Co-incidence??

Creepy..... WTF

What my lecturer think I have learned:
- Programming Patterns
- C, C++, Java
- Socket programming, web programming
- Operating system...

What I have actually learned:
1. printf("Hello World");
2. echo "Hello World";
3. console.log("Hello World");
4. Console.Writeline("Hello World");
5. cout << "Hello World" >> endl;
6. System.out.println("Hello World");
7. puts "Hello World";
8. "Hello World"
9. write("Hello World");
10. Display "Hello World"

Programmers of today are like the monks of the middle ages. We use a language that people don't understand, we spend all our time sitting in a room reading, and people constantly ask us for advice but never really listens to the answer.

Reason to get a girlfriend: Interactive rubber duck.

When a client refuses to pay you because they don't like the color of their logo.

I was hired to build a website.

Nice try...

And then there is this beauty...

If Java had true garbage collector it would delete itself.

Found this gem in our code

Yep lol

I've been doing agile wrong my entire life

When you fuck up your repo so bad it transforms into guitar hero

A young guy I work with burst into tears today, I had no idea what happened so I tried to comfort him and ask what was up.

It appears his main client had gone nuts with him because they wanted him to make an internet toolbar (think Ask.com) and he politely informed them toolbars doesn't really exist anymore and it wouldn't work on things like modern browsers or mobile devices.

Being given a polite but honest opinion was obviously something the client wasn't used to and knowing the guy was a young and fairly inexperienced, they started throwing very personal insults and asking him exactly what he knows about things (a lot more than them).

So being the big, bold, handsome senior developer I am, I immediately phoned the client back and told them to either come speak to me face-to-face and apologise to him in person or we'd terminate there contract with immediate effect. They're coming down tomorrow...

So part my rant, part a rant on behalf of a young developer who did nothing wrong and was treated like shit, I think we've all been there.

We'll see how this goes! Who the hell wants a toolbar anyway?!

Coworker starts to write project documentation in Word (y)
"Markdown is too ugly and hard to use"

When Bower works but NPM doesn't.

When you come back to your own code after days

FP > OOP
I wish the enterprise world starts learning this!

"You do stuff with computers, can you fix my pc? "

-.-

Spring Framework stacktrace... sigh
(I hear the J2EE folks have it worse)

80% of coding is just staring at the code thinking about how to implement a particular feature into the code...

Found this code back in jQuery 1.9.1. Checked again, and t is still here in jQuery 3.1.0. Suppose it is just in case the values of true and false ever change 😃

Backend engineer doing frontend. The eternal struggle of centering an object.

yea, basically me learning right now.

When people refer to node as s language 😫😫😫😫😫

RANT: This one might be a repost and we might not even know.

RANT II: It took me 2 hours to find similar issue for two reasons.. Java and a dumbass motherfucker dev that named functions "mcf"/"MyFold"/"HelpingMeMaking" and was to dumb to make it OP.

A new way of making bad commits:
alias fuckit='git commit -m "$(curl -s whatthecommit.com/index.txt)"'

Its like Russian roulette with commit messages!

I will grab some food after fixing this bug, aaaaaannnnddddd you haven't eaten anything from 2 days.

MySQL issues...

Bae: come over
Me: can't, tests are failing
Bae: Flatmates aren't home
Me: