Do nothing. Get paid.

Does anybody know how to close this bottle? I can't figure it out.

What devrant taught me:

Everyone hates java
Everyone hates php
Everyone hates spaces
Everyone hates tabs
Everyone hates vim
Everyone hates windows
Everyone hates gnu+linux
Everyone hates clients
Everyone hates PMs
Everyone hates every language they're not working with
Everyone loves devrant 😀😄😙

When I was at my lowest, my buddy and me sat in front of the screen, and learned how to code from Bucky Roberts. A few years later, I finally got a proper programming gig, but never stopped freelancing. My buddy on the other hand, studied Computer Science and stopped coding for a while after graduating. 5 years later, today we sat in front of the screen and learned how to code together again. I think he has no idea what he has led me to. If he had not made me code, I would have remained the same boy from the streets. But it is not about me, I have heard so many incredible stories. The more codes you write, the more errors you'll encounter. The more errors you try to solve, the bigger the community grows. It's nice to know, there is a group of people out there, who will spend rest of their lives writing, thinking and interacting. Also, trying to figure out how to centre that piece of shit of a div with CSS! I mean wtf!

Encoding strikes yet another victim

When ransomeware guys provide better customer support than most companies 😂

My boss wants to use Google Calendar instead of Trello from now on. What the fuck man...

So came across an emoji language the other day. I have no words just emojis http://www.emojicode.org/

Fixing a parents iPhone, episode 1.

Problem: "Whatsapp is gone off my phone"

Debugging:

Me: *unlocks phone and sees whatsapp*, it's right here.

Mam: no, I no that I can't see my messages.

Me: ok, that is definitely not what "whatsapp is gone off my phone means".

*opens whatsapp*
*inside add contact screen*

App seems ok, your trying to add a contact?

Mam: that's a problem, whenever I open it I only see that page.

Me: *taps cancel button with shocked face*

Mam: omg there's my messages, how did you do that?

Me: ... ... ... I tapped the very easy to see, large cancel button in the top right hand corner.

Mam: but why was it opened there?

Me: *looks at opened message from unknown number*

If I was to hazard a guess, now stay with me on this one as it's a bit complex. I think ... I THINK ... you clicked the "add to contacts" button on the screen in front of you.

I am suspicious of one thing though.

Mam: what's that?

Me: how you managed to click the add contacts button, and when brought to the add contacts screen, you assume the app is broken.

Mam: oh will you **** off you sarcastic little ****. Thank you very much.

Me: no prob, 4 year computer science course put to great use.

Someone give her a \r

Watching Netflix alone when gf asks if she can join, or preferrably inner join.

I love this girl to death 😍

That moment when you realize that you could've dropped out and sold your project as a framework for future social media... 😖😖😖

Me : Here is your website. So, when can I expect my pay.😊
Client (wants to skip the pay ) : Site is not loading first fix this we can discuss later.
Me : Please conncet to internet and reload. 😒😎

Truestory 🍻

Linux : Born to Be Root
Windows : Born to Re Boot

"Programming is a marathon, not a sprint"
-MPJ

The bugs have learned to hide

I recently downloaded a new piece of software, an it greeted me with this screen.

I don't know who was more confused, me or the program.

When working as a freelancer

I was forced to attend a meeting about a project I wasn't part of.

✘ Lie
✘ Lie
✘ Lie

HR Project update meeting.
Duration: 1h
Content:
1) recap of previous meeting
2) overview of what we will discuss in next meeting.

—_😂_—

Cheers to devRant 😘
Keep up the Ranting...

Dev Superpower: The ability to name things.

Well well well

Because controlling your AC with your IR cell phone requires getting the phone number of my friend Robert?

After months of hard work, we finally released our product. Only for the PM to send this out as the announcement​ email..

sudo in any machine

So I saw this the other day

Another gem from r/ProgrammerHumor