technical terms as I could remember and got forwarded to something like the main technician.
He was a really nice guy. The only sane and qualified person I dealt with at this company. He asked me for my Address and Device Model, I told him my MAC and last internal IP, I had seen and he activated my internet access within a minute.
We talked a while about the stupid connector that ISP is using in the homes and he gifted me some nicer adapters to connect my modem to the wall.
Why do ISPs hate their customers that much?2
Our keyboards/mouses are getting replaced (it's a matter of years) to Bluetooth ones. No spare batteries are given. From some of the offices the helpdesk where they give you new batteries are a few kilometers away, you have to call a shuttle...
Nobody communicated, but finally turned out that there is a floor responsible who has spare batteries. Of course, they are kept in a locked down cupboard, so each time that poor person has to be interrupted if someone has a drained battery.
Shall we stay with the gold old USB keyboards?3
Covered on the helpdesk at my new job yesterday. The only tickets that came in were for me anyways so all I learned is that the back room gets pretty cold.
A conversation that i had with my co-worker today. I was having trouble getting into UAT to troubleshoot.
i lost access to UAT again
F. So secure we can't even get in
I'll email whoever we did last
i can get through the first phase(where you enter pin+rsa)
it denies me access after that
says bad username or password
Oh ok. Prolly just need to reset your pwd then. I'll find the email for helpdesk and fwd.
At least ur RSA works.
yeah what a joy
If it's locked you may need to try from a Windows box. Horizon is bugged on Mac where the submit button stays disabled even when you type a pwd.
i couldnt contain my happiness that my RSA worked
Yeah it's exhilarating
Whenever I pick up my rsa token my life re-finds it's purpose and I feel like I'm meddling through a field of sunflowers.
I once tried to get my RSA token tattooed but it switched too quick.
lol its faster that Usain Bolt
Russia got kicked out because of their RSA tokens
Pretty much when i stopped listening to the same old "my printer is jammed" requests in helpdesk and saw a friend dev earn twice as much as i dis at that time without dealing with (that many) idiotic situations.
A few years later - i'm a happy little coder. And i have my own minions to deal with support. Seniority rules :D3
Keeping the clients happy is very important but when you have alot of shit to do, being a glorified helpdesk bugs me the fuck out. My inbox is screaming at me: "Please no more... Master please end me!".
First job as a web dev (promoted within my company from helpdesk!!!!). I made it explicitly clear that my php experience is rudimentary and that I was still learning and our CIO was fine with that, just said I need to fast track learning.
In my first website support meeting today they dropped all kinds of fun stuff about Wordpress development that I only know the basics on and is now my responsibility to learn, so:
How the hell do I learn php/scss/sass/docker for Wordpress really fucking fast? Lol4
My path to software development was: Hardware Engineer, Helpdesk Analyst, self-taught Junior C# Developer...
Will not studying CS become a hinderance later in my career?14
Was checking what my coworker was up to. He was given a computer to fix by another coworker and the PC belonged to his child.
”Oh I just uninstalled Steam. It’s a bad software with loads of viruses that slow down your computer!”3
Dear Docker Support,
User with unanswered ticket for a month (and not the first time)3
Co-worker that is non-tech oriented:
"So what do BI developers do?"
"Well...." start simple then get uber complicated.
"Oh ok cool. Well my LAN isn't working, can you help me?"
well I start my first dev job in a week and a half. after telling my family I was resigning from my helpdesk support gig, they asked about the pay and didn't understand why the dev job payed more.
I tried to explain it and I think about half of them got it but the older half still just associate it as "computer stuff"
not exactly a hack but i started a prank war between us ( helpdesk team) and the pc team by pranking one of them with nirsoft and psexec.
at first he didnt really realize why his browser crashes and his cdrom opens and closes randomly.
Budding Developer here...
I've tried to teach myself Web Dev over the past 10 yrs on/off... Sad. But now I'm actually in a developer role moved up from IT helpdesk a year ago.
Over the past couple months I've been given a new project and now learning ASP.NET and C#. Actually trying really hard to get adept at these as I'm finally doing Web Developing in my role...
I am also dealing with multiple major family issues and a near 2 yr old that we cosleep with that still doesn't sleep through the night.
Why the crap is it so easy to convert an enum to a string but takes 50 functions to convert a string to an enum???
Cast, convert, parse... Why so much logic???
When the online teacher says type why do I have to rifle through 7 different meanings in my head before I know what kind of type he's referring to??4
Getting off the helpdesk.
Something I've yet to accomplish. Self study and side projects will hopefully get me there.1
Go for a helpdesk position: Programming is to boring, just writing all the time...
What the FUCK am I trying to learn now?!3
A question for all you grey beards and other more knowledgeable devs:
I work for a small grocery retail company. Work primarily as a dev, but also spend time doing I.T./HelpDesk stuff. My wife is a nursing student, and when she graduates in May 2018 she is wanting to move to a different location to work at a specific hospital, which would require me to change jobs. No problem, I'm fine with that.
Here is what I am wondering: I currently make a modest salary (for 23 years old I feel like I'm doing pretty good), but we are expecting our first child in April and I would like to be making more. Would persuing a different job for extra $$$ that I could potentially only be working at for around 8-ish months be a bad idea? Should I just stick where I am at until I actual HAVE to move?
Thanks in advance for any advice :D2
I sent an e-mail to my friend containing new information about something we were discussing.
He said: "It's cumbersome for me to access my e-mail, could you take a screenshot of it to me and send it on Skype?".
I was appalled. The e-mail is full text and he wants a screenshot of text. E-mail's primary purpose is to send text content. This guy never heard of copy paste text (which is what I did)? And he works in helpdesk, which is even more ironic.3
3 months ago i started as a helpdesk support for a business application. This week i'm promoted as Junior Programmer worked hard for it but it paid off :)
Have you ever considered switching to IT support/help desk?
I mean, sometimes I try to analyze my own situation from a 3rd person perspective and I realize I could have a pretty much stressless job with still enough money to live a normal life.
I have a BSc and MSc(soon to have) in CS, with focus on AI/ML. I've always been a geek with a problem solving attitude, that's why I got into computers in the first place. And now I'm pondering if I should just try an IT Support position, it's the kind of things I used to do as a teenager when a classmate had a network/computer problem, it doesn't even feel like a job to me. I could call it a day, get home at 5/6pm, and spend time on my personal projects (software, infosec) with a fresh mind, going to bed (and sleep) knowing that the next day would be a nice one. No clients wanting a new feature that you gotta implement and push on a production server friday afternoon because your ceo(who is also a pseudo proj manager) just said:"Yes, we can", while you watch the technical debt rising like amazon's stocks.
Maybe this is just the burnout talking, I don't know. Maybe I should just try being a software engineer outside of Uni in the first place, and only then start pondering.
Maybe a sysadmin position...
Have a nice day12
I have a lot of meetings and that makes it difficult to answer my workphone. One guy has been calling me every single time I have a meeting and he never answers when I try to call back.
He can contact me through email, ticketing system or Teams, but nope, he keeps calling my phone.
I send him a message through Teams asking if he can tell what the issue is.
He tells me he will just call me via phone.. Why?! Even calling through Teams would be better! Just tell me what the issue is!
I have 4 years professional experience at a small shop working on a web application for property and liability insurance. The application is ASP.NET with C# as the code-behind. I have a BCS and will finish my MSIS fall 2017. I have no idea why I have the degrees. I know that when I enrolled, it seemed like they would be a nice addition to an otherwise empty resume. I was lucky enough to land my first and only development job during my sophomore year of my undergraduate program. Is this enough experience to land a new job?
I feel like I'm learning nothing at my current job. The specs that come in seem very vague to me. When asked for clarification, there is often push back, and I don't know whether that's because I don't have enough experience to parse what the client means in the two sentence spec I got or if it's because the client does not actually know what they want.
I hate my current job. My productivity is low because I spend more time trying to figure out what the client wants and analyzing an 8 year old system that has 0 documentation. I know some of you will just say, "Suck it up" at this point, but I really want another job. The only thing I like about this job is that it's 100% remote. It also pays $60k a year, so a replacement should be at least that salary.
Most postings I see require professional experience of 5 years or more, and knowledge of other frameworks. I can work on getting knowledge of the other frameworks, but will have no professional experience with them. I don't live in an area with a lot of software development jobs, and the ones I see are for non-IT organizations that want 1 person to run a distributed system from 10 or more locations. A hospital system out here wants to pay $30k a year for a guy to be both software developer for new tools as well as the helpdesk and IT support guy that's on-call for four locations in the county. I made more than that before I got into the development industry, for less work, and would rather leave than settle for something like that.
I've thought about moving to somewhere near San Francisco or San Jose, but I have my daughter to think about. I have joint custody of her, and would have to give that up in order to move out of the county.
I like programming and using it to solve problems. I like designing architectures and how all the components will interface. I like designing and normalizing databases. I like taking part in coding competitions for employers that are well-known (Amazon, Facebook, Uber, Twitch, etc.), even though I often just place middle of the pack. When that happens, I feel like I'm an imposter in this industry.
I think I have the most fun just working on small projects for personal use. My latest is an assistant calculator for the game Transport Fever to figure out cargo throughputs per annum based on the in-game timing information. Past projects have also been small. Ones I could use in a portfolio are a sudoku solver desktop application, PC/Web game in Unity that is a 3D FPS remake of Duck Hunt that allows open world exploration but locks the camera's viewpoint for shooting events, and a building assistant for Rome II: Total War that maps out all the bonuses/perks of user-specified building combinations in provinces so users can record their long term building plans without using all their turns to see the final results.
I seem to be an unproductive, average developer who dabbles in projects here and there.
This is what I want from other Ranters. Just say something. I don't care if it is, "Suck it up and get better." It could be your tips for finding and securing a new position. It could even be empathy, if such a thing exists on the Internet. Whatever you want, just say something that will help get me thinking of what the next steps in my career should be.1
Why would anyone want to study and have years of experience in boring-ass jobs like QA, BI,specific enterprise applications consultant(e.g SAP/Salesforce), PC technician, helpdesk, integrator or sales.
I understand people who lack experience in more sexy stuff and have no choice, or do this temporarily. But I met some people who do it for years out of their own will. Why? There are far more interesting jobs in the tech world.
When dealing with people that think the IT helpdesk solves all problems with custom software they didn't build or use.. and the helpdesk of the software sucks (long waiting times, almost impossible to get the right guy,..)
Because number of reasons I happen to be part time working as help desk...
Problem 1: Could you teach us how to use a scanner?
Problem 2: I cannot open this (PDF) file.
Problem 3: My personal thumbdrive doesn't work, could you help me.
Problem 4: How do I use vlookup in excel
Problem 5: How can I connect my Iphone to my printer.
I don't know why IT people would choose to work in HD instead of Development.
Again, there are some reasons I'm doing support right now, don't judge me.
I hate myself right now....6
Oh my gosh... IT Helpdesk people piss me off!!!!! Get the fuck out of my way let me fix my own problem, give me admin rights! Damnit
I work with a few non-programmers on my team and after almost 2 full years of using our CMS one of them called me over because they were getting an error when trying to copy a hyperlink... I come over and everything looks fine, so I say "Have you right clicked on the hyperlink and clicked 'Copy Shortcut'?"... She says "Well no, I don't want a shortcut I want to copy the URL." .... ::face palm:: This is why the other countries are beating us!
If I get one more escalation from the IT helpdesk about a login issue but it’s actually an broken link I am going to screem! Find the new link (it’s in multiple places) give it to them and then put the page location in the ticket you dumb fucks so I can update the URL.
This person called in 3 times over the weekend over this and no one thought to have give them the link.1
When you corner help desk people so much they end up saying their web app doesn't support Asus PCs2
Because I dev, people think of me as a tech guru to consult on everything related to anything more tech than a stone.
Like guiding people on how to insert their ethernet cable when "the internet suddenly shut down".2
Just made the leap from a company with and I.T. Department of 8 people to a company with an I.T. Department of 5000 people. At the old company, I was a SysAdmin, DBA, Helpdesk, Programmer, etc. 7/8 were programmers. We all had our hands in pretty much every aspect of the companies technology. At the new company I am just a programmer. I only write code (well, I will soon. There is a LOT I have to learn about how this place operates). I worked at the old companies for almost 3 years (2 as an Intern, 10 months as Salaried Full-Time) so it's weird having most of those aspects of my old job stripped away, yet at the same time it's somewhat freeing in the sense that I am now only responsible for 1 slice of the pie, not the whole damn thing. Anyway, hope everyone is having a great monday!1
(Me le fixing computer at helpdesk along with 2 others)
Client walks in and looks around ...
Client: Hi! Is this the place I go to get my computer fixed?
You tell me ...1
When you're doing someone a favor by looking at their PC and you diagnose what causes the issues and you try to explain them & then they tell you its not the problem cause they googled what it was.....
Count.. To.. Ten..
so it appears for the immediate future I'm stuck working a good enough to pay the bills with a little left over helpdesk job until I find some sort of junior or associate dev gig.
I graduated this past spring and had to take something, so in the meantime, advice on how to land the first get my foot in the door actually programming gig?6
I'm writing a minor productivity app which consumes and modifies a vbscript file on a network drive which apparently gets included in other productivity tools to drive the business, as well as updates the relevant DNS entry the field is associated with, and because I care about making the world a better place now writes the data out to what I hope becomes the authoritative source for said data which eventually replaces these who-the-knows-why-they-are-there network drive files and snippets.
The tool removes the need for an ISP tech in the field to make TWO phone calls when they update network equipment. One for the vbscript tweak, one for the DNS update.
Oh, did I mention that some PHP app under a L1 helpdesk guy's desk that the company has made absolutely necessary for their business (and I subsequently moved to a god damn server) consumes the vbscript file and parses it into something PHP can understand?
You can't make this shit up.
The only saving grace is that I have my team rewriting all of this ridiculous shit in Haskell. Type safety and long term refatorability will keep us sane.
Sigh. I don't like the methods of first line helpdeskers. Computer problem? Restart it, or.. re-image it. The hell..
I know these are standard practices but I don't like them at all. Just because there's a small issue with a device, you're going to throw everything away? No troubleshooting at all? I don't call that troubleshooting nor helping.
My friend works as first line helpdesk and I told him: "Hey, WhatsApp isn't giving me double checkmarks anymore for my messages to you since last night. It's odd." and his response is: "Restart your phone". My god.. how much more technically ignorant could he be? Everything network-related on my phone is working, including WhatsApp, but no.. "restart your phone". Anyway.4