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My girlfriend doesn't talk to me anymore after I said I helped the new girl to do some penetration testing.27
-
My girlfriend comes in and sees me on devrant.
GF: "What is that app? I see you using it all the time. Is it like an endless blog with updates?"
Me: "It's kinda like facebook. But for developers. And you don't have any friends".
GF: "That seems like a sad app"37 -
So this happened last night...
Gf: my favorite bra is not fitting me anymore
Me: get a new one ?
Gf: but it is a C already.
Me: get a c++.
After 5 sec i bursted in laughter, she was confused.24 -
GF: What are you doing there?
Dev: I've been trying to reproduce a bug for two hours now...
GF: You need two bugs the opposite sex, otherwise they won't reproduce.
From a sad true story.8 -
"A software Engineer? Why don't you do a real job instead of fixing people's computers?"
- ex gf 2011
"I'm proud you do something you love"
- wife 201611 -
Fact=!rant
Gf: Hey look, YouTube shows a preview of the video on mouse hover
Me: pornhub did it first
Gf:what?
Me:wut?10 -
Me : I need to give Tom a wash.
GF (Smashed table, angrily) : Tom is your Keyboard, stop giving everything a name.
Me : you hurt poor George!10 -
My GF just selected all files on her harddrive and clicked "Open".
The look at her face when she figured out what she have done.
BONUS: She restarts her computer, and upon start she selects Yes to the "Your computer shutdown unexpected, would you like to re-open the applications" popup 😂12 -
My girlfriend saw me coding in XCode.
GF: What are you doing?
Me: Ahmm. Coding.
GF: *saw the colors in every line of code
GF: That's easy. You just need to follow the color pattern. Green, Blue, Red and Yellow.
Me:
Macbook:
XCode:
Charger:
BTW. She's a Preschool Teacher. Hahahaha23 -
GF: I'm unable to undo my zip, help
Me: ctrl Z
GF: what!
Me: what? Oh.
(She left me the week after :'| )14 -
When your gf isn't a Dev but still tries to surprise you on your birthday with an HTML cake. But your OCD is killing you because of the mistakes
Src: IG - developers_team
45 -
Walking with gf.
diadev: hey that desk would be perfect for someone with one monitor!
GF: What kind of fuckin normie has one monitor?
I'm keeping this one 😂26 -
Me: "can we go to the cinema this weekend?"
gf: "uhm, maybe if blablabla..."
Me: "boolean!"
gf: "true"
...9 -
My GF, an iOS QA, went for an interview with a large enterprise and was rejected.
Interviewer: Your current application is hybrid or native?
GF: Native, because it is written in swift using native iOS SDK.
Interviewer: Does it use internet?
GF: Yes.
Interviewer: It is a hybrid application if it uses internet. You know nothing about your projects. You are rejected.
GF: 😯21 -
GF: Did you watch a movie while you were sleeping?
ME: (Syntax Error): How could i watch a movie while sleeping?
GF: No, the name of the movie is "while you were sleeping"
ME: oh, you forgot quotes for string17 -
GF: "Honey can you leave the PS and give me some attention?"
ME: "ofcourse!"
**Gives her 29 minutes of attention**
12 -
GF: "The Internet is broken!"
Me: "WHAT?! Sound the horn! Raise the alarm! Call gondor for aid! The Internet is broken! Does the president know?! Save yourself fools!"
*skips away on pretend horse*4 -
So here I am in iceland watching Aurora with my gf, and suddenly I realized somewhere in my code at work I freaking forgot to add 1 to the denominator of a fraction. Shitty shit shit, gonna go back to work finding NaNs everywhere. Fuck fuck fuck
10 -
If any programmer tells you that you are number 1 on his life, don't trust him.. most of us start counting from zero. haha3
-
Last night I caught my girlfriend on my phone.....
Reading devRant..
I asked her what she was doing, she replied "I wanted to see what you spend all your time reading, some of this is actually pretty funny.."
❤12 -
!rant
Girlfriend doing her first IT internship:
"I think I got the roto virus"
Me: "Disconnect LAN cable and turn off PC, so that you do not infect the entire company's network".
GF: "Why would I do that, it's my body that feels bad".4 -
GF: I swear, you're spending more time staring at the screen than actually typing anything.
ME: Because literally 80% of coding is staring at the screen thinking about how to code something. My mind is an endless void of possible approaches to a problem.4 -
GF: please remember the flowers!
Me: I'll set a reminder.
GF: and don't forget to wrap them in water.
Me: I'll see what I can do about the laws of physics.
GF: ... I swear to god..
Me: yes yes I'll wrap them in water.7 -
Another rant about my gf
She tried HTML and well, cause there are h1, h2, h3... instead of classes, she used div, div2...
17 -
Me: *coding*
Gf: *walks into room*
Gf: awww look at all the sad winky faces
Me: excuse me?
Gf: look at all the sad winky faces *points at this ); *
Me: ... 😕😂12 -
Me: *Working intently on project*
Gf: "Why are you just googling stuff & copying"
WELCOME TO PROGRAMMING 10111 -
Got this today from my gf (only one part of birthday invitation card).
So cuuuuute 😍
English: "I'm 18, will I get something now?"
18 -
*Romantic candlelit dinner*
GF: "What are you thinking about, my love?"
Me: "The chocolate custard always seems to behave differently under stress than vanilla. It has a lower base viscosity, but a similar shear thickening. I was wondering whether anyone has ever made a database of all custard brands and flavors together with their viscosities"
My brain: *Oh fuck, that's not what I'm supposed to say during a romantic dinner*
GF: "Do you wanna check whether we can find a cheap second hand viscometer.... wait.... no.... you'd need a rheometer for that, right? Do you think we could build one ourselves?"
Me: *blinks in awe*
Even after 15 years, I'm still just puzzled, she really fucking is my soulmate22 -
GF: Why are working so late?
Me: Because no matter what I do, everything is working correctly.
GF: What....
The only career when you have to work late because everything is working like it should (cannot reproduce an issue).19 -
My gf caught me unguarded after she told me that she has some updates for her webpage, right after I did the last updates. Massively amused. Not! 😅
25 -
Me: *receives SMS from ex girlfriend*
GF: "I'm horny, whatcha doing now?"
Me: "Not much, just working on the update system to this tool which will be used with mod. Can't talk right now"
This was the fastest "murdering of the mood" I ever done.11 -
Me typing
git rebase --help
GF: What!? Oh... nevermind it says rebase. I thought it said rebae.
Me: What?
GF: I'm the only bae you need in your life!
Me: ... This is going on devrant.2 -
That awkward moment when you tell your gf you want a rubber duck for your birthday present but you mistyped it.
Gf: "Sweetie, what gift do you want for your birthday?"
Me: "a rubber dick would be fantastic! it'll help me debug things"
Gf: "Ok... if you say so..."8 -
Today my sister told me "bro, I want you to teach me how to program". My gf told me the same some months ago
So proud of my girls 😍14 -
I miss my old ZenBook with Linux 😔
I mean, the MacBook is great, but it feels like I left my old simple gf who loved me for a Hollywood sexy bitch who doesn't give a fuck11 -
And for my birthday my girlfriend told me "your age++"
I don't know who told her that (she knows nothing about programming languages) but that was cute.3 -
relationship with dev perks (just happened):
GF : *bad mood* i'm hungry
Me : Let's go get some food ! *trying to cheer her up*
GF : No.
Me : Ok, whatever you say.
GF : Do you really wa--
Me : Whaat? you said "No"?
GF : Don't you see abstraction in my face?
Me : so what ? you want me to Implement it?
GF : NO. PUT IT IN YOUR GODDAMN MAIN FUNCTION.
Me : ok let's go *still don't understand what she meant*
GF : Good Job.68 -
Watching Netflix alone when gf asks if she can join, or preferrably inner join.
I love this girl to death 😍7 -
Someone: how do I convert cute girls to .gf format ?
Me : Sorry, this feature is not available in the beta version7 -
My gf was a QA. I told her to read my last devrant story about our colleague from the previous company.
Her response was "you misspelled 'taught' twice".
😢6 -
Gf, shouting: why are you using my premium shampoo and hairdryer on your keycaps?
Me: because just like your haircut, they were unnecessarily expensive, they embody all my self worth, and deserve to be shiny and clean.
Gf, pondering: ... Could you clean my keyboard next?4 -
I gor a problem with my gf, and she asked for space, then i got a new problem in my workplace, i want to kill my boss and my senior mothercuker! FUCK THIS!!!
11 -
I have the best gf in the world.
She tries to understand what I spend so many hours working on, even though she has little interest in it. She is seriously patient with me and lets me do my thing just because she knows it makes me happy.6 -
*me seeing rant with stress ball in the pic*
Me to gf:"look babe!!! Streeeeesssssballllllll :D I want one"
*gf points at shirt*:"these are your stress balls ;)"5 -
That moment when your GF bothers you so much with her Instagram photos
https://github.com/gulzar1996/...16 -
Me: when are you coming?
Gf: 1 hour
Me: started updating windows!!
.
.
.
After 1.5 hour
Gf came
Windows still updating 😂10 -
Guess who's birthday it is! It's my birthday and that are my birthday gifts my GF gave me 😍🤩
Also starring Dick-butt Debug-duck!
I feel blessed. 😁
26 -
My GF said I look so silent and innocent while working. She has no idea how much I curse the monitor in my head while working.3
-
Gf: Which way do you round 4.5 up or down?
Me: (int)4.5;
Gf: Ffs the proper way!
Me: Math.Round(4.5);
Gf: Fuck off.12 -
<rant data-type="corny">
My Gf of 3 years left me for some douche. Thus said, she "removed" her feelings before kissing him. WTF! I didn't know feeling came like dependencies...
</rant>9 -
!rant
My girlfriend sat on my lap the other day when I was helping a friend of mine with some assembly code. She look at the code an said
What are you doing?
I explained the code and said that is the lowest you can get before machine code. She didn't run away in fear....
This is a great sign...6 -
Fingerprint sensor is insecure
-gf can open your phone when you are asleep
-same with chloroform, unconscious, then use fingers
-can cut your fingers if it leads to that.
Fine I agree....but how secure is the face ID ??
-all of the same points can be applied to it.27 -
root@gf # date; mv gf $HOME; watch movies; touch; split; finger; unzip; fsck; touch; fsck; yes; yes; fallocate -l20M "cream"; zip; sleep
Happy Valentine's Day everyone 😉11 -
!rant
My gf loves rubber ducks so much, I'm just waiting for her to learn coding just for the debugging process :D
6 -
Me and my girlfriend's pillow talk about memory leaks
Me: **... So garbage collection is a means to stopping a memory leak from occuring
Gf: what 's a memory leak ?
Me: a memory leak is like when you want a pizza, and the guy gives you pizza. But you don't eat the pizza and you ask for another pizza. You keep doing this repeatedly. Until the pizza guy realizes what you're doing and decides to kill you. He then takes back all his pizzas
Gf: why would you do that though?
Me: Lazy ass programmers who don't clean up after themselves.6 -
!rant
i've been working on a web game with the gf - we're planning on making it a technologically correct 'hacking' game. updates will probably be posted as we go!
24 -
Telling someone you don't like the way they format their code is like... Telling them their girlfriend is ugly.4
-
My gf got me my first "rubber ducky". He is a bit sarcastic and rough on my code but I mean... He's Deadpool!!
5 -
Gf: "Why are you such a typist"
Me: "I promise not to buy more keyboards with blue switches..."
Gf: "No, I mean like being racist or sexist, but you discriminate types"
Me: "Uhhh"
Gf: "You are always bitching about how awful date/time types are, with timezones, leap seconds and daylight savings"
Me: Face turns pale, thousand yard stare, vietnam-flashback to when I was writing a calendar scheduling/meeting/matching tool which used 3 databases, with timestamps in different formats, and web frontends for people in offices around the world.
Me, with a soft broken voice: "So?"
Gf: "You've been working on that palette tool this week, and you keep talking about how interesting all these colorspaces, white balances and conversion formulas are"
Me: 🤔5 -
God dammit ... Gf said I should go "early" to bed and not like last night at 3 am. Now it's 4:20 am...7
-
So my ex gf was a developer too and she used spaces instead of tabs and she would put the { on a new line. That was not the reason to break up with her but I just can't hold my rage ffs18
-
"Maybe the internet has an error”
Quote from my GF after booking tickets online failed, and on some level I feel like this is a very profound, relevant statement..2 -
ME: I'm having problems with my parents
GF: Why don't you talk to them?
ME: I can't
GF: Why not?
ME: They're made of code
GF: ... thinking... ~face palm~3 -
My gf said some of Japanese companies specifically ask developers to code for IE6 and IE6 only. 🕺
Glad that I don't have to work for them.5 -
Tell gf that I'm gonna start the washing machine. 30 minutes later she finds me at the computer.
-You forgot the laundry half way.
-oups but I had to try a possible solution to my problem ...
The look from her :/2 -
This morning my girlfriend told me about the network at her school constantly disconnecting, to which I jokingly replied "So, it doesn't deserve candy". She came back with "But it's already asking for so many cookies"...
-
Forgetting to reply to my gf when I code, I always return to 30+ texts, 12 missed calls, some Instagram and Facebook messages, an email and find my face on the back of a milk carton 😂4
-
GF: Honey... What is that thing called... It's like a neverending if statement...
Me: ... A while loop?
GF: YEAH!! It's a while loop in the brain!2 -
My bro and I are going home from a concert and talking.
Bro: Man, my life's made out of problems you can't just solve by definition.
Me: You didn't tell me you started working with java.
Later I realised he was talking about problems with his gf.4 -
When scrolling through free Udemy courses for fun, my gf says:
"Whaaaat? Data analysis with Panda and Python? Isn't that shit dangerous? Like they go in the jungle and stuff?"
Me:"oh..."
(Disclaimer: She has no background in CS)5 -
Today I volunteered for an iOS event to help people get started with Xcode and swift. Granted, I only volunteered because my gf is part of this startup and the pay was 50 bucks ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The fucking stupid organizer (has no idea what programming is) thought it would be a good idea to have a gaming section where people can play video games. Well stupid fucking fortnite had everyone's attention, and only a little group of people was interested in participating in the workshop (build an iOS game from scratch) that my gf worked her ass off to create.
Also, fuck trying to teach programming to kids.4 -
I'm done with dumb girls😠 ! seriously I need a geek girl in my life to understand what I talk or what I share .... A dev girl right now would be awesome ..😃13
-
I wish I could type into my brain:"dd if=/dev/zero of=/dev/sda bs=512 count=1337"
To delete everything of my ex gf memories...
She just wrote a message, again...22 -
So my gf was sleeping and i took the opportunity to unlock her phone using her finger print. Sent bunch of texts and later told her i hacked her cellphone. She now believes i am a genuine hacker. Should i tell her the truth or just drag a little longer?15
-
GF made me a Stressball that debugs almost as good as a rubber duck. Downside is that I can't have bananas anymore :(
1 -
A study needs to be done on the therapeutic effects of devRant. My gf tells me I grin like an idiot much more these days 😅4
-
My GF said today that she had a dream where someone took her laptop, deleted elementaryos and installed windows. She was so infuriated and enraged that she woke up, and it took her like five solid minutes to realize that it was just a bad dream, and her Linux is safe.
-
So, I found this :
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, HuntingAndFishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks ...Troubled User
-------
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 installed and work on improving the configuration. I suggest installing the background application YesDear 99.0 to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to do this before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as CleanAndSweep 3.0, CookIt 1.5 and DoBills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0, but beware because sometimes these applications can be expensive.
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
WARNING!!! Attempting to install NewGirlFriend 8.8 along with Wife 1.0 will crash the system.
(see Wife 1.0 manual, Apologize, High Maintenance & Secretary with Short Skirt)7 -
Funny programmer fantasy porn titles.
Add your 2 cents.
I'll start with.
Naive user needs hot reloading for her frontend.
Boss GF wants you to fix her backend.
Go!23 -
Went outside for a jobintervju ...
Isn't it just horrible to go outside and meet something called other people? My GF said it could be good for me, yeah right!
I even saw something called a sun. It was really bright, must be awful to have to watch that thing everyday.8 -
Usually, when I'm in the mood to code, my GF will tease me by sending a lot of text messages at once.
When I'm not in the mood, she had slept earlier :-|3 -
My GF found this on 9gag, though it'd be worth reposting :p
But oh damn I wish it was this easy...
5 -
So I told my gf, if my life becomes dependent on a machine for survival and I am always attached to it. Unplug the machine.
She unplugged my computer2 -
My gf (she is a dev too) gets mad at me, cause i ask for her help and it usually ends up as plain rubberducking...
Not my fault!10 -
Just got a whiteboard as a present from my gf. Decided to use to for flowchart, but I literally never made a flowchart. This...this doesn't seem right. Anyone got any experience with it? Where could I learn and are they actually useful?
5 -
My routine lately :
* Opens devrant*
* Sees loads of posts of developers mentioning their girlfriends or wives*
* Looks around the empty room *
* Gets sad and dies a little.*
* Get back to coding hoping of getting a girlfriend after finishing this project( never gonna happen) *
++ If you ever felt the same.6 -
GF: How was your pitch to investors?
Me: it was great (... went-ahead to talk about the daunting process of the preparation and motivation).
GF: Why do you go through all this process, when you can become a fraudster, you can use voodoo and make it even easier, in less than 3 months you can buy a duplex, nice car and we can go shopping... you don't need to do any human ritual unlike before - I heard you can even meet a chief priest to make it faster for you.
just get the bag abeg (slang for getting rich quick).
Me: Fuck the day I met you, not everyone wants to be a low-life, and fuck out from my life.
Men if you live in a saner society, or you are born to elite/upper-middle-class you don't how lucky you are.
Most times I wonder how I keep my sanity with all these shitty people around. like messed up society where almost everyone is a fucking deep hypocrite
.I know I need to change my circle but how the fuck do I do that when I am surrounded by fuckstards, which are far worst than Gypsies.
lowlifes with low dreams.
I need to get the fuck out of this place!
15 -
My girlfriend is ranting about her work... It's a shame she isn't into tech or something like that.. If she would, I could show her the beauty of this online platform.
-
When was last time you had Fight or Argument(restricted only to texting) with your GF/BF/Spouse while coding?
The amount of text typed on phone is more than the code on screen.8 -
This is why you don't want to have Dev gf. Unless you like emotional Rollercoasters. Trust me, had one...
26 -
Me to gf: hey hun look what I built! (Shows off new project)
Gf: (sees video playing in background) oh that's so cool! Did you do that? (Points at video)
Me: no, but look at this! (Shows off feature)
Gf: oh... well that's great hun, I'm so happy you are doing what you love
-
When Internet Explorer is brave enough to ask to be your standart browser you should be brave enough to ask your girl out!4
-
I had a few girlfriends in the past and now am married for 4 years and can't remember any gfs before the married life. Ever had a pre-identity crisis?
My mind: "WHO THE F&*! WAS I? WHAT DID I DO? ITS LIKE TOTAL RECON AND AMNESIA ALTOGETHER!!"
5 -
People! I'm attending to a hackathon for the first time (this country sucks)
Any advice?
I hope I can get dev friends, or even a dev gf (my whole life dream)11 -
Me and my gf are looking for a house. Since we’re both on temporary contract we want a declaration of intent. For arranging a decent mortgage. My gf get’s called and signed within a day, getting compliments and a thumbs up.
I get called after three days; yeah eh we need to talk about this. I can’t sign this right now. A talk with both director and HR. Let’s get stressed...11 -
Let's find out... (Self-made Long island iced tea, loving my GF for giving me cocktailshaker to birthday)
2 -
class Life extends Death{
public static void main(String...args){
Guy me = new Guy();
me.born();
GirlFriend gf = new GirlFriend();
me.setGirlFriend(gf);
me.getMarried();
me.haveSon();
me.die();
}
}
------- Exception on line 5: NullPointerException, girlfriend cannot be null ---
Daaamnn6 -
my gf visited over the weekend. when she went out to get groceries I kept myself busy looking for a error on a project.
she came back and was like: did you fail to end a sentence with a period.
that solved the problem1 -
Spent almost $20 on stickers with my gf and I don't regret a thing.. How many references can you get?
5 -
She asked for it...
Me: being happy with my first rant, scrolling through the app on mobile in bed
Gf: aah are you now on instagram for nerds?!
Me: ... (sudden realization how 'our world' may be perceived by muggles)
'5 minutes pass, both on mobile'
Gf: hey can you help me get this *feature* to work on my iPhone?
Me: why don't you can ask for help on your photo platform for cool people?
Gf: ... (sudden realization to be nice in order to get help with iCrap)
True story4 -
!dev, very !rant
Going to Romania tomorrow and the next day will finally meet my girlfriend's parents (she's from there). More nervous than I expected to be about a (hopefully) simple thing.14 -
I started a side project: a small app for my gf and me.
In the end it should consist of different features I call modules. Right now there is only one module that suggests a movie to watch from our watchlist.
7 -
I was working on my OOD class project (code analyzer) while my gf was trying to watch greys anatomy...for some reason Netflix and watch series wasn't working and she asked me what do I do...
My spontaneous reply: have u tried github...😕
Her reply: what is that is it like a porn site4 -
Most of guy programmers feel difficult to get a gf . I wonder does girl programmers face the same situation. 🤔🤔🤔14
-
White ones are hand made stickers from my gf as a present. Their cuts are kinda messy because of I literally messed up while cutting but i think i really liked them.
5 -
1. Get some money with little contracts got by my school
2. Pay fucking good holidays with my gf
3. Finish my big school project that will validate almost two years
4. Launch my startup -
!dev
What I feared is happening.
I will barely see my gf for some time (until summer).
I just feel like crying, wanting to do a lot of things with her, barely getting to do so.
On one hand, I have a gf, on the other hand, fuck my life for worsening good things that happen to me.
P. S. if any of you fuckers unironically complain about the fact that I have a girlfriend (and you don't), go to hell22 -
When all your friends (which there ain't much of them) are out doing their own stuff, gf and family at the other side of the country, I'm glad devRant is here keeping me occupied and sane... and of course Steam too (but it'll always be 2nd)...2
-
!dev
Fucking covid.
Three days before I had a week trip to meet some clients / see old friends... Fucking covid.
My gf tested positive just now, and I tested negative, but taking into account 3 days incubation time, the most sensible thing is not to travel.4 -
Sooo my gf dumped me last weekend :(
I remember somebody here had an idea for a dating app for devs. Is that actually a thing? Does anybody have a link?9 -
I was talking to my non-tech gf about how a colleague of mine didn't understand priority queue and show led her an example, during explanation fucked up the example and duplicated priorities of 2 values but they came up in the unexpected order. She wanted to find the logic in it and blamed the computer for being dumb, but it has been ~45 minutes, she has Wikipedia about binary trees & linked list open as well as simple graphs visualising both + armed with pen and paper trying to understand how it all all works..
Achievement Earned?
P.S I am either creating a monstrosity (Frankenstein style) or recruiting a fresh mind to our ranks, either way I am proud af 😢😊😍8 -
I show code for some cool but simple stuff to my gf.
She "how the hell are you able to come up with this shet? Who taught you to program? "
Me "Patience, enthusiasm and google"1 -
My gf tonight
3am: well be returning for 4am
4am: dont worry, at 5 metros start
5am: lets get home at 6
Fuckit -
For my father, I do wizardry, for my mother I do magic, for my brother I type weird stuff, for my gf I code useless stuff, for my grandparents I do nothing, for my non dev friends I make softwares, for my dev friends... Magic again1
-
It was my birthday gf and friends got me drunk, so in response i woke up with a hangover. Coding does not mix well with a hangover 😟
-
Normal gf after breakup- He didn't do it in my favourite position.
Dev gf after breakup- He used tabs.11 -
Girlfriend: I don't get why you love me...
Me: Maybe I should write a Setter method to make it clear.
She didn't understand that joke ._.3 -
When your non-dev gf gets angry on you for not responding to her texts through out the night but you decide to stay quiet because she would never understand that you were trying to fix the code.
4 -
Just the daily android vs iOS bashing with my gf xD I'll never turn to the light side that is iOS.
1 -
My non-techie girlfriend tends to get a tad pissed at me when she understands what people are talking about when she overhears them talking about programming stuff, e.g. "website with Python backend" or "differences between JavaScript and EcmaScript"... what can I say, she's the best rubber duck there is!1
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So my gf just told me she saw a video where YouTube claimed it had no sound - with sound.
I didn't believe her at first.. see for yourself
https://youtu.be/lghQ0PxUOUk
6 -
When you bring your workspace to bed, she knows it's not her night tonight;
And you know tomorrow is gonna be a total stormy day because the forecast is real. -
Anyone ever heard this Google Home Easter egg before? It's apparently a Halloween thing, but it happened to my GF yesterday without her ever saying anything.
Voice command: OK Google, I'm home.
Assistant's response: Welcome home. I've been doing my best to hold down the fort. But it just wasn't the same without you2 -
its seems like ill lose my gf if i start my cs study cuz ill not earn money in this period.. wtf!?
is this dev life?
console.log ("fuck you") ;15 -
My girlfriend comes in and sees me on devrant.
GF: "What is that app? I see you using it all the time. Is it like an endless blog with updates?"
Me: "It's kinda like facebook. But for developers. And you don't have any friends".
GF: "That seems like a sad app"
Credit: i am programmer, i have no life (fb page )7 -
I met my crush last day, she is a junior from the same college, everything was fine until when she wanted to find a recharge shop to recharge her phone. I opened PayTm(One of the Mobile Wallet here in India) and said I'm doing it.
Her reaction : What ? How ? You can do recharge right away from your phone ! wow !
I lost my interest on her :(
She is BTech Final Year Student
Tragedies2 -
Two types of men in this world
The ones admitting to themselves they need a tomboy gf and the ones lying to themselves20 -
I've been up for more than 24 hours and I've a project to finish by Friday evening.
On the other hand, I've a complaining gf.4 -
---12.018 HE----
I want to
- finish my A-Levels
- play less & do more
- work on side project
- learn lots of new programming stuff
- have a great time (making my gf happy <3)1 -
Shopping with gf. This is fuckin bullshit. I want to code... FUCK THIS! DO YOU HAVE TO FUCKIN CHECK EVERY SINGLE FUCKIN ITEM'S SIZE AND PRICE RECURSIVELY? For fuck's sake, I got shit to do!7
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When you finish the complicated code for a feature you spend all day on and it runs without bugs but instead of returning the high-wife your gf looks at you, asks what the feature does and at the end says "but that sounds really easy to make"9
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Your girlfriend is sucking away your time, energy, money, and sanity. Fkkkkkkk me ded plzzz asdfghjkl6
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So, in roughly 2 years?
- Having my driver licence
- Get my graduation (should be in a few months but still)
- Find another work
- Get a better pay
- Loose 40 kgs
- And a GF would be a bonus -
My personal top 4:
good tea,
good booze,
time with gf,
time with friends,
Just clears my head, but doing any of my other hobbies can really help because it just gets me in a different headspace -
I love my gf but she can't talk code, or mathematics etc... What do I do? She refuses to even try becoming interested.25
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Anybody else use ellipses somewhat excessively? My GF pointed it out about me and I was like... Sorry.3
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Joined the dark side.
Used to think (),{},[] meant the same. Just a type of brackets they said
Started counting at 0
Designer/Developer perspective to every website/app I visit
Rubber ducks were children bath toys
And for the love of LINUS! Stop asking me to hack your bf/gf 's social media accounts. -
So I was talking to my gf (a filosopher) about why I don't like a Cisco ad.
She sent me this, this morning. . .
Have you heard about it? Where can I learn more?
2 -
1) clicking on the wk141 tag wouldnt show the wk140 rants
2) big titty mafia mommy gf
3) when i buy something i always have the exact price on my bank account -
My GF doesn't understand anything I say, but she continues to be there to listen to my coding problems.2
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Imagine requesting something from a girl/boy you're interested in, and getting replies in Http codes...
What are the funniest?
402: Payment required
403: Forbidden15 -
!rant
tl;dr: programmer's excuse vs civilian excuse funny moment in conversation w/ gf
pertinent info: gf has access to my calendar; I added my class schedule for the upcoming semester earlier today
gf: you're taking human psychology where as im taking human development lol
me: I'm taking human psychology?
wat
gf: <screenshot of my calendar entry (it's human physiology)>
see
me: OH
Physiology
!=psychology
psybnlogy
close enough
the human brain's word recognition relies on lossy compression
not my fault
.-.
gf: ohhhhhh
I don't have my glasses on and my computer is far so that's my excuse lol
me: LOL
I assumed I misread it
didn't even double check your spelling6 -
Me (waiting for a torrent download): this is gonna take a while. [ISP] is being slow again.
GF: Why not just force download it?1 -
Oh fuck off. Why do you put a fucking iMac on the floor
... Face up I imagine to then have your gf step on it 😡
Why the fuck would you even allow that situation to happen2 -
So the other day I was talking to my gf about how it was crowdy in the metro area and how big the queue was for ticket, she said 'You should never say it was a big queue but it was a long queue' and I said 'It wasn't a big queue but it was a double queue' and I started laughing.
My gf being from a non technical background didn't understand why I was laughing so much.2 -
When your gf texts you and you just dwell into long romantic conversation and forget what you were even coding.(I'm serious it happen to me sometimes, not all the times coz we spent most of time arguing 😂😝)
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Fix for bug x
Fix 2 for bug x
Final fix for bug x
Really final fix for bug x
Another fix for bug x
...
Fix 59 fit bug x
....
As the gf egg bf egg Jr DG DG r
Rf we j RF at uh xD egg GB g2 -
I said a long time ago I wanted to build a website to share memes I collected with my gf
Today I built it, behold: meme4meme.me
Warning: mobile not friendly but doable10 -
My gf wants to be a nomad.
I just like to code in my chosen place of work (home) and not lose focus with moving around.
I'm worried, I get anxiety if I don't find myself in places that let me be productive. I'm very much like a cat in that regard 🐈11 -
I am happy that my gf has started taking programming seriously
And I get super happy when she asks me small doubts
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so far so good... or is it?
after a party-beach-mountain-beach session :
the mood is high
the money is low
the relationship is at crisis ( the gf wants a baby and I'm not sure if brake up isn't better for me )
jobless on the way losing the flat too...
anyone any advice?26 -
My gf has declared devRant to be my 2nd gf because nowadays I spent most of my time with devRant. And she gets visibly upset.8
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I came to hospital to see my ex-girlfriend father because his diagnosised with TB!! I couldn't able to see my ex gf face nor I couldn't control my tears!!!2
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"This is the last warning I'm giving you, don't you dare to talk to my gf"
"But I only listen to errors" -
Python is my wife, Elixir is my sexy girlfriend. While I love my life, the gf presents me what my wife cant. ReactJs/Rxjs is a lovely classic porn. The question is: what the fuck devRant is here???6
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Searching new laptop / system on current laptop / system can hurt feelings of it.
It's same as asking gf which is better girl than you 😂😂😂😂2 -
how to propose your nerd gf here we go...
"you may look attractive like frontend but you need my support like backend and together we can become full stack developer we can create beautiful projects6 -
Do you ever sneeze in bed and then a few moments later it starts raining for a split second? I'm starting to think my gf must have a water sprayer or something. It's really weird.7
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Why it's so damn hard to find a GF as a Dev?
when I talk to one no title about life but dev titles come to my mouth and she has no idea what the heck am i talking about!6 -
Me and my GF at a tea shop. GF knows one of the tea baristas.
Her = "tea barista"
Him = "tea barista"
Her: you're studying queer theory
GF: Yes I am
Him: Why don't they just call it Query
Me: LOLOL
Him: LOLOL
Her && GF: >.>1 -
On holiday with parents and gf...
Wifi here forces you to use their DNS (using Google's or Cloudflare or any other DNS is blocked)...
Can't use my OpenVPN either...
fuck...12 -
I told my friend that only my special snowflakes could borrow my Plex server, so he made the account with
<username>TheSpecialSnowflake#1
So my gf made:
<username>TheSpecialSnowflake#0 -
When you are proud of your work you have finished today, come home and want to explain it to your non-coding gf...never felt so misunderstood in my life
#rightInDaFeels -
ughh I have to have sex with my hot blonde gf while the toilet bowl is full of the large pieces of shits I dropped in them. How can I get so much shit in my bladder it's insane.8
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once I heard a joke that a nerd programmer want to have sex with his so called gf, she said if u could post something online and get 10K reply then she will do it.
guess what that dude did?
he post "PHP is the best language ever" on a dev forum
he got 10K reply in 10min, the gf said ok so be it let's do it.
the guy said could you wait, I really think PHP is the best language ever I need to persuade those assholes on this
at last he win the war but lost the sex1 -
Was going to have some fun refactoring js code on the weekend, gf dragged me to a jazz festival instead </3
I enjoyed it, though -
Engineering life is not easy 😐😐😐😐all those assigments, practicals, vivas...... And above that.... ..no GF 😔😔😔10
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Goals for 2019:
Finally get my CS degree.
Find a job.
Complete at least one of my side projects.
Travel with my gf at least once.
Start a master degree in CS if job allows me.
Get a little closer with my family and friends. -
Hi who knows a tool for reverse image search on Facebook? Someone blackmail my gf by posting her picture and tagging her as a "call me for sex" hooker...16
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!rant && silly
Well so I was thinking of ways to proposing to my non existent geek gf, so far I thought of
Would you do pair life programming with me?
How would you do it?4 -
I recently moved to a house where my gf and me each have our separate office space. However, i’m sitting with my back to the door so whenever i’m in the zone with noise cancelling on and my gf walks in i don’t hear her. Resulting in me having a couple of almost heart attacks lately.
I have ideas about mirrors or sensors but since i’m working of three screens i din’t think it will do. The second option is ofcourse to move the desk to the other side of the room so that i’m facing the door more. But there are no power plugs.
My gf basically locks her door by sitting in front of it. Also she doesnt have a noise cancelling head set.6 -
When is the next space shuttle leaving for mars or moon? Have got to relocate out of this world. Pls who got SpaceX booking phone number. Or elon musk addy?.😔😔 you ask why? I need a geek gf and i can't find one on planet earth..😳😳😳1
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Have you ever need "modify/edit" button in your real world in talking??!
I told my GF a memory which I had with my frnds. It was about drinking and hangOver. She said "You didn't tell that to me!!" I said "I said that before! " again she said "No you didn't!!!" At that moment I was just looking for a modify/edit button!!!😒😒 -
If someone asking me stupid question
Someone: can you hack my gf social media?
Me: Are you a human? [ 10$^10£ - 0.5¥ = ?INR ]5
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