!rant
Was explaining to my gf what a debug duck is, few moments later she came back with this

My GF said today that she had a dream where someone took her laptop, deleted elementaryos and installed windows. She was so infuriated and enraged that she woke up, and it took her like five solid minutes to realize that it was just a bad dream, and her Linux is safe.

I started a side project: a small app for my gf and me.

In the end it should consist of different features I call modules. Right now there is only one module that suggests a movie to watch from our watchlist.

Most of guy programmers feel difficult to get a gf . I wonder does girl programmers face the same situation. 🤔🤔🤔

That time when I ranted about wanting to commit suicide but not having enough energy to go and buy a gun.

That day in the evening, I asked my GF: "I think that the whole life is a humongous rationalization on top of biological avoidance of death".

She has an untreatable neurological disease. She told me "I found out it's a consensus among different philosophers. It absolutely is. I just prefer not to think about it".

!dev just posting here because i need to get this out. depressing post.

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april is going shitty for me and people around me.

1. the worst come when i lost my cat last Saturday. he was a healthy 1.5 year old boy. on Friday morning he slipped out of terrace door to god knows where. we looked around, called his name, he didn't come. he used to do this often, going away for sometime and return in a few hours, sometimes the next day. but this time he didn't returned .
in the night, my whole family was sleeping and i was watching webseries in my room. it was 2 am and i heard some animal growling voices. when i looked outside, some dogs were throwing some large thing left and right.
i woke my dad , ran there and saw that was my boy. his whole body was intact , but he wasn't even blinking his eye. he was warm, we thought he's alive, we rushed to hospital , but nope, he was dead for atleast an hour. i am in shock about what has happened.
ironically he has another brother who is still with us. just friday we went to the vet with his brother because his brother can't walk(from the birth) but him, he was healthy. all from being the size of a fist to a big healthy cat in 1.5 years, and in a day, gone. :'(

2. in the span of last 7 days, my father has recieved 2 calls about his aunts died. both of them were somewhat distant aunts, but there's a shock feeling nonetheless.

3. this uncle who is a nice family friend, his son committed suicide. he was a young , 26ish, thriving , some tech professional in media industry. they haven't shared the cause yet, but his parents are shattered.

4. my friend was so excited about this trip of his to europe/us . He's a great guy who gets great opportunities, and he was to participate in some eth/blockchain event in eu. his visa was yet to arrive for eu but he was pretty sure about it since he already have a very strong passport (3 us trips) . day before the trip , his passport arrives with a rejected visa.

5. another friend had a breakup after an 11 year relationship. this guy is awesome, last month we all went on an amazing trip that he planned impromptu because her gf had to give an exam on that touristy place.

i am feeling shitty and frustrated. every next news i hear, its something bad. hope this ugly phase ends soon

My personal top 4:
good tea,
good booze,
time with gf,
time with friends,

Just clears my head, but doing any of my other hobbies can really help because it just gets me in a different headspace

Not a Number by "Evil Corp". Gf at the reflection

!dev-related

Found out that a pervert from my gf’s highschool took a bunch of screenshots of her Instagram (bikini pictures, etc.) and posted them to the r/breeding and other fucked up subreddits even though she was only 16/17 in the photos

We notified the uni he goes too and nothing happened. We noticed the police of his hometown and they said they couldn’t do anything because he was currently at his uni

He then claimed it was a rumor and it wasn’t him even though the Reddit account that posted it had a previous post that directly connected the Reddit account to his Instagram account and the Reddit account mentioned had a post that mentioned his home town

My poor gf is now having panic attacks bc this motherfucker wanted to jerk his tiny dick off with his retard friends bc they were rejected by her in highschool

It’s taking so much effort not to send him some phishing emails and empty his fucking bank account

how to propose your nerd gf here we go...
"you may look attractive like frontend but you need my support like backend and together we can become full stack developer we can create beautiful projects

Why I can't have a gf?

the environment in my home is very depressing (socially) . How can i change it?

this is not about being living in a small room with smells or something. this is about my family's social life and how it is impacting me.

living with mom and dad as a single child with extreme morals, moralist ideology and no/bitter relations is impacting me a lot.

i will try to cover some points that make us different from other people:

1. i come from a very nuclear family with my parents and me and no siblings. we have 2 cats though

2. we have always been poor and are still struggling. we don't a 4 wheeler, my dad closed his job to be a salesman and he doesn't earn enough for current expenses. we pay our bills from rents from shop and a room for rent on terrace. i am earning 5x my family now, so we are stable but being poor has always been a major impact for me

3. we follow this spritual philosopher/guru as our religion who preach good morals, various currently non existent ("but will be ruling the globe" ) practises and procedures . i am not much into them so i might explain them wrong, but from my 23 yo brain's understanding, some examples will be : extreme vegetarianism (no onion/garlic/egg) , no drinks/smoking , yoga, fasting, some communism/socialism philosophy, meditation , kirtana, etc

4. there is no love amongst my parents or their relatives. i don't know how we are living a loveless life. afaik , the relatives from both sides were bad and treacherous , they were the reasons for our struggles and now we hate them and they don't visit us.
among mom and dad :dad was never someone that mom loved, they just went with the family pressures, and since there was no way for mom to take a stand, she went with the hateful marriage, had me, they jointly struggled to keep me alive while hating each other and never even sleeping together, until i was a decent 23 yo earning by myself. they don't even have friends afaik.

5. cut to today, our lives revolve around not the love for one another but towards this stupid religion dictating the rules of our lives. there are 3 seperate rooms in which we 3 sleep, and mom dad gets into vicious fights on smallest of the things. i then jump in, trying to extinguish the fire by being even the louder voice. and end up hurting them and myself. at the same time , their bodies are now taking a toll : mom has some uterus/liver problems, dad is diabetic and one of our cat's legs don't work.

i just want to run away. i never had friends because they couldn't never relate with me, i didn't go to school picnics, didn't talked with girls, never got into discussions that people would find interesting.

i feel so seperated out from the world. i am an engineer by profession, i have a good number of people that knows me and respects me for my knowledge, but they end up mocking me for my social skills and different life rules when i try to be with them. and they are not at fault. i am the person that is the result of such a big messed up life.

their can't be another person on this planet that will be having a similar life situation, being loveless for so long. i don't see myself having a future at all : i am earning decent but what's the point?

i recently went to a trip with my friends. it was a fun little trip of 3 days. the people were : me, my friend of 9 years of friendship , my friend of 8 years of friendship, gf of the 9 yr friend and 2 stranger girls.
this was such an amazing environment for my brain : i never had a conversation with a girl for more than 10 mins. i envy my friends with gf kissing, going on trips , etc , but this.. this was awesome. the girls were chill , my 8 yof guy was a chick magnet and the setting was that he would woo the slimer girl while i would go with the short one. although nothing happened, i just observed how the guys and girls would talk and relate and how i am different.

it's my 2nd trip with friends, and its completely the same: i goto a trip, enjoy the best 6-7 days of my life, learn that i am very different from the world, that the world perceive of me as a very simple , naive person with limited social exposure, and that i have a very conservative beta male , moralist mamma's boy personna.

when i come home with these thoughts, i end up being angry , blaming them for this, because they are the ones who made me like this, weather due to their struggling life or just morals. and i end up being rude to them and being a sad regretful person.

i just broke my dad's phone because they were again fighting, being very loud and i wanted to end all this.

what should i do? can i change something? is it always going to be like this? who in this home can be happy with a shitty environment like this? will their be a girl that wants to see this mess by marrying me?

I recently moved to a house where my gf and me each have our separate office space. However, i’m sitting with my back to the door so whenever i’m in the zone with noise cancelling on and my gf walks in i don’t hear her. Resulting in me having a couple of almost heart attacks lately.

I have ideas about mirrors or sensors but since i’m working of three screens i din’t think it will do. The second option is ofcourse to move the desk to the other side of the room so that i’m facing the door more. But there are no power plugs.

My gf basically locks her door by sitting in front of it. Also she doesnt have a noise cancelling head set.