We were in a group project with about 7 people.

One of the guys who ran windows needed to work with arduino and couldn't get it to work after hours of trying.

I suggested Ubuntu and they immediately started to bash me for being 'that linux nazi'.

"shut your cock sucking mouths. I'm not a fucking linux nazi, at least give it a fucking shot."

Well, it worked from the first second.

Fuck those cock suckers

Manager: Give me an estimate for this project.
Me: It will take end to end approx two months.
Manager: Can you do it in a day. Make some magic happen. This is high critical for business.
Me: Sure. I have a small requirement from you to achieve it.
Manager: What
Me: Please get me the 'Limitless' capsule.

Still missing my devRant sticker...

Me (front dev): We should use nodejs for this project...
CTO (back): Nah... Fu*k Node! Php ftw
Now: we have a php framework with a nodejs server for the front end

I recently met a young fella (14yo) playing League of Legends. He asked:
- What do you do for a living?
- I'm a programmer, do you know anything about programming?
- I don't, actually.

Apparently he was playing from a LAN Gaming center 'cause he didn't have a computer at home (his computer had broken and these Lan centers are pretty affordable).
I figured I could explain to him what was it and what super powers you could get from it. Turns out I recommended a JS course in codecademy and now he goes to the LAN center every day to study programming (he got really into it!).
Now he always pings me with questions about JS and apparently he's learning a ton! He had almost no English skills too (we're Brazilian), and because most of the material in the internet is in English he found himself some free English courses and he's now taking them!

Knowledge is free on the internet and I guess he's just realized that.

Not exactly a rant guys, just figured it was a nice story to tell :)
#TeachAKidHowToCode

!n case someone is unfamiliar with this joke ::

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."

The man below replies, "You must work in management."

"I do," replies the balloonist, *"But how'd you know?"**

"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."

Friend : Dude I have mastered Object Oriented Programming. I work only in classes now.
Me : That's nice! Only a Few people manage to master it. Which language do you prefer though?
Friend : CSS
Me : :/

I haz degree

What do you call a party with developers?

A git together

I'm so sorry.

Just two wishes!
#1 : Way to download images rather than having to screenshot
#2 : Code with syntax hilighting
#3 : I know I'm of by one, but a coding font maybe?

If I have to read the "Java developers don't C#, so they wear glasses" joke one more time, I will murder a kitten.

European Union WhatsApp Group

be like😂😂

It’s not a bug – it’s an undocumented feature.

(after 1 month working on native android app).
Me: The android app is now ready.

Boss: okay great... Can we have the ios one ready for launch tomorrow.

Me: No it will take some time.
Boss: why you already have the Code can't you just make an ios app out of it... Like copy and paste

Me:😡😡🆘

When someone refuses to attend your standup but then holds a 2 hour weekly mandatory meeting for status updates . . .

i hate everything about programming except programming.

i hate version control, i hate agile, i hate package managements, i hte deploying, i hate clients. I hate that i cant get shit done.

A project manager 😂

When PM sets up a meeting to discuss stuff that can be solved over an email

A normal person believes a kilobyte is 1000 bytes, a coder believes a kilometer is 1024 meters.
-Unknown

The best thing about a boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.

challenge accepted

most evil thing to do...

Hell yeah 😂 Every developer once in a lifetime 🙄

JavaScript != Java!

Get this at least 2 times a week.

You realize that you are a developer when you can't stop thinking about a bug that has been messing your code.

When bae walks around naked to get you off the computer 👌🏻😁

When you just can't get a break...

Sometimes, when you fix a bug ...