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My coworker left his Windows 10 system unlocked today.
Me:
1. Print screen on desktop
2. Saves the image
3. Sets image as wallpaper
4. Hides desktop icons
5. Changes taskbar alignment to the right and enables auto hide.
6. 🤣🤣🤣36 -
*In Office
Coworker raises his head, looks at boss: "I'm leaving".
Boss raises head looks at coworker: "Ok".
All this took 5 seconds,..the weirdest 5 seconds of my life10 -
Github stats:
coworker 1: 3,535k ++ 987k --
coworker 2: 1,563k ++ 735k --
etc.
me: 453k ++ 7,848k --
I guess this confirms my job at the company as "Backend Crap Remover".7 -
I cannot spell for shit, so my coworker keeps commenting on my pull requests with spelling fixes...
Decided to buy this for him today...
12 -
Boss walked towards his office asking a coworker to do something.
Coworker replied that he'd like to but only the boss has the login codes or something like that.
Boss: ah right *walks to coworkers table* let me enter that stuff *starts typing*
Coworker: Maybe I'm running a keylogger 😏
Me: *exchanging funny eye contact with coworker* yeah maybe he is.... 😏
Boss: *looking back and forth at both our faces suspiciously*
Coworker: 😏😏😏
Me: 😏😏😏
Coworker: 😏😉
Me: 😏😆
Boss: 😐
*three of us laughing*
😆10 -
Me: can you send me the link to the pdf?
Coworker: sure: "file:///c:/users/dipshit/fuckme.pdf"
Me: FML...6 -
Me : So how's the deadlines here?
Coworker : There are none.
Me : ?
Coworker : if they are unrealistic, we push non-working code. Prod comes up with bugs, and we get a new sprint to resolve those bugs.
Me: ╰[ ⁰﹏⁰ ]╯10 -
Real conversation:
Coworker: I'm trying to classify data based on X
Me: Mhh. Seems like a hard task, we don't have data to figure out X
Coworker: I know! That's why I thought about using machine learning!
Me: (Oh, boy)
Coworker: I'm working on training this ML model that will be able to classify based on X
Me: and what are the inputs for your training?
Coworker: The data classified based on X
Me: And where did you get that from?
Coworker: I don't have it! That will be the output of my ML model!
Me: But you just said that was the input!
Coworker: Yes
Me: Don't you see a contradiction here?
Coworker: Yes, it's a pretty complicated problem, that's why I'm stuck. Can you help me with that?
Me: (Looking at my watch) Sorry I'm late for a meeting. Catch up later, bye!14 -
Me: **posts 🔥rant**
Me: **gets flood of devRant notifs**
Coworker: "What push API are you testing?"
😉1 -
That moment when your coworker puts on loud music, you're wondering if your boss is going to like this and then your boss turns his music twice as loud and the two start a battle of who can play their music the loudest.
Yup it was friday again!14 -
Me: "Ahh yes finally done making this big module that does X, took me 2 weeks but its done!"
Coworker: "You know there's a plugin that does X right?"
Me: "Just go..."
Coworker: "Ohh and it also does Y which makes X easier if you have to do Z"
Me: "GET OUT OF HERE I NEED TO CRY"6 -
So at work today my coworker overlooked my laptop running Linux with i3.
Coworker: How do you live with this?
Me: What do you mean? This is customized to work with Git and my IDE efficiently while I do dev ops with my server.
Coworker: Your mouse barely works and you operate this thing totally on keyboard shortcuts. Linux will never be a serious platform.
Me: I'm not saying you or anyone at work has to use this, I built an environment to suite my needs. Same as anyone. I thought you liked consumer choice?
Needless to say we didn't get much further beyond him thinking I was nuts for configuring my server in the cli. I swear I don't understand why I try to explain anymore. 😡19 -
Non-dev coworker (ndc) sees me using google chrome: I don't understand why chrome is so popular. I hate it and don't know why anyone would use it.
Me: what browser do you use?
NDC: internet explorer.
Me: why do you like ie better than chrome?
NDC: it does everything chrome can do and it's free.
Me: ie can NOT do everything chrome can do and chrome is free. You just have to download it from google.
NDC: no I read that chrome is proprietary software and why would I pay to use it when ie is free.
Me: ie is also proprietary software. Proprietary doesn't necessarily mean it costs money it's just not open source. Plus ie is not free. You paid for it when you bought the windows license that came with your computer.
NDC: no ie was already on the computer when I bought it so I didn't have to pay for it.
Me: it was included in the price of the computer but you still paid for it.
NDC: whatever I'm going to keep using ie because it's free for me.
ARE YOU RETARDED???27 -
After I submitted a code review:
Coworker: What did you mean with this comment?
Me: **translating the comment to Portuguese** Your Footer component isn't rendering any footer element.
Coworker: **blank stare** what?
Me: There is no footer tag here. **points to Footer component**
Coworker: **computing... found approximate result** I'm rendering the Footer here. **shows me where the Footer component is being rendered**
Me: **internal facepalm** Yes, I know, but I'm not talking about that. I'm saying that inside the Footer component you should be rendering a footer element.
Coworker: **segmentation fault** what?
And then I had to explain that there is an HTML footer element. To a mid level frontend developer (or so they say).
HTML is not only divs, for fuck sake.26 -
"Don't waste your time on writing comments or documentation, as long as the code works!" - My (Ex-) Coworker5
-
Coworker: Can you create program for me?
Me: What this "program" going to do?
Coworker: Hack bank network and send me money. Can you make it for Android?
😆😆😆7 -
Fellow front end coworker got asked via email today to "capitalize the '2019' in the headline".
Still laughing over this.14 -
Coworker: "Hey do you have 30 minutes? We should debug my broken code together."
Me: *slightly interested in the project he's working on* "Sure, let's do it."
Coworker: *explains the problem for 10 mins*
Me: "Maybe--"
Coworker: "OH here's the problem!" *type type type* *git commit -am 'Fixed'* "Done."
Me: *wants 10 minutes of life back*9 -
So my coworker just got this error on production server, and well, the stack trace stood out to us all...
5 -
I know that my coworker can't write a single fucking operable line of code. So I wrote a script that is called everytime someone pushes new commits. If the commits contain the username of my coworker, create a ticket in YouTrack with the Label "Rewrite", and assign it to the files changed.
So I had that running for a longer time, and my dumbfuck of coworker hardcoded the credentials of the server in a networking library. One of the credentials was his username. He then updated the copyright on the whole project(which adds a copyright in the top of every file), also in the included librarys(!). The script had a check if the files are related to the project or just librarys. In the end, he pushed all of that with another account(in fact, a reporter account), which had another name(and didn't even belong him). So the files didn't belong to the project, the script sees his username anyways, the script assigns a rewrite, and in the end, everyone in the team thinks I'm mad because I(the script with my account) assigned a rewrite to a HUGE library.
PS: It was great fun to remove these copyright notices.8 -
Coworker: hey man, do you know what is the limit for z-index on CSS?
Me: not sure but I think it is the signed int limit.
Coworker: the waaat?
Me inside: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!7 -
"I'd rather post my nude pictures in slack than this unfinished feature branch... I would just feel a bit *too* naked"
— coworker4 -
me: "ah, my scraper is nearly done - just need some final tweaks"
coworker: "JuSt FrOm LoOkInG aT yOuR ScReEn A fEw TiMeS tOdAy, I cAn TeLl YoU iT wOnT wOrK"
me, infuriated by his idiot mentality but not trying to start anything: "ah, its fine, I've already scraped 3000+ entities"
coworker: "but it wont work."
me: "but... its working..."
coworker: "but it won't work."
me: "ok."
sometimes its just better to just affirm the narcessistic assholes. make sure they are right.4 -
Coworker: "Hey I have the final logo for your software"
Me: "Awesome, only a few bugfixes after my holiday and we are good to go on production. 2 more hours to go until I am free for a week."
Coworker: "After your holiday? Boss said it goes on production tomorrow!"
Me: "You are kidding me, aren't you? There is no way I can do all the work today and push to production!"
Coworker: "Boss promised the client..."
How about boss can go an f himself? He knows I have some other project to finish today and that I am leaving. This is in our team cal for over a month now! Ahhh. My coworker now has to deal with it-.-2 -
---- Startup RantLife ----
A senior developer joined the team, let's name him Bob, and this guy is really good no doubts about that.
He made suggestions, some improvements, but Bob is always waving his hands and says out loud that some part of the code base is really really bad.
I kept quiet until one day I had to pair with Bob to check a feature. Guess what happened, as usual, Bob clenched his fist and start pointing that this code is super ugly.
So let's check the history of changes and boom, Bob was the main writer.
That moment, I was completely silent, trying not to smile as Bob came up with an excuse, he never admits that he is wrong, now he needs a scapegoat and he starts blaming the process, the planning...
I believe that being humble and saying sorry is a quality that it requires time to develop.
So don't be like Bob, please :)12 -
A coworker found this picture yesterday and it perfectly describes our product a month before release
4 -
coworker: what's your address?
me: 173.168.15.10
coworker: no, your local address
me: 127.0.0.1
coworker: no, your physical address
me: 29:01:38:62:31:58
coworker: ...........4 -
Me: Damn it guys, you broke the master branch again.
*Fixes master branch*
*15 minutes later*
Coworker: Bro, master branch is broken again.
Me: Oh for fuck's sake, who did it this time?
Coworker: You did.
Me: I have become the very thing I've swore to destroy.1 -
I had a coworker used to write PHP pages in this way:
<?php
echo "<html>";
echo "<head>";
// 2000+ lines of un-indented nightmares
I tried suggesting him to keep the HTML outside php tags as much as possible and I stressed out that adding some indentation to the code would have improved readability. I also sent him an example of my code created using an IDE with auto-indent functionality.
His creepy answer was: «Readability is subjective. Anyway I'll try to get used to the sinusoidal trend of your code.»11 -
Trying to explain to a coworker that the AJAX call he would like to do will not work due to same-origin policy restriction.
Coworker: «But for me it is working.»
Me: «What browser are you using?»
Coworker: «Internet Explorer»
LMAO2 -
Christmas came early for my coworker. He wanted 6 monitors, IT is giving him three Samsungs in portrait.
4 -
Trying to convince my coworker to have a git repo instead of resending chunks of code in Slack... lmao12
-
Coworker: I wish excel had a dark theme.
Other coworker: it does just use this macro
Ctrl + A, Ctrl + A, Alt + HH + right arrow + enter.
I tried it... it selects every cell in the whole worksheet and changes the background color to black.5 -
"HTML and Css don't work well together" - some wisdom from my coworker after meddling with some height settings in css8
-
A co-worker/friend came in to work this morning and told me how amazing his interview went yesterday and how amazing the company is. He said he won't know if he got the position till Monday after they interview the other guy.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the other person they are interviewing is me. I think it might get awkward when Monday comes and I'm not at work and he realizes why.15 -
Marketing coworker: We MUST integrate with XYZ
Me: sure, they have a REST API and OAuth2. What part of our system do you want to integrate with XYZ?
coworker: Emmm... I don't know. Everything
Me: ...okay. What does XYZ even do?
coworker: Emmm... our customers use it, so we have to integrate with them.
Me: fine. I'm reading that XYZ has function ABC and PQR. Which one do our customers use?
coworker: ABC, definitely ABC
...
coworker: Our customers say nothing is working!
*looks into the problem*
Me: That's because they're using PQR and not ABC.
This kind of research is NOT my job, it's YOURS5 -
Coworker: This guy's computer is completely messed up...
Me: What? Why?
Coworker: So he installed some virus...
Me: Yeah? And...?
Coworker: And apparently it changed all certificates for antivirus programs into Untrusted Certificates - so he can't install anything that could remove the virus!
Me: That's horrifying..7 -
Coworker 1: Ugh, what name should I give this variable? Any idea?
Coworker 2: Doesn't matter that much. Just give it a name.
Coworker 1: ** Types in "albert" **6 -
Starting a new project
Me: This time we'll follow all the best practices, do atomic commits and write meaningful commit messages.
Coworker: Yeah! Let's start.
40 commits later.
Me: Why is .idea folder in the repository?
Coworker: Sorry My Bad.
Me: 👿👿👿👿6 -
I was trying to procrastinate with swag :P
Edit credits - Nik the coworker with Nik as his nickname (nik0333)
12 -
Coworker: According to science, people who work with math or computers are least likely to get divorced.
Me: Well that's because they're least likely to get married.
Coworker: ...In order to participate in the study you had to be married at least once
Me: It was a joke, man!
Coworker: Well it wasn't a funny one!
Me: ...it was to me...7 -
Me: "Hey <coworker>, I got this mistake do you know why?"
Coworker: "Seems to me like you didn't put <thing> in there"
Me: "No way, I just edited it here"
*looks at file*
"Oh, I didn't save that"
*saves file*
"Oh hey, it works now 😅"
Office: 🤣🤣🤣
Mondays, I guess 🤷♂️3 -
Lead Dev: Just use jQuery, it'll save us from adding a whole new directive in Angular.
Me: 🤦♂️
Coworker: 🤦♀️10 -
My coworker implemented this date extension for no reason. Also handles back before they changed it. He wrote tests too
6 -
I am afraid describing my weirdest coworker would result in me getting stabbed by him with a Mickey Mouse mug. There is no coworker in the world as weird as him, and he would instantly recognise me if I were to describe him here.
I am afraid of his Mickey Mouse fetish. Actually he is 35+ and used t *gets stabbed with a Mickey Mouse mug*
7 -
Coworker: Why isn't my internet working? I've checked everything, even the ethernet cable!
Me: *sobs*
Me: *connects ethernet cable*
Me: Try now... -
A coworker broke a project for days because he wrote "Juampi was here" in another person's code as a joke.3
-
New job today, here is my start so far:
coworker: Hi, first you have to set up your lamp project..
me: Good, let's do it.. Please give me the repo git URL
coworker: here is everything, but.... the database is on MySQL.
me: ok, did you have any TeamSQL or something to track this?
coworker: nop.
me: check the database and see the whole file size is 4GB.... Checking the file on plain .txt i see the problem WORDPRESS.
So far to import this file on my LAMP i use Bigdump script and works like a charm.
coworker: Take it easy dude, it's your first day. You can do this task in a few days, don't rush it.
me: :/7 -
$ git push
> current branch is behind
$ git push -f
... 5mins later coworker is asking why his commits have disappeared.6 -
Coworker: There's clearly a bug here, this thing just says OFF and doesn't work!
Me: Well, did you try switching it to ON?
Coworker: OH SHIT that fixed it!3 -
Coworker: Hey, you made some changes over here in module X?
Me: Yeah. The old way was deprecated and we need to switch all of our modules over to the new way.
Coworker: Okay. I'm working in module Y now. When are you going to get to it and make those changes?
Me: ... I sent out an email and a message in group chat saying we all need to make these changes as we find them.
Coworker: Uh-huh. So when are you going to update this? It's blocking me.3 -
I've of my best friends and coworker told me today that he will leave the company to move to his girlfriend.
Sad but understandable... 😐3 -
When your coworker writes his own selection sort instead of using the built in Arrays.sort()
Efficiency at its finest...
-
Before I left for vacation two weeks ago, I busted my butt to build out another portion of my frontend testing framework and get it in place (and spec’d) to unblock a coworker on a semi-high-priority ticket. I sent him detailed notes on which areas of the product it covers, how to use it, and copied one of his (blocked) tests over and updated it to use the new methods, pattern, namespacing, etc.
I came back today and discovered … he hasn’t even touched it. Everything is exactly as I left it.
Wheeeeeee.10 -
A coworker that is producing incredibly bad code and refuses to learn new stuff was declared "senior developer" by my boss. And me with over 20y experience? I am just a junior.. and have to clean up his mess all the time. I guess it is time to find new job.
5 -
Customer: Do you need my computer password?
Me: Yes, I do. Why don't you write it down for me? *fills out work order form while she writes down her password*
Customer: Here you go *slides me sticky note with password on it*
Me: *usual spiel about computer repair stuff*
Customer: *leaves*
Me: *to Coworker* So this lady's password is "AmishForLife* (modified for security purposes).
Coworker: On her iPad?!
Me: And her computer, yes
Coworker: *laughs*
Me: I wonder how well that's working out for her... -
Coworker: I've got an error, can't figure it out...
Me: Send error
Coworker: NullPointerException
Me: fml
Sr. my balls.1 -
Me: Can you do the javadocs comments
Coworker: I've never done that, *looks for it on google*, I can't do it, I don't know how.
Me: Did no one asked you to comment you code at school?
Coworker: Yeah, but only the ones with '//'
Me: Ok, bring me coffee1 -
Coworker: We you have to estimate these tasks.
Me (thinking): This task should take one day, but I'll add 4 hours in case something unexpected happens again.
* Estimates 12h
Coworker: Alright, the tasks for this sprint have been selected. Please start to work on them.
Me: * Starts working on certain task
* Sees time available for task
2d 4h (=20h)
* Writes coworker
Dude, that much time is overkill for that task!
Coworker: Yeah, the client said something similar.
Me: Then why did you estimate it that high?
Coworker: 🤷♂️
Me: Ok, what am I gonna do with all that extra time? 😑
Coworker: 🤷♂️
Thanks mate.
Around 4 hours in and almost done. What should I do with that extra time?
Task in question: Add a mutually exclusive field to a database table, add it to the form, test it and update the docs.
Enjoy the unrelated, clickbait cat
13 -
Wanna gently annoy your coworker? Every time they send you an idea about something code related, just respond with:
"git checkout shitty_ideas"3 -
When a coworker thinks that you're friends because they watched The IT Crowd with 1337 subtitles on
3 -
Year 0:
Coworker:
ARGH! I fuckin hate JavaScript!
Me:
Keep going! Everyone started as a novice. You'll manage.
Year 2:
Coworker:
Hmm. JavaScript is actually pretty nice!
Me:
See, you are a successful junior now!
Year 4:
Coworker:
ARGH! I fuckin hate JavaScript!
Me:
Well, so you eventually reached senior level. Nice!1 -
Coworker went on vacation for the first time in forever... I wonder if she'll notice something different 😂😳
9 -
!Rant
> Go to co-workers working machine
> install tmux and mps-youtube
> play very subtle sounds from console
> close console but keep session running with tmux
> watch coworker go insane because he can't detect the sound source
How to make your coworker go insane in 5 easy Steps3 -
Last Friday a coworker asked me what a Singleton is.
He graduated 3 years ago.
I think we have to improve our hiring process.12 -
So a coworker made a backup script that asynchronously copies the backup to the remote backup space and then deletes the backup:
scp backup.tgz remote: &
rm backup.tgz
Spot the bullshit.2 -
“Commit“ sounds like the german “komm mit“(come with me).
NonDev coworker asked me what “Komm mitting“ is1 -
So my dumbass coworker did it again.
He included 600kb to the initial load of one of our platforms to use ONE FUCKING CSS CLASS!!! Wtf man?3 -
I am sooooo very happy & grateful that my coworker wrote down this comment.. I'd have been lost without it! :/
-
Shit Project Managers say.. to my coworker when I'm not there :
"Hey do you think she's working hard enough ?..I don't know, she has only made 2 commits in the past week so.. "
Fortunately my coworker defended me and told me after but yeah.. As if you could measure efforts and work in development by counting lines of code, fuck-tard.5 -
That look when a coworker who could not write a logic statement tells you to comment out more of your work!
1 -
I recently came across my old interview assignment code which I had written while I was still in college. Oh my God, it was cringy! It was such crappy code 😂
My coworker (who had interviewed me) saw it too. He was surprisingly very chill about it, saying that the code is not bad, it just shows a lack of experience. I think I will choose to believe him 🙃4 -
JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DONT TOUCH ANYTHING FUCKING IDIOT!
Changes my code while I’m in holidays, deletes the tests that fail and pushes it to master. No backwards compatibility or anything..
Now I can spend a week to revert all his changes because they break lots of stuff and pray that he didn’t mess up the data too much..9 -
My coworker complains how the girl who got his old job keeps phoning him asking for help. He stops talking about it only to ask for my help1
-
Coworker: Now you have "Windows" of opportunity to use Linux.
Me: 😑😒 wipe that smirk off your face.
CW: 😉1 -
Me: this App is not working ...
... Few minutes later ...
Me: Can someone help me?
Coworker approaches : Are you trying to modify the bundle.js file?
Me: ...
Coworker tells the whole team and they start laughing at me 🤦♂️9 -
Ever spend hours debugging and your coworker mutters "... It's probably XYZ" and they are right? 😵1
-
STOP PUTTING TWO SPACES AFTER PUNCTUATION THIS ISN'T 1900 ANYMORE AND YOU WEREN'T EVEN BORN YET IN THE TIME OF TYPEWRITERS26
-
One of my customers' laptop background (removed sensitive information and desktop icons).
Coworker: When you really love Chrome, but don't know what hi-res is!
8 -
Showed my coworker this. He sat there staring in agony and groaning.
Coworker: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh
Me: "Is your coworker broken? Fix them in just three easy steps!"
-
First hour of work today, installing the creators update...
Fortunately I helped a coworker in this time.11 -
My coworker "fixed" a bug. Then an issue was reported to me. He refactored something that we both used(And my code was already working right). I asked him about it. He didn't care about it and also was upset about my question. A question that I didn't ask in a "rude" way.. The worst: the refactor only required 30 seconds to do!!!
What!!!
Please guys if you refactor do it right or don't do it at all. Have a nice day9 -
Boss: so, problem x happened
Coworker 1: huh weird, what database is being used?
Boss: *adds Coworker 2 to the call*
Boss: so, problem x happened
Coworker 2: oh 😳 i forgot to tell everyone i changed the names of the tables and everything is now here
Me, just listening: 🤦♀️
Dude... he's nice, but c'mon, that's a dick move14 -
So I am assigned to a new team to take over the leading position because the guy who did it up till now quit. And there is this guy who today seriously shared his screen with my boss and the rest of the team to point out that I formatted something wrong...
Realy it was something like
super.doFunctionA().thenFunctionB() instead of putting it like
super
.functionA()
.functionB()
He said he wanted to call me out early to avoid spreading of this "wrong formatting"
He wants to start a war? This fuckhead can have it!
Soon I will be the one who writes his tasks... hf8 -
Learn enough docker to convince my coworker that it is not the solution to EVERY problem, especially not to our problem8
-
My new coworker: That "I know everything about all and I'm better than you" kind. Is working on Accounting but already has her fingers on my work, telling my boss things like "that's easy to do"...
Of course, she knows absolutely nothing about programming and I.T., but is easy for my boss to believe an easy lie than a complex truth.
(sorry, crude language and caps follows)
Hey, listen you fucking excuse of person, DO YOUR FUCKING JOB and stay away of my DAMN GOOD FUCKING CODE and my FUCKING SERVERS.
Not going to give you admin access in a gazillion years, even if my life depends on it.
And stop saying nonsenses about things that you WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND, because those things are too complex and abstract for your little stupid mind to understand.
Go ahead, mess with me! Will sue you to the end of your FUCKING world!
Thanks girls/guys/lasses/lads.
This is absolutely therapeutical.4 -
The joys of Drupal.
Coworker: i can't hide this option from this select. it's been created programmatically by another module.
Me: doesn't that mean you defined it somewhere?
C: nope, the module does it with the whole taxonomy
M: can't you interact with it somehow,
C: i don't know
M: you don't know?
C: it's a module by the community, i don't understand it
M: *what the fuck.* ...fine. can you hide it with some js for now?
C: i tried no. they get loaded at different times from different behaviours.
M: then... what?
C: i don't know, i've been searching drupal.org for the whole morning to no avail.
M: *god. damn.* Create the select with something else, then? maybe by raw php?
C: that's bullshit! you don't create elements lile that in 2018! no one writes php or html anymore, unless he"s retarded!
Bloody hell. I'm not covering for this. My part is done (in rails) and i'll deliver it this afternoon. Not for this kind of delay. -
Recruiter calls to my open office job, asks for me.
Coworker: hey Such N. Such is on the phone for you.
Me: idk who he is, tell him to leave a message.
Coworker: ok. He says to please call him back about an amazing dev position @ XYZ.
Savage
2 -
Me: Hey, can you help me with that?
Coworker: Sure
* Looks at code *
Ah, you just have to...
* Tries to type *
Uhm, do you the vim plugin?
Me: yeah, is that a problem?
Coworker: Weird flex but it's ok
* tries to type solution *
Uhm, do you also use another keyboard layout?
Me: Yes, I use the US layout (instead of the german layout)
Coworker: I'm done with this, you type
Me: 🤣🤣🤣2 -
Coworker: I did not progress much but at least I managed to get rid of all compiler warnings.
Me: That's okay. What were they about?
Coworker: No idea.
Me: How did you get rid of them then??
Coworker: I removed the "Wall" option when I use gcc. -
Not Speaking The Same Programming Language
(It is the mid 80s, and I have a coworker come to me with two full pages of computer programming source code.)
Coworker: “Hey, can you help me with this? This function is not working right.”
Me: “Sure. What’s it do?”
Coworker: “Well, on the first line I copy…” *drones on for a few seconds about stuff I can clearly read*
Me: “Wait! Let me interrupt for a moment. I can read the code. In 20 words or less, what does this do?“
Coworker: *long pause that tells me he’s having trouble seeing the forest for the trees* “It, um, converts a date that’s a string to three integers: month, day, and year.”
Me: “Ah! Excellent. And by the time you get the string, has it been sanitized? You know, guaranteed to be pairs of digits with a slash in-between, not blanks or words or other garbage?”
Coworker: “Oh, yeah, all the user input is cleaned up.”
Me: “Okay, good.”
(I scribble “sscanf(text, “%02d/%02d/%02d”, &month, &day, &year);” in a blank spot on the page.)
Me: “Throw out everything and replace it with that.”
Coworker: “You’re kidding.”
Me: “Not at all. Use that. It’ll work. Trust me.”
Coworker: *not sure* “Well, okay.”
(Half an hour later he’s back and looking a bit sheepish.)
Coworker: “That worked. Thanks.”
Me: “No problem.”
(It’s been 30 years. Unfortunately, the new generation of programmers is in the same spot.)
https://notalwaysright.com/not-spea...2 -
Freelancer/coworker: "Why don't you just use source tree instead of git in the command line?"... me: *face palm*3
-
I spent two days of debugging for a typo. Literally two characters were switched.
Took my coworker 3 seconds to find it.1 -
Like any frontend dev working in an organisation, all of what I do are "designed" by an UX/UI designer. Now he fucking has a problem with me and has been going around saying he's gonna resign because of me. (Apparently he said that while walking away from where I was with the intention of it falling in my ears but I was oblivious to it).
On enquiring (to another colleague)why he has a problem with me he said I don't respect him. Perplexed(more curious), I asked what is it that I do to disrespect him and what I found out was out of the world.
I DISRESPECT HIM BY ASKING HIM QUESTIONS ABOUT THE WORK HE DOES.
Awesome, right? Not only does he consider that disrespect but he also takes it personally. WTH?! I'm not supposed to ask why you do a certain things?
Some of my questions -
1. Why are there font sizes of 13px, 14px, 15px right next to each other?
2. Why is there a gap between the sidebar and the content?
3. Why aren't even sizes being used?
Etc.
So much for maturity. He's completely ignoring me, be it on the floor or during meetings. I couldn't care less. It wouldn't take me much to tell him where he's fucking up. The only reason I asked him questions was to understand things better; maybe I don't understand what I find wrong.
But now ~(˘▾˘)~4 -
When your coworker decides to torrent on the work internet and it starts slowing other stuff down.. Have fun ;)
3 -
!rant
I am a developer at a tech company. The tester in my team refuse to test my work because he feel I don't respect him. He is a fucking idiot, so obviously I don't respect him. I can still do my job just like always, so I told the cretin it doesn't matter if I respect him or not and he doesn't need my respect to do his job.
At the end of the day I couldn't care less about his feelings. I just hope my boss doesn't fire me when he finds out.3 -
Sorry, is TL, but humbly think is worth to read.
Last Friday:
Coworker: Hey, our mail is being redirected to our client's spam folder. What did you do?
Me: Sorry, but I have no control over that.
Boss: I happened to me also. Something is wrong with our mail server.
Me: I'll check, but this is really out of my control.
Rushed to my station... domain blacklist check...Fuuuuuuuu! We been blacklisted! What in the fucking damn hell happened?????!!!
Mail server log check....Mmmm...WTF is this shit?
Devilish grin in my face....muahahahaaa! Your ass is MINE!
So, my "I know everything" new coworker ( https://www.devrant.io/rants/193238 ) used his account to send over 6300 messages a couple of times over a period of 4 hours. By our boss request we have no limit on our servers...
Gotcha! I'm going to get your ass fired!
(BTW: The pic is Gotcha the Cockatoo)
4 -
Rewrite of the sync api to REST.
Coworker: “hey, I know you’ve written and maintained our sync module for the past 4 years. Something I need to know? Some hints or knowledge you can share?”
Me: only thing you should not do is x and y. Otherwise you will face problems a and b.”
Coworker: “great, thanks a lot!”
2 months later...
Customer call: “da fuck are you doing? When I do stupid stuff then I face problem z and problem a!!!”
*me checking new code*
*me calling coworker*
Me: “WTF did you do? You asked for my advice and then did exactly what I told you NOT to do.”
Coworker: “oh, let me check the code..”
*coworker calls boss*
Coworker: “Boss, I can’t work with this guy, he starts fights all the time..”
*boss comes to my desk*
Boss: “I don’t want you to work on this anymore, people are complaining.”
Me: “what the fuck, I just asked him a question..”
~ 1 month later
coworker quits because he can’t handle all the bugs he caused and I have to maintain this piece of fucking retard code..3 -
Me and tech coworker opens office front door. Another coworker starts ranting how he accidentally hit som key combo and started some speech synthesis feature in Windows. Me and tech coworker both declared we had never heard of that feature before.
Ten minutes goes by, then muggle coworker comes by asking for help to turn it off. Tech coworker Googles solution in literally 6 seconds on the phone without even stopping the conversation we had going on when muggle interrupted.
How is it that muggles haven't found out that the Internet contains stuff?! And that it's searchable!!
Gaaaahhh -
One developer got a code and had to add new feature so he writes new function in similar way that arleady written one. Pass the code to next guy.
Next guy: why did u write this function like that?
First guy: Coz one was arleady written that way
N: but it was written wrong
F: ...so now 2 are written wrong (no he will not fix it 😂😂)1 -
Have you ever argue with a developer who:
+ have the same level as you
+ on the same position in the company
+ in the same team
+ OLDER than you
+ thinks their code is the best
A few years back, a coworker and I argue about how to implement a feature. I proposed an approach. He proposed a different one. I immediately saw some problems and told him. But hell no, he defended his idea so strongly that I just gave up since I will leave the company soon.
2 weeks later, when the sprint was about to end, the whole team had to work overtime to fix the mess because of his terrible approach.7 -
!rant
Coworker: I've been working on this computer for an entire day now and it's still having issues
Boss: Well, we can give the client an option to get another SSD and clone to it before reinstalling the OS.
Coworker: But he doens't have an SSD...
Boss: Yes he does
Coworker: *opens computer* let's see, two 1TB hard drives... but no SSD... Oh, there it is. It's hidden. But it's booting too slow to be....
*epiphany*
Coworker: Oh my god. I've been telling the computer to boot to the wrong hard drive. That explains everything!1 -
Coworker: Oh, I couldn't find my Excel file, can you help me to find it?
Me: What is your file name?
Coworker: The file created long time ago, I forgot my file name. But I open it yesterday.
Me: Ok, let's check open recent. (It's surprisingly empty)
Coworker: Yeah, I cleared it just before you arrived. I thought clearing the recent item, will show older items.
Me: ...Ok, let's do a search on all Excel items, which drive did you save your file?
Coworker: I don't remember.
Me: (After search) There are 1000 Excel files. You can start from eliminating the items you remember and ultimately you will find your file. That's all I can help.
Coworker: @x$(/"! ?!
There always a forgetful coworker around me that thinks I am a magician.2 -
I have this coworker who praises himself or being vegan an caring a lot about the world and his health, but smokes and drinks quite a lot. He also is very friendly with everyone but then he privately complains about them with me and goes back to be friendly.
I could ignored this behavior until it started affecting me. Now he is just passive aggressive with everyone, including me. The kind of guy who sends a slightly bitter comment with a wink at the end almost everyday. The kind of guy who will talk to you non-stop like he is your best friend and next morning don't even look at you. The one who will try to teach you some lesson whenever you say something publicly (which he did tons of times and ended up fucking up because he had no idea what he was talking about).
I feel like ignoring him from now on no matter what he says, because he is only waiting for the perfect opportunity to make you feel like a not caring human being so he can keep standing out and controlling everyone. Yes, if you ever try to organize something, he will make sure to criticize you.
So... that's it.2 -
TL;DR The prodigal son returns.
A long time ago my partner in crime left the company. So I was a "one man army", until management gave me 2 newbies to train. We'll call them X and Y.
X was new to the company, while Y was moved from a different area. During the time I was training them I realized which of the two had potential, or at least was paying attention.
Some more time passed and X was showing signs of being a good candidate to join the team. Y, on the other hand, well there were stories from his previous team. Not good.
Guess who was added to my team. It wouldn't be a rant if it was the capable one. Y was added to my team, while X was sent to a completely different area.
Time passed and I suffered many misfortunes. But this week, I saw him sitting next to my desk, X is back. I'll probably have to get him up to speed, but my little prodigy is back! -
So my coworker is gonna change computer and for the past two weeks is "annoying" me to install Ubuntu for her...
Look ... I'm a dev just like you... Get your shit together and do it yourself or wait.
So Wednesday I gave her the task to backup her shit because I'm gonna do it today... Guess what she told me? That I'm better at it and if I could do do for her...
Sure.. Yeah... Gonna rsync your /home/user folder to the new machine and fuck you if you loose anything, that's not my fucking job you useless piece of shit.2 -
I work with a designer who provides me with the mockups of the websites we do where I work. We use Figma, which is a tool similar to Sketch. I do design myself and with this tool is quite easy to mockup sites.
This designer is the worst person I've ever met in terms of document organization. He never organizes the layers of the documents, or even cares to assign names to each layer. It's not that hard with simple designs but when it comes to develop a full website it becomes awful.
I've been asking him politely to organice those documents into layers and groups for almost three years to which he never does.
I'm not able to find the proper words to ask again politely and when I do, he just puts the layers without order into a bunch of groups and calls the job done.
How hard is to be a bit emphatic to your coworkers and spend 5 minutes of your time making their life easier?4 -
Coworker who mostly works from home: "Who took my keyboard?"
Me: "Someone needed it for testing yesterday. It's over there"
Coworker: "Why does it always have to be my stuff when I'm not around"
9 -
You can type your code like an angry bitch as if you are gonna smash the fucking keyboard. I can live with that. But please don't knock on the desk every so often. That's just pointless and annoying.3
-
It’s been so long since I posted but this time it’s juicy again.
I got a coworker, no prio experience but already a year and few months into the job. He’s bad.
Magnitudes of bad!
We’re trying to teach him but to no avail. Everything about him sucks, major ballsack to be exact.
His attitude is to avoid every task, finishes nothing and then starts something new.
„Did you do X like we told you to?“
„No I started on Y, because I thought it [looks better, seems more interesting, thought that X is useless…]“
When you ask him much is done he is always „almost“ finished and needs your help on the „last 5-10%“. Yeah fuck that!
But that guy has a talent, his talent is to always give you technically correct answers which actually are complete bullshit.
„What are you doing at your job?“
„Staring at a screen and typing things.“ dude what?
That guy used the excuse „I can’t do maths“ on everything.
For an exam he had to calculate how long it would take to reach a certain amount if you would get some interest in that every year.
He asked the teacher for the formula. During the exam! And when the teacher didn’t want to give it to him he wrote plainly „can’t do maths“ on the paper and left
His code is of a quality as if he would write his first line in a week and then has the audacity to blame me and the colleagues for not explaining it right.
Ok you might think now we’re teaching him bad, or are too impatient. But honestly if you have to explain how to do a for loop for over about 15 months and get that attitude I think you get the right to be angry. I don’t mind explaining on how things work, even for the hundredth time, but then don’t tell me you understood, go behind my back, complain at a colleague how bad I explained, get explained by him and then do it again until you whored yourself through the whole staff!
It’s like he got the mind swiper from Men in black at home. Every day he hits the reset button.
He had a week of just changing indentation on a html file. Why? Because he wanted to find his style.
Yeah his style
if(a==b){
console.log(a);
}
else {
console.log(b)
}
And to produce code like that it takes him atleast 4 hours of trial and error.
And at the same time he goes arround and boasts what a super good programmer he his and that he can do some project work for them.
How we found out? Because he started working in those projects during work time at the office and asked us how to do things.
And he does so like a complete bastard!
Broken sql query? “No that query is perfect as it is, it’s supposed to show no results! But, just in theory, if I wanted to show some results, what would I need to change?”
I’m so mad about it and pissed on a personal level because he goes around blames everyone and the world for his short comings5 -
Hears co-working typing loud repetitive keystrokes. Wants to shout out:
FOR THE LOVE ALL THINGS
HOLY WRITE A SCRIPT!2 -
Coworker; i’m soooo busy please don’t bother me.
Emailbox: full with mails from the coworker that does seem to have time to write all those -
Coworker creates separate HTML files for create and edit pages. The HTML is identical in both pages.
The redundancy make me cri1 -
I used to work with this Chinese coworker who wished himself 'Good afternoon' in Japanese everytime he ran into a wall when coding. He used to say, "Konnichiwa, Konnichiwa"!
But it's worth mentioning that he was such a good guy to work with! -
Finally got another job!! I have been freed of my shackles of my coworker monkeys and ColdFusion ;D1
-
Coworker: "I'll just refactor this one messy piece of code and catch up with you later"
Me to another coworker: "We will not see him anytime soon..." -
Today started off great!
New 5TiB HDD... Check!
Formatted with zfs under LUKS, with a high level.of compression and dedup... Check!
Copying over roughly 4TiB of data, about 2 of which was scattered in small files... Coworker unplugged it from AC thinking it was his (they are sort of similar), when the process was almost complete.
Goddamit. zpool scrub.... 6 hours left. It's 9 pm over here, and I'm not a fan of leaving my stuff at work. Goddammit.
...I guess tomorrow is another day.8 -
Fuck you negative bastard! I really hate when someone "predicts" failure to meet the deadline of some project we haven't started yet. This bastard thinks we will fail only because he is a complete mess at coding and fears learning new things.5
-
!rant
Coworker: I yelled at Sony for the PS3 having 7 USB ports... I said that devices only need 2 USB ports. But now, I have this laptop here that has two USB ports and I'm yelling at it! So who's the hypocrite?
Me: You?
Coworker: Sony. Though to be fair, this laptop was made back before we really needed a lot of USB ports. Keyboards and mice were PS/2.
Me: What about printers?
Coworker: They have printer cables....
Me: WHICH ARE USB!
Coworker: ....Oh yeah...2 -
I received a computer to work on for work and needed a knife to open the box. That's when my coworker pulled out this nugget of wisdom:
Coworker: My knife has a knife on it.
Me: Really?! Who would've thought?4 -
*Me explaining how the modules were planed out*
Me: Did you all understand how we are going to proceed?
Coworker 1: yes!
Coworker 2: easy!
Narrator: An epic story about a group of software developers, that build walls instead of modules, is about to unfold. -
Fixing unit-tests that expects 2017... kills my motivation at first workday this year.... I hate my coworker -..-
-
Just got upset with a coworker due to not understanding the code written, logic, lack of documentation, comments. Nothing!
Other coworker: But Dave, you added that feature last December. Remember?
Me: So what are we working on today? -
Nothing but love for my coworker;
but my coworker (who's a fellow programmer for at least 3 years) thought the `continue` statement in a `foreach` literally meant to keep going with the code.
He was confused his code after the continue didn't run. xD11 -
When after a drunk night your code is working and yesterday's bugs are all gone.
I'm so lucky that drunken me is my coworker. (:2 -
When you sit at your desk peacefully doing nothing and a coworker calls you.
Almost fell off my chair... -
My company just hired an older coworker that uses a flip phone 😳
Idk wether to be concerned or scared ..... 😩15 -
"In the field of psychology, the Dunning-Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in w/c people with low ability at a task overestimate their ability. It is related to the cognitive bias of illusory superiority and comes from the inability of people to recognize their lack of ability."
Sounds like my coworker to me. If it doesn't work, he blames others. WOW1 -
Found a comment from a coworker in legacy Code starting with: "For those who are brave enough ..." ⚔️🛡️2
-
A coworker asked me about a specific tool because he "had heard" that I had some experience with it, whether that tool would allow a certain use case, and whether there was some documentation.
Wait, in which project was that? None of mine anyway, hmmm... ah that one, from a few years ago. Who wrote the reports back then? Can you guess?
THAT MODDAFOKKA! -
Coworker#1: Our client's website is broken, there are 504 errors everywhere, and their customers aren't able to register accounts.
Coworker#2: Our machine that hosts everything won't start up.
How is your Friday going?5 -
Hey you were not here yesterday so we assigned you to do this job that requires this training and is really fun and good for your experience
Says the coworker that was supposed to do it but does not want to do it because he thinks the work takes too much time and doesn't think the training is usefull.
Sorry what???1 -
trying to do a git merge by command line, because my coworker insists on developing directly on the staging server using ssh1
-
What should I do if a coworker is always trying to pawn off their work on me? Whenever a bug is found, she'll always try to throw it in my court (via passive-aggressive-reply-all emails) even though its 90% of the time, some shit she wrote. I'd rather not go to my boss, because it feels like whining. But confronting her has been difficult because she works remote, is more senior than me, and there is a slight language barrier. Honestly, I think she pretends to know less English than she does, to ignore my emails...6
-
Was struggling today with some form elements and asked a coworker for help. Coworker start interupting immediately and doesn’t listen to any explaining at all. After trying to get a couple of points a cross he suddenly says: ok, i’m gonna let you finish your sentence...
Thanks twat! Next time show at least a bit of respect and start with that!1 -
Coworker says he *creates a framework* in node.js, saw it and he created some folders (controllers, config, routes) and used express...
-
Sooo... The ways my coworker fucks me:
Last week I have been working on setting up aWireGuard VPN server... Been trying for 4 FUCKING DAYS, the easiest VPN that has ever existed, 2 commands and that's it, I wasn't able to reach it, I checked every forum, tested every possible solution without success, checking ubuntu firewall but it was inactive... Nothing that should cause this. Why? 2 weeks ago we had a security breach and my coworker added a firewall from the cloud console with basic rules allowing only 3 ports, the port I was communicating with was blocked. He didn't bother to mention that he added an external firewall. And the junior me, not wanting to be a pain in the ass, and since that security breach wasn't my responsibility to fix, I didn't ask too many questions, just read the emails going back and forth and "learning" how to deal with that. Kill me please. Next mont a new guy is joining, we had a "quick meeting" of 30 minutes and he managed to make it 2 hours meeting. So a partner who lacks communication and a partner who talks a lot... Will be fun. And I probably should change my username... Is that even possible? @root?10 -
* talking with coworker about how to use a certain library *
* other coworker comes in *
"Oh I have experience in that library. Perhaps I could help"
* we explain our problem *
"Hmmm yeah, you should probably refer to the docs."
Helpful 1000!3 -
Caution: only half RANT
I AM FUCKING ANGRY RIGHT NOW BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING MEDIOCORE THINKING OF MY COWORKER WHO WILL BE SOON MY EX COWORKER. AND WHEM HE WILL BE , I WILL DRAFT MY CURRENT ANGER IN SOME SOPHASTICATED WORDS NOT ONLY FOR DEVRANT BUT ALSO FOR MEDIUM AND TUMBLR
FUCK HIM AND FUCK HIS SHORTSIGHTEDNESS3 -
Our customer accrues vacation time in January. The retirees will take all of their vacation starting in January and retire when they get back. This year, their ops teams have multiple retirees. Some software we support now runs on abandoned servers.
My coworker had something go seriously wrong in the financial software over Christmas and there is nobody to call to help him access or fix the running application.3 -
I know depression can be at a spike these days, but you know, when the frontend developer is like in hiatus for 2 weeks because of that... And just tells our boss like "hey I'm having serious problems with the frontend code", that's a shitty thing to do, like dude, quit or be honest with our boss so he would know how to handle this batshit1
-
Him: "I'm updating a site and I'm trying to find the REST endpoints you put out to replace the SOAP services"
Me: "Send me a list of endpoints it's using and I'll tell you what the new ones are"
Him: "Here's a list of the endpoints. The ones I've found are in bold"
Me: "Here's the new list."
Him: "Why did you only fill out the ones I'm not using?"
So, FML, he sent me a list of everything in the WSDL and bolded the ones he "found" in his code. And I'm the asshole for getting frustrated that he wasted 30 minutes of my time. -
Coworker: I SSH into my liver every now and again. It's mostly to make sure it's kept up and running because I've blocked all the other ports to it. Once my kidneys can' handle the alcohol and energy drinks I'll start enabling cookies on it to help filter out that traffic.
Weird conversations with my coworker -
Was checking what my coworker was up to. He was given a computer to fix by another coworker and the PC belonged to his child.
”Oh I just uninstalled Steam. It’s a bad software with loads of viruses that slow down your computer!”3 -
I've never been more annoyed than while a coworker is humming right next to me... for the ENTIRE shift!2
-
Speaking with my former coworker about networking:
Me: Coaxial uses the Ethernet layer two protocol.
Coworker: No? Coax uses the RADIUS layer two protocol.
And this guy was my "superior." -
Me: „we are going to reschedule the standup to 11pm“
Coworker: „Ok, sure thing“
Me: „You might want to set yourself a reminder so you do not forget it?“
Coworker: „No worries, I got this“
Me @ 11pm: „Where the hell is he?“ -
How to react to a coworker using equals() instead of equalsIgnoreCase() for checking case insensitive strings?18
-
Me: *tinkering on a webpage that spits out random characters, motivations, themes, and genres for the purpose of short story creation*
Me: Okay, so we have a young girl, with the motivation of The Power of Friendship, the theme of Crime, with the story structure of Dan Harmon, and set in a Fantasy genre.
Coworker: Dan Harmon? Improvise. Wait... A young girl, on a Purge planet who befriends Morty... I mean a young boy from a different universe.
Me: *a minute later* Wait a second, that was an episode of Rick and Morty!!
Coworker: I did that on purpose because you said Dan Harmon.1 -
Coworker 1 asked if there was a website where he can learn more about Formstack.
Coworker 2 said no.
Coworker 1 asked him then what about formstack itself? Is their website helpful? Do they have a help section?
Coworker 2: "Well there’s not really a websiiiiiite for help, but their main website has a page for help.”
Coworker 1: “can you send me a link?”
Coworker 2: "no. I mean I can, but I mean they don’t really have a help website, but just help on their website.”
Coworker 1: "WTF!"2 -
Coworker is trying to make me look bad by posting a piece of code in the group chat...
Nobody reacts.
Winning1 -
Coworker 1 starts project
Coworker 2 inherits same project
*repeat 3 more times*
Coworker n has no idea what this spaghetti code is and what it does since everyone has done quick fixes as per management requirements.
This is how the company where i work functions. And with all these projects going from one dev to the other i can tell you its a real shitshow and a lot if frustration 😤2 -
1.Coworker wanting to do small talk
2.coworker hoeing me random things
3.coworker asking stupid questions1 -
PM: there’s a bug could you investigate and fix this?
Coworker: *investigates*
CW: is this correct? *shows a totally different solution to what he was asked to* *naming a variable “fn”*
Me: but that’s not what you’re asked to do. You know it’s possible to do that right (the supposedly solution)
Cw: but that would have longer code
Me: (what?) 🙃
Wtf do you mean longer code?
Cw: shorter code > spec
Me: 🤦♀️
Cw: shorter code > readability
Me: 🤦♀️1 -
My team builds robots and we're trying to use an IMU for orientation. Asked one of the members to find our spare one because the one in the robot was apparently throwing errors.
Him: "Oh hey I couldn't find it"
Me: "did you look in all the boxes?"
Him: "ya dude I looked in all our boxes, even the box we never use"
Me: "shoot ok I guess we lost one, I'll order another one soon"
*1 day passes*
Me: goes to our main box to get a keyboard out
Me: opens the box, IMU is sitting right on top
Me: pulls out the keyboard, sees ANOTHER IMU sitting in the box
Me: "hey coworker, you said you looked in all the boxes, right?"
Him: "yeah dude no clue where it is."
Me: "it's sitting right on top. Plus there's another one in here"
Him: "oh lol that's weird"
That's all you have to say for yourself? That's weird?! DUDE NOT ONLY WAS IT SITTING RIGHT ON TOP OF THE BOX, THERE WE'RE *2* OF THEM IN THERE, IN THE MAIN BOX WE USE
the sad part is that's not even the worst part of the story... That part to follow soon ;)1 -
So, my coworker hibernates his laptop, connects phone to USB and wonder why the phone won't charge...6
-
Coworker won’t stop apologizing for everything even though he’s completely competent.
He and I are learning a software completely new to both of us and he’s constantly apologizing for working slowly, not knowing where certain functions are, insisting I’m so much better than him, always reminding us that he’s “still learning” (has been with us for a year), apologizing for being afk for a few minutes, apologizing for having other stuff to work on during the day, apologizing for asking for help…
Again, he’s completely competent and an asset to the team but this guy is 20 years older than me and even calls me “ma’am” unironically. Is there anything I can say to him about this?6 -
>work as a team lead in a tiny startup that lives off of investment money due to a strained business team that should stop sucking
>everyone is underpaid
>make do with what I can, manage to push for raises to keep the team going
>one dev, Timmy, is a pretty nice fella
>with 1 very annoying flaw
“Why can’t we get all of our utilities paid?” “Why can’t we have unlimited paid time off?” “Why can’t we be like Biilionare Company XYZ?” “Company T gives everyone the latest laptop models” “we should be getting paid twice as much” “why do we have to work 8 hours?”
Constantly, to everyone.
I agree with Timmy in most points. He is not saying something I do not know. Sometimes I want to strangle Timmy, feed him his own nutsack, and kick him out to apply to billionaire company XYZ. He can have all those sweet sweet benefits. -
Coworker: "Hey, so I discovered this library that automatically brings up and tears down local containers to perform unit tests on data sources"
Me: "Sounds neat"
Coworker: "Yeah, I've been messing with it locally, and it means we don't need to have the data sources installed on our machines or rely on the ones in the testing environment."
Me: "That's good"
Coworker: "Just a shame I had to roll back our testing framework to a previous version and refactor the code in all our other tests as a result."
Me: "Wait what? *looks at documentation* It says they support the newer framework"
Coworker: "Yeah, but I couldn't get it to work. So I'm just gonna make a PR for it, okay?" *Proceeds to make a PR, approve and merge the code before I can comment further on the changes*
Welp, there goes all my motivation to get anything done for the rest of the day.3 -
Week before this i had to assign a task for a mailing to a coworker of mine. So i handed him the documentation (partly on paper).
He finished his part and now i need to continue the works.
I asked him the documentation. He told me he shredded it and threw it away. Thanks coworker. You are being useless like never before.1 -
When your coworker is so slow that your boss wants you to fix the coworker's bugs. Even though said coworker has nothing better to do, wrote the code and probably knows exactly where the issue is.
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The moment you pull the latest changes just to find out that your new coworker edited all the js files in xcode
1 -
Developer coworker just said to me that creating Dockerfile for project on which he is working is DevOps's job.
What are your thought on that statement?17 -
Customer (to me): I was talking to [my coworker] and he said to [generic fix]. I just wanted to let him know it worked!
Me: I'm glad to hear that--I'll be sure to let him know!
Customer: Thanks!
Me (to coworker): That person said your fix worked.
Him (an atheist): Thank Jesus... thank Zombie Jesus!
Me: More like "thank Barry Benson."
Coworker: Who is Barry Benson?
Me: *Googles Barry Benson to show him*
We both cracked up for like a full minute. -
coworker: "Did you see my code review?"
me: "Yeah, I haven't gotten to it yet, I'm sorry."
coworker starts sobbing.
me: questioning existence. -
that coworker playing nordic music on spotify without headphones so everyone can "concentrate"... (his own words...)4
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when a coworker doesnt acknowledge what u said , and proceeds to tell you what u just said right back 5 minutes later.3
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Other guy on a project (in college), let's call him piece of shit or pos for short.
For 2 months pos has done nothing. Absolutely nothing. When I asked, he said he had some exam. Or some other exam. Or some other bullshit. (I have acads too, and juniors have more than us - college is taking its covid frustration out on them)
Yesterday I asked again, to make a presentation to be given today. I worked on this presentation for 3 days but it didn't turn out good, so deleted my work and asked pos to do it (fresh perspective etc). Meanwhile I'm working a second project (which has a different story).
Pos does nothing yesterday. At 1 AM I tell him to send me the presentation if he's done. Pos says he'll pull it off during the night. He doesn't.
A few minutes ago he pings our juniors to give him screenshots. Basically demanding them. When someone responds with emojis, "Don't give me this (emojis), give me screenshots asap". He's done close to nothing for the juniors overall.
How do I get someone like this to work and treat the other members with some respect?8 -
Made commit changes on a Friday afternoon. Coworker makes changes over labor day weekend and things aren't in place. I'm just annoyed by the need to chase these bugs down, not so much my coworker. Fuckin hell.
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At work today I was told that a guy from some other area knew how to get me credentials to access a particular system I had some stuff to do. So I approached this guy later in the afternoon saying that someone had told me that he knew the stuff and could help me, and then I proceeded explaining my issue to him. Five minutes after my monologue he stared at me, at this point I was very confident I got my point across, and then asked: who gave you my name?
Who cares? Fuuuuuuuck my life 😤😤😤 -
Don't ask me to go to your desk or wherever you are just to tell me some bullshit you could write over chat. Specially not when I'm wearing my headphones.
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You set a value to a variable at line 80. At line 237, you set the value again, calculated in the same way, with the same, untouched parameters. The variable isn't used at all anywhere between these two points...
If I have to do maintenance to your .net code, and can tell that not only did you learn on COBOL, but that you're a bad COBOL programer, Fuck You!2 -
2 coworker:
-we have to do that using API!
-its just a REST extension, right?
-no, they are basically the same thing. -
What is best equivalent to Slack? we switched to Rocket chat but UI is terrible, every one gets confused in channels when there is too many threads and replys. I need a free alternative which we can deploy its dedicated instance on our own server. also I prefer open source software with mobile support and better UI/UX than rocker chat.7
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Coworker who ignored a closed door (like everyone does, but all had been warned) for the umpteenth time.
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